Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

I also would like a pony to improve my balloon juice experience.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

“When somebody takes the time to draw up a playbook, they’re gonna use it.”

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Jack Smith: “Why did you start campaigning in the middle of my investigation?!”

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

Hey Washington Post, “Democracy Dies in Darkness” is supposed to be a warning, not a mission statement.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

People are weird.

Chutkan laughs. Lauro sits back down.

Republicans don’t lie to be believed, they lie to be repeated.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

The Supreme Court cannot be allowed to become the ultimate, unaccountable arbiter of everything.

Meanwhile over at truth Social, the former president is busy confessing to crimes.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

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72Comments

  2. 2.

    Hunter Gathers

    I thought that sketch was pretty weak. Then again, I find SNL in general to be pretty weak these days.

  3. 3.

    patroclus

    Against New England, he looked terrible; fumbling multiple times and his team getting beat badly.

  5. 5.

    KG

    I’m equally fascinated by the hate and the devotion on each side. And I’m genuinely curious to see if he can make it in the NFL since he is the prototype for the college quarterback (Cam Newton was basically Tebow 2.0 in college). And with the spread option becoming all the rage, there’s likely going to be more guys like him.

    As far as what he’s done, he’s looked like the typical rookie quarterback. His numbers through 12 games compare pretty nicely to Elway, Aikman, and S Young at similar points of their careers. The league isn’t kind to young quarterbacks (Marino, Montana, Big Ben, and Brady are basically twice a generation quarterbacks), even Manning and Brees looked less than stellar in their first full year as starters.

    Should be fun, however it plays out.

  6. 6.

    Richard

    The thing that’s particularly stupid about the notion that prayer can lead to football victory is that, chances are, the players on the other team likely to be as a whole just as religious. It reduces Jesus into Santa Claus figure, doling out lumps of coal to those who evidently didn’t pray hard enough that week.

    From what I gather, despite his overt religious displays, Tebow claims that he doesn’t actually do that, but certainly other folks are doing it. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen locker room footage of coach led prayer before college games in particular.

  7. 7.

    different-church-lady

    So I see Hulu has this button that says “Is this ad relevant to you?”

    I wonder what would happen to their business model if everyone just clicked NO, no matter what the ad was for.

  11. 11.

    Suffern ACE

    @different-church-lady:

    I wonder what would happen to their business model if everyone just clicked NO, no matter what the ad was for.

    They’d put up ads for toilet paper and threaten to tell your friends if you clicked “Irrelevant to me.”

  14. 14.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    @KG:

    a significant portion of the hate and devotion begins with Tebow’s association with Focus on the Family.(with a pocket full of shells)

    here is a guy who has compared his praise jesus schtick to a spouse telling their spouse i love you.

    which could, if you really wanted to take a scalpel to it, could make all sorts of fun. my opinion is that tebow wishes he were a nun.

  17. 17.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    @Raven:

    a distinction without a difference to most people.

    the lundequisting of him by verne and other grown men speaking of him as the dalai honkey himself; either moved you with its near tearful sincerity, or was an unctuous and cloyingl inappropriate display of man-boy love.

  18. 18.

    MonkeyBoy

    I had been slightly aware of this “Tebow” who was an overtly religious quarterback but until now I didn’t know that he was white. I guess that explains a lot of his fan base.

  20. 20.

    EvolutionaryDesign

    It certainly sucks as a Broncos fan. You can’t have your gameplan be “we’ll make it up in the last 5 minutes”. He is stressful as all hell to watch play, since he makes poor decisions and poorer throws. And we saw the limits of Jesus power against a real quarterback (Brady). Not to mention his six ‘miracle’ wins screwed us out of drafting a true pocket passer in a once a decade QB draft. Also, off the field, he went in front of the nation during the Super Bowl to tell women they were going to hell for making choices for their own bodies, in so many words. Fuck his sanctimonious ass.

  22. 22.

    J.W. Hamner

    I’m making gougères for the first time using a Dorie Greenspan recipe while my girlfriend is off teaching… kind of an interesting experience since I don’t have an experience with pâte à choux.

  23. 23.

    elmo

    When people ask me why I hate on Tebow so much, I tell them I can answer in two words: (1) Matthew (2) Six.

    But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

    You would think that folks who call themselves Christians would pay a little more attention to what the boss has to say about it….

  24. 24.

    Jon O.

    I try hard not to be angry about the Tebow fascination. The ostentatious praying is irritating, but y’know, whatever. What bugs me is the idea of Tebow, and the way the sports media talks about him. Sort of like how with W, “you know where he stands”, and Newt Gingrich is a “leading intellectual light.” Tebow “just knows how to win games” and “is destined for greatness.” Both announcers in the Broncos-Patriots game started talking about this at the 2-minute warning of the 4th – when the Broncos were down by 18. No joke, they were putting him up against Aaron Rodgers (and – jeez, I’m saying this as a Chicagoan – that guy is probably one for the ages.)

    Like the anchors on CNN, sports media apparently prefer a good story to a true one.

  25. 25.

    Brachiator

    It came up tangentially in another thread, but I am enjoying how the anticipation of the new Batman film, The Dark Knight Rises, is giving rise to speculation that director Chris Nolan may be doing a little political allegory. The Guardian has fun noting some Occupy Gotham vibes.

    “You think this can last. There’s a storm coming, Mr Wayne,” Anne Hathaway’s Selina Kyle tells Bruce at a sumptuous masquerade ball. “You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits you’re all gonna wonder how you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us.”

    And not surprisingly, Reason and The Wall Street Journal are wetting their pants over the idea that librul Hollywood may be pushing those evil librul values.

    ETA: No truth to the rumor about a Tebow cameo in the film, apparently.

  26. 26.

    Keith G

    I so love to snicker at peeps who play the “Tebow and Christians are persecuted” card.

    Then we have a chat about how idiotic that notion is.

  28. 28.

    Benjamin Franklin

    Craig Murray on the Olympic security (militarized Poliforce).

    “I have been against the hosting of the Olympics since the inception. It seemed a vainglorious waste of money, to enable politicians to wave the patriotic flag, even before they gave away all our money to the bankers. Now it is just crazy.

    It is also scarey. It has been announced that 13,000 military personnel will be policing the event together with 8,000 private contractors and 12,000 police. There will be battleships on the Thames. Euronews has just quoted a British official as defending this as being in line with what was done in Beijing. But Beijing is not in a democracy. It also claims that London in 2012 will be the “safest place in the world”.

    That is “safe” in the same way that Jean Charles De Menezes was safe with all those armed police around.”

    just for fun (in case any haven’t seen)

    http://peppersprayingcop.tumblr.com/

  29. 29.

    elmo

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    I dunno, VDE. I agree that they don’t follow the instructions laid down by Christ himself, but that’s true of the great majority of Christians so far as I can tell. If we exclude from the definition of “Christians,” “Those who don’t do what Christ said to do,” I think we will find that “True Christians” are the smallest of fringe minority religions. Then what do we call the majority?

    From what I can see, “Christian” is virtually synonymous with “Mammon worshipper,” and if you start off assuming that they’re one and the same, you won’t be often wrong.

  30. 30.

    pseudonymous in nc

    If you make a decent assumption that Tebow is going to be running for Congress in a decade’s time, then now is the chance to make sure that he doesn’t follow rich useless shitbag Heath Shuler.

  31. 31.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @elmo:

    The followers of the “prosperity gospel” are about money first, and spirituality second.

    I have no problem labeling every last one of them Mammon worshipers.

  33. 33.

    JPL

    Tebow is a decent quarterback who happens to play with a team that has an easy schedule. The love given to him by some announcers reminds me of coaches who handed out participation trophies at the end of the season. His stats are not that good against decent teams.

  34. 34.

    different-church-lady

    @elmo:

    “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them.

    Gosh, who would do that?

  36. 36.

    MikeJ

    @J.W. Hamner:

    kind of an interesting experience since I don’t have an experience with pâte à choux.

    I love to eat pâtes à choux, but I have never succeeded in its making. It’s one of those things I’ve intended to spend a Saturday making over and over and over until I get it right. I understand the concept, have read books and articles, just never had it turn out right.

    Gnocchi, too.

  39. 39.

    different-church-lady

    @Slowbama:

    One of them, quite seriously, blames Tebow’s loss to the Patriots on his being distracted by bad weather in the Philippines and its effect on mission work there.

    Maybe all this footballin’ is the real distraction from his calling, no?

  41. 41.

    MikeJ

    @Slowbama:

    One of them, quite seriously, blames Tebow’s loss to the Patriots on his being distracted by bad weather in the Philippines and its effect on mission work there.

    The children he worked with don’t have foreskins to keep them dry any more.

  42. 42.

    rea

    There will be battleships on the Thames.

    I strongly suspect there will not be battleships on the Thames. (1) There are no battleships in the British navy, or pretty much any other navy, nowdays, and (2) 16-inch guns are not particularly useful for crowd control.

  44. 44.

    J.W. Hamner

    @MikeJ:

    We are half way through the baking process and while rotating racks I saw that they did puff up… however I believe the problem for n00bs like me is that they tend to collapse. We shall see… they certainly smell good, so even if they are sad little deflated puffs I hope they taste good.

  45. 45.

    JPL

    @Slowbama:

    Now we get to find out: When Tebow grows up, can he look Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees and Brady in the eye?

    Is this a trick question?

  46. 46.

    hamletta

    Have y’all seen this article with all the banksters crying into their Crystal and beluga caviar? It’s just amazing that the MOUs are so clueless:

    Schiff, 48, disclosed assets of at least $64.7 million before losing the 2010 Republican primary for a Connecticut U.S. Senate seat, according to filings. He’s wealthier now, even though his taxes are “more than a medieval lord would have taken from a serf,” he said.

    Pass me my knittin’ and call me Madame DeFarge, that boy’s got his head up his ass.

  50. 50.

    MikeJ

    @rea: There’s a cruiser on the south side of the river, between London and Tower bridges. HMS Belfast, IIRC. Decommissioned, of course.

  51. 51.

    Brachiator

    @hamletta:

    Have y’all seen this article with all the banksters crying into their Crystal and beluga caviar? It’s just amazing that the MOUs are so clueless

    And then there’s this story about the daughter of a Russian billionaire apparently spending $88 million for a New York apartment.

    But it’s OK. She’s only going to live there part time.

  53. 53.

    Zagloba

    WSJ, via New York Magazine: A number of hedge-fundies had inside info that the public option was going to be jettisoned — and provided by the very conservadems that “needed to be persuaded” that a public option wasn’t creeping soshulism.

  54. 54.

    Richard

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    The followers of the “prosperity gospel” are about money first, and spirituality second. I have no problem labeling every last one of them Mammon worshipers.

    A few years ago, for the first time ever, I went to a local megachurch to see a Christmas concert with a friend of mine. We’re both atheists, but as it turned out, she liked the music and also happened to be a friend of the conductor.

    Anyway, before the concert, we hung around the church’s bookshop. They had hundreds of copies of the pastor’s book, which, as far as I could tell, was a tome describing how one could get rich quick via Jesus. Flipping through it, it mostly seemed more appropriate for a 2:00 AM infomercial than a church, except for the parts emphasizing how important tithing was, the message being, if you hand over your hard earned cash to me, Jesus will help you in the stock market.

  56. 56.

    Richard

    @Zagloba:

    Quoting from your link:

    Among those who spoke to the hedge funds were Mr. Lieberman and Mr. Carper on Dec. 8, according to their offices. The roster included Viking Global’s Scott Zinober and Karsch Capital’s Eric Potoker.

    I’m an atheist, but I wish there was a hell just so Joe Lieberman could burn in it.

  59. 59.

    befuggled

    @EvolutionaryDesign: Eh, Tebow could be doing you a favor there. Look at the 1999 draft. Five quarterbacks were taken in the first round, including three with the first three picks. One of them had a pretty good career (Donovan McNabb), another showed some promise but had a disappointing career (Daunte Culpepper) and three more were basically busts (Tim Couch, Akili Smith and Shaun King).

    For that matter, future Hall of Famer Tom Brady was drafted in the sixth round.

  61. 61.

    Calouste

    @Benjamin Franklin:

    The Metropolitan Police has 30,000 officers. Can’t say those numbers quoted looked that big considering the scale of the event. There were 16,000 officers deployed during the height of the riots earlier this year.

    And as mentioned earlier, battleships. Bhwaarrr.

  62. 62.

    RossInDetroit

    @elmo:

    You would think that folks who call themselves Christians would pay a little more attention to what the boss has to say about it….

    Some attend only to what falls in line with today’s goals. If you pick and choose you can have football, wealth, celebrity and overt displays of faith. And it’s all Biblical!

    Not picking on Tebow, just generally.

  63. 63.

    Lee

    Tbow sucks pretty hard. Should have kept Orton while we looked for a replacement if we really felt the need instead of going with the shiny new moron whose idea of game preparation is prayer. We might get to the playoffs this year, but even Jake Plummer pulled that off a few times. What a damn waste.

  65. 65.

    Bill Murray

    @hamletta: of course his taxes are more than a medieval lord would have taken from a serf. Medieval serfs didn’t have very much money

  67. 67.

    Vico

    Dudes on Saturday afternoon ESPN Sportscenter discussed for about 7 minutes the charge that the network spends too much time on the Tebow “story.” Their argument: ESPN doesn’t. Then, going into the break, the tease for the next segment was: We’ll talk about Tim Tebow, coming up next.

  70. 70.

    Paul in KY

    @elmo: Modern Protestant ‘Christians’ can better be termed ‘Paulists’, as they follow more the writings/thoughts of St. Paul, than they do those of Jesus.

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