(Drew Sheneman via GoComics.com)
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Per TPMLivewire, Willard Romney, Richard Santorum, and Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz all took victory laps tonight.
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Rick Perry, on the other hand, may be reduced to campaigning for the VP slot, after “one of the most swift and complete collapses in primary history“.
Reader Interactions
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Yutsano
Only if Texas is somehow in danger. And for some reason I don’t see that happening.
robertdsc-PowerBook
DWS:
Ouch. That’s gonna leave a mark.
MikeJ
I had an ancestor who lived in Iowa and was known as the smartest man in the county. They brought a woman with hiccups to him to cure, even though he wasn’t a doctor. He asked her to have a seat, and pulled the chair out from under her.
I have a feeling he would be in hysterics tonight.
David Koch
Biggest losers:
Willard: for pouring 100 million dollars and 5 years into a campaign that losses to a disgraced has-been with no money.
Olbermann: for wearing out his welcome with yet another employer after only 6 months.
Ron
This thing is crazy. Apparently with 2 precincts left, Santorum leads Romney by 18 votes.
David Koch
Biggest losers:
Ron Paul and the loony-toon Paulets.
Brandon
I can’t keep from grinning that Romney got fewer votes this time around than 4 years ago.
The Dangerman
He can campaign for it. Won’t get it, but he can campaign for it. Similarly, I’m campaigning for a phone call from Scarlett Johannsen.
The prophet Nostradumbass
@David Koch:
And, he had a silly slap-fight with that other douche, Piers Morgan, on twitter this afternoon.
lamh35
Wait! Did olbermann get fired again????
Ira-NY
Romney’s speech was poor. He simply does not have the skill set to be a national politician.
He is lousy at retail politics. He is a so-so debater. He gives tepid interviews. His speeches are yawners.
Cassidy
GLENN GREENWALD, GLENN GREENWALD,GLENN GREENWALD….
So does he automatically appear like Bloody Mary or is this more of a Beetlejuice thing?
The prophet Nostradumbass
@lamh35: No, but he appears to have had a hissy fit over something regarding Current’s Iowa caucus coverage, which he refused to host for some reason or other.
ETA: here is something about it.
Mark S.
@Csssidy:
That only works with Radley Balko.
Yutsano
@Ira-NY: I gotta ask: how did he sell his near-tie with Frothy Mixture?
Roger Moore
@Ira-NY:
As @Jim, Foolish Literalist said in the previous thread:
Fortunately, he also seems to have the charm of Calvin Coolidge and (given his inability to retain a consistent position from day to day) the memory of Ronald Reagan. The only thing that could make him a worse candidate would be the body of William Howard Taft, which is Gingrich’s cross to bear.
MikeJ
DK reports that the Iowa GOP has found the ACORN box, puts Willard up by one vote.
David Koch
@lamh35: He’s on his way out. Current dropped him from anchoring the election coverage.
He tweeted that he can’t talk about and referred everyone to ask Al Gore. Yikes.
David Koch
@MikeJ: Nate reports that Google has counted more votes and has ManOnDog up by 4.
either way, losing by 4 or winning by 1 to a disgraced has-been is a humiliation.
Warren Terra
@Brandon:
It does depend on where you look. The New York Times says that in 2008 Romney got 29,949 votes (right now, with 99% reporting, they have him at 29,926). Other people seem to have found a source that says Romney got 30,021 in Iowa in 2008.
It seems almost certain Romney will clear both of those numbers – but only just, and after spending the last four years working on Iowa, and with a slightly higher turnout this time around (though it being only slightly higher is itself amazing).
lamh35
@The prophet Nostradumbass: @David Koch:
Wow Olbermanns ego has been as big as his head for years. Is this dude on a kamikazes mission to destroy any career he ever had.
I did think he was strange and a little beneath him that Al Gor had to play pundit
FlipYrWhig
Republicans sure have a charisma deficit. The one guy who seems like the Reoublican idea of a fun guy, Perry, is out on his ass. It’s quizzical.
Roger Moore
@Mark S.:
Or Kibo.
amk
@David Koch: ko got ko’ed again ?
The prophet Nostradumbass
@Roger Moore: Haven’t seen that name in ages.
MikeJ
@Warren Terra: ABC has the 30,021 number.
TooManyJens
@Roger Moore: That’s a blast from the past.
lamh35
@The prophet Nostradumbass: @David Koch:
Wow Olbermanns ego has been as big as his head for years. Is this dude on a kamikazes mission to destroy any career he ever had.
I did think he was strange and a little beneath him that Al Gor had to play pundit. If I was Gore I’d tell Olbermann to suck it
Martin
@Yutsano:
I wouldn’t count Texas out. They’re pretty much all about body count down there, and Obamas got both Mittens and Santorum covered pretty well on that. They might need Perry before this is all over.
AlladinsLamp
Newt hits Mitt with full page N.H. ad
TooManyJens
@AlladinsLamp: That’s not nearly as nasty as I was expecting.
Roger Moore
@The prophet Nostradumbass:
Well, he hasn’t been able to keep up with the blogosphere. Can you imagine kibozing the blogosphere. I think that would only be possible with the aid of an AI of greater than human intelligence. There’s just too much blogosphere to keep up with.
lamh35
@AlladinsLamp: Someone on msnbc reported newt does have a superpac, but pursuant to newts wishes they were doing only softball stuff. Well now the stakes have changed so guess what??? It’s go time
TooManyJens
@Roger Moore: One does not simply grep the blogosphere.
@lamh35:
That whole “not allowed to coordinate with the campaign” thing is such a charming fiction, isn’t it?
tc
Sue Dvorsky, head of the Iowa Democratic Party, just said something interesting: as of now, Romney’s won 17 of Iowa’s 99 counties. But 13 of those are the top Democratic performing counties in the state. I hope that gets picked up tomorrow in the MSM’s analysis of tonight’s primary.
Mark S.
@Roger Moore:
I had to google that.
freelancer
@TooManyJens:
Is that like walking into Mordor?
The prophet Nostradumbass
@Roger Moore: Apparently, people are still posting to alt.religion.kibology.
Calouste
GOP Iowa caucuses:
A candidate who hasn’t held elective office for 5 years and lost his last reelection attempt by 18%
narrowly beats
a candidate who hasn’t held elective office for 5 years and was so unpopular he didn’t even run for reelection.
JGabriel
NY Times Summary of Ross Douthat’s Latest Column:
I can’t believe they really wrote the equivalent of, “Republicans took a sad song and made it better.”
.
MikeJ
@The prophet Nostradumbass: People still post to alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk too.
AA+ Bonds
FORGED IN THE LAVA FURNACE OF A CHUNKY VAGINA THESE CANDIDATES EMERGE ALIGHT WITH ETERNAL FLAME
Wee Bey
Romney by 14.
The prophet Nostradumbass
@MikeJ: *COUGH* there’s another one I haven’t seen in a long time. I’ll guess that alt.usenet.kooks is still active as well.
AA+ Bonds
that is Douthat’s column for one reason: it allowed him to write it over cheese fries today and plug in the names while jacking off to Gantz
freelancer
@AA+ Bonds:
You are minimizing the pain and suffering of women with emaciated vaginas. I sentence you to 3 days of twitter hate.
TooManyJens
@freelancer: It would have been, if I could have massaged the syntax a little better.
@MikeJ: My favorites of the goofy alt.* groups were alt.pave.the.earth and alt.chrome.the.moon.
Roger Moore
@TooManyJens:
No, one Googles it instead. The problem isn’t with the search, it’s with responding in person to each and every mention of your name, even in passing or as a sub-match on a larger word.
AA+ Bonds
@freelancer:
I dont even know what the fuck happened with that Twitter nonsense, all I know is that ABL couldve turned half the trolls on here by going after Greenwald’s Ron Paul endorsement article point by point instead of picking shit over whatever the hell that was, but didn’t, ah well
I mean, Greenwald has lost like 50% of the angry left over that business, the Paul article I mean, including me
Guess we gotta leave it to the ladies & gentlemen of the eXiledOnline…
JGabriel
Jeepers, I don’t believe this. 99.5% reporting:
Man On Dog 29,968
Dog On Car 29,964
Four votes separating them. Four.
.
Brandon
@Warren Terra: The fact remains that one can still reasonably make the case that after 4 years and $10 million, Romney could not convince one single additional person to vote for him. That is a stunning indictment.
AA+ Bonds
Speakin of the good people at the eXiled:
EXILED TO LAUNCH MEDIA TRANSPARENCY PROJECT — CONTRIBUTIONS AND LEAKS INVITED
Some of BJ’s main targets on their list………..
amk
willard steals IA from lil ricky by 14 votes ? will the fundies revolt ?
hhex65
@amk: he paid for it fair and square
Yutsano
@Martin: I hope hope hope Sanchez does declare for Senate down there. A successful Hispanic general would definitely energize a couple of different voting blocks coupled with Obama coordination. It could get quite epic.
AA+ Bonds
WHO STOLE IOWA ! ! ! ! ! ! I DID
The prophet Nostradumbass
BREAKING: 600-Pound Butter Cow Sculpture Wins Iowa Caucus.
CT Voter
Stopped by late at night.
Very, very sorry to see ABL off the FPers list.
AA+ Bonds
I STOLE IOWA
MikeJ
BTW, earlier today I saw an ad on one of the dollar a holler cable stations where they were asking people to call an 800 number to stop Obamacare. Looked like an exercise in list building for the Sturmabteilung, but I was curious if anyone else had seen the ads.
CT Voter
@Yutsano: He already dropped out of the race after his home caught on fire.
cthulhu
@tc:
Well, that would be expected. Despite all his maneuvers to the contrary, Mittens is the most centrist candidate. So, yes, Mittens would tend to fare better in Dem strongholds were the local GOP would tend also to be more sane. The real question is, in the general, when Mitt pivots, as he must, to become Centrist Mitt 3.0, whether the outlying conservative counties will just give up on him and stay home.
Ultimately I like Obama’s chances of taking IA a second time though the Obama 12 campaign doesn’t rely on it.
Hill Dweller
@amk: It doesn’t really matter at this point. The dye has been cast. No one, not even the Romney campaign, is going to call this a victory, especially with some new votes seemingly popping up in the middle of the night.
AA+ Bonds
@MikeJ:
Whoa whoa whoa, did not, you find out more info on that please post it up
AA+ Bonds
Is there an Iowa caucus (!) vote recount committee yet and if so, where do I give
Triassic Sands
@JGabriel:
Maybe they took a bad dream and made it wetter.
AA+ Bonds
There’s your talking point for your local Republican: “Can you believe [candidate they are less likely to support] stole Iowa like that? I tell you, that vote count was DIRTY.”
“Undisclosed location? More like [same dipshit candidate]’s campaign headquarters!”
Roger Moore
@Mark S.:
You kids stay off my lawn.
amk
@Hill Dweller: I know but we could rile up the fundies base to hate willard more if they thought he stole the win from them.
gocart mozart
You all don’t understand! Santorum is creeping up from behind MANN!!
AA+ Bonds
@amk:
Yupppp :D
AA+ Bonds
On the lips of every smart Democrat tomorrow:
“WHO STOLE IOWA?”
Never, never underestimate the power of Dolchstoßlegende over a Republican.
David Koch
Nate Silver says “fuck-it”, he’s going to bed, he’s not going to wait any longer.
Hill Dweller
@amk: I hope they do get riled up. Hell, Santorum should start making noise about votes popping up in the middle of the night.
Nevertheless, Romney is weaker now than he was before the vote was held. And it reaffirmed what everyone already knew: people don’t like Romney.
Brandon
@AA+ Bonds: Has no one even asked about the results of the military caucuses yet? I mean seriously, what about our men and women in uniform from Iowa who have put themselves in harms way, shouldn’t they get the chance to caucus tomorrow?
freelancer
Her name is Dvorsky? Her twitter says she’s married and she’s wearing a band. That must have been a nervous proposal.
“Sue, I’d really like you to be Mrs. Dvorsky. Will you marry me?”
AA+ Bonds
@Brandon:
I KNOW RIGHT. Does Mitt Romney not think Iowa’s soldiers and sailors and airmen and Marines are Americans because they’re fighting overseas, I don’t know, he has some weird beliefs…….
David Koch
@AA+ Bonds: Next Ron Paul Newsletter blames Iowa defeat on Mossad.
MikeJ
@AA+ Bonds: I found it hilarious they told people that even if they had signed the petition before, they should call the 800 number and sign again and again. Had I not been in the middle of waxing my cat I might have called myself just to find out more about them.
Brandon
@amk:
Considering that the IA GOP has decided to perform the count from a secret undisclosed location, I have a pretty good feeling that it won’t take a lot of initiative to prime that pump of disgruntlement.
AA+ Bonds
I hear tell that the overseas military vote went overwhelmingly to Ron Paul but the statist whores at the “Republican” Party are sitting on it so that Romney can win New Hampshire!
The truth will out! We’ll know my theory (more like fact!) is true if Romney wins New Hampshire by a large amount
[crossposted at five different sites in the last two minutes]
AA+ Bonds
If you want to troll over Iowa divisions, remember: the Ron Paul people stay up late late late and they all on the Internet erryday
IM
Romney by eight (8) votes.
So I did guees right after all.
The prophet Nostradumbass
Can someone explain to me the cable TV clowns’ obsession with Huntsman? He has been, is, and will continue to be a non-factor.
AA+ Bonds
@The prophet Nostradumbass:
b/c that’s where he’ll be working when he’s done with this year, in between his guest columns next to Friedman and Brooks in the Times . . . and then his 2016 run, who knows, Huntsman/Bloomberg sounds about right for Fascism 2.0
My guess is whichever channel most expertly cradles Huntsman’s balls at <1% will get first draft
AA+ Bonds
You see, Huntsman is a sane chap, a real centrist character, who believes that global warming will be solved by wholesale deregulation of pollution (if global warming is real, because, y’know, Huntsman acknowledges that those Scientists are having a Debate about it!)
Brandon
@AA+ Bonds: @AA+ Bonds: I love that you ran with the military ballot angle, because it is so preposterous that somehow, somewhere, either at Bagram or a carrier in the Gulf, that enlisted Iowans would have the numbers, time and inclination to be able to organize a caucus meeting at like 5 AM and vote delegates to the state party convention. Particularly for this list of clowns. I seriously hope like hell to see Paul supporters parroting that line in no time. There was apparently an Iowans abroad caucus in Moscow after all.
AA+ Bonds
Now let’s go to Jon Huntsman, former governor of Utah, for his take on the Kill All Union Organizers bill . . .
“Well Wolf, I think it’s very important that we not tie companies down to agreements that will keep us from being competitive with the BRIC economies. . .”
Sweet fucking Christ do I hate Jon Huntsman
The prophet Nostradumbass
This may be the biggest laugh I’ve had all day. The Chargers are keeping Norv Turner as their coach!
AA+ Bonds
@Brandon:
People on the Internet often do not know how the non-Internet works, I’m already getting some bites
The prophet Nostradumbass
@AA+ Bonds: Ron Paul is the Manly Man’s Candidate. He probably sings Pirate Songs in the shower.
Brandon
@AA+ Bonds: The only area I am aware of where he may actually be sane is in Foreign Policy. Other than that, if he actually did become a threat, I wonder how long it would take for rivals to point out that as Gov. of UT, he presided over a state with one of the highest percentage of welfare recipients in the country. Since Noot like to call Obama the “Food Stamp President”, I am pretty sure he’d have to nail Huntsman on this and no one would need to know that there are no blacks in Utah.
Brandon
@AA+ Bonds: That’s brilliant. Are Paulistas logging in via AOL or something, because judging by the kinds of things I read from them on the internet, I very well would expect that they would be.
The prophet Nostradumbass
@Brandon: Is WebTV still around?
Triassic Sands
Man on Dog cums from behind and almost pulls out a victory.
@The prophet Nostradumbass:
He hasn’t had his turn yet.
opie jeanne
@Yutsano: You’re just the guy I want to talk to about the Washington primaries or caucuses or whatever the heck they are. Can you direct me to a website that explains them because I have hunted and hunted and maybe I’m not asking the right question, but I’m not finding anything that helps.
AA+ Bonds
@Brandon:
http://www.dailypaul.com
chatroom and everything
opie jeanne
@MikeJ: I think you remember incorrectly. He sounds like the smart-ass of the county.
AA+ Bonds
@Brandon:
http://www.dailypaul.com
The prophet Nostradumbass
So, what do you suppose Tim Pawlenty is doing tonight?
Calouste
@AA+ Bonds:
So Huntsman’s target is that the USA should compete with third-world countries rather than first-world countries? I must admit there is not much hope with the latter, but he could at least pretend.
Or, in other words:
Reagan: We’re losing to Germany and Japan.
Huntsman: We’re losing to Brazil, Russia, India and China.
30 years of progress I guess.
amk
@The prophet Nostradumbass: cursing batshit crazy bachmann for killing his chances ?
AA+ Bonds
@Calouste:
Here’s a term you’ll hear a lot in the coming months: “opportunity zones”. Cain talked a bit about this – giving cities tax breaks to recreate Third World working conditions in designated areas.
No child labor laws, no minimum wage, no OSHA, etc. Probably wouldn’t even get past the courts but folks are going to try, I expect in Texas or Oklahoma.
Anyone who has a Wall Streeter pretending to be an economist in their stable is going to be pushing this line, and I expect the Brooksian centrists to latch onto it. They love this idea, that America’s problem is that we won’t sweatshop it up
AA+ Bonds
@amk:
The Paul freaks are on about some thing where Bachmann said that she’d get all of Paul’s supporters’ votes today and thus win Iowa and they are really gloating over that, nothing is really a defeat to them
AA+ Bonds
Thank you Brandon for giving me a pretty good line that is getting a lot of response
JGabriel
Final Score, Dog On Car beats Man On Dog by 8 votes:
Mitt Romney — 30,015 24.6%
Rick Santorum — 30,007 24.5%
Ron Paul — 26,219 21.4%
Newt Gingrich — 16,251 13.3%
Rick Perry — 12,604 10.3%
Michele Bachmann — 6,073 5.0%
Jon Huntsman — 745 0.6%
No Preference — 135 0.1%
Other — 117 0.1%
Herman Cain — 58 0.1%
Buddy Roemer — 31 0.0%
.
AA+ Bonds
@Brandon:
Also thanks for the image of a bunch of worried expats in Moscow scribbling “RICK SANTORUM” onto pieces of paper with street-bought obnazhenuiya pens as they try furiously to keep the lady’s clothes on
Yutsano
@opie jeanne: This may or may not answer your question. Apparently no jungle primaries this year. So it may get kinda boring.
And they’re throwing no-names after Cantwell. Which means they’re gonna focus on governor and little else.
The prophet Nostradumbass
So, I uploaded my first ever Youtube video. It’s some hot, hot hot bird feeder action.
SiubhanDuinne
@The prophet Nostradumbass:
Very nice. I could watch birds at the feeder all day long. May I assume you also have a nice birdbath for them? It would be lovely to see a video of them gettin’ all splashy.
Ian
@AA+ Bonds:
Posting the same thing at 5 sites sounds more like trolling than anything else I can think of.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@AA+ Bonds: The funniest part about all of this is that THE VOTE TOTALS DON’T MATTER. The delegates to the state convention, which is where they determine how many delegates to the national convention each candidate gets, are selected after the straw poll is done. The numbers everyone is quoting mean zip with regards to who actually gets the most delegates.
I expect Paul to win the only vote that actually should matter, because his fans are exactly the sort of tedious fanatics who would stick around for the long haul.
Kane
Mitt Romney: Six votes less than 2008. Once again, the most disliked individual among his peers.
Rick Santorum: Solid conservative, if you consider voting for all of Bush policies solid.
Ron Paul: GOP establishment will never accept him unless he agrees to perpetual pre-emptive war.
Newt Gingrich: The historian’s next lesson is to make history of Mitt.
Rick Perry: Not even smart enough for the anti-intellectual party. He can’t wait to get back to Texas.
Michele Bachmann: Tone deaf to the bitter end. Someone tell her it’s over.
Jon Huntsman: AWOL. What was the point?
JPL
McCain is going to endorse Mitt today. I’m still waiting to see if Mitt snatches the big Palin endorsement though.
opie jeanne
@Yutsano: Thank you, it did help. I was thinking I’d participate in the Republicans’ straw poll, just for fun.
That kind of fun can backfire, though. I might not find it easy to keep my mouth shut.