Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

If a good thing happens for a bad reason, it’s still a good thing.

Somebody needs to explain to DeSantis that nobody needs to do anything to make him look bad.

If you voted for Trump, you don’t get to speak about ethics, morals, or rule of law.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

You cannot shame the shameless.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

One of our two political parties is a cult whose leader admires Vladimir Putin.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Let me file that under fuck it.

It’s not hopeless, and we’re not helpless.

Never forget that he train is barreling down on Trump, even as he dances on the tracks.

The media handbook says “controversial” is the most negative description that can be used for a Republican.

If you still can’t see these things even now, maybe politics isn’t your forte and you should stop writing about it.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Republicans can’t even be trusted with their own money.

This isn’t Democrats spending madly. This is government catching up.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

We’ll be taking my thoughts and prayers to the ballot box.

Republican speaker of the house Mike Johnson is the bland and smiling face of evil.

Nikki Haley, who can’t acknowledge ‘slavery’, is a pathetic shill.

Elections aren’t won by handwringing, cowering, and/or bashing your own candidates.

It is possible to do the right thing without the promise of a cookie.

Washington Post’s Catch and Kill, not noticeably better than the Enquirer’s.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / “Officially, the White House says Obama never went to Mars…”

“Officially, the White House says Obama never went to Mars…”

by | 154 Comments

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<a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/59124558@N06/6638035073/” title=”Astounding_SF_1939_on_Mars by dengre.bj, on Flickr”><img src=”http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7015/6638035073_a04e77cd0d.jpg” width=”346″ height=”500″ alt=”Astounding_SF_1939_on_Mars”></a>

The title is a quote from  Spencer Ackerman’s Danger Room blog from Wired.

He has a great scoop on the latest Obama conspiracy theory (h/t GOS):

As a young man in the early 1980s, Obama was part of a secret CIA project to explore Mars. The future president teleported there, along with the future head of Darpa. [snip]

As “Barry Soetero,” the 19-year-old Obama was one of 10 youths selected to secretly teleport to and from Mars, forming a band of interplanetaryTeen Titans. Regina Dugan, the director of Darpa, was another member.

Between 1981 and 1983, Obama is supposed to have visited Mars twice, by way of a teleportation chamber called a “jump room.”

I can’t wait for mittens to work this into his stump speech–and this is very good news for John McCain. It also seems to be good news for birthers as it provides a new explanation for their cause:

You can scoff at the idea of Obama on Mars. But it explains a lot. Obviously the birth-certificate controversy is a side effect of Obama forgetting to sufficiently establish his fake identity as he learned to manipulate time and space.

I wonder if Drudge has turned on the blue light yet and/or if Halperin is on the case?

Cheers

Reader Interactions

154Comments

  6. 6.

    dmsilev

    No no no. Barack Obama is a Time Lord. How else could he fake the evidence of his own birth?

  10. 10.

    Suffern ACE

    Makes sense that they’d install one of their own at this time. Cover up the truth of what’s really going on. Natural gas fracking don’t cause no earthquakes. Fracking for dilithium crystals is another story.

  12. 12.

    dmsilev

    Oh, wait a minute, I have it! Barack Obama is Lazarus Long, and he went back in time and slept with his own mother! He is his own father!

  13. 13.

    redshirt

    I wonder if there were also gay trysts on Mars – but with Martians. Is it gay if it’s with a Martian anyways? Inquiring minds need to know.

  14. 14.

    jl

    College of the Siskiyous!? That can mean only one thing. Bigfoot were teleported to Mars too. Probably to breed with Marvin the Martian’s death killer dog, K9, producing killer death Bigdogfoots who will conquer the earth with Acme disintegrator ray guns.

    Barry is evil, out of this world evil.

    Sheeples, wake up!

  17. 17.

    Baud

    The fact that the White House denied that Obama went to Mars is conclusive proof that Obama went to Mars.

  19. 19.

    Schlemizel

    my apologies in advance but someone is going to say it so it might just as well be me
    .
    .
    .
    .
    But, you know, Santorum is from Uranus.

    Please forgive

  24. 24.

    handsmile

    And yet everyone laughed when Obama revealed this in October 2008:

    Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth.

    Isn’t it obvious by now that that “Hawaiian birth certificate” is a hologram fabricated by an advanced alien civilization?

    Laugh while you can, monkey-boys!

  25. 25.

    Hewer of Wood, Drawer of Water

    @jl: and you know where the College of the Siskiyous is don’t you? Weed, California!! That can’t be a coincidence!

  30. 30.

    redshirt

    The funny thing really is, there’s probably a not small number of people that will sincerely believe this (that Obama went to Mars).

    The wingnuttiest of the Wingnuts, the 1% of the 27%ers!

  31. 31.

    Johannes

    Having failed as “Harry Saxon,” has he regenerated again and set his sites on…the USA?

  33. 33.

    Drum Circles And Weed

    The reptoids (and you may be certain that Obama is one, all American leaders since WW II have been) have been doing this since Nicola Tesla build the first Stargate back in the 1890s. This can’t be a shock to any of you.

  35. 35.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    @Roger Moore:

    I was going to say exactly the same thing “I need a pot of coffee, maps of all the streets, twelve jammie dodgers and a fez”

  36. 36.

    robertdsc-PowerBook

    The first media person to mention this on the trail deserves a drone strike on their house.

  39. 39.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    @dmsilev: So the sales of Imipolex G been strong enough that Yoyodyne can afford campaign contributions?

  43. 43.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    @redshirt: If you do the math, 27% of 27% of 27% works out to just under 2%. There’s your real answer. Coincidence? I think not.

  44. 44.

    dmsilev

    @Judas Escargot:

    Obama is the Black John Carter.

    The Google Machine tells me that Disney, of all companies, is set to unleash a film version of John Carter in a couple of months. Tarzan wept.

  45. 45.

    El Cid

    This is a negative? Our President can teleport himself to Mars and back?

    I mean, it’s not tying a dog to the roof of a car, but it seems impressive in its own way.

  46. 46.

    gene108

    Obviously the birth-certificate controversy is a side effect of Obama forgetting to sufficiently establish his fake identity as he learned to manipulate time and space.

    I think it has more to do with his mastering space-time to become his own father…explains, why he never goes by Barack Obama II or Junior…

  55. 55.

    Cassidy

    @MikeJ:

    Making light of animal abuse. You’re a monster.

    You’re not the same one who used the metaphor “gunning down” in reference to the VT game are you?

  57. 57.

    Mark S.

    This could backfire on Obama in the general election. Independent voters may decide that Mr. Romney’s adherence to the traditional limitations of time travel make him more palatable as a candidate.

    Can I write for the NYT now?

  58. 58.

    ruemara

    I think he came from an axlotl tank, so he’s Tleilaxu. It explains the 11 dimensional chess theory.

  60. 60.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    Hmmmm – I think I may have overdone the log fire this evening, my house is like a damn furnace, (it is something like 20 degrees outside). Of course all the animals are happy, they like it snuggly.

  61. 61.

    jl

    Quick, someone check out Weekly World News.

    Who is Obama’s space alien adviser? That will give us clues.

    Or, probably more accurately, who does the WH claim to be Obama’s space alien adviser?

    Is it the all American family values space alien adviser that GW relied on? I think not.

  64. 64.

    FridayNext

    It’s true, but me, my grandfather Colonel Next and the rest of the Chronoguard are on it. That and making sure the world doesn’t turn into a mass of strawberry Dream Topping.

  67. 67.

    AlladinsLamp

    Martians, Mormons, Muslims; can’t tell ’em apart.

    I think Mitt Romney is a nice man, but I’m afraid of his Mormon faith,” Manning said. “It’s better than a Muslim. Of course, every time you look at the TV these days you find an ad on there telling us how normal they are. So why do they have to put ads on the TV just to convince us that they’re normal if they are normal? … If the Mormon faith adhered to a past philosophy of pluralism, multi-wives, that doesn’t follow the Christian faith of one man and one woman, and that concerns me.”
    Georgua State Rep. Judy Manning, a Newt Gingrich supporter

    http://blogs.ajc.com/political-insider-jim-galloway/2012/01/04/state-lawmaker-mitt-romney-%E2%80%98a-nice-man-but-i%E2%80%99m-afraid-of-his-mormon-faith%E2%80%99/

  68. 68.

    Ken

    @redshirt:

    The funny thing really is, there’s probably a not small number of people that will sincerely believe this (that Obama went to Mars).

    Yes, but the ones that really concern me are those who will try to exploit their belief. Example:

    A year or so ago, the Georgia legislature heard testimony from a woman who claimed that the Defense Department had put up billboards with a cell phone number that anyone could call which would transmit a signal to the microchips the DoD had implanted in her vagina and cause her great pain. So the legislature passed a law against implanting microchips in people.

    Now, I cannot fault that woman. But I have nothing but contempt for the legislators who passed a useless bill which can only reinforce her delusions and those of others like her, rather than doing something that might really help such people, like increasing funding for mental health programs

  69. 69.

    The Dangerman

    …Obama is supposed to have visited Mars twice, by way of a teleportation chamber called a “jump room.”

    Presumably, this came out of a magazine that should be read in the “dump room”.

  70. 70.

    Ken

    I would like to assure the Georgians in the audience that Nellcote @66, AlladinsLamp @67, and I @68 were not engaged in some sort of conspiracy. We all just happened to post news linking the insane and the Georgia government within a few minutes of one another.

  77. 77.

    Wannabe Speechwriter

    According to Tyler Cowen, we’d be on Mars right now if Paul Krugman was more moderate…

  78. 78.

    johio

    Wait a minute! He knows how to travel to Mars and he hasn’t invited contributors for a tour?!? See if he ever gets another dime from me!

  79. 79.

    Narcissus

    How does Disney make a John Carter movie? What about all the nudity and violence?

    The good parts I mean

  80. 80.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    @Cassidy: Well, if the Doctor had visited America more often, rather than just having American companions.

  83. 83.

    hildebrand

    I think the President needs to make a recess appointment of Canton Everett Delaware III as the new companion.

  84. 84.

    TooManyJens

    @scav: Was Peri the only American companion? She’s the only one I can think of, unless you count Adam.

    @hildebrand:

    I think the President needs to make a recess appointment of Canton Everett Delaware III as the new companion.

    Seconded!

  89. 89.

    scav

    @TooManyJens: Wasn’t the one in the movie canonical? Grace something? Only she never went anywhere.

    ETA: This crowd clearly knows it’s geekdom. Still, seconded or thirded or whatevered for Canton Everett Delaware III. (he might even make up for the Peri-Adam double-blow).

  90. 90.

    Pygalgia

    As I explain on my site, this is probably true. Perhaps the CIA was sending me to Mars between 1980 and 83. I just thought that it was the drugs, because that’s what they wanted us to think.

  91. 91.

    Anne Laurie

    @El Cid:

    This is a negative? Our President can teleport himself to Mars and back?

    Do you want the Secret Service guys to have simultaneous nervous breakdowns, again?

  92. 92.

    TooManyJens

    As “Barry Soetero,” the 19-year-old Obama was one of 10 youths selected to secretly teleport to and from Mars

    Rumor has it that young “Barry Soetoro” was overheard to remark:

    Barack Obama is my name
    And Kenya is my nation
    Hawaii is my dwelling place
    And Mars my destination

  93. 93.

    Drum Circles And Weed

    Go in that Wired comment thread at your own risk. Equal parts crazy and stupid, with just a hint of butthurt ineffectual liberal to turn it into a perfect reactor of fucktardation.

  94. 94.

    jl

    @AlladinsLamp:

    Wingnuts walking through the dark forest on the silly brick road:

    Martians, Mormons, and Muzzes, Oh My!
    Martians, Mormons, and Muzzes, Oh My!
    Martians, Mormons, and Muzzes, Oh My!

  95. 95.

    redshirt

    Perhaps Soetoro was receiving terrorist Martian training and is now returned to Earth to seize power in the most powerful nation on Earth in order to prepare the planet for a TOTAL MARTIAN INVASION!

  96. 96.

    mdblanche

    Now, I’m not saying Barack Obama is the Kwisatz Haderach (but I kid you not when I say that “Kwisatz Haderach Obama” was the second prompting I got when typing it into Google to look up the spelling), but you’ve got to admit his Congressional opponents sure are Harkonnens.

  98. 98.

    DanielX

    Also, too – Mittens is totally possessed by the ghost of Brigham Young. If elected, he is immediately going to propose the legalization of bigamy and sex with fourteen year old girls. What’s worse, only 3.2 beer will be available and the only legal coffee will be percolater grind Maxwell House in a can.

  100. 100.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    OT:

    With the possibility of an inevitable Romney candidacy looming, Leon Wolf at the Redstate Ranch has called the cowboys out and has started the quadrennial Redstate Roundup to get their cattle in the pen, headed into the chute and onto the slaughterhouse trucks so they can be taken to market, where they are properly rebranded, processed and packaged for consumption by their Chosen One.

    Unfortunately for the cowboys some cattle have been startled by the chaos, which caused them scatter and mix with some of the unbranded mavericks, making more of a mess of things. The Redstate cowboys are valiantly trying to round the cows up for their final branding and trip to the slaughterhouse but there is disagreement among them about which brand to use; the Romney brand or the Noot brand. The Perry brand is still popular but some of the cattle think that it won’t sell at market. The Bachmann brand was dropped because of a fear of mad cow disease.

    Things are really tough over there at Redstate Ranch.

  101. 101.

    Suffern ACE

    @redshirt: God, I hope so. The planet could use a new set of leaders. Although looking at their planet, it appears they caught the austerity bug and have been hiding form bond vigilantes for the past billion years.

  102. 102.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @redshirt:

    Perhaps Soetoro was receiving terrorist Martian training and is now returned to Earth to seize power in the most powerful nation on Earth in order to prepare the planet for a TOTAL MARTIAN INVASION!

    As opposed to a partial Martian invasion?

    This is the part where the kid asks the dad where the Martians are, and the dad points to their reflections in the canal, and says “there, son.”

  103. 103.

    GregB

    Barack Obama did authorize the killing of the Libyans who were going to kill Doc Brown.

    So this could be true.

    It is also good news for the future John McCain Borg.

  104. 104.

    Jason

    I’ve been aware of this story for months now. I always thought it was too supremely stupid to ever break on the “big blogs.” Guess I was wrong.

  107. 107.

    gnomedad

    @redshirt:

    The funny thing really is, there’s probably a not small number of people that will sincerely believe this (that Obama went to Mars).
    The wingnuttiest of the Wingnuts, the 1% of the 27%ers!

    And the rest will get headaches from having to reject any conspiracy theory about Obama.

  110. 110.

    dww44

    @Ken:

    But I have nothing but contempt for the legislators who passed a useless bill which can only reinforce her delusions and those of others like her, rather than doing something that might really help such people, like increasing funding for mental health programs

    Oh, if only our legislature was only adept at passing useless legislation, and not dangerously useful (to them) stuff: like wholesale concealed carry gun permits, redistricting the state to eliminate a couple of Democratic leaning districts, voter id requirements, and a very onerous illegal immigrant law which is hurting the Agricultural sector in the state. Which is really ironic, considering that 98% of farmers and related businesses voted for the idiots who passed the law that’s now causing them lots of pain.

  112. 112.

    different-church-lady

    I’m sorry people, but the dude’s gotta be the most boring Doctor of the entire series.

    @jl:

    Leon Theremin playing his own instrument

    Good thing that wasn’t a link to Dick Hyman.

  114. 114.

    Nellcote

    @mdblanche:

    Now, I’m not saying Barack Obama is the Kwisatz Haderach

    Curse me for being Bene Gesserit but I’ve often suspected this was true.

  116. 116.

    tBone

    @redshirt:

    I wonder if there were also gay trysts on Mars – but with Martians.

    Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. The gay trysts were with Vince Foster in the Jump Room, shortly before he was murdered in order to frame Hillary Clinton and remove her as an obstacle to the ascension of the Manchurtian Candidate.

  117. 117.

    dww44

    @Emerald: I scanned the comments to see if anyone answered your question re the whereabouts of General Stuck. I, too, have noted his absence from BJ and hope that he’s doing ok.

  119. 119.

    Jess Sane

    That’s quite a scoop Ackerman has, considering this story was mentioned back in November on some website called Balloon Juice…

  120. 120.

    grandpa john

    @Southern Beale: David kennedy was involved in another lawsuit several years ago which he lost. He came over from Laurens and tried to involve himself in school board affairs in our county Abbeville. Along the way he managed to toss off some slanderous personal attacks against our Assistant principle, and Johnny who happens to be black did not take well to being called an uncle tom along with other remarks made by Kennedy in the public board meeting. He sued his ass, for slander or libel or what ever and he won

  122. 122.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    Speaking of Mars, some GOPers in New Hampshire are drafting a bill that requires subsequent bills to cite a relevant passage in the Magna Carta for their authority.

  125. 125.

    Suffern ACE

    @The prophet Nostradumbass: Christ almighty. I usually don’t go much for the state legislature nut-picking, since every statehouse has a few nuts and their legislative initiatives go nowhere…but THREE? THREE men got together and thought “What a great idea!” You’d think one of the three would have read the Magna Carta or would have said “nah, that’s just stupid.”

  129. 129.

    mdblanche

    @Suffern ACE:
    New Hampshire actually has the largest legislature of any state with a 400 member House. That works out to 1 rep for every 4,000 people or so. It’s not a very good setup for keeping out the riffraff so they always get more than their fair share of the nuts.

    Either that or they want the Welsh vote so badly, they don’t care if it costs them the Jewish vote.

    @Nellcote:
    Have you considered testing him with a gom jabbar?

  131. 131.

    handy

    some GOPers in New Hampshire are drafting a bill that requires subsequent bills to cite a relevant passage in the Magna Carta for their authority.

    That takes Originalism to a whole new level.

    On another note, Keith Olbermann has apparently run away from Current in a snit.

    HOOCOODANODE!

  132. 132.

    smith

    Olbermann is running out of networks to run out on. At this rate, the only channels left for him are the Food Network and QVC.

  133. 133.

    amk

    Where the fuck the little bo, the dog, fit in all this ? Is he really spock in cross-dressing ?

  134. 134.

    Jenny

    Olbermann accuses Al Gore of stabbing him in the back.

    I told you he was nutz.

    “I was not given a legitimate opportunity to host under acceptable conditions,” Olbermann said in a statement to The Hollywood Reporter on Wednesday. “They know it and we know it. Telling half the story is wrong.”

  137. 137.

    Jenny

    Okay. This is just tooooooooo fucking funny.

    Cenk’s show on CurrentTV had 4,000 viewers on Monday night. That’s not a misprint. Out of a country of 307,000,000, he had 4,000 viewers.

  138. 138.

    MikeJ

    @Jenny: In that same article KO was pissed off because he believed that the 8pm hour belonged to him, not the network, and that they should get his permission for anything they did with “his” hour.

  141. 141.

    Jenny

    Sadly, when Olbermann quit MSNBC, the internet was rancid with conspiracy theories. Even on this very blog, a FrontPager speculated that Obama had ordered MSNBC to fire him.

    This has been his entire history. His has great talent. But he freaked out at UPI, CNN, ESPN, Fox Sports, ABC Radio, The New York Yankees, MSNBC (twice), and now Al Gore’s liberal network.

    He’s the broadcast version of Billy Martin — a great talent who could never keep it together.

  143. 143.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    @Jenny: On the front page of the GOS, not a word. Heh.

    ETA: Nothing in the diaries today, either.

  144. 144.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    Jesus. You go to sleep for eight hours and this shit happens. How the fuck did this get out?

    I just need to make some calls to Langley, methinks, kiddies. None of you go anywhere. If some nice officers knock on your doors, do not panic.

    You may wish to pack some clean underwear.

  146. 146.

    Ian

    @AlladinsLamp:
    Eugggh. So full of fail. Was going to blockquote parts and rip them apart… but I just want to barf… Thank you for bringing this to us (BARF!)

  147. 147.

    Ian

    @Ken:

    a woman who claimed that the Defense Department had put up billboards with a cell phone number that anyone could call which would transmit a signal to the microchips the DoD had implanted in her vagina and cause her great pain

    Now imagine being the legislator who voted against this insane bill, explaining this to his neanderthal brethren.

  150. 150.

    N. Eugene

    I think that original story is pretty old – I remember seeing it a few months ago. Still a very impressive piece of work.

  152. 152.

    rea

    This is an obvious White House plot to distract people from teh very serious questions surrounding “Obama’s” birth cert–no, I’m sorry, I thought I could be sarcastic enough, but I just can’t pull it off.

  153. 153.

    shoutingattherain

    “Dogs flew spaceships! The Aztecs invented the vacation! Men and women are the same sex! Our forefathers took drugs! Your brain is not the boss! Yes! That’s right! Everything you know is wrong!”

    And you probably don’t even know where you are…

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