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It’s pointless to bring up problems that can only be solved with a time machine.

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Good lord, these people are nuts.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

The words do not have to be perfect.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

All hail the time of the bunny!

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

Since we are repeating ourselves, let me just say fuck that.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

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You are here: Home / Open Threads / “Officially, the White House says Obama never went to Mars…”

“Officially, the White House says Obama never went to Mars…”

by Dennis G.|  January 4, 20128:11 pm| 154 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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<a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/59124558@N06/6638035073/” title=”Astounding_SF_1939_on_Mars by dengre.bj, on Flickr”><img src=”http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7015/6638035073_a04e77cd0d.jpg” width=”346″ height=”500″ alt=”Astounding_SF_1939_on_Mars”></a>

The title is a quote from  Spencer Ackerman’s Danger Room blog from Wired.

He has a great scoop on the latest Obama conspiracy theory (h/t GOS):

As a young man in the early 1980s, Obama was part of a secret CIA project to explore Mars. The future president teleported there, along with the future head of Darpa. [snip]

As “Barry Soetero,” the 19-year-old Obama was one of 10 youths selected to secretly teleport to and from Mars, forming a band of interplanetaryTeen Titans. Regina Dugan, the director of Darpa, was another member.

Between 1981 and 1983, Obama is supposed to have visited Mars twice, by way of a teleportation chamber called a “jump room.”

I can’t wait for mittens to work this into his stump speech–and this is very good news for John McCain. It also seems to be good news for birthers as it provides a new explanation for their cause:

You can scoff at the idea of Obama on Mars. But it explains a lot. Obviously the birth-certificate controversy is a side effect of Obama forgetting to sufficiently establish his fake identity as he learned to manipulate time and space.

I wonder if Drudge has turned on the blue light yet and/or if Halperin is on the case?

Cheers

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Reader Interactions

154Comments

  1. 1.

    Egg Berry

    January 4, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Beam me up, Sotero

  2. 2.

    DFS

    January 4, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Reminds me of Rogue Moon, a fine Algis Budrys novel from back in the ’50s.

  3. 3.

    Yutsano

    January 4, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Anyone else getting visions of a TARDIS in the East Wing?

  4. 4.

    Cat Lady

    January 4, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    His mother was Bene Gesserit, so there’s that.

  5. 5.

    redshirt

    January 4, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    His name is a Killing Word….

  6. 6.

    dmsilev

    January 4, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    No no no. Barack Obama is a Time Lord. How else could he fake the evidence of his own birth?

  7. 7.

    Felinious Wench

    January 4, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    I got nuthin.

  8. 8.

    ruemara

    January 4, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    If he’s got a TARDIS… DIBS ON BEING FIRST COMPANION!

  9. 9.

    Emerald

    January 4, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    I got nuthin also too, but I bet General Stuck would have sumpthin.

    WHERE IS HE?

  10. 10.

    Suffern ACE

    January 4, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Makes sense that they’d install one of their own at this time. Cover up the truth of what’s really going on. Natural gas fracking don’t cause no earthquakes. Fracking for dilithium crystals is another story.

  11. 11.

    hhex65

    January 4, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    this one seems legit, you have photographic proof right there in yr post

  12. 12.

    dmsilev

    January 4, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    Oh, wait a minute, I have it! Barack Obama is Lazarus Long, and he went back in time and slept with his own mother! He is his own father!

  13. 13.

    redshirt

    January 4, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    I wonder if there were also gay trysts on Mars – but with Martians. Is it gay if it’s with a Martian anyways? Inquiring minds need to know.

  14. 14.

    jl

    January 4, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    College of the Siskiyous!? That can mean only one thing. Bigfoot were teleported to Mars too. Probably to breed with Marvin the Martian’s death killer dog, K9, producing killer death Bigdogfoots who will conquer the earth with Acme disintegrator ray guns.

    Barry is evil, out of this world evil.

    Sheeples, wake up!

  15. 15.

    DFS

    January 4, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Man this thread is already like neutronium-dense dorkdom. I like it.

  16. 16.

    Emma

    January 4, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Come on, come on. He’s The Lord Apophis returned!

  17. 17.

    Baud

    January 4, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    The fact that the White House denied that Obama went to Mars is conclusive proof that Obama went to Mars.

  18. 18.

    Jenny

    January 4, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    Only Ron Paul has the courage to expose this.

    /Glenbot’d

  19. 19.

    Schlemizel

    January 4, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    my apologies in advance but someone is going to say it so it might just as well be me
    .
    .
    .
    .
    But, you know, Santorum is from Uranus.

    Please forgive

  20. 20.

    Dennis G.

    January 4, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    @Baud: …or proof that they’re covering up something even bigger and far more mind-blowing…

  21. 21.

    JPL

    January 4, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    TMZ.com has pics of the President and I keep leafing through the hundred plus photos and can’t find any fat.. Could it be that he’s not human?

    i broke the link.. here.. http://www.tmz.com/2012/01/04/president-barack-obama-football-hawaii/#.TwT92lbfVWo

  22. 22.

    dmsilev

    January 4, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    Yes, yes, but how many electoral votes does Barsoom have?

  23. 23.

    opie jeanne

    January 4, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    @Jenny: Priceless, as is the article.

  24. 24.

    handsmile

    January 4, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    And yet everyone laughed when Obama revealed this in October 2008:

    Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth.

    Isn’t it obvious by now that that “Hawaiian birth certificate” is a hologram fabricated by an advanced alien civilization?

    Laugh while you can, monkey-boys!

  25. 25.

    Hewer of Wood, Drawer of Water

    January 4, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    @jl: and you know where the College of the Siskiyous is don’t you? Weed, California!! That can’t be a coincidence!

  26. 26.

    Roger Moore

    January 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    @Yutsano:

    Anyone else getting visions of a TARDIS in the East Wing?

    That is sooooo last season.

  27. 27.

    Judas Escargot

    January 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    Obama is the Black John Carter.

  28. 28.

    dmsilev

    January 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    @handsmile: There’s even photographic proof: http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h22/Daniegirl1793/050.jpg

    Edit: And your last line really should read “laugh it up, monkey boy”. Though I’m pretty sure Yoyodyne is a major contributor to Mitt Romney’s SuperPAC.

  29. 29.

    WereBear (itouch)

    January 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    This is why Bush wanted to go to Mars. To divert the time line and keep Barry from becoming President!

  30. 30.

    redshirt

    January 4, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    The funny thing really is, there’s probably a not small number of people that will sincerely believe this (that Obama went to Mars).

    The wingnuttiest of the Wingnuts, the 1% of the 27%ers!

  31. 31.

    Johannes

    January 4, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Having failed as “Harry Saxon,” has he regenerated again and set his sites on…the USA?

  32. 32.

    Southern Beale

    January 4, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    So, funny story … two KKK racists fight over a woman and one gets back at the other by deeding his official Redneck Store where Klansmen buy their white robes and other Klan gear to …wait for it .. an African American Baptist Church.

    Hilarity and lawsuits ensue.

  33. 33.

    Drum Circles And Weed

    January 4, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    The reptoids (and you may be certain that Obama is one, all American leaders since WW II have been) have been doing this since Nicola Tesla build the first Stargate back in the 1890s. This can’t be a shock to any of you.

  34. 34.

    Lojasmo

    January 4, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    If Obama was accused of raping Mars, I would defend him.

    Too soon?

  35. 35.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    January 4, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    @Roger Moore:

    I was going to say exactly the same thing “I need a pot of coffee, maps of all the streets, twelve jammie dodgers and a fez”

  36. 36.

    robertdsc-PowerBook

    January 4, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    The first media person to mention this on the trail deserves a drone strike on their house.

  37. 37.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    January 4, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    @Judas Escargot:

    Black John Carter

    FTMFW!!

  38. 38.

    dmsilev

    January 4, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Barack Obama is Hari Seldon.

  39. 39.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    January 4, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    @dmsilev: So the sales of Imipolex G been strong enough that Yoyodyne can afford campaign contributions?

  40. 40.

    Yutsano

    January 4, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    The real tell? Does he eat pears?

  41. 41.

    jl

    January 4, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    @Drum Circles And Weed:

    This guy is involved too, since there has to be a Rooskie connection.

    Leon Theremin playing his own instrument
    http://youtu.be/w5qf9O6c20o

    And, no wisecracks from you people, this is s serious story. Just wait until Newt gets on it, and you will see just how serious this is.

  42. 42.

    jeffreyw

    January 4, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    Has anyone ever seen Michelle Obama’s belly button? Maybe I should ask about Dejah Obama?

  43. 43.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    January 4, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    @redshirt: If you do the math, 27% of 27% of 27% works out to just under 2%. There’s your real answer. Coincidence? I think not.

  44. 44.

    dmsilev

    January 4, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    @Judas Escargot:

    Obama is the Black John Carter.

    The Google Machine tells me that Disney, of all companies, is set to unleash a film version of John Carter in a couple of months. Tarzan wept.

  45. 45.

    El Cid

    January 4, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    This is a negative? Our President can teleport himself to Mars and back?

    I mean, it’s not tying a dog to the roof of a car, but it seems impressive in its own way.

  46. 46.

    gene108

    January 4, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    Obviously the birth-certificate controversy is a side effect of Obama forgetting to sufficiently establish his fake identity as he learned to manipulate time and space.

    I think it has more to do with his mastering space-time to become his own father…explains, why he never goes by Barack Obama II or Junior…

  47. 47.

    jl

    January 4, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    @gene108: OK, nobody touch 12 monkeys with a ten foot pole. Nor La Jetee neither, for the hipsters.

  48. 48.

    JGabriel

    January 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    @dmsilev:

    Barack Obama is Hari Seldon.

    Then who is Paul Krugman?

    .

  49. 49.

    Cassidy

    January 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    So much geekdom ruined by Dr. Who references. Get off my lawn you noob fanboys.

  50. 50.

    Roger Moore

    January 4, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    @Litlebritdifrnt:
    Fezzes are cool!

  51. 51.

    MikeJ

    January 4, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    @El Cid:

    I mean, it’s not tying a dog to the roof of a car,

    Making light of animal abuse. You’re a monster.

  52. 52.

    Certified Mutant Enemy

    January 4, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    A bunch of deviated preverts…

  53. 53.

    scav

    January 4, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    @handsmile: Psychic Long Form Birth Certificate! It explains everything — you read what you expect to.

  54. 54.

    Mnemosyne

    January 4, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Well, there do seem to be persistent rumors that the 12th Doctor will be black. I was hoping for Chiwetel Ejiofor, myself, but I can make do with this Obama guy.

  55. 55.

    Cassidy

    January 4, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    @MikeJ:

    Making light of animal abuse. You’re a monster.

    You’re not the same one who used the metaphor “gunning down” in reference to the VT game are you?

  56. 56.

    dmsilev

    January 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Barack Obama gave advice to Mentor of Arisia.

  57. 57.

    Mark S.

    January 4, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    This could backfire on Obama in the general election. Independent voters may decide that Mr. Romney’s adherence to the traditional limitations of time travel make him more palatable as a candidate.

    Can I write for the NYT now?

  58. 58.

    ruemara

    January 4, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    I think he came from an axlotl tank, so he’s Tleilaxu. It explains the 11 dimensional chess theory.

  59. 59.

    Baud

    January 4, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    @Mark S.: Real Americans travel linearly through time.

  60. 60.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    January 4, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    Hmmmm – I think I may have overdone the log fire this evening, my house is like a damn furnace, (it is something like 20 degrees outside). Of course all the animals are happy, they like it snuggly.

  61. 61.

    jl

    January 4, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Quick, someone check out Weekly World News.

    Who is Obama’s space alien adviser? That will give us clues.

    Or, probably more accurately, who does the WH claim to be Obama’s space alien adviser?

    Is it the all American family values space alien adviser that GW relied on? I think not.

  62. 62.

    Roger Moore

    January 4, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    @Baud:

    Real Americans travel linearly through time.

    In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

  63. 63.

    driftglass

    January 4, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    John Kenyan of Mars

  64. 64.

    FridayNext

    January 4, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    It’s true, but me, my grandfather Colonel Next and the rest of the Chronoguard are on it. That and making sure the world doesn’t turn into a mass of strawberry Dream Topping.

  65. 65.

    The Dangerman

    January 4, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    The Wired Danger Room? It’s where I have my morning coffee.

  66. 66.

    Nellcote

    January 4, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Orly Taints gets a birther hearing in Geogia

    http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2012/01/04/134790/orly-taitz-hails-judges-decision.html#disqus_thread

  67. 67.

    AlladinsLamp

    January 4, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Martians, Mormons, Muslims; can’t tell ’em apart.

    I think Mitt Romney is a nice man, but I’m afraid of his Mormon faith,” Manning said. “It’s better than a Muslim. Of course, every time you look at the TV these days you find an ad on there telling us how normal they are. So why do they have to put ads on the TV just to convince us that they’re normal if they are normal? … If the Mormon faith adhered to a past philosophy of pluralism, multi-wives, that doesn’t follow the Christian faith of one man and one woman, and that concerns me.”
    Georgua State Rep. Judy Manning, a Newt Gingrich supporter

    http://blogs.ajc.com/political-insider-jim-galloway/2012/01/04/state-lawmaker-mitt-romney-%E2%80%98a-nice-man-but-i%E2%80%99m-afraid-of-his-mormon-faith%E2%80%99/

  68. 68.

    Ken

    January 4, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    @redshirt:

    The funny thing really is, there’s probably a not small number of people that will sincerely believe this (that Obama went to Mars).

    Yes, but the ones that really concern me are those who will try to exploit their belief. Example:

    A year or so ago, the Georgia legislature heard testimony from a woman who claimed that the Defense Department had put up billboards with a cell phone number that anyone could call which would transmit a signal to the microchips the DoD had implanted in her vagina and cause her great pain. So the legislature passed a law against implanting microchips in people.

    Now, I cannot fault that woman. But I have nothing but contempt for the legislators who passed a useless bill which can only reinforce her delusions and those of others like her, rather than doing something that might really help such people, like increasing funding for mental health programs

  69. 69.

    The Dangerman

    January 4, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    …Obama is supposed to have visited Mars twice, by way of a teleportation chamber called a “jump room.”

    Presumably, this came out of a magazine that should be read in the “dump room”.

  70. 70.

    Ken

    January 4, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    I would like to assure the Georgians in the audience that Nellcote @66, AlladinsLamp @67, and I @68 were not engaged in some sort of conspiracy. We all just happened to post news linking the insane and the Georgia government within a few minutes of one another.

  71. 71.

    Morbo

    January 4, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    Oh my Thor, that comment section is a cesspool.

  72. 72.

    LesGS

    January 4, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    @Mnemosyne: Obama with a sword? AND a TARDIS? Awesome.

  73. 73.

    dexwood

    January 4, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Obama is really J’onn J’onzz, the Martian Manhunter.

  74. 74.

    Shabby

    January 4, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    This thread is not complete without quoting:

    “Mars bitches”

    That is all.

  75. 75.

    Steeplejack

    January 4, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    @dmsilev:

    I always thought Michelle Obama reminded me of someone–the incomparable Dejah Thoris!

  76. 76.

    Gravenstone

    January 4, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    @redshirt: Sacrilege!!

  77. 77.

    Wannabe Speechwriter

    January 4, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    According to Tyler Cowen, we’d be on Mars right now if Paul Krugman was more moderate…

  78. 78.

    johio

    January 4, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Wait a minute! He knows how to travel to Mars and he hasn’t invited contributors for a tour?!? See if he ever gets another dime from me!

  79. 79.

    Narcissus

    January 4, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    How does Disney make a John Carter movie? What about all the nudity and violence?

    The good parts I mean

  80. 80.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    January 4, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    @Cassidy: Well, if the Doctor had visited America more often, rather than just having American companions.

  81. 81.

    Gravenstone

    January 4, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    @Morbo: You aren’t just whistling Dixie. Ye gods, the stupid runs thick in that thread.

  82. 82.

    scav

    January 4, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent): Seriously, Peri? puts one right off the idea of more.

  83. 83.

    hildebrand

    January 4, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    I think the President needs to make a recess appointment of Canton Everett Delaware III as the new companion.

  84. 84.

    TooManyJens

    January 4, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    @scav: Was Peri the only American companion? She’s the only one I can think of, unless you count Adam.

    @hildebrand:

    I think the President needs to make a recess appointment of Canton Everett Delaware III as the new companion.

    Seconded!

  85. 85.

    Canuckistani Tom

    January 4, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    @handsmile:

    And that’s how he ended up as Superman in the pages of Final Crisis

  86. 86.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    January 4, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    @dmsilev: Arisia. QX Ace, let’s flit!

  87. 87.

    Canuckistani Tom

    January 4, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    @TooManyJens:
    What about Grace Holloway from the TV movie?

  88. 88.

    TooManyJens

    January 4, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    @Canuckistani Tom: Fair point. I’d forgotten that.

  89. 89.

    scav

    January 4, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    @TooManyJens: Wasn’t the one in the movie canonical? Grace something? Only she never went anywhere.

    ETA: This crowd clearly knows it’s geekdom. Still, seconded or thirded or whatevered for Canton Everett Delaware III. (he might even make up for the Peri-Adam double-blow).

  90. 90.

    Pygalgia

    January 4, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    As I explain on my site, this is probably true. Perhaps the CIA was sending me to Mars between 1980 and 83. I just thought that it was the drugs, because that’s what they wanted us to think.

  91. 91.

    Anne Laurie

    January 4, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    @El Cid:

    This is a negative? Our President can teleport himself to Mars and back?

    Do you want the Secret Service guys to have simultaneous nervous breakdowns, again?

  92. 92.

    TooManyJens

    January 4, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    As “Barry Soetero,” the 19-year-old Obama was one of 10 youths selected to secretly teleport to and from Mars

    Rumor has it that young “Barry Soetoro” was overheard to remark:

    Barack Obama is my name
    And Kenya is my nation
    Hawaii is my dwelling place
    And Mars my destination

  93. 93.

    Drum Circles And Weed

    January 4, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    Go in that Wired comment thread at your own risk. Equal parts crazy and stupid, with just a hint of butthurt ineffectual liberal to turn it into a perfect reactor of fucktardation.

  94. 94.

    jl

    January 4, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    @AlladinsLamp:

    Wingnuts walking through the dark forest on the silly brick road:

    Martians, Mormons, and Muzzes, Oh My!
    Martians, Mormons, and Muzzes, Oh My!
    Martians, Mormons, and Muzzes, Oh My!

  95. 95.

    redshirt

    January 4, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Perhaps Soetoro was receiving terrorist Martian training and is now returned to Earth to seize power in the most powerful nation on Earth in order to prepare the planet for a TOTAL MARTIAN INVASION!

  96. 96.

    mdblanche

    January 4, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    Now, I’m not saying Barack Obama is the Kwisatz Haderach (but I kid you not when I say that “Kwisatz Haderach Obama” was the second prompting I got when typing it into Google to look up the spelling), but you’ve got to admit his Congressional opponents sure are Harkonnens.

  97. 97.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 4, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    @Drum Circles And Weed:

    The stupid in that comment thread is as thick as santorum.

  98. 98.

    DanielX

    January 4, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    Also, too – Mittens is totally possessed by the ghost of Brigham Young. If elected, he is immediately going to propose the legalization of bigamy and sex with fourteen year old girls. What’s worse, only 3.2 beer will be available and the only legal coffee will be percolater grind Maxwell House in a can.

  99. 99.

    dmsilev

    January 4, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    @mdblanche: If he can arrange for Eric Cantor to be eaten by a sandworm, I am so voting for him.

    Also, too, http://i.imgur.com/VhkzE.jpg

  100. 100.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    January 4, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    OT:

    With the possibility of an inevitable Romney candidacy looming, Leon Wolf at the Redstate Ranch has called the cowboys out and has started the quadrennial Redstate Roundup to get their cattle in the pen, headed into the chute and onto the slaughterhouse trucks so they can be taken to market, where they are properly rebranded, processed and packaged for consumption by their Chosen One.

    Unfortunately for the cowboys some cattle have been startled by the chaos, which caused them scatter and mix with some of the unbranded mavericks, making more of a mess of things. The Redstate cowboys are valiantly trying to round the cows up for their final branding and trip to the slaughterhouse but there is disagreement among them about which brand to use; the Romney brand or the Noot brand. The Perry brand is still popular but some of the cattle think that it won’t sell at market. The Bachmann brand was dropped because of a fear of mad cow disease.

    Things are really tough over there at Redstate Ranch.

  101. 101.

    Suffern ACE

    January 4, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    @redshirt: God, I hope so. The planet could use a new set of leaders. Although looking at their planet, it appears they caught the austerity bug and have been hiding form bond vigilantes for the past billion years.

  102. 102.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 4, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    @redshirt:

    Perhaps Soetoro was receiving terrorist Martian training and is now returned to Earth to seize power in the most powerful nation on Earth in order to prepare the planet for a TOTAL MARTIAN INVASION!

    As opposed to a partial Martian invasion?

    This is the part where the kid asks the dad where the Martians are, and the dad points to their reflections in the canal, and says “there, son.”

  103. 103.

    GregB

    January 4, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    Barack Obama did authorize the killing of the Libyans who were going to kill Doc Brown.

    So this could be true.

    It is also good news for the future John McCain Borg.

  104. 104.

    Jason

    January 4, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    I’ve been aware of this story for months now. I always thought it was too supremely stupid to ever break on the “big blogs.” Guess I was wrong.

  105. 105.

    Roger Moore

    January 4, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    @Judas Escargot:

    Obama is the Black John Carter.

    Is that a step up or down from being the Black Jimmy Carter?

  106. 106.

    Omnes Omnibus

    January 4, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    @Roger Moore: ER did have a long run although I think it went downhill after Clooney left.

  107. 107.

    gnomedad

    January 4, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    @redshirt:

    The funny thing really is, there’s probably a not small number of people that will sincerely believe this (that Obama went to Mars).
    The wingnuttiest of the Wingnuts, the 1% of the 27%ers!

    And the rest will get headaches from having to reject any conspiracy theory about Obama.

  108. 108.

    Will

    January 4, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    Of course, the president needs to come out and completely own this one. Just admit it.

  109. 109.

    MikeJ

    January 4, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: NPR listener (#8).

  110. 110.

    dww44

    January 4, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    @Ken:

    But I have nothing but contempt for the legislators who passed a useless bill which can only reinforce her delusions and those of others like her, rather than doing something that might really help such people, like increasing funding for mental health programs

    Oh, if only our legislature was only adept at passing useless legislation, and not dangerously useful (to them) stuff: like wholesale concealed carry gun permits, redistricting the state to eliminate a couple of Democratic leaning districts, voter id requirements, and a very onerous illegal immigrant law which is hurting the Agricultural sector in the state. Which is really ironic, considering that 98% of farmers and related businesses voted for the idiots who passed the law that’s now causing them lots of pain.

  111. 111.

    Omnes Omnibus

    January 4, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    @MikeJ: /YAWN

  112. 112.

    different-church-lady

    January 4, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    I’m sorry people, but the dude’s gotta be the most boring Doctor of the entire series.

    @jl:

    Leon Theremin playing his own instrument

    Good thing that wasn’t a link to Dick Hyman.

  113. 113.

    MikeJ

    January 4, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Way to go out on a limb.

  114. 114.

    Nellcote

    January 4, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    @mdblanche:

    Now, I’m not saying Barack Obama is the Kwisatz Haderach

    Curse me for being Bene Gesserit but I’ve often suspected this was true.

  115. 115.

    Omnes Omnibus

    January 4, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    @MikeJ: We’ve only got 17 more, should we use ’em?

  116. 116.

    tBone

    January 4, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    @redshirt:

    I wonder if there were also gay trysts on Mars – but with Martians.

    Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. The gay trysts were with Vince Foster in the Jump Room, shortly before he was murdered in order to frame Hillary Clinton and remove her as an obstacle to the ascension of the Manchurtian Candidate.

  117. 117.

    dww44

    January 4, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    @Emerald: I scanned the comments to see if anyone answered your question re the whereabouts of General Stuck. I, too, have noted his absence from BJ and hope that he’s doing ok.

  118. 118.

    MikeJ

    January 4, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    @Emerald: December 22 last sighting.

  119. 119.

    Jess Sane

    January 4, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    That’s quite a scoop Ackerman has, considering this story was mentioned back in November on some website called Balloon Juice…

  120. 120.

    grandpa john

    January 4, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    @Southern Beale: David kennedy was involved in another lawsuit several years ago which he lost. He came over from Laurens and tried to involve himself in school board affairs in our county Abbeville. Along the way he managed to toss off some slanderous personal attacks against our Assistant principle, and Johnny who happens to be black did not take well to being called an uncle tom along with other remarks made by Kennedy in the public board meeting. He sued his ass, for slander or libel or what ever and he won

  121. 121.

    PeakVT

    January 4, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    @JPL: You and those pictures of Obama should get a room.

  122. 122.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    January 5, 2012 at 12:03 am

    Speaking of Mars, some GOPers in New Hampshire are drafting a bill that requires subsequent bills to cite a relevant passage in the Magna Carta for their authority.

  123. 123.

    KG

    January 5, 2012 at 12:07 am

    @efgoldman: She was sanctioned by a Georgia district court, but remains in good tending with the Cal bar

  124. 124.

    hhex65

    January 5, 2012 at 12:08 am

    @Roger Moore: I’d say it’s a step up, but Jimmy Carter is also “immortal” in a way.

  125. 125.

    Suffern ACE

    January 5, 2012 at 12:11 am

    @The prophet Nostradumbass: Christ almighty. I usually don’t go much for the state legislature nut-picking, since every statehouse has a few nuts and their legislative initiatives go nowhere…but THREE? THREE men got together and thought “What a great idea!” You’d think one of the three would have read the Magna Carta or would have said “nah, that’s just stupid.”

  126. 126.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    January 5, 2012 at 12:22 am

    @Suffern ACE: I never cease to be amazed by some of these clowns.

    On another note, Keith Olbermann has apparently run away from Current in a snit.

  127. 127.

    Emerald

    January 5, 2012 at 12:38 am

    @dww44: @MikeJ: Thanks guys.

    So nobody knows.

    Can Cole try to find him?

  128. 128.

    Smitty

    January 5, 2012 at 12:41 am

    @Suffern ACE: but aren’t we supposed to guard against the insidious influence of international law on US law?

  129. 129.

    mdblanche

    January 5, 2012 at 12:46 am

    @Suffern ACE:
    New Hampshire actually has the largest legislature of any state with a 400 member House. That works out to 1 rep for every 4,000 people or so. It’s not a very good setup for keeping out the riffraff so they always get more than their fair share of the nuts.

    Either that or they want the Welsh vote so badly, they don’t care if it costs them the Jewish vote.

    @Nellcote:
    Have you considered testing him with a gom jabbar?

  130. 130.

    Yutsano

    January 5, 2012 at 12:55 am

    I just want y’all to know, you forced me to do this.

  131. 131.

    handy

    January 5, 2012 at 1:00 am

    some GOPers in New Hampshire are drafting a bill that requires subsequent bills to cite a relevant passage in the Magna Carta for their authority.

    That takes Originalism to a whole new level.

    On another note, Keith Olbermann has apparently run away from Current in a snit.

    HOOCOODANODE!

  132. 132.

    smith

    January 5, 2012 at 1:11 am

    Olbermann is running out of networks to run out on. At this rate, the only channels left for him are the Food Network and QVC.

  133. 133.

    amk

    January 5, 2012 at 1:42 am

    Where the fuck the little bo, the dog, fit in all this ? Is he really spock in cross-dressing ?

  134. 134.

    Jenny

    January 5, 2012 at 1:51 am

    Olbermann accuses Al Gore of stabbing him in the back.

    I told you he was nutz.

    “I was not given a legitimate opportunity to host under acceptable conditions,” Olbermann said in a statement to The Hollywood Reporter on Wednesday. “They know it and we know it. Telling half the story is wrong.”

  135. 135.

    Nellcote

    January 5, 2012 at 1:51 am

    gooper candidates in NH should be asked the Magna Carta question.

  136. 136.

    amk

    January 5, 2012 at 1:53 am

    @Jenny: I wonder how many kossacks will shoot themselves tonight.

  137. 137.

    Jenny

    January 5, 2012 at 1:59 am

    Okay. This is just tooooooooo fucking funny.

    Cenk’s show on CurrentTV had 4,000 viewers on Monday night. That’s not a misprint. Out of a country of 307,000,000, he had 4,000 viewers.

  138. 138.

    MikeJ

    January 5, 2012 at 2:03 am

    @Jenny: In that same article KO was pissed off because he believed that the 8pm hour belonged to him, not the network, and that they should get his permission for anything they did with “his” hour.

  139. 139.

    Hill Dweller

    January 5, 2012 at 2:03 am

    @Jenny: All Ron Paul voters.

  140. 140.

    mdblanche

    January 5, 2012 at 2:07 am

    @Jenny:
    Maybe he should run for the New Hampshire House of Representatives.

  141. 141.

    Jenny

    January 5, 2012 at 2:14 am

    Sadly, when Olbermann quit MSNBC, the internet was rancid with conspiracy theories. Even on this very blog, a FrontPager speculated that Obama had ordered MSNBC to fire him.

    This has been his entire history. His has great talent. But he freaked out at UPI, CNN, ESPN, Fox Sports, ABC Radio, The New York Yankees, MSNBC (twice), and now Al Gore’s liberal network.

    He’s the broadcast version of Billy Martin — a great talent who could never keep it together.

  142. 142.

    Jewish Steel

    January 5, 2012 at 2:37 am

    BO is Kilgore Trout? Haplessly unstuck in time and space?

  143. 143.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    January 5, 2012 at 2:56 am

    @Jenny: On the front page of the GOS, not a word. Heh.

    ETA: Nothing in the diaries today, either.

  144. 144.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    January 5, 2012 at 3:47 am

    Jesus. You go to sleep for eight hours and this shit happens. How the fuck did this get out?

    I just need to make some calls to Langley, methinks, kiddies. None of you go anywhere. If some nice officers knock on your doors, do not panic.

    You may wish to pack some clean underwear.

  145. 145.

    Ian

    January 5, 2012 at 4:23 am

    Can I say that I believe every second of this? It is irresponsible not to consider it?

  146. 146.

    Ian

    January 5, 2012 at 4:37 am

    @AlladinsLamp:
    Eugggh. So full of fail. Was going to blockquote parts and rip them apart… but I just want to barf… Thank you for bringing this to us (BARF!)

  147. 147.

    Ian

    January 5, 2012 at 4:40 am

    @Ken:

    a woman who claimed that the Defense Department had put up billboards with a cell phone number that anyone could call which would transmit a signal to the microchips the DoD had implanted in her vagina and cause her great pain

    Now imagine being the legislator who voted against this insane bill, explaining this to his neanderthal brethren.

  148. 148.

    Cheryl from Maryland

    January 5, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Thank you all for an entertaining morning.

  149. 149.

    Paul in KY

    January 5, 2012 at 8:39 am

    @dmsilev: I think he’s Alacrity Fitzhugh ;-)

  150. 150.

    N. Eugene

    January 5, 2012 at 8:53 am

    I think that original story is pretty old – I remember seeing it a few months ago. Still a very impressive piece of work.

  151. 151.

    g

    January 5, 2012 at 9:56 am

    WEll, this explains everything!

  152. 152.

    rea

    January 5, 2012 at 9:59 am

    This is an obvious White House plot to distract people from teh very serious questions surrounding “Obama’s” birth cert–no, I’m sorry, I thought I could be sarcastic enough, but I just can’t pull it off.

  153. 153.

    shoutingattherain

    January 5, 2012 at 10:25 am

    “Dogs flew spaceships! The Aztecs invented the vacation! Men and women are the same sex! Our forefathers took drugs! Your brain is not the boss! Yes! That’s right! Everything you know is wrong!”

    And you probably don’t even know where you are…

Comments are closed.

Trackbacks

  1. What I’m Reading Wednesday, January 4, 2012 | Rationally Thinking Out Loud says:
    January 4, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    […] Balloon Juice » “Officially, the White House says Obama never went to Mars…” — H’oh boy… Wait till the wingnut kooks get this one. Share and Enjoy:Written by: Jerrald Hayes on January 4, 2012. […]

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