Like, what would actually be the theme song that captures the geist of the Romney campaign.
He’s tried stuff like “Eye of the Tiger” — which is exactly the kind of cliché you’d expect a never-hip cyborg to seize upon. It instantly dates/ages anyone whose neural circuits flare even momentarily, and it has all the motivational draw of a stack of green stamps.
No…especially after the descriptions of the Mittens/McCain event crater described here, I think that pain and a swollen gum have led me to the perfect Romney signature tune. What could be better than this:
<div align=”center”><iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”http://www.youtube.com/embed/r8oFlXnnwKI” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
After all: no one could deny that the tune delivers precisely the kind of uplifting message any candidate would want to deliver, right? This version, though, is perfectly adapted for use in the RomneyVerse. As performed (by soshalist Swedes!), it precisely evokes the feeling induced by any amount of time spent too close to the RomneyBot: the nearly uncontrollable urge to gnaw one’s own arm off at the shoulder if that’s what it takes to escape the room.
So here’s the challenge for the commentariat: give us your choice tracks (for all the candidates). And/or consider this an open thread.
*Aging Deteriorating, though better than the alternative, sucks rocks.
Image: Samuel Coleman, The Edge of Doom, between 1836 and 1838.
freelancer
Thanks for the OT, Tom and hope surgery goes well!
This is the coolest video I’ve seen today.
Cassidy
Since it’s an open thread….anyone here own kettlebells? Any reccomendations?
SteveM
Well, here’s a song Romney could address to the wingnut base.
Moonbatting Average
Romney: “Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto” – Styx
Paul: “Paranoid” – Black Sabbath
Santorum: “Stinkfist” – Tool
Gingrich: “Welcome to Planet Motherfucker” – White Zombie
Perry: Yakety Sax, or “I Want Your Sex” – George Michael
Huntsman: “One” – Metallica, or “Never There” -Cake
JPL
@Cassidy: Well Yes I do.. It’s the wrong question though. The question should be does anyone exercise with kettle bells. My son’s s.o. takes classes and enjoys them.
Moonbatting Average
Oh, one more…
Obama: “Fear of a Black Planet” – Public Enemy
El Cruzado
I dunno about the song, but the painting is perfect.
DanielX
Good luck, Tom…I foresee a visit to an endodontist, antibiotics and oral narcotics in your future. Oh yes, and lots of money being reallocated from you to your friendly dental provider.
Calouste
@Moonbatting Average:
If we’re talking about Cake songs to describe Huntsman, I think “Going the Distance” is appropriate as well, specially that bit where he’s still going around the race track while all the spectators have gone home.
Warren Terra
RE the McCain/Romney event, I posted a link to this late last night, but I’ll repeat: there is a terrific write-up of the Iowa Caucus night experience by Paul Constant in Dan Savage’s Seattle alt-weekly The Stranger; the sections on McCain are especially good
Josie
What do you know about aging, you young whippersnapper? Hope all goes ok with your surgery.
Edit: Ah, I see you crossed it out.
joes527
Can someone explain what Mittens is doing hanging out with Walnuts in the first place?
I mean, besides providing the comedy gold, what possible benefit can he derive from being seen with the guy who lost to Obama last time?
kerFuFFler
For Gingrich perhaps Henry Hall’s Teddy Bear’s Picnic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZANKFxrcKU
Hill Dweller
@joes527: Willard is also enlisting Pawlenty and Christie for the cause in NH. They should do a Laurel and Hardy-like routine, where Pawlenty puts the crowd to sleep and Christie smacks him for it.
Svensker
@Cassidy:
Be careful! You can really hurt yourself if you don’t pay attention and follow the instructions.
A friend of ours was a big proponent of them until he ripped his back out. Then he gave them to us. (We donated them to the Sally Ann.)
Stuart
Gingrich: “This Party Sucks,” Slickee Boys. Someone with a little bit of time could do a decent animation . . .
Mnemosyne
FWIW, I had three root canals in fairly close succession and it wasn’t as bad as advertised. I was sore for a day or two afterwards, but nothing ibuprofen didn’t take care of. No pain at all during the actual procedure, but that was because the endodontist gave me so much novocaine that I was numb all the way up to my eyebrow.
Also, too, I’ve been enjoying the new Foo Fighters record. Apparently Dave Grohl and I (who are the same age) have come to the same conclusion: we are not going to go out in a flame of glory, but will slowly run down for the next 30 or 40 years. And that pretty much sucks.
JGabriel
Rick Santorum — I Believe by The Buzzcocks
Newt Gingrich — I Wanna Destroy You by Robyn Hitchcock & The Soft Boys
Rick Perry — Big Hat, No Cattle by Randy Newman
.
Svensker
Also, too, Tom, sorry about the surgery. Big suck. Watching the body collapse around one should be sobering, but it drives me to drink…
4tehlulz
For some reason, Mittens reminds me of this song.
Catsy
Wishing you a quick recovery. I had surgery on my right elbow for an RSI late last year, and I wouldn’t wish the recuperation period on anyone.
Valdivia
@Cassidy: be careful with your back. mine went out using them
I see @svensker got there first!
Feel better soon Tom!
Southern Beale
I do not want to know what gum surgery is but it sounds painful.
Dental floss, people. It’s your friend.
Rick Massimo
The song is great: Something that COULD be joyous and warm and uplifting – it is when other people do it – turned into something creepy and awful.
The only thing better might be 15 minutes of someone tuning a distorted guitar: It should be done quickly and easily, but it’s taking forever because you don’t know what you’re doing, you don’t know what you sound like and you’re presumptuous enough that you think everyone’s going to sit there and listen while yo uget your act together. And some of them will, but they’ll resent you taking them for granted that way.
PPOG Penguin
Newt offers up one of the most bizarre metaphors I have ever heard: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jan/06/new-hampshire-santorum-romney-live#block-12
It must mean something because he’s a historian and that’s how people develop cookbooks! Frozen eggs, you leftie academics! Frozen eggs!
Southern Beale
@PPOG Penguin:
As an amateur kitchen pyrotechnician, let me say: you cannot freeze eggs.
Okay I didn’t hit the link. I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. Let’s hope he was talking about chicken eggs.
Uncle Ebeneezer
Romney: Nothingman- Pearl Jam
Santorum: Keep It Greasy- Frank Zappa
Perry: I Don’t Know- Ozzy Osbourne
Paul: Golden Years- David Bowie
Southern Beale
On second thought, I think I’d prefer to hear from Tom AFTER the gum surgery.
Cassidy
@JPL: @Svensker: @Valdivia: I’ve used them before; I’ve just always had a gym to go to. Now I find myself doing PT late at night and thinking about buying KB to add into my rotation. Just wondering about comfort, durability, etc.
Basically I’m alternating circuits and intervals and was thinking of making it a 3 day rotation (adding in a KB circuit) for strength/conditioning. I hate lifting free weights, anyway.
JGabriel
Mitt Romney — Behind Blue Eyes by The Who
No one knows what it’s like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it’s like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams
They aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be
Anyone complaining that Mitt’s eyes ain’t blue, please re-read the line about “telling only lies.” Remember, we’re discussing a guy who lies about his own first name.
.
JGabriel
Jon Huntsman — Ice Cream For Crow by Capt. Beefheart
It’s so hot
looks like you have three beaks crow
the moon’s so full
white hat on a pumpkin
you know there’s something
the moon was a stone’s throw
stop the show
I need to say hello
to the crow
light the fire piano
the moon showed up
and it started to show
tonight there’d be ice cream
ice cream for crow
Just for the “What The Fuck?” quality that Huntsman’s campaign seems to mimic.
.
Roger Moore
@Southern Beale:
Sure you can freeze eggs, it’s just not a good idea if you want them to stay whole. Of course, Newt is an idea guy, not a fact guy, so that doesn’t really matter.
JGabriel
@Southern Beale:
The kind of friend that gets stuck between your teeth, breaks, and slices you bloody.
.
realbtl
As a certified old fart I’m torn between Money (That’s what I want) and (Money) can’t buy me love. Both perfect for the Rombot.
JBerardi
Newt Gingrich deserves Bad Penny by Big Black
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSivVYwKwZc
Roger Moore
@realbtl:
How about Money? Or is that more of a Donald Trump song?
waratah
@JGabriel: Perfect song for Rick Perry.
Bill Murray
Ron Paul — Squidbillies Confederate Song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhrXCt-B0JI
Mitt Romney — Gold Star for Robot Boy by Guided by Voices https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FxS9nOuGA4
Rick Santorum — Christian Militia by New Model Army https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqKhziBd7aE
The right-wing respectable clampdown clan
Find their figure head in a holy man
Here come the Christians an hysterical mob
Worshipping the Devil in the name of God
Worshipping the Devil in the name of God
JGabriel
Ron Paul — Ayn Rand Is My Mistress by HealeyIsland
Kind of obvious, really.
.
Satanicpanic
Gingrich- It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To
Steeplejack
@Cassidy:
Just bought this really good one (35 pounds) last month. Started doing that at home and swimming a few times a week, and together they are kicking my ass (in a good way).
WereBear (itouch)
Mitt would be “I’m going to make you love me” except he has no soul.
JBerardi
@Bill Murray:
SQUIDBILLIES FUCK YEA. Kind of sad you have to give that song to just one candidate, really…
JGabriel
@waratah:
I think so, but I should have quoted some lyrics, for those who don’t know the song. Which I shall now proceed to do:
Rick Perry — Big Hat, No Cattle by Randy Newman
Since I was a child
I’ve tried to be what I’m not
I’ve lied and I’ve enjoyed it all my life
I lied to my dear mother
to my sisters and my brother
and now I’m lying to my children and my wife
Big Hat, no cattle
Big head, no brain
.
Steeplejack
@JGabriel:
That’s why I use dental tape. Much better, especially for tightly spaced teeth.
MikeJ
Rick Perry: Aimee Mann’s You’re With Stupid Now
I don’t know how to break the news, but
It’s pretty clear you’ll be asked to choose between
What you lack and what you excuse in this
Tug of war
You can’t say that they didn’t warn you
Though you’d rather that they just ignore you
‘Cause your devices are not working for you
Anymore
What you want
You don’t know
You’re with stupid now
You don’t know how to manufacture
Sturdy bones with a hairline fracture
The crazy will of a Margaret Thatcher that
They’ve all got
And though you pay for the hands they’re shaking
The speeches and the mistakes they’re making
As they struggle with the undertaking of
Simple thought
What you want
You don’t know
You’re with stupid now
srv
Ron Paul!
Citizen_X
@Bill Murray:
Awesome. I see someone else has seen the laser light show at Stone Mountain, GA. (Seriously–the Squidbillies version ain’t that much of an exaggeration.)
Felinious Wench
For the entire Republican field
99 Problems (But a Bitch Ain’t One) Jay-Z
waratah
@JGabriel: I also like the John Huntsman song and why you chose it.
JBerardi
When the 2012 ticket is Santorum/Paul, they can use Stuart by The Dead Milkmen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Xuvcpjf1JU
Stephen1947
You’ve got the artist’s name slightly wrong – it’s Colman, not Coleman.
Anoniminous
@4tehlulz:
Cool. Hadn’t thought about The Tubes in decades.
Thanks
JBerardi
@Citizen_X:
Fun/Awesome fact: the voice of Granny Squidbilly is Dana Snyder’s Dian Rhem impression.
Amir Khalid
I know he’s not running for president, but this has to be John Böhner’s song: 9,999,999 Tears.
kwAwk
Mitt – Life’s Been Good by Joe Walsh
Rick – Beers, Steers and Queers by Revolting Cocks
Newt – I’ve Been Everywhere by Johnny Cash
Huntsman – I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry by Hank Williams
Santorum – Bodies by The SEX Pistols
scarshapedstar
Hootie and the Blowfish – Only wanna be with you
robertdsc-iPhone 4
For Romney: Secret Loser by Ozzy Osbourne.
Samara Morgan
umm…conservatives can only use C&W in their campaigns.
Survivor already rejected Palin on Eye in 2008.
Along with Heart, Bon Jovi, Foo Fighters, and Van Halen.
But if 3OH3 would allow it……
Don’t Trust Me (Never Trust a Whore) would be purrrfect for Mitt
eyelessgame
Romney – “The Big Money”, Rush
Gingrich – “Big Shot”, Billy Joel
Huntsman – “Nowhere Man”, The Beatles
Santorum – “YMCA”, The Village People
Moonbatting Average
@kwAwk: Spot-fucking-on, Perry and Huntsman especially.
eyelessgame
Oh, and for Paul, “Miami 2017”, Billy Joel.
Wil
For Mittens:
The Ballad of the Naked Man (by the Butthole Surfers)
“Get the fuck away from me, you goddamn naked man.”
Mnemosyne
@Southern Beale:
Yep. Me, of the three root canals and five crowns, am now my dentist’s star patient with no cavities in two years thanks to flossing. Apparently it’s even more important than brushing.
Glide Comfort Plus Floss is teh awesome.
The prophet Nostradumbass
Ron Paul (or some of his supporters): The Tubes – “White Punks on Dope”
RossInDetroit
@JGabriel:
I just love that song in a completely irrational way. The first time I heard it I was gobsmacked with delight.
RossInDetroit
This seems sort of appropriate for the inevitability of Mittens.
Wagner – RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES
I found a nice Furtwangler recording for you.
Omnes Omnibus
For the rest of us: “That’s when I reach for my revolver.”
cg
Obama
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pN_vrJah3k
Best hope for a better world.
Jack Knife Bomber
Mittens: “Ya Got Trouble”-Robert Preston in “The Music Man”
Paul: “God Save The Queen”-The Sex Pistols
Santorum: “Vaseline”-Stone Temple Pilots
Perry: “Margaritaville”- Jimmy Buffet
Gingrich: “The End”- The Doors
goddinpotty
These were too easy:
Romney.
Paul.
Santorum (NSFW).
Draylon Hogg
Mitt Romney – Lloyd, I’m Ready to be Heartbroken by Camera Obscura
Ron Paul – Gold by Spandau Ballet
Rick Santorum – I Wanna Be Your Dog by the Stooges
Rick Perry – Hairdresser On Fire by Morrissey
Newt Gingrich – Seek and Destroy by Metallica
Michelle Bachman / Callista Gingrich – The Girl With the Loneliest Eyes by House of Love
John Huntsman – The Invisible Man by Queen
Draylon Hogg
Barack Hussain Seoroto Obama – Life On Mars? Bowie
MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson
Rick Perry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVueJtckbtg&feature=related
Ron Paul
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MagCoUYvIXE
Jon Huntsman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cUExrTRSRw
MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson
Romney
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awi14wDTxNw
Santorum
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRfvSOuwM_4
Newt Gingrich
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDl0qPfkSRw
Ian
Grr! Say socialist! Overload the hated FYWP orverlord with moderated civil disobedience!