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Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

You are here: Home / Music / Things You Think About

Things You Think About <7 Hours Out From Gum Surgery*

by | 76 Comments

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Like, what would actually be the theme song that captures  the geist of the Romney campaign.

He’s tried stuff like “Eye of the Tiger” — which is exactly the kind of cliché you’d expect a never-hip cyborg to seize upon.  It instantly dates/ages anyone whose neural circuits flare even momentarily, and it has all the motivational draw of a stack of green stamps.

No…especially after the descriptions of the Mittens/McCain event crater described here, I think that pain and a swollen gum have led me to the perfect Romney signature tune.  What could be better than this:

<div align=”center”><iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”http://www.youtube.com/embed/r8oFlXnnwKI” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe></div>

After all:  no one could deny that the tune delivers precisely the kind of uplifting message any candidate would want to deliver, right?  This version, though, is perfectly adapted for use in the RomneyVerse.   As performed (by soshalist Swedes!), it precisely evokes the feeling induced by any amount of time spent  too close to the RomneyBot:  the nearly uncontrollable urge to gnaw one’s own arm off at the shoulder if that’s what it takes to escape the room.

So here’s the challenge for the commentariat:  give us your choice tracks (for all the candidates).  And/or consider this an open thread.

*Aging Deteriorating, though better than the alternative, sucks rocks.

Image:  Samuel Coleman, The Edge of Doom, between 1836 and 1838.

Reader Interactions

76Comments

  4. 4.

    Moonbatting Average

    Romney: “Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto” – Styx
    Paul: “Paranoid” – Black Sabbath
    Santorum: “Stinkfist” – Tool
    Gingrich: “Welcome to Planet Motherfucker” – White Zombie
    Perry: Yakety Sax, or “I Want Your Sex” – George Michael
    Huntsman: “One” – Metallica, or “Never There” -Cake

  5. 5.

    JPL

    @Cassidy: Well Yes I do.. It’s the wrong question though. The question should be does anyone exercise with kettle bells. My son’s s.o. takes classes and enjoys them.

  8. 8.

    DanielX

    Good luck, Tom…I foresee a visit to an endodontist, antibiotics and oral narcotics in your future. Oh yes, and lots of money being reallocated from you to your friendly dental provider.

  9. 9.

    Calouste

    @Moonbatting Average:

    If we’re talking about Cake songs to describe Huntsman, I think “Going the Distance” is appropriate as well, specially that bit where he’s still going around the race track while all the spectators have gone home.

  10. 10.

    Warren Terra

    RE the McCain/Romney event, I posted a link to this late last night, but I’ll repeat: there is a terrific write-up of the Iowa Caucus night experience by Paul Constant in Dan Savage’s Seattle alt-weekly The Stranger; the sections on McCain are especially good

    Seemingly everyone has their problems with Romney, but loathing Mitt Romney has become a rite of passage for Republican presidential campaigners. Sure, politicians always get petty and mean when they battle it out for months at a time on live television, but the hatred that other candidates feel for Mitt Romney is palpably different from that more pedestrian brand of annoyance. It comes from somewhere deep inside the being of the candidates, and it’s the kind of instantaneous, inexplicable hate that you see sometimes when two dogs meet and immediately start snarling and snapping at each others’ faces.
    __
    You could see it in Huckabee in 2008; political observers suggested that Huckabee stayed in the race for as long as he did just to make sure that Romney was humiliated. John McCain, too, detests Romney, though he’s putting that aside and endorsing Romney for the sake of his legacy. (That shouldn’t be a surprise: John McCain is a man whose entire legacy now consists of John McCain making terrible decisions in the name of John McCain’s legacy.)

  11. 11.

    Josie

    What do you know about aging, you young whippersnapper? Hope all goes ok with your surgery.

    Edit: Ah, I see you crossed it out.

  12. 12.

    joes527

    Can someone explain what Mittens is doing hanging out with Walnuts in the first place?

    I mean, besides providing the comedy gold, what possible benefit can he derive from being seen with the guy who lost to Obama last time?

  14. 14.

    Hill Dweller

    @joes527: Willard is also enlisting Pawlenty and Christie for the cause in NH. They should do a Laurel and Hardy-like routine, where Pawlenty puts the crowd to sleep and Christie smacks him for it.

  15. 15.

    Svensker

    @Cassidy:

    Be careful! You can really hurt yourself if you don’t pay attention and follow the instructions.

    A friend of ours was a big proponent of them until he ripped his back out. Then he gave them to us. (We donated them to the Sally Ann.)

  17. 17.

    Mnemosyne

    FWIW, I had three root canals in fairly close succession and it wasn’t as bad as advertised. I was sore for a day or two afterwards, but nothing ibuprofen didn’t take care of. No pain at all during the actual procedure, but that was because the endodontist gave me so much novocaine that I was numb all the way up to my eyebrow.

    Also, too, I’ve been enjoying the new Foo Fighters record. Apparently Dave Grohl and I (who are the same age) have come to the same conclusion: we are not going to go out in a flame of glory, but will slowly run down for the next 30 or 40 years. And that pretty much sucks.

  19. 19.

    Svensker

    Also, too, Tom, sorry about the surgery. Big suck. Watching the body collapse around one should be sobering, but it drives me to drink…

  21. 21.

    Catsy

    Wishing you a quick recovery. I had surgery on my right elbow for an RSI late last year, and I wouldn’t wish the recuperation period on anyone.

  24. 24.

    Rick Massimo

    The song is great: Something that COULD be joyous and warm and uplifting – it is when other people do it – turned into something creepy and awful.

    The only thing better might be 15 minutes of someone tuning a distorted guitar: It should be done quickly and easily, but it’s taking forever because you don’t know what you’re doing, you don’t know what you sound like and you’re presumptuous enough that you think everyone’s going to sit there and listen while yo uget your act together. And some of them will, but they’ll resent you taking them for granted that way.

  26. 26.

    Southern Beale

    @PPOG Penguin:

    As an amateur kitchen pyrotechnician, let me say: you cannot freeze eggs.

    Okay I didn’t hit the link. I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. Let’s hope he was talking about chicken eggs.

  29. 29.

    Cassidy

    @JPL: @Svensker: @Valdivia: I’ve used them before; I’ve just always had a gym to go to. Now I find myself doing PT late at night and thinking about buying KB to add into my rotation. Just wondering about comfort, durability, etc.

    Basically I’m alternating circuits and intervals and was thinking of making it a 3 day rotation (adding in a KB circuit) for strength/conditioning. I hate lifting free weights, anyway.

  30. 30.

    JGabriel

    Mitt Romney — Behind Blue Eyes by The Who

    No one knows what it’s like
    To be the bad man
    To be the sad man
    Behind blue eyes

    No one knows what it’s like
    To be hated
    To be fated
    To telling only lies

    But my dreams
    They aren’t as empty
    As my conscience seems to be

    Anyone complaining that Mitt’s eyes ain’t blue, please re-read the line about “telling only lies.” Remember, we’re discussing a guy who lies about his own first name.

    .

  31. 31.

    JGabriel

    Jon Huntsman — Ice Cream For Crow by Capt. Beefheart

    It’s so hot
    looks like you have three beaks crow
    the moon’s so full
    white hat on a pumpkin
    you know there’s something
    the moon was a stone’s throw
    stop the show
    I need to say hello
    to the crow
    light the fire piano
    the moon showed up
    and it started to show
    tonight there’d be ice cream
    ice cream for crow

    Just for the “What The Fuck?” quality that Huntsman’s campaign seems to mimic.

    .

  34. 34.

    realbtl

    As a certified old fart I’m torn between Money (That’s what I want) and (Money) can’t buy me love. Both perfect for the Rombot.

  35. 35.

    JBerardi

    Newt Gingrich deserves Bad Penny by Big Black

    Ought to know what I liar I am
    Ought to know me by now
    Don’t curse me for my nature
    Don’t blast me for my wrongs
    Just a bad penny
    I always come back to you
    Just a bad penny
    •
    Just a bad penny
    I always come back to you
    Should have known you
    couldn’t trust me
    As far as you could throw me
    You couldn’t throw me to far
    Just a bad penny
    Couldn’t throw me to far
    •
    I think I fucked your
    girlfriend once.
    Maybe twice, I don’t remember
    Then I fucked all your
    friends’ girlfriends
    Now they hate you

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSivVYwKwZc

  38. 38.

    Bill Murray

    Ron Paul — Squidbillies Confederate Song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhrXCt-B0JI

    Mitt Romney — Gold Star for Robot Boy by Guided by Voices https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FxS9nOuGA4

    Rick Santorum — Christian Militia by New Model Army https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqKhziBd7aE

    The right-wing respectable clampdown clan
    Find their figure head in a holy man
    Here come the Christians an hysterical mob
    Worshipping the Devil in the name of God
    Worshipping the Devil in the name of God

  44. 44.

    JGabriel

    @waratah:

    JGabriel: Perfect song for Rick Perry.

    I think so, but I should have quoted some lyrics, for those who don’t know the song. Which I shall now proceed to do:

    Rick Perry — Big Hat, No Cattle by Randy Newman

    Since I was a child
    I’ve tried to be what I’m not
    I’ve lied and I’ve enjoyed it all my life
    I lied to my dear mother
    to my sisters and my brother
    and now I’m lying to my children and my wife
    Big Hat, no cattle
    Big head, no brain

    .

  46. 46.

    MikeJ

    Rick Perry: Aimee Mann’s You’re With Stupid Now

    I don’t know how to break the news, but
    It’s pretty clear you’ll be asked to choose between
    What you lack and what you excuse in this
    Tug of war
    You can’t say that they didn’t warn you
    Though you’d rather that they just ignore you
    ‘Cause your devices are not working for you
    Anymore
    What you want
    You don’t know
    You’re with stupid now
    You don’t know how to manufacture
    Sturdy bones with a hairline fracture
    The crazy will of a Margaret Thatcher that
    They’ve all got
    And though you pay for the hands they’re shaking
    The speeches and the mistakes they’re making
    As they struggle with the undertaking of
    Simple thought
    What you want
    You don’t know
    You’re with stupid now

  48. 48.

    Citizen_X

    @Bill Murray:

    Ron Paul—Squidbillies Confederate Song

    Awesome. I see someone else has seen the laser light show at Stone Mountain, GA. (Seriously–the Squidbillies version ain’t that much of an exaggeration.)

  51. 51.

    JBerardi

    When the 2012 ticket is Santorum/Paul, they can use Stuart by The Dead Milkmen:

    Now Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large U.S. city with a big underground homosexual population – Des Moines, Iowa, perfect example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can’t build on it, you can’t grow anything in it. The government says it’s due to poor farming. But I know what’s really going on, Stuart. I know it’s the queers. They’re in it with the aliens. They’re building landing strips for gay Martians. I swear to God!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Xuvcpjf1JU

  56. 56.

    kwAwk

    Mitt – Life’s Been Good by Joe Walsh
    Rick – Beers, Steers and Queers by Revolting Cocks
    Newt – I’ve Been Everywhere by Johnny Cash
    Huntsman – I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry by Hank Williams
    Santorum – Bodies by The SEX Pistols

  59. 59.

    Samara Morgan

    umm…conservatives can only use C&W in their campaigns.
    Survivor already rejected Palin on Eye in 2008.
    Along with Heart, Bon Jovi, Foo Fighters, and Van Halen.

    But if 3OH3 would allow it……
    Don’t Trust Me (Never Trust a Whore) would be purrrfect for Mitt

  60. 60.

    eyelessgame

    Romney – “The Big Money”, Rush
    Gingrich – “Big Shot”, Billy Joel
    Huntsman – “Nowhere Man”, The Beatles
    Santorum – “YMCA”, The Village People

  63. 63.

    Wil

    For Mittens:

    The Ballad of the Naked Man (by the Butthole Surfers)

    “Get the fuck away from me, you goddamn naked man.”

  64. 64.

    Mnemosyne

    @Southern Beale:

    Dental floss, people. It’s your friend.

    Yep. Me, of the three root canals and five crowns, am now my dentist’s star patient with no cavities in two years thanks to flossing. Apparently it’s even more important than brushing.

    Glide Comfort Plus Floss is teh awesome.

  65. 65.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    Ron Paul (or some of his supporters): The Tubes – “White Punks on Dope”

  66. 66.

    RossInDetroit

    @JGabriel:

    Jon Huntsman — Ice Cream For Crow by Capt. Beefheart

    I just love that song in a completely irrational way. The first time I heard it I was gobsmacked with delight.

  70. 70.

    Jack Knife Bomber

    Mittens: “Ya Got Trouble”-Robert Preston in “The Music Man”
    Paul: “God Save The Queen”-The Sex Pistols
    Santorum: “Vaseline”-Stone Temple Pilots
    Perry: “Margaritaville”- Jimmy Buffet
    Gingrich: “The End”- The Doors

  72. 72.

    Draylon Hogg

    Mitt Romney – Lloyd, I’m Ready to be Heartbroken by Camera Obscura

    Ron Paul – Gold by Spandau Ballet

    Rick Santorum – I Wanna Be Your Dog by the Stooges

    Rick Perry – Hairdresser On Fire by Morrissey

    Newt Gingrich – Seek and Destroy by Metallica

    Michelle Bachman / Callista Gingrich – The Girl With the Loneliest Eyes by House of Love

    John Huntsman – The Invisible Man by Queen

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