Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Infrastructure week. at last.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

We still have time to mess this up!

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

The revolution will be supervised.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

People are complicated. Love is not.

Being the leader of the world means to be the leader of peace.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

In my day, never was longer.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

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Reader Interactions

181Comments

  5. 5.

    Corner Stone

    Everything! Including how to not burn pots of food. Maybe a timeout would’ve helped you? Hmmmm??

  7. 7.

    Legalize

    Tebow’s first pass: a 37 footer in the dirt, and well outside of the intended receiver.

    Phil Simms: Pretty good throwaway by Tim Tebow.

  8. 8.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    Plucky Tim Three And Out versus the Pittsburgh Thugocracy?

    I wonder whether the Broncos will score as many as 9 points.

  10. 10.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Now is the time for all good secularists to root for Pittsburgh.

    Kickers do the Jeebus fingers after a fucking punt now?

  14. 14.

    different-church-lady

    Dear CBS graphics idiots:

    I KNOW THE FUCKING BALL IS ON THE 30. I DON’T NEED A GRAPHIC ON THE FIELD TELLING ME WHERE THE BALL IS! I CAN FREAKIN’ SEE THE BALL AND THE BIG NUMBER PAINTED ON THE FIELD THAT SAYS 30.

    Jesus, just let me see the FUCKING FIELD without all your god-damn hyperactive paint box bullshit!

  15. 15.

    The Dangerman

    Outside of a turnover, I think Denver may get skunked; game may already be over. Shit, might as well drink and pass out.

  18. 18.

    geg6

    I hope good Christian Troy Polamalu absolutely flattens Jesus. I fucking HATE Jesus.

    Oh, and I love my Steelers.

  24. 24.

    The Dangerman

    I wonder if one could get a prop bet in Vegas with total TD’s in Denver/Pittsburgh and LSU/Bama = Zero…

    …and I’m fucking out of beer (the games yesterday must have SUCKED).

  26. 26.

    Persia

    @Legalize: That was pretty special.

    If only Big Ben could just, you know, sit on the sidelines or something. As it is I just have to hope both quarterbacks choke.

  27. 27.

    geg6

    Apparently, Jesus’ team is infallible and cannot ever commit pass interference, no matter how many times they do.

  28. 28.

    LT

    The Steelers, the team representing Satan today, has 6 points. 6.

    I think you see where I’m going with this…

  34. 34.

    The Dangerman

    Amongst many deep thoughts…

    …each Coach that lost to Tebow should be fired before the sun sets (starting with Ryan). I think the Steelers had 11 in the box there.

  37. 37.

    BD of MN

    so, what’s the over/under on the number of weeks Rob Schneider’s alleged sitcom lasts before cancellation? For Tebow’s sake that looks terrible….

  42. 42.

    eastriver

    This game is a huge battle of Who Gives A Fuck?

    Jeebus vs Goobers.

    I might unhinge my jaw from yawning.

  44. 44.

    edmund dantes

    Harrison is dirty. He’s going for the knee with his shoulder. A proper tackle would have your arms out to wrap up the guy.

    Dirty dirty player.

  50. 50.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    A B.. B… Broncos touchdown? I may have to reconsider my position on this god thing.

  51. 51.

    The Dangerman

    Seems to me like only 1 foot down prior to butt hitting OB.

    Edit: I guess I’m FOS as they confirmed it. Still, didn’t see the 2nd foot.

  55. 55.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    Do we need to stage an intervention for Cole? I am concerned that he may have choked on his liberal latte.

  59. 59.

    Polar Bear Squares

    Sorry John but eff tha Steelers, that serial rapist QB and that stupid urine-stained towel.

  60. 60.

    JPL

    @LT: I hate you..there are sixes all over…In fact look at tebow’s number 15..and a one and a five and what do you have…
    wallace who just caught this great pass..is seventeen..one minus seven…and ugh..
    It’s satan’s game

  62. 62.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    @LT:

    I can hear Cole’s stomach churning from across the world.

    I think that’s Tunch purring, from where he has Cole pinned down under one colossal white paw.

  66. 66.

    Joel

    Simms and Nance are horrible today.

    First, they missed the purpose of the Tomlin challenge. Decker clearly didn’t have control of the ball, and the challenge was obvious.

    Second, Nance talks about how this 3rd down play by the Steelers was whistled dead, but there was no whistle, nor was there a flag.

    Lastly, Phil Simms forgot to announce that he’s actually Tim Tebow’s mom.

  69. 69.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    @Shawn in ShowMe:

    And ExtremelyDisconcertedRainbowPerson said unto him:

    “Show me the scoreline in the fourth frickin’ quarter, O Lord, and then let’s talk about it.”

  77. 77.

    different-church-lady

    @burnspbesq:

    I don’t think you are sufficiently fired up for this game.

    WHAT FUCKING GAME? ALL I CAN SEE IS A BUNCH OF GRAPHICS!

  83. 83.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    After further review…

    Holy Fuck.

    Is anyone else wondering why the Denver QB has suspiciously long hair and a white robe and sandals?

  84. 84.

    Joe Bauers

    Cole, I hold you personally responsible if your boys can’t put down this pious, godbothering douchebag.

  88. 88.

    The Dangerman

    8 yards in the 1st quarter to a relatively capable looking offense; shocked (and have thus delayed my beer run).

  89. 89.

    Corner Stone

    @different-church-lady:

    Wait, wasn’t Tebow supposed to have a lousy arm?

    He has a strong arm, but inconsistent motion and lousy accuracy.
    To be honest, he’s thrown the 3 best passes I’ve seen him throw all season.
    That 51 yarder down the side line was a bread box throw.

  93. 93.

    BO_Bill

    A Belief in one of the Traditional religions of the West, instead of in Paul Krugman, is the reason that Tim Tebow is beating the Pittsburg Steelers.

  102. 102.

    Joel

    Is it just me, or is Roethlisberger conveniently limping after throwing that horrid interception?

    Terrible call on James Harrison, for the record. One step then hit?

    I never imagined in my life that I would defend Harrison for anything, so there’s a first time for everything.

  105. 105.

    CaseyL

    I just tuned in, and I think the neighbors heard me shriek “14 – 6 Denver??.”

    The lesson I take from this is that God prefers a Jeebus fanboi to a rapist.

  107. 107.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    It seems that the Broncos have discovered Pittsburgh’s Achilles ankle….

  108. 108.

    The Dangerman

    @Yutsano:

    This is why the FSM invented halftime.

    And on the 8th day…

    Edit: I’ve lost the cool editing toolbar; is this a Chrome issue or did it just take the day off?

  112. 112.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    @Joel:

    Is it just me, or is Roethlisberger conveniently limping after throwing that horrid interception?

    I’m lucky* enough to be unable to pick up the local CBS affiliate’s signal here, so I was informed by the national radio broadcast, just before the pick, that one of the Stiller O-linemen rolled up on his QB’s bad ankle on the preceding play.

    *ETA: Phil Simms shouldn’t be calling P.S. 136’s intramural flag football games, let alone NFL games.

  115. 115.

    CaseyL

    “That ankle does not have the ability to move and make the plays…”

    I love sportspeak.

  118. 118.

    burnspbesq

    One hopes that West Virginia’s unexpected win over Georgetown yesterday was enough to placate the Tunch-God. If the Steelers lose, I think I want to be in a parallel universe, stat. His wrath will be swift and terrible.

  119. 119.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    I bet Brady and Belichick are watching this and screaming “Fuck, yeah!” at the TV.

  121. 121.

    Bubba Dave

    I hate Ben as much as the next non-rapist does, but if I’d had to guess the quarterback who would be under 50% completion percentage with no scores and one pick, it would not have been him.

    Mostly, I’m rooting for Ben to spontaneously combust and then fall off a mountain, and Charlie Batch come in and win the game.

  123. 123.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    Look, whoever it is who has stolen my reality and replaced it with Tebowverse, would you mind letting me have my own miserable life back?

    KTHXBAI

  124. 124.

    passerby

    6 – 17 Broncos.

    What!

    Is Denver’s D that good? and don’t the Stillers have any RBs that can churn something out?

    Ben’s been intercepted twice (ok one didn’t count but still.)

  126. 126.

    burnspbesq

    Finally getting to listen to Miguel Zenon’s latest record, Alma Adentro, while cleaning up the home office. This is the real stuff, ladies and gentlemen. I understand why it was on so many critics’ best-of-2011 lists.

  132. 132.

    AnotherBruce

    Yes, time for Charlie Batch, Roethlisberger looks listless and confused. As does the Steeler’s defense.

  136. 136.

    4jkb4ia

    A song of ascents. From the depths I called You, Hashem. My Lord, hear my voice, may Your ears be attentive to the sound of my pleas. If you preserve iniquities, O God, my Lord, who could survive? For with You is forgiveness, that You may be feared. I put confidence in Hashem, my soul put confidence, and I hoped for His word. I yearn for my Lord, among those longing for the dawn, those longing for the dawn. Let Israel hope for Hashem, for with Hashem is kindness, and with Him is abundant redemption. And he will redeem Israel from all its iniquities.

    (The go-to psalm was 20, but “Now I know that Hashem has saved His anointed one” wasn’t going to do here…)

  137. 137.

    FridayNext

    No real dog in this hunt, but as both a Ravens fan and a Florida alum, I am giggling like a school girl.

  138. 138.

    FridayNext

    No real dog in this hunt, but as both a Ravens fan and a Florida alum, I am giggling like a school girl.

  142. 142.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    Do we have any evidence that Cole isn’t lying behind the couch in a stupor, babbling in tongues and praying for an earthquake to hit the stadium?

  146. 146.

    passerby

    @Bubba Dave:

    Charlie Batch come in and win the game.

    Man, the way BenR’s been hobbling/lumbering around with that ankle, going with Batch after the half might be the way to go.

    At 20-6 could it be any worse?

    ETA: [Worried about Cole.]

  149. 149.

    CaseyL

    Interesting hurry-up drive here. Be cool if they go into halftime after a dramatic last minute score.

  152. 152.

    CaseyL

    Or, y’know, not…

    ETA: OK, definitely no last minute score. I do believe The Lord hath spoken, and He hath said, Lose the Rapist or the kid wins it.

  153. 153.

    4jkb4ia

    Hashem, do not rebuke me in Your anger, nor chastise me in Your rage. Favor me, Hashem, for I am feeble; heal me, Hashem, for my bones shudder. My soul is utterly confounded; and You, Hashem, how long? Desist, Hashem, release my soul; save me as befits Your kindness. For there is no mention of You in death; in the Lower World who will thank You? I am wearied with my sigh, every night I drench my bed, with my tears I soak my couch. My eye is dimmed because of anger, aged by my tormentors. Depart from me, all evildoers, for Hashem has heard the sound of my weeping. Hashem has heard my plea, Hashem will accept my prayer. Let all my foes be shamed and instantly confounded, they will regret and be instantly shamed.

  155. 155.

    MildlyAmusedRainbowPerson

    Interesting strategic approach by the Steelers there… chasing the pigskin back towards their own end zone.

  157. 157.

    PTirebiter

    I see bad things arising
    a crowd crowning king the commisioner would ban
    I see death and destruction
    Stillers elimination because of one man, because because because of one man

  158. 158.

    PTirebiter

    I see bad things arising
    a crowd crowning king the commisioner would ban
    I see death and destruction
    Stillers elimination because of one man, because because because of one man

  160. 160.

    passerby

    @J.W. Hamner:

    But…but…Ben might as well be playing with a cane for as mobility impaired as he is.

    What are the odds they stay with BenR given inability to do anything?

    Batch sucks that bad?

    And, where the Sam Hill is the D?

    ETA: Maybe it’s the altitude.

  163. 163.

    different-church-lady

    For the open of the second half Ben should just hand the ball to a Bronco in the end zone. Be much more efficient that way.

  169. 169.

    Shawn in ShowMe

    @PTirebiter:

    Always hoped that we’d be Tebow’s Broncos
    Knew that we would make it if we tried
    Then when we retire fans can write the gospels
    So they’ll still talk about us when we’ve died

  179. 179.

    J.W. Hamner

    Should be on the half inch line.

    Hate to say it, but I agree with Phil Simms… why so little shotgun from the Steelers? Seems like that would mitigate the mobility issues a bit.

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