Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Consistently wrong since 2002

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

An almost top 10,000 blog!

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

The GOP couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Everybody saw this coming.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

“Squeaker” McCarthy

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

He really is that stupid.

The GOP is a fucking disgrace.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

You are here: Home / Politics / Crazification Factor / Rampaging Honey Badger Mars Sparsely Attended Pro-Walker Rally

Rampaging Honey Badger Mars Sparsely Attended Pro-Walker Rally

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WAUWATOSA, WI (January 21, 2012) – A giant, mutant honey badger disrupted a rally organized to show support for embattled Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, charging into the small gathering and slightly injuring at least one attendee. The unusually large carnivore, estimated to weigh 15 tons, struck without warning, terrorizing the fives of Wisconsinites who had showed up to counter the Walker recall effort.

“Christ, it was a big fecker,” said one shaken witness, who commented under the condition of anonymity. “And yet it moved so quickly! I’m pretty sure it was sent by ACORN and SEIU thugs.”

Rally attendees regrouped in a booth at a nearby Denny’s. Many echoed the suspicion that Walker’s political opponents were behind the attack.

However, when reached for comment, University of Wisconsin zoology professor Welden Tinkelboom speculated that the badger mistook one rally attendee’s faux fur coat for a honey badger pelt and nipped the woman in retaliation for a slain relative.

“Contrary to popular belief, honey badgers DO give a shit,” said Tinkelboom.

[Please consider this an open thread.]

Reader Interactions

122Comments

  1. 1.

    geg6

    Oh that we could have a whole army of giant mutant honey badgers. I’d send a few down to SC and Florida for the GOP primaries. Then we’d see how fast a fucking Hoverround can read go.

  2. 2.

    Egg Berry

    I wonder how much the Koch Brothers pay to fill up the comments on that article with pro-Walker b.s.?

  3. 3.

    Delia

    Walker should be grateful. At least there’s someone to defend Wisconsin once Godzilla gets into the Great Lakes. I was worried they’d be helpless after that right wing goon had decimated the police and fire unions.

  4. 4.

    JGabriel

    That’s not a honey badger, that IS Walker. The fact that he attacked his own supporters is just another instance of Republicans getting what they voted for.

    .

  10. 10.

    debit

    I think someone should email Mrs. Cole and let her know the edit button is broken again. Otherwise it’ll be six months again before it’s fixed.

  11. 11.

    Michael

    CNN has a “breaking news” splash that says exit polls show #1 issue in GOP primary was “ability to beat Barack Obama”. If Newt handily beats Romney on that issue, that’s a huge LOL.

  12. 12.

    JGabriel

    @Cat Lady: Whenever there’s a Wisconsin article, I get ads for hardware stores.

    I have no idea what that’s about, but I’m Wisconsinites do.

    .

  13. 13.

    pat

    OT, but can anyone explain why along about this time of day, the formatting on B-J goes to hell and the print runs across the whole page into the side bars?

    This happens frequently, and sometimes it will shape up if I refresh or click on another thread, but most of the time it does not.

    I’m using Internet Explorer and Windows Vista.
    Thanks.

  15. 15.

    pat

    Hey, it’s back. And the edit function is still missing.

    Oh, crap, I just got to read about the honey badger, and here I was hoping it was the REAL THING.

  18. 18.

    JGabriel

    @pat:

    OT, but can anyone explain why along about this time of day, the formatting on B-J goes to hell … I’m using Internet Explorer and Windows Vista.

    If possible, switch to Chrome, Firefox, or Opera for your Internet browser.

    If it’s happening at the same time every day, the problem is possibly caused by an application that is scheduled to run in the background at the same time every day. You might be able to figure it out by looking at Scheduled Tasks in the Control Panel.

    .

  19. 19.

    wrb

    @Michael:

    exit polls show #1 issue in GOP primary was “ability to beat Barack Obama”. If Newt handily beats Romney on that issue, that’s a huge LOL.

    Was just thinking about that.

    It probably is what they think.

    He’s meaner, he made at the debates, and even non-racist GOPers admire his mad dog whistling skills.

    He’s got more of what they think it takes.

  20. 20.

    Egg Berry

    @wrb: Just further confirmation that the GOP is inhabited by mean idiots who live in an alternate universe

  22. 22.

    John O

    @wrb:

    I think he has more of what it will actually take. He (Newt) scares me to death. He’s a higher order grifter, and America is ripe for the grift.

  23. 23.

    HeartlandLiberal

    Well, it was reported that Willard was busing in Mormon students from states along the NE coast to South Carolina the last few days, so he would have crowds at his rallies.

    Maybe the Kock bros could hire them some Mormons?

    Of course they would not be outside agitators if the GOP does it.

    Remember, always: IOKIYAR.

  26. 26.

    BGinCHI

    I’m guessing at Monday night’s debate, Romney is going to turn his political fortunes around by announcing that Scott Walker will be his running mate.

    Although I’m not discounting the possibility that, since Mitt is a Mormon, he might name several running mates.

  27. 27.

    Anne Laurie

    @pat:

    can anyone explain why along about this time of day, the formatting on B-J goes to hell and the print runs across the whole page into the side bars?
    __
    This happens frequently, and sometimes it will shape up if I refresh or click on another thread, but most of the time it does not.
    __
    I’m using Internet Explorer and Windows Vista.

    Last I heard, the best anyone’s been able to figure out this long-standing issue is that “IE doesn’t work with one of the WordPress add-ins Balloon Juice uses.” The only permanent solution, for me, was to switch from IE to FireFox. I realize this is a sad indictment of my technical skills, but then I have none of those.

    If any lurking Tech Wizards can provide a better solution, be assured that many, many people — and also John Cole — would be grateful to know of it.

  28. 28.

    JGabriel

    Remember, everyone: If you are the first person to comment on Cole’s next post, whenever that may be, make sure your comment says, “Fix the goddamn fucking edit button already, Cole!”

    .

  29. 29.

    Redshift

    @Michael: Haw. As I’ve said before, if the only “issue” your voters agree on is “we want the other guy to lose,” it means they don’t agree on anything, and they certainly don’t have a good argument to convince anyone who doesn’t already support them.

    “Why should I support Newt/Mitt?”

    “Because he can beat Obama!”

    “Yeah, I figured you’d be for that from the elephant on your button. But why would he be better?”

    “…Soc1alist! Teleprompter!”

  30. 30.

    Veritas

    If Romney holds Newt down to a five percent or less margin of victory, or if Romney eeks out of win, Romney will be poised to clean up in Florida. Newt can’t be in it for the long haul–he doesn’t have the organization, the ground game, the stamina, or the cash.

    Romney already has a real nice head of steam going into Florida with the huge early voting numbers.

    RealityCheck

  32. 32.

    dmsilev

    Oh look, our pet troll is back. And apparently would have us believe that victory for Romney consists of beating the point spread.

  33. 33.

    WereBear (itouch)

    OW sucks. This is one of the Gifts of Microsoft that encourages the growth of other browsers.

    And since it’s an Open Thread, can I get any commiseration at how pathetic SyFy has become. One of the few plusses of being sick in bed is letting some guilty pleasure channel run in the background, these choices make Bert I. Gordon look like George Pal. Not that I expect a lot from what is apparently Bigfoot Day, but I could do better with watercolors, paper mâché, and finger puppets.

  34. 34.

    beltane

    Romney already has a real nice head of steam going into Florida

    You’ve got your candidates confused I think.

  37. 37.

    lamh35

    OT, But wow…Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together” has gone up from #68 downloaded song yesterday to #37 today and on YouTube when you search for Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together” it’s the #1 result with over 8,000,000 hits and #2 is of course Obama singing that segment of the song! The Al Green song video’s first 15 pages are almost all referencing Obama.

    Wow. So I’m not sure what that says for Obama’s popularity and his ability to still capture the attention of people, I don’t know.

    But superficially, this has got to make him at the very least the hippest President ever

  39. 39.

    kdaug

    @WereBear (itouch):

    Not that I expect a lot from what is apparently Bigfoot Day, but I could do better with watercolors, paper mâché, and finger puppets.

    You’ve got your candidates confused I think.

  40. 40.

    JGabriel

    @Veritas:

    Romney already has a real nice head of steam going into Florida with the huge early voting numbers.

    You swore to us just a few weeks ago that Romney would win all three of Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina by enormous margins.

    You were wrong, and it’s left us all disillusioned. How can we possibly believe anything you say now?

    .

  41. 41.

    beltane

    John King is reporting that they’ll be calling the winner as soon as polls close. Not looking good for Romney.

  42. 42.

    ricky

    University of Wisconsin zoology professor Welden Tinkelboom

    Isn’t that the name of the guy who tried to unseat Michele Bachman?

  44. 44.

    dmsilev

    @beltane: It takes a fair-sized gap before the networks are willing to do that. Several percentage points, at least.

    Looks like the clown cavalcade continues.

  51. 51.

    lamh35

    Wait, so Romney’s son tweets a pic of his dad doing his own laundry???

    Seriously!!! WTF. This is why people think Romney is such a fake.

    Come on now. If any of us were worth millions the last thing I ever want to have to do again in my own freakin’ laundry.

    Jeez. Come on now.

  52. 52.

    cmorenc

    “Honey Badger” is going to be an instant classic here at BJ. Cole, you found pure gold when you signed this Betty Cracker on-board here at Balloon Juice.

  53. 53.

    JGabriel

    @lamh35: I’m surprised. I honestly thought Newt would underperform just enough, and Romney overperform just enough, to keep it moderately close — for a couple hours anyway.

    South Carolina has successfully chosen the eventual GOP nominee in every primary since 1980.

    Schadenfreudy.

    .

  55. 55.

    dmsilev

    @JGabriel: Should be interesting to see the final split. Romney was up a good 10 or 15 points in the polls just a week ago. It’s really amazing.

  57. 57.

    Lojasmo

    @Veritas:

    Was wondering where you were.

    Exit polling shows 41-28 gingie d. Mittens.

    This is gonna be a bloodbath.

    Questioner: “Mr. Romney,will you defeat speaker Gingrich for the republican nomination?”

    Governor Romney: (with classic shit-eating grin) “maybe.”

  58. 58.

    Betty Cracker

    @efgoldman & @DanielX:

    I’d give my left ovary for just a sprinkling of the magic snark-dust that coats the brilliant SP&T, Drifty and the Sadly Lads, but I thank you just the same.

  59. 59.

    dmsilev

    @BGinCHI:

    Thus we are at peak GOP fucked-upness

    I refuse to believe that is possible. Next stop is Florida, with a long tradition of fucked-upedness.

  61. 61.

    Villago Delenda Est

    You know, the entire “he’s a MORMON!” thing may not have been decisive, but didn’t help.

    Far more decisive was the “ZOMG he’s such a phony!” thing, methinks.

    Noot may be many things, but phony is he not. The stuff he embraces may disgust most of us here, but he’s authentic in it.

  62. 62.

    Amir Khalid

    @ricky:
    No, that buy’s name had more of a Middle Earth/Teutonic thing going, if I remember right: Elwyn Tinklenberg.

  64. 64.

    dmsilev

    Ouch. TPM’s wire feed reports that Fox News has already called Gingrich the winner. Willard is muttering “Et tu, Rupert?” under his breath.

  65. 65.

    BGinCHI

    @Betty Cracker: For God’s sake, don’t give Cole your ovary. He’ll just slip and fall on it and then have to make up a big lie about his pets to cover his mistake.

  66. 66.

    Delia

    @WereBear (itouch):

    can I get any commiseration at how pathetic SyFy has become.

    I believe it’s been SyFy’s official policy to cancel any show that displayed any signs of intelligence ever since they rebranded themselves SyFy. And picking wrestling on Friday nights. Also. Too.

  67. 67.

    lamh35

    NBC already calling for Gingrich.

    Estimates are high single digit or low double digit win from exit polls!!!!

  70. 70.

    BGinCHI

    @dmsilev: FL’s fucked-upness has no challengers. It is the undisputed champ.

    If Newt wins this thing I imagine Obama is going refund a lot of campaign money. Maybe starting with the banksters.

  72. 72.

    Amir Khalid

    @dmsilev:
    I vaguely remember Congressman Dildo, Burt Reynold’s character in the movie Striptease — I think it was based on a Carl Hlaasen novel.

  73. 73.

    gogol's wife

    I almost, almost have a teensy tiny smidgen of sympathy for Willard . . . and then I remember all the lies he’s been telling about Obama and it goes away. Whew.

  75. 75.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    @lamh35: He’s got a career in Motown! Barack and The O-Men The background singers Herb Cain, Allen West and at base Clarence Thomas

  78. 78.

    lamh35

    So CNN won’t call the race they wanna wait for acutal ballots to be counted. Which is fine, but does CNN normally do this? Ah no. When Mittens won New Hampshire they announced Romney projected winner right after polls closed.

    What is CNN’s game???

  80. 80.

    ruemara

    @WereBear (itouch): It seems to yeti day. And I wish there was something I could do for you whilst you are sick. A pot of soup, a mass firing of the SyFy programming department. Is there no one near you with a mass of DVDs?

    I, on the other hand, am trying to write a cover letter for a position at the memorial library of a president I…may not respect that highly. If I know I’m being talent whore, does it reduce the whoredom if I really, truly, need the money?

  82. 82.

    JGabriel

    dmsilev:

    CNN has the exit polls. If we believe those, it looks like about 38-28-17-14 Gingrich-Romney-Santorum-Paul.

    And there’s the race, folks! Fat Bitch rounds the corner in the lead, followed several lengths behind by Dog On Car in second, Man On Dog a distant third, and close on his tail, bringing up the rear, is That Dog Is NOT The Federal Government’s Responsibility!

    Well, that was a short race.

    .

  83. 83.

    Redshift

    @Delia:

    I believe it’s been SyFy’s official policy to cancel any show that displayed any signs of intelligence ever since they rebranded themselves SyFy. And picking wrestling on Friday nights. Also. Too.

    And their procedure for greenlighting shows is “Is it cheap?” “SOLD!”

  85. 85.

    Martin

    Game on, folks. Looks like a double digit win for Newt. Mittens is one for three, and won the smallest race so far. If Newt wins Florida, that’s going to suck all of the air out of Romney. Then it’s a bunch of here-and-there races until the end of February and then Super Tuesday, so this may drag out for some time, particularly if this win gets Newt some cash.

    Just awesome.

  86. 86.

    lamh35

    Wait, wait. Gingrich beat Romney among women by 6%

    does candidates’ religious beliefs matter a great deal only 9% supported Romney…that’s dead last. Religious beliefs somewhat matter Romney come ind 2nd behind Gingrich. Religious beliefs not matter at all, Romney wins.

    That people is what ya can call Romney’s “Mormon problem”

  87. 87.

    Redshift

    @ruemara:

    I, on the other hand, am trying to write a cover letter for a position at the memorial library of a president I…may not respect that highly. If I know I’m being talent whore, does it reduce the whoredom if I really, truly, need the money?

    Sure it does. And maybe you can be a force for telling the administration’s story honestly. Apparently the Nixon library finally started doing that a year or two ago.

    Probably not a good line to use in the interview, though.

  88. 88.

    scav

    @ruemara: Think of yourself as a mole, sneaking under cover of employment to, well, something. Insert subtly insulting or non-hagiographic bookmarks into back pages.

  89. 89.

    JGabriel

    dmsilev: I need to do some grocery shopping. That said, it was nice to see the pretty snow flakes falling in NYC today like something out of a Currier & Ives print.

    .

  91. 91.

    dmsilev

    @JGabriel: We had the snow yesterday evening here in Chicago. Walking home after work was Not Fun. Things are in pretty decent shape by now though.

  94. 94.

    WereBear (itouch)

    @ruemara: Thank you for the knd thoughts. We have a DVD collection, but they are all “good” movies. :) I was looking for mindlessness because I’m sick, but I had not realized just how far down the rabbit hole went.

    Rachel discussing Mitt’s response to Gingrich’s challenges by using her finger on her lips to make that cartoon idiocy noise.

    I wonder if Romney has fallen and can’t get up. He looks like the one thing your basic rabid Republican can’t vote for: a laughingstock.

  95. 95.

    Martin

    @lamh35:

    What is CNN’s game???

    “Holy fuck did we all blow Iowa in a big way. Maybe it wouldn’t kill us to wait at least a little while. Besides, delaying the news won’t exactly lose us our audience.”

  96. 96.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Chuck Todd just blowholes that Newt Gingrich has no “mainstream Republican endorsements”

    Dick Cheney is not a “mainstream Republican”?

  98. 98.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    I wonder if this eventually sets the stage for a brokered convention and Jeb Bush becomes the nominee

  99. 99.

    Martin

    @lamh35:

    Gingrich beat Romney among women by 6%

    Only suggests that the GOPs attitude toward women might be right – at least for Republican women.

    At least 51% of the population should be ashamed to see that result.

  101. 101.

    lamh35

    Chuck Todd actually made a good point for once. Unlike Romney and Santorum…Newt has NOT gotten any real establishment or even big conservative endorsements and in SC, Newt either beat Romney by a lot in every county, but even in moderate counties that were won by John McCain, Newt came in dead even with Mittens based on exit polling.

  102. 102.

    dmsilev

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: According to mainstream Republican thought, the Bush administration never actually existed. Either Bush administration, for that matter. History goes Carter->Reagan->Clinton->Obama.

  103. 103.

    Lawnguylander

    Veritroof is mailing it in up there. Not exactly, “bookmark it liberals” material, is it? But who can blame him? In fact, I’m working on my disgruntled Romney supporter persona to troll right wing blogs with. I thought it would be easy, like writing an online dating profile, but it’s fucking hard, man. I can’t even imagine a single reason to give a fuck if he loses the nomination. Not even a single stupid reason.

  104. 104.

    Catsy

    @Michael:

    CNN has a “breaking news” splash that says exit polls show #1 issue in GOP primary was “ability to beat Barack Obama”. If Newt handily beats Romney on that issue, that’s a huge LOL.

    It makes sense. Think about all the wingnut trolls and bloggers (ah, but I repeat myself) and what they’ve repeatedly said about their most ridiculous candidates, such as Palin or Santorum. Their refrain is that we mock them because we’re afraid of them and their ability to connect with Americans.

    Never mind that these candidates have sky-high negatives and a proven ability to lose general elections. Never mind that so much of what comes out of their mouth is incredibly risible at best, and more like outright lunacy. They can’t admit those facts, because they can’t admit just how broadly unpopular and ridiculous their candidates and policies are. So we must be mocking them because we’re afraid of them.

    They have, in other words, drunk their own Kool-Aid to the last drop. In the alternate universe which they inhabit, of course someone like Newt Gingrich is better able to defeat Obama than Romney is–Newt is a more “pure” conservative, and whatever other qualities he has he isn’t afraid to make the case for the same so-called conservative “solutions” that have failed for decades. He is, in some ways, the counterpart of Alan Grayson, who–as much as I adore him and his willingness to fight for progressive ideals–would go down in flames as a presidential candidate.

    TL;DR: this is a direct consequence of the degree to which wingnuts have deluded themselves into thinking that extreme right-wing conservatism has broad popular appeal, and that therefore their most viable candidates are the ones furthest to the right.

  106. 106.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Mr Stagger Lee: I think that’s the dearest wish of Broderville and the Carlyle (sp?) Group wing of the party, but as out of sync as I have been with the broader American electorate where Bushes are concerned, I can’t imagine that the Bush name is an asset outside of country club bars.

  108. 108.

    Mike in NC

    @lamh35:

    That people is what ya can call Romney’s “Mormon problem”

    An entitled, obscenely wealthy narcissist who cannot interact with real people; someone who’s values (such as they even exist) are anathema to ordinary working class Americans; congenital liar and serial panderer; destroyed thousands of jobs and wrecked dozens of American companies and shipping the leftovers to China and Mexico.

    Yeah, the religion thing didn’t help either.

  110. 110.

    Yutsano

    Waitaminute…who’s watching Erik ibn Erik?? He’s gotta be exploding with bloviation worthy of our snarkitude by now.

  111. 111.

    Anne Laurie

    @Lawnguylander:

    I’m working on my disgruntled Romney supporter persona to troll right wing blogs with. I thought it would be easy, like writing an online dating profile, but it’s fucking hard, man. I can’t even imagine a single reason to give a fuck if he loses the nomination. Not even a single stupid reason.

    Go “Mr. Propriety”. If the richest candidate can’t win the Money Party sweeps, how will the Underpants Zurich Gnomes ever respect us again? If the GOP nom goes to the Id Made Great Piles of Pale, Sweaty Flesh, or even worse a guy whose name can’t be googled, think of the children will nobody think of the children! And so forth.

  112. 112.

    Mike in NC

    @Lawnguylander:

    I’m working on my disgruntled Romney supporter persona to troll right wing blogs with. I thought it would be easy, like writing an online dating profile, but it’s fucking hard, man.

    Just pretend you’re one of Mitt’s heartthrob trust fund sons. “Oh, shit, Dad is totally squandering my hard-earned inheritance! I might need to find a real job!”

  115. 115.

    pat

    I’m on my laptop now and will check out the desktop tomorrow, but while I was dismembering the rotissery chicken, did any one else already compare NASTY NEWTIE to a HONEY BADGER??? Huh?

  116. 116.

    pat

    Well, that is the first time I have seen “your comment is awaiting moderation.” Did someone try to fix the edit button and hit moderation instead?
    Ooops.

  117. 117.

    Lyrebird

    @Anne Laurie: Thanks for piping up. And @JGabriel thanks for the hilarity…

    I kinda prefer J Stewart’s name — the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

    Same sick smile — they might well be related!

  118. 118.

    DanielX

    @Betty Cracker:

    Still some most excellent good work…methinks you’ve already been visited by the Snark Fairy.

    @pat:

    I hear you, it’s been showing up a lot lately. Why, one of my comments was put into moderation the other day and I only said fuck in the comment like five times. I couldn’t believe it.

  119. 119.

    jake the snake

    @WereBear (itouch):

    What possible academic application can any book focusing on perversion serve? As long as parents are paying the bills, they not only have an exclusive right to complain but to dictate terms as well

    .
    Syfy, what a waste of electrons. It has so much potential for good. They could make movies from some of the classics, like Clifford Simak’s “Way Station”, or Henry Kuttner’s “Mutant” for about as much as put into one of their giant shark movies.

  121. 121.

    pat

    Finally, in case anyone is still here (hellooo..?)
    My laptop, running Windows 7, doesn’t seem to have formatting this problem. Someone suggested looking for programs running at this time, but there are dozens of programs on my computer that I NEVER USE. Maybe I’ll just start deleting, deleting, etc.

    Oh, and if the Nasty Newt actually manages to become president, the Titanic will have hit the iceberg.

  122. 122.

    Richard S

    To have Levenson and Cracker in teh same forum – the Snark Fairy has truly blessed us all! Thanks John even with the edit function issues!!!

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