Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

Sadly, media malpractice has become standard practice.

“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

“That’s what the insurrection act is for!”

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

The current Supreme Court is a dangerous, rogue court.

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

“Joe Biden deserved better than he got from some folks in his own party.”

with the Kraken taking a plea, the Cheese stands alone.

The choice is between normal and crazy.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

After dobbs, women are no longer free.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

I’m more christian than these people and i’m an atheist.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

This fight is for everything.

Let there be snark.

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Reader Interactions

156Comments

  2. 2.

    Downpuppy

    Commercials are all tricks, no inspiration.

    Get offa my lawn!

    Patriots are Taking Care of Business.

  7. 7.

    MikeJ

    As someone who was never a fan of Madonna (I heard the Lords of the New Church cover like a virgin before I heard her do it) I thought she was pretty good, for what it was.

  9. 9.

    YellowJournalism

    I’ll just be glad in a few weeks when I don’t have to hear “old Madonna” jokes from aging disc jockeys that are as old or older than her.

  11. 11.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Sting and Gwen Stefani were pretty good a few years back.

    Nothing, however, can top the sheer idiocy of the reaction to the wardrobe malfunction. Good grief, people, stop being such broomstick up the ass until it’s coming out your mouth, already.

  14. 14.

    chopper

    i know it sounds like damning with faint praise, but that was the best halftime show i’ve seen in a long time. mostly cause it had cee-lo innit, but it was noticably short of shlock like the usual halftime show. that was great.

  15. 15.

    geg6

    I so wanted her to Tebow during “Like A Prayer”. I remember how the American Taliban raked her over the coals for that video and it would have been such a great Madge fuck you moment. Sadly, she’s gotten too old and wise for such things now. Gotta say, though, she’s my age and I could only hope to look that good.

    By the way, Cole, if we have a Pittsburgh BJ meet-up, I sure hope you’d consider driving up for the evening. You can stay at my place if (when) we should tipple a bit too much.

  16. 16.

    JPL

    The Chrysler ad was pretty powerful. The only thing it lacked was thank you Mr. President. I put on PBS because I live in a pretty sedentary household and have already scared the pets. Really a Safety and 12 men on the field..Really…
    It’s better this way for Mr. Alice (black January cat)and Miss Moxie (scruffy September dog).

  18. 18.

    madmommy

    The VW ad was good if they’d just left it as the dog on a diet. Connecting it to the awesomeness that was the Darth Vader ad from last year was just trying too hard.

  21. 21.

    Southern Beale

    Oddly, I tried to post a comment a few seconds ago and got a “bad behavior” error message. How does your blog know me that well?

    Anyway, I was going to counter that the Clint Eastwood Detroit ad was amazing, and then saw ABL has already posted it up-thread.

    Madonna’s half-time show was awesome, I thought. Maybe that makes me uncool, but damn she can still do it. IMHO.

  22. 22.

    Calming Influence

    Despite the heavy football focus today, I’m going to call an open-thread audible and put this out there:

    Fucking dryer balls – how do they work? They seem to have become a ubiquitous feature in household dryers, but really, are they any different than pyramids or crystals?

    Does Dryer Ball Science even approach the level of Scrubbing Bubble Science or Creation Science?

  23. 23.

    Joy

    Actually, I think Doritos have redeemed themselves over last year’s commercials. I like the dog bribing the man with Doritos after he sees him covering up the cat tags. At least they aren’t creepy like last years. Speaking of creepy, do GoDaddy commercials make anyone as sick as me?

  24. 24.

    Southern Beale

    I thought there were a few really cute ads. The vampires disappering in the Audi LED lights were cute. And me and the hubs were laughing at the Doritos ad where the dog knocked off the cat. We thought it was funny but my Twitter feed tells me we were the only ones. Lighten up, people. It’s fucking Dorito’s.

  27. 27.

    jl

    Either this game, whatever it is, (I thought the season ended for all practical purposes, and for every sane right thinking person, when the niners lost) is a mess or the blog is a mess, or both.

    Why is the second half thread before the halftime thread?

    Is this dumb football game messed up that bad, or is the mighty Balloon Juice experiencing a rare episode of total disorganization and utter confusion?

    Only thing interesting about this game is whether Cole enjoyed his heart healthy vegan tacos. I eagerly await the report.

  31. 31.

    Calming Influence

    @Southern Beale: They’re these knobby rubber balls that you throw into the dryer with your wet laundry, and you spend the next hour listening to them beat the shit our of your clothes and the dryer drum. I’m not being snarky when I say you need to Google them – they’re starting to take over the planet like Tribbles.

  32. 32.

    jl

    That crumbum Brady going to erase the Holy Montana’s (pbuh) records? That cannot be.

    This game will stink either way. Either the Jersey palookas win, or playboy brady will defile the memory of one of the SF Bay Area’s patron saints.

    Soon, we only be able to have shrines to St Francis, Rice, and Garcia.

    Madonna gonna play? She looked in better shape than most of players.

  33. 33.

    SarahT

    @Joy: Nothing is as creepy as that ETrade baby – ugh. But I loved Mr. Quiggly, despite the ugly sneakers they made him sell.

  34. 34.

    Calming Influence

    @john:

    They are the same as truck nuts but for your dryer.

    Kudos; absolutely the best description of dryer balls ever.

  35. 35.

    Southern Beale

    Via the Twitter Tubez I learned that Sean Hannity and Greta Van Susterface hated the Madonna half-time show so I am more convinced than ever that it was awesome.

    :-)

  38. 38.

    Death Panel Truck

    If you won’t say it, Cole, I will. Madonna sucked.

    “I thought Lady Gaga looked awful.”

    FTFW.

  39. 39.

    geg6

    Violet @20:

    Agreed. A friend of mine, at the time, said they should just stop with the halftime acts after that one. Prince kicked everyone’s ass, before and after. Stillbthe best one ever. Madge wasn’t bad, though. And this is from someone who was always more a fan of her attitude than her music.

  44. 44.

    Spaghetti Lee

    @Calming Influence:

    So, wait, are they for helping dry your clothes? Because otherwise…what? Why? I swear, sometimes I think that pop culture is a giant conspiracy to leave me confused and bewildered.

  45. 45.

    Calming Influence

    Also, dryer balls seem to always come in sets of two. It makes you wonder what goes through a woman’s mind when she throws them in and set the drying temp. to HIGH.

  47. 47.

    Wag

    I thought Madonna was great, but every SB halftime show pales in comparison to U2’s show. Ten years ago
    Hard to fucking believe.

  49. 49.

    PoliticalHack

    The first two Coke polar bear commercials were pretty good. the GE ones sucked, both because they were boring and their blatant lies about jobs in America (how many thousands have they shipped overseas or to Mexico in the past decade?).

    Worst one so far? The Old Navy “corporado” clothing – even as a Poe it sucked.

  51. 51.

    pythagoras frog

    did anyone else notice that the second rapper (i think it might have been MIA) flipped off the camera at the end of her verse?

  52. 52.

    Southern Beale

    Okay I don’t know what a dryer ball is but I would guess if I were a dryer ball I’d be used to keep clothing fluffed as it goes through the dryer cycle, especially things like quilts.

    I would love to fluff my down comforter in the dryer but was told to put tennis balls in with it for that reason. But tennis balls smell, and I don’t want my comforter smelling like a fresh can of tennis balls.

    So.

  53. 53.

    suzanne

    I thought Madonna herself was competent (she fell once, anyone else see that?), but the staging was awesome. The Vogue covers all over the field were muy cool.

    Prince was indeed the best.

  54. 54.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Kathy:

    Yeah, but the Rams helmet was anachronistic. The Rams’ horns didn’t go to yellow until the late 70’s, and that scene was supposed to be from the 60’s.

  56. 56.

    Cacti

    Stat of the game…

    NYG have held the ball for almost 30 minutes…

    But are still trailing by 2.

  57. 57.

    Southern Beale

    @PoliticalHack:

    We noticed the Coke polar bear commercials seem to be following the action on the field and wonder if they had two sets of ads prepared, depending on how the teams were doing in the game. Anyone else notice that?

  63. 63.

    Violet

    I thought Madonna seemed unexpectedly small on the stage, like she couldn’t fill the space. I’ve always thought of her as being larger than life, so it surprised me she seemed so insignificant. I wonder why they added LMFAO, Niki Minaj, Cee Lo, etc. They haven’t done that for other performers. Prince didn’t need or get help. So I think she did a good job and she looks great, especially for her age, but I was somewhat underwhelmed.

    Man, the game seems to be full of injuries at the moment.

  66. 66.

    Southern Beale

    @Violet:

    Yeah I noticed that too but Madonna is a very small person. She’s like 5’4″ and while she was wearing some heels, she wasn’t going GaGa on the footwear, since she had to move around the stage. That’s a lot of space for one little person to fill.

  71. 71.

    Violet

    @Cacti:
    I don’t think they added anyone for the Rolling Stones, did they? Or Springsteen? They definitely didn’t for Prince.

    I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have more than one performer. Something for everyone that way. Just interesting when they do it.

  73. 73.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Kathy:

    I’m a lifelong Ram fan. The helmets got me into them back when I was a wee lad. STILL the coolest helmets in the NFL.

    BTW, that was pass interference. The Bart Simponesque “I didn’t do it” sealed the deal.

  76. 76.

    Jay C

    Guess I agree with the general assessments here: ads suck (except for Clint Eastwood) Madonna was OK: I’ve seen better SB shows, but this was as good as one could expect.

    @Southern Beale:

    True: Madonna is pretty short and slight: I bumped into her (literally) once in a crowded Broadway theater: if she hadn’t been braced on the other side by Rosie O’Donnell, I’d have probably floored her…

  77. 77.

    BD of MN

    We can all agree that wherever Madonna ranks in the halftime show pantheon, her show was the best of the previous three years, right? In case you’ve blocked it out of your memory, last year was the Black Eyed Peas and the year before was four old guys who may have been The Who…

  78. 78.

    Schlemizel

    The game has been one of the more entertaining but the worst commercials in 30 years of Super Bowls.

    Lets not talk about Grandma Gaga, the halftime has never been worth watching. It was better when they just had the local U marching band strut their stuff.

  79. 79.

    Cacti

    @BD of MN:

    We can all agree that wherever Madonna ranks in the halftime show pantheon, her show was the best of the previous three years, right? In case you’ve blocked it out of your memory, last year was the Black Eyed Peas and the year before was four old guys who may have been The Who…

    The Black Eyed Peas were probably the most disappointing, as the other two are both considered past their peak as performers.

  80. 80.

    JPL

    @Schlemizel: If the Giants win, I hope it’s by more than 2 because although the safety might have been within the rules, it had not been called all season. Just my opinion..

  81. 81.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @superfly:

    Wow, that is a great site. 1963, huh? Well, I have an excuse, I was six, and also, we didn’t get a color TV until ’68 (during the Democratic National Convention…Baby Blue Helmets ftw!)

    Those 1949 helms are something else entirely!

  83. 83.

    Spaghetti Lee

    I’ve actually liked this slate of commercials more than any other in the last 5 years or so. Lots of cute animals, some funny concepts, not much mean-spiritedness or winking self-awareness (at least from my perspective).

  84. 84.

    Violet

    @BD of MN:
    Oh, wow. The Who. I’d totally forgotten about that disaster. Sheesh. Yes, she was way better than that.

    @Southern Beale:
    I don’t think it was Madonna’s size that made her seem small on the stage. Somehow her act or persona or something couldn’t fill it even with all those guys dancing and writing around her. When the other performers showed up she seemed to perk up a bit.

    I forgot to mention, I really liked the guy on the tightrope wire during the early part of the show. That was pretty cool

  85. 85.

    Yutsano

    @madmommy: Note to Giants: do NOT score too fast. Otherwise that beautiful gain will be for naught.

    PS I think they’re exploiting a chink in the Pats’ armour. Interesting.

  86. 86.

    Cacti

    Score a damn TD Giants.

    If Brady wants to join Joe Cool, make him drive the field like Joe had to against Cincy.

  89. 89.

    madmommy

    @Yutsano:
    Looks like Eli has got a plan and is burning clock.

    That score was…interesting.

    Can’t believe they haven’t found Peyton somewhere in the stadium and put a camera on him.

  91. 91.

    Schlemizel

    @chopper:
    More like, Giants – oops! I don’t buy that NE just let him score though either, nobody was just standing around.

  101. 101.

    indykelt

    @Southern Beale: My daughter cloth diapers so we use dryer balls made of 100% wool. You can make your own easy-peasy out of a couple of skeins of wool yarn or a recycled wool sweater. We don’t use any fabric softener or dryer sheets because the chemicals interfere with the absorbency of the cloth diapers. If you use 4 or more of them they will cut your dryer time down by about 25% and the wool ones don’t make as much of a racket in the dryer as the ones that you buy in the store (which are usually made of nasty petro-chemical crap). And they don’t smell bad, in fact you can scent them with essential oil if you want or go unscented.

  103. 103.

    Villago Delenda Est

    The Hail Mary gets batted around in the endzone, and this one is in the history books.

  106. 106.

    Suffern ACE

    Hmmm. I believe this is karma at work. One can have a supermodel wife or win superbowl rings, but not both at the same time.

  109. 109.

    RinaX

    Woo-hoo, Eli has more rings than Peyton! I’m also happy to see Tom Coughlin get another ring.

  110. 110.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @madmommy:

    That’s one of those badass superstud lineman masks.

    Believe me, that’s lineman heaven, having one of those.

  112. 112.

    Mark S.

    Eli deserves the MVP, but the Giants secondary played a hell of a game. Brady had a lot of time most of the game but had nowhere to throw.

  115. 115.

    Cacti

    @RinaX:

    Woo-hoo, Eli has more rings than Peyton!

    And he’s 2-0 against Tom Brady in the big game.

    Whereas Peyton was Brady’s biatch most of the time in the AFC playoffs.

  120. 120.

    jl

    @Cacti: I guess the Bay Area neighborhood saloon shrines can stay up.

    I don’t know what happened. I was reading the gardening post.

  125. 125.

    RinaX

    @Violet:

    I smile thinking about the fake smile that Peyton will have to put on as everyone celebrates his brother winning in HIS stadium. I’ve missed hating Peyton and his stupid face that he makes after he loses this past season, but this makes up for it.

  128. 128.

    2liberal

    congrats to giants fans and their buddy, Joe Lieberman. Pats couldn’t get off the field. They need to use their 2 firsts and 2 seconds this April for some Defense.

  129. 129.

    robertdsc-PowerBook

    It’s hard to swallow this loss. The place i work at will be brutal tomorrow, the next day, and forever after. Fuck.

  130. 130.

    James E. Powell

    @2liberal:

    All props to the Giants. The Patriots two biggest stars on offense, Brady and Welker, had key screwups that probably cost them the game. I agree the Pats need players on defense, but they could also use a bona fide wide receiver.

  131. 131.

    madmommy

    @RinaX:

    Peyton is a very competitive guy, and I am not a fan of his going back to the days when the Vols regularly whooped up on the Tide when he was QB. But he has always been vocally supportive of his little brother, and repeatedly stated how proud he is of him and that he loves him. He might be BSing but I don’t think so.

  134. 134.

    RinaX

    @madmommy:

    I’m a Gator fan, and I have also hated Peyton since his Tennessee days, and as a Jaguar fan that hate has continued. I’ll admit to feeling bad about his injury and the current situation he’s in with the Colts. I don’t want his career to be ended by injury, but want him to play on to lose more playoff games so I can point and laugh as he walks off the field sulking. Suffice to say, my grudge is irrational, so take my words for what they are.

  135. 135.

    fasteddie9318

    Aw, nuts. Maybe Tommy and Bill are just never going to win as many Super Bowls as Terry and Chuck. That would really break my heart.

  136. 136.

    suzanne

    Can someone explain to me how the Patriots cannot count and had 12 dudes on the field AGAIN?! I mean, I realize that pro footballers aren’t renowned for their intellects, but one would think they could at least count to twelve.

  139. 139.

    Cassidy

    @RinaX: As a Jacksonville native, there are very few reasons to like the Jaguars. Watching the Giants win a Superbowl (again) reminds me of another erason why I can’t stand them.

  140. 140.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne: It gets worse: it’s the coach’s job to ensure the correct number of players are on the field. So someone on the Patriots sideline chose a very bad night to be off.

  142. 142.

    YellowJournalism

    I don’t know about the wool ones mentioned above, but the bumpy dryer nuts that you throw inare supposed to decrease wrinkles and/or decrease drying time. However, I’ve read a few different sources that basically called them out as a marketing gimmick that just plain do not work. I can’t remember if it was a Parents mag or Good Housekeeping that did a study on two different types and both were proven, along with tennis balls, to do absolutely nothing more for your drying laundry than drying clothes without them does.

    A damp towel in your drying cycle does help with wrinkles if put in when clothes are half dry, though.

  143. 143.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    @Violet: The Super Bowl bet on the over/under on the TV showing Peyton was three. Looks like the number was zero. Now prepare for the ball slobbering on ESPN for the NEW YORK GIANTS for the rest of the week and Mike Greenberg will bitch about his New York Jets.

  144. 144.

    RinaX

    @Cassidy:

    I’ve gotten through Jaguar games over the past few seasons with the power of laughter, and the fact that I’d pretty much become dead inside as far as feeling any emotion about them winning or losing. Some of that lethargy did lift when they FINALLY fired Jack Del Rio. I am interested to see how things will shake out in the Khan Moustache era. Seriously, that’s all I can focus on when I see him.

    @different-church-lady My hate only extends to Peyton. I have no beef with Eli. And he plays for Tom Coughlin, so hey, whatever.

  146. 146.

    burnspbesq

    NBC should always have the Super Bowl broadcast rights. Michaels and Collinsworth are orders of magnitude better than Fox and CBS’ top announcers, and the production was pretty much flawless.

  148. 148.

    madmommy

    @RinaX:
    I can’t stand Peyton as a player, but the guy is really funny. He did well hosting SNL, and the commercials he’s doen have been good. Either he is very good at taking direction or he has talent outside of a football field.

  149. 149.

    Cacti

    Just in case anyone was counting…

    Genius Bellycheat/Tom Lady postseason record since Spygate: 4-4 overall, 0-2 in the Super Bowl

    Before Spygate: 10-1 overall, 3-0 in the Super Bowl

  150. 150.

    superfly

    @Cacti:

    Just in case anyone was counting…

    Genius Bellycheat/Tom Lady postseason record since Spygate: 4-4 overall, 0-2 in the Super Bowl

    Before Spygate: 10-1 overall, 3-0 in the Super Bowl

    yep

  151. 151.

    Origuy

    I haven’t seen the show because I was driving back from Tahoe, but my sister and brother-in-law were in the halftime crew. I’ll have to watch it because I think they might have shown him.

  152. 152.

    RinaX

    @madmommy:

    Yeah, he is funny, I’ll give him that. Aaron Roger’s Discount Double-check commercials weren’t a good substitute. I was glad to see him return in the Papa John commercials so I could feel the familiar “Hahahafunnybutstilladouche” feeling. Like I said, irrational. But I do completely let it go once football season’s over, so I can focus on hating Kobe Bryant.

  153. 153.

    Mark S.

    @burnspbesq:

    I agree. Collinsworth is a thousand times better than Aikman and Avogadro’s number times better than Sims. He was actually analyzing the blocking schemes; I thought color commentators were just supposed to tell you how nice Eli and Brady are off the field.

  156. 156.

    HeartlandLiberal

    The entrance was straight out of Liz Taylor and the movie Cleopatra. Which if you have never seen, do so. The first half is magnificent. The second, you just want to run a sword through whining Mark Anthony and be done with him.

    I kept waiting for Madonna to have her clothes ripped off.

    At one point half way through, when the dancers crowded around her, I thought it was about to happen.

    And then for the closing number, she is covered from top to bottom in a choir robe. It looked like she should have also had her head covered, burqa style.

    I was so disappointed.

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