John Fleming (R-Idiot) fell for a nine-month-old hilarious article in The Onion which touted the grand-opening of an Abortionplex:
TOPEKA, KS—Planned Parenthood announced Tuesday the grand opening of its long-planned $8 billion Abortionplex, a sprawling abortion facility that will allow the organization to terminate unborn lives with an efficiency never before thought possible.
During a press conference, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards told reporters that the new state-of-the-art fetus-killing facility located in the nation’s heartland offers quick, easy, in-and-out abortions to all women, and represents a bold reinvention of the group’s long-standing mission and values.
“Although we’ve traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion,” said Richards, standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood’s new slogan, “No Life Is Sacred.” “And since Congress voted to retain our federal funding, it’s going to be that much easier for us to maximize the number of tiny, beating hearts we stop every day.”
“The Abortionplex’s high-tech machinery is capable of terminating one pregnancy every three seconds,” Richards added. “That’s almost a million abortions every month. We’re so thrilled!”
These people are too stupid to be in charge of anything. Also, the fact that Fleming cpould read that article and think it true demonstrates that these nutbags actually think that liberals are pro-abortion; “pro” as in “we love aborting shit.”
It’s absurd — and sad. But mostly, absurd.
[via The Atlantic]
[cross-posted at ABLC]
Bulworth
Better not to post to Facebook and have some doubt your intelligence than to post and forever remove all doubt.
CaptainFwiffo
“Abortion by the wholesale”? I think congressman Fleming just coined a new the stupid.
Culture of Truth
Clearly this article is ready to live outside the Onion
Tone In DC
Teh st00pid – IT BURNS.
redshirt
It’s becoming clear to me they have no idea what “satire” is. Or irony. Or humor.
rlrr
It’s not the first time a conservative mistook an an Onion article for a real news item…
Waldo
What are the odds that, instead of admitting an embarrassing mistake, he’ll continue to be outraged by the mere possibility that such places could exist?
rlrr
Most conservatives have no sense of irony and cannot recognize satire.
Mark S.
Anyone could have fallen for that. The Onion hasn’t been around very long.
TR
@Culture of Truth:
Win.
brad
Sometimes conservatives make me think irony actually enjoys being raped.
pseudonymous in nc
And yes, Congressman John Fleming of Louisiana is a physician by profession.
MattF
Wonder if he’ll have the chutzpa to blame his staff for this one. “My chief-of-staff, who is the one who normally reminds me to breathe in after breathing out, does all the intertube stuff.”
vtr
I have long thought that Republicans themselves believe the crap they say out loud. Nobody could be that dumb. I am proven wrong.
Betty Cracker
LMAO! What a maroon…
Cap'n Magic
And he’s an MD to boot. And people wonder why our healthcare system is so borked…
rlrr
@Waldo:
During the Clinton administration, after much outrage over a scandal that turned out to be fake, Fox “News” justified their coverage by claiming the scandal was something Clinton would have done if he had the opportunity.
pseudonymous in nc
@MattF:
Perhaps he pissed off one of his interns, because I find it hard to believe that the staffers and pissboys/girls in his office don’t know what The Onion is.
bemused
Idiocracy by the wholesale.
russ
64 seconds after posting to Facebook.
Honey, what’s the Onion?
It’s satire dear.
OH!
Where’s that damm delete button?
LGRooney
He probably knows but relies on the stupidity of his base to not look into the matter, until a bunch of rednecks with shotguns and TNT show up in Topeka looking for Planned Parenthood. Then, he might apologize. Until then, he’ll just feed off the rage.
dmbeaster
I thought the conservative fall-back in this type of situation was that even if objectively false, it is still symbolically true?
Bubblegum Tate
Poe’s Law strikes again!
FuriousPhil
To give him just the slightest benefit of the doubt, I thought the creationist theme park was an Onion item at first.
LGRooney
@brad: Comment of the day
Spaghetti Lee
@russ:
Honey, what’s satire?
It’s something the liberals do, dear. Don’t worry about it too much.
elmo
Sure, it’s a hoax, but shame on Planned Parenthood for making it seem plausible.
/
KJLopezSister Inviolattarlrr
I briefly thought The Conservative Bible Project was from the Onion…
Bubblegum Tate
@Waldo:
Indeed, that will be central to his point.
Elizabelle
Thank you for the laugh out loud.
You would think that reading this would stop most people in their tracks:
But no.
pragmatism
head desk
headdesk
the indentation gets bigger every day.
dr. luba
@Cap’n Magic: Please. Not all doctors are idiots. Only about 27%.
Cap'n Magic
@MattF: Its been excised from his wall-but too late for him.
Cap'n Magic
@dr. luba: Speaking of 27% of MD’s being idiots: Doctor discipline: State fails to offer full disclosure (StarTribune)</a?
Elizabelle
2,000 procedure rooms in a 900,000-square-foot facility.
And it’s got a Lazy River too.
Hello?
jl
Will Chuck Todd express deep concern about satire meddling with our sacred political institutions, which he realizes are rotten, completely dysfunctional, and in deep trouble, but which he respects and loves deeply?
But, what about the sacred institution of Congresscritters making fools of themselves? With not satire to help them, how will that great political tradition, which I deeply love and respect, continue?
I smell a dilemma.
I for one do not care, and root for satire.
Or, goofy political ads that are self satiric. I approve of political ads with fiendish Asians chuckling over the imminent ruination of our great United States. At least as long as they feature hot young chicks. I notice from a TPM post on the genre that some of these ads do not feature hot young chicks, and those are truly vile and should be condemned.
Geoduck
Someone set up a Yelp! page for the Abortionplex. The “visitor” comments are hilarious.
28 Percent
@Waldo: Exactly! What does it say about Planned Parenthood that this Congressdude believed that PP has $8 billion to spend on an Abortionplex in Topeka, and that they are so sure of their political position, in a country that Ross Douthat insists is wholeheartedly opposed to PP’s very existence, that they are announcing this in particularly puckish prose?
It says that PP’s in possession of secret magic mind-controlling and reality-bending powers, that’s what it says about PP. Is it responsible to speculate that Satan himself, or if Satan was already fully leveraged, maybe some ancient civlization from outer space, might be behind this? It would be irresponsible not to!
Aet
Maybe he didn’t actually believe it.
The rule of the Useful Idiot: maybe he just posted it because the rubes who support him might believe it.
Richard
With stupidity like this, it’s hard not think of Gilda Radner’s old SNL character…
Chevy Chase: Weekend Update recognizes its obligation to present responsible opposing viewpoints to our editorials. Here to reply to a recent editorial, is Emily Litella.
Emily Litella: I’m here tonight to speak out against busting schoolchildren. Busting schoolchildren is a terrible, terrible thing. I hear this is going on all over the country. Mean policemen arrest little children and put them in jail in the wrong neighborhood, so they can’t even play with their little friends. Imagine, busting schoolchildren! The food in jail isn’t good, and even though they get bread, I don’t believe they can get toast. Or nice cake. Now, who will tuck them in? Where will they hang their leggings? Where will they set up their little lemonade stands? Well, they don’t have toys in jail, except maybe..
Chevy Chase: [ interrupting ] Miss Litella?
Emily Litella: Yes?
Chevy Chase: I’m sorry. The editorial was on bussing schoolchildren. Bussing. Not busting.
Emily Litella: Oh. I’m sorry. Never mind.
rlrr
@Cap’n Magic:
Tom Coburn, is a MD. Case closed.
Culture of Truth
Honey, what’s satire?
“It’s the round wheel-thing cars run on, but that’s not important right now.”
FlipYrWhig
@Elizabelle: The vast majority of people don’t read more than a sentence of anything, and I’m not sure how often anyone even gets beyond the headline of a news story. And it’s not a left-right thing, either, alas, as is evident from the entire HuffPo empire.
Frankensteinbeck
I just love that the first comment is ‘The Onion is satire. How exactly did you get elected?’
Zam
@redshirt: They don’t know satire at all I worked with a group of southern conservatives for about a year. During that time I pretty much played at being Colbert, I don’t think they ever caught on, you one up their crazy and they just applaud and go up another level. They either cannot understand this type of thing or are on a level even higher than Colbert at this routine.
jl
Or, are the reactionaries worried about their competition that puts out far better nonsense, and that will drive them out of business?
I notice that lately the political reactionaries’ best self satiric work is inspired, or more accurately, stolen, from actual satire.
Maybe they are worried about an IP lawsuit? Those 99 year copyrights might just put them out of business.
merrinc
I just spent three minutes searching his FB page and while that article has been removed, there’s enough idiocy still on his Wall to make one’s head explode.
Napoleon
@rlrr:
So are Ron and Rand Paul.
Maus
I couldn’t find that link, but I did find prolifers asking when they could “go to war” (I’m assuming not figuratively) over PP.
khead
Ok, well, this makes a bit more sense now.
Turns out the dude is just a dumbass.
ABL
@Culture of Truth: you win the thread.
smintheus
The clown has already deleted his FB post. He’s also deleting all the comments elsewhere criticizing him or asking where his deleted Onion post has gone.
He’s got 2 anti Planned Parenthood polls near the top of his FB page, and both are failing badly. He must be getting a lot of non-wingnut readers today.
smintheus
@smintheus: I checked back, and my own comment on his top post lasted less than 5 minutes before it was deleted.
Elizabelle
@FlipYrWhig:
So true. I noticed that a lot with the political web headlines on The Washington Post over the last 2 years or so.
Although, recently, they seem more accurate.
Very clear the Post was going for clicks and misinforming those who wouldn’t read the actual article (which often directly contradicted the headline, but seven to fifteen paragraphs down.)
The dead tree and web headlines would be quite different. Different audiences.
Bob2
Ron Paul ob/gyn just suggested estrogen injections for women who are victims of “honest rape.”
Culture of Truth
Via Yelp:
Raven
Fucking idiot Paul Braun is an MD.
Phoenix_rising
Maybe Rep. Fleming and Pete Hoekstra (MI-racist) are getting their advice on web presence strategies from the same consultant. Who is himself a plant from the reality based community. Hope he’s billing this stuff at $600 an hour.
scav
Ah, to have attained the same mental class as a Chinese news agency (another fine source of propaganda). Must be bursting his buttons with pride.
Villago Delenda Est
@jl:
Chuck Toad is scheduled for an early tumbrel.
Michael57
@Mark S.: Yeah, the Onion only predates the World Wide Web. No one could have known this was satire.
pseudonymous in nc
I’d like to think that the crazification factor isn’t evenly distributed over all professions and fields, but my guess is that doctors are closer to the average than theoretical physicists.
Emma
@pragmatism: These days mine looks like the Marianas Trench…
wrb
This is up there with the Chinese falling for the retractable dome on the US Capitol story.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2002/06/08/MN129538.DTL
gelfling545
@pseudonymous in nc: Then everyone in his home state can thank their lucky stars he is not practicing.
Villago Delenda Est
@Richard:
Presidential Erections, Sex and Violins, Endangered Feces…
PJM
He’s got somebody scrubbing his FB page on an ongoing basis. I made one comment and have already been blocked. Everything related to the Onion is going down the memory hole.
Yevgraf
OT, but I got to get something off my chest that I cannot vent out on Facebook.
Today, I heard some of the most twisted, awful, evil shit I ever could have imagined that regards absolutely true material, and I am still trying to process what I heard.
Basically, this stuff all happened on the record in a divorce which arose as the result of a molestation case that was filed years ago by people I know against a daughter of an old family acquaintance. I vaguely knew there was a lot of back and forth drama and accusation at the time, but everybody involved was closed-mouth to the wider world. apparently, the molestation was denied, but in the process, there were a number of allegations that were admitted regarding incestuous relationships in the household – father to all of his daughters, siblings with siblings. Brother admitted to screwing his sister for four goddamn years.
It is fucking sick, and I have to deal with this woman on a not-infrequent basis. She’s weird to begin with, hard to deal with on a professional level, and prickly in demeanor and has a sense of betrayal over her husband not getting support from my office in a political race.
Gah!
Southern Beale
Also in stupid Republicanism today, get a look at Mitt Romney’s money shot.
CaptainFwiffo
The fact that the congressman found the article believable is in itself proof that Planned Parenthood secretly has ambitions to commoditize abortion.
Elizabelle
There are twenty physicians in Congress.
Two of them are Democrats. (Rep. Jim McDermott of Washington is a psychiatrist; Delegate Donna Christensen, a delegate from the Virgin Islands, is in Emergency Medicine.)
http://donnachristensen.house.gov/
Eighteen are GOP.
Two of those are Pauls.
Four GOP physicians are OB/GYNs.
http://www.patientsactionnetwork.com/physicians-of-the-112th-congress/
Why the disparity, do you think?
18 to 2.
slag
@CaptainFwiffo: “Abortion by the wholesale” would make an excellent tagline.
What I like about this isn’t just that it demonstrates how idiotic some of these people are, it’s that it demonstrates how fundamentally caught up they are in their idiotic ideology. And how that idiotic ideology is so far removed from reality.
I’ll be honest, most of the time I read something a rightwinger has said (even a so-called moderate rightwinger, such as Bobo), my first reaction is something along the lines of: “Is this satire?”. Unsurprising that the exact opposite response occurs from the other side. Another indication of asymmetrical radicalization.
Elizabelle
@PJM:
I captured these comments on Fleming page, then poof:
Do you have any more satirical news items from The Onion that you would like to post on your page as fact?
DUDE! You can’t tell a real headline from the Onion. Don’t worry about Obama, worry about your job!
Joey Maloney
I just stopped by Congressman Flemball’s page to ask if his staff has to water him regularly, and I see he’s taken down his link to this Onion post. But the sad part is if you read the stuff he’s linked to from ostensible news sites like WND and Fox – “Planned Parenthood’s abortion quotas exposed!” – that Onion piece looks perfectly believable by comparison.
Whatta maroon.
The Fat Kate Middleton
I laughed so hard I aborted my foetus. Thanks, Congressman Babykiller.
Remember this blast from the past?
http://marchtogether2.blogspot.com/2006/07/murder-without-conscience.html
debit
Heres how stupid hot average republican is; Friday a guy came in to drop off his taxes and bit he’d about how much he pays, government waste, yadda yadda yadda. His outrage for the day was for the Met council of mpls for hiring musicians to play at a light rail station to discourage gangs. “can you believe it?” he said. “how many thousands of tax dollars is this costing?” I looked it up; 150 dollars for copyright free recordings. Dumbass.
jayboat
@Southern Beale:
Something tells me that name is gonna stick like glue.
Kidz these days. Always with the lulz.
Villago Delenda Est
@Yevgraf:
I can understand why you’re having problems coming to terms with all that, it’s pretty abominable.
Xjmueller
The only reason this doofus saw it was because onion brought it back during the Komen kerfluffle. The beauty of it is that he now appears in the
“literally unbeleivable” site
http://literallyunbelievable.org/
daize
@Culture of Truth: “Mancenta” sent me into gales of giggles.
pragmatism
@Emma: that’s what the one on my forehead looks like. i’m fine with dying due to my own stupidity, but not theirs.
Elizabelle
@Xjmueller:
You just can’t parody some of these folks. From your “Literally Unbelievable” link.
jibeaux
There’s more than a few “tells” just in the description…such as the EIGHT BILLION dollar price tag. This is someone who ostensibly deals with the federal budget as part of his job…
FlipYrWhig
@Elizabelle: Conservatives just don’t get “humor.” The archetypal conservative joke, I think, is “hey fag, you’re a fag. Just joking.”
barkleyg
REPUG LEADERS ARE SOOOO STUPIDDDD
Hungry Joe
Re $8 billion abortion clinic: I used to love reading Ed Anger in the Weekly World News. One time he called for an end to the electric chair, to be replaced by … electric bleachers! We could execute 50 criminals at a time!
Oh, geez, now I’ve gone and given them an idea …
Cap'n Magic
Hey-if money is fungible, then why is the GOP stone quiet over the $3 Bn we give Israel, given the thousands of legal abortions over there?
Horrendo Slapp (formerly Jimperson Zibb, Duncan Dönitz, Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy, Mumphrey, et al.)
What you said above about these turds thinking liberals like abortion for its own sake is summed up best in this paragraph from the story:
The guy read that, and thought, “Damn! I always knew they just wanted to abort babies for the hell of it! They love doing this shit! Now I have the proof!” This guy really believes that millions of Americans are sadistic baby-killers.
JasonF
Lest we forget, Representative Fleming is also the genius at the heart of this story from back in September:
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/rep-john-fleming-field-criticism-over-600k-income-153305241.html