Once again, The Onion has a story that might as well have come from an actual, real news source, if such had still existed in the US:
Some choice tidbits:
Though hopes for the captive breeding program remain high, many leading political conservationists note the number of optimal habitats for moderate, freethinking Republicans across the country has shrunk drastically, with studies showing the species may never again be able to recover in areas where it has been totally eradicated, such as the South and the GOP caucus in the House of Representatives.As they continue to search for nonextremist conservatives with the vaguest ability to compromise on social issues like abortion in cases of rape and incest, IPPM officials acknowledged they may be fighting a race against time.
“The most difficult task we have is preserving members of this disappearing breed before the desperate need for votes forces them to begin parroting borderline racist anti-immigration ideologies and accusing their opponents of being socialists,” tracker Phil Gandelman said. “We thought we had captured and tagged a truly exemplary specimen a few weeks ago, but when we studied the creature more closely, we realized it was just John McCain.”
So far, the subspecies Western Moderate-looking Republican (Homo Sapiens Huntsmanus) has not been seen in the wild recently, and may in fact be either extinct or in deep hiding in its native habitat in the Wasatch Mountain range.
UPDATE–Again, thanks to Charles Johnson, who is truly doing yeoman’s work over at Little Green Footballs, we learn that Fox News has scrubbed the comments thread on Whitney Houston’s death in its entirety. There was just too much sewage to clean it up. They had to tear it down completely. Shining a light on these “people” and getting them to scurry for the dark like roaches is one thing, but we need to make dealing with the far right wing as toxic as possible, and we do that by exposing their words and their attitudes to the rest of the world. For those that never read the original thread over at Fox, just suffice it to say that it was too embarrassing for the network that used to pay Falafel Bill O’Reilly. It was too toxic for the network that questioned whether or not then-Senator Obama and his wife shared a ‘terrorist fist bump.‘
Our post and thread on the original Foxatrocity can be found here.