From the story on suggested names for the latest GOP attempt to redefine personhood to exclude members of the female gender, we learn, first, that Rep. Hank Johnston, D-Ga, has a sense of humor:
The legislation (H.R. 3541), sponsored by Rep. Trent Franks (R-Ariz.), was originally entitled the “Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass Prenatal Non-discrimination Act of 2011.”
Offended at the use of the names of two civil rights heroes, Rep. Hank Johnson (D-Ga.) offered his own titles for the bill: “The Ronald Reagan Impose Your Beliefs on a Woman’s Womb Act” and “The Tea Party Determines What Rights a Woman Has Act.” (h/t commenter Southern Beale)
We then discover that, hush my mouth, the GOP has something of a divinity problem. I always thought that their monotheism might extend as far as three godheads, but no more. I appear to be mistaken:
Johnson’s statements drew ire from Rep. Steve Chabot (R-Ohio). “The gentleman has just more or less taken Ronald Reagan’s name in vain…”
Oh Reagan dammit, I stubbed my toe.
Oh, for Reagan’s sake, Santorum just surged again.
Oh Reagan, Ron Jr., and Nancy, I can’t believe our republic has descended to these depths.
Just as that earlier Republic revealed itself as a mere facade once the Caesars gained divinity on death, ours may be in even deeper trouble than we thought.
Yup, your modern GOP has indeedt lost its mind.
Image: Giovanni Paolo Panini, An architectural capriccio with figures among Roman ruins, before 1765.
I call Bushshit.
Reagan has reached godly status.
Davis X. Machina
Patris, not Pater, and Fili, not ‘Filius’.
It’s my job, ok?
Gone Outrageously Potty.
I believe that, as with many things, The Onion has proven itself prophetic.
I say you are Lord, and I should know. I’ve followed a few.
Ronald Fucking Reagan!
You’d think that with all those damned commandment statues they want to plaster all over their municipal buildings, schools, public parks, post offices, libraries, Piggly Wiggly’s, Cracker Barrel’s, police precincts, Dairy Queen’s, and monuments to the Confederacy; you would think they’d have Commandments one through three down by now.
Panini was not only a fine painter. He was also an inveterate presser of sandwiches.
@cathyx: By this wing nut Regan is now God and
Godgod is now just one of those other god’s of little importance … if anyone had thought these loons could become more insane, they now stand corrected.
I should have told people I was on the lookout for state rep quotes. the other day somebody here said it would be easy to make a tumblr of nothing but idiocy of state reps, so I thought, hey, why not?
Work safe url and banner on the site.
No, I don’t want to go go back and add the NH magna carta fetishists, but if you hear of any new idiocy, shoot me an email.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
Wingnuts would invoke the name of Michael.
OT: NPR just told me global warming has an upside: Increased access to oil and gas reserves. I think I’ll just go drink quietly till it’s time for me to go to my reward, which I hope is more booze.
@freelancer: The numbering is off. Different religions accept the 10 commandments but number them differently.
I LIKE IT! In cases where I can’t say GOD-DAMN IT from now on I will say REAGAN-DAMN IT.
They really do think of Him as Gawd. And in many ways He is
People worship Him in different ways for things He may or may not have actually done.
People quote Him, even when the quote is irrelevant – or not even His.
People make up shit the He is supposed to have said or done.
People make up positions on issues for Him that he never held and showed no actual agreement with.
People throw money at the outfit He is most associated with in the sick belief that they will gain from it – even though they don’t.
That same organization is full of charlatans, rapists, pederasts, pedophiles, thieves, misogynists, racists and all other manner of scum but are given a pass by the organization because the profess a belief in Him.
I could go on but its dinner time & I am making myself sick Reagan damn it!
@Davis X. Machina: Oy.
Magistra Small would be ashamed of me.
Thanks for the fix, 36 years after my last Latin class
Let me try this out for a moment.
* Sweet jumping Reagan on a trampoline!
* Holy pedaling Ronnie on a moped!
* Ronald Fucking Reagan on a cracker!
@Schlemizel: Ok, but has he appeared on any toast yet, let’s be serious. That or water stains in an underpass.
General Stuck (Bravo Nope Zero)
Not THAT Philadelphia, this Philadelphia
Steve Chabot R/wingnut
I’d say it was a straight up bullseye by MR. Johnson. And check your dictionary, check your dictionary, Mr. Chabot.
@BGinCHI: Also a not insignificant Sanskrit grammarian.
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
This is not the forcing that you seek.
Let me guess–with more terra firma and open water free from the tyranny of ice, we can drill these new areas like Makita-equipped monkeys on a coconut. That’s just GREAT.
I know the numbering is off for different sects (imagine that! The religious state that they all believe the same thing, but can’t agree on shit.)
The wiki article is a mess, so I just went with my common experience of what Catholics were taught.
1. I am the Lord your God, thou shalt have no other Gods before me. (God gets Jealous?! What is he like a bearded Chris Brown deity?)
2. Thou shalt not worship any graven images aka idolatry (And never mind our “Mary” fetish while you’re at it. We just love virgins and she’s the only one we ever found.)
3. Thou shalt not take the Lord your God’s name in vain. (Cause blasphemy laws never hurt anyone, amirite?!)
“Taking Ronald Reagan’s name in vain.” For fuck’s sake.
@trollhattan: It’ll be even better once the oceans have boiled off.
@dslak: The truth is less funny.
Only 350 shopping days left till Reaganmas! Don’t forget to buy gifts for all your loved ones, or the Baby Reagan will have a sad.
Won’t have to. We just cover the Arctic with Space Blankets duct-taped together. They will capture the rising methane.
Revised Scarlett O’Hara; ” As Reagan is my witness, I will never pay taxes again.”
Villago Delenda Est
Ronald Reagan on toastpoints, Steve Chabot is a Reaganstain.
Well, the real Ronald Reagan long ago passed from history into myth, so it’s little surprise that he’s now ascended to the conservative Pantheon.
No doubt our great-grandchildren will hear the heroic tales of how Reagan was navigated through the Labyrinth of Washington where he confronted and slew the TipO’Taur.
Ronald Reaganus is dead?
wonders which Republican politicians Reagan hid his horcruxes in….
No no no no no, he’s outside, looking in.
That would explain Bush fils.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
and the Northwest Passage. Also, too, tourism.
A few words from Jack Kemp.
I quote: “All of them, Katie!”
@maya: I need something, analogous to brain bleach, to use on my eyes.
@MikeJ: I know of five systems. I like the Samaritan version, where the tenth commandment is to build a temple on Mount Gerizim. I don’t know why the other lists don’t include this one, it’s right there in black and white in the Pentateuch. Well, the Samaritan one…
The Church Of Reagan, somebody say AMEN!
@trollhattan: Me likey too:
By the improbable hair of Saint Ronald!
As Ron is my witness.
Ronald H Reagan in a nitro Funnycar!
The prophet Nostradumbass
“As Reagan is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly”.
Ronald H Reagan on a Ritz!
Okay, Hank Johnson has totally redeemed himself for that odd comment about Guam tipping over.
Fix’d fo’ bettah.
But the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the ring of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend, legend became myth
General Stuck (Bravo Nope Zero)
Didn’t he claim that was due to Hep C, or something like that. On the Guam thing.
Slow down, Trigger. Ron is the effete liberal fallen angel. I think you meant to put Michael here.
@General Stuck (Bravo Nope Zero):
Yeah, the Hep or the meds.
I don’t live in his district but I’ve worked with some of his district staff. They are good people and I think Hank is too. The Guam thing was an anomaly.
Also, too, he’s a Buddhist. IANAB but personally I think that is kinda cool in a Member of Congress.
@General Stuck (Bravo Nope Zero): Dear Reagan! Chabot is congressman for my district. A refuse to say he’s my congressman or my representative, because he is not. He is your typical pasty, hair challenged, verminesque rethuglican.
Paul in KY
@JGabriel: The Baby Reagan probably won’t remember…
Paul in KY
@Gian: If that big galoot Isildur had duct-taped the thing to his finger, he wouldn’t have been ‘betrayed’. He knew it could change its size.
Anarion was the smart one…
Rep. Johnson makes the baby Reagon cry.