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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Proof of Life- Tunch Edition

Proof of Life- Tunch Edition

by John Cole|  February 22, 20122:34 am| 48 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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From the comments:

Late to the thread, but after all the Tunch shenanigans, that Cole has a big piece of meat in the crockpot seems like too big of a coincidence.

He better post a pic of that cat with tomorrow’s newspaper or I’m calling the law.

He is fine. I honestly don’t understand how this could actually be a question, because I would take a bullet before anything happened to Tunch or Lily. Even Rosie.

They’re my kids, my wards. I’m responsible for them, and they make life bearable and worth living. My animals make me a human being, and my life without any of them would be demonstrably worse. I define myself internally by my relationships with my kids. It’s part of who I am at this point. I am he as you are me and we are all together. Or something.

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Reader Interactions

48Comments

  1. 1.

    Chuck Butcher

    February 22, 2012 at 2:40 am

    Hmmph, no dated newspaper…

  2. 2.

    Steeplejack

    February 22, 2012 at 2:40 am

    You protesteth too much. Koo-koo-ka-choo.

  3. 3.

    Chuck Butcher

    February 22, 2012 at 2:41 am

    What did the four hundred fifty pound parakeet say?

  4. 4.

    Yutsano

    February 22, 2012 at 2:44 am

    @Chuck Butcher: Anything it wants to.

    Wifey shall be notified. The squee, it shall commence.

  5. 5.

    Chuck Butcher

    February 22, 2012 at 2:45 am

    @Yutsano:
    “Here kitty, kitty…”

    I know, older than dirt.

  6. 6.

    Darkrose

    February 22, 2012 at 2:50 am

    Tunch is definitely the walrus.

  7. 7.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    February 22, 2012 at 2:56 am

    It’s telling that you had to append Rosie to your ‘take a bullet’ list. ;) I would suggest that Tunch would make a great pet centerfold but no magazine could fit him in it. My wife said that she thought she saw Tunch’s shadow the other day but then realized that it was only our fat black cat, Sammy.

    She told me to tell you that one…lol! :)

    We’ve been having so much fun with our new kitteh, Stewie, that while I’ve taken tons of pics I’ve been hoarding them for ourselves. He’s almost four months old now and owns the house. I took to keeping him inside my coat when he was lonely or cold and now it’s his second residence. Last night I was playing TF2 online with the kids and Stewie decided that he wanted to climb inside my coat. Problem was that I wasn’t wearing it but that didn’t deter him from looking for an opening.

    A few claws through the t-shirt later and I was distracted enough from my game to figure out what he was trying to do. I put him up on the desk and he watched the monitor (which he likes to attack on occasion).

    Right now I have a very demanding Manx t(she just jumped up on my mouse pad)elling me that she WANTS to go inside RIGHT NAOW!!

    They own us.

  8. 8.

    Boxer Beater

    February 22, 2012 at 2:57 am

    http://youtu.be/XRfukkBIzeU?t=1m22s

  9. 9.

    Cain

    February 22, 2012 at 2:59 am

    awww… I feel the same way. I miss my KitKat, it’s been almost two years now and we still talk about him just about almost every day. It really feels like you lost a kid or something.

    Yesterday, my wife had left her brown sweater on the bed, and that particular sweater was the one where my cat KitKiat would start his little kneading, so much so that it’s like he’s in a trance, and he’s like drooling and everything. I’ve never seen any cat go so nuts for a piece of clothing. Seriously, it’s like he’s been given weed or something.

    So I can understand how John feels about his pets, I feel the same about mine. But damn, John sure would be a great dad. He really should up his game and go out on some dates.

  10. 10.

    pseudonymous in nc

    February 22, 2012 at 3:05 am

    It was a tease, John, though the subtler tease, perhaps, would be to suggest that you were making the corned beef stew under duress from His Royal Tunchness.

  11. 11.

    Marcellus Shale, Public Dick

    February 22, 2012 at 3:06 am

    funny i always pictured tunch as more of a london broil.

  12. 12.

    WereBear (itouch)

    February 22, 2012 at 3:11 am

    Pets are not children. Actually, dogs are more like children.

    Cats are our friends.

  13. 13.

    asiangrrlMN

    February 22, 2012 at 3:21 am

    I don’t see anything dating this picture, Cole. This could be from ANY TIME AT ALL! I demand a video of Tunchie chewing today’s paper or I call the cops. ::bangs gavel:: Motion passed!

    P.S. Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuunchie! Sooooo cuuuuuuute!

  14. 14.

    Warren Terra

    February 22, 2012 at 3:38 am

    @Chuck Butcher:

    Hmmph, no dated newspaper…

    Indeed. Although I think there’s a more elegant option: a picture of Tunch looking at the front page of Balloon Juice, with his picture on it. In other words, something like The Infinite Cat Project.

  15. 15.

    MikeJ

    February 22, 2012 at 3:39 am

    @asiangrrlMN: The EXIF data on the picture suggests that it was saved at “2012-02-22T02:26:19-05:00”, but look carefully: what’s the program from which it was saved? stEvt:softwareAgent = “Adobe Photoshop CS5 Windows”

    Solid evidence that this picture has been
    duh dah duh!
    Photoshoped.

    Somebody check the crock pot.

  16. 16.

    Comrade Nimrod Humperdink

    February 22, 2012 at 4:28 am

    Loved that last sentence Cole.

    “Yesterday, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed, to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, and that there is no such thing as death. Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather.”

    Bill Hicks

  17. 17.

    freelancer

    February 22, 2012 at 4:31 am

    @Comrade Nimrod Humperdink:

    Hey Walt, did you see the news?!

  18. 18.

    moderateindy

    February 22, 2012 at 4:59 am

    I remember reading about a study a decade or so ago. In it they sat a person in a room and had them sit quietly and relax for a while. They monitored their vitals, blood pressure and others that indicated stress levels. They would then introduce various stimuli into the room. People, even close friends, and family members would all increase stress levels. Even people’s pets, like cats rabbits etc. would increase the levels. The only things that had no noticeable effect was fish.
    Dogs, however; when introduced, actually lowered things like blood pressure and the like to levels lower than that of the person’s “relaxing” levels.

  19. 19.

    Arclite

    February 22, 2012 at 5:10 am

    John, lack of sleep will be the death of you.

  20. 20.

    DanielX

    February 22, 2012 at 5:52 am

    Amazing how that cat looks pissed off from virtually every angle.

  21. 21.

    Hillary Rettig

    February 22, 2012 at 7:57 am

    @WereBear (itouch): Or, as someone recently said in one of my workshops: “Dogs teach us compassion; cats teach us boundaries.” :-)

  22. 22.

    Hillary Rettig

    February 22, 2012 at 7:58 am

    @DanielX: LOL

  23. 23.

    amk

    February 22, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Too defensive. Not convinced.

    Post a pic of Tunch reading today’s WV’s wingnuttiest newspaper

  24. 24.

    deep

    February 22, 2012 at 8:18 am

    John, I’m glad you’ve been posting a lot of non-political things lately. I hope it’s having a positive effect on your blood pressure!

  25. 25.

    WereBear

    February 22, 2012 at 8:40 am

    @Hillary Rettig: MMm, good. I’d have said, “Cats teach us equality.”

  26. 26.

    Punchy

    February 22, 2012 at 8:42 am

    So TPM is offering a internship with the blog….got me thinking….when is Cole gunna offer an internship for BJs?
    And what would that person do? Hard-hitting journamalistic investigations, or share his/her time feeding the beasts and ridding John’s house of fleas and dangerous mops?

  27. 27.

    Skepticat

    February 22, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Being blessed/cursed with a wide hermit streak, I’ve lived alone for years–on a small island with very few neighbors no less. When I still had a home north of Boston, I was adopted (captured) by three cats at various times and was astounded to discover that I’m a cat person. Only one of the cats survives (except in my heart, of course), though I’ll probably try to find another when I return to the States for the summer. After a recent heartbreak when someone from my past returned, changed my attitude toward solitude, but did not stay, I discovered yet again that an affectionate, warm, non-(English)-speaking creature who’s always here really can be largely sufficient for many emotional needs. Perhaps not for normal people, but for me it seems to work.

  28. 28.

    juicetard(aka liberty60)

    February 22, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Had to read this twice before I realized that “Cole has a big piece of meat in the crockpot” wasn’t some urban slang.

  29. 29.

    Poopyman

    February 22, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Jeebus! Do we have to explain to you how snark works?

    Lighten up, Francis. And get some sleep.

  30. 30.

    harlana

    February 22, 2012 at 9:11 am

    it’s not looking like “waking up Tunch every 5 minutes for 18 hours a day” is having the desired effect – he looks pretty well-rested there. just saying.

  31. 31.

    harlana

    February 22, 2012 at 9:15 am

    also, paws sorta half-gripping/half hanging off the edge of couch is sublime. there is nothing in the world quite like paw-curlage or paw-gripping – my kitteh likes to wrap her little pink-toed paw around my hand when petting her head so she can lick my hand, just like a dog. sometimes i just put my finger in her paw to test her grip, just like you do with babies! and, yes, she does have quite a grip, but it’s oh so soft! :)

  32. 32.

    amk

    February 22, 2012 at 9:19 am

    @harlana: Yup. It was a fool’s errand.

  33. 33.

    Rommie

    February 22, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Oh please people, there’s no need to worry about Tunch – do you really think he’d fit into a Crock Pot?

    I would have thought it the get-back-at-Tunch tactic of cooking something yummy for hours and hours and hours and driving the cat crazy(ier).

  34. 34.

    harlana

    February 22, 2012 at 9:26 am

    but, man, the Tunch pics are starting my day off right – also “peekaboo” with Lily hiding under the comforter vid was both necessary and enjoyable – considering we’re having to listen to/read about Santorum and destroying women’s rights on a daily basis, this exercise would also serve as a humanitarian effort.

  35. 35.

    Amir Khalid

    February 22, 2012 at 9:29 am

    @harlana:
    Mine grabs my head in both front paws when she wants to give my scalp a tongue bath, and I’ve long since learned to hold still while Bianca administers cat therapy.

  36. 36.

    schrodinger's cat

    February 22, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Tunch looks like he is disappointed in you.

  37. 37.

    Lynn Dee

    February 22, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Okay, but where’s the cabbage? How’s it doing?

  38. 38.

    harlana

    February 22, 2012 at 10:34 am

    @Amir Khalid: awwwwwwww! she’s groomin’ ya, how sweet! at any rate, resistance is futile. =)

  39. 39.

    maya

    February 22, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Yes, yes, all fine and good, JC. But, in the event of your premature demise which of your wards gets the crockpot?

  40. 40.

    Mnemosyne

    February 22, 2012 at 11:20 am

    @harlana:

    Charlotte is the self-appointed boss of our apartment, and every so often we’ll wake up in the middle of the night to discover she’s decided that it’s bathtime. She gets frustrated with me fairly quickly because my hair is long(ish) and fine, but G gets a fairly thorough grooming.

  41. 41.

    Paul in KY

    February 22, 2012 at 11:23 am

    I think the comment in question was snark.

    Any sane person understands how much you love your pets.

    Also, I don’t think cat goes with cabbage. You are too much a foodie to make that mistake.

  42. 42.

    jpeg

    February 22, 2012 at 11:59 am

    The newspaper is, indeed, in the picture. Tunch, being a cat, is just sitting on it. And Tunch, being Tunch, is just covering the whole thing.

  43. 43.

    moe99

    February 22, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Let’s visit with that Indiana Representative who has doubled down on his comments that the Girl Scouts are a lesbo abortion promoting group!

  44. 44.

    Quaker in a Basement

    February 22, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Frowning cats are among the funniest things in the natural world.

  45. 45.

    BGinCHI

    February 22, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Just for the record, my comment was well-intentioned snark. Which I’m sure John got right away.

    Since Tunch reads the blog and monitors John’s behavior he no doubt posted under duress.

  46. 46.

    Larkspur

    February 22, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    @BGinCHI: I knew the snark, I liked the snark, and anyway, I expected the snark based simply on the Cabbage post’s lead-in

    I know none of you actually gives a shit, but I figured I would babble anyway….

    I think there is an applicable sports metaphor having to do with throwing a plump ball at low velocity in the direction of a guy with a bat. You gotta swing.

  47. 47.

    Steve T.

    February 22, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Quaker: Even funnier is a growling chihuahua.

  48. 48.

    Teresa

    February 22, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    I took my Alaskan Malamute Acheron to the vet last night. Before we left I pumped him up for the visit, “We’re going to see Dr. Beard for your eyes! Yay! Try not to be an asshole, k?”

    He has pink eye.

    Dr. Beard attempts to swab his ears. Acheron growls. Dr. Beard then feeds him dog treats that he really likes. He’s happy, playing love muffin of the universe again and I’m swabbing his ears chatting in a happy voice to him “You just had to be a dickhead, didn’t you?” Dr. Beard laughs.

    Animals can make you a swearing human too. lol

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