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You are here: Home / Past Elections / Election 2012 / Painful to Watch

Painful to Watch

by John Cole|  February 23, 20124:20 pm| 80 Comments

This post is in: Election 2012

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Previous Post: « Because, Why Not? (Open Thread)
Next Post: Personhood Bill Killed: Another Victory for Virginian Vaginas and the Uterati™ (for now) »

Reader Interactions

80Comments

  1. 1.

    Raven

    February 23, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    I’ll show this dickhead one square foot of the bumper of my 66 chevy truck.

  2. 2.

    S. cerevisiae

    February 23, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Mitt tries so hard to emulate a real human.

  3. 3.

    Joseph Nobles

    February 23, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Trapped in a world he never made.

  4. 4.

    Dave

    February 23, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    I would pay $10,000 to get Mitt to say “I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.”

  5. 5.

    Roc

    February 23, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Rather than being caught-out and desperately trying to think of things to claim he ‘loved’, I get the impression he was trying to figure out the political implications of claiming to love any particular thing.

    And that actually strikes me as worse.

  6. 6.

    The Dangerman

    February 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    If I were his campaign manager, I’d embed some electric device in his underwear for each time he went off script and started winging it. And up the voltage as necessary.

  7. 7.

    No One of Consequence

    February 23, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    I love LAMP.

    Ok, maybe not love.

    But it *is* a very stable (and versatile) web solution.

    – NOoC

  8. 8.

    Tonybrown74

    February 23, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    That man NEEDS an enema …

  9. 9.

    MattF

    February 23, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Fails the Turing Test. Not human.Not even close enough to human to make it to the Uncanny Valley.

  10. 10.

    Another Halocene Human

    February 23, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Painful to watch? No, more of a shaggy dog, and the punchline is AFSCME. Brilliant.

    “…We take out your fucking garbage…”

  11. 11.

    JGabriel

    February 23, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Shorter Mitt: I just know I can bond with these humans if we can find common ground — and lakes, and cars, and right-heighted trees.

    .

  12. 12.

    Betty Cracker

    February 23, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    It is painful. Even though I despise these people, their floundering can occasionally move me to pity. Like when Jan Brewer froze up during the debate and started babbling nonsense after a protracted silence.

  13. 13.

    cathyx

    February 23, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    That was funny. It’s like he’s trying to think of some more “Michigan” things to say that he loves. And looking around for a clue.

  14. 14.

    hhex65

    February 23, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    @Joseph Nobles: heh, R-Money = Howard the Duck Movie

  15. 15.

    Baud

    February 23, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    It reminds me a little of that awful Rick Perry speech in New Hampshire. Not quite that bad, but in the same genre.

  16. 16.

    fasteddie9318

    February 23, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who immediately thought of Brick when I saw that clip the first time.

  17. 17.

    grape_crush

    February 23, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    “Mitt, are you just naming things you see in the state and saying you love them?”

    A great way to highlight Romney’s tendency to adapt himself to whatever audience he happens to be standing in front of.

    Oh, and this Charlie Pierce piece on Romney is interesting, ‘specially the numbers at the end.

  18. 18.

    WaterGirl

    February 23, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    @JGabriel: OT, but did you see the image of “dog on car” and “man on dog” yesterday at the Guardian’s life blog? I dug up the original BJ thread where you came up with that, and posted it on the debate thread on BJ, but i didn’t actually contact the guardian.

  19. 19.

    Thoughtcrime

    February 23, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Romney’s just preparing for his place in the Hall of Presidents:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF0j69pAM7g&feature=related

  20. 20.

    Citizen Alan

    February 23, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    @Betty Cracker:

    Sadly, it ceased to be either funny or pitiable when Brewer was reelected.

  21. 21.

    MarkJ

    February 23, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    The trees are the right height? I’m from Michigan and, although I love the State, I never noticed anything particularly special about the height of the trees.

    Must take a cyborgs extra-accurate optical lenses to discern that Michigan’s trees are just the right height in comparison to, say, Massachusetts’s.

  22. 22.

    grape_crush

    February 23, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    @fasteddie9318: I thought Milton Waddams, but Brick Tamland is a much better fit.

  23. 23.

    noodler

    February 23, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    It’s the syntax, stupid. Who says “one square foot of car” How about Bumper, fender, hood ornament?
    Who says I’ll bet you ten thousand dollars?
    Who says I’m a severe conservative?
    Where does he come up with these sayings? They’re not in our vernacular

  24. 24.

    Baud

    February 23, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    @Betty Cracker:

    Even though I despise these people, their floundering can occasionally move me to pity.

    Next time, watch the clip while undergoing a state-mandated trans-vaginal ultrasound. It’ll cure that pity thing right up. ;)

  25. 25.

    Mark S.

    February 23, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    I love American cars so much I wanted to see the industry go down the toilet.

  26. 26.

    srv

    February 23, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    I always felt the same about Romney Ronnie.

  27. 27.

    Martin

    February 23, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    We need to send him to a Michigan NAACP conference so he can tell us how he loves that all Michiganders are just the right shade of brown.

  28. 28.

    gogol's wife

    February 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    @Betty Cracker:

    I pity only those of us who know better but have to share a country with idiots who would even consider voting for people like Brewer and Romney.

  29. 29.

    BerkeleyMom

    February 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    OMG this is cringe worthy. The only thing worse would be watching him dance.

  30. 30.

    MarkJ

    February 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Better that American cars rule the world than Mitt Romney.

  31. 31.

    Southern Beale

    February 23, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Umm … HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I don’t know if this is for real or not but if it is, Romney should be TOAST.

    $10 mil for a cabinet post???

  32. 32.

    Culture of Truth

    February 23, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Romney’s problem is syntax

    Santorum’s problem is sin tax

  33. 33.

    WaterGirl

    February 23, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Mitt kind of reminded me of cocker spaniel of old. If she wanted something, she would sit, lie down, offer her paw, roll over…

    She would try each thing in turn, desperately trying to figure out what I wanted so she could do it and get whatever it was.

    It felt like Mitt was throwing stuff out there, desperately hoping for some response he hoped to get from his Michigan Love. He was trying so hard, it really was hard to watch. Cringe-worthy. Mitt, you’re trying too hard, and that’s really un-cool.

  34. 34.

    Culture of Truth

    February 23, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    “If you were a tree, what height would you be?”

  35. 35.

    Suffern ACE

    February 23, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    @Southern Beale: I’ll go with hoax. While caribbean island ambassadorships are nice, they aren’t as nice as ambassadorships to major US allies. I wouldn’t pay $1,000,000 to be the Ambassador to Aruba. I would want Paris or London for that kind of dough and they are selling those off for $600,000.

    Carribean Island nations are also more plentiful than major US allies. Supply and demand should set the price.

  36. 36.

    Southern Beale

    February 23, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    @Suffern ACE:

    Yeah you’re probably right. Here I got all excited. Ah well.

  37. 37.

    Jesse

    February 23, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    @Southern Beale: On what authority could the PAC make such an offer? Wouldn’t that kind of thing—if it were real at all—need to come directly from the Romney campaign? It comes off to me as a “former Nigerian king”-type email. It smells bogus.

  38. 38.

    scav

    February 23, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Pander­Pander­Pander­DotThePartsOfMichigan­Pander­Pander­Pander­RightHeight­Pander­Pander and then the quick “I want to do well.”

    We hear you’re running for election too. Can’t have you not liking things under those circumstances, hope nope nope.

  39. 39.

    Mark S.

    February 23, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Wow, where did you find that? Are they usually this blatant about this shit? I’m having a hard time believing it’s real.

    Also, too, wouldn’t being an ambassador to “a major US ally” be a hell of a lot more prestigious than an ambassador to a Caribbean country?

  40. 40.

    Uncle Cosmo

    February 23, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    @Joseph Nobles: T&R’d for the Howard the Duck reference. To paraphrase the first line I ever read of that anything-but-featherbrain (it’s the opening panel of one of the comix), Mitt

    came back to Michigan to nurse an old memory & discovered the patient had died.

  41. 41.

    MikeJ

    February 23, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    @Suffern ACE: I’d also go with hoax. Sadly, having people screaming about a hoax means everybody gets to ignore the real thing when evidence appears.

  42. 42.

    Calouste

    February 23, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    @Southern Beale:

    It says “parody” in small grey letters at the bottom right. It might be a clue.

  43. 43.

    Mark S.

    February 23, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    @Suffern ACE:

    I would think France would qualify as a major US ally, but Mitt might declare war on them.

  44. 44.

    Rafer Janders

    February 23, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    @Southern Beale:

    It’s a fake.

  45. 45.

    Drive-By Nomad

    February 23, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    Pssst…. Rmoney can’t speak without a teleprompter. Pass it on.

  46. 46.

    Betty Cracker

    February 23, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    @noodler: Good point about the car thing. Bumper, fender, hood ornament — tail light, god help us, yes. “Square foot,” no. Makes me want to send the bastard a close-up of 1/8th of a 1967 Camaro hood and see what he makes of that monochromatic, featureless square. You’re right. Who the hell says that?

  47. 47.

    Mark S.

    February 23, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    @Calouste:

    Well, it’s hard to see.

  48. 48.

    scav

    February 23, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Someday there will be a Nigerian Prince with a sense of humor and they will own the internets. Because access to a bank number was all that was missing from that thing and it might even work.

  49. 49.

    Violet

    February 23, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    @Southern Beale:
    Where did you find that? Doesn’t seem like it could be real.

  50. 50.

    JGabriel

    February 23, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    @WaterGirl:

    @JGabriel: OT, but did you see the image of “dog on car” and “man on dog” yesterday at the Guardian’s life blog?

    I did not, but thank you for pointing it out. I’ll take a look at it later.

    .

  51. 51.

    kooks

    February 23, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    @Southern Beale: there’s a very light colored watermark on the bottom that says parody.

  52. 52.

    sock puppet

    February 23, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    If I recall correctly, the Steve Carell character in Anchorman Romney is being compared to here, sired 11 children and became a top aide to President Bush. So Mitt probably feels a certain kinship to him. He, too, probably once ate a
    “chocolate squirrel”.

  53. 53.

    redshirt

    February 23, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    LOUD NOISES!

  54. 54.

    Eric S.

    February 23, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    Jalopnik is on the 1 square foot case.

  55. 55.

    Culture of Truth

    February 23, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    What is not a hoax is Romney’s career helping Marriott cheat on their taxes with a bunch of illegal, fraudulent schemes, including phony tax credits and a dummy corporation in Luxemburg.

  56. 56.

    feebog

    February 23, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    the word “extemporaneous” is apparently not in the Rommeybot 3000 word file.

  57. 57.

    dmsilev

    February 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    Question: If someone gave Mitt Romney a lobotomy, would he start singing ‘Daisy, Daisy’?

  58. 58.

    kasnarski

    February 23, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    @southern beale:

    $420,000 for drug czar?

    LOL…there’s your answer

  59. 59.

    kasnarski

    February 23, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    are newbies always in moderation for a period of time to establish worthiness or will I forever be stuck in moderation hell on this site?

  60. 60.

    FuriousPhil

    February 23, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    As a Michigander, I could maybe see this guy fitting in with some Oakland county types – Birmingham, Troy. If he’s trying to connect with the rest of us, well…Mitt is like the man who comes from nowhere, any regional charm is scoured away in a facade of bland.

    Some pointers Mitt – tell them you like Vernors, pasties (sort of U.P. pot pies, not stripper accessories), deer hunting up past M-46, jacked up off road trucks, and Mackinaw fudge next time.

    This is like the rock band that forgets what city they’re in. “Hello, Detroit!” “THIS IS CLEVELAND!” “Nice trees you guys have here!” “THEY HAVE THOSE EVERYWHERE!”

  61. 61.

    cathyx

    February 23, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    @kasnarski: No, just repost it without the naughty things that put it in moderation.

  62. 62.

    amk

    February 23, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Of all things to pick, this phony phucker had to go with phucking trees.

  63. 63.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    February 23, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    @Southern Beale:

    Umm … HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I don’t know if this is for real or not but if it is, Romney should be TOAST.

    I think it would be irresponsible to not assume it’s real.

  64. 64.

    Citizen_X

    February 23, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    @Culture of Truth: If I’m ever in the same room as Romney and I hear him say, “Let me tell you about my mother,” I’m diving for cover.

  65. 65.

    gbear

    February 23, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Well at least Rmoney didn’t make a point about how much he loved all of Michigan’s beautiful ash trees.

  66. 66.

    Violet

    February 23, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    @kasnarski:
    Your first post goes into moderation until you get cleared. I think that may apply if you change your name or email address too.

    After that, it’s the usual suspects that send you to mod: mention of certain games, and the venues in which they are played, in places like Las V e gas. The common name for footwear. Med i cations men take to assist with performance in the bedroom. Soshulism. Etc.

  67. 67.

    harlana

    February 23, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    what about pie? does he like pie?

  68. 68.

    chrome agnomen

    February 23, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    frankly, i wish all the right=wing candidates could be described as ‘car-on-man’.

  69. 69.

    Triassic Sands

    February 23, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    I watched. I listened. I vomited.

    What a complete waste of DNA.

  70. 70.

    lacp

    February 23, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    @noodler: It finally came to me where I had heard this kind of weirdness before. Remember some years back when computer-generated poetry was a novelty? This shit sounds just like that.

  71. 71.

    West of the Rockies (formerly Frank W.)

    February 23, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    Wow… just wow…. Okay, not breakin’ any new ground here, but what a pathetic, desperate robot. Does this guy love anything besides his own voice, hair and money?

  72. 72.

    WaterGirl

    February 23, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    @West of the Rockies (formerly Frank W.): I believe Mitt is quite fond of his broad shoulders, since he references them quite often.

  73. 73.

    Brandon

    February 23, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    So when does DOJ raid AFCME, freeze their accounts and confiscate their computers for copyright infringement?

  74. 74.

    Marcellus Shale, Public Dick

    February 23, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    @J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford:

    i wanna see the long-form price list before i judge.

  75. 75.

    Nancy Irving

    February 23, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    Notice how R-Money refers to the “brand” rather than the “make” of cars? That should go over big in MI.

  76. 76.

    Librarian

    February 23, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    This reminds me of….Lamp Monster!!!!!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nc7ZaZz4CoU

  77. 77.

    Jebediah

    February 24, 2012 at 12:54 am

    @Betty Cracker:

    Even though I despise these people, their floundering can occasionally move me to pity.

    Yeah, I have that same condition…

  78. 78.

    Jebediah

    February 24, 2012 at 12:56 am

    @MarkJ:

    Must take a cyborgs extra-accurate optical lenses to discern that Michigan’s trees are just the right height in comparison to, say, Massachusetts’s.

    I grew up in Massachusetts. Fucking wrong-heighted trees are everywhere there! It’s why I had to move to California.

  79. 79.

    Blue Lanterne

    February 24, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    And he even manages to slide in a touch of xenophobia, what a pro.

    Thank goodness no one asked him to describe good things he remembered about his mother.

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    February 24, 2012 at 9:15 am

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