A lot has been made of the fact that Romney’s campaign (“Boston”) — and the Republican primary in general — has been a dreary, joyless affair. Sometimes, I see speculation that a real “rockstar” like Chris Christie or Marco Rubio could make the party get happy (!!). But, even more than usual, the Republican platform is about telling everyone who isn’t an older, church-going, white man to suck on this. Is there a way to make “suck on this” into a cheerful campaign slogan?
“Morning in America” meant if the strapping young bucks have to suck on this enough, things will be great for everyone else, just like they were in the ’50s, so clearly there’s some way to make this approach work, but right now the Republican strategy is 1. Tell most of the population to suck on this. 2 ? 3. Profit. I pray to Tebow that they can’t find a way to fill in step number 2 between now and November.
TenguPhule
If elected, Blowjobs for all!
SATSQ.
Poopyman
Yeah, pretty much. So even if I came up with the perfect strategery for ’em, I’m not gonna be announcing it.
So in that spirit:
“Can’t Quit Mitt” – for the Brokeback Republicans
… thinking … thinking ….
Hunter Gathers
The could fill #2 and still get their asses kicked. Unless they stop the Hispanic bashing they are fucked in national elections. And that’s not going to happen anytime soon.
Joey Maloney
Hire Traci Lords to say it?
Martin
White power!
Joey Maloney
Boy, we’re predictable.
beltane
Why do you hate America?
Jewish Steel
I don’t see a way to square that circle.
But I can see a lot of enthusiasm generating over a Great White Hope narrative.
Willard? Spooky.
@Martin: As usual, Martin says it with fewer words.
dmsilev
Here’s a scary thought: Let’s assume Romney wins the nomination and goes on to lose the election in November. Standard Republican procedure is that the runner-up in one primary more or less automatically becomes the front runner in the next. Which means meet Rick Santorum, 2016 front runner.
kd bart
Burning down The Reichstag has already been tried.
c u n d gulag
GOP POV:
‘”America in Mourning…”
For our lost God-given rights as white men to dominate everything and everyone in our path.’
We’ll motivate people by making them nostalgic for those better days, when the darkies and little ladies knew their place!
Joey Maloney
With no incumbent. I think my heart just skipped a beat.
…Who will be running for Dem nomination in ’16, do you suppose? You think our SecState still has higher ambitions? I’m pretty sure Biden’s not going to be interested.
Tractarian
They won’t find #2 by themselves, but they might have #2 dropped right into their laps.
It involves Israel bombing Iran, oil prices skyrocketing, and the economic recovery stalling or reversing.
The GOP’s hopes for winning the White House this year rest entirely and exclusively on that scenario playing out.
scav
@dmsilev: The scary bit being that we’ll have to listen to him for that much longer I presume. A slow-moving conveyor belt of proven losers in a party that is moving toward flavor of the week does not rank high on my personal nightmare index. I may just lack imagination.
TenguPhule
I believe the counterplan is to declare martial law, arrest the Republican Party as Enemy Combatants and march them off to the processing plants as Soylent Red.
tcinaz
You know how in logic it’s not possible to prove a negative because it doesn’t exist. This is true of the benefit of any Republican policy they can campaign on to the people who don’t donate at least a million their way. There is none, so they really can only speak for and to a small population. Not an easy way to get a message out.
Comrade Dread
Sure. “Every man for himself”. You know, the central message of Buddhism.
And once Breitbart’s successors release Obama’s secret connections to the London Underground, it’ll all be over.
Poopyman
@Joey Maloney: Well, this is something I’ve been pondering for some time. We’ve got no high-profile back bench, to speak of.
Both Clinton and Obama burst on the national scene at the prior convention, so it’ll be interesting to see who the speakers are going to be. One will no doubt be Elizabeth Warren, but even if she wins MA I can’t see her running for POTUS.
JPL
Is it time to guess the VP? The Governor of VA is still my first choice because a strong state turnout could help the repubs win the Senate seat and turn the state to red. If the repubs were concerned about Latinos, they would have showed it already, but just in case they might choose Susana Martinez, Governor of NM. Long shot is Tim Tebow because if Peyton ends up in Denver, Tebow will be looking for a job.
beltane
@Tractarian: Yeah, the GOP’s hopes rest exclusively on brown people behaving badly somewhere in the world.
Tractarian
@Joey Maloney:
Apparently Andrew Cuomo will be the unstoppable juggernaut in the 2016 primaries. Can’t say I like Rih’s chances against him. But I’m sure the Dems could do better.
pragmatism
i imagine that sarah will be sitting outside the convention center in tampa, wearing a prom dress and waiting for her song to be played so she can make an entrance and broker the heck out of that convention.
maya
Yeah, doing the #2 has always been harder than doing the #1 for old white men without prostate problems.
schrodinger's cat
Bobo with a PhD (Charles Murray) has a column in NYT this morning. BS on steroids. It is about how to make the upper class less isolated or something like that.
Martin
@Jewish Steel: Let’s be honest, that’s their actual message. They’re just afraid to say it aloud.
handy
@Comrade Dread:
Somebody caught him down in the Tube station at midnight?
Snarki, child of Loki
I would bet that Santorum is at least 50% of “#2”.
And yes, you can read that more than one way.
scav
@Poopyman: What’s Sheldon Whitehouse been doing? He seemed fairly solid when he flitted across my field of view.
Brachiator
@Joey Maloney:
I sincerely hope not. I am as tired of the Clintons as I am of the Bushes.
@c u n d gulag: GOP
Or, from Morning in America to Mourning for America.
But I think that the GOP will dutifully line up behind Mitts. I look for a charismatic (GOP style) VP choice. Mitt will promise every American $10,000 and a job.
elmo
@Tractarian:
Head over to the open sewer that is FreeWhiteRepublic, and you’ll see whole threads devoted to how Bibi can totally pwn the Magic Negro in the White Hut by dragging us into war with Iran this summer. And how that would be the awesomest thing evar, because winning an election is totally worth going to war and destroying the economy. Totally.
Joey Maloney
@Poopyman:
If she wins MA I like her for ’20, though.
schrodinger's cat
@beltane: It could also be slightly darker white people (Spain and Greece) causing havoc, if they leave the Eurozone. What will happen to the Euro as a currency? Remember folks that the CDSs and CDOs very only 8% of the derivatives markets while the interest rate derivatives and foreign exchange derivatives are about 80% of the OTC derivatives market.
Poopyman
How about
“Mitt! He’s -not- just for white people anymore!”
elmo
@Comrade Dread:
Apes don’t read philosophy!
Jewish Steel
@Martin: Totes. What else have they got?
schrodinger's cat
@Martin: Hate groups are on a rise.
Democratic Nihilist, Keeper Of Party Purity
A party of lemon-sucking closeted prudes who are focused on cock-blocking all of America will be nothing – indeed, could be nothing else – but “a dreary, joyless affair.”
Yutsano
@Tractarian: Oh how I lurve inevitability.
My money’s on O’Malley, the governor of Maryland. Hugely popular and a great speaker. He’d make a great contrast to Frothy Mixture.
Joey Maloney
@elmo:
Yes they do, they just don’t understand it!
Poopyman
@Joey Maloney: Oh, I like her a lot, but she’s way to the right of the current POTUS, and I think she’d have a real problem pulling in independents.
Of course, my political instincts may well be shit, but at least you’re getting what you paid for my opinion.
negative 1
Devil’s advocacy because it’s so nice here I’m feeling charitable
Once upon a time the GOP conventional wisdom goes that the ‘silent majority’ stood up to a powerful minority. Obviously that a.) isn’t true and b.) is oversimplified, but still – realizing that you’re not alone and that someone else shares your concerns is a cheerful message. Ever since then, the GOP is trying to reclaim that magic. Even if you buy the narrative, the same message won’t work. 27% is not a majority, and since now propaganda is 24/7 it’s totally impossible to feel isolated in your beliefs. But, they’re still reading from the same playbook. I think that is why the punditocracy believes that there may be a change coming for the GOP. Every year they’ve doubled down on the playbook, and it seems to work less well every year. They may still win (primaries are not the same as the general) but every year it seems they need to try harder to get less results.
Another Halocene Human
@schrodinger’s cat: Easy solution: income redistribution.
There. Fixd.
Poopyman
@Yutsano: Sigh. Look, I live in MD, and I’m at least as Irish as O’Malley, but I just can’t get excited about the guy. I dunno why, I just can’t.
Tone In DC
@TenguPhule:
LULz.
muddy
Not when they are against sluts.
In my family there’s a term, “being the foix gras goose”. This implies you have to keep swallowing or drown. That’s choice, baby!
Elie
I think that the Republicans made several fatal errors over the last decade or so:
1. The southern strategy that worked so well for Nixon and subsequent Republicans, splitting up the white middle and working class and destroying the effectiveness of unions, has played out and they haven’t replaced it with a winning strategy for a heterogeneous population which is making the side white game less relevant
2. The Republican party was changed into a members only social club rather than a political party that has to pay attention to a more representative constituency. Instead, they doubled down, driving out diverse opinions and members for the even more narrow, restrictive values of the Christianists and tribal whites who want white power and hegemony. It appears that unbelievably, they are on the verge of pushing out the old money boys also as they verge on rejecting Romney.
3. What’s the goal? Their goal of walling themselves off from the real United States really can’t work as the minority. If they were going to do that, the formal levers of the military and big business would have had to stay under their control. Yes, they influence but the influence is waning as these two organs of our government and economy become more afraid of the social culturists who they can no longer control.
Anyway — just my two cents!
Brachiator
@elmo:
You obviously have not seen Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
Xecky Gilchrist
@TenguPhule: If elected, Blowjobs for all!
It’s been tried!
Another Halocene Human
@negative 1: But their playbook worked well very recently. We’ve had 30 years of accelerating income redistribution from everyone else to the top .1% with the knowing complicity of much of the middle class, thinking that they, too, would be fabulously wealthy tomorrow.
No, I think the billionaires have showed their hand and the rubes have gotten a nasty wakeup call. Trying to kill unions? Suddenly you saw people in the streets who slept through the midterm election. Ouch.
Also, too, they are reaping the whirlwind from their cynical alliance with the Religious Right. They married them back in 1980, kept the IRS out of their hair as they distributed voter guides in church and fanned the flames of anti-abortion and anti-gay rhetoric. For a generation, RR operatives have been moving up within the party organization to the point where Mittens, supposedly the establishment guy, lacks boots on the ground, while a no-money loser like Santorum has a miraculous army… the tax-dodging church army. IOW, the GOP is fucked. Too late for a divorce.
Elie
I will add as I have stated in other comments that the Republican mainstream leadership probably wants these folks to burn the thing down to the ground so that they can start fresh… there is no fixing this thing now… the inmates are still flinging poo and breaking up the furniture…When they have to stop (after the big upcoming defeat), there will be a real Republican bloodbath/housecleaning IMHO.
MikeJ
@negative 1:
Don’t believe it. Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, The Washington Times, CNN, David Brooks, CATO, George Will, Michelle Malkin, the Ol’ Perfessor, Eric Ericson and the whole gang at Redstate are telling people that they are absolutely alone and the boogie man is coming to them.
Shawn in ShowMe
Joey Maloney:
Martin O’Malley, the handsome, likable, lib-eral governor of Maryland is straight out of central casting. Andrew Cuomo is going to be a factor but he might want to get married between now and 2016 to jibe with the presidential archetype. If Claire McCaskill can nail down a second term and the economy continues to recover, she could ride Obama’s coattails into a presidential run.
I agree with folks who consider Cory Booker presidential material but I don’t think a move from the burned out burg of Newark, NJ to the White House is realistic. He’s going to have make a stop at the state house or governor’s mansion first.
fasteddie9318
Interestingly, “suck on this” is what Kirk Cameron says to gay men all the time. Sometimes it means what Tom Friedman used it to mean, and sometimes it means he’s got something upon which he’d like some man to please suck.
Another Halocene Human
I don’t think there’s any ideological purity among Republicans (except in the Religious Right, where extremism is no vice). They were for their positions before they were against them. I think it’s a hatred of compromise that eliminates the moderates. It’s war, they want to win! Authoritarianism radix.
fasteddie9318
@TenguPhule: Blowjobs for some, miniature American flags for others!
Quincy
@Yutsano
From the little I know, I’d be happy with O’Malley. More so than with Cuomo or Mark Warner, who I suspect will be the two centrist frontrunners.
Schlemizel
@dmsilev:
I’m counting on this. The worst thing that could happen now is for one of the wingnut legion to get the nomination. They’d get their ass kicked & the GOP would say it was because they went too far right & start looking for a nicer smile to put on their face for 2016.
Once Willard gets his ass kicked the wingnut rebellion will be in full out loony mode. They will demand & get something like ol frothy giving the Dems a great shot at ’16 and further damaging the GOP brand. This is my prayer
noodler
@Joey Maloney: Too early to speculate, but perhaps Andrew Cuomo?
trollhattan
Cheery Willard thinks college is priced right, and cheapskate students need to go to discount schools.
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/03/mitt-pay-for-your-own-damn-college.html
Tom
Can’t you see that he is only the imposter?
Another Halocene Human
@Elie:
But will they??? Who’s in charge? And that is a vital question because the GOP is a cesspool of grifters looking for marks and marks looking for a Fearless Leader, so without a leader the movement collapses and the grifters will go where the money is (back in the Democratic party, if necessary).
If you are a big money boy (they’re all boyzzz) and you and your cronies execute a coup at the RNC, your boots on the ground still will be a bunch of death-cult nihilist crazies. How do you not end up with a repeat of 2012?
Schlemizel
@Joey Maloney:
just curious, how old wills he be in 20?
Shawn in ShowMe
@Poopyman:
According to Christian mythology, Jesus Christ remarked, “no prophet is welcome in his hometown.” Similarly, there are more Andrew Cuomo fans outside of New York City than there are inside it.
New Yorker
Speaking of Tebow, I really want to see what happens if Denver signs Peyton Manning. I’m guessing Santorum makes it into a campaign issue and frames it as another example of radical leftist oppressing Christians in this country.
Another Halocene Human
@Another Halocene Human: I think the successful GOP frontrunner will find a way to get the highly motivated Paul operatives on their side. I guess that means winking and nodding towards libertarian positions to give embarrassed Republicans cover for voting for you. The problem is, nobody wants to do that because Paul doesn’t get the votes b/c terrified authoritarian followers want to hear that warWARwarWAR rhetoric. How to thread the needle and do both? I mean, Obama is obviously trying, but the indies aren’t buying it. (Doesn’t look like he needs them this election b/c of the contraception brouhaha, however. Sorry, Greenwald, you are rendered irrelevant. It has been pointed out that GG had not a peep to say about the whole thing. Dunno cuz I don’t follow him.)
Another Halocene Human
@Shawn in ShowMe:
S*** F*** C*** M*****-****** ANDREW CUOMO!!!!
And I’m not even from NYS.
I would vote for his brother, though.
IM
@scav:
Whitehouse to the Whitehouse!
With this predestined slogan he can’t lose.
Another Halocene Human
Easy for you to say, after you cut funding to state schools. Eat a bag of lightly salted rat dicks, you c*nty w*nker.
Yutsano
@Another Halocene Human: First Lady Sandra Lee. Nuff said.
MikeJ
@Tom:
He may be, but republicans think is he gets in clowntime is over.
Another Halocene Human
@fasteddie9318:
Like, in the park? Because I’d heard there were croco-duck sightings in the wild, and, well, it would be irresponsible not to speculate.
Shawn in ShowMe
@Another Halocene Human:
After the humbling of Rush Limbaugh and the Tea Bagger inspired-chaos of the last two years, Grover Norquist becomes the head of the GOP by default. Somebody has to establish order and he’s the only guy that has a plan that speaks to Reagan-worshipping wingnuts and the money guys who just want to run things.
Quincy
@dmsliv:
I think Santorum will only be the nominal front runner until about 2014, kind of like Palin was this time around. He’ll be eclipsed by the more fawned-over nutjobs that skipped the clown car this time around. Christie and Jindal are possibilities, though I think the base won’t be happy with either. Rubio will be the interesting test case. What is more powerful, the party’s desire to have a photogenic winner on their team or their rejection of his non-whiteness?
wasabi gasp
Lemonade!
wrb
@Elie:
Things are working out pretty damn well so far.
They own the media, Rush and News Corp have got much of the working class indoctrinated, the own the “science” of economics, they’ve won the debate on climate change, the income redistribution machinery is running snickety boo…
What do they care if the rubes do or don’t get abortions? The poo flinging is just a distraction. The implementation of the master plan couldn’t be more successful.
jibeaux
@trollhattan: I wonder if Mittens is aware that most of the better-priced universities are called PUBLIC UNIVERSITIES, and that the price tag is going up all the time.
jibeaux
@Yutsano: Ha. The anti-obesity campaign would lose its anti.
Another Halocene Human
@MikeJ:
It’s funny, I know someone who is addicted to O’Reilly Factor but doesn’t fit that profile. I really think my O’Reilly-loving friend watches that shit to avoid cognitive dissonance. He was in love with Reagan, switched parties for him, totally bought into “Morning in America” (and thinks he’s not racist but totally is… laziest guy I know but thinks his black coworkers are “goldbrickers”). His dad was a classic Republican who owned a car dealership (I know, right?) but my friend hated Nixon, so… anyway, he HAS to watch his O’Reilly hour. And O’Reilly is nothing but boobies and calling people pinheads. Two things my friend loves. He loves the fantasy of the “no-spin zone”, ie, no, there’s no cognitive dissonance, you were right all along and still are. This guy has a degree in psychology, btw. And he’s very compassionate towards the people he counsels at his church, but he lacks even a shred of insight.
I think he has some sense the world is against him, but he’s Catholic and that’s just a given. No, it’s not about being scared and alone for him. It’s about never having to say you’re sorry. Believing you’re important, when you’re actually a little guy. Not feeling guilty about having when others have not.
geg6
Well, I just watched the trailer for our own “Morning in America” film:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXtJhLUOFXE&feature=player_embedded
Another Halocene Human
@wrb:
You know, that kills me. Academe is full of conservatives, even conservative ideologues, but all you hear is screaming over women’s studies (which wouldn’t exist if students didn’t have a hunger for it… and if the conservatives in the academy hadn’t forced such topics into a ghetto in the first place).
You know something’s wrong when finance professors can explain the macro-economy better than 98% of economics professors. (Nouriel Roubini excepted.)
It’s not just the lack of alternative media but the lack of alternative thought.
Shawn in ShowMe
@wrb:
I’d argue that the “they” in your statement is multi-national corporations, not the leadership of the Republican party. I agree that the implementation of their master plan has been hugely successful. And until capitalism is overthrown or collapses under its own weight, that will continue to be the case.
The trick is getting capitalism to function more like it did before the Reaganites took office. The Occupy movment’s reintroduction of class war into the public consciousness was a good start. We’re getting a nice assist from Bain Cyborg Model #1040’s gaffes as well. I haven’t been this hopeful in a looooong time.
Another Halocene Human
@Shawn in ShowMe:
Now that is a scary thought. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought there was some trouble in Bubbleland recently with some Republicans standing up to him? Or did I only hallucinate that?
as we wait in joyful hope
for the coming of our savior,
the downfall of N’rquist–
AMEN, AMEN, A-A-A-AMEN!
/Irish Catholic
Another Halocene Human
@Shawn in ShowMe:
Jesse Ventura for Trust-Buster In Chief?
fasteddie9318
@Another Halocene Human: Norquist married a Fake Nationality Satanist (Palestinian Muslim, tomato, tomahto), which is obviously a grievous sin for which he will stand in judgment when the Almighty Reagan returns to separate the Americans from the commie hippies.
Another Halocene Human
Ugh, part of what went wrong when the Progressives (yeah, the old-school, embarrassing crazy ones) reformed the country at the point of a pitchfork is that they let the trust babies keep their money. Oh, it was supposed to be split up by the estate tax after a couple of generations had passed, but that was the mousehole through which the elephant was passed…
Years later, they, and their parasites (tax lawyers, accountants, pols) got a little law changed that let them escort their multi-generational trusts past the taxman once again. Oh, nobody else could avail themselves of this loophole, just them. And then it was closed.
It’s not just the corporations that need to be reined it. It’s these trusts. If the little people can’t pass money that way, then the big dogs shouldn’t be able to either. I say three generations and kapow! IRS chow. (Founder, children, grandchildren.) And no more “charities” where 95% is lavished on the establishers. That’s rank abuse of the tax code.
Another Halocene Human
@Yutsano:
Hold up, now–I see tremendous comedic potential here.
wrb
@Another Halocene Human:
A new trust busting era is what we need, however I do wonder whether “they” have got it figured out this time and through buying the media and the relevant academic fields the own too much of consensus truth.
I consider the Kotches and Murdochs to be the most visible of the “they.”
Could populists take back the Republican party? Dunno, seems like on fiscal issues, “they” have taken the party’s soul.
catclub
Yes they do, they just don’t understand it.
Comrade Dread
Fixed that for you.
Tony J
Trawling through the Wingnutosphere last night I found out that the Teabag Army – Purity Sure Is Purty Wing, are confident that the doomed candidacy of Willard R-Money will herald a magical new dawn for True Conservatives. It runs something like this.
1) Purge the Big Business types from the GOP, who then migrate to the Democratic Party.
2) ??
3) The revamped GOP wins big for the next generation as Populists of all stripes abandon the Democrats for the Party of Main Street.
Apparently this makes sense because America is a 20/40/40 nation and they only need to attract 11% of the middle 40% in order to guarantee eternal victory. Other, equally nutty but more realistic, wingnuts spent some time crying into their laps while bemoaning that they didn’t think the plan would work because, y’know, it is kind of stupid.
They are all, BTW, pretty much convinced that Obama is going to get a second term. This Primary Season hasn’t exactly filled them with much elan, however they may bluster whilst trolling less Wingnut friendly sites.
wrb
@Another Halocene Human:
Exactly.
Although there should be a cap, even on the fist generation. Ain’t no one that needs to inherent more than $5m
Brachiator
@Shawn in ShowMe:
And replaced with what? The Progressive Rapture?
Julie
@New Yorker: Radical Leftist Peyton Manning? I had trouble even typing that without bursting into laughter… but I guess some folks will believe anything.
trollhattan
@geg6:
I’m afraid to de-boat. It doesn’t have Obama rappelling down from a black helicopter in Abbottabad by any chance, does it?
S. cerevisiae
For 2016, what about the Montana governor Schweitzer? I heard a little about him in 2008 and it didn’t sound too bad; moderate western Dem governor, fairly young.
Anyone up that way – can you fill me in a little more? What is the opinion on him?
Another Halocene Human
@wrb:
Good point, although I would caution against setting the cap too low, as the really powerful will just engineer a way around it and all you’ll succeed at doing is helping them kick the ladder to the ground.
Let’s not forget that a lot of wealthy families dissipate their fortunes very well on their own.
We need to look at the most effective ways to prevent the over-accretion of wealth in a few hands. It’s bad for the economy, the social contract, and innovation and progress. In a free market, of course wealth flies into the hands of a few actors (=feudal system redux) but we have shit like “laws” to try to put the brakes on this madness. Any equilibrium will be astable. It is possible to smooth out the cycle–as we did during our period of lowest inequality, smoothing out the business cycle itself, and quite successfully. Then, politics and ideologues effed it up.
We could, for example, put more controls on corporations. The way they are being run now is an atrocity. That sounds like hyperbole, but all you’d have to do is take a closer look at what these companies do worldwide in the pursuit of temporary wealth at any cost. The billionaires are so-called because of the shares they hold in corporations valued in the billions. Such unchecked power is, I fear, destroying our democracy.
trollhattan
@Another Halocene Human: @jibeaux:
Dubya cloaked who he was in 2000 by misdirecton, using the “compassionate conservative” and “not in favor of nationbuilding” canards, and just enough were fooled for him to squeak out the election. Anybody who scratched the veneer wasn’t fooled for a second.
Willard’s less adroit than Dubya (hard to believe, but anyway…) and while there are still a handful who believe he’d govern as a moderate, it’s tells like this that cement his status as somewhere to the dark side of Montgomery Burns.
He is who we think he is. Full stop.
wrb
@Another Halocene Human:
I agree will all of that.
Another Halocene Human
@Tony J:
Who are these populists of “all stripes”? Southern Baptists AND Lutherans of the Missouri Synod?
What is their populism? Pro-union BUT anti-woman? We’ll pay for welfare but not for daycare? We’re replacing taxes with tithes? Have they grokked yet that when you remove the big money men their platform appeals to patriarchalists* only?
*-of the white cultivar
New Yorker
@Julie:
All I know is that as a Giants fan, Peyton’s brother never invokes God or Jesus when doing post-win interviews, so I’m sure the deranged right could jump on that as proof that the Manning family aren’t good Christians, and thus radical, America-hating godless leftist.
I mean, these people have completely ruined the ability to parody them, they’ve gone so far off the deep end.
waratah
@Yutsano: Sandra could bring in the southern vote?
Schlemizel
@Brachiator:
This is what scares me most about the current GOP. If they succeed in driving us off the cliff there will come a day that the morans will wake up & demand simple(like those offered by the GOP) solutions but as whacked out. That leaves us ripe for the sort of populist demagog who would throw the country into chaos (lets say like Lenin) and provoke a response demanding stability (lets say like Hitler). Neither of those two outcomes would be good for us or the world.
I have long suggested that the Koch Bros are communist agents whos whole goal is to so discredit capitalism as to provoke a communist revolution in the US. They seem to be succeeding so far.
Shawn in ShowMe
@Schlemizel:
That’s certainly a hypothesis I’ve never heard before. What exactly would the Masters of the Universe gain under this scenario that they don’t already have under the present system?
Tony J
@Another Halocene Human:
Apparently, and I don’t speak the lingo whitmerkinkunsevtiv that good, the ‘Populists’ they speak of are everybody in the country who isn’t part of the Big Business/Leftist Statism juggernaut that has taken their country away from them.
Yeah, it’s verging on alt-history, but they really do think that all the GOP has to do to forge an invincible coalition of True Conservatives and Not-Rich People is to kick the Big Business wing back to its “natural home” in the Democratic Party and wait for the next election.
It’s almost like they think the Occupy movement was onto something but “They thought of it first!”
Schlemizel
@Shawn in ShowMe:
I have no idea what the gain would be but this is the only explanation that makes sense. Why else would you go out of your way to make capitalism painful for the average guy? Why would you enable the worst of it and hamper the moderating affects? The only reason that I can think of is that they are just so incredibly stupid as to need regular instruction in how to breath or they really do want a communist revolution.
Even a heroin junkie knows there is a limit, a time they have to stop shooting up. They will clean up for a bit before hitting the needle again because they know it won’t work if they don’t. Are you suggesting the Koch Bros are dumber than heroin junkies?
Mike G
Shorter Romneytron3000:
“You all work for me.”
wrb
@Schlemizel:
Could be, but my bet is that they think they’ve got it figured out this time:
that they’ve mastered reality control sufficiently that enough of the potential populists really believe that taxing the “Job creaters” will cost them their jobs- and other useful magic.
Triassic Sands
Senator Susan Collins cries “both sides do it” crocodile tears in a WaPo op-ed essay claiming the “middle,” which she doesn’t represent (there are no Republican moderates, except by comparison with each other) can be saved.
Her consistent support of all the extreme legislation her fellow Republicans have supported over the past three years and her unwillingness to support moderate health care reform legislation (filled with ideas swiped from Republicans) reveal her to be a member in good standing of the imaginary “center.” Pretending to be moderate, while joining her fellow extremist Republicans in their mindless quest to make Obama a one term president at all costs, Collins is a fraud — a soft-spoken fraud, but a fraud none-the-less.
Martin
@Schlemizel:
For the same reason they would go out of their way to make sex or health care or anything else difficult. It’s a religion. And it’s a religion that reinforces their power, so its easy to believe. That’s why Leviticus is the absolute defense against the gheys but the equally strong statement in Leviticus about shellfish is cast aside. One reinforces their power position, and the other makes it harder to host a proper cocktail party. Actually, in my view both make it harder, but the shellfish one really makes it harder.
Legalize
Doesn’t fit on a bumper sticker, though.
What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us? (formerly MarkJ)
@Another Halocene Human: Yeah, because the only people who deserve to have their debts forgiven are investment bank corporate raiders. They take their millions, declare bankruptcy, and all is forgiven.
Schlemizel
@wrb: @Martin:
You guys are probably right but I am going to continue spreading the idea that the Koch Bros are commie agents – hell its no stupider than a lot of the shit the morans believe and on the off chance that it takes hold it sure would be fun to see the reactions 8-{D
PeakVT
@Legalize:
Still too long?
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
@PeakVT:
Romney 2012: He’ll believe something. Maybe.
trollhattan
@PeakVT:
Romneytron V.12
Shared your beliefs
A while
Niques
@PeakVT: Romney 2012: Believing in Nothing.
Brachiator
@Schlemizel:
There ain’t no communism anywhere. Not even in China. Except in the minds of Teatards.
The Koch Brothers are straight out oligarchs. As is someone like a major Santorum backer, Foster Friess.
Oligrachs and strongmen seem to be a natural resource. Russia is swimming with them. Mexico’s Carlos Slim, the most richest man in the world, may count as one.
The condition that these men (and a few powerful women) aspire to is the one that keeps Belarussian strong man Alexander Lukashenko in power.
American oligarchs seek to decimate the middle class and capitalize on fear and racial anxiety. Then, through their puppets in the GOP, offer sweet nostrums of patriotism and religiosity, and a harsh stability in which the 1 per cent flourishes while everyone else waits for a never kept promise of prosperity.
PeakVT
Heh. Those are good. Slightly shorter:
Another Halocene Human
@Tony J: Ah, goldbugs.
Another Halocene Human
@Schlemizel:
Res ipsa loquitur.
Another Halocene Human
@wrb:
Hence their putsch at the Cato School for Useful Idiots?
I think they’re both greedier than a hungry gator and just as lacking in higher brain functions. The deal is that there is no lack of bright, highly-educated, motivated people willing to lick their boots and do their bidding. C’est la vie.
Another Halocene Human
@Triassic Sands:
And Maine is a poor state. Poorer still because of the extent to which they drink the free market kool-aid instead of trying, as Vermont does, to use the power of the state to make poor people’s lives a little more decent.
There’s also the issue that incumbent senators bring home the bacon. Ted Kennedy had his detractors in Mass but there was nothing like multiple important committee chairs to keep him safely ensconced.
Another Halocene Human
@What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us? (formerly MarkJ): Debt is a sign of moral weakness. As opposed to loading others with debts, ie, what vulture capitalists do all day. Clearly, a sign of the Lord’s favor.
Another Halocene Human
@Brachiator:
Brazilification.
If you dig on google, you’ll find that word popped up a lot on housing bear blogs at the peak of the bubble. Certainly the end-game for the would-be winners. They learned the lesson of the Great Crash and that’s that the 30’s were an AWESOME time to be rich.
Legalize
@ThatLeftTurnInABQ:
les
@Shawn in ShowMe:
She could maybe run as a sane republican.
trollhattan
@Legalize:
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
@Legalize:
Vote for Romney 2012. His beliefs are like sheets on the beds at a sleazy No-Tell Motel: changed thrice daily.
Julie
@New Yorker: Totally agree. I don’t mind Tebow, but his fans are a whole other story — and I’ve got quite a few of the crazy ones in my family. Still the idea of Peyton Manning (or anyone in the NFL, honestly) as some sort of lefty, atheist icon makes me giggle.
Donut
“There’s nothing sadder than a town with no cheer.”
No one else got that????
wrb
@Donut:
or “all you can be is thirsty in a town with no cheer.”
there’ll be no refreshment for a thirsty jackaroo
no spirits, no bilgewater and 80 dry locals
and the high noon sun beats a hundred and four
there’s a hummingbird trapped in a closed down shoe store
nastybrutishntall
burritoboy
The Koch’s dad got his big break by business by fleeing the US – he had ripped off a bunch of patents from his competitors and was about to head into bankruptcy – and helped Joe Stalin (yes, THAT Joe Stalin) build up the oil fields in the USSR (Hitler’s primary objective in Operation Barbarossa). No, the previous sentence was not a joke – the only reason the Koch’s dad actually became a big wheel was by being paid big bucks (huge bucks at the time – over ten million dollars total) by Joseph Stalin to steal US oil extraction technology.
mclaren
Yes, let’s all celebrate with delight and champagne and candies at the fact that the Republican party is self-destructing, leaving the field open so Obama can get re-elected.
And what will Obama do in his second term?
[1] The instant he gets re-elected he’ll pivot hard right — much harder than in 2009. Obots will make excuses, Democrats will be shocked and dismayed, and the rest of us will say “What did you expect? The Obama adminsitration’s second term is nothing but George W. Bush’s fourth term.”
[2] Look for Obama to attack Iran. It’ll be set up as a response to an alleged Iranian attack on our troops, of course, like the Gulf of Tonkin. Bogus shadowy evidence that doesn’t add up will allege that “Iranian-backed troops” are sponsoring so-called “terrorist attacks on U.S. troops in Afghanistan.” Lots of grainy photos that don’t show anything, plenty of bogus “confessions” by so-called “Iranian agents in Afghanistan” tortured into making statements that implicate Iran, statements suspiciously light on details and full of contradictions. But Obama will accomplish what not even Dubya dared — embroiling America in a war with Iran. It won’t be called a war, but that’s what it will be. Look for oil prices to skyrocket. $200 a barrel? $400 a barrel? Who knows? But much, much higher than today once the Iranians start interfering with shipping in the Straits of Hormuz.
[3] Obama will expand the endless unwinnable war in Afghanistan in a major way. Troops will go up to 200,000, possibly 300,000 or 400,000, requiring massive new increased military funding The currently announced withdrawal dates will suddenly become “inoperative.” Planned Pentagon cuts will suddenly turn into enormous military budget increases, requiring (regretfully, as Obama announce with mournful tears) draconian austerity measures and cutbacks in social programs.
[4] Expect Obama to offer a huge new draconian online anti-piracy initiative. Much worse than SOPA, it will probably be called something like “Keep Information Legal & Legitimate Through Homeland-security Enforcement Measures & Anti-piracy Legislation & Law-enforcement,” or, as it will be popularly known by the initials: KILLTHEMALL. It will include the death penalty for downloading, mandatory 20-year prison sentences without parole for sharing files using any medium, including flash drives, and specially constituted DHS SWAT teams which will be dispatched with “shoot to kill” orders for anyone detected filesharing copyrighted information. Naturally, this draconian law won’t pass, and instead expect Obama to offer a “mild compromise” consisting of a 50-year-mandatory minimum with no parole sentences for filesharing. Everyone will hail this “compromise” as a “sensible moderate measure” but still “not enough to deter online theft.”
[5] Obama will authorize drone strikes in America. Large numbers of innocent Americans will get killed, but the entire thing will be classified and the government will deny all knowledge. All we’ll have is rumors and some fuzzy YouTube videos of protestors getting blown up, PETA members getting shot down like dogs by armed drones, and when the press starts to question what’s going on, Obama will announce that the Americans who are being killed by the drone strikes are “dangerous terrorists.” As time goes on and this is revealed to be a lie and most of the Americans getting murdered by drone strikes are shown to be innocent bystanders, the Obama administration will clamp down harder by classifying everything about the domestic drone strikes and dragging in anyone who leaks any info about drone killings on U.S. soil for violation of the Espionage Act of 1917 (using the kidnapping of Bradley Manning, held for a year without charges, as the model).
[6] Obama will sign off on a House bill allowing targeted killings of U.S. citizens on American soil. This will be in addition to drone strikes against U.S. citizens — these particular targeted killings will be up close and personal, sniper teams of DHS agents. Naturally, only the “worst of the worst” will be targeted — antiwar protesters, whistleblowers who reveal corruption at the Pentagon, and students guilty of downloading TV shows illegally.
[7] Obama will “reluctantly” sign a bill passed by the House that lowers top tax rates to 15% and eliminates the capital gains tax completely. He’ll make eloquent speeches about the need to income equality in American society while sending out IRS thugs to audit impoverished students who fall behind on their six-figure college loans.
Ah, what a wonderful world it”ll be…Obama’s second term — a liberal paradise.
Jebediah
Some Loser
@mclaren:
You are now officially unspoofable. For my sanity, I will just call you a troll. I cannot fathom someone so delusional and crazy as to take these words seriously. You are the best troll, McLaren. I am awed and shamed by your paranoia and hatred.