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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Excellent Links / For all the Douchebags

For all the Douchebags

by John Cole|  March 8, 20121:38 am| 63 Comments

This post is in: Excellent Links, Stuff About Black People Written By a Black Person

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This is why I want ABL posting here. This is why I think she is a great blogger:

“Apparently, Negroes hugging is the lesser known fifth horseman of the apocalypse.”

She makes me laugh out loud when I read her stuff, and if you didn’t snort when you read that, well, wtf is wrong with you?

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Reader Interactions

63Comments

  1. 1.

    David Koch

    March 8, 2012 at 1:43 am

    The bible tells us to beware of Shadrach, Meshach and a big negro.

  2. 2.

    Snark Based Reality

    March 8, 2012 at 1:43 am

    But she used a form of the N word… Isn’t that like a secret joke handshake where I shouldn’t laugh if I’m white? Did I mention I’m incredibly white?

  3. 3.

    ArchPundit

    March 8, 2012 at 1:45 am

    What Breitbart’s Crew saw

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91CpbRq9Tiw

    Hug at 3:15

  4. 4.

    Martin

    March 8, 2012 at 1:50 am

    @Snark Based Reality: It’s okay. You can laugh. I guarantee I’m whiter than you. My middle name is #FFFFFF+1.

  5. 5.

    ABL

    March 8, 2012 at 1:51 am

    aw shucks. ::kicks rocks::

  6. 6.

    S. cerevisiae

    March 8, 2012 at 1:54 am

    @David Koch: Ok, that both made me laugh and brought back Sunday school flashbacks.

  7. 7.

    Villago Delenda Est

    March 8, 2012 at 1:56 am

    This Forbidden Hug is a surprise to exactly no one with a brain.

    Well, there’s the problem. The wingnutosphere has a deficit of that particular organ.

  8. 8.

    freelancer

    March 8, 2012 at 1:57 am

    @ABL:

    You were awesome on the Twitter tonight, ABL.

  9. 9.

    S. cerevisiae

    March 8, 2012 at 1:59 am

    @ABL: ABL, I went over and read your post as well – I really hope they run with this shit. You made them look like the fools they are.

  10. 10.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    March 8, 2012 at 2:03 am

    @S. cerevisiae: I gotta say, your women’s team went down fighting on Saturday. I didn’t think they had two games like that in them, but my fingernails were gone by the end of that final. I may not like that team, but they can say that the ended their season playing the best fucking game they could.

    Now, a win on Saturday and we can end not only your season, but also that of the Fighting Whioux. Though, I’ll laugh my fucking ass off if their band shows up in the jerseys with the Sioux logo and they forfeit. That would be worth not getting to see a game.

  11. 11.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    March 8, 2012 at 2:08 am

    I love the ad on the left side of the page as I’m typing this, some crap by Grover Norquist and someone named “John R. Lott, Jr.” about “Obama’s War on Jobs and Growth and blah blah blah”.

    Keep wasting your money on this blog, idiots!

  12. 12.

    Rich C.

    March 8, 2012 at 2:26 am

    Long time lurker and linker:

    ABL is teh awesome. I’ve said it to her and I’ll say it here, she is performing a ministry to the unintentional white honkeys. Her voice is that reminder that many of us need that this society is not fair and there is another way of looking at things.

    I know ABL challenges some of the MRAs but they should be challenged. Kudos to ABL for standing up for herself and kudos to John Cole for keeping her on board.

  13. 13.

    Bruce S

    March 8, 2012 at 2:26 am

    I’ve laughed out loud when I’ve read some of her stuff, but that’s probably because I spend lots of time with black folks who aren’t LA lawyers. Big fucking deal! She spent months here encouraging ridiculously toxic shit from…uh…douchebags with small minds.

  14. 14.

    YellowJournalism

    March 8, 2012 at 2:39 am

    Is a hearty chortle okay? The kids are sleeping. (And I should be, too!)

  15. 15.

    Citizen_X

    March 8, 2012 at 2:43 am

    Oh, no. This is the blockbuster news from ABL:

    I am so embarrassed to have gone to college with Michelle Malkin.

    Faint!

  16. 16.

    Baud

    March 8, 2012 at 2:44 am

    I like ABL’s stuff. I think the think we’re all wondering is why you want Doug J posting here.

    Kidding

  17. 17.

    freelancer

    March 8, 2012 at 2:49 am

    @Baud:

    Speak for yourself, snarkolicious.

  18. 18.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    March 8, 2012 at 2:50 am

    From Albert Brooks’ 1985 film Lost In America:

    David Howard: That’s why I married her.
    Skippy: That’s why I hired her.

  19. 19.

    Spaghetti Lee

    March 8, 2012 at 2:53 am

    All due props to ABL, I think it might just be the “hugging” part that got them. “Two people embracing each other, as if they were being affectionate! That’s never happened to me! It must be some secret socialist code.” Of course, that’s not to discount the presence of two colored folk chatting with each other, which every good conservative knows is the precursor to the Great Race War of 1968 1979 1992 2012.

  20. 20.

    Spaghetti Lee

    March 8, 2012 at 2:54 am

    (Oops, used a spam filter word.)

    All due props to ABL, I think it might just be the “hugging” part that got them. “Two people embracing each other, as if they were being affectionate! That’s never happened to me! It must be some secret soshulist code.” Of course, that’s not to discount the presence of two colored folk chatting with each other, which every good conservative knows is the precursor to the Great Race War of 1968 1979 1992 2012.

  21. 21.

    opie jeanne

    March 8, 2012 at 3:11 am

    @ABL: How little we know each other.
    snerk!

    I especially loved this:

    “…..it’s not like i knew her, or we hung out every day, or braided each other’s hair or anything….”

  22. 22.

    opie jeanne

    March 8, 2012 at 3:21 am

    all of this nonsense about the tape makes me really wonder if we’re being punked.

  23. 23.

    well paid replicant

    March 8, 2012 at 3:22 am

    Apparently, Negroes hugging is the lesser known fifth horseman of the apocalypse

    Still snorting…two hours later. That is comedic gold right there. I like the snarkier ABL 2.0.

  24. 24.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    March 8, 2012 at 3:48 am

    @freelancer:

    @ABL:
     
    You’re were awesome on the Twitter tonight, ABL.

    Fix’t.

    Indeed she is. :)

    Hey, I thought President Obama was the fifth horseman of the apocalypse!

    This end of the world stuff is confusing.

  25. 25.

    amk

    March 8, 2012 at 3:50 am

    will ed henry ask about this whitey tape in the next PC ?

  26. 26.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    March 8, 2012 at 3:51 am

    @David Koch:

    Ha!

  27. 27.

    Yutsano

    March 8, 2012 at 3:53 am

    @Sarah Proud and Tall: Hello dear. I just cooked up a storm. How are the orderlies behaving tonight?

  28. 28.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    March 8, 2012 at 3:55 am

    I loves me some ABL, and not only because she has more hater trolls than I do…

  29. 29.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    March 8, 2012 at 3:58 am

    @Yutsano:

    Hello there, sweetness. I’m very well, although Spokane has been pummeled by torrential rain all day (very localized – you may not have gotten it all the way up where you are).

    What have you been cooking? How the hell are you?

  30. 30.

    Yutsano

    March 8, 2012 at 4:06 am

    @Sarah Proud and Tall: I posted it one thread down, it’s near the bottom. The cook who showed me this recipe is like Bob Ross for foodies. Plus any excuse to cook baby sheep is worth it to me. Although I know that tends to send you into hysterics.

    I’m pretty darn good, a little annoyed because there’s a position I’m qualified for that I have to let pass for now because of my upcoming convalescence. But at least all the paperwork is in for me to be absent for six weeks.

  31. 31.

    piratedan

    March 8, 2012 at 4:12 am

    @Yutsano: hopin you have a speedy and uneventful recovery Yutsy

  32. 32.

    Sarah Proud and Tall

    March 8, 2012 at 4:12 am

    @Yutsano:

    Promotions can wait. There will be another one along eventually. It is the public sector after all.

  33. 33.

    Yutsano

    March 8, 2012 at 4:31 am

    @piratedan: Thanks. I think I’ll be just fine. My doc is one of the top in the field at this and he’s pretty enthusiastic for success. I just want to stand upright again.

    @Sarah Proud and Tall: I’m almost certain this opportunity will arise again. It all depends on budgeting. Which is a total mishegas right now. Fucking Congress.

  34. 34.

    A Humble Lurker

    March 8, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Y’all should totally shack up and make balloon babies the caramel shade of El Presidente. T’would be awesome.

    And that hugging line is going to make me giggle for a good long time. If this is their effort to distract people from the birth control stuff it’s A) not going to work, and B) even if it did, it would only be slightly less stupid, and would do them little good. So let the freakout commence!! Nobody but the choir bought into that William Ayers shit the last time, and nobody but them will buy into it now.

  35. 35.

    runt

    March 8, 2012 at 4:53 am

    I guess it’s because I’m a Yuropean communo-fascist, but I’m completely stumped by this one. What exactly do the wingers think they have caught Obama doing here? Speaking while black? Having gay sex in public?

    I just don’t get it. I can’t imagine what they think they see.

  36. 36.

    Linda Featheringill

    March 8, 2012 at 5:27 am

    @runt:

    I guess it’s because I’m a Yuropean communo-fascist, but I’m completely stumped by this one.

    Agreed. I don’t get it either.

  37. 37.

    Down and Out of Sài Gòn

    March 8, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Laughed? I giggled. Good one, ABL.

  38. 38.

    Nutella

    March 8, 2012 at 5:58 am

    I just don’t get it.

    They see two black men who are obviously allies, so they must be conspiring to overthrow the whites. As they do.

  39. 39.

    NobodySpecial

    March 8, 2012 at 6:24 am

    @runt: Relevant

  40. 40.

    Corpus Christy

    March 8, 2012 at 7:08 am

    I like ABL, but the phrase “lesser [or “little”] known fifth horseman of the apocalypse” is a worn-out phrase that one should use only if he or she coined it. I snorted a few years ago, the first time I read.

    Sorry for the golden shower on the love-parade. (And I really do love ABL!)

  41. 41.

    runt

    March 8, 2012 at 7:15 am

    @NobodySpecial: Heh. Maybe it’s best not to understand them…

  42. 42.

    Elmo

    March 8, 2012 at 7:16 am

    Uppity!

    Apparently the next bombshell is that Michelle Robinson – who is also black! – participated in a sit-in at Harvard! Before she met her future husband, but while she was black!

  43. 43.

    Ben Cisco

    March 8, 2012 at 7:28 am

    Perfect way to start the day – a good old ABL 2.0 (that, BTW is also hilarious!) snarkfest.
    __
    If these guys could only see themselves as we see them, they’d…probably blame us for spiking their water supply or something. Nevermind.

  44. 44.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 8, 2012 at 7:41 am

    @Corpus Christy: No, Fifth Beatle is worn out. Maybe I don’t travel in sufficiently apocalyptic circles, but I don’t come across the fifth horseman reference all that often.

  45. 45.

    AxelFoley

    March 8, 2012 at 7:55 am

    @David Koch:

    The bible tells us to beware of Shadrach, Meshach and a big negro.

    I was gonna make a witty comment, but I see David just won this thread.

  46. 46.

    Montysano

    March 8, 2012 at 7:59 am

    No one could have predicted, etc, but Hannity has elected to fuck that chicken for all it’s worth.

  47. 47.

    Ben Cisco

    March 8, 2012 at 8:05 am

    @David Koch:

    The bible tells us to beware of Shadrach, Meshach and a big negro.

    I know some ladies who didn’t listen.

  48. 48.

    Egg Berry

    March 8, 2012 at 8:18 am

    @David Koch:

    The bible tells us to beware of Shadrach, Meshach and a big negro

    Abednego=A bad negro.

  49. 49.

    Keith G

    March 8, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Either/Or?

  50. 50.

    Phoebe

    March 8, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Yes to ABL posting here. That is all.

  51. 51.

    maya

    March 8, 2012 at 10:10 am

    So it isn’t the “whitey” tape after all. It’s the Blacky tape.

  52. 52.

    burnspbesq

    March 8, 2012 at 10:13 am

    So the ability to find humor in gibberish is the new litmus test for identifying the Kewl Kidz?

    You can have it. This place has gone off the rails.

  53. 53.

    Tone In DC

    March 8, 2012 at 10:22 am

    @burnspbesq:

    Yet somehow… I think you’ll survive.

    ABL, great stuff. May Hannity and Dimbart’s unmerry men tie themselves in knots trying to turn this tape into “ZOMG its that AYERS guy again!!1!”

  54. 54.

    rlrr

    March 8, 2012 at 10:33 am

    @Citizen_X:

    One of my former classmates is a big shot in the Holocaust denial crowd…

  55. 55.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    March 8, 2012 at 10:36 am

    @burnspbesq:

    No prob. Be sure to let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.

    /toodles!

  56. 56.

    samara morgan

    March 8, 2012 at 10:38 am

    again, if you want to understand republicans, first understand evolution.
    its impossible for organic conservatives to conceive of order outside of social dominance order.
    they believe that if they can glue Alinsky’s ideas onto Barack Obama that will defeat Obama. Just like they believe that if they were allowed to glue rev. wrights ideolgy onto Obama he would have lost in 2008.
    The only reality is evolution.
    The evolution of the demographic timer and the RAE (Rising American Electorate).
    Nate hatez meh sayin this cuz it fucks up the horserace………..but……..demographics is destiny.
    ;)

  57. 57.

    samara morgan

    March 8, 2012 at 10:45 am

    @Tone In DC: Evolution is the answer.
    i personally think Cole could make a great chirpstory if he would just lower himself to do it.

  58. 58.

    opie jeanne

    March 8, 2012 at 11:58 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Terry Pratchett’s Ronnie Soak: He left before they were famous, over artistic differences.

  59. 59.

    Brachiator

    March 8, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    @David Koch:

    The bible tells us to beware of Shadrach, Meshach and a big negro.

    Priceless!

  60. 60.

    Gunga Dean

    March 8, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    ABL is the best most brilliant snark master on the web.

  61. 61.

    Arclite

    March 8, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    This is why I want ABL posting here.

    Um, I thought ABL already was posting here? Did I miss another blowout?

  62. 62.

    Jim Pharo

    March 8, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Me = ABL fan.

  63. 63.

    West of the Rockies (formerly Frank W.)

    March 8, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    “I love ABL the mostest!” “No, I do!” “No, me, I want her to carry my children!” No, it’s me–no one thinks she’s as brilliant as I do!”

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