This is the kind of wisdom that my local paper will soon be asking me to pay for. On the bright side, FactCheck.org rates it “100% true” and PoliFact gave it a thumbs up, three pink hearts, two yellow moons and a green clover.
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I’m fairly certain that last sentence was sarcasm. The scary thing is, I could be wrong.
c u n d gulag
Don’t eat! (Also, a great dieting tip!).
If you can’t walk there – hitchhike. (Also, a great diet tip! Until you get picked-up by a serial killer, and have to run – Also too, a greater dieting tip!).
Live under an overpass!
Holm skewls yur kidz.
Save money the old fashioned way – don’t have any!
Eliminate fears about pension cuts by forming angry mobs in major intersections
Eliminate fears about pension cuts by confronting the contradictions inherent in capitalism
Eliminate fears about pension cuts by joining the elite class selling bunk financial products to pension funds
Just kidding, you didn’t play football at the right school
If every American set aside thirty thousand dollars a year, we could eliminate Social Security.
Remember when “these ads are aimed at richer folk than ordinary Americans” was a feeling one got only reading, say, the NYT, WSJ and Vanity Fair?
Villago Delenda Est
Of course, you can try to save. But don’t us an outfit like MF Global to save your money in, as it might just “disappear” into covering the firm’s failed “investments” at the dog races.
One of the nice little “features” of the 2008 crash is that the “savings” of so many for their retirement vanished due to the premeditated theft of the Ferengi vermin of Wall Street.
Medievalist, extremist brutality rears its ugly head in Iraq.
The total numbers are in some dispute, but one is too many.
NINETY Iraqi students killed for having ‘strange hair and tight clothes’
Is Iraq Killing Hundreds of Emo Teens?
‘Emo’ killings in Iraq create different reactions among religious clerics
Fair warning — the 2nd link includes within the article links to very graphic pictures.
Eliminate pension fears by dying before you retire.
Hey, this is great advice! Eliminate fears of being fired by staying unemployed!
See, a pension is part of your contract, and what a contract is, you see, it’s a thing where two parties sit down and agree to conditions, and those conditions are only altered if an extremely wealthy person or his lawyers feel like it might be the right thing to do – for everyone’s sake, mind you
[Remember: if you suffer losses, after-the-fact insurance may be available through Congress or the Federal Reserve. Contact your K Street office for more information, although we recommend you send Ivy League grads as reps and not safety-school losers from Duke]
You’re all missing the big one: Eliminate fears of pension cuts by inheriting millions from your parents.
How about eliminating your pension fears by marrying for money.
I have told this story here before. The company I spent 20 years with gutted the pension plan to buy off investors. I went from having an expected income in retirement to having lunch money they will turn over to me when I hit 65 (a little over $30k).
I make well above average, live in an inner ring suburb in a house about 1/2 the value of average for the area, have only owned one car for years. My one extravagance has been to pay for my kids college so that they can at least start out with a chance. I have put away what I can & still don’t have enough. Without Social Security we probably won’t even have cat food on the table. Glib bastards that write shit like that must every well off.
Eliminate fears about guillotine cuts by leaving my pension alone.
Savings? Gosh, I remember something called “savings.” Where you didn’t run out of money right before the next paycheck. Then, you took that “leftover money” and put it in the bank. And the bank paid you to do that!
Good golly, where do you folks come up with this stuff?
Or by giving up on the idea of retirement completely. I think that’s the strategy our Galtian Overlords want us to adopt.
@Schlemizel: Probably not, at least not yet. It was written by the “Young Professionals Editor” who has years of writing stuff that sucks up to his publisher ahead of him before he gets to experience being well-off first-hand.
I don’t know about that. Given the state of the American newspaper industry, I don’t think anyone can be confident they have years ahead of them before experiencing layoffs firsthand. Whoever wrote that deserves to experience it sooner than later.
This isn’t about journalism. It’s about propaganda.
This simply lays the groundwork for Blaming the Victim. Eating cat food in your golden years? You should have saved more!
This will probably get justifiably lost in light of events but I want to firmly attach it somewhere as it seems there’s a lot of decent overview and details in here. Health program losing federal funds, clinics. Mostly, if unsurprisingly, about TX.
Venkman: Yeah, that oughta do it, thanks Ray.
Jay in Oregon
This isn’t new; I’ve heard variations of this all my life.
“If you don’t have enough to live on—even with SS—when you retire, then it’s your fault for not making better choices!”
And yet people get offended when I point out that most people with nothing left to lose don’t just lie down quietly in the gutter to die.
@Jay in Oregon: Which was semi-fine, back in the day, when people had extra money, and blew it on stupid things… but now, I don’t have extra money, because I’m blowing it on high priced food, and medicine for my sick guy, and doubling the cost of gas… it’s not MY freakin’ fault at all.
Republicans have always been big on blame.
When is it going to be realized that pension cuts are just retroactive reductions in compensation. Pensions are earned and belong to the employee. This is the same as saying: “You know that salary I gave you in 1985? Well, in hindsight, that was too much and I want part of it back”.
The only thing they want you learning these days that isn’t snobby is “learned helplessness.”
I dunno. Maybe Politifact will rig it to have their audience vote on what they want to see in their ads.
The thing that gets me about this recommendation is that this financial advice changes basically every fucking generation. My grandparents’ generation, it was: work hard, stay at a company for 20 years, own a home and get a pension. My parents’ generation were given that advice on top of “go to college”, and were screwed when pensions were cut and the home “investment” their parents’ told them to make failed and they learned companies have no loyalty to keep them employed. And now some people in my generation are learning that going to college and being trained in useful things isn’t enough even.
And when these things don’t work out, the advice of our Galtian overlords is always: didn’t you see this coming? Didn’t everyone TELL you that you needed to predict and game out the multifaceted changes in the job market ahead of time? It’s your fault! Apparently, everyone is supposed to be their own expert on employment market developments 5+ years in advance.
Of course, none of this takes into account that having people make the “wrong” decisions and end up unemployed is incredibly economically inefficient for the whole economy. As much as it is “socialism”, I’ve said for a long time that the government needs to try to forecast labor/economic developments and encourage people to make default good financial decisions rather than relying on them to be their own experts and figure it out…
Eliminate fears about catastrophic medical bills by not vowing not to get sick.
Eliminate fears about food and water contaminants from under-regulated industries by not eating or drinking.
Eliminate fears about an over-reaching government by buying lots of guns. Oh, wait…
@Jay in Oregon:
The Right pride themselves on this quality but expect the great mass of others to lack it, even though it is not something you can train out of any human without extreme trauma
That is, the Right are narcissists and believe that only they are allotted human drives and needs
You will never see a quicker grab for taxpayer money than a Rightist who has convinced himself that he is getting one up on “the system” for all those times he was charged sales tax – and that’s about 99% of Rightists
The state keeps us from each others’ throats; the Right believes this act is evil, inviting an ultimate despair in which they all prepare, mentally, to lie, cheat and steal, and ultimately kill, to satisfy their own urges
We have found a better way, but their appeal is to the libido; their threat to life and liberty is universal
Hey! I have one of those! My credit union is paying me the lordly interest of 0.1% on my money. One tenth of one whole percent! Whatta winner.
At least they’re a credit union and not charging me for the privilege of storing my money under their mattress instead of mine…
Here’s the double joke hidden in that snark: individual American savers used to be able to purchase up to thirty thousand dollars a year in United States Series I Savings Bonds. That limit was effectively reduced to $10,000/year starting in 2008.
I-Bonds are one of the safest long-term savings options for Americans, because they’re guaranteed to give a fixed rate of return above the rate of inflation.
However, even if a fortunate American did manage to set aside $30,000/year, he couldn’t use I-Bonds to preserve all of his savings’ purchasing power even if he wanted to do so.
For what it’s worth, Alliant Credit Union’s offering 1% APY on their savings accounts. They’re online-only, though, so you might not find them as convenient as your current brick-and-mortar credit union.
leo from Chicago
Exactly: low pay, long hours, with no let-up till the day you drop dead. It’s a rightwing/libertarian dream come true — about to be experienced by quite a number of us.
P.S. I love hearing the financial advice from “Market Place” on the weekends. It runs along the lines of the post in question — week after annoying week. I really wonder what planet they’re living on.
In any case, I guess it’s up to all of us to push back on what is in effect a kind of ‘let them eat cake’ solution to retirement for many working Americans.