Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

“Facilitate” is an active verb, not a weasel word.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

Dumb motherfuckers cannot understand a consequence that most 4 year olds have fully sorted out.

Republicans: “Abortion is murder but you can take a bus to get one.” Easy peasy.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

With all due respect and assumptions of good faith, please fuck off into the sun.

Just because you believe it, that does not make it true.

Rupert, come get your orange boy, you petrified old dinosaur turd.

Not loving this new fraud based economy.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

If you don’t believe freedom is for everybody, then the thing you love isn’t freedom, it is privilege.

Republicans do not trust women.

Let’s bury these fuckers at the polls 2 years from now.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

The arc of the moral universe does not bend itself. it is up to us to bend it.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Sadly, media malpractice has become standard practice.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

You are here: Home / Politics / Religion / Religious Nuts 2 / Snake Handling Can’t Be Far Off

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102Comments

  2. 2.

    Democratic Nihilist, Keeper Of Party Purity

    I’m not watching that. My faith in humanity is fragile enough at the moment.

  4. 4.

    BGinCHI

    The weather in that guy’s head is partly crazy with a strong chance of full of shit.

    It’s amazing how much shit these people just make up. Isn’t anyone they preach to skeptical? This can’t survive another generation.

    OK, maybe in OK.

  5. 5.

    Nancy

    I had rather claim kin to a baboon than that dude. Sadly, that sermon plays well all over Arkansas every sunday morning.

  10. 10.

    MobiusKlein

    Dude never heard of Articles of Confederation, the predecessor to the Constitution? – re his claim that America has only been under one document for it’s entire existence.

  12. 12.

    Satanicpanic

    I can’t be the only person who is tired of hearing about the Founding Fathers every time these cranks have some dumb idea they want to promote. If they keep on like this, the founders reputations are going to completely destroyed.

  15. 15.

    Gex

    Someone just shoot me. I know we’re probably winning, but sometimes it just seems like we are only a few elections away from Christian Sharia.

  16. 16.

    WereBear

    This is Dominionism. This is what Sarah Palin believes; yea, and all her followers. It’s The Family & the spiritual counseling given to that guy whose parents paid off the husband of the woman he had the affair with after he fired both of them…

    So, anyway. Google it and be very frightened.

  17. 17.

    Rome Again

    @Satanicpanic:

    If they keep on like this, the founders reputations are going to completely destroyed.

    You mean to say they aren’t already? Oh Gosh, don’t say that, they’ll turn up the volume to a deafening scream.

  20. 20.

    New Yorker

    @Satanicpanic:

    Didn’t watch it yet, but I’m going to assume he made the tired and wholly false argument that the founding fathers were pious Christians who intended a Christian nation.

    Yeah, Thomas Jefferson, who edited his own Bible to remove references to the divinity of Jesus and called the Book of Revelation the “ravings of a madman”. Yeah, real pious religious nut, that guy.

  21. 21.

    hilzoy

    Who knew that we were attacked by plunderers on 9/11?

    Also, the idea that quoting Montesquieu is an indirect way of quoting the Bible is, um, not true.

    Coochie coo!

  23. 23.

    pacem appellant (formerly Vince CA)

    5:31 with a little bit of fast forward. That was all I could take. I know I’m a coastal elitist and all, but if these people can any closer to the wheels of power, the middle east is going to start looking like a religiously tolerant paradise.

  24. 24.

    p.a.

    once again, the founder of modern conservatism, George Costanza (although I usually invert the clauses): “It’s not a lie if you believe it…”

  27. 27.

    bemused

    I couldn’t listen to the whole thing in entirety but it’s basically God wrote the Constitution, God don’t want no gay marriage and other such sins Therefore, to get right with God and avoid hurricanes, we have to follow the Constitution as He directed the Founders to write down his Word. Did I miss something?

  29. 29.

    cathyx

    He actually had me agreeing with him in the beginning. Then it went downhill from there. I loved the New Orleans debauchery talk. He sounds like he’d experienced it himself.

  30. 30.

    Redhand

    You may find yourself, living in a shotgun shack.

    And you may ask yourself, “My God, what have I done!?”

  32. 32.

    Satanicpanic

    @New Yorker: How’d ja guess? I mean, I get what they’re trying to do- America is its own religion, birthed from virgin pilgrims, the founders are saints and prophets, Amen. I just think it’s funny that they think anyone cares. And that Americans are sitting around wondering what the founders would do. Those guys lived over 200 years ago, and those allegedly all knowing founders loved freedom so much they owned people. An elementary school child could see the problem with the idol worship these people engage in.

  33. 33.

    Kirbster

    Zombie Thomas Jefferson would slap this guy silly.

    The preamble to the Constitution is a really nice, lofty mission statement, but the body of the document is just a utilitarian how-to-set-up-a-government manual that had countless compromises to get everyone at the convention on board. There’s nothing remotely mystical about it. Sacred documents shouldn’t need to be amended, but operating manuals get updated all the time

  34. 34.

    hilzoy

    Just because I love Montesqueiu and dislike people who use him as some sort of political weapon in a cause he would abhor:

    “We ought not to decide by divine laws what should be decided by human laws; nor determine by human what should be determined by divine laws. These two sorts of laws differ in their origin, in their object, and in their nature.”

    And:

    “The laws of perfection drawn from religion have more in view the goodness of the person that observes them than of the society in which they are observed; the civil laws, on the contrary, have more in view the moral goodness of men in general than that of individuals. Thus, venerable as those ideas are which immediately spring from religion, they ought not always to serve as a first principle to the civil laws; because these have another, the general welfare of society.”

  35. 35.

    schrodinger's cat

    WTH is snake handling? Do you mean with real snakes? My sheltered existence, let me show you it.
    -Clueless elitist resident of the “Not Real America”

  37. 37.

    JPL

    Lost sleep last night after waking in a sweat because I dreamt
    Sarah was president. I feel as though the Republican party has forever changed and became the party of the uninformed.

  39. 39.

    terraformer

    Wow. Can’t reach people who don’t wanna be reached.

    Similarly, did anyone else see Maher the other night when the GM buffoon was on? Especially that part where he tried to debate Degrasse-Tyson (who is a freaking astrophysicist) about what science is and is not? It was amazing – yet illustrative – of the mindset at play here: it doesn’t matter what you say, what evidence you show, or anything else – these people put belief first, and their lying eyes last.

    The mind reels. I bet “God” didn’t want mindless acquiescence, either. I bet “God” wanted people to use their minds, not close them. It’s like a pervasive feeling lately, more stark than in recent memory, that these people are going balls-out, throwing everything that they have out there, for one final stand against reason and rationality in favor of “faith” and “belief” to the exclusion of all else.

  41. 41.

    bemused

    @cathyx:

    Pastors like him are apparently very knowledgable about debauchery and they sure do get fired up talking about “filthy” behavior.

  46. 46.

    catclub

    @terraformer: It is interesting to note that one theory of why we have large brains is to be able to lie and keep track of all the lies.

    It does strike me as odd that all the evidence of radioactive isotopes was put in the geologic record for us to first develop the technolgy and then studiuously learn to ignore the conclusions it leads us to. The Lord is such a kidder.

  48. 48.

    Soonergrunt

    @bemused: Nope. That’s about standard for these parts.
    Remember, it was our own Senator James Inhofe, who said that God created the world, therefore there could be no global warming because that would be fucking with God’s creation.

  52. 52.

    Mrs. Whatsit

    I made it 3 minutes in. It’s a shame these people have any influence over government at all, let alone the amount they do.

  53. 53.

    Soonergrunt

    @bemused: Not in OK he didn’t. They’re illegal here.
    Back when Three Mile Island happened, the oil and gas companies, who really own the state and just let the rest of us live here lobbied the state legislature to permanently block the construction of nuclear power plants here.

  56. 56.

    The Golux

    @terraformer:

    I bet “God” didn’t want mindless acquiescence, either. I bet “God” wanted people to use their minds, not close them.

    This.

  57. 57.

    Jennifer

    As soon as he really got rolling, it reminded me of the “Puzzling Evidence” video from David Byrne’s True Stories. I posted it over at my joint.

  58. 58.

    hilzoy

    For all of you who are stopping a few minutes in: you should check out the 30 seconds or so following 10:30.

  60. 60.

    JWL

    Forty years ago, Garry Trudeau created a Doonesbury strip in which the story of Christ was explained to a Viet Cong (“Phred”). Phred remarked that Christ sounded like an incredible guy, and asked if he was an American. “Practically” served as both answer and punch line. The joke’s still on us after all these years, of course, and likely always will be.

  62. 62.

    Nancy

    Y’all need to understand something about OK. I have cousins there. One is a year younger than I, is a dyed in the wool democrat, has not set foot in a church in decades save for weddings and funerals and he BELIEVES the Noah’s ark story. I tried to explain to him that even with today’s boat building technology, it would be impossible to construct an ark that could hold two of every insect, let alone tigers and lions and bears. He mumbled something about “super natural powers” to refute my argument.

  63. 63.

    bemused

    @Soonergrunt:

    I was being sarcastic because there are those who believe the earth will miraculously renew itself, from nuclear “accidents” to neverending oil, no matter what we do to it.

    I don’t know if Inhoffe shares the Dominionist theology along with Global Warming denial.

  64. 64.

    Soonergrunt

    @bemused:

    I don’t know if Inhoffe shares the Dominionist theology along with Global Warming denial.

    He absolutely does.

  65. 65.

    AuldBlackJack

    “Fifty years ago American decided that her heritage was something that she didn’t want. America decided that she wanted to become secular nation”

    Yep, we stopped being a ‘christian’ nation when we elected that Roman Catholic as president.

    Forget Roe. Forget Griswold. These people want a mulligan on everything back to Bollman.

  67. 67.

    J.R.

    @schrodinger’s cat: Oh, yeah!

    There’s a verse in the book that tells us that they shall take up serpents and drink poison and come to no harm.

    So in parts of sw W Va, southeastern Kentucky and southwest Va, people go out in the woods to collect rattlesnakes (and maybe copperheads too, although their bite isn’t nearly as dangerous as a rattler) and then at services they pass the snakes from hand to hand, among those who feel called to it.

    Some people go to the hospital when they get bit, and some don’t. Every so often there will be an obit. Technically in other states this type of worship is illegal, but in W Va it’s still legal, which I think is proper; crazy, but proper.

    Is it any crazier than eating the body and blood of your god? That’s way crazy to me, not being brought up in such a society.

    The pictures of folks at these services are scary.

  68. 68.

    Jennifer

    @bemused: Well, I believe that the earth can miraculously renew itself, no matter what we do to it. The problem is, there won’t be any of us around to see it.

    If you think of the earth as a giant living organism, which it is, and human beings as infectious agents, which in some regards we are, at least in terms of a lot of our activities, then at some point the earth’s immune system will get activated against us and we’ll get wiped out so the planet can regain its health. Global warming in this scenario is akin to a fever, meant to raise the body temperature beyond that most favorable to the pathogen – us.

  69. 69.

    Nancy

    @Jennifer: Jen, there will always be cockroaches, Mexican fan palms, and chiggers and ticks to start the process over again. Doesn’t the sun have something like 6 billion years left? There’s plenty of time to get things right.

  70. 70.

    New Yorker

    @Nancy:

    It’s amazing that Noah traveled to the arctic to collect polar bears, the Andes to collect llamas, and Australia to collect Koalas.

    I’m an atheist who finds most of the Bible ridiculous, but the Noah’s Ark story is sublimely ridiculous in ways other Bible stories aren’t.

  71. 71.

    bemused

    @Jennifer:

    That’s way too sciency for Dominionists. It happens practically overnight or if not, well, there’s alway the Rapture.

  72. 72.

    celticdragonchick

    Wow. I actually started laughing when he said that the earthquake in Virginia was part of some sort of divine judgement. I wonder how this buffoon explains the New Madrid seismic zone located right in the buckle of the Bible Belt…not to mention the massive 1811-1812 earthquakes associated with it (back when we were a God fearin’ nation, supposedly).

  73. 73.

    Nancy

    @New Yorker: And he’s not stupid. That’s the crazy thing about it. I think he has probably not thought about religion beyond what he learned in Sunday School as a kid.

  74. 74.

    john f

    @Kirbster: As Thomas Jefferson himself put it

    “…Some men look at constitutions with sanctimonious reverence, and deem them like the arc of the covenant, too sacred to be touched. They ascribe to the men of the preceding age a wisdom more than human, and suppose what they did to be beyond amendment. I knew that age well; I belonged to it, and labored with it. It deserved well of its country. It was very like the present, but without the experience of the present; and forty years of experience in government is worth a century of book-reading; and this they would say themselves, were they to rise from the dead. I am certainly not an advocate for frequent and untried changes in laws and constitutions. I think moderate imperfections had better be borne with; because, when once known, we accommodate ourselves to them, and find practical means of correcting their ill effects. But I know also, that laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths disclosed, and manners and opinions change with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also, and keep pace with the times…”

    Letter to Samuel Kercheval
    Thomas Jefferson
    June 12, 1816

    Jefferson was a college educated liberal snob.

  75. 75.

    MCA1

    Notwithstanding the actual message of this nutjob, how is it even remotely appropriate that this non-elected sermonator is addressing a fucking state House of Representatives? Are the state legislatures in Massachusetts and Maryland inviting High Pastas of the Church of the FSM in to harague their colleagues for 15 minutes at a time?

  76. 76.

    Suffern ACE

    @Nancy: You wish. We have 500 million years before the ever slow transformation of the sun to its next phase ends the age of animals. The sun and the rock we live on will be around a few billion more years, but animals, not so much.

  78. 78.

    Scamp Dog

    @Nancy: Actually, the Sun is gradually brightening, so a half billion or one billion years from now, Earth will be too warm to to have liquid water, and that will probably put an end to the blueness of this planet.

    So the end is closer than you think! Be afraid! Be very afraid!

  79. 79.

    Hewer of Wood, Drawer of Water

    Why is it that people who view earthquakes and hurricanes as being God’s judgment never seem to mention tornadoes. Tornadoes usually cause more deaths than hurricanes. Maybe God is sending a message to the states that get a lot of tornadoes, and the people there just aren’t listening

  83. 83.

    Paul in KY

    @Jennifer: Nice thoughts, but humans, pre-humans and their anscestors all lived when the Earth was much warmer (Miocene epoch & on back).

  84. 84.

    Jim Pharo

    Yes, all very snarky. But not everyone here realizes that there are tens of millions of people who are hearing this sort of nonsense every Sunday and thinking it is the most sensible thing they’ve heard all week.

    Also: why the f should anyone present in the Oklahoma House have to stand as they “are able to”? Doesn’t the application of the First Amendment to the State of Oklahoma mean that Oklahoma is not permitted to compel anyone to worship in any particular way (or at all)?

    It helps to realize that these people are scared, and are looking for comfort. There’s nothing more comforting than to imagine that a super-parent is hovering over you ready to intervene to protect you as needed. To get at least some of these folks on our side (or at least get them to stand down a bit), we have to acknowledge that they perceive themselves as vulnerable, and that far too man of them perceive far too many of us as sanctimonious assholes.

  85. 85.

    Nemesis

    @Nancy:
    I heard once that there exists about 250,000 different types of one insect-beetles. So one of each was aboard the Ark? Right.

    But, I am told, we non-believers (I prefer rationalists) are missing the more subtle, non-literal aspects of the good book. Perhaps we are misinterpreting the story the Ark. Kinda like the virgin birth story. Thats a whopper.

  87. 87.

    The Ancient Randonneur

    This guy must be one of the ignorant subset of believers who are convinced the Earth was created a thousand years after the Sumerians invented ink. With apologies to baboons everywhere, I particularly liked that little reference to being “descended from baboons” being used as a perjorative. Quite frankly I’m embarrassed to admit I belong to the same species as this atavist.

  89. 89.

    Sly

    I like the part where he cautions the audience that he’s not being politically correct by saying that evolution by natural selection is wrong, but… hey… he really has to speak his heart.

    And then he runs headlong into the claim that God let 9/11, the Virginia earthquake, and Hurricanes Katrina and Irene happen because of whores and faggots. Because that part is just obvious and needs no caveats.

  90. 90.

    What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us? (formerly MarkJ)

    @celticdragonchick: Yeah we all trembled in fear here in our nations capital when our lawn chairs fell over. If that’s the best that a wrathful God can do, well, reports of his omnipotence are greatly exaggerated.

  91. 91.

    Mike Lamb

    So here’s a question: in the introduction, it sounded as if the OK state senate has sponsored pastors show up weekly and do daily devotionals. Wouldn’t that be reaaal close to state sponsored religion?

  92. 92.

    WyldPirate

    Balloon Juice–Home of Liberals with reprobate minds!

    God is winking at this filthy den of iniquity,

  94. 94.

    PeakVT

    @Jennifer: The Earth isn’t a living organism. It’s a big pile of heavier elements. Due to a number of favorable factors, it just so happens to support a wide variety life forms on or near its surface.

    @Paul in KY: Humans (Homo sapiens sapiens) and their immediate ancestors evolved when the Earth’s average temperature was lower (most of the time) than it is today.

  95. 95.

    jim filyaw

    sneer all you want, but this is the present and future face of the g.o.p. he can invoke the founding fathers all he wants, but his religious attitude is far closer to the bearded bigots hiding out in the caves of afghanistan.

  96. 96.

    Mackenna

    How do the elected officials, whose salaries are paid by the Oklahoma taxpayers justify this clown show? Exactly what productive work is going on here? They may as well be attending a movie down the street or sleeping on the job.

  98. 98.

    mothra

    Not tolerance … I played that part three times…not tolerance…unbelievable…and then they applauded that nonsense.

    Is this a new wingnut thing, that the founders were quoting the Bible throughout the USC????? I thought that I knew their whole “this is a Christian nation” routine, but that’s a new one to me.

  101. 101.

    Gus

    I know I’m late to the party so no one will read this, but isn’t this just boilerplate wingnutese now? I didn’t hear anything I haven’t heard a hundred times from Republican politicians and other wingnut preachers.

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  1. […] Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse than the worst election fraud any western democracy has ever seen, we have this idiocy to worry about. And if the vicious attack on women’s biology in the US is any indication, we should not make light of this or pretend it’s going to go away after Old Fogie is through with his hour of preaching. God help us, we are just shy of being Oklahoma . […]