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You are here: Home / Politics / An Unexamined Scandal / Oil Discovered in Kenya.

Oil Discovered in Kenya.

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They’ve found the oil reserves in Kenya.  I repeat, they found the oil reserves in Kenya.  Commencing emergency shutdown in

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NAIROBI, Kenya (AP) – The president of Kenya says that oil has been discovered for the first time in his East Africa nation.

The wingnuts just creamed their collective twinkie.

[via New Fuelist]

[cross-posted at ABLC]

Reader Interactions

107Comments

  2. 2.

    PaulW

    The calls to invade/bomb Kenya coming from the OpEd section of the Washington Post should begin in 3… 2… 1…

  3. 3.

    cmorenc

    Yes, but if McCain was President instead of Obama, the Kenyans would have discovered the oil sooner, and more of it. Or so the GOOPers will soon be chanting on FauxNews.

  4. 4.

    MikeJ

    Look at what a blessing oil has been to Nigeria. Nothing bad could possibly come of this.

  5. 5.

    Daaling

    I can see it now. They will say this is part of Obama’s evil plan to raise oil prices in the US. In partnership with the Black Panthers and Al Qaeda he is secretly shipping US oil to Kenya in Tankers in the middle of the night at taxpayer expense. Kenya is then claiming it is coming out of the ground.

  6. 6.

    b-psycho

    Somewhere, Newt Gingrich is thinking of making a claim that that oil is actually slant-drilled from under Real Merikuh thanks to a secret deal with Obama.

  15. 15.

    El Cid

    His father knew! That’s why they plotted to make it look like Obama was born in the United States of Hawaii while drilling him his Islamic pro-transgender attitudes at all his Kenyonesian facilities! It was all so that one day Obama would be a powerful American — maybe even President! — and be able to force the Kenyan government to give special favors for oil to the Obamas!

  17. 17.

    Alesis

    Let’s hope the resource curse doesn’t play out in this situation. I’m sure the usual suspects are already howling FREE MARKET!!!11!!

    ..but this situation needs to be managed carefully to keep some of the profits in Kenya and funnel them towards the general populace rather than make a few guys at BP (and their compliant government accomplices) even filthier rich.

  20. 20.

    taylormattd

    I’m not making any moves at all until I am instructed how to react by Larry Johnson.

  22. 22.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    @Alesis:

    keep some of the profits in Kenya and funnel them towards the general populace rather than make a few guys at BP (and their compliant government accomplices) even filthier rich.

    Spoilsport!

  24. 24.

    Warren Terra

    @Egypt Steve:

    “The President of Kenya” being who?

    The new Hitler, of course. Weren’t you paying attention in 1990/1991 and 2002/2003?

  25. 25.

    Steve

    The joke, if I can run with it just a bit for the benefit of the puzzled, is that this represents the final proof that Obama has been implementing a secret plan to become President and suppress the U.S. oil industry in order to enrich his countrymen in Kenya and ultimately make us all subservient to a bunch of Muslim African oilmen. Or something like that, anyway. Bill Ayers is surely involved somehow.

  27. 27.

    handy

    Well, when the NYT and WaPo run series of news stories on how Odinga is a monster, an East African Hitler, you know the other shoe is about to drop.

    ETA: Damn you Warren Terra! Beat me to it!

  30. 30.

    SuzieC

    This was secretly planned 50 years ago by Bill Ayers’ mother and Barack Obama senior to smuggle a 5 day old baby into Hawaii to become the Kenyan born Islamosocialist Dictator of the US in return for Kenyan oil, which Barack Sr. controls from the grave.

  31. 31.

    Steve

    @Egg Berry: Agreed, and yet the thing is, I could spend all night coming up with a parody post along those lines and still not manage to outdo the actual wingnuts themselves. I mean, we’re talking about the sort of people who write 20-page essays proving that Malcolm X was Obama’s real dad and Bill Ayers ghostwrote his autobiography.

  32. 32.

    Linnaeus

    @Alesis:

    ..but this situation needs to be managed carefully to keep some of the profits in Kenya and funnel them towards the general populace rather than make a few guys at BP (and their compliant government accomplices) even filthier rich.

    Of course, some upstart counties in the past thought that was a good idea, but that little problem was soon dealt with.

  36. 36.

    Joseph Nobles

    I felt a great disturbance in the Force, like dozens of oil-thirsty governments suddenly caring about Kenya.

  39. 39.

    Bnut

    Ross Douthat: The good Kenyan Christians need our help
    Pamela Gellar: Only by invading can we find the real birth certificate
    David Brooks: It’s about time we had some Kenyans at Georgetown cocktail parties
    David Gregory: Whatever you say Mr.McCain
    Andrew Sullivan: I know I was wrong about Iraq, but this time…
    Jeffrey Goldberg: Kenya is a natural ally of Israel, and we need to secure their borders

  40. 40.

    danielx

    @jnfr:

    I’m starting to think the whole concept of peak wingnut is fallacious, since every time I think it’s been achieved…it’s exceeded. Though I admit it’s amusing every time to watch wingnuts come closer and closer to disappearing up their own asses in ever more frantic efforts to justify the unjustifiable and excuse the inexcusable.

  41. 41.

    Spaghetti Lee

    What kind of oil we talking about here? Like, body oil? Because I’ve been running low on that.

  42. 42.

    Spaghetti Lee

    To all the people asking about why this would cause the wingnuts to freak out…come on, like they need a reason?

    This particular nugget will likely cause a lot of twinkie-creaming (from The Wiki):

    In a January 2008 BBC interview, Odinga asserted that he was the first cousin of U.S. president Barack Obama through Obama’s father.[30] However, Barack Obama’s paternal uncle denied any direct relation to Odinga, stating “Odinga’s mother came from this area, so it is normal for us to talk about cousins. But he is not a blood relative.”

    Odinga also has a son named Fidel-yes, after Fidel Castro. If you didn’t buy popcorn futures last week, boy do I feel sorry for you.

  43. 43.

    danielx

    @Joseph Nobles:

    Yes indeed. The forces of democracy are on the march again, since it’s essential to Western democracy to ensure that unrest among the Kenyan population not be permitted to encroach upon the vital processes of the free market…or something. It’s always particularly imperative that dynamic democracy flourish in those locales congruent with a source of vital raw materials and/or new energy sources.

    Doesn’t that sound good? Mmmm-hmm, could I write for AEI or what?

    Shorter version: let’s find out if there’s anything to this so we can jump on it right away before the goddamned Kenyans get any uppity ideas about controlling their own oil or worse yet, let the goddamned Chinese get their noses under the tent flap.

  44. 44.

    Atticus Dogsbody

    The New York Times.
    Feb. 25, 2013.

    KENYA CHASES BOMB.

    A top secret Dutch intelligence memo, leaked to Amsterdam’s De Telegraaf, gives details of Kenyan government attempts to secure proscribed nuclear technology in violation of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.

  45. 45.

    jnfr

    @danielx:

    I know. But their fear is screaming out in ways that I haven’t felt in ages. And the incline doesn’t seem to be leveling out.

    Maybe I’m just hoping it’s peak because I’m actually scared about what they’ll do next.

  46. 46.

    El Cid

    Everybody practice saying a knowing / sly winking “the Kenyan oil reserves, huh?” as if talking to a Republican friend or a confident, insider-y sounding caller to Sean Hannity, Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.

  49. 49.

    Egg Berry

    @Bnut: Thomas Friedman: I was talking to my cab driver in Kenya, and I realized that because the world is flat ™ they can suck. on. this.

  50. 50.

    jharp

    It all makes sense now.

    Plant a Kenyan in Hawaii in 1961 and make sure he becomes President of the United States just before you are ready to make an oil discovery.

    And then the United States will be taken over by Kenya.

    Duh!

  54. 54.

    El Cid

    I feel so dirty — Supe Roberts and I seem to share the same view, one I’ve had all along: the “mandate” to buy individual health insurance is really not very distinct from giving everyone else a tax credit that you don’t get when you don’t buy health insurance.

    In an exchange with a plaintiffs attorney, Roberts suggested he’s skeptical that the mandate and its penalties can be treated separately and may have opened the door to finding that Congress’ power to impose the mandate springs from its broad taxing power.
    __
    “The idea that the mandate is something separate from whether you want to call it a penalty or tax just doesn’t seem to make much sense,” Roberts said, over strong objections from attorney Gregory Katsas. “It’s a command. A mandate is a command. If there is nothing behind the command, it’s sort of, well what happens if you don’t file the mandate? And the answer is nothing. It seems very artificial to separate the punishment from the crime. … Why would you have a requirement that is completely toothless? You know, buy insurance or else. Or else what? Or else nothing.”

    Just one interpretation of a small exchange, though.

  57. 57.

    gnomedad

    @RyanayR:

    Not really understanding why wingnuts are creaming collective twinkies…..

    They may not understand either, yet, but it’s clearly called for so they will come up with a reason.

  60. 60.

    El Cid

    @Martin: Obama and his uncle at Nairobi. Biden, his eyes flashing. Boehner, his eyes wept. Michelle and the garden, children crying for their hamburgers. Sandra Fluke, her many beds.

  61. 61.

    CaseyL

    Huh. The oil was found by an Anglo-Dutch company, which intends to continue exploratory drilling in the East African rift area.

    Wonder how much of the revenue will stay in Kenya.

  64. 64.

    El Cid

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): How dare these Hollywood ay-leets violate poor innocent whites who desire a character not to be black?

    Here they had paid good money to see a movie they cared about and in their head they had imagined this character to be not-black and all of a sudden in front of them on the screen is some totally black-looking person. It’s like genocide, but 1,000 times worse.

    I think they should be able to Stand Their Ground and shoot the director because they felt their egos were in imminent danger.

  68. 68.

    El Cid

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): So? Who cares what was in the book? There were some not-black fans who didn’t want those characters to be black! They’re the important ones! Imagine, here they had read and identified with these characters, felt emotions, felt empathy and sympathy with their struggles and hopes and dreams and/or resented their machinations, and, all of a sudden, boom, they see these people as black, and they lose all that, because who could feel such things for black characters, because black people are weird monsters who don’t have souls or anything.

  69. 69.

    Marcellus Shale, Public Dick

    i can’t remember if light sweet crude is my side project to my ska band the transvaginal ultrasounds or the other way around.

  72. 72.

    Chris

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q):

    Apparently, other conservatives are also cheering for the Hunger Games because it’s conservative (because, you know, it shows how Obama will complete his soshulist takeover and then take our children if we reelect him).

    As per usual, they just can’t give themselves permission to like something until they’ve rationalized that it conforms to Established Ideological Standards.

    (Good movie, by the way).

  73. 73.

    freelancer

    @Chris:

    How is this any different than any other cultural phenomena where wingnuts see the zeitgeist and say, “OMG, look at this! People LURVE it! It’s conservative, I think. And this just proves that our culture is Conservative!”

    It’s the pop-culture iteration of “This is central to my point!“

  74. 74.

    not motorik

    “The wingnuts just creamed their collective twinkie.”

    One reason you’re dreadful is because you lack the ability to self-edit.

  76. 76.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @clayton:

    Boy, the comments at that link are just stupid in near pure form. One idiot seems to think “arrest” is the equivalent of “execute”.

  77. 77.

    Jebediah

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q):
    OK, I went and looked at teh Jezebel article. Fuck me. aaaargh it’s fucking skin you morons! Isn’t the Dr Suess book about the sneetches and their bellies with or without stars required reading anymore?
    One of the first things that struck me about British TV was that it almost seemed like actors were cast with little or no regard for skin color. (I actually don’t see that much of it, so maybe my sample is unrepresentative.) I thought that approach seems pretty fucking correct, but I guess they don’t have to worry about upsetting the delicate American racist audience. So fucking delicate, they are! It -ruined- the movie! Waaaah! Fuckers.

  79. 79.

    Jebediah

    @Steeplejack:

    I think Light Sweet Crude opened for the TVUs at Conservapalooza last year, but I confess that I was so baked I don’t remember very clearly.

    Their first album, back when they were still dinosaurs, was great. Total sell-out after that.

  80. 80.

    Chris

    @freelancer:

    It’s not. At all. It just staggers me every time, because it’s such a totalitarian reflex. No no, we can’t possibly enjoy anything, even as innocuous as entertainment, unless it’s been vetted and approved by the Party. God forbid.

    One day, they’re going to come out with a list of Conservative Ice Cream Flavors, and most of their base will happily add it to their crusade list.

  81. 81.

    Elias

    Apparently Kony 2012 was just a month too soon. Doesn’t matter… Kenya/Uganda. It’s all Africa, right? Starts with a K and ends with a USA USA!

  90. 90.

    AxelFoley

    @Trurl:

    Sounds like someone needs us to bring them some freedom!

    @handy:

    So how does one say “Drill Baby Drill” in Swahili?

    @Gex:

    I guess I know who needs democracy™ next.

    @Woodrowfan:

    please, please, please let it be on land owned by Obama’s father’s family…

    @Joseph Nobles:

    I felt a great disturbance in the Force, like dozens of oil-thirsty governments suddenly caring about Kenya.

    @Cacti:

    I’ve long thought that Kenya needs to be “liberated”.

    @Keith:

    This is good news…for Obama’s aunt.

    @chrome agnomen:

    YES WE KENYA!

    This thread is pure gold. LOL

  91. 91.

    Steeplejack

    @Jebediah:

    Their first album, back when they were still dinosaurs, was great. Total sell-out after that.

    I know, right?! Although that concert album Live at La Brea was pretty good.

  92. 92.

    Rome Again

    @RyanayR:

    I can think of several reasons:

    1. New territory to bomb into oblivion

    2. New reserves that we can take over (after kicking their asses, of course)

    3. Those tribal loving Santeria type Medicine Men loving, Voo-Doo Doll using Non-Christians need to be dealt with, but it just wasn’t worth our time until the Americans discovered that Kenya has discovered oil.

    They can do all that, just as soon as they get rid of that Kenyan in office so he doesn’t get any big ideas about sharing the oil with them or something along those lines.

  96. 96.

    THE

    Prediction:
    __
    Long, long, long, before USA has time to think about deciding to do anything about this,
    Chinese oil companies will buy up nearly all the exploration and drilling rights.
    __
    They will undoubtedly overpay, but they need the oil, and their currency is overvalued, and the govt has trillions of dollars of underutilized foreign reserves, etc. etc.

  97. 97.

    Vanya

    @El Cid: I feel sorry for the Indian-American children who assumed that “dark skin” meant a girl with Tamil ancestry. When will our national pain end?

  99. 99.

    Tone In DC

    @El Cid:

    I think they should be able to Stand Their Ground and shoot the director because they felt their egos were in imminent danger.

    LULz.

  101. 101.

    John Hall

    I can’t see Obama invading his “home” country. But what if Romney wins? Payback at Kenya for the “usurper’s four year reign of terror?” Kill, baby, kill to drill, baby, drill.

  104. 104.

    Interrobang

    @Chris: The only True Conservative Ice Cream Flavor™ is vanilla, naturally. Well, artificial vanilla. None of that hippy-dippy stuff, now.

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