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It’s the lifted pinky that makes the joke. (Hat tip, commentor JeffreyW.)
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And while we’re agitating the Mens Rights Activists, David Wong makes me laugh, even while making me despair for the future of the species, with “5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women“[warning, extremely disturbing Free Republic quotes included in the article]. My personal favorite is “#3: We Think You’re Conspiring With Our Boners to Ruin Us“.
Which (via NYMag) brings us to Robert Briggs, who for some reason (my estrogen-conditioned lack of imagination, probably) strikes me as Man At His Dumbfvck Man-liest:
…Biggs set out Monday morning for one of his usual hiking and gold-panning trips near Whiskey Flats when he came across a mother bear, yearling, and cub sitting on a stream bank. Biggs said he stopped to watch the bears for a few moments, but, as he turned to leave, something jumped on his back and knocked him to his knees.
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“My backpack raises up over my head and a mountain lion latched on to it,” Biggs said.
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Biggs hit the lion on the head with a rock pick he was carrying when he saw the bear grab the lion by the neck, Biggs said. The two animals struggled on the ground for a few seconds before the lion got free and ran away, he added.
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“I think the lion was stalking the bear’s cub and I got in the way,” Biggs said. “The bear walked calmly back to her cub after, and I wrapped my arm up with a T-shirt and went gold panning before I went home.”
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Biggs returned home to his shocked wife, Suzanne Biggs, who said she tried to convince him to go to the doctor, but has still had no luck.
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“I was pretty worried when I saw all of the blood on his clothes, but he’s being very stubborn,” Suzanne Biggs said. “I thought he should go in case of rabies, but Bob isn’t worried.”…
Never get between a guy and his hobby…
S. cerevisiae
If it ain’t spurtin’ blood don’t need no hospital.
Karl The Crap Blog Detective
If woman shot a rapist and was let go under those laws we’d be hearing endless howls about how he was only inviting her into his room for coffee.
Soonergrunt
There is currently ONE winner of the megamillions lottery. The ticket was sold in Maryland.
S. cerevisiae
@Soonergrunt: It was probably Mitt Romney.
Soonergrunt
Also, there are times when I think I should probably just make my posts nothing more than redirectors to Tbogg’s site, with the phrase “What he said.”
SRW1
@S. cerevisiae:
Probably not. But maybe the winner is now considering a self-financed a run for the White House. After all, made more money than Mitt, so s/he’s clearly a more qualified business person.
Mino
I’m amazed that women’s prisons aren’t emptying out in standyurground states. Can’t you get a new trial or pardon if your crime is re-legislated to no crime?
amk
me ? (I posted in twitter, but don’t remember if I did here).
c u n d gulag
Bears don’t scare the man.
Mountain lions don’t scare the man.
I bet I know what would terrify him:
Mexicans!
If, after panning for gold, he met three three of them, and when he asked them for some ID, one of them answered, ‘We don’t need no steenkin’ ID!’
jeffreyw
https://balloon-juice.com/2012/03/26/no-myth/#comment-3133695
rb
Eh, that david Wong piece starts off ok but then really fails to stick the landing. For instance, men
built ‘civilization’ for da ladeez, who never built anything, apparently. Pretty fucking stupid, and sexist in both directions.
amk
@jeffreyw: Bingo. There you go. Congrats.
JGabriel
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I’m pissed and cranky. I was supposed to win that $640 million Mega Millions jackpot last night, not some schmuck from Maryland.
Goddammit.
.
JGabriel
@SRW1:
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After reducing the prize amount for a single payout, then taking out taxes, the prize will probably be in the $220M-$240M range, which is still just a little less than Dog On Car’s estimated $250m-$300M.
.
Baud
@JGabriel:
There will probably be multiple winners. There were too many tickets sold for there not to be.
Arclite
I’d just like to point out that any woman who shot a man and used “stand your ground” law as justification would be arrested, just like a black man would be using the same justification. The law obviously applies to fine, upstanding white men only. The only way a woman could get the law to apply to her is if she shot a black man.
WereBear
@Arclite: Exactly; where was this law in the 70’s, when women’s right to self-defense was undercut by legal expectations of equal force; which hardly ever applied?
Face it, conservatives; there is no legislative remedy for your a-holishness.
Palli
just a visual detail but…RE: It’s the lifted pinky that makes the joke.
Since when does the inside of a raised pinky finger need nail polish?
Soonergrunt
PTSD Defense Won’t Save Accused Shooter in Afghan Massacre Case.
the fugitive uterus
h/t to jeffreyw, i believe
the fugitive uterus
@Arclite: and “fine and upstanding” apparently includes having been arrested for battery of a police officer and resisting arrest in your past.
not to mention domestic violence and stalking!
JGabriel
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Palli:
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Fingernails, they be translucent.
.
Jamey
I dunno, maybe it’s too early on a Sat, but violent gags just aren’t that funny–even when they are about striking a presumptive blow for justice.
Unless this is like “Peanuts,” and I need to see the first three panels to understand the punchline.
the fugitive uterus
@JGabriel: Fingernails, they be translucent.
the fugitive uterus
well, i’ll be digging holes in the rain so i will look like pig emerging from its mudhole before it’s all over – but i love it, i LOVE it!
there’s something about driving that posthole-digger into the ground as hard as i can and ripping up the ground, it’s very cathartic. NOBODY is coming between me and my posthole digger, nobody.
but it sorta sounds like pen1s-envy, don’t it?
Kirbster
I think all these “Stand Your Ground ” laws are the anti-tax GOP/Libertarian way to lower our expectations for law enforcement in the future, just like all the self-service checkout stands in the supermarket and Home Depot are intended to lower our expectations of customer service in retail. Eventually will we accept as normal the need to either carry a firearm or hire private security guards, as people do in other chaotic third-world countries.
the fugitive uterus
@Kirbster: also, it’s a way for the NRA to get people to buy more guns so they can defend themselves from cops and psycho wanna-be cops
shoot-outs in the streets would really boost profits!
bago
I had a similar problem when I tripped in my driveway. My glasses smashed into my forehead and I cracked my iPad, but fortunately, aluminum cased electronics have less of a propensity to bleed. Foreheads on the other hand…
Long expensive night is what I’m sayin. The similarity is less cougar/bear based, and more the bleeding all over with concern mandating hospital visits based.
Jay C
@JGabriel:
I noticed, among the spate of news articles yesterday on Mega Millions Madness, a breakdown of exactly how much of that “$640 Million” a lucky winner might expect to keep. The lump-sum payment on that vast amount was given as $426MM, out of which, after taxes, a resident of our area (NY-NJ-CT) might net anywhere from $320MM (NJ) down to a meager $288MM for we Gothamites.
Can someone explain (in truly simple terms for this near-innumerate) why the lump-sum is only 2/3 of the posted “jackpot”?
Schlemizel
@Jamey:
In the first panel Charlie is at Lucy’s booth asking “If you give mental health care for 5 cents what would you do for me for a buck?”
The second panel has Charlie telling Lucy “I have something you can jerk away on thats more fun than a football”
The third panel has Charlie approaching Lucy at this bar to ask “If I told you you had a beautify body would you hold it against me?”
NOW is the panel funny?
Schlemizel
@Jay C:
Because the jackpot is the sum total of a number of annual payments (I think 25 for mega & 30 for powerball). They take the money & buy an annuity which the winner gets the payments from. So if the jackpot were $25M it is really just $1M a year for 25 years. The cash payout is the amount needed to buy that annuity.
Its just to make the jackpot look bigger to sell more tickets.
bago
Seriously, foreheads bleed like a mofo! I’ve chipped my kneecap and that was roughly 60 ml of blood. However, if you hit your forehead, bam. that’s almost a 300 ml of blood for something that needs 3 stitches! Do you know how perverse it is to bleed more from tripping in a driveway as opposed to racing bikes and breaking bones?
Stupid forehead.
noodler
Does anyone watch this “Up with Chris Hayes” on MSNBC Sat mornings? As a weekend morning news show, I think it’s growing on me (I think it’s about a month old now). He digs a little deeper and provides some decent commentary.
Omnes Omnibus
@Jay C: Time value of money. The full jackpot is based on a payout over 20 years. Basically, and I am being very simplistic here, they subtract the interest that the money would earn over the next 20 year if you opt for the cash.
It looks like the jackpot was split between people in Kansas, Illinois, and Maryland.
bago
Do you know what the most annoying thing about TV on the internet is? Time Zones. I live on the west coast, and it kills me to see people on the internet discussing a show that I can’t watch for another 3 hours.
Hey, diploids, do you realize I can access your east coast servers in 300 ms, as opposed to three hours? Do you realize that the only reason for synchronization was the ability to use the broadcast elements of the EM spectrum that have been decomissionned by the FCC for YEARS!?!?!?! The corporate inertia. It burns.
Linda Featheringill
I read David Wong’s article. The disturbing thing about it is that I’m not sure he’s kidding.
Oy.
WereBear
@noodler: We love it at Casa WereBear.
MattMinus
@Linda Featheringill:
Yeah, because Cracked is typically full of serious think pieces.
Also, too, it’s totally wrong because only Amanda Marcotte is allowed to opine about the patriarchy.
Palli
@JGabriel:
I was referring to a visual “mistake in the drawing though…the image is showing the right palm folded around the gun with the pinky finger open. But the image reads the fingernail with polish appearing on the palm side of the pinky.
quannlace
Geez, Ron Burgundy goes camping!
mai naem
@noodler: I Tivo it as well as MHP’s show. I think Chris Hayes should have at least one lefty blogger on every week. It would be a good training ground for teevee appearances for lefties to compete against the Michelle Malkin and Eric Ericsons of punditland. I would like to see Atrios, Rude Pundit and Charlie Pierce on. Kos too, but I just think Kos is not teevee material. I think it’s his voice. I know Pierce has a national gig on NPR but not for politics.
Palli
@the fugitive uterus:
I’m kicking a dead horse here…
But it does puzzle me why 2 commenters missed the meaning of the pinky nail polish comment. I suppose they assumed it was a silly political stance. This site uses visual art as graphics often so I didn’t expect to be misunderstood.
Some people are dismayed by incorrect spelling and syntax and sometimes point it out, especially when the errors mar the meaning. Visual logic.is no different. Stanpill’s drawing uses this “incorect” representation for what purpose?
(None of this means that visual logic need rule in every image.)
handsmile
@noodler: (#33)
For the past several months, those rat bastards at MSNBC have been seriously intefering with tranquil weekend mornings at the handsmile household by scheduling Chris Hayes at 8:00am EST. And now Melissa Harris-Perry follows him at 10:00am!
These programs deliver the most rewarding political affairs commentary now on the teevee. The selected panelists hail from a refreshingly wide variety of professions and almost always have specific expertise in the topic under discussion. Thus so vastly different from the standard display of varsity Village bobbleheads gassing on about any and all subjects.
Admittedly, that the programs are unapologetically, yet rigorously, progressive are no small part of their appeal.
Ken
I don’t think that’s a pinky finger…
Jamey
@Schlemizel:
No.
But it sounds like you have a promising sideline in Charlie-slash-Lucy fan-fic.
jnc
The Biggs story seems just a wee bit far-fetched.
Malovich
@Linda Featheringill:
Also read the article. Cracked has this formula of writing hilarious articles that are well-researched- it’s not universal across the site, and there appears to be a boobs-and-beer quota in there, but…it’s like educational shorts for the hyperactive slackers out there.
As for the article itself…it kinda rings gorram true. That’s important to me, because…when it comes to women’s rights, there isn’t much about the mechanisms that keeps the patriarchy the patriarchy and why casually cruel slips happen in the best-meaning of us. This helps to frame the issue.
Frankensteinbeck
@Malovich:
The system is cruel as damn Hell to both sides. If some of his points are fuzzy, he has the basic point down. Men are trained in our society that if we are not successful predators, we are nothing, subject to constant humiliation from both other men and from women. The ugly woman gets mocked in our media, but so does the male virgin, the guy who ‘can’t get a girl’. And being a successful predator… well, listen to those words and think about what you’re doing to women. Oh, and as a man even questioning the system is punished savagely.
Our society’s basic concept of sex screws up both sides badly, but it’s been with us at least since Little Red Riding Hood was written a thousand years ago, so I don’t know how we’re getting rid of it. There’ve been plenty of liberalization movements before that seemed to be working, but it’s still right here in front of us.
WereBear
I’ve become a huge fan of the site. So many of the articles are well-written and well-researched, as well as being darn amusing. They have a large number of contributors, too.
Brachiator
@Kirbster:
There’s another way to look at this. Conservatives are taking back society from weak, pacifist libruls.
The guest host on Thursday’s Rachel Maddow show played the audio of a guy in Texas (I think) who called the cops, was told to stay inside, and yet went over to his neighbor’s house and shot dead the guys who were robbing it. The guy specifically quoted a law that went into effect that Sept 1 as giving him the right to do so.
Conservative men with guys imagine themselves to always be ordinary law abiding citizens or, when they have an extra hard stiffy and more guns, a Real American Patriot(tm). Against them are arrayed criminals and thugs, usually nonwhite, who need taking care of. And if a few innocents get shot up along the way, that’s just too bad.
CarolDuhart2
@Jay C: Depends on your state, but the Feds will tax you at the highest income tax rate, plus state income tax and local income tax as well. 30% plus for Federal, then there’s State, possibly local, and there’s a special gambling winning tax as well. But getting 200+ million in a lump sum isn’t bad either, and far more than the winner would ever even get to count working for a bank.
Schlemizel
@Jamey:
Emphasis on the slash part!
I don’t think the cartoon was meant to be funny. But I’m not convinced Peanuts was either.
jfxgillis
Old Joke:
Joe and Tom were tossing back a few beers in the Clubhouse after a round of golf and the bartender gingerly asks, as usual, “How’d the round go today, fellas?”
“Oh, terrible!” Tom replies, “We started off as a threesome with Fred, but on the 9th hole he had a heart attack and died!”
“Oh Lord, that must have been awful,” the bartender says.
“Yeah,” says Joe. “Hit the ball, drag Fred. Hit the ball, drag Fred. Seemed like we’d never finish.”
vernon
Right on re David Wong. Cracked pwns the Onion so hard.
Comrade Mary
Cracked often has surprisingly good, insightful articles. It’s not the cheap MAD Magazine competitor of your childhood: it’s a new-ish web site that does compare well to the Onion in many ways.
Some really good articles from Cracked:
1. 6 Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying (also by David Wong)
2. The 5 Stupidest Habits You Develop Growing Up Poor (John Cheese)
However, this one is flawed, and I’m pretty much in agreement with Marcotte. Wong’s done better, and he’ll do better again.
Ruckus
@bago:
Stupid forhead.
I got an immediate picture of someone smashing the palm of their hand against their head. Repeatedly. Stupid forehead! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid.
Brachiator
@Comrade Mary: Comrade Mary Says:
Speaking of which,
Mad Magazine for the iPad is coming April 1. No foolin’
Manual Burkel
I was thinking of the ill-fated Duesenberg and Stutz revivals. Or the occasionally nausea-inducing proposals we see for reviving Packard.
JC
As a gold prospector who also looks for the yellow metal in grizzley/lion country, this story is pretty hard to believe.
1) That a mama grizz would allow him to “watch” her from any distance.
2) That she would run over to “save” him from the lion vs. just getting her flock outta dodge.
This one is not all it is cracked up to be…