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You are here: Home / Food & Recipes / Cooking / People Murder Steaks And It Really Is a Crime

People Murder Steaks And It Really Is a Crime

by John Cole|  April 6, 201211:05 pm| 144 Comments

This post is in: Cooking, Open Threads

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Not to go all Anthony Bourdain (or McMegan) here, but everyone was commenting that the ribeyes were delicious and the best steak they had had in ages, so I am here to do a beef PSA.

You know how you have a good steak? It’s easy.

1.) Unwrap it, wash it in cold water, pat it dry with towels. Season it with salt and pepper, then let it sit out on a plate for an hour or so until it is room temperature. NEVER EVER EVER EVER COOK UNSEASONED MEAT. NEVER EVER EVER THROW COLD MEAT ON A GRILL. EVER.

2.) Have a hot grill where you can get a good sear. Sear for a minute or two,turn 45-90 degrees, cook for another minute or two or three (depending on thickness). Flip. Get a good sear after a minute or so, turn 45-90 degrees for the nice markings, let finish.

3.) Never ever ever ever ever ever ever poke or prod your steak. Use tongs. Period. You seared the steak to keep the juices in, right, you fucking clown prince? WHY WOULD YOU POKE IT WITH A FORK AND SEND ALL THE JUICES INTO THE COALS? If you want to know whether it is rare, med. rare, or well done, use the method involving the ball of your hand. BUT NEVER CUT INTO IT TO LOOK FOR COLOR. You do that, you might as well just fucking microwave your meat.

4.) Take your steaks off, put them on a plate, let them sit for ten minutes so the juices redistribute throughout the cut. If you take a steak off the grill and immediately cut into it, you have just committed a felony. Hell, this is not hard, it requires you doing NOTHING. Put your steaks off to rest, open a beer, slowly sip it for ten minutes. Congratulations, you have just saved your steak from a capital crime.

It’s really that easy. Grilling cuts do not need to be marinated in vinegary bullshit or overwhelmed by spices and seasoning. It needs salt, it needs pepper, and if you want to give it a steakhouse flair, throw a small pat of butter on it when you let it rest.

I’m sorry for this post, but listening to my guests as they watched me grill just fucking depressed (and mortified) me, and I realized how many cows go to their grave only to have Americans murder them a second time. How does a society this obese not know how to fucking cook?

Make the madness stop.

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Reader Interactions

144Comments

  1. 1.

    Laura Clawson

    April 6, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    I cook well, but I don’t cook naked hunks of red meat well. I do make a great pork curry though.

  2. 2.

    tweez

    April 6, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    Word to your motha’.

  3. 3.

    sharculese

    April 6, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    why would knowing what you’re talking about ever be clasified as ‘going mcmegan’?

  4. 4.

    General Stuck

    April 6, 2012 at 11:12 pm

    Make the madcow stop.

    fixt

  5. 5.

    ShadeTail

    April 6, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    @sharculese:

    Treating first-world problems as if they were crimes against humanity is “going mcmegan”. Particularly when talking about food and cooking.

  6. 6.

    Short Bus Bully

    April 6, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    I’ve been an executive chef for 10 years and in the industry for over 15 total. I’ve cooked tens of thousands of steaks all different kinds of ways including a course of kobe tenderloin for a wine dinner of 525 people a couple years ago.

    John’s post is correct if a little OCD.

    Edit: This post would only be McMegan if it talked all about the $5k grill you used and the imported Hawaiian briquettes…

  7. 7.

    Persia

    April 6, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    One of the reasons we’re fat is that we don’t know how to cook. So we cook processed, pre-cooked crap or eat out.

    Also, I really want a steak now, dammit.

  8. 8.

    Mike E

    April 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    My 16 yr old daughter cooked for me a NY strip on my birthday–med rare. It’s not hard, people. She made a steak sauce from a recipe she got off a site where they “recreate” meals from Game of Thrones, really nice. After being her short order cook for so long, it’s gratifying that she’s paying back her ol’ dad!

  9. 9.

    taylormattd

    April 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    +3 ?

  10. 10.

    taylormattd

    April 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    Also, I want a steak now.

    Although I might end up hanging out at the gay bar with some cute young gay boys and I don’t really need to feel bloated, so, yeah.

  11. 11.

    taylormattd

    April 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    @Laura Clawson: Apparently I should get some kind of dinner, because I want both steak and pork curry now.

  12. 12.

    guachi

    April 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    Searing meat doesn’t ‘seal in the juices’.

    But otherwise. Exactly right. Once I started following your steps (first saw some variation thereof by Alton Brown of Good Eats) my steaks became so much better.

    Simple. Delicious.

  13. 13.

    Jonno

    April 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    Here’s how you do a steak when you don’t have a grill:

    While the steak is warming up after being seasoned, preheat the oven to 350 or so. Insert a meat thermometer into the thickest part of the steak and set the alarm for 95 degrees. Put the steak in a roasting pan and pop it in the oven. While it’s coming up to temp (a surprisingly short time) get a cast iron skillet good and hot on the stovetop, I do a tick or two below max on my electric stove.

    When the alarm goes off, pull the steak out of the oven, remove the probe and sear the steak for a minute on each side in the skillet. Then let rest for ten minutes. In a good inch-thick steak, this gives a nice medium rare with a mahogany crust. Go higher or lower on the thermometer alarm if you want to vary the doneness. Dry aged meat will cook faster.

    This does put off some smoke but it’s not enough to have your apartment neighbors calling the fire department. A big ol ribeye is now a Christmas morning brunch tradition in my small place.

  14. 14.

    reality-based

    April 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    we’re all fat because we don’t eat ENOUGH red meat and other fatty delicious things full of nutrition – and we eat WAY, WAY, WAY too many refined carbpohydrates.

    It’s the sugar that kills us – not the fat. Ok, so I am off to drink one more Mountain Dew (my addiction) before I go to bed and vow, once again to start the steak-and-salad-and iced tea diet TOMORROW.

    Hey, I did Atkins 5 years ago, lost 40 pounds, felt great, my cholesterol actually DROPPED – John’s post is inspiring me.

  15. 15.

    jharp

    April 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    I like them rare.

    When taking them off the grill put them on a heated plate and build a tent out of foil over the top.

    And let them rest.

  16. 16.

    Citizen_X

    April 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    So I take it the post title is not a Smiths reference?

  17. 17.

    Hawes

    April 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    Salt and any number of good spices. Ras al hanout is good if you can find it (or make it yourself).

    I’ve had surprising success with cinnamon and brown sugar mixed with some cumin and coriander, maybe a little paprika.

    The brown sugar makes a nice crust and you’d be surprised what cinnamon does to the flavor of meat.

    Penzies spice makes a lamb rub that works pretty damn well on a ribeye.

  18. 18.

    DK

    April 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    In general this is pretty accurate, but my patience doesn’t allow me to get the steak up to room temperature. And I use Montreal Steak Spice, which is basically salt and pepper with dried garlic and onion.

  19. 19.

    robertdsc-PowerBook

    April 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    I choose to think he’s talking about how Tunch tells him to cook tuna to Tunch’s exact specifications.

  20. 20.

    jl

    April 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    in my national travels last week, overheard slightly east of WV (perhaps, near the beltway), in some bland hotel restaurant: “Steak!? You call that steak!? I know steak, and that ain’t steak!”

    The restaurant was such an obviously bland SOP hotel venue, I wondered what the guy expected. Like good steak? I knew I was going to get barely passable turkey sammich, but was in a hurry and could expense it so didn’t care.

    Wuzzat u, Cole?

  21. 21.

    Arclite

    April 6, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    Is this a three-drink post, or a five-drink post?

  22. 22.

    g-rant

    April 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    The only suggestion/correction I would make is to check the temp with a digital thermometer. Assume it’ll gain 5-10 degrees while resting.

  23. 23.

    schrodinger's cat

    April 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    @robertdsc-PowerBook: Tunch has his steak raw, with dripping blood, kthx.

  24. 24.

    Spaghetti Lee

    April 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    @reality-based:

    I wish it was the other way around, personally. I could live on pasta and potatoes, but I dislike most kinds of meat.

  25. 25.

    Linnaeus

    April 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    Certainly someone had to teach you this, John, unless you were born Athena-like.

  26. 26.

    schrodinger's cat

    April 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    Forget steak, most people can’t even cook shrimp properly.

  27. 27.

    scav

    April 6, 2012 at 11:36 pm

    Just to tweak the theme solidly sideways as I’m +.4+.Elijah’s, I had some braised in h20 speargrass with nothing but a little good salt this week. Stunning.

    ETA: oh, and they’re obese because they’re substituting quantity for quality, easy and often. Stick with a solid and reasonable bit of a good thing, even if “fattening” and life’s far far better

  28. 28.

    freelancer

    April 6, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    Rawr!

    No, I get the level of vitriol needed to correct shitty cooking. I used to ruin steaks. Freezing them, thawing them inside the marinade. Drowning them in Spicy Steak seasoning. Pressing down on them while on the grill and would just dry them the fuck out. Nobody much cared because the quality of beef in Omaha was pretty amazing no matter what you did to them, but it’s simple and easy to fix.

  29. 29.

    Jane2

    April 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    And start with grass fed beef. No grain and for heaven’s sake, no corn fed beef.

  30. 30.

    Elmo

    April 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    If you can’t poke the meat, how will you get the meat thermometer in?

    You are using a meat thermometer, aren’t you? You surely didn’t just write a screed about cooking meat to perfection and ignore the meat thermometer?

    Cook your steaks to 114 degrees and let them sit for ten minutes. They’ll come up to about 120. Any more done than that, and you’re making shoes, not food.

  31. 31.

    Narcissus

    April 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    You people with your poncy grills make me sick. I just use a hot rock sitting in the sun, like a real man.

  32. 32.

    Wag

    April 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    I agree 100% with everything in this post. Works every time

    Except for the bit about searing in the juices. Old wife’s tale.

    And the salt has to be pink.

    From the Himalaya Mountains.

    To go with the color of of the medium rare juices that will flow after an adequate rest off the grill

  33. 33.

    Soonergrunt

    April 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    How does a society this obese not know how to fucking cook?

    Hahahahahahahaha!

  34. 34.

    John Cole

    April 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

    +3? +5?

    I’m approaching +eleventy

  35. 35.

    Luthe

    April 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    I didn’t have a decent steak until I went to college. My dad likes his steaks practically jerky: heavily salted and cooked to shoe leather. The rest of us had to suffer from his lack of culinary appreciation until we managed to get out of the house. Now I swear by minimally seasoned and barely cooked steak. Om nom nom.

  36. 36.

    eemom

    April 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    @John Cole:

    I’m approaching +eleventy

    srsly? I never woulda guessed.

  37. 37.

    freelancer

    April 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm

    @John Cole:

    I’m approaching +eleventy

    At least you’re not going on an eBay spending spree. That has happened to me. The emails from PayPal and eBay the next day are amusing to be sure… “Uhm, okay, I don’t own any albums by the Black Keys. I guess I now own all of them.”

  38. 38.

    eemom

    April 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    Anyway, the rarer the better. Rare to raw. Yummm.

  39. 39.

    schrodinger's cat

    April 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    @John Cole: I hope you gave Tunch some steak! Also we need photos of the floofy one.

  40. 40.

    RalfW

    April 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    This is why I read BJ.

  41. 41.

    scav

    April 6, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    @eemom: ahhh, the multiple things that got me on the official Red Cross never-ever-take-blood-from list. Raw meat in France during the 80s: probably the most fun. Maybe.

  42. 42.

    Scott Supak

    April 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    Grass-fed beef is better for you, the animal, and the planet.

    We support our local farmers who grow New York grass-fed beef.

  43. 43.

    g

    April 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    OK, I promise

  44. 44.

    eemom

    April 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    @scav:

    When I cook with ground beef I gobble great chunks before it ever reaches the pan. Don’t tell my kids.

  45. 45.

    benmays

    April 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    We like to add the thick version of worcestershire sauce just for fun.

  46. 46.

    benmays

    April 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    We like to add the thick version of worcestershire sauce just for fun.

  47. 47.

    scav

    April 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    @eemom: OK, but shocking kids with the utter degeneracy of adults is another of my favorite hobbies, sigh. And uncooked meatloaf? merely adds the thrill of egg (and some spices) shhhh . . . .

  48. 48.

    fasteddie9318

    April 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    One quibble, Chef Flay, you sear the steak for the maillard reaction and the wonderful flavors created therein. That locking in the juices stuff is BS.

  49. 49.

    Scott Supak

    April 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    Soak in organic unfiltered olive oil for an hour before.

  50. 50.

    Woody

    April 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    One more OCD thing – salt’s gotta be coarse rather than refined like table salt.

    Did steaks for the extended fam tonight and suffered a fail – a rellie asked for well-done and I don’t think I passed “medium” – fwiw, “well done” doesn’t mean “burnt to a cinder”, but after years of rare-medium, “well done” is just . . . impossible.

    +Summit Northern Porter

  51. 51.

    Ron

    April 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

    @schrodinger’s cat: Shrimp is much trickier than steak. There’s a much smaller window between “undercooked” and “rubbery crap”

  52. 52.

    suzanne

    April 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

    Thank you for this. My husband’s birthday is in two weeks and I’m gonna buy him a grill. I’d like to get a gas grill, under $400. Anyone have any pointers/suggestions/recommendations?

    I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t know jack about cooking cows. But I’d like to learn how to do it for him really, awesomely well.

  53. 53.

    MikeJ

    April 7, 2012 at 12:03 am

    During the rest period, I like to put a little piece of bleu on the steak. Otherwise, spot on.

  54. 54.

    Ron

    April 7, 2012 at 12:04 am

    @Scott Supak: It is better. Sadly it costs a shit-ton more than ordinary beef.

  55. 55.

    eco2geek

    April 7, 2012 at 12:04 am

    Dunno if I can vouch for your method of grilling steaks, Cole. But I can vouch for your mastery of swear words.

    Damn, a steak sounds good right about now.

  56. 56.

    Ron

    April 7, 2012 at 12:05 am

    FWIW, if grilling is not possible/practical/desirable, my recommendation is to get heavy pan (cast iron is probably best) with a little oil good and hot on the stove. This allows you to get a nice crust on the surface.

  57. 57.

    David Koch

    April 7, 2012 at 12:06 am

    Mmmmmmm, the delicious taste of heart disease, with insulin sauce.

  58. 58.

    MattR

    April 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    Forget steak, most people can’t even cook shrimp properly.

    Depends on if they are four dollar shrimp or 27 cent shrimp?

  59. 59.

    Joey Maloney

    April 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

    Now if you REALLY want some awesomeness, dry-age that ribeye in your fridge for a day or so before cooking. Put it on a rack, unwrapped, on the bottom shelf, covered with a clean tea-towel. It’ll lose about 10-15% of its weight, all water, which will concentrate the flavors amazingly.

  60. 60.

    scav

    April 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

    @David Koch: Running with scissors is the point, no? !

  61. 61.

    Narcissus

    April 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

    Then I go over it with an acetylene torch to sear in the flavor, just like our forefathers.

  62. 62.

    orygunian

    April 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

    I ain’t gonna read all the comments, just gonna say that that rant is why I love you, John Cole of the big head.

  63. 63.

    trollhattan

    April 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

    @Narcissus:

    You people with your poncy grills make me sick. I just use a hot rock sitting in the sun, like a real man.

    Hot rock? Sheer luxury!!

    “Poncy” is definitely an underused adjective.

    As to burning steaks, etc. dudes like to fiddle too much. Sear side 1, flip, put the lid down and leave it alone until done. Simple. Whether you use a thermometer or the press method to determine doneness, leave the lid down in the meantime as much as it pains you to not fiddle.

    Ah, boeuf! (and salmon and chicken and pork loin and….)

  64. 64.

    j

    April 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

    NEVER salt meat before cooking it.

    The salt draws the moisture out of it.

  65. 65.

    TooManyJens

    April 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

    That “ball of your hand” method is about the strangest cooking instruction I’ve ever seen. I think my hand is wrong.

  66. 66.

    eemom

    April 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

    @scav:

    And uncooked meatloaf? merely adds the thrill of egg (and some spices) shhhh

    good heavens! Who ARE you, and how long have you been peering in my kitchen window??

  67. 67.

    MikeJ

    April 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

    Tonight, I didn’t cook bœuf, I cooked my first salmon of the season. Columbia river king, motherfuckers. And I cooked a carrot soufflé so I could have orange orange orange. And it was goooooood.

    I also had half a bottle of pinot noir with it. It was more purplish though, but it was decent too.

    To cook your salmon, put a slab of alder in a tub of water for a couple of hours. Slice your filets into 1.5″ slices and lay them on the plank. Throw the plank on the grill and make sure it doesn’t get too hot, around 350F (175C) or so. Flip it in about 10 minutes.

  68. 68.

    scav

    April 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

    @scav: I think I’ve just discovered my own motto: Choose your scissors and run like hell.

  69. 69.

    Comrade Luke

    April 7, 2012 at 12:17 am

    How long can you keep a steak in the fridge after you buy it, before it goes bad (I’m talking before cooking it).

    For me, the way to know if my steak is medium rare is easy: when the alarm goes off, it’s medium rare. Works every time.

  70. 70.

    eemom

    April 7, 2012 at 12:17 am

    @David Koch:

    oh, go eat an alfalfa sprouts sandwich before getting hit by a meteor. kthxbai.

  71. 71.

    suzanne

    April 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

    God. Meat-eating is so foreign to me. I have much to learn.

    You really touch the hot steak with the ball of your hand? This tells you… What, exactly?

    Are Weber grills any good?

  72. 72.

    eco2geek

    April 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

    @scav:

    Raw meat in France during the 80s: probably the most fun. Maybe.

    That reminds me of a story…

    @suzanne:

    I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t know jack about cooking cows. But I’d like to learn how to do it for him really, awesomely well.

    Pretty good definition of “love” there.

  73. 73.

    freelancer

    April 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

    @suzanne:

    You can find a grill that will do everything you need for a lot less than that, but if I had that as a budget for a grill I would pick up a Weber Q Series because not only are they very well built, but it’s actually portable so you can just take it off the stand and use it as a camping/tailgate grill too.

    http://www.amazon.com/Weber-586002-Portable-Outdoor-Propane/dp/B000WOVZ26/ref=sr_1_4?s=lawn-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1333772109&sr=1-4

    I don’t have a full-size propane grill (Apartment/HOA rules), so I just have a little Coleman tailgating grill which is pretty sweet.

  74. 74.

    Eastriver

    April 7, 2012 at 12:22 am

    buying the right steak is more important than how you cook it.* it’s pretty hard to fuck up prime, dry-aged meat. just don’t overcook it. if you’re a novice, and have to sneak a peek, do it. JUST DON’T OVERCOOK IT. And if you’re grilling thick steaks on the bone (which you should, if you have the choice), make a slit along between the meat and the bone, or the meat next to the bone will be much rarer than the rest.

  75. 75.

    JGabriel

    April 7, 2012 at 12:23 am

    @Narcissus:

    Then I go over it with an acetylene torch to sear in the flavor, just like our forefathers.

    That’s important. It’s the acetylene that gives the maillard reaction that new car smell.

    .

  76. 76.

    suzanne

    April 7, 2012 at 12:24 am

    @freelancer: I don’t want to spend that much if it’s overkill. I just want to get him something he’ll really like and will last. They have some at Costco for, like, a grand, and, just, oh HELL no.

    This is just so not my area of expertise. I am having a hard time differentiating between bells-and-whistles and actually-worth-the-money.

  77. 77.

    The Moar You Know

    April 7, 2012 at 12:25 am

    I was not expecting this on checking in. I agree with this post, however.

  78. 78.

    some guy

    April 7, 2012 at 12:25 am

    temp is key. sear on high heat, and then cook on low-medium. and yes, butter (and/or blue cheese) works well on salt n peppa steaks, but we like to use an olive oil/balsamic vinegar/garlic reduction on our NY Strips.

    let them set for 5 minutes, then add one more glaze.

  79. 79.

    The Golux

    April 7, 2012 at 12:25 am

    One of your best posts ever, John.

    My father used to grill steaks with quite a black crust that were still brilliant red inside, like warmed over carpaccio. London Broil, sliced thin on the bias. He tended to oversalt, but God those were great steaks.

    On the other hand, my son, who is a chef, just sent me this link, which contradicts John on some points. No grill involved. I’ll bite.

  80. 80.

    JGabriel

    April 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

    @TooManyJens:

    That “ball of your hand” method is about the strangest cooking instruction I’ve ever seen. I think my hand is wrong.

    It always makes me conscious of my hand, which makes it feel funny and, in consequence, neurotically useless for the next hour.

    .

  81. 81.

    some guy

    April 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

    You really touch the hot steak with the ball of your hand? This tells you… What, exactly?

    resistance is futile.

    it tells you how done the flesh is

  82. 82.

    TooManyJens

    April 7, 2012 at 12:28 am

    @JGabriel: Well, that’s just great. I’m neurotically useless 90% of the time as it is.

  83. 83.

    RossInDetroit

    April 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

    @reality-based:

    Not everyone needs more meat and less carbs. I haven’t eaten meat since 1994. I weigh 155 lbs and have for the last 35 years.
    I eat carbs by the plateful and never, ever drink any water. According to modern food paranoia I should be dead from carbs and no water but instead I’m very healthy. But that’s just me and I really don’t give a damn what anyone else eats. We’re omnivorous. And we should stop telling each other what foods are poisonous, perfect or immoral.

  84. 84.

    freelancer

    April 7, 2012 at 12:34 am

    @suzanne:

    I don’t want to say it’s overkill, because in a lot of cases you’re paying for quality. Like, I said, I’d go with the Weber if it was up to me, but my dad has a Charbroil that has a side burner he uses to boil corn on the cobb while he’s scorching the shit out of burgers and steaks (it’s HIM, not the grill). The frame is a little rusted on the bottom, but that’s because even with the cover, the Midwest gets a ton of moisture, not the biggest problem here in the Valley.

    So yeah the Costco behemoths that are up in the 1k range are ridiculous and probably ALL stainless steel with an LCD DVD player in them or something. You and yours aren’t going to need that. I’d look at the display models just to see burner placement. Basically you want the ability to get a lot of heat, that you can control, and that it distributes that heat evenly.

  85. 85.

    some guy

    April 7, 2012 at 12:35 am

    @Eastriver:

    yes. hard to find prime around here, but even choice cuts you have to look hard and long to find the right ones

  86. 86.

    some guy

    April 7, 2012 at 12:35 am

    @Eastriver:

    yes. hard to find prime around here, but even choice cuts you have to look hard and long to find the right ones

  87. 87.

    TooManyJens

    April 7, 2012 at 12:36 am

    @RossInDetroit: ::applause::

  88. 88.

    JoeShabadoo

    April 7, 2012 at 12:37 am

    Steak is hilarious because it makes people tell others that they are eating their meat wrong even if they like the way they do it. It is pretty much entirely bullshit, just cook it the way you want. Prime example of the bullshit people throw at you:

    SEARING DOES NOT KEEP IN THE JUICES. They studied this shit and found out it doesn’t do it at all. This is 100% fact. You may personally like it seared but its doesn’t keep in anything. Now many steak people admit this but somehow still want yo uto trust them 100% on everything else. Everything people say is simply preference and how this bullshit spread around the world and is still widely “known” shows how there is no correct way to cook a steak. Marinate it, don’t; salt it, don’t, just make it how you like it.

  89. 89.

    David Koch

    April 7, 2012 at 12:37 am

    Paula Deen says pass the liptor.

  90. 90.

    NotMax

    April 7, 2012 at 12:38 am

    Cannot abide the taste of crystalline salt (don’t even keep any in the house).

    Some Worcestershire (that is plenty salty), a light sprinkle of garlic powder and lots of coarse ground back pepper is my preference.

    And (sacrilege of sacrileges) I use an indoor electric grill – ceramic vessel with a removable electric element that sits inside it and a standard barbecue grill on top and has a funnel-shaped insert which holds some water to catch the drippings so there is next to no smoke in the air while cooking to my preferred optimum doneness of medium well.

  91. 91.

    suzanne

    April 7, 2012 at 12:38 am

    @freelancer: Thanks for the advice. I’m gonna go pick one out tomorrow. I’ve been researching and I’m still fraught with indecision. This is because I could happily subsist on soup, salad, pasta, and sandwiches.

    Speaking of food, have you checked out DeFalco’s on Scottsdale Road yet? Best deli in the Valley.

  92. 92.

    some guy

    April 7, 2012 at 12:39 am

    if you plan on using Charcoal, pay the Weber premium. 2nd gas grille is right done fucked, bought a new grille (14 dollars US at Lowes) and the Weber my wife bought me 15 years ago is good to go.

    got too addicted to the ease of propane, dagnabbit

  93. 93.

    suzanne

    April 7, 2012 at 12:43 am

    @some guy: I was gonna get a gas grill. He has a charcoal grill he bought at a garage sale that he doesn’t like using because the briquettes are a pain. It’s also tiny, and I know he’d like to be able to cook a couple of steaks at a time when we have people over.

  94. 94.

    trollhattan

    April 7, 2012 at 12:45 am

    @The Golux:

    Dear lord, I’ve never seen a piece of boeuf marbled like that. Never.

    Want.

  95. 95.

    feebog

    April 7, 2012 at 12:46 am

    I use a gas grill, charcol takes too much time and I don’t have all that much left at my age. John has it about right. I don’t move the steak except to turn it, don’t care if the grill marks only go in one direction. Also, I don’t use salt. Garlic Garni, which you can get online is a marvelous substitute for salt on any red meat.

  96. 96.

    trollhattan

    April 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

    @some guy:

    Two Three words: Big Green Egg. I went from Weber charcoal to Weber gas to BGE and am still sold ten years later. I keep the gas grill for backup and because Webers never croak, but the Egg’s the thang.

  97. 97.

    Jager

    April 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

    @suzanne: Weber grills are great, the trick is knowing how to build the fire.

    Mario Battali said when asked how to cook a steak like a great steak house, replied. “take a good heavy pan and heat it until it frightens you, sear both sides, stick it in oven at 400 degrees for 5 minutes for rare, 7 for med rare. Put a pat of butter on it before you put it in the oven, salt and pepper, toss in mushroom and onion. Let it rest for 10 minutes and eat it.

    Works for lamb, hamburgers, etc, etc, etc. You canput bleu cheese on it or what ever during the resting period.

  98. 98.

    joel hanes

    April 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

    none of you put a little garlic in the butter ?

    no one does mushrooms with ?

    If you live within a hundred miles of the Northwestern Steakhouse in Mason City Iowa it’s worth the drive. They don’t take reservations, the help is brusque to the point of surly, and nothing has changed in close to seventy years. But oh the dry-aged beef.

  99. 99.

    PeakVT

    April 7, 2012 at 12:50 am

    How does a society this obese not know how to fucking cook?

    Or maybe it’s how does a society that can’t cook expect to not be obese?

  100. 100.

    some guy

    April 7, 2012 at 12:51 am

    @trollhattan:

    thinking about an egg.

  101. 101.

    freelancer

    April 7, 2012 at 12:53 am

    @suzanne:

    No I haven’t, but that’s like a five minute drive from my place. I definitely will have to check it out. Best restaurant I’ve been to down here, or anywhere in my life really is Cafe Monarch. It’s pricey and cash-only and you don’t want to bring the kids, but it may have been the best meal I’ve ever had. It’s a couple blocks West of Scottsdale near Indian School. If you go, you’d want to call ahead and tell the chef you’re a vegetarian. Chris will probably come up with something that will blow our mind.

  102. 102.

    some guy

    April 7, 2012 at 12:55 am

    the ease of use with propane is amazing. 5 minutes later you are good to go, and with a 4 burner unit you can modulate the heat for both steak and scallops (searing is crucial) and with 2 kids ease of use is importasnt.

    will probably convert the Weber kettle into a smoker for the ribs.

  103. 103.

    wag

    April 7, 2012 at 12:55 am

    @j:

    The salt draws the moisture out of it.

    and that would be the point of salting the meat.

    Drying the exterior makes it grill better. if your don’t dry it you might as well just boil it in a large pot of water.

  104. 104.

    NotMax

    April 7, 2012 at 12:55 am

    Comrade Luke Says:
    __
    How long can you keep a steak in the fridge after you buy it, before it goes bad (I’m talking before cooking it).

    Depends on the cut of meat and when it was packaged at the store. Removed from the market packaging, patted dry and then wrapped tightly in foil (air and extraneous refrigerator odors are your enemy in this case), day 4 after purchase is pushing the outside edge of the envelope, IMHO. Your mileage may vary also depending on where it is placed in the fridge, how often the fridge is opened and how much other stuff is in the fridge.

  105. 105.

    CaseyL

    April 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

    I was raised by parents who had phobias about germs in meat. Everything – steak, pork chops, lamb chops – was Very Well Done (we could, no lie, pick up the pork chops by the bone and eat them like crunchy lollipops). I grew up liking meat that way.

    I have tried to re-educate my palate, and have managed to like medium-well, where there’s still a little pink in the middle. But no blood, dear god no, and not a lot of juice.

    The latest thing is ordering steak “blue,” so that it’s still practically raw. It makes me wonder if people who like meat “blue” wouldn’t be happier just ripping the hide off a freshly-killed critter and chowing down while the limbs are still twitching.

  106. 106.

    wag

    April 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

    @TooManyJens:

    I think my hand is wrong.

    no, your hand is right. Trust your hand.

  107. 107.

    justdale

    April 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

    John said “season with salt and pepper”, he should have said brine it

    [No, it’s not going to taste salty. You wash off the salt after it has denatured the meat proteins.]

  108. 108.

    suzanne

    April 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

    @freelancer: Will definitely check it out. Pizzeria Bianco is my favorite restaurant in the Valley. The three-hour wait is worth it. Lon’s at the Hermosa is also very good. Chino Bandito is an amazing cheap meal.

  109. 109.

    trollhattan

    April 7, 2012 at 1:02 am

    @some guy:

    Have to say, I grill more since I got mine than I ever did before. Not to get all McMeganie, but it made be a better cook. Only use lump charcoal, never briquets, and an electric starter (of which I go through one a year). It’s truly dead simple, once you get the hang of it. I should add they oversell the “smoker” aspect, it’s more a high-tech kamado pot. At least my medium won’t do a six-hour 200-degree slow smoke.

    Tough question is which size. Mine’s good for a small family but not big enuf for the whole turkey. Half, no prob.

  110. 110.

    NotMax

    April 7, 2012 at 1:12 am

    Sharing a secret I’ve been using for 50 years or so regarding sauteing mushrooms.

    Slice the mushrooms and saute in real butter (do not let the butter brown).

    When ‘shrooms are softened and darkened to where you like them, pour off the cooking liquid and throw in a small splash (about one capful per serving) of Jack Daniels to the pan with the cooked mushrooms, return to heat and let that boil or steam off (takes maybe 30 seconds). Pour off any remaining liquid. Imparts a luscious, full-bodied flavor to those too often bland supermarket button-type mushrooms.

  111. 111.

    wag

    April 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

    @CaseyL:

    CaseyL Says:

    I was raised by parents who had phobias about germs in meat.

    the key to releasing yourself from this paranoia is recognizing the difference between ground meat, where any bacteria present on the meat are evenly spread throughout the meat mixture, and a good steak or other solid piece of meat, where any bacteria are found only on the surface of the meat.

    This is important because a 500 degree grill will sterilize the outside surface of a steak in a matter of a few seconds. the interior of the steak will be safe, despite being heated to barely above room temperature.

    A burger, on the other hand, consists of meat from many different animals, all mixed together. If only one of the animals is contaminated with E. coli, the whole burger is contaminated. As a result, one MUST cook the burger to an adequate temperature to sterilize the ENTIRE burger in order for it to be safe.

    In conclusion
    Rare steak– excellent
    Rare hamburger–living dangerously

  112. 112.

    freelancer

    April 7, 2012 at 1:19 am

    @suzanne:

    42 Seats and a 3 hour wait! Does their pizza have crack in it?!

  113. 113.

    suzanne

    April 7, 2012 at 1:23 am

    @freelancer: Maybe. It’s incredible. And I’m not a pizza nut, but holy God, it’s amazing. The wait is tempered by the wine bar next door.

    Want. Now.

  114. 114.

    freelancer

    April 7, 2012 at 1:31 am

    Yeah this whole thread has made me starving. So I nuked up some edamame.

  115. 115.

    Martin

    April 7, 2012 at 1:33 am

    Pretty good advice, Cole. I’d add the following:

    + Higher heat. I cook mine with the Weber at full – 700+ degrees.
    + Because you want no moisture on the outside to interfere with the maillard reaction – which gets you that great sear/crust and flavor at around 500 deg, put come corn starch in a powdered sugar shaker and give the steak a light coating on each side and shove the steaks in the freezer for 20-30 min. You’ll never even know the corn starch was there, and freezing it allows you to give it a bit more sear without drying the inside.
    + Don’t go light on the salt/pepper. Kosher or sea salt – coarser the better. Coarse grind on the pepper.
    + And a pat of butter on there while it rests.

    But resting is key as you note. It’s the easiest step and people don’t do it.

  116. 116.

    andy

    April 7, 2012 at 1:34 am

    Yep, once you get the OS, meat cookery kind of gets all self-explanatory. A big help was careful study of the work of Alton Brown on the subject.

  117. 117.

    EvenPETAHatesMe

    April 7, 2012 at 2:02 am

    I could never get the hang of cooking great steaks – That’s why I go to quality steak places like “Golden Corral” for my steaks.

  118. 118.

    Chris T.

    April 7, 2012 at 2:11 am

    As several said, “searing doesn’t seal”. It does make things tasty though. The reason is that it converts some of the protein to complex molecules (“heterocyclic amines“) that are tasty and carcinogenic. Mmm, carcinogens. :-)

    (Seriously, there’s normally not enough of them on there to worry about. Just don’t burn the steak to a crisp.)

  119. 119.

    Jay S

    April 7, 2012 at 2:36 am

    @suzanne: OK, if briquettes are a pain then you need to ignore the big green egg stuff and most of the advice you are getting. Propane is fine, if you have natural gas you might consider a grill that can convert to it for economy and ease of use. I’ve used a 2 burner and mostly use a smoker, but for ease of use I would look for a four burner with a side burner for boiling stuff. You want to have the ability for indirect heat for some things. A two or three burner can do that but a 4 burner will give more control. You can get that for $200+. At Costco you are paying for stainless. It won’t help you cook better. It may make you feel better about how it looks. The main thing that improves the longevity is the quality of the burners and the grill components. Most of the under $400 grills I have seen don’t have significant differences in the burners. They do vary in the grills and the parts between the grill and the burner. But mostly the price difference is in the exterior which has little to do with cooking.

  120. 120.

    elaine benes

    April 7, 2012 at 2:51 am

    According to America’s Test Kitchen, you should salt meat and then let it rest about an hour before cooking.

    It’s true that the salt does draw out the moisture. Let it sit a while and it makes a brine on the surface which is then re-absorbed nicely into the meat.

    They had charts and shit explaining the science of it all.

  121. 121.

    Ruckus

    April 7, 2012 at 4:17 am

    OK I’ll play.
    I lightly coat both sides with organic, not toasted, sesame oil, sea salt, pepper, and garlic powder(not garlic salt). Grill, flip, grill, plate, wait, and eat. Fish same way without the garlic. Stake good, fish good, me like.

  122. 122.

    John Weiss

    April 7, 2012 at 5:37 am

    @Ron: Ron, cook dose shrimpies until the’re barely pink. Rest ’em as you would steak. It’s fun to soak them for a bit, say fife to ten minutes in something acid, lime, rice wine with what you like, no longer! Flop ’em on the hot grill for a couple of minutes each side, less if they turn pink. Rest under cover for a couple more minutes, add more lime to taste. Bonzaii!

  123. 123.

    John Weiss

    April 7, 2012 at 5:45 am

    @Ruckus: For a once in a lifetime kick with shrimp,try Paul Produme’s reipe for shrimp in butter. Shrimp Diane. Fresh arisan bread an beer. You’ll bless you mama for makin’ you here!

    Youser!

  124. 124.

    Yeggo

    April 7, 2012 at 6:26 am

    I’d make one small change – a trick I learned while working a grill for 6 years as the chef at a local steakhouse:

    Put one set of marks on each side before cross-hatching each side. In other words, start the steak out oriented thusly:

    /

    Then flip and cook the other side the same way:

    /

    Once both sides are marked, turn and flip:

    \

    and then flip once more to finish:

    \

    This avoids the meat contracting too much on one side, arching, and leaving the other side bereft of marks. If you’ve ever had a too-thin pork chop end up looking like a bowl, you’re familiar with the principle.

  125. 125.

    Susan

    April 7, 2012 at 7:55 am

    I do pretty much everything John indicates except I only let it rest 2-3 minutes, works great!

  126. 126.

    tjlabs

    April 7, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Take it from an old restaurant owner. Searing is super important and it’s not an old wife’s tale. Great steak houses like Peter Luger’s in Brooklyn or Roots in Summit, NJ use high temp broilers which sear at up to 1500 degrees. One thing you might try adding to your prep is rubbing some really good extra virgin olive oil on the steak before hitting the grill.

  127. 127.

    Ash

    April 7, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Red meat is disgusting.

  128. 128.

    Lojasmo

    April 7, 2012 at 9:22 am

    @Ron:

    But less than salmon, and an equivalent bang for your nutritional buck. Grain fed beef isn’t even close (agribusiness practices aside)

  129. 129.

    Neddie Jingo

    April 7, 2012 at 9:55 am

    I’m a Weber devotee. The ovoid shape of the thing is no accident; with the top on, it allows circulation of air and smoke around the meat.

    Here’s the trick with a Weber:

    I use a chimney-style charcoal starter — no nasty lighter-fluid smell, tyvm. When the coals are good and hot in the starter, pour them into two piles on the grate. Leave a good, wide space between the two piles. When you’ve got the griddle over the coals and heated up nicely (a little PAM so it’s not sticky), put your steaks over the heat to sear. Turn ’em as usual until they’re about halfway to doneness. Then (and here’s the trick) move them to the center so they’re no longer over the heat. Put the Weber top on, so you’re creating, in effect, an oven. The searing will have put some drippings into the coals, which will now start to smoke heavily. What you’ve got now is an oven filled with smoke. A minute or two later, test for doneness (palm of the hand? What’s wrong with your [clean] fingertips?), won’t take long. Then rest the steaks and serve.

    Oh, mama. That’s some good eatin’. This works beautifully with just about anything — burgers, corn on the cob (wrapped in foil) chicken…

    Me so hungee now.

  130. 130.

    Neddie Jingo

    April 7, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Just by the way….

    Mario Batali was in my senior class in high school. We used to meet on the Moncloa district of Madrid Friday nights, split a 1000-peseta chunk of fine Moroccan hash, toke up as much of it as we could handle — and perhaps a little more — and hit the tapas bars. He turned me on to patatas bravas, which I would still sell my mother down the river for a mere mouthful of. Oh, and my first calamares sammitch, in a hero roll that still makes me weep when I remember it.

    Good dude. Good times (as much of it as I remember).

  131. 131.

    Schlemizel

    April 7, 2012 at 10:06 am

    @Joey Maloney:
    Agreed – although I don’t think it will lose that much weight in a day, it’ll take 2-3 at least and the improvement in flavor is unbelievable. Some of the really high-end steak places will sell you a cut that has been sitting 3 weeks – its very expensive because it weights half as much as it did fresh & tastes . . . lets call it ‘gamey’. But a few days to a week are a real eye-opener

  132. 132.

    Schlemizel

    April 7, 2012 at 10:10 am

    @RossInDetroit:
    I found it hilarious when carbs became “fattening” Because all those diets high in rice and bread produce all those hugely overweight people in Japan and India etc.

    That big mac won’t hurt you if you just don’t eat the bun!?

  133. 133.

    Schlemizel

    April 7, 2012 at 10:20 am

    @CaseyL:
    I had an uncle who used to tell the waiter “wound the cow & run her by the table”. I used to like steak tartar (you have to be very careful about where you get the meat) so its not the raw that gets me. I could eat a steak anyway from from rare to med-well but not that fond of cold centers or burnt to a crisp well.

  134. 134.

    ThresherK

    April 7, 2012 at 10:44 am

    @elaine benes: Cooks’ Illustrated also had a bit about warming a steak’s interior to ~95F in a 275F oven, then putting the crust on it afterwards. (No cite; probably in the last 2 years.)

    Being the geeks they are, they took the whole “What if we let it go to room temp” and tested the heck out of it. When “room temp” can be 64F, like in winter around here, it sorta makes sense.

    That has worked fine for me, but may vary depending on the thickness of the steak.

  135. 135.

    Jennifer

    April 7, 2012 at 11:09 am

    A coupla things: first, I’d argue that the thing that most ruins a good steak is overcooking. I can’t wrap my head around anyone taking a juicy, tender, delicious steak and cooking it well-done. Takes all of the tenderness out of it. If you want to eat tough meat, buy a cheaper cut.

    Second, I find that I prefer my grilled steaks completely unseasoned. I find that if they’re cooked properly – to a nice medium rare – they don’t need anything added – the flavor of the meat is perfect just as is. I don’t even salt it when I eat it. Then again, just about all processed and restaurant foods taste too salty to me, so it may just be that I’m more sensitive to salt than others – YMMV.

  136. 136.

    rachel

    April 7, 2012 at 11:34 am

    I’ve had good luck with blade steaks cooked sous vide at 58°C until tender, and seared after. I serve it with a pan sauce make of the meat juices.

    ETA: the temperature I cook the steaks to is a compromise between how my husband likes his steaks (medium) and how I like mine (medium-rare). You don’t have to cook them to this temp.

  137. 137.

    Beauzeaux

    April 7, 2012 at 11:36 am

    “Searing in the juices” is an old-husband’s tale. Cook’s Illustrated tested it and found it to be false.

    Their report: We weighed eight 1¼-inch-thick rib-eye steaks and divided them into two batches. We seared the first batch in a skillet over high heat until a brown crust formed, then cooked the steaks in a 250-degree oven until they reached an internal temperature of 125 degrees. For the second batch we reversed the order, first placing the steaks in the oven until they reached approximately 110 degrees, then searing them until an equally well-browned crust developed and their interiors hit 125 degrees.

    RESULTS

    We weighed the steaks after cooking and averaged the results, then compared them with the average weight of the steaks before cooking. We found that both sets of steak lost nearly an identical amount of liquid: around 22 percent of their weight.

    BOTTOM LINE

    If searing truly seals in juices, the steaks seared first (while raw) would have had more moisture trapped inside them than the steaks seared after cooking in the oven.

  138. 138.

    HeartlandLiberal

    April 7, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Start with good natural beef that is not full of antibiotics and hormones, too.

    We now buy all our beef at our local food co-op we are members of, which now has three stores in town. It gets much of its beef and pork from two local farms that guarantee no antibiotics or growth hormones or unnatural feed which might include waster products from other animals. It is absolutely delicious. You open the sealed package and it smells sweet and clean.

    I am about to prepare both steak and liver and onions in a few minutes that will feed us through tomorrow with left overs, matched with potatoes and green peas and carrots for vegetables. One of my favorite meals.

    FWIW, they will be done pan fried in olive oil, not grilled. We have not untied the grill from the deck railing where it was secured for the winter under its cover. Even in warm weather I tie it to the railings, after one big gust of wind knocked it over on a bright sunny day last summer.

    On a totally unrelated note, a friend and I just got back from driving out into the country to see Tulip Trestle in Greene County. Built in 1907, it is a rail trestle that bridges a small valley, and is the third longest of its type in the world, longest in the USA. I shot several dozen pictures, and lucked up with one. Two hawks were sitting on top of the trestle. I got them with the telephoto, each lifting one wing to warm in the early sun, while right over their head in the sky the contrail of a passenger jet drew a white line parallel with the trestle they were sitting on the edge of. The ultimate photographer’s luck. It look like they are saluting the passing airplane. Made my day.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tulip_Viaduct

    The trestle is still in use. Indiana Railroad, a new local freight carrier that has build a successful business over the past decade plus, runs three or four trains a day over it, from what I have read. Their web site has a great picture:

    http://www.inrd.com/

  139. 139.

    Strangepork

    April 7, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    @j: Not really true. Red meat in particular benefits from salting. The salt draws moisture to the surface of the meat, putting the salt into solution. Some of that salt and moisture is then reabsorbed into the meat (thanks osmosis!) seasoning it and affecting changes to the proteins that allow them to retain more of their own moisture during cooking. Salting = juicier, more flavorful meat.

  140. 140.

    Wombat

    April 7, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Sorry, John, I have to call you out here. When you sear a steak, you do not seal the juices in, you simply denature the outer layer of cells.Try this experiment; take a cast iron pan and heat very hot. Sear your steak on every side then put it on a plate for ten minutes. When you return you will find the meat in a pool of liquid. The real reason for searing a steak is the browning process, a sequence of about 200 chemical reactions that change the taste of the meat.
    I refer you to Harold McGee;s Curious Cook for this and more kitchen chemistry.
    Best.

  141. 141.

    castello

    April 7, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Wash it off in cold water? I’ve never ever heard that. I can wait about 2 and a half minutes when done right. Ten minutes and you’ve got cold steak even when tented.

  142. 142.

    Steve S

    April 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Let the meat rest, but it doesn’t redistribute any juices. As the juices cool they thicken and won’t shoot out of the meat when you cut it.

  143. 143.

    Larkspur

    April 8, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Who has a helpful suggestion for me, please oh please? I’ve lived in my very modest, pleasant apartment for a long time. My new next-door neighbors have just begun their patio barbeque season, and they love the lighter fluid. Their barbecue is within a yard or two of my bedroom window (there’s really no other place they can put it due to the configuration of their patio). I close the window but it still permeates the place.

    I’m not gonna make a thing about it or tell the landlord or whatever. High density apartment living is all about accommodation. They seem like a nice family, and I don’t feel like there’s anything that I can do or suggest that won’t either cost me money (“Here is a present for you! It is a shiny new Weber!”) or make me come off as curmudgeonly.

    I am willing to spend a modest amount of money for some kind of occasional-use room air filter machine. Is there even one that works on lighter-fluid smell? I think the stinky little smell-molecules are too tiny for filtering.

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    April 8, 2012 at 8:00 am

    […] attached. That said, I do love a good steak as well, so when I see one of my favorite bloggers ranting about the simple mistakes people make that ruin good steak, I pay attention. The rules he outlines are simple enough that even I, no culinary genius, can […]

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