This really happened, apparently, but I can find damn little information on the flightless counterinsurgency. MSNBC inexcusably relegates THE story to an introductory clause, an item in a list and then posts boring shite everyone already knows about Gingrich’s awful, awful campaign:
The day after Newt Gingrich was bit by a penguin at a zoo, he acknowledged he is “the underdog” and said his campaign began renting their donor list because they needed money.
[snip]Following a tour of the NASCAR museum, Gingrich said he spoke with Santorum in St. Louis, Mo. but only briefly. (This was the same day the Speaker visited the St. Louis Zoo, was nipped by a penguin and met a tiger named Callista – just like his wife, he joked to reporters.)
Jaysus! Where are the photos of the penguin attack? Where is the site a grateful public can use to contribute money to purchase herring treats for that penguin? As for Callista the tigress, somehow, it made me think of this:
There was a young lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
Newt has to sleep some time.
MikeBoyScout
Just one more reason to root for the Pens for the Cup!
Linda Featheringill
And some people consider penguins to be a lower form of intelligent life. Hmmph!
beltane
What a smart penguin! Animals are better judges of human character than most humans are.
Villago Delenda Est
Give that penguin a shoe to throw, too!
rachel
Gingrich smelled fishy.
ruemara
Can we run the penguin for 2016?
dr. bloor
If you really want to make Newt miserable, Betty, send him a few of your chickens.
rachel
@ruemara: Was it hatched in America?
Mark S.
The WSJ tells the GOP how to win the war on women: Get rid of progressive taxation and the 40-hour work week! I think I could add to this list:
1. Get rid of child labor laws. Single mothers could put their munchkins to work to provide more money for the family.
2. Repeal taxes on capital gains, dividends, estates, and interest. By freeing job creators of these onerous burdens, there will be more jobs for women.
Amir Khalid
@Mark S.:
The headline “Winning the War against Women” rather gives their game away, doesn’t it?
Amir Khalid
Re Penguin vs. Noot:
I hate this headline:
In the passive voice, the verb is always used in the past participle, not the imperfect. Like this:
Harrumph.
And yes, nothing in Noot’s bluster, none of his excuses for his feeble showing in the primaries, is new or noteworthy. The penguin — name? Male or female? How old? Hatched in the wild or at the zoo? Friendly, prone to biting, or did Noot provoke it? — should definitely have been the story. The tigress Callista, also too.
arguingwithsignposts
@Mark S.: That’s funny, the article is unsigned.
Cheryl from Maryland
Is the penguin okay? I can’t see Newt as anything but pure poison.
Amir Khalid
@arguingwithsignposts:
That means it’s the opinion of the Wall Street Journal’s editorial board as a whole, not of any one person. And the editorial board are by definition Rupert’s own senior people, so you know where their sympathies lie.
Bex
@Amir Khalid: What if, say, Joe Biden had been bitten by a penguin? Screaming headlines for two weeks running, guaranteed.
Marcellus Shale, Public Dick
callista is the tiger in the tank of bankrupt thinking.
Tehanu
@Cheryl from Maryland:
Maybe we should all chip in and buy the penguin a life membership in the NRA along with those herring treats.
Splitting Image
Politicians are known for neglecting the flightless waterfowl vote. (Too short to reach the voting booth.) That sort of thing always comes back to bite a party in the ass.
Naturally it was Newt that got bitten.
Frankensteinbeck
Of course you can’t find more, Betty. This is REAL news. Our modern journalists won’t touch real news with a ten foot cocktail toothpick.
@Splitting Image:
I see what you did there, Milo.
gocart mozart
I hope the poor penguin doesn’t get rabies.
Villago Delenda Est
@Mark S.:
Tumbrel rides for every motherfucker on the WSJ editorial board.
That’s the ticket.
Maude
Bet it was an Adele Penguin. They are lively little things. I’ll get him or her a box of fresh krill.
RepubAnon
Where’s Burgess Merideth when you need him?
FlipYrWhig
After all the conservative bluster about Happy Feet, I think this counts as the waterfowl equivalent of a glitter-bombing.
Anon
The penguin exhibit at the St. Louis zoo is awesome. And there are signs everywhere telling visitors not to stick their hands over the glass. In short, the exhibit is an enclosed walkthrough space with 4-5 foot tall glass holding back pools on either side that top out about 6 inches from the top of the glass. The pools are about 6-8 feet wide and then the land part is behind them. The penguins are swimming all over the place, and it is really fun to watch them swim past. Must have been even more fun to watch them nip fat fingers.
mbuchel
Trying to get the mobile site. Sorry.
Uncle Glenny
I can’t believe no one asked Batman to comment on this.
randalms
The article does not mention it, but I’m pretty sure that the penguin was Rescued from the waters off FUKUSHIMA Japan !!!! It was a RADIOACTIVE PENGUIN!
Do you realize that this will give the Newtron man the Proportionate strength
of a Penguin !!
See if you can remember the tune this is supposed to go to:
PenguinMan PenguinMan
Does whatever a penguin can
Eats up Herrings, any size,
Takes superPacCash, just like flies
Look Out!
Here comes the PenguinMan!
Is he Wrong?
Listen bots,
Hes got radioactive thughts,
Can he spin like a top?
Take a look on the Fox
Hey There,
There goes the PenguinMan.
In the chill of night,
At the scene of debate
Like a tuxedoed liar
He eviscerates!
PenguinMan, PenguinMan
…..
k55f
Tom Tomorrow was sighted in the neighborhood…