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You are here: Home / Fully qualified to be your man

Fully qualified to be your man

by DougJ|  April 30, 20123:54 pm| 111 Comments

This post is in: Green Balloons

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Heh.

Representative Paul D. Ryan strolls the halls of Capitol Hill with the anarchist band Rage Against the Machine pounding through his earbuds.

At 6:30 every morning, he leads an adoring cast of young, conservative members of Congress through exercise sessions in front of a televised trainer barking out orders. For fun, Mr. Ryan noodles catfish, catching them barehanded with a fist down their throats.

He may be, as a friend described him, “a hunting-obsessed gym rat,” but Mr. Ryan, 42, of Wisconsin, has become perhaps the most influential policy maker in the Republican Party, its de facto head of economic policy, intent on a fundamental transformation of the federal government.

Ed Kilgore (I have my doubts him too) nails it:

Wow. Half-Wonk, Half-Jock. Half-Objectivist, Half-Catholic. Half-Punk, Half-Wall Street. Paul Ryan is like a projected fantasy of what every high school Young Republican wants to be when he grows up. No wonder GOPers and reporters alike are writing his name all over their notebooks

Put me in mind a bit of something I read on gendered marketing:

All Bran for Women. Feeling bloated? Sluggish? All Bran will give you the energy to cope with all that tricky multitasking. Why not try it with some yoghurt?

All Bran for Men. MAN BRAN! MASSIVE CHUNKS OF BRAN SO HUGE YOU CAN BARELY FIT THEM IN YOUR GOB! THIS CEREAL TRULY IS A CHALLENGE!

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Reader Interactions

111Comments

  1. 1.

    James Gary

    April 30, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    I naturally assumed the first block quote was from the Onion. Silly me.

  2. 2.

    BGinCHI

    April 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Exactly right. A lot of young, strapping GOPers want to put some Ryan in their gobs.

    You know what other ethos was fond of the Cult of Personality?

  3. 3.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    April 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    @James Gary: Me too. Fished in!

  4. 4.

    PeakVT

    April 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Representative Paul D. Ryan strolls the halls of Capitol Hill with the anarchist band Rage Against the Machine pounding through his earbuds.

    There’s something fundamentally wrong with conservatives’ brains.

  5. 5.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    April 30, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    What, what, that isn’t snark?

  6. 6.

    Marcellus Shale, Public Dick

    April 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    I would love to live in a world so connected that an intrepid reporter at one of our start-up, ground-floor, nextgen, news outlets like the new york times might be able to reach out to members of RATM for their comments on talleyrandpaul ryan and the inspiration he draws from their music.

  7. 7.

    wenchacha

    April 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    I’m telling you: he’s Gabe from The Office.

    And he never heard of Richard Thompson, either.

  8. 8.

    cthulhu

    April 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    As some of the commenters over at Kilgore noted, Ryan’s either not listening to RATM’s lyrics or has quite a skewed interpretation. I’d like to see what the members of the band think about this.

  9. 9.

    Mark S.

    April 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    For fun, Mr. Ryan noodles catfish, catching them barehanded with a fist down their throats.

    What the hell does that mean?

  10. 10.

    The Snarxist Formerly Known as Kryptik

    April 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    @cthulhu:

    Wouldn’t be the first time a band had fans that fundamentally got their message totally backwards. Unfortunately this one has political power.

  11. 11.

    uptown

    April 30, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    @cthulhu:

    …pounding through his earbuds

    He just turns it up so loud, that he can’t understand the lyrics.

  12. 12.

    PeakVT

    April 30, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    This time the bullet cold rocked ya
    A yellow ribbon instead of a swastika
    Nothin’ proper about ya propaganda
    Fools follow rules when the set commands ya

    Clearly a call for tax cuts for the 1%.

  13. 13.

    Hill Dweller

    April 30, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    I think Kilgore was correct when he said Jonathan Chait has to be cursing his luck after publishing his evisceration of Ryan a day before this fan-fic was published in the NYT.

  14. 14.

    Martin

    April 30, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    @Mark S.: There’s a show about it!

    Basically, catfish live under rocks and logs and stuff. So if you’re too poor or impatient to fish for them conventionally, you wander around your local river, shove your hand under promising looking rocks and logs, hope the catfish bites at your hand, and haul him out. Dinner.

    I never tried it with catfish, but I used to catch crawfish for bait by sticking my thumb under smaller rocks and pulling out the ones that clamped on. This was in the north, so they were tiny. Not the eating kind, obviously.

  15. 15.

    butler

    April 30, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    @Mark S.: Exactly what it sounds like: he wades out into a stream, sticks his hand into a muddy river hole, hopes the catfish bites down on his hands, and then pulls the fish out.

    I believe its also called “Hillbilly Handfishing”. Never would have figured Ryan for the type, seems way too stuck up for noodling. Or RATM. Or exercise classes.

  16. 16.

    El Cid

    April 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    What about steely-eyed staring into the distance, almost as if he could see the storm clouds on the horizon, and hoping he has the resolve to help carry his fellow Americans through that storm?

  17. 17.

    ThatLeftTurnInABQ

    April 30, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Wow. Half-Wonk, Half-Jock. Half-Objectivist, Half-Catholic. Half-Punk, Half-Wall Street.

    __
    Something’s missing from this list. Hmmmm…
    __
    Oh, yes.
    __

    Wow. Half-Wonk, Half-Jock. Half-Objectivist, Half-Catholic. Half-Punk, Half-Wall Street, Half-Assed, Half-Wit.

    __
    Much better.

  18. 18.

    Linda Featheringill

    April 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    @Mark S.:

    Noodling fish:

    Long ago and far away, we participated in that charming little activity. The goal was to catch fish with your hands. Catfish were caught more often because they’re kind of slow and lazy.

    Now in my neck of the woods, people joined up with neighbors/friends/etc. because it’s easier that way. The whole harvest was divided up at the end of the day.

    I don’t think the fish enjoyed it as much as the humans did.

  19. 19.

    General Stuck

    April 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    @Mark S.:

    We used to call it “graveling” in Kentucky. It is where you wade into rivers when catfish are on their nest, usually under rock ledges along the banks, and you reach down in the water there and grab the adult catfish. They will not leave the nest, so you can wrangle them, but navigate around their sharp barbed fins. I never did it, but watched my older relatives do it.

  20. 20.

    Martin

    April 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    My wife and I crack up at the Dr Pepper 10 ads that lay the gender marketing thing bare. It’s Diet Dr Pepper with explosions.

  21. 21.

    chopper

    April 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    and in his spare time he starves old people.

  22. 22.

    ThatLeftTurnInABQ

    April 30, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    @butler:

    Never would have figured Ryan for the type, seems way too stuck up for noodling.

    __
    It gets a lot easier when you drain almost all of the water out of the stream so the poor fish are flopping around half-dead. Too bad about those premium watering hydro-vouchers, it sounded like a good idea at the time.

  23. 23.

    El Cid

    April 30, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    I bet he’d be the only one on the scene with enough focus and courage when someone’s home is on fire to shout ‘where’s Sally,’ and then run into the burning building and save someone’s poor daughter?

    Oh, wait, I must be thinking of Cory Booker.

  24. 24.

    Mark S.

    April 30, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    I googled it:

    Noodling is fishing for catfish using only bare hands, practiced primarily in the southern United States. The noodler places his hand inside a discovered catfish hole. Many other names, such as catfisting, grabbling, graveling, hogging, dogging, gurgling, tickling and stumping, are used in different regions for the same activity.

    Also, too

    noodling in pairs is considered important for safety, and also makes it a more social activity, with noodling partners often forming long-term partnerships.

  25. 25.

    SatanicPanic

    April 30, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    These people are worse than Bieber fans

  26. 26.

    Martin

    April 30, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    @butler: Noodling is trendy with the upscale class to re-explore their roots, or some shit. There’s a whole cottage industry developing to take young urban professionals and teach them how to stand in water without Lands End boots and shove their fists under rocks.

    We’re all in the wrong business.

  27. 27.

    jl

    April 30, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Mostly fluffing, I assume for access, but it did put in these bits, which might find their way into advertisements in the upcoming electoral contest.

    [Ryan’s] ” prescriptions in the Republican budget plan he devised have become his party’s marching orders: cut income tax rates and simplify the code, privatize Medicare ”

    Emphasis added.

    [Ryan] “has offered major parts of his budget only in broad brush strokes, without specifying all the spending cuts he would make or which popular tax breaks he would eliminate. ”

    Will the NYT ombudsperson, or public editor (forget his name), who has admitted that Obama was not properly ‘vetted’ and needs more because the teabaggers say so, recuse himself when the poutrage begins?

  28. 28.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 30, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Worst Delt ever.

  29. 29.

    Martin

    April 30, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    Oh, I think we have this all wrong. I think Ryan’s version is to pay someone dump a bunch of catfish in his bathtub, open the drain, wait for them to stop flopping around, and declare himself a rugged individualist.

    Like his tax policy, of course.

  30. 30.

    Southern Beale

    April 30, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    He noodles catfish with his bare hands for fun? That read like a Republican version of those “Most interesting man in the world” beer ads.

    You know what’s really funny? How suddenly Paul Ryan has broken up with Ayn Rand. I haz big sadz.

  31. 31.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    April 30, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    @The Snarxist Formerly Known as Kryptik: Wouldn’t be the first time a band had fans that fundamentally got their message totally backwards. Unfortunately this one has political power.

    Not the first time for that, either. Booooorn in the USA!

  32. 32.

    jl

    April 30, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    @El Cid:

    ” What about steely-eyed staring into the distance, almost as if he could see the storm clouds on the horizon, and hoping he has the resolve to help carry his fellow Americans through that storm? ”

    How about

    “Almost a hundred years ago today the greatest ship the world had ever known sailed complacently into harm’s way in a cold dark sea hiding submerged dangers that were all too well known. Perhaps the subliminal influence of that dark history explains Ryan’s steely-eyed stare, the fiscal thousand yard stare of a man who foresees the carnage of…”

    Naw, can’t think of how to finish it.

    Well, the BJ crew is up to the task and will help out I am sure.

  33. 33.

    cathyx

    April 30, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    The rise of Paul Ryan is the reason the GOP is failing and falling apart. He/his philosophy, doesn’t work and most people don’t like him/it.

  34. 34.

    Marcellus Shale, Public Dick

    April 30, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Yeah, it’s just another bombtrack
    And suckas be thinkin’ that they can fake this
    But I’m gonna drop it at a higher level
    ‘Cause I’m inclined to stoop down
    Hand out some beat-downs
    Cold runna train on punk ho’s that
    Think they run the game

    But I learned to burn that bridge and delete
    Those who compete…at a level that’s obsolete
    Instead I warm my hands upon the flames of the flag
    To recall the downfall
    And the businesses that burned us all
    See through the news and the views that twist reality

    Enough
    I call the bluff
    Fuck Manifest destiny

    Landlords and power whores
    On my people they took turns
    Dispute the suits I ignite
    And then watch ’em burn

    With the thoughts from a militant mind
    Hardline, hardline after hardline

    or

    Bam! Here’s the plan
    Motherfuck Uncle Sam
    Step back, I know who I am
    Raise up your ear, I’ll drop the style and clear
    It’s the beats and the lyrics they fear
    The rage is relentless
    We need a movement with a quickness
    You are the witness of change
    And to counteract
    We gotta take the power back

    Yeah, we gotta take the power back
    Come on, come on!
    We gotta take the power back

    The present curriculum
    I put my fist in ’em
    Eurocentric every last one of ’em
    See right through the red, white and blue disguise
    With lecture I puncture the structure of lies
    Installed in our minds and attempting
    To hold us back
    We’ve got to take it back
    Holes in our spirit causin’ tears and fears
    One-sided stories for years and years and years
    I’m inferior? Who’s inferior?
    Yeah, we need to check the interior
    Of the system that cares about only one culture
    And that is why
    We gotta take the power back

  35. 35.

    eric

    April 30, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Yeah I’m rollin’ down Rodeo wit a shotgun
    These people ain’t seen a brown skin man
    Since their grandparents bought one.

    favorite RATM lyric.

    Cannot imagine the right wing rage if Obama said he listened to THAT

  36. 36.

    darwinsjoke

    April 30, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    I have to admit that imagining Tom Morello clubbing the Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver over the head with his “Arm the Homeless” guitar to be most pleasant.

  37. 37.

    Anoniminous

    April 30, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    All Paul Ryan needs to do is inherit a railroad, invent a perpetual motion machine, derive an alloy impervious to Chemical Analysis, and move to Colorado for both the Ayn & Only and Ronnie Rayguns to rise from their graves and lead us to the Promised Gulch.

  38. 38.

    Steve in DC

    April 30, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    noodling for fish sounds like a good way to lose your fingers to a snapping turtle.

  39. 39.

    JPL

    April 30, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    Paul Ryan has a bachelor’s degree in econ. and poly-sci from Miami Univ. in Ohio and he wants to take on Paul Krugman. Cool. Of course Ryan should receive demerits for being able to read all the way through of Atlas Shrugs.
    After his father died he received soc. sec. survivors income but he wants to cut soc. sec. for others. Demerits for being a hypocrite also, too.

  40. 40.

    jl

    April 30, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    @Xecky Gilchrist: Awhile ago, I listened an interview of Chuck D with radio jock fan who was an ex libertarian who gave up and just decided he was ‘conservative’ now.

    Chuck D was polite but clearly amused through the whole interview by the radio jock’s cognitive dissonance, and kept needling him with good humored but sardonic questions about exactly what about the band’s message that the guy understood and liked.

  41. 41.

    eric

    April 30, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    @Steve in DC: heaven forbid the turtle got your noodle

  42. 42.

    Ben Cisco (onboard the Defiant)

    April 30, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    You have GOT to be kidding me.

  43. 43.

    flukebucket

    April 30, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Ryan probably knows as much about noodling as he did Ayn Rand and Thomas Aquinas. I have already seen Obama paddle his ass in Baltimore along with every other Republican that showed up that day.

  44. 44.

    flukebucket

    April 30, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Ryan probably knows as much about noodling as he did Ayn Rand and Thomas Aquinas. I have already seen Obama paddle his ass in Baltimore along with every other Republican that showed up that day.

  45. 45.

    PeakVT

    April 30, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    It’s true that a lot of people don’t really listen to rock lyrics, which isn’t a bad idea since a lot of lyrics are kinda stupid. But you’d have to be a total idiot to not see that RATM is a political band and stands in opposition to almost everything Republicans support.

    I bet Ryan loves The Clash and Fugazi, too.

  46. 46.

    Anoniminous

    April 30, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    @eric:

    “The turtle got your noodle” sounds like a line in Dylan’s Subterranean Homesick Blues.

  47. 47.

    eric

    April 30, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    @Anoniminous: i think it is a line from Dr. Ayn Suess:

    while a turtle on your noodle will make you quite sore
    still beats the heck out of being brown and poor.

  48. 48.

    MikeJ

    April 30, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    @Anoniminous: I want a dog that’s gonna collect and clean my bath, return my cigarette, and, and give tobacco to my animals, and give my birds a commission, and put a turtle on my noodle.

  49. 49.

    Martin

    April 30, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    @eric: An objectivist Dr Seuss book would be fucking hilarious.

    This is one of my favorite bits of writing.

  50. 50.

    David Koch

    April 30, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    liberal new york times in action

  51. 51.

    slag

    April 30, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    @General Stuck:

    It is where you wade into rivers when catfish are on their nest, usually under rock ledges along the banks, and you reach down in the water there and grab the adult catfish. They will not leave the nest, so you can wrangle them, but navigate around their sharp barbed fins.

    Now I see where Paul Ryan gets his perspective on “family values”. This practice sounds horribly cruel and exploitative. Live and let live, indeed. Not to mention…pro-life!

    Representative Paul D. Ryan strolls the halls of Capitol Hill with the anarchist band Rage Against the Machine pounding through his earbuds.

    Also, gotta love a Representative who’s too stupid to understand song lyrics but thinks he can craft legislation.

  52. 52.

    jake the snake

    April 30, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    @General Stuck:

    You also occasionally get a snapping turtle. Hopefully a small one, not one of the big ones that can bite your finger off.
    I have done a lot of stupid stuff, but nothing that stupid.

  53. 53.

    Suffern ACE

    April 30, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    I spent the first 22 years of my life living in Wisconsin, and we do NOT noodle catfish. It’s probably something he tried once on a trip to Louisana and has been bragging about it ever since. It’s like a fun hobby the way that going on a cruise might be considered a “hobby” if you’ve been on one and really would like to go again. Our catfish aren’t really all that big.

  54. 54.

    Valdivia

    April 30, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    slobbering all over him. Gah.

  55. 55.

    henrythefifth

    April 30, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    I wonder how long Ryan would stare blankly back at you if you asked him what his favorite Rage Against the Machine song was?

    Don’t worry though, he burns gunpowder scented “mandles” (there truly is such a thing).

  56. 56.

    What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us? (formerly MarkJ)

    April 30, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    When I was in middle school I wrote Def Leppard, Genesis, The Cars, and The Police all over my notebook. And I suspect they all had Paul Ryan beat on economic policy, though the Village was never really into them.

  57. 57.

    Chyron HR

    April 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    @henrythefifth:

    I wonder how long Ryan would stare blankly back at you if you asked him what his favorite Rage Against the Machine song was?

    All of them, Henry.

  58. 58.

    BGinCHI

    April 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    @henrythefifth: Is that a candle shaped like a vagina?

  59. 59.

    Steve in DC

    April 30, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Looking at noodling it seems that people often shove their hands in front of snapping turtles, muskrats, beavers, and snakes, all of which will more than happily take a bite out of you.

  60. 60.

    redshirt

    April 30, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    There’s an actual TV show on the subject of “noodling” – Hillbilly Hand Fishing” – on Animal Planet!

    Also, I’ve heard tell Mr. Ryan likes to save puppies from burning buildings. The buildings all burn down cuz there’s no fire department, but some puppies live!

  61. 61.

    4tehlulz

    April 30, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    You know, this is the second instance that I read about a Republican listening to Rage on the Internet.

    The last time was quite a few years ago, maybe even before 2000. I wonder if they’re both about Ryan.

  62. 62.

    Mnemosyne

    April 30, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    @Suffern ACE:

    That’s what I was thinking, too. I grew up in northeast Illinois and I don’t think I ever heard of anyone “noodling” catfish. Why bother when you had, y’know, a fucking fishing rod in your hand?

  63. 63.

    Matt in HB

    April 30, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    To the twisted Republican mind, Bulls on Parade probably sounds like their kind of anthem.

    Rally round the family, with a pocket full of shells is 2/3 of the GOP campaign platform.

  64. 64.

    TooManyJens

    April 30, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    @henrythefifth:

    Don’t worry though, he burns gunpowder scented “mandles” (there truly is such a thing).

    Um, guys? Wouldn’t it be cheaper and less ridiculous to just stop hating women so much that you’d do anything to prove you’re not like us?

  65. 65.

    4tehlulz

    April 30, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    If Born in the USA can be appropriated by the GOP, why not Rage Against the Machine?

  66. 66.

    Steve in DC

    April 30, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    @4tehlulz

    I wouldn’t be at all shocked. Many of the libertarian types are heavily into rock and various anti authority type messaging, which they view as the nanny state trying to keep you down.

  67. 67.

    Citizen_X

    April 30, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    @flukebucket:

    Ryan probably knows as much about noodling as he did Ayn Rand and Thomas Aquinas Rage Against the Machine.

    Fixted for also, tooness.

  68. 68.

    BenA

    April 30, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    It always astounds me that people don’t “get” that most of the iconic musicians of the last 50 years are liberal as hell and would hate them. I mean the mental gymnastics that most right wing people do around music must be astounding. I think it really illustrates the tenuous grasp on reality they have… they always think they are the exception to the rule. That song wasn’t really talking about me… I’m not like that. They needed the food stamps, their daughter needs the abortion, they needed student loan, everyone else is just a slut and free loader.

  69. 69.

    General Stuck

    April 30, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    So now Romney and his surrogates are running around willy nilly claiming Obama got the idea for rescuing the big auto makers from Mitt.

    The claim appears to be a shift from Mitt Romney’s November 2008 op-ed in the New York Times, headlined, “Let Detroit go bankrupt.”

    Shifted? not unless lying through your teeth is ‘shifted’. What a bunch of shameless skunks

    Before it’s all been said and done, Mitt Romney will have penned The Magna Carta, and offered jeebus some magic underwear to hang around in.

  70. 70.

    Yutsano

    April 30, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    @Citizen_X: So does that mean we can expect him to denounce RATM next?

  71. 71.

    jdrs0819

    April 30, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    Lol, and I’m not sure I’d call RATM “anarchist.” Maybe Zack is an anarchist, but they’re more like admirers of Martin Luther King Jr. and such.

    But yes, I always do wonder about right wingers I know who like RATM. It’s like, “Do you even pay attention to what they’re singing about?” One album is titled, “Evil Empire” for crying out loud. I wonder if Paul Ryan thinks that because RATM was clever in reversing St. Ronnie’s catch-phrase about the USSR that they’re talking about the Soviets…

  72. 72.

    J

    April 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Noodling fish is also wildly illegal, as it kills not only the fish, but the eggs the catfish is protecting. Noodlers (?) can wipe out an entire generation of catfish from whatever section of river they’re fishing.

  73. 73.

    Suffern ACE

    April 30, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    @Mnemosyne: And had walleye, bass and muskie to catch. And if not, you could at least catch pan fish to fry.

    But technically correct. If one noodles, regularly or once in awhile, it is something one does “for fun.” I’m assuming even competitive noodlers do it for fun, although there may a few of those who are just going through the motions trying to noodle to the end of those lucrative band-aid endorsement contracts, wishing they could just hang it all up.

  74. 74.

    Mark S.

    April 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    @General Stuck:

    I’m used to politicians lying a bit, but Romney takes it to a different level. He’s a sociopath.

  75. 75.

    Jebediah

    April 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    @eric:

    turtle got your noodle

    I think I like that as an alternative to “cat got your tongue.”

  76. 76.

    TooManyJens

    April 30, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    @J: So, they get to style themselves as tough guys and show how much they don’t give a shit about nature? If there’s a more perfect sport for GOP politicians, I don’t know what it is.

  77. 77.

    slag

    April 30, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    @J: Only in some states, sadly. But for Mr. Ryan here, that’s a feature, not a bug. It’s just another example of the Man keeping him down by not letting him keep other men down. He doesn’t care if those species/communities who rely on those catfish die off. Extinction is for wusses.

  78. 78.

    Legalize

    April 30, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    I hear that Paul Ryan is getting his own car this summer.

  79. 79.

    Bill Arnold

    April 30, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    @slag:
    Out of curiosity (and because the Wikipedia article does not say) do sport noodlers catch and release?
    Does noodling damage the fish?

  80. 80.

    Jebediah

    April 30, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    @TooManyJens:

    Um, guys? Wouldn’t it be cheaper and less ridiculous to just stop hating women so much that you’d do anything to prove you’re not like us?

    Well, sure, but consider the upside. Any guy falling for that stupid kind of marketing is waving a big sign saying “Hey Ladies! I am A Total Douche!”
    Could save some time…

  81. 81.

    Judas Escargot, Your Postmodern Neighbor

    April 30, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    @Mark S.:

    I’m used to politicians lying a bit, but Romney takes it to a different level. He’s a sociopath.

    Doesn’t say much for the at least 40% who’ll vote for him, does it?

  82. 82.

    slag

    April 30, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    @Bill Arnold: Here’s a quick article on how noodling harms people, fish populations, and the overall ecosystem: http://mdc.mo.gov/newsroom/conservation-agents-thwart-illegal-catfish-noodling. It’s a straight up kill game, it seems.

  83. 83.

    Rev. Dada Grind

    April 30, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    ….the mental gymnastics that most right wing people do around music must be astounding.
    George W Bush used to listen to CCR on his bike…i can just picture him pedaling along singing
    “It ain’t me
    heh. ooh, it ain’t meeeee”

  84. 84.

    Frankensteinbeck

    April 30, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    To my surprise, this article I was pointed to is kinda relevant. A Breitbart goofball rants about how bad it is that men watch My Little Pony.

    Insecure in your masculinity much, Sir?

  85. 85.

    TooManyJens

    April 30, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    @Jebediah: There is that.

  86. 86.

    Yutsano

    April 30, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck: Okay I’m gonna die laughing here. Schlichter must be totally unaware that the male fan base is built entirely around the latest incarnation (which, tellingly, he dishonestly does not depict) and that it was created by a woman who cut her teeth creating rather ingenious shows that blend both child and adult themes. Hell he doesn’t even use the right name for the current show. Hackery at its worst right there.

  87. 87.

    TooManyJens

    April 30, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    @Yutsano: Hey, it’s hard to write intelligent, accurate commentary when you’re scared that a cartoon with bright colors and ponies is about to make your dick fall off.

  88. 88.

    Yutsano

    April 30, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    @TooManyJens:

    Hey, it’s hard to write intelligent, accurate commentary when you’re scared that a cartoon with bright colors and ponies is about to make your dick fall off expose your secret homosexual desires.

    Adjusted for accuracy methinks.

  89. 89.

    Frankensteinbeck

    April 30, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    @TooManyJens:
    This. Look at those sentences. LOOK at them. This man is pee-his-pants terrified of looking less than utterly macho. He’s so afraid of not being sufficiently manly that he vomits bile over something as utterly unimportant as what TV show other men like.

    @Yutsano:
    Yeah, it does kinda scream ‘I hate myself for being gay’ doesn’t it?

  90. 90.

    Quicksand

    April 30, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    @Mark S.:

    Many other names, such as catfisting…

    MEEEEEYOW!

  91. 91.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    April 30, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    @cthulhu:

    As some of the commenters over at Kilgore noted, Ryan’s either not listening to RATM’s lyrics or has quite a skewed interpretation. I’d like to see what the members of the band think about this.

    That would be beside the point to Ryan and other conservatives. Ryan likes RAM, Ryan is a conservative, therefor it follows RAM makes conservative music.

  92. 92.

    Gabriel Bellatrix

    April 30, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    @cthulhu: Ryan probably fancies himself raging against the Obama-union thug-MSM machine (or whatever mishmash he’s concocted in his head).

    Some Republicans still think it’s 1980 and that they’re still the hip young outsiders.

    @Yutsano: Conservatives love to hate popular culture but they crave its validation so much that they’ll tie themselves into knots trying to prove that the latest superhero movie secretly supports their agenda and other such nonsense.

  93. 93.

    reflectionephemeral

    April 30, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    @Anoniminous:

    “The turtle got your noodle” sounds like a line in Dylan’s Subterranean Homesick Blues.

    I knew there had to be a reason why the pump don’t work…

  94. 94.

    4tehlulz

    April 30, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    MLP IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD

    (Bronies are the cancer killing animation, though.)

  95. 95.

    gaz

    April 30, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Someone should forward this to Zach de la Rocha.

    Maybe he could write a song about it.

  96. 96.

    FlipYrWhig

    April 30, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    @Gabriel Bellatrix: @Steve in DC: Yup. It’s one of these convergence points between anarchists and libertarians. The Government is ruthless, bosses you around, gets in your face, so kick against the pricks, be an individual, and bring on the revolution.

  97. 97.

    Steve in DC

    April 30, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Bronies….

    Oh lord, not as bad as furries (and certainly not yiffing), but slightly worse than some types of anime.

    Oh internetz, you always amuse.

  98. 98.

    gaz

    April 30, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    WRT to the marketing thing, a commenter on that gendered marketing post graced us with this suggestion for Muesli

    BUY THE DAMN MUESLI OR YOUR CHILDREN WILL DIE.

    I’d totally buy if if they went there.

    I’d switch to verizon but I’m totally creeped out by the idea of all those people in hardhats showing up in my bedroom, also too.

  99. 99.

    Yutsano

    April 30, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    @Steve in DC: Love and tolerate you too dude. The fact is the show is fucking brilliant. And rather than figure out why something should have such a narrow focus instead has a broad appeal, too many critics look at the surface and scoff.

  100. 100.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    April 30, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    @henrythefifth:

    Umm… “mandles”? Gunpowder scented? I wonder if they have other manly scented “mandles” with scents that will drive women into their manly man abode. Maybe some grease scented mandles? How about fresh kill scented? Fresh cut lawn with the overbearing smell of mower exhaust? Morning-after chili dump scent? Rich car exhaust (with real carbon monoxide!) scent (for you hot rod enthusiasts!)? Morning after frat party scent? Filling the gas tank scent? Of course, the manliest mandle scent of all would have to be the three day old fungus infested sweat sock scent.

    Mandles must be a manly way for manly men to say “I love me” to themselves in a very manly way!

  101. 101.

    danielx

    April 30, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Gosh, perhaps Paul Ryan will allow himself to be photographed in a flight suit, so as to emphasize his manly characteristic for Time magazine. Given the number of closet queens there appeared to be at CPAC, that will have Young Republicans turning magazine pages yucky for years.

  102. 102.

    FlipYrWhig

    April 30, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    @danielx: Maybe some Paul Ryan/Eric Cantor/Aaron Schock slashfic.

  103. 103.

    Frankensteinbeck

    April 30, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    @Yutsano:
    Animation ghetto, my friend. Animation ghetto. And our friend Steve has also thrown in a generous helping of the famous High School Hierarchy Of Nerds, which is different depending on which group you ask. In this case, and given Steve’s record, I think it wasn’t an actual opinion. It was a standard case of Haters Gonna Hate.

  104. 104.

    Djur

    April 30, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Did someone say ponies?

  105. 105.

    drew42

    April 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    @Martin: What I love about those Dr. Pepper commercials is how they just give the finger to half their potential market. Even better, to the half more likely to buy diet soft drinks.

    Here’s my all-time favorite, Levi’s Hard Jeans:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xtTlLQKlxo

    Stiff, scratchy, horribly uncomfortable jeans. Brilliant!

  106. 106.

    Joeb

    April 30, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    @darwinsjoke:

    Oh, yeah:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-c6GphpAeY&ob=av2n

  107. 107.

    Mnemosyne

    April 30, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    @drew42:

    What I love about those Dr. Pepper commercials is how they just give the finger to half their potential market.

    Meh. Speaking for my (female) gender, I think those commercials are over-the-top enough that we get that it’s a wink, not a finger.

  108. 108.

    Jebediah

    April 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Meh. Speaking for my (female) gender, I think those commercials are over-the-top enough that we get that it’s a wink, not a finger.

    Maybe so, but I know I would be too embarrassed to buy something marketed that way.
    On the other hand, I don’t think I am anyone’s target demographic, so I am sure they are losing TONS of sleep over not snagging me as a customer.

  109. 109.

    Mnemosyne

    April 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    @Jebediah:

    I think they’re supposed to be intentionally ironic, like drinking PBR in your trucker cap.

    But I’m middle-aged and beyond even trying to appear cool, so I’m pretty sure I’m not the target audience. Plus I hate all artificial sweeteners (including stevia), so I’m really not the target audience.

  110. 110.

    PanurgeATL

    May 1, 2012 at 1:48 am

    I think it’s a wink AND a finger. As I commented at the Independent site, if you raise a fuss about it they can always play the “where’s your sensayuma” card. Ha ha only serious.

  111. 111.

    Applejinx

    May 1, 2012 at 9:47 am

    @4tehlulz:
    Nonsense. Bronies are recognizing some of the best Flash animation around. The design is fantastic, the builds are incredibly sophisticated. If you haven’t tried to reverse-engineer how it’s done you wouldn’t understand…

    I am delighted to see Breitbart beset by bronies. Those folks could use a better role model. If Andrew Breitbart had been a brony, maybe he would have raged less, and might be alive today. I think any true pony would be mostly sad at the lost opportunity- how much better it would’ve been if Breitbart could’ve been saved, healed.

    And I’m not a bit surprised to see Balloon Juice turning up with bronies. I’ve posted before (as ‘Jinxtigr’, an earlier nick) and got some good reactions- ABL liked my explanation of climate change as it related to chaos theory and weather violence.

    And I’m a brony- though more of a ‘edgy Balloon Juice’ pony rather than a ‘moral upstanding patriotic Breitbart conservative’ pony. But those are fine too- pony probably leads them to be more cooperative and interactive, bringing out the best in them and helping them fit their beliefs and faiths into a larger world.

    Bronies improve life for everybody! Imagine the glee of the Michelle Malkins of the world. Rather than have to settle for something like marble countertops, now they can try to unearth the kinky Queen Chrysalis fanart of their victims! Talk about a vagina outrage…

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