Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

It’s pointless to bring up problems that can only be solved with a time machine.

If you cannot answer whether trump lost the 2020 election, you are unfit for office.

Hi god, it’s us. Thanks a heap, you’re having a great week and it’s only Thursday!

Giving in to doom is how we fail to fight for ourselves & one another.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Everybody saw this coming.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

It is not hopeless, and we are not helpless.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

Prediction: the gop will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

Balloon Juice, where there is always someone who will say you’re doing it wrong.

Dear Washington Post, you are the darkness now.

You are either for trump or for democracy. Pick one.

Republicans: The threats are dire, but my tickets are non-refundable!

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

Jesus watching the most hateful people claiming to be his followers

The words do not have to be perfect.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

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102Comments

  2. 2.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    Our five peeps are about a week and a half away from being put into the coop and run. Far too much work to get this going. :)

    Oh, and another great quote about North Carolina:

    “North Carolina: Where you can marry your cousin, just not your gay cousin.”

  6. 6.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    My wife is loving this: she finds the birds fascinating. Oh, and she’s named all five so I’m guessing they’ll end up like your’s: pensioned off to live a life of leisure in the coop and run and not destined for the stew pot.

    I must admit, as owners of this ancient place, it’s nice putting the old chicken coop back to work as a chicken coop. It dates back to the 1870s plus we’re using the same brooding boxes and roosting bars the spinster sisters who lived here for 80 years used.

    Our hope is we don’t get invaded by racoons–they’re already a problem.

  13. 13.

    gaz

    @comrade scott’s agenda of rage: My ex’s mother had hens. They were pets and followed people around.

    One day my ex’s son and I were out in the yard and he was playing with the hens (just sort of chasing them here and there, as young boys are wont to do) and a hawk swooped down and snatched one of them right in front of us.

    I felt sort of privileged to be able to watch such a fantastic thing up close like that. The poor kid cried though, and I felt bad. =(

  14. 14.

    Yutsano

    @Betty Cracker: You should have your first eggs by sexual maturity, which looks like only a few months off. In the meantime, lots of bonding and fun, especially when they start chasing flies! Are they running up to you when you come up to the coop?

  16. 16.

    WaterGirl

    I was hoping for an open thread so I could ask for advice on how to cook a whole chicken on my new gas grill. I just didn’t know the open thread was going to be about chickens who have names. :-) No offense to balloon juice chickens. I would never eat you, I promise!

    The gas grill has one outside burner, kind of like a coral around the whole grill, and one inside burner that’s a straight line within the coral. I presume I turn off the inside burner and cook the chicken in the center of the grill, for indirect heat.

    What temperature do I cook at?
    Do I sear the chicken when I start?
    Do I cook it breast side up, or breast side down?
    Do I cook it on a foil pan like I did when I cooked the ham on the grill? If so, do I add water to the pan, as I did when I cooked the ham on the grill?
    Should I just use olive oil and spices inside and out or should I put butter and spices under the skin?
    Anything else I need to know? All suggestions welcome!

    (I am not a big fan of handling raw poultry, so I am not too interested in having to butterfly the chicken before I cook it.)

    Big thanks to freelancer for suggesting the Weber Q 320 over easter weekend!

  17. 17.

    magurakurin

    Atrios is saying that he is hearing that Obama is going to come out for gay marriage today. I wonder what that is about? Could be an interesting day if he does. I know it might not be considered the smart move politically, but hell, what the fuck, I hope the rumor is true and he does because it’s the right thing to do and if he does do it, it’d be cool to see some heads explode.

  18. 18.

    Another Halocene Human

    @The Bearded Blogger: It’s a shame, I liked Asheville, even it’s just a winter spot for the 1% and some weird blissed out hippie dude frightened my wife. (That isn’t hard to do, btw.) Had some good Greek food for one meal, Indian for another. Beer not as good as Portland, but hey. Set in the mountains and there was a beautiful state park that I’d love to revisit.

    NC: not a shithole like SC, not as nasty as VA.

    Kind of a pity. I hope Dems take back the state and make good on their promise to get rid of Right-to-Work.

  19. 19.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    @gaz:

    About 5 years back, I was out gardening in the side yard of our B&B. We have a fine old elm tree out there and every year, a Baltimore Oriole pair build a nest out in the tippy end of a branch.

    I’m minding my own business when suddenly right overhead I hear all this squawking. I look up in time to see a crow leave the oriole nest with a baby oriole in it’s claws.

    The baby was a goner at that point but you should have seen the swarm of orioles from all the surrounding trees come together and attack the crow as it flew off.

    Living here in red, rurl Misery can be beyond sucky at times but not right then.

  23. 23.

    Another Halocene Human

    @magurakurin: Won’t hurt him on Latino vote, won’t really hurt him on Black vote (and even the churchgoers are shifting their views), will really energize and bring back the youth/students he needs to GOTV, and might capture back some white voters?

    I’m assuming the focus grouped the shit out of this shit.

    Running against SSM is going to piss off some of Rmoney’s donors. Not good.

  24. 24.

    Ash Can

    Quote from Richard Mourdock this AM: “I certainly think bipartisanship ought to consist of Democrats coming to the Republican point of view.”

    I’m sure this will make David Brooks very, very sad, and I fully expect to see him shedding bitter tears all over the NYT op-ed pages before sunrise tomorrow. (I also expect to then see John Boehner, Eric Cantor, and Mitch McConnell win the next 24-hour news cycle by dressing in flamboyant drag and entertaining Hill visitors by singing Broadway show tunes out on the steps of the Capitol building.)

    ETA: See below for the link.

  25. 25.

    gaz

    @comrade scott’s agenda of rage: That must have been an amazing spectacle.

    as an aside, I’m a huge fan of scavenging critters. By and large, and entertaining and intelligent lot. I dig crows. A local zoo had one that was trained to sort recycling. =)

  27. 27.

    JCT

    @WaterGirl: I don’t know the height of the Q, but I have found that the best way to cook a chicken on the grill is the old “beer can” method — e.g. vertically. Very easy (minimal fuss) and tastes great.

    We’ve had the older version of the Q in our RV for years — really robust little unit.

    JT

  28. 28.

    The Bearded Blogger

    @Another Halocene Human: I hope dems take a real stand during the ocnvention, on unions both labour and amorous

    I was in Greenville a couple of weeks ago… lovely people, but nothing much to see or do…

  29. 29.

    The Bobs

    I’m sure the chickens would prefer a nice juicy cockroach to corn any day.

  30. 30.

    quannlace

    Yay, more chick pix. I was wondering how they were doing.
    ******************

    So, how proud is North Carolina that they had state law outlawing mixed-race marriage until 1975?

  31. 31.

    The Bearded Blogger

    @Another Halocene Human: @magurakurin: Might be good politically, showing guts… the real cost is not with demographics, but in possibly allowing the GOP to make the election about gay marriage, thus distracting on other issues…

  32. 32.

    The Bobs

    @JCT: I prefer to break it open and butterfly the chicken. Throw the back in the stock pot.

  35. 35.

    Raven

    @WaterGirl: Do you have a parallel burner or one that is H shaped. If you can turn one end off, indirect is the way to go. Does the grill have an upper rack? If so put foil with a few holes poked in it over the lower rack and the bird on the higher. Turn it as low as you can, the cooking process is going to render the fat and it’s going to drip through so you have to keep an eye on it regularly. Nothing wrong with the olive oil but brush some on the grill before you heat it. As far as handling it, I do it all the time, just wash your hands well in hot soapy water.

    eta Sorry, I missed the spec’s. Be right back.

  37. 37.

    Al

    Yeah, there aughta be a law against kids doing that. We named ours Whitey, Brownie, Cheapy and – using our powers of imagination we went with the little prize statues our piano teacher gave us – Beethoven, Brahms, & Bach. We thought it was fun shoveling chickenshit the first day, followed by an exponential sense of weariness each following day.

  39. 39.

    Jake Nelson

    Chickens: if they could, they’d eat you and everyone you’ve ever loved.

    Also too, closest living relative to T. rex.

    Our actions are entirely justified.

  40. 40.

    Raven

    @WaterGirl: From a review:

    “Indirect heat is a little unusual – I’m used to grills with 2 burners: one right, one left, and just moving the food from side to side. This grill has 2 burners, but it’s an outer ring/inner ring configuration. The manual (with the assembly directions) has useful and easy-to-understand instructions on how to attain indirect heat with this configuration.”

    Check in the manual and see how to do this.

  42. 42.

    jibeaux

    I’m depressed ’bout my state, but I want to thank Betty for FPing it anyway. I was never real optimistic; the states don’t go for this kind of thing yet and NC wasn’t going to be the one to break the trend. If you look at the map, it’s a little misleading because there’s only a few counties in this sea that voted against it (the good way), but they’re the most populous counties — not to mention where the jobs are and where it’s safe to crack a book in public without attracting stares. I held out some hope that there might be enough strength there to make up for all the hayseeds. Still, this is only going one way. It’s just a matter of how long it takes us all to get there.

  44. 44.

    Comrade Mary

    I posted this hours late in a morning open thread the other day, but I’ll repost here:

    Rooster For Sale – Good Fighter But Of Poor Moral Character
    __
    … The first sign of problems with Ronnie was that he began to attack the humans. Mostly from behind, like you would expect from a chicken. This isn’t a problem for an adult wearing pants, but now that the warm weather is here, we’d like to wear shorts around the yard. Bare legs are just not safe around this rooster. And we’re worried about the grandkids, who still have their sight. We’ve tried therapy to deal with the bad behavior, various methods from Dr. Spock to Dr. Boot, but nothing has worked.
    __
    Most of these vicious, un-provoked attacks end with a flying lesson from the human, and that ends the aggressive behavior for up to three days. During those days, Ronnie acts like a chicken and he runs away when the humans get too close. But with a brain the size of a pea, he seems to forget how these things always end, and two or three days later, he’s back for more fighting and another flying lesson. It’s not a case of too much testosterone either; he’s got other outlets for that.
    __
    There are 20 hens of various sizes, shapes and colours in the flock. They are hot, and they regularly make themselves available to this rooster and there are no strings attached; eggs are collected every day. You would expect this rooster to be: a) happy and b) tired. But, no, he’d rather stir things up with the humans. …

    The CBC follows up. Click the Listen link for audio.

  48. 48.

    Raven

    @WaterGirl: OK, I downloaded the manual. There are an “inside” and “outside” burner and for indirect it has the outside at medium and the inside off. It also says “small” whole bird.

  49. 49.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    @The Bearded Blogger: I’m trying to decide on this one. I spent dinner “discussing” with my mom her views on gays marrying. Them marrying was too much for her. If she votes, and right now she’s inclined to, she’ll vote for Obama. I would be worried with her deciding she shouldn’t vote at all.

    ETA: She has made progress though. 15 years ago, she wouldn’t have voted for a black man running, and she voted for Obama in 2008.

  50. 50.

    Betty Cracker

    @jibeaux: Bending toward justice. I just wish it didn’t take so damn long. Still, when I think about the progress made on LGBT issues in my lifetime, I’m kind of amazed. We’ll get there.

    @WaterGirl: Beer can chicken is damn tasty, as other have noted. I can’t eat chicken anymore. Now if we can just get a pet cow, pig and buy an aquarium, I can go back to being a vegetarian.

    @Yutsano: They use their wings to propel themselves toward me when I appear at the door. I am the Treat Lady. But yeah, they love to eat bugs.

  51. 51.

    LanceThruster

    @Redshift: Big time fan. I even love the bus ads with Joel sitting in the back of a cab/limo? next to a little tiarad toddler or some scruffy miscreant.

  52. 52.

    Mino

    Just spent half an hour on hold waiting to ask for a IRS form to file for my mother who died 18 moinths ago. I propose there be two levels of government service–one for those who hate government and want to drown it and another level for those who want enough employees to do the jobs they’ve been instructed to do.

    Let libertarians be stuck on hold for an hour and let me get a service worker immediately. Can we get that implemented?

  53. 53.

    Redshift

    @Jake Nelson: Ms. Redshift once worked at a historic Colonial-era farm, and one of her jobs was dealing with the chickens, which were the most historically-accurate they could find (and so, less thoroughly domesticated.) By the end, her attitude was “chickens are evil and deserve whatever they get.”

  54. 54.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    “I certainly think bipartisanship ought to consist of Democrats coming to the Republican point of view.”

    @Ash Can: Good for him, and if I were one of the morally bankrupt Country Last traitors that voted for him, this is exactly what I would want him to say.

    Here’s the real question. Where’s the Democrats saying “I certainly think bipartisanship ought to consist of Republicans coming to the Democratic point of view.”?

    Oh yeah, there aren’t any. A party with no will to win. Wonder how that will work out?

  56. 56.

    Yutsano

    @Betty Cracker: That’s always fun. And their bonding instinct is probably one of their strongest motivating forces. The other major one is food. Which ALWAYS tastes better from a human!

    Now if we can just get a pet cow, pig and buy an aquarium, I can go back to being a vegetarian.

    Will no one think of the baby sheep? :)

  57. 57.

    LanceThruster

    @gaz:

    I just recently saw a local hawk nail a white dove. Got great pics. Felt terrible for the dove who had a look like “this just isn’t my day.” As far the hawk, it had those insane red eyes and an ‘expression’ of “what are you lookin’ at?”

  61. 61.

    jibeaux

    @Betty Cracker: It’s true. The public opinion changes on LGBT has vastly exceeded public opinion shifts on anything else, and the future is with the young. Plus, I saw it kick us us out of some complacency. We decided to invite over our neighbors this weekend who had against yard signs, I don’t know hardly any of them but I just need for some little good to come out of this. That little good might be nothing more than having a beer and a conversation with a person I’ve never met, but it’s something.

  63. 63.

    Redshift

    @Forum Transmitted Disease: Yes, how terrible that we have a party that actually cares about governing. We’d be be so much better off if Democrats joined Republicans in proving that government can’t work and is just a platform for intransigent grandstanding.

  65. 65.

    Yutsano

    @Mino: You’re not alone here. I get an earful at least once a day about how long the hold time was to get through to me. And Congress is getting some bitching up their way as well. There may be movement to change that soon but nothing too definite yet. Wait until the local offices close. That will make things even more fun.

    @TaMara (BHF): Snack time? :) I can see that. Most animals are down for minimal work getting sustenance. I don’t blame them.

  66. 66.

    WaterGirl

    @Raven: I did the indirect heat with the inside burner off when I cooked the ham, and it turned out really really well. Same with veggies. I put the ham on a foil pizza pan, with water in the foil tray, and I cooked the ham at a really high heat.

    But chicken is something else entirely, so I have no idea of temp or anything. I am just too creeped out by raw chicken to want to butterfly it.

    It’s the temp and the searing or not searing and some of the other stuff I’m just not sure about with chicken.

  68. 68.

    Mino

    @Yutsano: I know you could never ask, but are you ever curious about their affiliation? Or do you assume (and probably rightly) that the rude ones are just who you’d expect. I thanked my worker nicely and did not remark on the time I spend on hold as it was never his fault.

  69. 69.

    WaterGirl

    @Raven: Wow. What manual did you find? The one I found was just instructions for putting the grill together, in multiple languages.

  70. 70.

    burnspbesq

    @Mino:

    You could probably have downloaded a fillable PDF copy of the form in ten seconds from the IRS website. Not that that helps you now, but for future reference …

  71. 71.

    WaterGirl

    @Cliff in NH: An on-line community for weber grill users. Who knew? I googled for chicken on the grill for a long time yesterday but NEVER thought of googling weber. Thanks so much!

  72. 72.

    Mino

    @Cliff in NH: The eagle babies I’ve been watching are about 3 months and beginning to exercise their wings. It’s brutal to watch–you expect disaster at any minute.

  74. 74.

    TaMara (BHF)

    @Cliff in NH: I would. My friends are both mortified and fascinated by the spectacle.

    One night a raccoon and a fox went at it on the roof of their deck. They watch the whole thing from an upstairs window. There should have been betting. I think the fox won, if I remember correctly. I guess the raccoon wasn’t named Rocky.

  75. 75.

    Roger Moore

    @gaz:

    What would you fill it with? mice?

    Bird seed. Peregrine falcons eat other birds, so you feed them by attracting their prey to a convenient location. It’s kind of like the old joke about calling a bird feeder a cat feeder.

  77. 77.

    WaterGirl

    @Yutsano: I have been hoping to find you on an open thread. I took some time away from BJ after the re-do because it was hurting my eyes, and when I came back I saw that you were scheduled for surgery soon but I don’t know much else.

    You seem to be handling the whole thing well, which always impresses me because I am the biggest baby about medical stuff.

  78. 78.

    WaterGirl

    @Raven: Hmm, that is the one I had found, but this time I did a search for “chicken” and saw the diagram for the burners for a whole chicken. Yay.

  79. 79.

    WaterGirl

    @Betty Cracker: If I lived on a farm I would definitely be a vegetarian. I worked at a grocery store for years to put myself through college, and seeing those big sides of beef hanging in the back room was almost enough to turn me into a vegetarian then.

  80. 80.

    chopper

    @WaterGirl:

    as in all things, it depends. i’d try something simple to start since this doodad is new. personally i’d do more of a grilling since it’s a grill – cook it in a pan and you may as well just use yer oven. however, if you do want to do it that way (pan), go like this;

    first brine the chicken if you have time. even for an hour or two (for a short brine dissolve 1 cup of kosher salt and 1/2 cup of white sugar per gallon of water). overnight brine in the fridge, cut the proportions of salt and sugar in half.

    otherwise, wash (especially if you brined it) the bird and dry it inside and out. rub the inside and outside with oil, and salt (not too much) and pepper it, inside and out.

    get two smallish lemons, and roll them around on the counter to bruise them. prick them all over with a fork and jam them in the bird. tie it closed. put it breast side down in a foiled pan that’s been greased.

    warm the grill up to 350, put the bird in. 15 minutes a pound is good. a third of the way flip the bird (hah) over in the pan. if the breast wants to stick to the foil leave the foil on the breast when you flip it and give it a few more minutes before trying to peel it off.

    after the second third of cooking is over, turn up the heat so it gets to about 425 for the finish. check the temp near the end.

    let the bird sit for at least a half hour, loosely tented with foil. meanwhile decant the lemony juices, defat it if you wish, and drink it out of a glass while the chicken rests. seriously, it’s that good. or just put it on the table.

    if you’re going to full-on grill it, i’d try to get over the problem with handling the bird because spatchcocking it really works well. get a good set of kitchen shears, and all you really have to do is cut out the backbone, and after that flattening the bird is easy. wrap a few bricks in several sheets of foil or use a cooking pot (cast iron is nice and heavy), put them on the grill as you warm it up so they get nice and hot. get the grill hot, well oiled, and put the flattened bird breast side down, putting the bricks or pot (foil under it) on top. after the bird has gotten a nice sear flip it, put the bricks or whatever aside, stick a bit of foil over the breast and turn off the heat and let it coast until the juices run clear or the breast meat is about 165. a flat bird will cook evenly so the breast and leg are about the same but the foil after the flip should help bring the leg up just a bit more, and the legs are going to be a little closer to the flame than the breast will.

    let it rest about 15-30 minutes, less than the whole bird cause it’s thinner.

  83. 83.

    LanceThruster

    @Mino: At the drop off point for my vanpool in the high desert, I saw a huge flock of seagulls headed towards the local dump. They passed over a tree with a single black bird (starling?). The starling kept darting in and out of the gull formation like a Luftwaffe fighter harassing an Allied bombing run. The gulls only mildly annoyed, pretty much side-slipped the attacker bird, and the starling didn’t relent until the very last gull passed its tree.

    It was a hoot.

  84. 84.

    Yutsano

    @Mino: I look at it this way: it’s not my job to care about their politics. I’ve listened to a few anti-government and anti-IRS screeds before. I just let them natter on until they tire themselves out and get back to work. The only way to really get on my bad side is to insult me personally. That does neither of us any good plus it does nothing to help your case. And oh yeah it’s illegal.

    @WaterGirl: Thanks! It’s something I’ve needed to have done for a long time now, it just seemed like the best time to do it. Plus I have a REALLY good surgeon. He and my mom are gonna share war stories over the hospital where I was born (he did his residency there) and it could get epic. I of course will be out like a light in recovery afterwards. I’ll try to liveblog as much as I can.

  86. 86.

    LanceThruster

    @chopper: My first impression was that a gull nosedived into the ground as all I initially viewed was a splay of white feathers. Looking closer I saw the hawk resting on its back with those talons holding the bird firmly and pinning it to the ground. The moment I came to the other side of the truck, it flew off with its prey.

    I felt a little responsible as I think the dove came down to drink from the runoff in the gutter from hosing off my truck.

    Life can certainly be nasty, brutish, and short, and any of us can be ‘nailed’ at any time (and not necessarily in a good way).

    ;-)

  87. 87.

    gaz

    @Roger Moore:

    Bird seed. Peregrine falcons eat other birds, so you feed them by attracting their prey to a convenient location. It’s kind of like the old joke about calling a bird feeder a cat feeder.

    Way to let logic get in the way of snark. You’re no fun!

    heheh

    cheers

  88. 88.

    Alison

    ATTENTION BJ COMMENTER NAMED INSOMNIAC.

    Dude. Check your email, please. I can’t send you anything if you don’t give me your address!

  91. 91.

    Mnemosyne

    Our cats were all worked up this morning because there were BIRDS! NEARBY! That were MAKING NOISE! Charlotte got so worked up she even did a little chattering.

    Even if we did live somewhere further away from the freeway (and the coyotes), I’d be afraid of letting them roam outdoors. I’ve seen Charlotte and Annie working together to kill the occasional bug that gets into the apartment, and I think that the three of them would manage to kill every bird, lizard and baby bunny within a 5-mile radius if they were allowed outdoors.

  92. 92.

    gaz

    @Mnemosyne: My maine coon is indoor/outdoor, because he can handle the local wildlife.

    My little cross-eyed kitteh, not so much. He’s a runt, and not very bright. Adorable, though.

  94. 94.

    LanceThruster

    @gaz:

    I actually hired them as a concert band billed with “Burning Sensations” for a show in Rowland Heights. A friend and I tried to earn extra change by promoting our own shows. Nice guys and a great show (though this one was a financial flop – bad timing with some other local draw).

  95. 95.

    gaz

    @LanceThruster: Are you sure it was timing? “Burning Sensations” sounds like something you have to visit the local clinic for. Was it a punk band?
    /snark

    cheers man, just joshin’

  96. 96.

    rikyrah

    there is a webcam at Cornell U that has been fixed on some birds and their new babies. a co-worker began watching it a couple of months ago, and now, I’m hooked. I go and ask her several times a day how the babies are doing. when they were hatching, everyone in our department would stop by her desk and ask ‘ are they hatched’?

    it’s sorta funny.

  97. 97.

    LanceThruster

    @gaz: I know you were (it just gave me an excuse to namedrop). They were both “New Wave.” BS’s big hit was “I Feel Like Jonah in te Belly of a Whale.” Quite the catchy ditty.

  98. 98.

    Patricia Kayden

    The chicks are cute. Never thought of having chickens as pets. Have an african gray parrot though.

  101. 101.

    HyperIon

    @Linda Featheringill: Yes, they are growing. I remember when my hens looked like that.

    They didn’t begin laying until late October of that year. I started with 3, culled one after 2 years for beating up on the others, my favorite dropped dead in March, and then I had to find a retirement coop for the last one. But the eggs were fantastic. And the compost from the manure and straw is the BEST.

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