I’ve spent the past week struggling to kick a 20+ year nicotine addiction, which pretty much renders me unfit for anything but sobbing into my hands or rereading familiar books so that it won’t matter that I read the same paragraph three times without comprehending it.
I see intriguing stories that are worthy of comment or outrageous bullshit that cries out for abuse. But I find myself incapable of formulating a response other than “blaarrgh!”
This is SO not fun, except for the bizarre Chantix dreams, one of which involves the chickens pictured above. I dreamed I was riding in the passenger seat of a 1970-something Dodge, and my chickens were driving. Two chickens on the floorboard controlled the gas and brake pedals, and three perched on the wheel steered by shifting their weight to make turns.
In the dream, I was completely unafraid to be the chickens’ passenger (even though they were exceeding the speed limit). I was just impressed that they figured out how to drive. Is that weird, or what?
What’s the most bizarre dream you’ve ever had? (Or talk about whatever…)
Raven
Am I dreaming? Mornin Joe is freaking out about how unfair the Times is to have an article about Mitt’s houses. They NEVER did anything like that to Kerry.
c u n d gulag
The most bizarre dream I ever had?
That I woke-up in an America that actually lived up to it’s ideals.
And that seems much less likely now than it did when I dreamed it only a few years ago.
Then there was the one involving me, Halle Berry and Charlize Theron, a huge bottle of champagne, and a…
No, wait! That one wasn’t bizarre – IT WAS GREAT!
Oh, also too,wait! It was me involved – so it WAS bizarre.
Raven
And Dan Senor says there is an unfair article about Mitt every week.
M-pop
I feel for you! My own 20-something nicotine addiction took several tries to overcome – nicotine gum helped for me, but I know it’s not for everyone. You can do it and I’ll be rooting for you!
LesGS
A couple months ago I dreamt I was in an office building and went through a door into its stairwell. I looked down and the stairs went down and down into infinity. Then I looked up and they went up and up into infinity. I realized I was dreaming and was in the classic dream stairwell. There were a couple people crouched on the landing one floor down from me, and I said to them, “Hey! You’re in the classic dream stairwell. How do you like that?”
Then I woke up. Not my most bizarre dream, but my most recently memorable one. Before this one, it’s the one where I was a dog.
Raven
Willie is now reading a 2004 Times article about Kerry that lays out his wealth and lifestyle.
JPL
The NYTimes article simply pointed out that Mitt is anti-gay and he doesn’t like pot smoking on his beach.
I’m not sure why Joe and Dan are upset because the article was only stating the republican party platform.
Betty Cracker
@LesGS: Years ago, I had a dream that I was a cat (and I’m totally a dog person).
Patricia Kayden
Good looking chickens you got there. Good luck with your attempt to stop smoking. Wonder if President Obama has given up his smoking habit yet.
Raven
I quit in 1968. My wife smoked for a couple of years after we met and has been totally free for 13 years!
LesGS
@Betty Cracker: And I’m totally a cat person. Go figure.
ETA: It was actually kinda cool, because I *turned* into a dog from a human and had to figure out how to run gracefully on all fours. And then there was the whole learning to understand what I was smelling.
Nicole
My aunt and uncle quit smoking cold turkey after 30+ years of the habit because my uncle suffered a mild heart attack. A year after quitting my aunt said the best part of no longer smoking was all the extra time she now had in a day.
Oh, and I once dreamt my brother fathered a lizard baby and then I ate it.
dr. bloor
I don’t think dropping acid is the best way to go about kicking a nicotine addiction, Betty.
kay
@Raven:
I feel like the NYT “what do their neighbors say about them” piece is almost required.
I remember they did the same piece when Clinton moved to NY.
Well, different, because the neighbors didn’t say bad things about Clinton, but why is Romney patrolling the beach for pot smokers, anyway?
tybee
i tried repeatedly to quit but until i quit trying to chang my patterns, nothing worked.
what did work was nicotine gum, nicotine patches and altoids cinnamon. sometimes in conjunction. and yeah, i know.
i quit trying to avoid the smoking expeditions outside and started going out with the smokers again.
they’d light up, i put in an altoids cinnamon candy.
when they were done with the smoke, i was done with the altoid.
keep quitting. if you back slide, quit again.
eventually it will stick.
and it’s GREAT not being an addict.
Patrick
Hang in there, I finally kicked a 20+ year habit.
Tried the chantix, but thought I was losing my mind (waking hallucinations). Finally used nicotine gum. It worked but I’ve fallen off the gum wagon a couple of times. Tough habit.
Betty Cracker
@tybee: Thanks, Tybee. This is my third serious attempt (I quit when I was pregnant and quit again for three months a few years back). I think you’re right about the patterns, and I’m taking a different approach now. Instead of avoiding having my morning coffee on the porch, I have it there as usual; I just don’t smoke.
For me, at least,it hasn’t been all that difficult to retrain myself for routine activities I used to punctuate with a cigarette (after meals, etc.). It’s the stressed-out times that are the hardest to deal with, but so far, so good. I just keep telling myself inhaling poisonous fumes doesn’t make any situation better, and I know that this is true…
gene108
I think a big question, which needs to be asked by White House reporters is will President Romney serve coffee in the White House?
Or will the reporters demand he continue giving out free coffee and thereby infringe on President Romney’s religious freedom to ban caffeine, per his church’s doctrine?
p.a.
If the Rhode Island Reds were at the controls, for your dream to be accurate, they MUST NOT use turn signals, MUST speed up approaching yellow lights, MUST drive 45mph in the interstate passing lane, MUST be oblivious to the concept of crosswalks, and MUST flip off any other motorist or pedestrian who causes them to yield for any reason.
gene108
I think I’m getting frustrated with lo-info voters around me, who have become Romney supporters for the sake of change for change’s sake.
I’d just let the Republicans take over.
Democrats walk out of Congress.
Let Republicans take complete ownership of whatever mess they create.
I don’t care, if I end up unemployed and destitute at this point in time.
I’m tired of the crap Republicans have pulled to hurt the economy over the past 3 years not sticking to them, because they definitely have made things worse.
harlana
ok, chickens. that’s better.
WereBear
@Betty Cracker: You quit when you were pregnant, and good for you! Can’t you do the same… for our own life?
Just offering another motivational nugget.
My husband has a chronic illness and he found the “screen” of nicotine was a great help… but he quit, too, because I pointed out the day they find the cure I don’t want to hear he has lung cancer, instead.
harlana
@Raven: i simply cannot stomach that show anymore. it’s just too much loud blabbering for early in the morning and i end up wanting to throw my coffee cup at the teevee.
his sniggering little boy clique peanut gallery he always has up there just turns my stomach. no big fan of Mika the Enabler, but i’d like to see her just slap the ever-loving shit out of his big cheesehead mug, just once. i mean, leave a handprint. from all those ads, she looks like she’s in good enough shape to cold-cock him good if caught unawares.
i’d tune in for that.
Wilson Heath
@Raven:
Funny that you mention Morning Schmoe in the very first comment. I read the post title, saw the pic, and thought: “Of course! A TV morning show with just Betty’s chickens in front of a camera would be more informative and interesting than any other TV morning show out there.”
harlana
@Betty Cracker: not addicted to nicotine. i smoke as an exercise of self-loathing brought on by a few years of desperation and stress. gotta quit but gotta get over the self-loathing part first, which is proving difficult. i find it seriously disturbing and contributory to the self-loathing part. makes no sense whatever.
Betty Cracker
@harlana:
I’d drop $29 on Pay-per-View for that. I cannot abide that smug, clueless, self-righteous prick. Did you see the clip where Mika’s dad was a guest on the show and smacked Scarborough down but good? Sweet, sweet, sweet.
Scarborough spent the next three days sending up rebuttal trial balloons. It was pathetic and humiliating, so I relished every minute of it, the only time I’ve actually enjoyed that show.
evap
Good luck, Betty, we’re rooting for you!!
R. Porrofatto
Chantix is one nasty drug. Best of luck. I quit back in 1990 after years of trying to, feeling guilty and ashamed at not quitting, feeling shitty and worrying about health, constantly berating myself for not quitting, ad nauseum… etc. The absolute bestest thing about quitting is no longer having to. Getting rid of that monster was even better than being able to breathe.
I tried to get my best friend to quit with the “if I can do it, anyone can” song. He didn’t take my advice but he did finally quit cold turkey the day he was told he had lung cancer. It turned out that quitting was ridiculously easy in that circumstance. Sadly, the cancer killed him four years later.
Todd
Weirdest dream ever was some psychedelic worm thing, when I tried the patch.
All I wanted to do while on the patch was to roll them up and smoke them – the gum was my cure.
Am now 3 years off the stalk. Put on a bunch of weight for it, but feel better and can do more.
Dr. Omed
I was standing outside “Grandmother’s House,” the house of many rooms, many places, and many appearances that I visit so often in dream that I wonder whether I am a ghost in that world, or a ghost in the waking world—or a ghost in both.
It was cold; misty, like it could rain but hadn’t made up its mind to do it. This time Grandma’s house was built of large timbers of dark wood, in a manner that was like a cross between a Pacific Northwest Amerindian lodge, and a Japanese temple. As I walk around a corner of the house, I see a structure about the same size and shape as an old style British phone box but made of the same dark wood, with elaborately carved open lattice work on the sides—essentially it was a very large vaguely oriental birdcage. I could see through the lattices that it was full of crows; crows and blackbirds.
A woman with long frizzy brown hair, grey eyes, and a fair complexion stood beside the door of the cage. She opened the door, just a bit, reached in and caught a bird without any hurry or trouble whatsoever, and without disturbing the other crows very much. The women brought the captured crow out, closed the door, and quickly slit the bird’s belly from gizzard to tail, using a small very sharp knife—or could it have been her fingernail? She held the body open and peered inside the gaping slit she had made, then pressed it closed as if she was closing a book, and smoothed the black feathers. Somehow the wound was healed, and the bird revived none the worse for the treatment. She released the bird, which hopped to the ground and flew away, opened the cage, caught another crow, and repeated her actions with the same result.
As I came closer, the woman turned and looked me up and down. She said, “Sometimes it’s better when I look inside.” I stood beside her and watched her for a while, and at one point she snipped a bit of intestine about the length of her pinkie out of one crow, and quickly ate it. The bird was healed and as seemingly unharmed as all the rest. “Sometimes it’s good to shorten it a bit,” said the lady. I looked at her and was suddenly convinced that she too was a crow, or a bird-goddess of some sort, though she looked like a distinctly un-avian middle-aged woman. But then I fell awake.
Schlemizel
years ago actual scientists did some experiment with rats. They could have a drug or they could have food but they couldn’t have both in the same time. There were only two drugs the rats would kill themselves for – cocaine and nicotine. Every other drug the rats would give up at some point to get the food. But those two the rats would starve to death for. Of course the cigarette companies knew this.
As for weird dreams, well I keep hoping that this is just a weird, horrible nightmare & I will soon wake up.
Jake
After 20 yrs and a handful of failed attempts, I was able to finally quit using e-cigarettes. January 15th was my last smoke. If you wanna try this method, purchase online. Stay away from the insanely over-priced mall crap.
amk
I kicked that nasty habit the day Obama got elected in 2008 (so many other milestones, anniversaries, children’s b’days, world anti-tobacco days etc. etc. all went by without anything to show for it) and am still free of that nasty stick.
I just hope I don’t have to restart come this Nov.
donnah
Good luck kickin’ the butts.
My most memorable dream was about my best friends father, who died of cancer when we girls were in high school. A few months after he died, I dreamed that I was walking past the office building where he worked and he came outside. I was shocked to see him and walked up to him and gave him a hug. I asked how he was doing, and he said he was doing just fine, then he asked me how his wife and kids were. I told him they missed him, that everyone missed him, and he said to tell them he was okay.
Then he went back into the building and I woke up.
I think it was my teenage minds way of letting go.
Mino
Two years plus for me. I had nicotine gum in the house, but didn’t use it. I just used sugarless gum. Do look out for the weight gain. Your metabolism has to reset. I gained thirty pounds overnight, it seemed. I didn’t mind the first 10, but still have another 15 to get back to feeling like it’s really my body. Funny, that.
I realized that I used nicotine as a mental break from heavy concentration at either writing or design. Still have that urge today. But I refuse to purchase a pack.
That is the main thing. Refuse to purchase a pack.
beltane
Prince William is now an official search & rescue pilot http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/feedarticle/10277578
WTF have the Romney princes ever done to help their fellow man, or do they only have fellow Mormon millionaires, not fellow humans.
Kane
Hot biscuits were stacked atop a plate to my left. To my right there was a long tall glass with a thirst-quenching beverage. On the center of the table there was a red and yellow box filled with Popeyes chicken. The chicken had been cooked perfectly to a crisp golden brown. I made my plate, and was just about to take my first bite, when I woke myself up from the dream by smacking my lips together in anticipation.
NancyDarling
I dreamt of Catherine Keener the other night. I know her a little as she was a dental patient in my office in SoCal for several years (and she is just a dynamite human being!)
In my dream, she was my neighbor here in Arkansas. She was leaving Dermot—they actually split a few years back. She showed up at my place in a white 1950’s Nash Rambler Cross Country packed to the headliner. She opened a rear passenger door and out tumbled two horses in full tack (she apparently rides western). There was a paint named Bill and a dapple gray named Old Bill. They weren’t huge horses but they weren’t ponies either. I offered to add them to my mule menagerie and then I woke up.
I don’t know what it means. I think what triggered the dream was an article I had just read about Romney, pere and I had just read about her latest movie with Jane Fonda.
Elizabelle
Betty: good luck with quitting smoking.
That has got to be an accomplishment.
Maybe the chickens will take you flying next week.
jayboat
Good luck in your battle, Betty.
I’ve never smoked cigarettes, but as a lifelong, world champion weed lover, I’ve always sympathized with those who have been held captive by big tobacco’s poisonous offerings. One of my favorite stoner arguments has always been the mantra: “if cigarettes were illegal today, they would never be legalized”.
Considering the current state of the union I am beginning to have my doubts about that.
I’m pretty sure I saw your chickens drivin’ around down here in Naples last Thursday.
Donut
I’m also a 20-year nicotine junkie. At my worst I smoked at least two packs a day, easily. I pretty much always had a smoke in my hand.
I really LOVE smoking tobacco. I am craving it now, typing this post.
It took me about four or five serious attempts to kick it, finally did so in 2004. Have not had so much as a drag on a smoke since then. Nicotine is a nasty nasty task master, for sure.
I used the patch, but ultimately it really just comes down to willpower, and accepting that you’re just going to feel nuts for awhile. I won’t sugar coat – it took me five or six years to get over serious cravings. I mean, the cravings got better over time, but at first, countless times per day, it seemed, I had to beat back that demon. Eventually that compulsion to smoke (or chew, etc) lessens and eases. Now cravings are few and far between and I can swat them down fairly easy, relatively speaking. YMMV, but for me to get there, I had to recognize that nicotine would always be a serious demon for me. You have to wrestle with it in your own way. It not as immediately life-threatening as cocaine/heroin/meth, etc, but the same challenges to quit using it are there, and I basically had to accept that I was an addict and my drug use was selfish and self-indulgent and was gonna kill me some day if I didnt figure out how to beat it. For me, it was a matter of getting to know myself better, learning to recognize what triggers led me to use nicotine and then dealing with my bullshit. When you really examine how you’ve woven this drug into your life, then you can unravel that thread, in my experience.
Good luck, Betty, you can do it..
Donut
@tybee:
Oh yeah, that’s the best advice: keep quitting. It’s not s one-time thing. You basically have quit every day, all over again! At least for awhile.
gocart mozart
Quitting cigarettes is no problem, I have done it many times myself. Have you tried the patch or the gum? Cold turkey is most foul. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtcUEP6goZ0
Also, some perhaps more appropriate images.
http://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&hl=en&source=hp&biw=676&bih=351&q=cold+turkeys&gbv=2&oq=cold+turkeys&aq=f&aqi=g-S3&aql=&gs_l=img.12..0i24l3.6844.11859.0.15547.12.9.0.3.3.0.94.704.9.9.0…0.0.LvES19Sy-6A
debbie
An upscale Zimmerman?
I quit smoking after more than 25 years. For me, the patch worked. Pretty impressive that you’ve already gone a week without. Focus on that, and the future will get easier.
NancyDarling
Betty, I have not made a serious quitting attempt in a while, but you have inspired me.
I tried several years ago when my family and several friends hiked the Grand Canyon. I had one cigarette left and decided I would reward myself with it when I got to Phantom Ranch. I made it down the Kaibab Trail, found my bunk, and went to the canteen for a glass of wine to go with the cig.
Guess what! They sell ’em down there! That totally bollixed up my plans.
Kane
I heard a story that Mitt Romney had dressed up as a police officer and actually pulled over drivers. How strange is that? Was I dreaming that story?
liberal
Don’t know if you’ve heard of this…saw this on ABC this am while putting Sesame Street on the TV for the kiddos…more stand your ground murder. (This time, TX in 2010.)
beltane
@Kane: Didn’t Elvis Presley do that also? What will Sully think of Mitt’s dislike of people, especially gay people, who smoke pot on Massachusetts beaches? That one should hit quite close to home for him I’d think.
debit
I’ve stopped smoking a few times in the past but quit for good in 2006. I used nicotine gum for the first few days until the physical cravings passed. I didn’t have a whole lot of mental cravings this last time because I was just done; I’d grown to hate the smell and the taste and the way smoking made me feel.
Something that helped me was to replace smoking with something else; not food, although that happened too. (It’s not that food suddenly tastes amazing-that happens a few months after you quit. It’s chemical; your brain used to get a zing of feel good with every puff and it wants that fucking zing back. Food, especially fatty and/or sugary food gives a milder zing and your brain knows it.) But I started biking, slowly and wheezing all the while, but I enjoyed it. Smoking wasn’t an option if I wanted to continue and go faster and further. It also helped slow the weight gain down when my brain insisted on burgers smothered in mushrooms and sour cream.
ericblair
I woke up, took a shower, made coffee and breakfast, changed, got my stuff, and walked through the front door…and then woke up for real. Had to do the whole damn thing over again. Pissed me off.
flukebucket
I smoked for over 20 years and one afternoon as a joke I purchased one of those electic cigarette kits. Quantum Cigarettes I think it was called. That was over 3 years ago. I have never smoke another cigarette from that day. A few months ago my son-in-law wanted to quit smoking and I encouraged him to borrow my electric cigarette kit. He has not had a cigarette since and of course no longer uses the kit either. I have read others who say that those things are a waste of time and for some folks I do not doubt that they are. But they worked like a charm for me much to my surprise and for my son-in-law also.
nwithers
Best of luck quitting, as it happens I ran across an article in my RSS feed (I have a really good one for recent scientific papers) that might be helpful. This group just finished a large longitudinal study showing that eating more fruits and vegetables seems to help a bit with quitting and staying off. Later studies might prove it wrong, but heck, we probably need to eat more fruits and veg anyway. Here’s the link for general perusal, and good luck on quitting!
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/06/120606132426.htm
Butch
Is this going to date me or what, but I promised myself I would quit when cigarettes hit 50 cents a pack, and I did.
It doesn’t involve a dream, just a good chicken story. We moved back to the Upper Midwest last year from Colorado and took our chickens with us, transported in a 12-foot, 1956 travel trailer we call Lucy (for Lucy and the Long Long Trailer). Several of the chickens perched up on the sink and stove (we covered everything tightly in plastic) and peered out the windows, much to the consternation of passing motorists. I truly thought we were going to cause a wreck.
WereBear
One tip (as long as you aren’t using patches or gum or Chantix, I have no idea how it would work then) is to brew up a cuppa peppermint & rosemary tea. Big spoonfuls of each.
It’s a nice brain zing.
@nwithers: Smoking lowers the Vitamin C in the body; makes sense that it would need to be put back.
Comrade Mary
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your metaphor for Congress as seen by a low information voter.
Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony
Last night, I dreamed I worked on a train in the 1930’s. I was male. There was a mechanical problem with the train, so a fellow laborer and I went outside to fix it. It was night and we were on the outskirts of a small town. A few people appeared and were standing maybe 20-30 feet away watching us work. We were busy and not paying much attention. More people kept showing up. They weren’t really doing anything, just watching. Then I started to realize something wasn’t right. There was something wrong with them. We sped up our work. A few started moving closer to us. Then I realized they were dead. So did my coworker. I grabbed this long metal hook and was beating them away, while he finished fixing the problem. Things were getting really crazy and I woke up.
Ronzoni Rigatoni
My dear cousin Kelly, a nurse and my godchile, told me about a dream she had a few months ago. She fell asleep watching the GOP debates and dreamed she was giving CPR to a lizard. “Was it Rick Santorum?” I asked. She fell off the couch.
I no longer do any drugs other than nicotine (for 60 years), caffeine, alcohol, so I don’t dream of anything.
Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony
Last night, I dreamed I worked on a train in the 1930’s. I was male. There was a mechanical problem with the train, so a fellow laborer and I went outside to fix it. It was night and we were on the outskirts of a small town. A few people appeared and were standing maybe 20-30 feet away watching us work. We were busy and not paying much attention. More people kept showing up. They weren’t really doing anything, just watching. Then I started to realize something wasn’t right. There was something wrong with them. We sped up our work. A few started moving closer to us. Then I realized they were dead. So did my coworker. I grabbed this long metal hook and was beating them away, while he finished fixing the problem. Things were getting really crazy and I woke up.
Ronzoni Rigatoni
My dear cousin Kelly, a nurse and my godchile, told me about a dream she had a few months ago. She fell asleep watching the GOP debates and dreamed she was giving CPR to a lizard. “Was it Rick Santorum?” I asked. She fell off the couch.
I no longer do any drugs other than nicotine (for 60 years), caffeine, alcohol, so I don’t dream of anything.
Ronzoni Rigatoni
My dear cousin Kelly, a nurse and my godchile, told me about a dream she had a few months ago. She fell asleep watching the GOP debates and dreamed she was giving CPR to a lizard. “Was it Rick Santorum?” I asked. She fell off the couch.
I no longer do any drugs other than nicotine (for 60 years), caffeine, alcohol, so I don’t dream of anything.
rlrr
@gene108:
One can get coffee, booze, and porn while reading at most Marriott hotels…
rlrr
@beltane:
They’re working hard to get their father elected President in order to save us from Kenyan soc1al1sm.
Linda Featheringill
Your dream indicates that you are willing to participate in the Way of Chickens.
I don’t know what that Way involves. Maybe a little observation on your part might solve that mystery.
And the girls are looking lovely.
ETA:
I’ve known some Zen folks who said that their best teachers weren’t human at all.
redshirt
I’m with you Betty. I tried quitting recently – went three weeks without a smoke. But for no good reason started up again. Boredom. It’s the habit that’s hardest to break, not the addiction.
As such, I finally gave in and bought an E-Cigarette, and will try again shortly.
E-cigarettes provide nicotine, but no smoke – it’s vaporized water. Thus, 98% of the worst of the cigarette is eliminated. And yet, you still get to perform the smoking rituals that are no doubt deeply embedded in your life.
Email me if you have any questions. I’ve done quite a bit of research, but have yet to start with the e-cig.
merrinc
@Betty Cracker:
Then you’ve got this, Betty! Think of those as ‘practice’ runs – this one is the real thing and you’re going to rock it.
I smoked for about 20 years. Quit when pregnant with my son, started back. Quit using the patch (back when it was prescription only) for around 10 months and started back due to work related stress. Had many other brief flirtations with quitting over the years – anywhere from 1 day to 2 weeks. When I got pregnant with my (now nearly 14 yr old) daughter, I quit cold turkey and never picked them back up. I credit all those practice runs with making me successful with my final quit. So I know YOU CAN DO THIS.
One thing that I found helped me the most was keeping part of my smoking routine but adjusting it. See, even here in tobacco country (NC), I had been used to smoking outside for years. And after my son was born, I never smoked in the house again. I was used to going outside in all kinds of weather (moronic, I know) and it had become a way to grab a little Me time, a way to escape what ever was annoying me, my chance to be alone for a few minutes. So when the urge for a smoke on the back porch hit me, I went out and sat on the back porch. And took deep breaths, enjoying the fact that I wasn’t drawing POISON into my lungs with every breath.
But what works is different for everyone and I hope you find whatever makes it easier for you. There are a lot of us pulling for you.
PeakVT
I keep reading the title as “Up with Chickens.”
redshirt
@Mino: The weight gain is a formidable obstacle! And I can assure everyone it’s not based on eating more. I’ve quit many times and noticed an almost immediate 10-15 pound gain, despite working out like a dog and starving myself. My research indicates this is a result of two factors – increased water retention combined with constipation.
There’s no way around it it seems, so be prepared for it. Eating more in oral compensation will of course only make it worse, so beware.
the Conster
Good luck Betty. I loved almost every cigarette I ever smoked, but I’m one of those lucky people that has always been able to pick them up and put them down for long periods of time, and this latest time without them has been about three years. I had one at a party last week, and two beach cigarettes on vacation in February, but none for about three years prior, and it never occurs to me to go buy some. I wish they sold them in those little 5 packs that you can get in other countries for just that one you really want, but I think packs are around $9.00 now where I am and I would never want one that much to shell that out just to throw the pack away.
rlrr
@rlrr:
That should be:
One can get coffee, booze, and porn while reading the Book of Mormom at most Marriott hotels…
redshirt
@flukebucket: I can back your anecdotal evidence! I’ve yet to try them (just ordered one), but I convinced two other people to try them years back – one of whom was a hardcore smoker. And he quit cigs overnight. He hits the e-cig like a fiend, of course, but that’s OK.
I really think these things are the way to go.
Also, in terms of motivation, I think it’s important to have something positive you’re reaching for, rather than the negative of “Stop smoking”.
What causes me to jump off the wagon every single time I’ve quit and started back up is, frankly, I forget why I quit. Abstractly, I know of course (I want to live!) but weeks after the initial battle, that motivation no longer works for me.
So, I think it’s very important to have a concrete goal you’re working towards while quitting. Mine’s going to be to get back to running 6 miles at 8 minute miles. I know I can do it with just a few months of smoke free living.
redshirt
@the Conster: I ran the Boston Marathon twice in the 90’s and still smoked while training! What made this possible was the convenience store near the Boston Symphony that sold loosies – I’d buy three marlboros on friday and saturday and that was enough. Loosies!
Litlebritdifrnt
Next time the repubs start slamming socialist medicine and death panels you can print out this article and slap them around the face with it.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-18352411#TWEET156332
Dave S.
Good luck with quitting, Betty!
I have a fairly active dream life, including watching a foreign film in black and white in the middle of a color dream, having celebrity guest stars (a well-cast Brian Dennehy showed up in a crime/detective-type one a while back), etc. I’ve also had credits roll at the end of a few.
I used to walk in my sleep all the time but thankfully that has stopped; it’s scary to wake up and have no idea where you are. And according to other people (I never remember) I am a champion sleep-talker. Early in my freshman year at college I apparently announced “I’ve killed before and I’ll kill again.” Got along great with my roommates after that.
Stuck in the Funhouse
It’s weird, but I wouldn’t worry, unless the chickens call themselves Thelma and Louise. If that’s the case, time to get some new dreams, or new chickens.
Suffern ACE
@JPL: So an article that says “Romney lives republican values in all of his houses” is a slap in the face?
What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us? (formerly MarkJ)
I can do one better in real life. The psychologist B. F. Skinner taught pigeons to fly Pelican Missles during World War II. So a group of chickens probably could be taught to drive a car.
Special One
Man, you want weird-ass dreams? Try kicking a 20+ year pot habit… or maybe that’s just allowing me to actually remember my weird-ass dreams.
I had a dream last night that revolved around profiterole handguns that fired only quarters. Crotobaltoslovenian terrorists invaded my yard and I had to fight them off with the sweet and tasty chocolate covered gats my wife baked up. I kept running out of ammo and having to search through the couch cushions for loose-change reloads. I finally found a roll of quarters and went to god damned town on ’em.
rlrr
I suspect Romney is off-shoring his campaign’s IT work…
beltane
This is messed up http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jun/07/greek-golden-dawn-mp-assaults-females-tv Greek far-right MP punches female MP on live TV and then flees the scene.
Amir Khalid
The strange dream I keep having is this: i move into a strange house. It’s big. Every time I try to find my way around it, it gets bigger and more confusing: new rooms keep showing up, new hallways, new staircases, new entrances and exits. Eventually I get absolutely confused and can’t find my way at all. Then I wake up.
beltane
@rlrr: Maybe they were just trying to combine “offal” and “orifice”, which would describe the Romney campaign, and Republicans in general, perfectly.
rlrr
@beltane:
Republicans seem to have an obsession with orifices…
danielx
@gene108:
I believe that Mormon doctrine only forbids use of caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and other drugs by Mormons. They’re realists, which is why they try to convert people to Mormonism instead of outlawing them. I was working in Salt Lake City a while back and discovered that the only beer sold in retail outlets was 3.2 swill. You had to spend five dollars on a “membership” to get decent beer at a brewpub. But then, rules like that are the reason – well, one of them – that Mormons have to constantly proselytize. If they want to grow, they have to constantly search out new recruits, and since the Church is supported by tithing – you get the picture. Kind of like Amway.
@rlrr:
Of course they do, it’s money. While they’re forbidden to use drugs of whatever nature themselves, they have no particular objection to profiting from other people’s habits as long as they’re legal. Profiting by screwing the Gentiles is better yet. I had some exposure to Mormons through having one for a boss for three years or so, and one other thing I know about Mormons is they’re most definitely into money. One might almost say religiously…
Dreams – most vivid and worst one was a classic. I was flying like Superman, soaring like a bird and having a wonderful time. Suddenly I couldn’t fly any more and started falling a long, long way. I woke up screaming before I hit the ground and woke up everyone in the house too. No more like that, please.
redshirt
@Amir Khalid: House = You and your environment. Different rooms = different parts of your psyche, with the attic representing “your mind” and the basement representing “your id” and everything in between degrees of each.
flukebucket
@redshirt:
I was not really even motivated to quit. I was just horsing around. But I found that if I kept that e-cig in my pocket and just hit it a time or two when I thought I wanted a cigarette it worked like a charm. And soon I didn’t even need to hit the e-cig anymore. The purchase of that thing has saved me a minimum of $1,500 per year because I was smoking a pack a day at least and sometimes more. I still have a pack and half of Kool Filter Kings in my freezer at home that I had the day I bought that damn thing. I keep them just so I can look in the freezer and smile from time to time knowing that they do not own me anymore.
mark
Good luck with the quitting Betty. For what it’s worth, I stopped about 5 years ago after 20 years of smoking. I was the guy everyone joked about when it came to chainsmoking, loving cigarettes, whatever: 2-1/2 to 3 packs a day.
This will sound silly because it’s so simple but it worked very well. I used to just picture myself without a smoke.
That’s it.
At first it was very difficult to do because the image of a cigarette between my fingers was so baked in. Before long it wasn’t so difficult.
After those first two or three tough weeks it became very easy to stay quit. So easy in fact, that I became convinced that what made quitting hard was everyone saying it’s impossible.
I’m pretty cynical about quick fixes and self-help stuff but I swear to God–use your imagination and you might be surprised.
Cacti
@kay:
Because Mormonism is deeply concerned that someone, somewhere might be having fun.
redshirt
@flukebucket: That’s what I’m hoping for too. How did you deal with the various supplies, specifically the juices? Did you pre-order a bunch? Do you have a local store you can buy them at? That’s my one fear is that I’ll run out and as of now I only know how to get supplies via the internet.
I’m trying to work this all out for myself and then immediately try and get my Sister to quit using the same method. She’s a more hard core smoker than me though so I want to be well prepared.
Ash Can
@Kane: Via Charles Johnson at LGF: Former Stanford dorm-mate and Cranbrook classmates say Romney impersonated a police officer in high school and pulled other drivers over as a prank. More hearsay, granted, but the last hearsay about Mitt’s bullying held water. And as one wag in that LGF thread said, “Fifty bucks says Mitt first says he has no recollection of this and then apologizes for it.”
RobR
Another vote for e-cigarettes here. I picked one up two years ago and spent a month using it as much as I could before having a real cigarette. I went from two packs a day to around half a pack in about two days.
End of that month, I put down the real smokes and haven’t picked them back up. Granted, I still use the e-cigarette (Or “this Goddamned plastic thing” when I’m drinking and sometimes still crave the real thing), but I figure it’s water vapor – sure, there’s still some nicotine, but it ain’t the nicotine that kills you.
My brand’s Volcano, with their e-juice that’s made in America. Check it out. Gotta beat staring at a patch on your arm all day while waiting for the Chantix nightmares to start…
Gus
I quit smoking after 15+ years just short of 10 years ago. Cold turkey worked for me. My wife’s aunt quit about 3 years ago, and she’s still chewing the nicotine gum. I say whatever works. Funny you should mention dreams in the same post, ’cause I had smoking dreams for about 3 years after quitting. I disagree with mark above. The first 2-3 weeks are the hardest, but it’s not easy after that. In fact, I’d say the first 2 years were hard for me off and on. There were times when a cigarette smelled really good. Now the smell disgusts me.
beltane
@Ash Can: Too bad they didn’t have “stand your ground” laws in the 1960’s.
Cacti
As for strange dreams, had a doozy the other night…
I was some sort of ghost whisperer who had to help restless spirits find peace. My job was helping them resolve the greatest disappointment of their lives.
One of my charges was Scott Norwood, Buffalo Bills kicker of Super Bowl 25 fame/infamy (who isn’t even dead btw). So, the Bills were back in the Super Bowl, the game was on the line with a Field Goal to win it. Scott was able to get a few more moments of mortality to take one last shot at it. So he comes back to life, lines up to kick, runs forward to make the boot, and…
His kicking leg comes off at the knee and goes flying through the air. Guess he was still a bit decomposed.
My wife then nudges me and asks why I’m laughing hysterically in my sleep.
redshirt
@Gus: Yeah. I’ve quit so many times and gone 3-4 weeks and then start back up. It’s not a physical urge at that point. It’s the power of all the associated habits that just wears me out. That’s why I’ve got big hopes for the e-cig.
elmo
I occasionally have extremely vivid dreams that my mother is still alive (she died when I was 24, more than 20 years ago), and then – in the dream – I start to wonder whether I’m dreaming. Invariably I convince myself that I’m not.
Waking up from those is very disorienting.
bago
There was that one dream where I had to use ladders to traverse from rooftop to rooftop, avoiding the giant worm infested ground, using a fire extinguisher to fend off goombas in mechanized hopping socks. That one was pretty weird.
burnspbesq
@gene108:
You do understand, I presume, that you’re doing exactly what the bad guys want you to do.
Kay
@Ash Can:
The comments are funny. There’s the conservative who thinks Obama is “toast” no matter what Romney does or doesn’t do.
Republicans (the rabid ones) here think Obama is “toast”, too. They’re absolutely convinced and (already) smug and condescending. I don’t agree, but I don’t say anything. I’m hoping they’ll volunteer why they believe this.
If Obama is re-elected they are going to go completely insane. They’re sort of not tracking reality anymore. They don’t say “coin flip” or “maybe”. They say “toast”.
Elizabelle
@Litlebritdifrnt:
and more on Britain’s National Health Service, from today’s Guardian:
US healthcare system a haven for many, but sick Americans are often jilted
The NHS is sending patients abroad for advanced treatments, but that same care is hard to come by for many living there
2/3 of US bankruptcies are healthcare related.
And the US healthcare system is the best in the world?
Excellent article.
I am running off a copy and mailing it to Justice Anthony Kennedy with a letter.
And making a few copies for a wingnut “oh, there’s always charity” idiot in my neighborhood.
artem1s
took me years to really quit. I did it in stages, slowly restricting the places and times I would allow myself to smoke. First not in the house, then not at work (just don’t carry them with you), then not the car, etc. After a while you really only can get outside to a smoker’s ghetto about 3 times a day anyway. Also you break the Pavlovian response to a place or situation before you try to kick the addiction. Now that the state has finally gone smoke free in restaurants and bars its that much easier to keep from relapsing.
One MAJOR upside, once I finally stopped buying them, I suddenly found I had a lot more cash left over at the end of every month!
Cacti
@Kay:
I’ve always pointed out that for Bush to win in 2004, he needed 48% of the women’s vote and 40% of the Hispanic vote. I then ask what credible poll shows Romney anywhere near either of those numbers.
The usual response is crickets.
Elizabelle
@Kay:
I can see why conservatives would think that, if they follow most major US media at all.
It’s “Obama’s bad June” now, you know.
I agree with cacti, but let’s keep it our secret.
Complacency and overreach will kill these GOP cats (one hopes).
Cacti
@Elizabelle:
Conversely, middle income Americans who are uninsured/underinsured find themselves having to travel to India, Thailand, and Singapore for affordable surgery.
And of course, if you’re poor, you’re just plain screwed.
Another Halocene Human
No worries, Betty: “blaarrgh!” is pretty much my response to Rick Scott anyway.
Stuck in the Funhouse
@Kay:
It really is a creepy phenomenon that reaches almost a religious fervor of faith based reality. People like this, are like you say, mentally setting themselves up for something like a nervous breakdown, when Obama is reelected. Since they obviously haven’t been reading the state of play in the swing states. I was a little like this in 2004, just couldn’t process that the country would reelect GWB, after no WMD. I was so crushed and crazy feeling after the election, it was hard to get out of bed in the morning, for a month or so, and imposed a complete news blackout on myself, to heal that gaping wound of disbelief. I suspect the wingnuts will instead, start cleaning their guns, and counting ammo. It’s what they do when disillusioned .
Jennifer
For all those using ecigs/wanting to try ecigs: I’ve found this place has the best prices: http://www.ecigexpress.com.
If you want to pick up the ecig, don’t buy local – they charge ridiculous prices for the refills. You have to “recharge” the cigarette with nicotine “juice” – and the pre-filled cartridges you can buy from tobacco shops are about 20x more expensive than just ordering a bottle of juice. I think the cartridges at some places are $15 or more for a 5-pack; figure you go through one of those a week, and you’re looking at $60 per month. I personally probably would have gone through 2 5-packs of cartridges a week when I first quit. The equivalent for a bottle of juice that lasted me 5 – 6 weeks was $10. Another thing I’ve done is mix my own which also lowers the price. The other thing about the pre-filled cartridges you can buy local – almost all of them will be filled with proplyene glycol (antifreeze) as the main ingredient – I didn’t think I wanted to be inhaling antifreeze, plus it creates a burn at the back of the throat, so I’ve gone with the vegetable glycerin base, figuring I was less concerned about inhaling vegetable oil, which happens when you cook anyway I’m sure.
I still haven’t put down the ecig, but it’s saved me something over $4000 in the past year, I can breathe again, so if I never put it down, I’m still way ahead of where I was when I was smoking.
Perhaps other BJers should join in Betty’s efforts. I quit when tsam over at Sadly, No! mentioned he had quit a week earlier; then bbkf & Jeffraham Prestonian joined in and a few weeks later a couple more converts. Seems to help – we could all log on and share in the struggle.
One other thing I found that really helped me – every day, starting the day I quit, I kept a log of how much money I hadn’t spent on cigarettes that day and kept a running total. By the end of the first month, seeing almost $400 in savings, I had decided there was no way in hell I was ever going to throw money away on cigarettes again. Now, over a year later, that total is over $4,000.
Good luck to you Betty, and to any other BJers who decide to join you in the effort.
rikyrah
As a Black person, with our community’s history with the law enforcement, I find Willard’s time impersonating a State Trooper to be disturbing. As a community, we have enough trouble with the law profiling us at will. Now, some spoiled punk ass is cruising the streets to see how he can bother citizens?
Another Halocene Human
@Cacti: FDA medical devices is just one more thing to game and scam. I’ve heard some stories, let me tell you.
Looks like the ACA excise tax is going to be the next DEATH PANELS!!!!!! bullshit.
I, for one, eagerly await the Hoverround perp walk.
flukebucket
@redshirt:
I didn’t even have to re-order anything. The kit I bought as a joke wound up having more in it than I ever used. I didn’t even use the e-cig for an entire month I don’t think.
Cacti
@Stuck in the Funhouse:
I honestly worry that there will be an attempt on his life when Obama is re-elected.
I expect the eliminationist rhetoric will shoot through the stratosphere.
handsmile
With all the admissions here of dreams and smoking, a Freudian would have a field day with this crew!
Kay
@Elizabelle:
Do you ever feel that there can’t be this wide gulf between reality and fiction? That something has to give? One or the other?
I would respond, if I were responding, which I’m not, that Obama’s in fairly good shape as far as national polls and state polls, not great but holding, because I do know that (although I can’t predict the future). But they don’t see it that way, apparently. They think it’s President-elect Romney, and we’re just going through the motions.
Another Halocene Human
@rikyrah: Next you’re going to tell me you aren’t jumping for joy when Steven Seagal, Lawman comes on.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Kay: It’s the not tracking reality thing that has me a tiny bit concerned. Because reality may come as a total shock to them when it asserts itself. And I suspect that are not going to take it at all well.
MattF
@Amir Khalid: Um, have you read Gene Wolfe’s “The Sorcerer’s House”? Fairly good late-Wolfe, fwiw. A lot of mysterious happenings that may or may not.
Another Halocene Human
@kay:
If he’s patrolling the beach with hair clippers, LOOK OUT!
Baud
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q):
It has to happen sooner or later. I prefer that we just get it over with.
Another Halocene Human
@p.a.: You forgot about passing on the left to make a right turn, and cutting through a gas station to make a right turn if coming up to a red light. Going the wrong way through driveways is another classic.
muddy
@Amir Khalid:
I get this all the time, but usually someone has come in an taken my things, and put replacements. They are of better quality than what I had, so I feel like I shouldn’t be mad, but I just don’t like not to be consulted. One time I asked how they had gotten past the dog, and they said, We just killed him. I woke screaming.
I get a lot of what I call persecution dreams, things happening I didn’t ask for, and I have no power. They are PTSD dreams. I can manage the symptoms pretty well while awake, but can’t control the dreams.
Ash Can
@Kay: The construction of an alternate reality began with Reagan’s dissolution of the Fairness Doctrine. Now it’s a solid concrete-and-brick bunker that keeps everyone inside well insulated from the real world. But since it’s built upon nothing stable, every event in the real world causes it to shift and crack, and causes the poor deluded souls within no end of panic and angst.
As for Romney, granted, again, that this is hearsay. But it’s hearsay from multiple witnesses, as was the case with the assault on the classmate. And it certainly fits the pattern of bullying behavior.
And yes, this happened years ago, when he was a teenager. I can look past that in and of itself. We all do stupid shit when we’re young (and we never really stop, although we get better with maturity). All he has to do is to come clean, like Obama and even W and his wife did. Obama wrote about his bad behavior in his books, for cripes sake. And as much as we kick W around, one thing that he and the GOP did right was to own up to his youthful substance abuse. And Laura did the same about her traffic accident years ago. It was a bad thing, it happened, everyone assumed responsibility, we all move on.
I don’t expect Mitt to dredge this crap up himself — it would be great if he did, but it’s obvious why he wouldn’t want to. But other people will do the dredging, and when it happens, he needs to stand up and say, “Yes, I did it, it was wrong, I was young and stupid, and this is what I learned from the experience.” And he can go on to make some pithy observation of the human condition that he can tie in to his stump speech.
However, this is Mitt Romney we’re talking about. There’s no way he’d have either the intelligence or the character to do this. There was a time not very long ago when I considered it impossible for anyone to make W look like a paragon of virtue, but Mitt Romney has done it, at least in this respect.
Another Halocene Human
@gene108: Don’t worry about married middle class straight white people for whom the elections have consequences but not always the ones you’d expect.
Go organize likely Democratic voters. Now is the time to remind them to reregister to vote because likely Democratic voters tend to move a lot. I’m sure the OfA office in your area has lists you can start from.
Patricia Kayden
@Wilson Heath: Current TV has Bill Press and The Sexy Liberal shows in the mornings — both of which are pretty good.
Amir Khalid
@Cacti:
There’s actually a term for this kind of travel: “medical tourism”. Of course, most of the time I hear about rich people doing it, going to country X to stay in a resort-like “five-star” hospital (yes, there are such things) to get a medical procedure done and a nice holiday/convalescence combination afterward.
Another Halocene Human
@nwithers: There’s some evidence linking nicotine dependency with B-vitamin deficiency, especially in teens.
Yeah, eating healthy probably won’t hurt a bit.
Another Halocene Human
@WereBear: Cool theory, bro, but Vitamin C is a water based vitamin that doesn’t accumulate in tissues.
That’s why there’s the saying that people who buy those mega-dose vitamin C pills are paying for very expensive urine.
ruemara
People don’t believe this, but I hardly ever dream. The few I’ve had, some were strange, but right now, the bizarre-est one is where I won the lottery. I wasn’t living the dream, as they say, just desperate, and I won. Even my subconscious punks me.
Another Halocene Human
@Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony: Wow, that would make an awesome short story/comic book/set piece on X-Files!
Another Halocene Human
@rlrr: No commandment against getting rich off the gentiles, as long as the Profits get their cut.
That’s why Bring’Em Young banned alcohol, by the way. He was jealous of the success of a Mormon brewer family and designed to ruin them.
Riilism
I find myself very carefully traversing a shaky, twisty rope ladder that stretches across the Missouri River at a great height. Far below me in the river, gently floating downstream, are three ginormous pink transistor radios all playing the jingle from the old Mutual of Omaha ads:
Mutual of Omaha are people, you can count on when the going’s rough…
Wake up thinking, WTF was that?….
Another Halocene Human
@Suffern ACE:
Nice, I mean that could be considered your typical NYT puff piece. When Mittster ran for governor, the Boston Globe, who never liked him, ran a series about his tenure at the Salt Lake City Olympic Committee where it was alleged he was no longer welcome in Utah for his worldly city ways and that he was verbally abusive and employed “the foulest of the foul words,” which, I am told, is not a euphemism for “Mountain Meadows Massacre.”
burnspbesq
The Florida Secretary of State has responded to DOJ’s recent letter with a letter that in effect says “fuck you, sue us if you dare.”
http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2012/06/06/495952/update-florida-governor-rick-scott-officially-defies-justice-department-vows-to-continue-voter-purge/?mobile=wp
Another Halocene Human
@danielx: But then, rules like that are the reason – well, one of them – that Mormons have to constantly proselytize. If they want to grow, they have to constantly search out new recruits, and since the Church is supported by tithing – you get the picture. Kind of like Amway.
Mormon culture and familial networks and MLM schemes go together like peanut butter and grape jelly. Remember that magic grape juice (not wine!!!) pyramid scheme?
Another Halocene Human
@Cacti: Somebody needs to make a short comic of this one, too.
Isn’t there a comic strip where they do nothing but illustrate weird dreams? Because this one is awesome.
Riilism
I once dreamt I was pregnant… as a man. Lacking a womb, the baby developed in my penis. Thank Jeebus I woke up before giving birth…
Riilism
Oops! Used the dreaded pen1s word and stuck in moderation…
Another Halocene Human
@Kay: Only felons* and illegals** vote for Obama, amirite? The Republican War on Women is made up by the media. Obama is a failure!
*IYKWIM(AITYD)
**ditto
/”comfortable” white folk bubble hat
Comrade Mary
@Riilism:
That’s not my moderation. [/rimshot]
Judas Escargot, Your Postmodern Neighbor
@Amir Khalid:
That’s been a recurring dream of mine for over a decade now. At least 1-2x a week. I often find ‘new’ rooms that are in disrepair, and odd layouts (eg what’s clearly supposed to be a bedroom has a clawfoot bathtub sitting in the middle of it) and start planning how I’ll fix them up and what I’ll use them for.
I call it my “Dreamhaus”.
Comrade Mary
@Amir Khalid: I had similar dreams for years, and I loved them. New rooms! More space! Delight! And such a disappointment to wake up from. Haven’t had them for ages now that I no longer live in a tiny apartment.
Riilism
@Comrade Mary: That’s not my rimshot! [/rimshot]
Comrade Mary
@Riilism: You win :-)
Another Halocene Human
@Kay: Romney has no ground game, just plenty of air power. Didn’t work on Britain in 1943, see no reason why that’s going to work in Florida now.
Some senior citizens told me they’re pissed about all the CoC attack ads they’re seeing but nobody else watches that much TV, I think. They haven’t blitzed weekend morning MSNBC which is all I watch, anyway. Or Animal Planet.
Riilism
@Comrade Mary: There are no losers when it comes to dirty jokes…
Mnemosyne
@redshirt:
It’s more than that — smoking can burn up to 100-200 calories a day, and it can take up to a full year after quitting for your body to readjust to not having that nicotine boost.
This is why it’s important to add in a little exercise when you quit smoking. You don’t have to start running marathons, but a 30-minute walk every day can help offset the metabolic effect.
Amir Khalid
@burnspbesq:
I presume the DoJ is already preparing such a lawsuit, as an option should Florida persist in defying the federal DoJ. Assuming that this is indeed Florida’s plan, what is likely to happen next?
bago
@Amir Khalid: Dynamic geometry dreams rule! They’re like a puzzle you created and have to solve!
gnomedad
I’m fascinated by the “standard” dreams and why so many people have them:
(*) I’m back in high school trying to remember my locker combination.
(*) I’m back in college and forgot to go to a class all semester.
(*) My teeth are falling out.
(*) I’m trying to talk or run but can’t (sleep paralysis, right?).
(*) Flying — actually, more like difficult-to-control gliding for me.
(*) Kidnapped by aliens — actually, no.
ETA: How do you make bullets that WP doesn’t eat?
FoxinSocks
I’ve had some bizarre dreams, but I think the one that takes the cake is the one I had two weeks ago.
I was at a tea party and my sixth grade teacher showed up. She pulled me aside and told me the Bill of Rights was offended by my writing. She then opens the door and an anthropomorphic Bill of Rights, like something out of Pixar, walks out and angrily glares up at me. I pick it up, give it a big wet sloppy kiss and basically tell it to go jump in a lake. So, um, yeah….weird dream…
Betty Cracker
Wow, amazing dreams and many excellent stop-smoking anecdotes and tips. Thanks, guys!
@Stuck in the Funhouse:
Me too! Not only were there no WMDs, there was no action on the August memo, blah blah blah, and yet those fuckers actually sold the clueless, manifestly incompetent liar on a “He Kept Us Safe” platform — after the worst terrorist attack in US history happened on his watch! I still can’t wrap my head around that sometimes — to this very day.
gnomedad
@rlrr:
We need a limit to terms in orifices.
Xecky Gilchrist
I’ve spent the past week struggling to kick a 20+ year nicotine addiction
YOU CAN DO IT! I was only on the little fuckers for 18 years, but quitting them was nasty. I’ve now been off for nearly four years and if I could do it you can.
bago
@gnomedad: The teeth and flying/falling ones I can personally attest to. Napping in datacenters helped, methinks.
Jennifer
I have not one, but two dreams that can top them all:
In the first, I’m in some central American country as part of an archeological team. We’re searching for a rumored “Monster Pit,” hacking through the jungle with machetes, when we emerge into a large clearing. Suddenly, as in the way of dreams, it’s nighttime. But we can see the pit in the middle of the clearing easily, because it’s surrounded by burning Tiki torches. Also, for some reason, there’s drum music coming from somewhere unseen.
And we look down into the pit, and find it’s filled with…weiner dogs. Not the black-n-tans, but the reddish ones. And all these weiner dogs are stacked up in columns ala Yertle the Turtle – the dog on bottom is standing on his hind legs, the next dog up is standing on his hind legs on the bottom dog’s “shoulders,” and so on, all the way up. These weiner dog columns are all at least a dozen dogs high, high enough that the dogs on top are almost to where they can reach the edge of the pit. And the columns are swaying back and forth as the bottom dogs walk around. Whenever one of the top dogs gets close enough to the edge of the pit, he scrabbles his stubby front legs, hoping someone will pet him.
Then I woke up, laughing. No idea where that came from.
In the other dream, it started out with someone stealing my car. But somehow, I knew they were going to bring it back to the same parking place, so I waited for them. When they come back, it’s two teenage boys and they’ve ripped the stereo out of the car and sold it. So I pull them out of the car and kick their asses, then get in the car and drive to the gas station. At the gas station, there’s this really greasy looking attendant – you know, he’s got on the shirt with the oval name patch, he’s covered with grime and it looks like if you wrung his hair you could squeeze out a couple of quarts of 30-weight. Also, he smells really bad. So I go inside to pay for gas, and there’s a line in there…while we’re waiting in line, we hear this really loud retching noise coming from outside, and everyone turns to look, and there’s the filthy attendant, just laid out flat on the pavement…and next to his head there’s this full-grown German shepherd lying there like it’s dead. And somehow, in that way of dreams, everyone who was waiting in line just immediately understood that the attendant had just puked up this whole, full-grown German shepherd, because everyone is saying to each other, “man, can you believe he actually ate that thing?”
That’s when I woke up from that one. Again, no idea what it means, though it has occured to me that German breeds of dogs seem to be a recurring motif in my most bizarre dreams, though Rottweilers, Dobermans, and Weimaraners have yet to make an appearance.
Yutsano
My dreams are either pieces of my past intersecting in plausible but will never happen ways or full stories that I really should write down. Like the one I had where there was a reporter who gets lost in the upper hills of Seattle one day but discovers a house that is a French restaurant. But not just any French restaurant. The dishes come up within 5 minutes of ordering, the menu is a large wooden panel as tall as the waiter, but if you say you want duck then one side instantly becomes full of all duck dishes, then the other side becomes veal even though it was blank before. And the wine bottles float through the air and refill glasses. The reporter makes the mistake of requesting water; suddenly everything STOPS and the matron explains there are so many other things to drink but NEVER water. It was a good story. It even had an ending.
NancyDarling
@bago: I have also had the “teeth falling out” dream. My theory is that bruxism while sleeping triggers it. I haven’t dreamt I could fly and remembered it since I was a child. I wish I could dream it again.
Stuck in the Funhouse
@Betty Cracker:
Well, in fairness to George, he did love baby jeevus, and baby jeevus loved him back, and authorized the Iraq Invasion. That’s impressive to a lot of voters in this country. It’s insane, but covered in The Book of Revelations.
burnspbesq
@Amir Khalid:
As long as it’s going to get ugly, it might as well get seriously ugly. I’d like to see DOJ go in ex parte on a Friday afternoon to get a temporary restraining order at the same time it files its complaint, and then send the Marshal’s Service out to serve it on the Governor and the Secretary of State (after tipping off every TV station in Tallahassee).
rea
Bizarre dreams?
Just last night, I lay awake, tossing and turning for hours, unable to go to sleep–and then I woke up. I’d dreamed being unable to sleep.
For years, I’ve had a chronic dream about a meeting with Leopold II of Belgium, Queen Victoria, and Calvin Coolidge in an Indian warbonnet (yeah, I dreamed about the famous picture). Nothing particularly happens in the dream.
Elizabelle
Government employees at work in Boston.
Rescuing a little girl’s stuffed bunny off the train tracks.
Like that made anyone any money or was in the employee manual.
Svensker
@mark:
This. It’s what worked for me after a bunch of attempts (and 20+ years of smoking). I just thought of myself as a non-smoker. Why would I want a cigarette if I’m not a smoker?
Also, once you become a non-smoker the freedom is just wonderful. Ciggies are really a monkey on your back — I used to spend half of my time plotting how I would fit in another cigarette since I couldn’t smoke in the office or at home. I swear I missed a few years of my life because all I could think about was when was the next chance of a smoke instead of enjoying what was going on.
Cigarettes should be outlawed for anyone under the age of 50. They’re a dangerous, disgusting, addicting drug.
gaz
I had a strange dream last night, and I can’t blame Chantix. I rarely remember my dreams, but this one involved a close friend of mine who was murdered about six years ago, and his old dodge pickup he had when he was a teenager – which is kind of a funny coincidence.
I’m pretty sure that the Bang Bang thread the other day was what triggered the dream, as I had been thinking of my murdered friends, particularly Jeremy pretty frequently since then – I still miss him dearly. As dreams go, I’ll take it. If I can visit with him (if only in a dream) it’s still a good thing.
burnspbesq
Frum’s takedown of the Gramm/Hubbard WSJ op-ed is truly righteous. “Rip van Winkle economics” is worthy of a “heh, indeedy.”
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/06/07/rip-van-winkle-economics.html
Ben Franklin
Starting Tuesday, look out for an unusual warning atop your Gmail inbox, Google home page or Chrome browser. It will not mince words: “Warning: We believe state-sponsored attackers may be attempting to compromise your account or computer.”
Google said it planned to issue the warning anytime it picks up malicious–possibly state-sponsored–activity on a user’s account or computer. How does Google know whether an attack is state-sponsored? It won’t say.
“We can’t go into the details without giving away information that would be helpful to these bad actors, but our detailed analysis—as well as victim reports—strongly suggest the involvement of states or groups that are state-sponsored,” Eric Grosse, Google’s vice president of security engineering, wrote in a blog post.
The announcement is timed just one week after security researchers discovered Flame, a massive, data-mining virus, had been spying on computers in the Middle East– predominantly in Iran– for at least the last four years.
Researchers say they believe the Flame virus is sponsored by the same entity that commissioned Stuxnet,
h/t Joe Cannon
AS you know, Stuxnet was the viral shit-storm unleashed on Iran’s centrifuges.
What is the source of this new fab-tech-innovation?
Some speculate it’s Israel, that good partner who reminds me of our ally China.
muddy
@burnspbesq: Frum has been so much better since he had his facial paralysis thing. He may have grown some empathy or something.
gaz
@Ben Franklin: Luckily I don’t use gmail for anything potentially compromising. The previous hack cemented that policy for me.
If the govt wants the good stuff on me, I’m sure they’ll get it, but I have no interest in making it easy. Most of my good info is behind a locked door – which is protected by the constitution and due process. No warrant, no entry. =)
Caz
I’ve been ordering Swedish snus online for a while now, and I’ve learned that if I fall asleep with one in, I have the most vivid, intricate, strange dreams. I suspect the Chantix is doing something similar. I actually look forward to falling asleep with a snus in now, the dreams are totally wild! If you want to have the best dreams ever, I suggest ordering some snus online (Getsnus.com) and putting one in before bed. They aren’t like dip, there’s not drip or juice or anything – it just sits under your lip putting nicotine into your system. Quite enjoyable for dreaming!
Ben Franklin
@gaz:
What email do you trust the most. I am totally non-tech and use yahoo.
Xecky Gilchrist
@Jennifer: And we look down into the pit, and find it’s filled with…weiner dogs.
Coolest dream EVER.
Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony
@Another Halocene Human:
Nightmares are not all that uncommon when I am really stressed overcommitted. But I am not sure why this one was about zombies. In college, my nightmares were usually alien invasion dreams. Then, for years, I would have nightmares about vampires chasing me (usually inside a huge, endless post-apocalypic shopping mall). I had evil spirit dreams, which are super creepy. This might be my first zombie dream, though.
Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony
@Jennifer:
Love the weiner dream!
Mnemosyne
@rea:
That happens to me a lot. I’m not sure if I’m actually an insomniac or if I just dream that I’m one.
The most vivid dreams I remember having were when I was reading Neil Gaiman’s “Sandman” comics. They’re such a great evocation of the dream world that you start to remember your own dreams and realize how strange they really are.
@Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony:
I’ve had zombie dreams for years, and they always happen when I’m overstressed and overcommitted and I feel like people are, well, trying to eat me alive.
Haven’t had a zombie dream for a while — they got a lot less frequent once I figured out what they meant. My dreams about my teeth falling out stopped after I got dental insurance again and got everything taken care of.
Amir Khalid
@Yutsano:
For some reason, your restaurant dream-story (especially the bit about the menu) reminds me of The Bavarian Restaurant Sketch:
Und jetzt, die Überreichung der Speisekarte!
Dave Trowbridge
I was in the Papal Guard (complete with “tutu” and halberd), and on duty outside JPII’s bedroom. We heard him shout for help and rushed in to find him scrunched up against the headboard of this giant papal bed, the covers drawn up to his chin, his eyes wide with terror as, at the foot of the bed, Muammar Ghaddafi tore the pop-tops off of Miller Light cans and threw them at the pope like hand grenades.
I woke up as we were dragging Ghaddafi off to the dungeon.
Ivy vann
I recently dreamt I was trying to get to the embarkation point for a wilderness canoe trip, a trip that my mother (who’s been dead for 8 years) was also taking. She was at the take-off, along with my four kids, and I *could not* get there. Also, I kept losing my lifejacket and having to double-back for it. Over and over again. I eventually got to where I could see them, but I never made it.
It’s the lifejacket detail I love: could my subconscious be any more trite?