Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

We will not go quietly into the night; we will not vanish without a fight.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Do we throw up our hands or do we roll up our sleeves? (hint, door #2)

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Dumb motherfuckers cannot understand a consequence that most 4 year olds have fully sorted out.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

Republicans in disarray!

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

Petty moves from a petty man.

President Musk and Trump are both poorly raised, coddled 8 year old boys.

’Where will you hide, Roberts, the laws all being flat?’

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

One lie, alone, tears the fabric of reality.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

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This is a genuinely great idea

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I was always sorry I never saw “Buddy Cianci: The Musical” so I hope someone takes this Atrios suggestion seriously and makes a musical about Tom Friedman:

It’s the tale of a wealthy white American who travels the world, blissfully unaware that all of the wiley foreigners who flatter his ever thought and deed are just in it for the tips.

All dialogue for the “Tom Friedman” character will be taken from the collected writings and public utterances of Tom Friedman. We’ve got a massive opening number, Bollywood style, sung by every cab driver Tom Friedman has ever met and quoted. Potential opener title: The World is Flat (but the roads are bumpy).

Does Suck on This end the first act or open the second? So much to think about…

Reader Interactions

27Comments

  2. 2.

    Trentrunner

    Patter song in the middle of act 1:

    “Don’t be a hata/Trust my anecdata!”

  3. 3.

    beltane

    Someone could choreograph a fabulous song & dance number about the Green Tea Party.

  5. 5.

    Soonergrunt

    They could throw in a part about how his family loses their asses in the real estate game from bad investments and how he’s saved from ruin by his collection of real witticisms, homespun sayings and anecdotes from his travels around the world.

  7. 7.

    Amir Khalid

    I can’t wait to hear that song of hope for the future, Six Months From Now. It’ll be just like You’ll Never Walk Alone from Carousel.

  9. 9.

    Valdivia

    Sorry, I am not big on musicals in general so the idea of subjecting myself to one about Tom Fucking Friedman? No way. There’s no music in the universe than can make that man ok.

  11. 11.

    Amir Khalid

    @Valdivia:
    Plus, there’s no way The Mustache would let himself be mocked in a mash-up of Bollywood and Broadway musical styles, apt though that would be to his romanticized notions about globalization. But it’s a nice thought exercise.

    (Random thought: if Tom Friedman is the Mustache of Understanding, then what is Sam Elliott the Mustache of?

  12. 12.

    MattF

    But don’t forget– if there’s a gun on the mantelpiece in Act One, someone has to use it by the end of the play.

  14. 14.

    TG Chicago

    @beltane: I was thinking Taibbi could be the antagonist.

    I’d also like sad ballad about the death of Americans Elect.

  16. 16.

    gbear

    The war will be won in six months
    Better bet your bottom that in six months.
    Just thinking about six months
    Clears away the Sunni and the Shia til there’s none.

    When I’m stuck with a day that’s gray and lonely
    I shoot off my mouth and grin and say…

    The weapons will be found in six months
    So just suck on this for six months is what I say.
    In six months, in six months, we’ll fix it in six months.
    It’s always just six months away!

  17. 17.

    burnspbesq

    I’m going to need another gallon of Nature’s Miracle to get the stench from this pile o’ crap out of my carpet.

  18. 18.

    gbear

    @gbear: crap, I missed part of a line in the first verse.

    ‘Better bet your bottom that in six months we’ll have won’.

  21. 21.

    Alison

    I’m picturing a number with people wearing giant mustaches with little city-scenes decorating them, a la the hats in Beach Blanket Babylon.

    (For the unfamiliar – and if so, I highly highly recommend it if you’re ever in SF, or somewhere near, or can get here for a night. One of the absolute best live performances of any kind.)

  22. 22.

    Joseph Nobles

    “Suck on This” definitely ends the first act.

    “Whocoodanode” opens the second.

  24. 24.

    gloryb

    I’m not musical at all, but I see a scene traveling from the airport to the Infosys campus with Tom ignoring the people in the street singing all around hjm. Oh, and a song about Lexuses (Lexi?) andolive trees.

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