Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

The willow is too close to the house.

Come on, man.

This really is a full service blog.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

A Senator Walker would also be an insult to reason, rationality, and decency.

People are complicated. Love is not.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

Accountability, motherfuckers.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

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The bathroom, Day 3:

So the floor tile is down and tomorrow we grout it, the tub tile is halfway done. After this level, decorative tile goes in and then smaller tiles to the ceiling.

And by we, I mean I stay out of the way of the person doing this and run to Lowes to buy stuff every couple hours. My contribution to today’s construction was to accidentally step on a floor tile while handing the contractor a pencil, thus causing him to have to redo the floor. Yay, me. Fucking moron.

Here’s a bonus Lily pic:

It wasn’t until I got Lily that I began to understand the infatuation you breeders have with your children.

Reader Interactions

64Comments

  4. 4.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    While the kids are a nice deal, the breeding is nicer. Especially the practice breeding.

    Practice makes perfect! :D

  7. 7.

    Ash Can

    So the floor tile is down and tomorrow we grout it, the tub tile is halfway done.

    WHATHTEFUCKETYFUCK

    And by we, I mean I stay out of the way of the person doing this and run to Lowes to buy stuff every couple hours.

    Whew. Thank God. I thought this blog was a goner for a second.

  8. 8.

    Ash Can

    And BTW, am I the only one who feels a little chilly looking at that pic of Miss Lily? Somebody put a nice cozy blankie over that doggie stat!

  9. 9.

    boss bitch

    Oh. No Cujo eyes this time.

    You need a new camera. Everything in your house looks like the same color.

  11. 11.

    eemom

    Who else but John Cole could post pictures of a bathroom under construction and a centerfold from Hustler Magazine, Dog Edition and reasonably expect to generate at least 100 enthusiastic responses. On Friday night.

    I give up.

  13. 13.

    Biff Longbotham

    Bathroom re-do? Maybe shopping at Crate and Barrel for those all important accessories? Are you trying to tell us something? If so, I salute you! If I’m trying to read between single spaced lines, then please excuse the impertinence.

  14. 14.

    Jewish Steel

    CNN:

    According to the Gallup survey, 68% of Jewish Americans back President Barack Obama, while 25% support the presumptive Republican presidential nominee.

    25% Our meshugefication factor.

    I’ll make some calls and straighten this out.

  17. 17.

    NotMax

    @Spaghetti Lee

    Well, Sheldon Adelson counts (in his own mind) for 15% or more all by his lonesome.

    Or maybe they polled ‘people who once ate a bagel’ by mistake.

  18. 18.

    freelancer

    @Jewish Steel:

    25% of any group balks when a public figure doesn’t commit to rendering their own personal bad guys into dust. Don’t worry about it too much.

  19. 19.

    Omnes Omnibus

    Hyphenated to avoid moderation. FYWP

    @eemom: He times it right. Drunk people just need the open-ish thread.

  20. 20.

    Roger Moore

    @Spaghetti Lee:

    I’m thinkin’ Gallup’s using some funny math.

    Or maybe just a tiny sample size. If those are crosstabs from a nationwide poll, it means they’re asking maybe 20 people, tops. In that case the numbers are pretty much meaningless. They aren’t worth crap until you get at least a few hundred people.

  24. 24.

    Jewish Steel

    That problem solved, I have to tell you that the raccoons in my neighborhood are so stinky that, despite the cooler temps, I was forced to close my window and turn the air back on when they took their evening constitutional.

    So, I need some volunteers to help me bathe the neighborhood raccoons. Show of hands, folks!

  25. 25.

    Martin

    Hey, can someone help me get Kevin Drum’s email address. I think his cat was in my yard last night. Would like to get him my address to narrow down his search or if the cat comes back without my corgi chasing it off.

  26. 26.

    Spatula

    The floor tile is boring and humdrum. Home Depot?

    A tiled ceiling, however, sounds very cool.

  27. 27.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Jewish Steel: My brother was terrorized by the little bastards when they nested in his garage a few years ago. If you want to pressure wash them, I am sure he is your man.

  28. 28.

    Jewish Steel

    @Omnes Omnibus: My friends live in the sewer. I have seen them crawl out of it at night. I will shout this passage down into the storm drain:

    Once she is wet I put her in the bottom of the tub and let her play in the water while I apply and lather the baby shampoo on her coat. She generally loves this part and thinks it is play-time.

    When they hear that, I expect they will surrender themselves eagerly.

  29. 29.

    Roger Moore

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    My brother was terrorized by the little bastards when they nested in his garage a few years ago.

    Could be worse. I have a coworker who had a raccoon nest in her chimney. From the sound she thought it was birds, but then they spread their fleas to the house. Naturally, nobody was willing to try extracting a family of raccoons from a tight space like a chimney, and she didn’t like our suggestion of lighting a fire in the fireplace. She wound up toughing it out until the babies were ready to move. One day when they were out, she had somebody install a wire screen on the top of the chimney so they couldn’t get back inside.

  30. 30.

    jayjaybear

    I’m having unseemly longings to see how Mittshugina does in Israel. I’m not proud of that, but I’m definitely not suppressing the sensation, either.

  31. 31.

    Jewish Steel

    @Roger Moore: Our chimney is bricked up. Which seems a shame on a chilly fall evening. But in light of your story it seems like a blessing from the gods.

  33. 33.

    Roger Moore

    @Jewish Steel:
    You don’t need to brick the thing up to keep the raccoons out. You only need to have a heavy-weight wire mesh cover put on the top. The smoke can go out just fine, but animals larger than an insect can’t go in.

  34. 34.

    Jewish Steel

    @Roger Moore: Of course. It was bricked up when I moved in. fixing it is one of those unnecessary projects that can never seem to move to the top of the list. Cosmetics and triage at our current income level, alas.

    But back to my point: Will you or won’t you wash my raccoons?

  39. 39.

    mdblanche

    On my way home from work, I glanced at the papers in the market. No mention of Romney’s disastrous day in London on the front page of USA Today. A photo on the front page of the NY Times with the article itself being on page A100. And in the local right-wing rag no longer even fit to line a birdcage, a front page article about Romney’s terrible no-good day. The national media may be so over this journalism thing but out in the sticks the local yokel media still does it sometimes, and they sometimes even do it through gritted teeth.

  40. 40.

    Jewish Steel

    @Yutsano: Alright. I’ve got some codeine cough syrup from last Spring’s bronchitis. I’ll get the dj Screw bumpin’ and fetch some little plastic cups for coon-lean. This plan is coming together nicely.

  43. 43.

    Jon H

    @NotMax:

    “Still finding this medical reconstruction story a source of ‘the future is now’ amazement.”

    We can rebuild him. Better. Stronger. Faster

  47. 47.

    Jewish Steel

    @freelancer: “Fans of raccoon mistreatment have found their Citizen Kain” Ha!

    No I haven’t seen it. That’s pretty good.

  48. 48.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    Florida has found a solution for rich people getting stuck in freeway traffic jams with the wage slaves and poor people: Lexus Lanes

  50. 50.

    Jewish Steel

    @Odie Hugh Manatee:

    Prasad counters that those who do not pay the tolls benefit almost as much as those who do because traffic flows better for both groups.

    Trickle down traffic, poors!

  51. 51.

    MikeJ

    Hello, people. Home from having yummy mussels and crab cakes at Etta’s. The US women’s game come on in an hour, and I’m wide awke.

  53. 53.

    MattR

    @MikeJ: If you are talking women’s basketball, my schedule shows China-Czech Republic at 4 am Eastern with the US women at 11:45 am

  55. 55.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @Jewish Steel:

    Trickle down traffic? That’s funny, but only as long as you’re not stuck in it.

    @Joseph Nobles:

    I would have to politely disagree. While that’s a pretty fucking crazy winger article, it’s only a momentary spike in the tremors on the Peak Wingnut Richter Scale (PWRS). I have faith that there’s much worse to come in the Peak Wingnut Event (PWE) that we’re currently undergoing.

    An earthquake of unimaginable proportions would be shorter, more merciful and do less damage than what will come when the current PWE reaches it’s peak.

    I do have to admit that is an interesting angle they are taking to blame Obama for the Aurora shootings. I knew there would be someone to find some way to do it but this angle? Never saw it coming.

    But then again, I’m not a crazy Christian winger.

  57. 57.

    Raven

    I want a report on that grout job. It’s a stone bitch, one pull on the sponge and you have to thoroughly rinse it. . ..repeat, repeat, repeat.

  58. 58.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @Joseph Nobles:

    Of course. Every winger knows that Obama makes all evil things happen. He made all of their great candidates fail so that he could shove Rmoney down their throats and then steal the election this fall. Obama also keeps telling my cats to fill their cat box.

    He’s evil I tells ya, pure evil!

  59. 59.

    Joseph Nobles

    Well, someone on Facebook goaded me and I wrote a pome.

    Poor little Baby Jesus
    He cried and cried and cried
    Poor little Baby Jesus
    He felt so dead inside

    Cuz people used to follow him
    And do the things he’d say
    But now they show their Christian love
    By eating Chick-fil-a

    Obama made me write that.

  64. 64.

    Jebediah

    @Spatula:

    Oh right. You liberals are just so smart and clever, aren’t you? Well, if you’re so smart, why don’t you have any pie? Answer that, libtards!

    You were wrong the other day. The pie filter does exist. I submit that it is you who does not exist.

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