(John Deering via GoComics.com)
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The NYTimes‘ Frank Bruni has bad news for anyone who needs to stay awake while watching the Republican National Convention:
…[T]he lineups of speakers: that’s an issue of the utmost deliberation and sometimes consternation and enormous, epic consequence. All party stalwarts agree on that, until they think about it a bit longer and realize that, well, they’re really not so sure.
On Monday I talked to two prominent Republican strategists in a row who said that Mitt Romney’s choice of keynote speaker, not yet determined, was essential. Then they tried to recall who that essential choice from the 2008 Republican convention was, and came up blank.
I myself had to Google it: Rudy Giuliani. There are some things you really do force yourself to forget.
One of the strategists asserted that Romney’s greatest mistake would be to emulate the Democrats in 2004, when the keynoter, a certain Barack Obama, shone brighter than the nominee, John Kerry, perhaps making him look duller in contrast. The strategist did not admit per se that Romney had a luminescence problem. There are some things you really needn’t say.
He recommended that Romney take a page from the Republican grand master of stagecraft, Ronald Reagan, and select a keynote speaker of restrained wattage.
“Do you know who did the 1980 keynote for Reagan?” he asked.
I said I was mortified that I didn’t. I wasn’t being entirely truthful about the mortification part.
“Guy Vander Jagt,” he said.
“Guy who?”
“Exactly,” he said. “Reagan understood what it meant to be the star, and he had seen ‘All About Eve.’ ” …
Paul Constant, who will be in attendance, glumly contemplates the entertainment prospects:
… This convention looks like it’ll be prime Teabaggy territory, with Rand Paul waving his dad-flag, Rick Scott explaining how Florida is a “model for the country,” Mike Huckabee talking about chicken sandwiches and Jesus, John McCain doing a victory lap, and an inch-thick layer of Santorum all over everything. It should be a conflagration of crazy. But Republicans shouldn’t worry about the future of their party—Jeb Bush’s speech will be no doubt promoted with great faux-surprise by party elders as a bright spot in the convention, and Jeb will be all lined up for the Republican nomination in 2016, just in case Romney doesn’t win this thing in November.
Apart from delighting in the endless GOP FailParade, what’s on the agenda for the evening?
dmsilev
Reading. A ~150 page draft of a PhD thesis landed with a thud in my inbox yesterday, and I have to read/assess/grade the thing by next week.
Joy.
Only have myself to blame I suppose; I did volunteer to do this.
cathyx
It’s clear that the reason he hasn’t made any announcements yet is because it’s very difficult to choose from so many great people.
dmsilev
@cathyx: Certainly. There’s the boring white guy, the other boring white guy, the other other boring white guy, the token minority, the token woman, and the other other other boring white guy.
Did I miss any of them?
Cassandra
Chris Christie.
Jennifer
On the agenda this evening? The TLC premiere of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, about a 6-year-old pageant child from Georgia whose 400 pound mother dopes her up with a mixture of Mountain Dew and Red Bull before she goes on stage at pageants.
Is our children learning? If they’re watching TLC these days, they’re mostly learning about white trash.
Ben Franklin
One of the strategists asserted that Romney’s greatest mistake would be to emulate the Democrats in 2004, when the keynoter, a certain Barack Obama, shone brighter than the nominee, John Kerry, perhaps making him look duller in contrast. The strategist did not admit per se that Romney had a luminescence problem. There are some things you really needn’t say.
Romney shines like a dead mackerel at midnight. Who could top that?
Steve
I thought Chris Christie was the keynote speaker. In fact, I remember hearing that he was basically out of consideration for VP because of that very reason.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
oh, I think Prince Jebbie may be a bit surprised at how few people are willing to bow along his processional to the nominating dais. I think Chris Christie has as much chance of making it to the White House as leftover pizza has as making it to the morning in Christie’s fridge, but he wants it, the Village adores him, and a lot of rich people think that President Cartman snarl is just what they need to beat That Awful Hillary, to say nothing of Santorum, Thune and god knows who else.
RossinDetroit
Im reading about lasers for my new job that starts in a couple of weeks. I’m pretty sure from this that I no basically nothing about lasers and that in 2 months I’ll know a great deal. At age 53 learning a new tech in detail in a short time is very intimidating.
El Tiburon
I’m going for interior Mexican food with a new date.
Perhaps a cosmo and some vino on tap as well.
RossinDetroit
@efgoldman:
Worse. Guy Vander Jagt is a social conservative from the left (right) coast of MI. A real piece of work.
kerFuFFler
““Exactly,” he said. “Reagan understood what it meant to be the star, and he had seen ‘All About Eve.’ ”
As for the convention, it’s going to be a bumpy night….
cathyx
@dmsilev: You forgot the crazy self-hating black republican.
kerFuFFler
““Exactly,” he said. “Reagan understood what it meant to be the star, and he had seen ‘All About Eve.’ ”
As for the convention, it’s going to be a bumpy night….
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Jennifer: Good lord. The learning channel, bravo, A&E. American Movie Classics now shows reruns of CSI Miami, the “history” channel seems entirely devoted to Ice Road Truckers– not knocking it if that’s your thing, but it ain’t history. Remember when cable meant we didn’t need PBS?
dmsilev
@cathyx: Good point.
I believe Alan Keyes is available.
Baud
So Rafalca it is.
cathyx
Since Mitt doesn’t like to have anyone around him who is smarter than he is, that narrows the field quite a bit.
MonkeyBoy
About 20 years ago we had friends with tickets to the Jazz at the Hollywood Bowl series.
The acts were all centered around big names from about 40 years earlier, and generally they sucked because the stars, some in their 80s, had lost their chops and nobody in the band was allowed to outshine the star. Except Dizzy Gillispe’s band – he could still play better than most of the other stars but everybody in his band could play better than him.
Ben Franklin
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
It’s what people want to watch…..ratings, viewership dovetail with Americanus Ignoramus.
RossinDetroit
Joe Lieberman is duller than Mitt. I’ll bet he’d go for it. I’d bet a lot on that prospect.
Davis X. Machina
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: If things aren’t all tickety-boo, or nearly so, by mid 2014, you’ll see uglier — in every way uglier — stuff than Chris Christie running for President.
Huey Long was at top of his parabola 6 years after the 1929 market crash.
Steve
@efgoldman: George W. Bush admitted in public that Muslims are people. In fact, it was right after 9/11. Who would you suggest as a VP candidate that doesn’t have any deviation from orthodoxy on their record?
xian
it’s hilarious watching redstate.com and rush haitian-rentboy-lover limbaugh blow a gasket over the R campaign’s endorsement of obamaloneycare
asiangrrlMN
I read that as “…that Romney had a tumescence problem…”, and now, I must go scour my head with brain bleach. Ugh.
@El Tiburon: Good luck and have fun!
RossinDetroit
@Steve:
There’s that YouTube-famous kid who memorized a right wing rant that his parents coached him through. But for all we know he cheats at marbles.
Ben Franklin
Thank the Gods Obama is not like the sheeple who prefer reality shows
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/08/us/politics/obama-is-an-avid-reader-and-critic-of-news-media-coverage.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper
Privately and publicly, Mr. Obama has articulated what he sees as two overarching problems: coverage that focuses on political winners and losers rather than substance; and a “false balance,” in which two opposing sides are given equal weight regardless of the facts.
Mr. Obama’s assessments overlap with common critiques from academics and journalism pundits, but when coming from a sitting president the appraisal is hardly objective, the experts say.
“I think we’ve learned through history to beware of presidents playing press critic,” said Tom Rosenstiel, director of the Project for Excellence in Journalism. “They’re not press critics — they’re people trying to advance a political agenda.”
A writer before he was a politician, Mr. Obama is a voracious consumer of news, reading newspapers and magazines on his iPad and in print and dipping into blogs and Twitter. He regularly gives aides detailed descriptions of articles that he liked, and he can be thin-skinned about those that he does not.
He typically begins his day upstairs in the White House reading the major newspapers, including his hometown Chicago Tribune and Chicago Sun-Times, mostly on his iPad through apps rather than their Web sites. He also skims articles that aides e-mail to him, with the subject line stating the publication and the headline (like “WSJ: Moody’s Downgrades Banks”).
During the day, Mr. Obama reads newspapers on his iPad and print copies of magazines like The Economist and The New Yorker. On most Air Force One flights, he catches up on the news on his iPad.
cathyx
@RossinDetroit: No, he grew up and is a bit more left-leaning now.
muddy
@efgoldman: And mostly because he’s fat. Many very nice people are fat, including yours truly, but you don’t seem to see them being elected.
And fat *without* jolly? Forget it.
Haydnseek
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: Remember when cable meant narrowcasting with no commercials? Seems hard to believe, but that was how it was hyped in televisions neolithic era.
RossinDetroit
@asiangrrlMN:
I read that this morning and, pedant that I am, inserted the correct term luminosity.
Maybe low albedo is more accurate. Mitt absorbs all energy that reaches him and gives off none.
Old Dan and Little Ann
The unveiling of my very first link attempt. Jim Roddey, the Allegheny County Republican chairman, apologized today for an election night joke in which he quipped that a supporter of President Obama was retarded. I sure hope this works.
edited to note it did not work. Shit. The Pittsburgh Post Gazette article comes up for a split second but then it goes to something else. WTF!
RossinDetroit
@efgoldman:
Surprisingly it kind of did. At the interview I gave them a copy of a magazine with a project that I developed and wrote. That was cool, but the cover had an invention that found and tracked female mosquitos from 100′ away and shot them down with tiny laser blasts. They were dumbfounded, as am I, at that accomplishment.
dmsilev
@RossinDetroit: It’s possible that Mitt Romney is fluorescent. I say we zap him with a laser and find out.
quannlace
Well, what d’ya know? A week or so ago, the Star Ledger, NJ’s paper reported that Christie was gonna be one of the major speakers at the Convention. And now reports are that he’s not on the second list of featured speakers so that could mean he may have the keynote spot? The logic eludes me.
asiangrrlMN
@RossinDetroit: Yeah, I thought the word was wrong, anyway. I just wish my mind hadn’t supplied that particular substitution. Although, according to Ann Romney, my substitution is not that far off.
MOAR BRAIN BLEACH STAT!
@Old Dan and Little Ann: Your link no work. YOU FIX!
Roger Moore
The bit about Vander Jagt is interesting, because his Wikipedia article quotes Reagan as praising him to the moon as a public speaker. If that’s accurate, it shows exactly the opposite of what this moron is trying to claim; Reagan wanted a great speaker at the convention, not a nobody.
The prophet Nostradumbass
@efgoldman: They should just change their name to “H”, which could ambiguously stand for “history” or “horseshit”.
RossinDetroit
@dmsilev:
I wouldn’t risk activating the Mittbot’s defensive mechanisms. He might go all Dalek on us.
Steve
@Roger Moore: Vander Jagt was a nobody by national standards, but the convention was in his home state, and he had a reputation as a good speaker. I don’t really know if Reagan picked him anyway. They barely let Reagan pick his own VP at that convention.
dmsilev
@RossinDetroit: Watching Mitt Romney try and fail to climb a set of stairs would be the comic moment of the century. I say we do it.
jl
@RossinDetroit:
” There’s that YouTube-famous kid who memorized a right wing rant that his parents coached him through. But for all we know he cheats at marbles. ”
Didn’t he go lib? He’s a traitor. He’s out.
maya
One of them fast food christian patriots would work quite nicely for RNC keynote. Especially if they brought the chicken and pizza. What teabagger in his right bermudas wouldn’t cheer that?
Steve
@RossinDetroit: Just to give you an idea of how impossible it is to please the base, one of my wingnutty Michigan friends was complaining on Facebook about how the Republicans nominated a RINO to run against Debbie Stabenow.
As I’m sure you know, the nominee he refers to is Pete Hoekstra. The guy who still thinks we found WMD in Iraq. Not crazy enough for the GOP base!
Geoduck
@Baud:
Nah. Still far too much charisma.
@Old Dan and Little Ann:
Looks like you put in two “https” there.
Roger Moore
@asiangrrlMN:
Well, Ann has said that when you unzip him he isn’t stiff…
RossinDetroit
@Steve:
Deb Stabenow’s been working hard at politics for decades. She spoke to my middle school civics class in 1974. Hoekstra’s a big name and a big bag of wind. He’ll amount to nothing but shattered hopes.
tybee
@RossinDetroit:
yeah, but it can be done. axe me hows i knows.
hang in there. :)
Hill Dweller
@Ben Franklin: If Obama is thin-skinned(doubtful), he does an amazing job hiding it.
Steve
@RossinDetroit: Have you ever heard anyone call Hoekstra a RINO?
Old Dan and Little Ann
@asiangrrlMN: I’ll try again.
asiangrrlMN
@Roger Moore: I was trying to be delicate about it, but that definitely was a gaffe for the ages. ::shudders::
@Old Dan and Little Ann: You did it! And, what a jackhole that guy is.
muddy
@The prophet Nostradumbass: H2 as they call their second channel, has “history” about space aliens most of the time.
RossinDetroit
@Steve:
Well, he’s not chained-to-a-rotary-leash-in-his-own-backyard stark raving mad, so it’s probable that someone thinks he’s not Republican enough.
Brian R.
@jl:
You’re thinking of former CPAC star Johnathan Krohn.
I’m pretty sure the original poster was referencing this future therapy patient.
Roger Moore
@The prophet Nostradumbass:
Does it no longer stand for “Hitler”? That was what it was known for the last time I was paying any attention.
Steve
@RossinDetroit: HE THINKS WE FOUND WMD IN IRAQ!
muddy
@efgoldman: I’m fat enough and selectively jolly, but seriously I think that would do him in above most else. Low info voters that I know, when they hear his name, almost always say, “The fat one?” It’s the only impression he has made.
Are there politicians of his size that I am not thinking of? Huckabee had the surgery and only grew some of it back.
RossinDetroit
@Steve:
Well that’s pretty nutty, but Michele Bachmann is the one to challenge for First Chair in the Wingnut Orchestra.
fraught
Who was Reagan’s VP again? Oh, yeah, Mitt Bush wasn’t it? Someone like that. Tall and waspy, spoke English funny. Spent his summers in new Hampshire. Bland sort of person with a mean wife. Whatwasisname?
Old Dan and Little Ann
@asiangrrlMN: Yup. Thanks. Watch out world!
MikeJ
@Roger Moore:
Perhaps the Republican operative was trying to tell us that Reagan was a moron.
Turgidson
@Hill Dweller:
I think the media is just huffy that they haven’t driven him to lose his cool in public yet (Ed Henry has tried valiantly, but only ended up getting owned). There’s probably a pool going where the jackass “journalist” who asks a question so insulting/stupid that it finally makes Obama lose his temper gets 50 bucks.
Obama probably gets pissed at the non-stop stream of lies and the “both sides do it” bullshit, more than he gets pissed at actual, credible criticism of him.
Yutsano
@asiangrrlMN: Now now hon, be kind. It was his first link attempt. You can’t expect perfection right out of the blocks.
Emma
@Baud: You bas’tid. I need to replace my keyboard.
Ben Franklin
@Turgidson:
heh. There’s probably a pool going where the jackass “journalist” who asks a question so insulting/stupid that it finally makes Obama lose his temper gets 50 bucks.
A horse race called by jackasses….
Walker
@The prophet Nostradumbass:
My favorite was the rebranding of Syfy. They claim it was because Sci Fi could not be trade marked. But Syfy is the plural of the Polish word for crap. Never was a channel named more true.
muddy
I called the doc today, to tell them that the bronchitis they diagnosed by phone and gave me a Zpack for on Monday was not responding. They say rush to the hospital and get a chest x-ray. I do so, and then call the doc office, asking if I was to go over there then? They said no, go home. So I did, got home to find a message saying we really would like to see you because you have pneumonia. I can’t count the number of times they do this shit. I call back, say I’m not driving back up there today, just phone in a different antibiotic. They agree to this, but say if I am not feeling better by tomorrow then I will have to come in. Fine, we’ll see.
At the drugstore, the pharmacist wouldn’t fill out the ‘script, because it interacts badly with one of my conditions, and with 2 of the meds I already take. He calls, this (I call her kindergarden) doc is still supposed to be on call. We wait 20 minutes, the answering service says to call back after that amount of time. He calls again, same thing. Poor dog was guarding the car this whole time, luckily in the shade (he got extra treats). Pharmacist tells me to go home he will deal with them and bring me my ‘script on his way home. I asked how would I pay, he said, Don’t worry about it.
I told him it was no wonder I always voted him for pharmacist of the year! I still feel pretty stabby about kindergarden doc though.
In the meanwhile, I have strapped myself with ace bandages to aid with the pain when coughing, this is a time that a corset would really come in handy. The best part is that I must have picked up the germ when I was at the hospital last week having some tests done, because I didn’t go anywhere else.
I have been surprised at how good my dog Sawyer has been, he was very demanding about going swimming last week, but has not even asked for a walk since Sunday. He keeps smelling my breath and looking worried. He gets frightened by the coughing fits though, and so do I. I went so long without being able to take a breath this afternoon I thought I was done for.
Steeplejack
@Old Dan and Little Ann:
Fixed your link: GOP leader Roddey apologizes for calling Obama supporter “retarded.” Yours has no colon after the
httpprefix.lol
@Ben Franklin:
I love the simple “he’s not objective” dismissal of any criticism. He’s not asking you to go easy on him; he’s asking you to do your fucking jobs.
Comrade Jake
@Ben Franklin:
Katie Couric: What newspapers do you read?
President Obama: All of them.
Old Dan and Little Ann
@Steeplejack: Thanks. I tried it again in #59 and got it right.
asiangrrlMN
@Yutsano: It’s tough love, Yutsy. And, see, he fixed it right up.
@muddy: Ooh, how frustrating for you, muddy. I hope it all gets sorted out and that you’ll be able to breathe properly soon.
@Steeplejack: STEEPMAN! How the fuck are you?
the Conster
@Comrade Jake:
Heh.
Nellcote
@asiangrrlMN:
Didn’t Ann Rmoney already confirm that? Something about he’s not stiff blah, blah, blah.
oh here: “”I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out because he is not.”
asiangrrlMN
@Nellcote: Funny how that gaffe sticks in people’s minds, innit?
Mork from Ork
At this point, I hope that the tax thing calms down to a low simmer for a week only to reignite the week before the Republican National Convention. I’d just love to see the suspense be “will he release them” instead of “who will the VP be”
Steeplejack
@asiangrrlMN:
Hey, girl. Been off the scene for a while. Just got moved into a new apartment last week, with much turmoil, and I’m still getting settled.
Whassup wit’ you?
Roger Moore
@asiangrrlMN:
It’s so Freudian.
the Conster
@Mork from Ork:
Don’t forget that the issue of releasing the VP’s tax returns will come up – and you can be sure that Mitt will demand that the VP not release his either which will be a media shitshow, so he’s got a tightening slip knot around his neck that he put there and can’t take off. Popcorn!
muddy
@asiangrrlMN: Thanks, and it’s good to see you here!
John
Surely Guy Vander Jagt, with a reputation as a terrific public speaker but not really a well-known national politician, is actually a pretty close analogy to, uh, Barack Obama, who gave a great speech but nobody had really heard of before?
bcinaz
think about this: SARAH PALIN is the baseline for judging Romney’s choice. Whoever ends up with the nod will be compared endlessly to an idiot.
TenguPhule
The convention is going to be an open invitation for a Cat 5 Tornado to touch down.
Anne Laurie
@TenguPhule:
Romney keeps dancing on his own dick, and by this time next week the RNC will be franticaly researching the cost of cloud-seeding off Cape Verde.
Too lazy to google for a dead-ish thread, but when Tampa got the convention, they announced that it would be cancelled if an imminent hurricane raised “safety concerns”. Calling the whole clownshow off must look good to the people who have to keep selling the “R” party after January 2013, by now.
R-Jud
@muddy:
AAAAGH, don’t do this. You need to fully expand your lungs as much as possible and exchange the air completely, or the pneumonia will get worse.
I screwed myself over doing this in the past; bronchitis became pneumonia. I tore cartilage on both sides of my ribcage earlier this year thanks to whooping cough; the temptation to strap up was really strong. But I didn’t. Just press really hard on the ribs with your hands when you cough. And ask superpharm for some painkillers, ASAP.
ETA: And get well soon, of course!