Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

The GOP couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

We still have time to mess this up!

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

Second rate reporter says what?

The willow is too close to the house.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

If you are still in the GOP, you are an extremist.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

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Reader Interactions

119Comments

  2. 2.

    Mnemosyne

    I just can’t stop laughing over the realization that this will be the second Republican presidential convention in a row to be threatened by a hurricane. I mean, seriously, what are the odds?

  3. 3.

    Raven

    Well, the wind is blowin’ harder now
    Fifty knots of there abouts,
    There’s white caps on the ocean.
    And I’m watching for water spouts
    It’s time to close the shutters
    It’s time to go inside.
    In a week I’ll be in gay Paris

  4. 4.

    Shrillhouse

    Pat Robertson told me that God sends natural disasters to smite evil-doers.

    We’ll soon know if Pat was right.

  6. 6.

    c u n d gulag

    Normally, I don’t wish anything bad on anyone – but, I might make an exception in this case.

    No.
    Check that!
    Not really.

    I want EVERY second of every loony-tunes speech broadcast on national TV.

    Someone is bound to commit another ‘Akinism,’ or say the “N-word.”

    I’d hate for people to miss those moments because some of the nut’s speeches got cancelled because God has decided to punish them with a hurricane.
    Too many innocent people. Even if Florida.

  7. 7.

    PurpleGirl

    Do you know of shelter to which you could go with all the animals? Do you have storm shutters on your windows and a back-up generator?

    I have friends who moved to Florida some years ago and have made sure they were able to survive storms without too many problems. I hope that there aren’t problems over the next few weeks.

    (I’d love it if the convention got rained on but I feel for the locals more.)

  9. 9.

    Mudge

    Think of all the medical care you can get with those chickens. At least, unlike turkeys, they won’t drown in a puddle.

  10. 10.

    JGabriel

    __
    __
    Betty Cracker @ Top:

    How in the hell is Betty going to find an evacuation shelter that will take … seven chickens?

    Given how quickly Republicans are running from Todd Akins and their own anti-choice rhetoric, maybe no one will notice if you sneak your chickens in wherever the rest of the GOP chickens are sheltering?

    .

  12. 12.

    MattF

    If the wingers de-fund NOAA, then– no more worries. Hurricane prediction can be purchased on the free market. And, even better, due to the benificent operation of the Invisible Hand, you’ll only get optimistic predictions, no more librul doom and gloom.

  13. 13.

    different-church-lady

    You were laughing about the possibility of the Republicans fleeing the convention site in terror?

    Not at all. I was considering the supreme irony of having them all trapped in the hall for a few days just like the poor of New Orleans.

  14. 14.

    Raven

    Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn told CNN’s Early Start Wednesday that “politics will take second place” to public safety if a storm hits the bay area. Asked whether authorities would be prepared to call off the convention’s proceedings if a storm threatened on a particular night, Buckhorn said, “Absolutely we’re prepared to call it off.”

  15. 15.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    I have a close friend who lives on St Croix. Hopefully they won’t get too hammered.

  16. 16.

    piratedan

    well it’s cause and effect you see, the Republicans are causing a massive sucking effect by the mere congregation of soulless folks which is leading to the result of actually drawing the storm towards them. With luck, and the national media with assorted village punditry in attendance, perhaps the almighty will throw us a bone here and turn Isaac into a category 7 and leave few survivors in its wake. Then we’d be on the hook to the good people of Tampa who died due to divine retribution but then again, that’s just what my tax dollars are for.

  17. 17.

    The Dangerman

    Clearly, whatever Forces that control such matters are taking aim at the sinful strip clubs and not the Republican party…

    …though those Forces might consider it a 2 for 1 (3 for 1 is it hits while Mitt or Paul is getting a lap dance).

  22. 22.

    cathyx

    I’m actually envisioning them to be holed up in the arena like the people of New Orleans were without electricity, water or food, and not allowed to leave.

    A girl can dream, can’t she?

  23. 23.

    Interrobang

    If the hurricane hits the convention, am I a bad person for wanting to point and laugh Nelson Muntz style?

  25. 25.

    Mark B.

    Right wingers often cite natural disasters as God’s punishment for something or other. I think that’s just superstition, but if Isaac centerpunches the Republican Convention I might reconsider. However, a hurricane named after a woman might have even worked better. Maybe Joyce will do a quick follow up.

  26. 26.

    Keith

    @Mnemosyne: They increased the odds themselves by scheduling a convention in Florida when they know it has to happen in late August. At least they didn’t pick Key West, I guess.

  27. 27.

    JGabriel

    @Mnemosyne:

    I just can’t stop laughing over the realization that this will be the second Republican presidential convention in a row to be threatened by a hurricane. I mean, seriously, what are the odds?

    As long as the GOP keeps fighting to block global warming prevention measures, then holding their conventions in the hurricane-prone South — during hurricane season — to shore up their race-baiting Southern Strategy, I’d say the odds are pretty high.

    .

  28. 28.

    Zifnab

    I know exactly what y’all are thinking: “How in the hell is Betty going to find an evacuation shelter that will take two dogs and seven chickens?”

    Just go trade in the chickens for health care.

  30. 30.

    Legalize

    While I want a gaggle of old, fat, and stupid Teabaggers to have to huddle in the conventions space like un-real Americans had to do during Katrina, I don’t know if I could take the weeks of fawning media coverage over how brave they all were, and how none of them asked for a government handout the whole time.

    So, if the hurricane just strikes them all dead, I guess we all win.

  31. 31.

    Mnemosyne

    @Zifnab:

    If they do all get trapped in the convention center, can I advise them that they’d better grow gills rather than expect the government to rescue them?

  32. 32.

    General Stuck

    I ran the numbers and predict a cone of hot air provided by he GOP in Tampa will deflect Isaac back out to sea, via epistemic closure rule #69 ocurring when blow hards and gas bags of similar difference, collide willy nilly in nature.

    Your chickens are safe, provided you keep them away from drunk republicans on the prowl for some action.

  33. 33.

    Jeff Spender

    @Mark B.:

    Right wingers often cite natural disasters as God’s punishment for something or other. I think that’s just superstition, but if Isaac centerpunches the Republican Convention I might consider. However, a hurricane named after a woman might have even worked better. Maybe Joyce will do a quick follow up.

    I don’t know. Isaac seems kind of serendipitous. I can think of a few reasons that work for me:

    1) Issac Newton: as a contributor to algebra and calculus, and the laws of motion and other such things, it would be awesome to see a force of nature crush an anti-science conclave.

    2) Isaac Asimov, for the same reasons.

    3) Isaac Hayes, because why not?

  34. 34.

    ? Martin

    Eat the damn chickens. You have 4 days. Tamara should have no problem getting you recipes.

    I’d start with Chicken with 40 cloves. I’d close with Coq au vin, and probably take care of all the other vin in the house while I’m at it.

  36. 36.

    victory

    @Mark B.: Exactly right. If this were the situation for the Democrat convention, all you would hear from the right is, “GOD IS STRIKING DOWN THOSE HEATHENS!!!!”

    But, it’s not. It’s happening to the Republicans….again. They will be spinning this faster than a hurricane.

  40. 40.

    MikeJ

    @cathyx:

    I’m actually envisioning them to be holed up in the arena like the people of New Orleans were without electricity, water or food, and not allowed to leave.

    In my dream a sheriff is on the Sunshine Skyway threatening to shoot the first Republican that sets foot on it.

  42. 42.

    beltane

    Don’t worry, it’s just Mother Nature’s tubes going spasticn at the thought of all that teabagger, rapist of the earth spermatozoa.

  43. 43.

    Jose Padilla

    If the storm goes to the Gulf side (80% chance I’d guess), there’s about a 90% chance they get some real bad weather in Tampa. Either it comes ashore to the sourth, in which case they’re on the dirty side of the storm, or its a direct hit, or they get sidewiped as it goes north.

  44. 44.

    The Dangerman

    If the thing hits Tampa early in the week, do they still try to hold the convention during the clean up? I read someplace that Tampa hasn’t had a big hurricane in ~90 years; it could be a bit of a mess.

  45. 45.

    dmsilev

    Wait a second. Won’t the Invisible Hand of the free market provide? In other words, let the bidding on seats on evac vehicles begin.

  46. 46.

    quannlace

    If you do the Google, there seems to be a lot of information about preparing your chicks for a hurricane.

  49. 49.

    Libby

    Actually, my first thought was about you, your pups, your chickens and few other friends who live in the danger zone. Last I heard though, my weather obsessed tweep is muttering about wind shear and it’s not going to develop into a real hurricane after all.

    So entirely possible massive national snarking creates wind shear and will spare everyone. IOW, carry on. Please.

  50. 50.

    different-church-lady

    @Legalize:

    …I don’t know if I could take the weeks of fawning media coverage over how brave they all were, and how none of them asked for a government handout the whole time.

    Don’t worry, that will never happen: within the first half hour they’d be squealing like pigs for the National Guard and FEMA assistance.

  55. 55.

    danah gaz (fka gaz)

    After consulting with Pat Robertson, I’ve concluded that this is happening because the GOP is full of closet-case homosexuals.

    ETA: Oops, it looks like Wonkette beat me to it. =)

  56. 56.

    MikeJ

    @Jose Padilla:

    If the storm goes to the Gulf side (80% chance I’d guess), there’s about a 90% chance they get some real bad weather in Tampa

    So a 72% chance.

  60. 60.

    JGabriel

    __
    __
    I’m as near atheism as agnosticism gets, and I know there are a lot atheists and fellow agnostics here as well.

    If Isaac does manage to wipe out the GOP leadership and conventioneers in a biblical deluge of divine fury, can we all agree to call it an “Act of God”?

    Just because of how much it’ll piss off the surviving fundies and conservatives?

    .

  62. 62.

    Spaghetti Lee

    @Legalize:

    This WILL happen if there is a hurricane. No doubt about it. I’d rather hear people talking about what Romney wants to do to Medicare and Abortion Rights than how brave he is for riding out a hurricane.

  63. 63.

    scav

    QED. Hurricanes evolved to be attracted to the presence of rich superior men like Romney (and minions).

  65. 65.

    Roger Moore

    @Mark B.:

    I think that’s just superstition, but if Isaac centerpunches the Republican Convention I might reconsider. However, a hurricane named after a woman might have even worked better.

    Just think of it as Newton’s revenge for their anti-science policies and you’ll see how well it works.

  66. 66.

    danimal

    Any chance the stranded conventioneers would be blocked from escape by well-armed sherriffs at the bridge? Those People need to be kept in their place, you know. All they do is loot the public treasury.

  67. 67.

    Felinious Wench

    @MikeJ:

    So a 72% chance.

    They’ll be on the dirty side of the storm where all of the rain is. If you’re in a flood-prone area, it’s a nasty place to be. Houston tends to go underwater during those times.

    Watching the Cone of Uncertainity narrow over the next few days will be interesting. The models are starting to converge nicely.

  68. 68.

    shortstop

    I’m not hoping for loss of human (or any other kind of) life. I’m just praying that some of the most high-ranking Repubs will decide to ride it out in strip clubs with bottles of cheap vodka (that aren’t cheap…because they’re in strip clubs) and we get video that makes the Secret Service Colombian Caper look like a Sunday school service.

  69. 69.

    WaterGirl

    Well, it’s a good thing that they didn’t suspend “concealed carry” during the convention, because all those concealed weapons are going to come in really handy if republicans start to panic because of a hurricane.

    Edit: greedy cowards + guns + natural disaster = not good

  72. 72.

    Roger Moore

    @MikeJ:

    In my dream a sheriff is on the Sunshine Skyway threatening to shoot the first Republican that sets foot on it.

    And in mine, the press spreads crazy rumors about all the drug use, rape, and murder among the convention goers that the whole country buys lock, stock, and barrel. It permanently mars the image of the Republican party even though it’s completely false.

  73. 73.

    gogol's wife

    I’m praying for the doggies and chickens and Betty to be okay. I won’t say what else I’m praying for.

  76. 76.

    jibeaux

    I like the thought of Betty sneaking dogs and chickens into a hotel room. It’s very…Muppets.

  78. 78.

    JGabriel

    __
    __
    Roger Moore:

    And in mine, the press spreads crazy rumors about all the drug use, rape, and murder among the convention goers that the whole country buys lock, stock, and barrel. It permanently mars the image of the Republican party even though it’s completely false.

    They’re Republicans: why would you think such reports would be false?

    .

  79. 79.

    Violet

    @Libby:

    Last I heard though, my weather obsessed tweep is muttering about wind shear and it’s not going to develop into a real hurricane after all.

    That’s a possibility for sure. Also possible is that it goes much further west than forecast right now. Take a look at Hurricane Ike’s track for an idea of one of the scenarios.

  80. 80.

    Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn

    Isaac is just further proof that the weather has a liberal bias.

  81. 81.

    japa21

    @WaterGirl: Beat me to it.

    Of course, although they may want to, they can’t blame this on Obama. Since this is an act of God, blaming it on Obama would indicate Obama had an in with God, which destroys almost everything else they say about him.

    Of course, this is supposed to come in on Monday, a slow convention day and when Biden is supposed to be in Tampa. They’ll probably say God sent Isaac due to Joe’s presence.

  82. 82.

    NCSteve

    Am I the only one who suspects the hurricane-defying strip club runs everyone here knows will happen will peak after the speech of this year’s Sarah Palin’s stand-in angry old white dude fluffer, Nikki Haley?

  83. 83.

    JGabriel

    __
    __
    Spaghetti Lee:

    I’d rather hear people talking about what Romney wants to do to Medicare and Abortion Rights than how brave he is for riding out a hurricane.

    (Frustrated sigh.)

    Damn it. You’re probably right. Romney could drink orange juice all day while cowering on a high Florida balcony watching the little people drown, and the media would call him a hero.

    I guess we should pray for gaffes and sunlight.

    .

  85. 85.

    Rosalita

    well they might have to share the convention center with some of “those” people if shelter is needed…. heh talk about up close and personal with potential voters.

  86. 86.

    cmorenc

    @Shrillhouse:

    Pat Robertson told me that God sends natural disasters to smite evil-doers.

    I’m looking forward breathlessly to an interviewer asking Robertson’s take on the timing and path of will-be Hurricane Isaac vs the GOP Convention, especially if Tampa does indeed take a significant hit from it during the Convention. Such a wonderfully Biblical name for the storm too; what, if any parallel lesson for today might Robertson take from that (since preachers are always looking to gin up parallels from the Bible to contemporary life as fodder for sermons)? Of course, if Isaac fizzles or misses Tampa entirely, doubtless he’ll spin that as a sign of God’s mercy and approval of the GOP.

  87. 87.

    Felinious Wench

    @rdldot: Saw this comment on the Washington Post, and loved it:

    God ordered Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac to test Abraham’s faith and obedience. Just before Abraham was to kill Isaac, God saved him so that one day a hurricane could be named Isaac and be directed at a large meeting of pharisees and hypocrites.

  89. 89.

    Heliopause

    I can hear the news reports now: “Isaac has now passed through Haiti and Cuba and some hundreds of deaths are reported but BREAKING NEWS HURRICANE ISAAC NOW PACKING 120 MPH WINDS AND HEADED STRAIGHT FOR PAUL RYAN’S HAIR!!! WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE HAIR?!?!”

  90. 90.

    PurpleGirl

    Actually unless those upper floor windows have storm shutters, people don’t want to stay up high. If the wind is very strong they could lose windows and be flooded.

  92. 92.

    NotMax

    So what have we got for the one-ring circus in Tampa thus far?

    1) At least $50 million in a federal money grant to Tampa for ‘security.’ At least 60 surveillance cameras to be installed outside. Concealed carry permitted outside, in the land of “stand your ground.”

    2) Forced busing

    3) Enough dark wood to construct multiple boardrooms as pictured in Executive Suite.

    4) A platform that apparently has its dimensions delineated in cubits.

    5) A speakers roster that includes a chump, a grump and a Trump.

    6) A possible hit from a major storm named Isaac. Isaac derives from the ancient Hebrew for “He laughs.” (citation)

  95. 95.

    Brian

    Too funny. I remember when the announced it people were saying, why in the world would you hold a convention in the sweltering heat of Florida in August during the height of hurricane season.

  96. 96.

    Yutsano

    Hey! I’ll have you know my primary concern was over the welfare of y’all including the hens!

  97. 97.

    Bill Arnold

    @c u n d gulag:

    Someone is bound to commit another ‘Akinism,’ or say the “N-word.”

    An evil part of me fantasizes about hacking the teleprompter system.

  98. 98.

    joes527

    Man-oh-man. This one is really gonna throw Grover Norquist for a loop.

    (the fact that these loons find government to be the solution to their delusions is just extra special sauce on top)

  100. 100.

    LanceThruster

    @different-church-lady:

    Not at all. I was considering the supreme irony of having them all trapped in the hall for a few days just like the poor of New Orleans.

    Though, in all fairness, in this case I could see it making sense if armed citizens blocked their access to bridges out of town to keep their neighborhoods from being polluted by the Rethuglican human dreck on the move.

  101. 101.

    LanceThruster

    @Bill Arnold:

    Maybe someone can run a story about their niggardly ways and watch them falling over themselves denying it rather than embracing the depiction.

  102. 102.

    Southern Beale

    Remember when Stuart Shepard of Focus On The Family did a video where he asked if it would be wrong for torrential rains of Biblical proportions to drown out Obama at the 2008 DNC confab? Remember that?

    Hey Stuart Shepard: God is answering you right now.

    Idiot.

  103. 103.

    LanceThruster

    Sure everybody complains about the weather, but nobody ever does anything about it.

    Bus in more Republicans?

  107. 107.

    LanceThruster

    @shortstop:

    I don’t even need a video. I’d just like to see some Jimmy Swaggart faces in tearful, tortured agony confessing —

    “I have sinned against You, my Lord, and I would ask that Your Precious Blood would wash and cleanse every stain until it is in the seas of God’s forgiveness, not to be remembered against me anymore.”[

    Tampa Bay could stand-in for the Sea of Galilee.

  108. 108.

    LanceThruster

    One question, if their/there/they’re Rascals short out in the deluge, can they get government subsidies for repair or replacement?

  110. 110.

    Southern Beale

    Haven’t you heard? Evul Nobama invented a Hurricane machine which is stationed outside of Bill Ayers’ Palace Of Communist Fun in Havana and he flipped the switch to fuck with the RNC!

    Bwaahaa.

  111. 111.

    Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony

    @jibeaux:

    I can totally picture it… Betty (dressed as the Swedish Chef) driving a stationwagon along the evacuation route, singing a song, with the 7 chickens singing along in the backseat while the dogs howl along in the front.

  112. 112.

    feebog

    On a serious note, it is good to see that the track is well South of the Virgin Islands, looks like my peeps in the BVI will get a little rain and some wind, but nothing serious. We ran into one of these last year in the first week of August while sailing around the BVI. Not a big deal unless you get a direct hit, then it is a very big deal.

  114. 114.

    Cermet

    If the storm hits during the convention, can those asswipe thugs all be abandoned in place with no water or food like the poor people of New Orleans were in the astro doom dome?

  115. 115.

    1badbaba3

    I wish a hurricane would make them cancel.

    Aw, man. I was looking forward to the mayhem that a bunch of angry, overheated, gun-toting, fuck-wit Christians will create because Mitt asked Nikki to the prom instead of Sarah.

  117. 117.

    ET

    If Katrina was for many, God’s judgement on the ills of New Orleans what about Isaac’s timing and GOP convention?

    (and such the biblical name – just adds an extra dash of fun)

  119. 119.

    LanceThruster

    I know exactly what y’all are thinking: “How in the hell is Betty going to find an evacuation shelter that will take two dogs and seven chickens?”

    Why not?

    Sue Lowden explained how you can pay your doctor with them.

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