Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

This is dead girl, live boy, a goat, two wetsuits and a dildo territory.  oh, and pink furry handcuffs.

I did not have this on my fuck 2025 bingo card.

The world has changed, and neither one recognizes it.

When we show up, we win.

These days, even the boring Republicans are nuts.

Anne Laurie is a fucking hero in so many ways. ~ Betty Cracker

The fundamental promise of conservatism all over the world is a return to an idealized past that never existed.

Hey hey, RFK, how many kids did you kill today?

Washington Post Catch and Kill, not noticeably better than the Enquirer’s.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

The willow is too close to the house.

“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

Welcome to day five of every-bit-as-bad-as-you-thought-it-would-be.

America is going up in flames. The NYTimes fawns over MAGA celebrities. No longer a real newspaper.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

… gradually, and then suddenly.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

You are here: Home / Elections / Election 2012 / Moron’s Prodigal Moron Son Loses

Moron’s Prodigal Moron Son Loses

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Ben Quayle, who was last heard trying to spin his participation in a drunken, naked dip in the Sea of Galilee as an effort to get baptismal water for his daughter, lost his primary to Dave Schweikert last night. After redistricting, Quayle chose to run in a primary for the safe seat AZ-6 instead of going for the even-money open seat, AZ-9, and he got spanked. Adios, pendejo.

Reader Interactions

82Comments

  1. 1.

    dsc

    let me be the first to add:

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    couldn’t happen to a nicer or more deserving family of morons.

  7. 7.

    WWStBreitbartD

    @Chyron HR:
    You mean the Lefties who caused Tucson and Aurora and the “Teabagger” who shot up the Family Research Counsel (SPLC targeted hate group)?

    Or the Empire State shooting.
    CRAZED SHOOTER: One dead.
    TRUSTWORTHY HIGHLY TRAINED POLICE OFFICERS: One dead, nine wounded.

  8. 8.

    Elizabelle

    I was happy to see that, and knew that Suzanne was high fiving.

    Good riddance.

    Go get a job, Ben Quayle.

  11. 11.

    Lee

    OT:
    This is probably the best thing you will read all day.

    From the article:

    If a morally acceptable American conservatism is ever to extricate itself from a pseudo-scientific inverted Marxist economic theory, it must grasp that order, tradition, and stability are not coterminous with an uncritical worship of the Almighty Dollar, nor with obeisance to the demands of the wealthy. Conservatives need to think about the world they want: do they really desire a social Darwinist dystopia?

  12. 12.

    Judge Crater

    Off topic, but has anyone noticed that full-figure photos and video of Chris Christie are sort of off limits in the media. It’s almost like FDR in his wheel chair. Showing the massive, butt-busting size of Christie is like revealing someone’s missing limb or severe handicap.

    I don’t think it’s political, it’s just the natural human reaction to avert one’s gaze from human frailty.

  16. 16.

    Lavocat

    @Judge Crater: What I love are photos showing match-ups between Christie and normal-girth people like, um, … fucking EVERYBODY!

    Check out the dude’s waistline and how his pants very closely resemble a tent that needs mending.

  18. 18.

    Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (formerly IrishGirl)

    Quayle was definitely a douchenozzle but Scweikert is a stone cold asshole. I live in his district. Lucky me!

  20. 20.

    rlrr


    an effort to get baptismal water for his daughter

    He could have gotten it from just about any faucet in Israel. The sea of Galilee is the source of drinking water for most of the country.

  21. 21.

    Cacti

    I somehow doubt this is the last we’ve seen of young Tater tot here in AZ. He’ll lick his wounds and be back running for something else in a year or two.

  24. 24.

    jibeaux

    It’s just completely depressing that someone could leverage the name “Quayle” into anything anyway, even a failed primary bid. People should just be like, “oh fuck no.”

  27. 27.

    JPL

    @Lee: Sarah’s real Americans I presume. Growing up Catholic, it still is difficult for me to understand why evangelicals blamed the poor for their own circumstances. I’m in my sixties.

  29. 29.

    General Stuck

    Speaking of morons

    —Zoraida Fonalledas, the chairwoman of the Committee on Permanent Organization—took her turn at the main-stage lectern. As she began speaking in her accented English, some in the crowd started shouting “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”

    RNC chairman Reince Priebus quickly stepped up and asked for order and respect for the speaker, suggesting that, yeah, what we had just seen might well have been an ugly outburst of nativism.

    Wolverines!!

  30. 30.

    Lee

    @JPL:

    I know. I was the same way and would not have clicked on it except for part of the quoted text got my attention.

    Another great line is:

    Secession [of the super rich] is a withdrawal into enclaves, an internal immigration, whereby the rich disconnect themselves from the civic life of the nation and from any concern about its well being except as a place to extract loot.

  32. 32.

    Brian R.

    @BudP:

    Will Washington D.C. recover from 2 solid years of having the hell knocked out of it?

    My question exactly.

    Talk angry some more, Ben! All the guys at the squash club say you’re one tough hombre!

  34. 34.

    Joseph Nobles

    REAL heroes don’t need capes.

    Atlas Shrugged II

    10/12/12

    Says the motherfucking web ad informing me that this tripe is one of my choices for my birthday movie.

    Real heroes don’t need capes. They need the peons to let the fuck up and accept how it is!

  35. 35.

    desertflower

    @Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (formerly IrishGirl):

    I live in this district, too…but I was doing the happy dance last night! They’re both rwnj’s, but the difference is that Quayle is an arrogant, entitled, full blown asshole…and Schweikert is an “under the radar” asshole, that at least thought that unemployment benefits needed to be extended. Not Ben! He got HIS money, so FU!I detest them all….and we have a long way to go getting rid of so many morons that plague AZ politics now…but I will relish last night’s loss of this ALEC owned, Norquist pledging,asshole.

  37. 37.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @General Stuck:

    Apparently the Paultards were incensed about something (aren’t they always?) and took it out on this woman who had the audacity to speak with an accent.

    Stay classy, fascist scum.

  38. 38.

    Cassidy

    @Villago Delenda Est: It bugs the shit out of me when Paul and his illiterate followers are referred to as Libertarians. They have absolutely no problem stamping on civil rights as long as it is the state gov’t doing it and Federal.

  40. 40.

    Water balloon

    Good. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to the site he used to contribute to, the dirty, but it’s one of the most hatefully misogynistic sites on the web. Also very vulgar for a supposed Christian. Disgusting.

  41. 41.

    JPL

    @Lee: They must not teach moral fiber in religion classes or prep schools anymore. This is one of the sections I highlighted.

    While there is plenty to criticize the incumbent president for, notably his broadening and deepening of President George W. Bush’s extra-constitutional surveillance state, under President Obama the overall federal tax burden has not been raised, it has been lowered. Approximately half the deficit impact of the stimulus bill was the result of tax-cut provisions. The temporary payroll-tax cut and other miscellaneous tax-cut provisions make up the rest of the cuts we have seen in the last three and a half years. Yet for the president’s heresy of advocating that billionaires who receive the bulk of their income from capital gains should pay taxes at the same rate as the rest of us, Schwarzman said this about Obama: “It’s a war. It’s like when Hitler invaded Poland in 1939.” For a hedge-fund billionaire to defend his extraordinary tax privileges vis-à-vis the rest of the citizenry in such a manner shows an extraordinary capacity to be out-of-touch. He lives in a world apart, psychologically as well as in the flesh.

    I feel so ignorant though because I can’t remember reading about the Acres of Diamonds speech.

  42. 42.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Lee:

    They’re not conservatives. That’s what they call themselves, but they’re actually nihilists.

  43. 43.

    danah gaz (fka gaz)

    @WWStBreitbartD: I was thinking of those lefties that were on trial for murdering two people, and who were involved in a plot to assassinate our Republican president.

    Or that lefty who shot a bunch of brown people in a temple because he thought they were muslims.

    You’re a fucking idiot.

  45. 45.

    Linda Featheringill

    @JPL:

    Growing up Catholic, it still is difficult for me to understand why evangelicals blamed the poor for their own circumstances. I’m in my sixties.

    I was raised among impoverished fundies who operated under the philosophy that you weren’t always responsible for your circumstances but you were responsible for your reaction to those situations. They would have been totally confused by a religion that seems to be based on not giving anything to folks who aren’t able to give back.

    I understand your point of view.

  46. 46.

    JPL

    @Lee: You should send it to John. The odds are slim that he will see it but if he does, he’d enjoy it. The party left him several years back.

  51. 51.

    suzanne

    It’s a bit strange that I’m happy about this, because Schweikert is my congressman, and he SUCKS ABOMINABLY. (And my candidate of choice in the AZ-9 primary just lost, boo.)

    But Ben Quayle is such a fuckin’ douche of epic proportions that I can’t help but be THRILLED.

  55. 55.

    pseudonymous in nc

    I take it that “WWStBreitbartD” is perpetual failure, Breitbart lackey and alleged sister-fucker Morgan Warstler.

  56. 56.

    aimai

    @Judge Crater:

    I agree. I don’t see much regular Media anymore but I was flabbergasted by the size of Christie in the picture TPM put up of him and his wife standing behind the podium. He almost looked like he was a CGI special fatboy effect.

    aimai

  60. 60.

    Suffern ACE

    @suzanne: Simple. You live in an R-Friendly district. Had Quayle won, he would have been practically guaranteed tenure. After three terms, congressmen get a pension. The thought of having to pay a pension to not one, but two Quayles while his father sits at his private equity firm gutting the pensions of everyone else would have been unbearable.

  65. 65.

    EconWatcher

    It was occurring to me that for folks in Europe, Christie would make absolutely the perfect US President. He’s the prototypical ugly American: Fat, boorish, ignorant, and arrogant.

    In that sense, W really fell short. He certainly had the ignorance, arrogance, and boorishness down pat (Angela Merkel is probably still in shock from his frat-boy molestation). But he just didn’t look the part. Too athletic and svelte.

    Yeah, Christie’s the ticket. Let’s go all the way, and confirm what everyone thinks of us anyway.

  66. 66.

    bemused

    @Lee:

    Great piece. I was surprised to read something this frank and outspoken in the American Conservative until I realized it was written by Mike Lofgren. It made me think of this quote by John Kenneth Galbraith,

    “The modern conservative is engaged in one of man’s oldest exercises in moral philosophy: that is the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness”.

  68. 68.

    Felinious Wench

    @bemused:

    I was surprised to read something this frank and outspoken in the American Conservative until I realized it was written by Mike Lofgren.

    It is a great piece. These are the conservaties I miss in this country. I don’t always agree with them (rarely, in fact), but I’d be able to sit down and have a Scotch with them and discuss it rationally.

  69. 69.

    Smiling Mortician

    @bemused:

    I was surprised to read something this frank and outspoken in the American Conservative until I realized it was written by Mike Lofgren.

    What surprised me wasn’t so much the article itself — well, yeah, OK, it did surprise me — but I surfed through a pretty good number of comments, and they weren’t awful. I haven’t really read the American Conservative before: is it normal for reasonable people to comment there?

  70. 70.

    Roger Moore

    @JPL:

    It goes without saying that Christie should not be the one preaching to us about tightening our belts.

    I would say that it goes perfectly with the Republicans’ IGMFY philosophy that Christie would be the one telling us that. Nothing says “do as I say, not as I do” like a wealthy pig telling poor people they need to practice austerity.

  71. 71.

    bemused

    @Felinious Wench:

    They are as rare as a three foot snowfall in Death Valley. I can’t help but wonder if Lofgren has any compatico conservatives he hangs with. If so, I would like to hear from them too.

  73. 73.

    Elizabelle

    @Suffern ACE:

    After three terms, congressmen get a pension.

    That needs to change. They should not get a pension at all. If they want to contribute to some equivalent to the plebes’ 401(k), that’s fine.

    But a pension for 6 years of service by someone who is likely a well-connected and wealthy person before even running for office? Who takes his/her pension and gets big bucks for lobbying for special interests against the public interest.

    Kick ’em off the teat.

    Sorry for Henry Waxman and honest public servants, but this has to stop.

  74. 74.

    Roger Moore

    @Smiling Mortician:

    I haven’t really read the American Conservative before: is it normal for reasonable people to comment there?

    I read a fair amount of Larison’s stuff there- he’s even on the blogroll here at B-J- and it seems to attract mostly thoughtful comments, including ones from Liberals who like to argue his points. Larison is often in touch with the same reality as the rest of us, which probably helps in maintaining a sane tone. He devotes a lot of his columns to puncturing the more ridiculous Conservative claims- it’s not always good news for John McCain on his blog- which I assume is why he’s a favorite among Liberals. That’s not to say he’s sane- he’s a member of the League of the South, for goodness sake- but most of the time he steers clear of his personal craziness.

  75. 75.

    hitchhiker

    True story: I have a family member who once did a stint at the Hudson Institute when it was in Indiana. He was a researcher/writer — usually had projects related to his PhD on Eastern European countries.

    One day he got asked to write what was clearly a high school history paper.

    Turned out it was for Ben, whose dad was using the Help to make sure his kid got through school.

  76. 76.

    jonas

    ….last heard trying to spin his participation in a drunken, naked dip in the Sea of Galilee as an effort to get baptismal water for his daughter…

    That has to be one of the most wonderful things I’ve read in the internets in a long time. Can’t make this shit up, as they say.

  77. 77.

    jharp

    Makes my day.

    Could not happen to a more deserving born on 3rd base and thinks he hit a triple asshole.

  78. 78.

    Svensker

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Apparently the Paultards were incensed about something (aren’t they always?) and took it out on this woman who had the audacity to speak with an accent.Stay classy, fascist scum.

    Not what happened at all. The Repub leaders had just pulled some stunt denying the Paulistas their delegate seats and the Paulistas started booing and hollering. The RNC faithful then started up a chant of USA USA to drown out the Paulistas. No one was interested in the slightest in the Puerto Rican lady, except Rance Preibus (or whatever his name is) who was anxious to get her started talking so that the RNC establishment could move on past the ruckus.

  79. 79.

    karen marie

    @Mark S.: Also, too, her dress looked like the tailor had finished making it seconds before she went on stage and didn’t have a chance to iron the seams.

  81. 81.

    Roy G.

    @quannlace: The one-time boy wonder is the Chairman of Global Investments at Cerberus Holdings, a job creator private equity firm cum Bain style corporate bustout goperation.

  82. 82.

    West of the Rockies (formerly Frank W.)

    Oh, dear, a priviledged, pampered pig isn’t able to glide smoothly into Daddy’s career path… Don’t worry, some think tank or big-money group will give him a fat salary as a consultant or task-less minion.

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