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The snowflake in chief appeared visibly frustrated when questioned by a reporter about egg prices.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

You are either for trump or for democracy. Pick one.

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No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

You passed on an opportunity to be offended? What are you even doing here?

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Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

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Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

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“woke” is the new caravan.

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Jesus watching the most hateful people claiming to be his followers

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This isn’t Democrats spending madly. This is government catching up.

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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Report from the Murder Hotel

Report from the Murder Hotel

by | 72 Comments

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The booze and the tomatoes (all I’ve eaten today is turkey, cheese, and tomato sandwiches) turned out to be more useful than pants (which Cole left hanging in his basement). There are pants purveyors open tomorrow, apparently, but the liquor stores were closed today and are closed tomorrow! A nice gentleman in the room next door told us where we could buy some pants after I gave him a ginormous cup of rum. (Rum is conducive to chit chat. Imagine if I’d given him a ginormous cup of pants? That barely makes sense.)

So we caroused at the Motel 6 for a spell.

Oh, and I met Vent Casey III aka @vcthree on Twitter. He wrote this blog post last year for The Grio. He’s a lovely fellow:

20120903-003953.jpg

And here’s a picture of He Who Shall Not Be Photographed. I keep trying to sneak attack him, but he’s quick to Heil Hitler to avoid a photo:

20120903-003847.jpg

Funny that.

I’ll keep trying. If I don’t get murdered in my sleep at this hotel first.

Cheers!

[cross-posted at ABLC]

Reader Interactions

72Comments

  7. 7.

    EL

    Do we need to add donations for the pants shopping expedition? If we do, I want one of those thermometer gizmos to spur donations!

  8. 8.

    mdblanche

    He’s not heiling Hitler, he’s feeling nostalgia for those left behind, combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead!

  9. 9.

    Citizen_X

    We’re gonna need bigger pants.

    Can Cole get so drunk that he doesn’t give a shit about having his picture taken? I think you need to find out, ABL.

    For anyone else who is at the DNC and is reading this, your mission is: TAKE COLE’S PICTURE. Let’s make this the word’s first involuntary photobombing.

  12. 12.

    Allan

    I guess the fact that a Charlotte motel still had rooms available when you booked should have been the tip-off. Fortunately, you ladies have a pantsless killing machine to stand guard.

  15. 15.

    Nom de Plume

    I have been reading this blog for years, and I think it has all been leading up to this moment. Or more specifically, the next week or so.

  16. 16.

    Joshua Norton

    Fer cripe’s sakes, we all know who Cole is now. Tell him to stop being such a Prima Dona and just smile.

  18. 18.

    Spaghetti Lee

    John, you know that posing like that makes you look MORE RIDICULOUS than if you’d just smiled for the camera?

  19. 19.

    ? Martin

    ABL, use the motel mirrors when photographing. Cole was a lacrosse player and tanker – he can only anticipate direct shots, nothing on an angle. Use his innate weakness to our advantage.

  22. 22.

    TaMara (BHF)

    You know by now I collect photos of Prez Obama, ’cause he’s so cool. I think I’m gonna have to start a JG collection now, too.

    It’s been said before by others, but Angry/Cranky2012 is going to really cut into my productivity this week.

    BTW, posting from my new netbook, ’cause I figure it’s time to get used to the new keyboard…

  23. 23.

    trollhattan

    Say wha?!? One doesn’t become “wanted by the Secret Service” Craigs-Listing razor blades stolen from Target.

    A Stockton man was arrested by Rocklin police Saturday evening after he led officers on a high-speed freeway chase with a child and other passengers in his car. Police said they took Jamal Shaw, 37, into custody after a foot chase at the end of the car pursuit. Shaw had speed away from officers during a traffic stop at Sierra College Boulevard in Rocklin, then abandoned his car with a flat tire in the Kaiser Permanente parking lot.
    __
    Officers found several passengers in the abandoned vehicle, including a 3-year-old child.
    __
    Police said Shaw was wanted by the Secret Service. He was booked on a felony federal warrant, felony child endangerment, resisting arrest and evading police.

    http://blogs.sacbee.com/crime/archives/2012/09/rocklin-police-arrest-man-wanted-by-the-secret-service.html

  26. 26.

    Jewish Steel

    We can use that heil hitler pic to deep six Cole’s future political aspirations if he turns his back on us, the commenters, his original constituency.

    Caption: Cranky W Virginian logs on to stormfront.

  27. 27.

    vhh

    The scrumptiously smiling ABL and Heather are gonna attract a lot of admirers amongst the DNC delegates. The cranky guy is going to have to fend em off with a baseball bat.

  29. 29.

    CaliCat

    ABL and Cole, this is awesome. I’m looking forward to each of your DNC Convention posts with great enthusiasm. I’ve been following this blog for a few years now and it’s really fun to see you two on your adventure. I can’t make it to Charlotte myself so I really appreciate the chance to tag along with you via the internets. Rock on!

  30. 30.

    murakami

    Caption: Cranky W Virginian logs on to stormfront.

    That’s hilarious.

    Made me imagine a near-future Stormfront which uses facial / speech recognition software and won’t let you log in unless the camera detects the user saying “heil hitler” and doing the Nazi salute vigorously.

  31. 31.

    slag

    @freelancer: It has already broken my BJ RSS feed. I’m too lazy to go back through all the posts I’ve missed as a result, so I’ll ask here: are other people having problems with the RSS feed, or am I just lucky?

  33. 33.

    mai naem

    When I read in the last post that you didn’t have pants in the suitcase,I took it that you had brought only shorts, no pants. Just,FYI, sometimes Walgreens have crappy cheap ass pants for sale. Better than showing up nekid.

  35. 35.

    Louise

    @Nom de Plume: I have been reading this blog for years, and I think it has all been leading up to this moment. Or more specifically, the next week or so.

    This.

    Also, I’m ready to replace CWG with “Pantsless Killing Machine” anytime. (Thanks, Allan!)

  36. 36.

    Shinobi

    This road trip live blog totally wins the internet. I think the only way it could be more awesome would be if you’d taken Tunch with you.

  39. 39.

    Violet

    This week is going to be amazing! Thanks so much for all the pictures. You know, we’ve seen more pictures of Cole in the last 24 hours than we’ve seen before in the entire existence of this blog. Excellent.

    My favorite part of that Cole picture is his mouth gaping open like a fish. Is he talking to the computer? Imitating Tunch? Hoping someone shows up with some whiskey? Inquiring minds want to know.

  41. 41.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @JCJ:

    The thing is, they were petrified, they were not killed. If a basilisk looks at you directly, you’re dead, no way to come back. If you’re petrified, that can be dealt with through magical means.

  42. 42.

    Chuck Butcher

    Huh, I thought the caption would be FYWP followed by a shot of various computing pieces scattered around the motel desk. Hiding like that is kinda like putting your hands over your eyes and saying you can’t see me now.

  44. 44.

    Arclite

    Okay, seriously ABL, you are gorgeous. You probably have a dozen boyfriends. Why are you so angry if you’re gettin some all the time?

  45. 45.

    Anne Laurie

    @Violet:

    My favorite part of that Cole picture is his mouth gaping open like a fish. Is he talking to the computer?

    Probably telling the photo-taker to knock it off, already. But this is also high pollen season on the right-hand coast, so a lot of us are breathing through our mouths because our sinuses are swollen shut.

  47. 47.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @ABL: When you wake up, remember that a video camera takes 30 pix a second and just leave one running for a few minutes.

    FFS, Cole, people paid to send you there and you’re still trolling with the no pix thing. And now the nutosphere has a fake nazi salute photo to ‘shop.

  49. 49.

    Ash Can

    Imagine if I’d given him a ginormous cup of pants?

    He’d probably have told you where you could buy some rum the next day. And maybe a whole lot more besides that, depending on whose pants you gave him.

  50. 50.

    RedKitten

    Seriously, Cole. You want to raise money for charities/causes? Auction off an annual road trip with you and ABL. Hell, I’d pay money for a chance at that.

  51. 51.

    Nutella

    Maybe Cole didn’t want to be in a crazy-eyes picture. Look at the eyes in the picture of ABL and friend: crazy!

  55. 55.

    metricpenny

    Good to hear Crangry made it safely to Charlotte. Have a ball ABL and John.

    Back to my Chicago vacation.

  61. 61.

    AndoChronic

    Your dynamics are too funny. Despite John’s aversion to photography, I would totally watch a cable TV talk show with you two on it. P.S. Forget the pants, just let John wear one of those itchy hotel blankets. “Ole Cranky Blanket Cole”. Don’t try to dangle him over the hotel balcony though…

  62. 62.

    replicnt6

    Y’all understand: every time Cole’s face gets posted on the internets is another opportunity for Larry Craig to recognize his face.

  66. 66.

    Patricia Kayden

    I understand John’s aversion to being photographed — don’t really like it that much except for special occasions when you have no choice (weddings, graduations, etc.), but come on now.

    One smiling photo will not kill you! We expect at least one at the actual DNC. No, we demand at least one at the DNC.

  67. 67.

    joel hanes

    I have a novel suggestion: why not accede to Cole’s repeatedly-stated wish, and quit taking pictures of him?

    I’d be cranky too, if someone made a game of doing something I’d sincerely asked them not to do.

    I suppose that’s why Cole and I are both single.

  68. 68.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    @Quicksand:

    This blog has taken an odd turn.

    Odd? As in out of the ordinary?

    Since this is a blog started by a right-wing Republican who spent its first years promoting George W Bush’s reelection and calling John Kerry a French wimp whose owner then slowly drifted in entirely the opposite political direction, documented in wonderful detail filling his house with adopted pets, tripping over everything within a 200 yard radius of his bed including the sidewalk and the pets, and whose guest bloggers have included Democrats, Libertarians, and a man pretending to be a 90-year-old woman, I would love to hear what ordinary you think this is a turn away from.

    This place has always been a complete nuthouse. God knows that’s what I like about it.

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