Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

The republican caucus is already covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Not all heroes wear capes.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

White supremacy is terrorism.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

People are complicated. Love is not.

You are here: Home / Past Elections / Election 2012 / Convention Update

Convention Update

by | 169 Comments

This post is in: 

First things first:

1.) The things I do for you people. I took time out of my busy day and drove to the damned mall and bought some solid colored shirts so you all would STFU and leave my clothing alone. I also picked up some pants, got a hair cut and a massage.

I don’t know how the rest of you single middle-aged guys shop, but I have an annual routine in the spring. I go to the Highlands in Triadelphia, go to Cabelas, walk in, and say “Where are your clothes for fat men?” I then go buy several pairs of cargo shorts. I leave, walk to Target, and I buy several packs of ankle socks and boxer shorts. I walk next door to JCP, buy a couple shirts. And like that, I am done shopping until it starts to snow.

I really do not care about clothes. In fact, I am trying to think of things I am less interested in than clothing. Gay porn. Diet tips from Chris Christie. That’s about it. But, in order to bring peace and harmony to the blog comments and to avoid one of you maniacs driving to my house and having a clothing intervention, I went out and bought some new stuff so you would leave me alone.

2.) The OFA blogger briefing was great. The wonderful and spectacular Erica Sackin from OFA (who guided me through the process of getting credentials this late in the game was there) and Brent Colburn, the Communications Director for the campaign, were both there, and they outlined their strategy for the convention. Basically, the main theme of the discussion was to highlight the differences between the two campaigns. Team Romney tried to reinvent Romney while tearing down Obama, while the Obama campaign intends to have a more positive and forward looking message. There was a lot more said than that, including how many more bloggers there are here and how much more organized the blogger outreach is than in 2008, and how they also use the convention as a networking option to coordinate volunteers for the ground game. It was informative, and there will be another one tomorrow. The bonus was meeting Roxanne Cooper from the Raw Story, and hopefully we will hook up and have lunch/dinner/drinks before this shindig is over.

3.) This Week in Blackness was really good, and I hope you all check it out at some time.

4.) ABL is currently running around with L. Joy from TWIB, and I have been asked (ORDERED) to bring a phone charger back to the convention center, and we will be hooking up for drinks and then going to go see the speakers. I’m totally stoked to see FLOTUS, and, as I mentioned earlier, even got my hair cut so this hillbilly would look respectable in her presence.

5.) My credentials give me really good access to the site, and basically I am allowed everywhere but the floor. I doubt I will be blogging during the actual event, but I will be tweeting pictures and have a write-up either tonight or tomorrow. Don’t forget that you can stream the entire convention, and really get a lot more access that way to all the speakers than you can through the traditional media. You can find the stream here, but I will also embed it so you can watch here if you so choose:

6.) Now that I think about it, the write-up will probably be tomorrow, because we are going to a Wonkette house party. Going to try to get ABL to do some keg stands.

Reader Interactions

169Comments

  1. 1.

    jl

    Thanks for update.

    Get a pic with or a quote from Michelle, the greatest FLOTUS EVAH, and all is forgiven, for EVAH!

    For srsly reals.

  2. 2.

    Tsukune

    But without the horizontal stripes and the shorts, you might not look like the fat kid from the Far Side cartoons…

  3. 3.

    Patricia Kayden

    But you keep hiding your face for the photos so all we’re going to see is nice clothes and no face. Not good enough.

    Enjoy FLOTUS’ speech. Hopefully, she won’t end it with “I love you women” or something bizarre like that.

  4. 4.

    gogol's wife

    Nice clothes. This is great, to get your impressions of what’s going on, since I’m too nervous to watch it on TV.

  5. 5.

    kdaug

    Ohhh, wear the purple pony one!

    After a couple dozen scotches, there will be a story to tell.

    Note: it might not be a very good story.

    But you’ll still have your purple pony, JayGee!

    Now give us some damn pictures.

  6. 6.

    Schlemizel

    Sounds like we could almost go shopping together. I do Kohls not Cabelas (much cheaper) and since the cancer I don’t have to buy the ‘X’s’. But overall I can’t get too excited about cloths. Are my naughty bits covered? Then I’m good to go.

  8. 8.

    gogol's wife

    @Patricia Kayden:

    Isn’t it just impossible to imagine her saying anything stupid like that? Simply impossible. The IQ (and tact) differential between the Democrat ticket and the Republican ticket is staggering.

    ETA: I mean DemocratIC!

  9. 9.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    Is it really a good idea to run the convention stream here at Balloon Juice? I can see the eccentric BJ server getting more eccentric. Way more eccentric.

  14. 14.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    I think Marshall’s is the best place on earth to get men’s clothes. If you make it a point to go regularly you can find everything you need. I get all my dress pants, shorts, sport shirts, socks, underwear. I still get my jeans at the Gap, because I’m white.

    In Chicago I will go to the Marshalls near Clark and Belmont, then head north and hit the Marshalls at Clark and Howard before going further north and visiting the Marshalls on Main, east of McCormick.

    I love Marshalls and I’m not ashamed to say it out loud.

  15. 15.

    scav

    Now that I think about it, I;m pretty sure you asked about sheets once but had to be forced into shirts now. Interesting inversion. I manage to be equally bored with both. I think our game of Where’s Waldo just got a little more difficult though.

  16. 16.

    gogol's wife

    @J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford:

    I just had a visitor (female) from Moscow, and she wanted to go to Marshall’s every day. But unfortunately, my husband can’t find anything there that suits him. I have to do catalogues for him.

  19. 19.

    askew

    Very nice choices in shirts. Thumbs up from me.

    For your report tomorrow, I’d love if you could include the crowd reception to O’Malley. He’s supposed to be one of the frontrunners for the 2016 nod and he’ll need the people on the floor working for him if he stands a chance of beating Hillary.

  20. 20.

    Comrade Mary

    John Cole, you are adorable. You are so goddamned adorable that I won’t even ask you if you would be interested in gay porn tips from Chris Christie.

  22. 22.

    JPL

    For the last decade I volunteered at NFCC (north fulton community charities) and they have a clothes closet. My personal closet is filled.

  25. 25.

    Linnaeus

    I do a fair amount of my shopping through Lands’ End. I supplement that with JC Penney and Eddie Bauer.

  26. 26.

    Citizen_X

    we are going to a Wonkette house party.

    Jehoshaphat. Will this awesomely epic, or epically awesome? Views differ.

  29. 29.

    Schlemizel

    @J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford: Marshalls is good but its hit-or-miss. Particularly in the urban store I shop at. Being an old white guy I’m not down with the hood and look even more ridiculous in baggy shorts & Ed whats-his-face shirts

  30. 30.

    schrodinger's cat

    Where are the pants, I don’t see no pants. Shirts looks good, thank God Tunch no horizontal stripes. What shoes will you be wearing, no crocs or sandals plz.

  33. 33.

    JPL

    John, You do look good in blue. I’m glad you decided to do some shopping now that you are in the big city.

  34. 34.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    @Schlemizel:

    I get a lot of Calvin Klein and Perry Ellis stuff at the Marshalls I go to. I have 5 or 6 pairs of Perry Ellis dress slacks that I haven’t even won yet but they were so nice and so cheap ($20 a pair) that my wife wouldn’t let me go without them.

  35. 35.

    Trinity

    I vote for the blue one.

    And if you don’t provide pics of ABL doing keg stands I will cry.

    kthnxbai!

  37. 37.

    TaMara (BHF)

    Ok, I’m not buying the whole, “to shut you people up” at all. I think you realized you were going to be in the presence of FLOTUS and decided you needed to up your game. Otherwise, why would she throw over that cool cat Barack for you?

    xo

  38. 38.

    Spaghetti Lee

    Feh to clothes. I just wear ’em to keep from getting arrested for public indecency. “Dressing up” for me is anything with a collar. I’m with you all the way, John.

  39. 39.

    Violet

    Thanks for the write up, John. Looking forward to your write up tonight/tomorrow and any in-convention tweets.

    The bonus was meeting Roxanne Cooper from the Raw Story, and hopefully we will hook up

    And ruin the ABLCranky love story? Noooo!

  41. 41.

    schrodinger's cat

    @J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford: Marshall’s is hit and miss, for me for shirts and blouses but for pants and jeans I always have to pay full price, since I am petite, with a tiny waist put not so tiny behind, it is always hard to find pants that fit properly.

  42. 42.

    Quicksand

    @khead:

    I don’t see any pants.

    This, but louder and with many more exclamation points, is what the delegates will be screaming.

  43. 43.

    Tony J

    @Anya:

    Just remember fourty is the new thirty.

    Music to my ears, since I turn the big four-oh in, let’s see, two hours and twenty minutes.

  44. 44.

    Violet

    John: Would be interested in hearing your impression of Julian Castro. He’s supposed to be an up-an-comer in the party. Would be interested to hear what those who are there think.

  45. 45.

    kindness

    OK John now it is YOUR responsibility to bring the traditional Balloon Juice MoJo to the convention. And by that I mean you should need to have to call a Bail Bondsperson before the morning light.

    Make us proud.

  47. 47.

    Librarian

    As I said earlier, I hassled you about clothes because you never know when you will need to dress slightly better than your standard everyday clothes. Like if you had a chance to, I don’t know, hook up and have lunch/dinner/drinks with some chick. You never know.

  49. 49.

    Poopyman

    1.) The things I do for you people.

    Not buying it.

    The bonus was meeting Roxanne Cooper from the Raw Story, and hopefully we will hook up and have lunch/dinner/drinks before this shindig is over.

    Now that I can buy.

    Also too:

    My credentials give me really good access to the site, and basically I am allowed everywhere but the floor.

  50. 50.

    kdaug

    If I were an honest man, I’d admit that 2/3rds of my wardrobe is schwag. The “pew-pew”, button-mashing kind. It’s regalia in certain circles.

    Other circles, not so much.

    The rest of my wardrobe came from my wife, mother, and sisters. Lots of ill-fitting, button-down crap – belts, ties, hard shoes, linen yak-jackets. Most of it really dusty. Something to do with Christmas pictures.

  51. 51.

    flukebucket

    @Anatoliĭ Lъudьvigovich Bzyp (formerly Horrendo Slapp, Jimperson Zibb, Duncan Dönitz, Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy, Mumphrey, et al.):

    Ain’t that the damn truth. If you think you are middle aged at 40 just wait until you are 55. All of the leaves are off the trees and the clouds are rolling in.

    And then you find out that Vulture / Voucher 2012 wants to give you a coupon good for one months insurance premium when you turn 65.

    Bastards.

  53. 53.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    @Cole:

    Shopping for clothes once a year is fine. Just don’t buy awful stuff. Today’s haul is great.

  59. 59.

    Kris

    I love your travel posts Cole, but I’ve got to press you to think about fashion more.

    Thinking about clothes should be fun and meaningful in the same way that thinking about cooking is fun and meaningful.

    There are few truly joyful things for humans. 1. Eating and cooking and drinking. 2. Making and listening to music. 3. Thinking about the world. 4. Making crafts and art and living with them. 5. Sex. 6. Friends and family. 7. Exercise and sport. 8. Games 9. Understanding your self. 10. Selecting, making, and enjoying clothes and how you present yourself to the world (beard, hair, makeup, watch, piercing, tattoos, etc.)

    That’s it. That’s life and everything in it. (Maybe I missed something. Whatever.)

    You’re cutting yourself off from like one tenth (hyperbole? maybe not) of everything that is good in life by not thinking about clothes. Seriously, I feel the same about people who don’t like cooking their own meals (at least sometimes).

    And don’t give excuses. Clothes are available in all price ranges and for all sizes.

    And remember, you can get a tailor to make a couple of really nice custom made suits or pants or jackets and wear the shit out of them. IMO, that’s a more practical (and more ethical: you’r paying a local artist/tailor) use of money than buying lots of cheap, poor fitting clothes made by slave-like labor somewhere else. And the right tailor knows how to make a big man look as good as he should. Seriously, big dudes should look bigger and better and awesomer than the little creatures scurrying about.

    Something to think about, something new to enjoy.

  62. 62.

    qwerty42

    6. Now that I think about it, the write-up will probably be tomorrow, because we are going to a Wonkette house party. Going to try to get ABL to do some keg stands.
    Cripes. Enjoy yourself. Best to you, ABL and the Wonkette group.
    “Wonkette house party” ???? I think they are holed up in a house in the greater Charlotte-Mecklenburg area.

  63. 63.

    Ronzoni Rigatoni

    OMG! He forgot the pants again? When I was living onna beach (Ft. Myers) the uniform of the day was T-shirt (with pockets. Ciggies, y’know), shorts & flip-flops, sandals, zoris (whatever). Formal wear (weddings, funerals, etc.) was a T-shirt with collar.

  65. 65.

    geg6

    @flukebucket:

    As a fellow over-50 (born 1958, one year after the cutoff for keeping the Medicare I’ve paid into since I was 14), I heartily endorse your comment.

  66. 66.

    Violet

    @geg6: The Ross near my house is utter crap. I’ve been in a couple times since it opened several years ago. The clothing is very cheaply made and the store is thinly stocked. They don’t hire enough people so the clothes are all over the floor because most of the clientele is young immigrant families who have their many kids with them and the one mom can’t manage the three + kids by herself, so they’re terrorizing the store. And if you do want to buy something the line at the checkout counter is a minimum of 20 minutes.

    I’ve been to other Ross stores that seem to be fine so I think it’s just the one near me. They really need to hire more people.

  67. 67.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    What John wrote:

    (See entire post above)

    What BJ people will see reading it:

    Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah blah we will be hooking up blah blah, blah blah blah blah.

  68. 68.

    Carnacki

    1. Glad you got credentials worked out. I tried to hook you up. Don’t forget the people from WV you’re supposed to meet.
    2. Why do you have to share all the secrets of middleaged fat white men? We lose our allure when you give away all of our mysterious ways.
    3. This post reminds me I need to buy new underwear and socks.

  71. 71.

    Dennis SGMM

    @flukebucket:
    I am in my mid-sixties and undeniably an Old Guy. I like being an Old Guy. I like it because I don’t have to pretend to be pretty anymore and I sure as hell don’t need dick pills because no one this side of the most desperate Olongapo City hooker is going to come within the length of a barge pole of my dick.

    My doctor is a very earnest, committed, young man who has made it business to keep me alive despite my lack of interest in the project. He asks me how I’m feeling and then he prescribes pills to make me feel better. It is a game we play.

    Good times.

  72. 72.

    geg6

    @Violet:

    It must be yours, sadly. I buy lots of my work clothes there. Anne Klein, Calvin Klein, Anne Taylor, Anne Taylor Loft, BCBG, Max Edition…lots of good stuff. And the shoes!! In fact, I currently have on a pair of patent leather Calvin Klein ballerina flats that I got there for $9. I have never paid more than $24 for anything there. In fact, it’s usually significantly less than that…commonly $8-12.

  77. 77.

    schrodinger's cat

    @geg6: I got some really cute red patent leather peep toe pumps for $20 at the Ross’s near my old place. Marshall’s seem overpriced compared to that.

  78. 78.

    LanceThruster

    If I had free time I wouldn’t mind “browsing” for clothing, but instead I shop like I’ll be away from civilization for a year (try on a few things to confirm my ‘new’ size and then throw a bunch of stuff in the cart to try on at home – return what didn’t make the cut – otherwise I’ll pass out from hunger or heat in the fitting rooms).

    Wear the same stuff in rotation till it wears out or I have a special event.

    When it’s time to wear suits, I always struggle to locate all the required accessories.

  82. 82.

    eemom

    Have I mentioned I’m 50 now? No one under 100 is allowed to refer to themselves as middle aged in my presence. kthxbai.

    p.s. Wear the purple. You will look like a nice juicy grape.

  85. 85.

    trollhattan

    Cole makes North Carolina almost seem like visiting. Almost. The summer thing is so many extra demerits I canna count them all.

    Dude clothes shopping is a PITA, period. At least clothes for anything not associated with sports or the outdoors. For the “real” world I generally go to Nordi’s Rack once/year, at the most. Last trip there I ran across tables of jeans and because my jeans are all ancient I decided to try some. Hey, they even have Levis!

    Take three pairs into the fitting room and my clue should have been the 6′ runway model who checked me in. I. Could. Not. Get. A. Single. Pair. Past. My. Thighs. Fucking skinny jeans, all, and how anybody who’s not a Somali refugee might fit them is beyond me. And no, I’m neither fat nor big-boned in that Cartman way.

    Left there with two new Hawaiian shirts and some cotton dress socks. If I can’t have work clothes I can at least have summer BBQ and winery clothes.

  88. 88.

    bemused

    Congrats on the new shirts.

    Who decided that horizontal stripes in clothing was a good idea in the first place? I don’t care what size one is, horizontal stripes are deadly on 99% of the population and I’m not so sure even 1% could look good.

  90. 90.

    KG

    I’m terrible about clothes shopping for myself. As in I rely on my mom, sister, cousin, and female best friend to get me clothes 85% of the time. It’s not that I have terrible fashion sense, I usually do ok that 15% of the time, it’s just that I am quite alright going tshirt and jeans all day every day, and sporting a suit on court days

  91. 91.

    Temporarily Max McGee (Soon Enought To Be Andy K Again)

    I really miss Steve & Barry’s. They carried t-shirts- cheap yet well made t-shirts- for every occasion, be it watching a college football game, watching a college basketball game, watching a college baseball game, watching a college lacrosse game, watching a college hockey game or the trip to ComicCon.

  92. 92.

    Schlemizel

    @J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford: I learned from a gig I did for the Boutique Tar-shay that stores have various levels of outlets. Stores in one category will get different items from stores in another. I assume Marshalls is the same & my urban store gets the Hardy stuff while a more suburban one get more Ralph.

  93. 93.

    ThatLeftTurnInABQ

    @scav:

    Now that I think about it, I;m pretty sure you asked about sheets once but had to be forced into shirts now.

    __
    Please try to keep up folks. The dress code was sheets for the GOP convention in Tampa. This is the Democratic convention. We don’t do sheets. If everybody around you is wearing sheets, you aren’t at the DNC, you’re somewhere else, and yes, everybody else already knows that the big wooden cross is on fire so don’t even bother trying to call the fire dept.

  95. 95.

    LanceThruster

    @bemused:

    Except in wiiide stripe OP-style t-shirts (a la the Beach Boys).

    There’s a HS yearbook photo of me in a red and white striped rugby shirt and I swear I looked like “Where’s Waldo” w/o the dumb hat.

  96. 96.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @eemom: Crap. The nearest one to me was in Chicago. I used to go to a combo Filene’s/DSW in Columbus when I lived there. I am getting the impression that I may be more of a clothes horse than most of the guys on this blog. But then again, who isn’t?

  97. 97.

    SBJules

    @qwerty42: I am not surprised that Wonkette & Balloon Juice are hanging around together. I came home early from work to see the FLOTUS speak.

  98. 98.

    MikeJ

    The convention chairman was just introduced. His walk on music? Bizarre Love Triangle.

    Didn’t somebody read the title of the song? I have this nightmare of, hearing “Ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama!” while Orgasm Addict plays.

  99. 99.

    22over7

    @Bill E Pilgrim:

    A “shipper” is someone who roots for a couple (usually fictional) that is not yet hooked up, to hook up.

    I spent seven long years waiting for Josh and Donna.

  100. 100.

    schrodinger's cat

    @bemused: Actually horizontal stripes can look good if they are not huge and spaced closer together. Almost like a solid with some dimension.

  101. 101.

    sylvan

    I don’t know how the rest of you single middle-aged guys shop

    1)Hand $1500 to a woman.
    2)She evaluates you based on complexion and body type.
    3)Stand still until told to move. Keep your mouth shut and eyes down.
    4)Leave 12 hours later with a complete wardrobe for the next 2 years.
    5)Repeat 1-4 every two years.

  102. 102.

    Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (formerly IrishGirl)

    @Bill E Pilgrim: Relationshippers…..people who root for the two main characters of a story to get into a romantic relationship with each other instead of just letting the sexual tension between the two characters go unresolved. For an example, see every television drama ever made and most of the comedies too. In Sorkin’s latest, Newsroom, anyone wanting to Will and Mackenzie and/or Maggie and John get together would be called “shippers”.

  106. 106.

    Comrade Mary

    That is not a purple shirt. It isn’t even indigo. It is royal blue.

    I have spoken. If you disagree, I sneer at the gamma settings on your paltry, inferior monitors.

  107. 107.

    bemused

    @LanceThruster:

    I don’t have anything against striped rugby shirts as long as you’re on a rugby team.

    Didn’t the Beach Boy shirts have vertical stripes?

    Vertical vs horizontal stripes….BIG difference. If the Twiggy had worn horizontal stripes in the 60’s even she would have looked a little pudgy.

    Don’t get me started on thong swim suits.

  108. 108.

    gnomedad

    But, in order to bring peace and harmony to the blog comments and to avoid one of you maniacs driving to my house and having a clothing intervention, I went out and bought some new stuff so you would leave me alone.

    For heaven’s sake, John, we’re toddlers. Stop fussing and we’ll (eventually) leave you alone.

  109. 109.

    LanceThruster

    You could also pull off some galabiyyas or thobes.

    Nice for getting a secondary inspection from security (cheaper than a massage, no?)

    They look comfortable as hell. I could probably wear one to work, but we have some genuine Middle Easterners and they might possibly feel I’m disrespecting them unfortunately.

  113. 113.

    Ann Rynd

    Can we have a whole thread on gay porn?
    And we should all thank John for letting us see his picture, something he’s been reluctant to do until now. That took nerve and lots of it. And I think the pants thing is getting somewhat creaky.

  114. 114.

    Amir Khalid

    Is this a fashion-blogging first for Balloon Juice? 5f anything, I’m even more reluctant about buying clothes than John cole. I’m still getting by on the freebie polo shirts and T-shirts I got over my career in journalism. They say IBM and Panasonic and intel and such-like so I cover them with a ratty old nylon windbreaker. My favorite pair of jeans is 17 years old (Levi’s 505s, my fave style, purchased in San Diego while on assignment for almost nothing compared to what Levi’s charged in Malaysia even then). My shirts are similarly ancient but still presentable, honest.

  116. 116.

    trollhattan

    @bemused:
    Am pretty sure it was the Osmonds who had vertical stripes. ’60s surfer dude shirts were definitely horizontal and wide-striped, probably directly lifted from rugby.

  117. 117.

    LanceThruster

    @bemused:

    On the button down shirts yes, but the T’s started with thick horizontal stripes that kept getting skinnier till by the mid 70’s they were a combinition of skinny stripes (lines actually) that had also lost their uniform width/spacing.

    Couldn’t find anything with the Beach Boys in them (only the vert stripe like you said – maybe it was a Frankie and Annette movie).
    but here’s the look I was talking about.

    http://www.selectism.com/2010/03/02/levis-vintage-1960s-striped-t-shirt/

  118. 118.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @geg6:

    I used to find terrific clothes and even better buys at Syms. Unfortunately they went tits up late last year. The Ross stores near me are mixed. I’ve found some good pieces there occasionally, but it takes a long time to sort through all the crap on the chance of finding something I’d actually wear.

  120. 120.

    bemused

    @LanceThruster:

    Yes, it was the button down striped shirts in Beach Boys early days I was thinking of.

    Not a fan of wide stripes vertical or horizontal although I have a vague memory of wearing a wide stripe shirt when I was a kid.

  121. 121.

    schrodinger's cat

    @Omnes Omnibus: I wonder why that is the case, though. I mean it takes about the same time to put on clothes that fit and make you look good as it does to wear those that do not.

  122. 122.

    dance around in your bones

    John Cole, you sound like you dress like a typical Southern Californian.

    All the guys look like toddlers here.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  123. 123.

    LanceThruster

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    You got right about Ross’s. I gave up trying to find a specific item of apparel, and instead just go fishing. Have come up with some cool stuff that way.

  124. 124.

    ? Martin

    I don’t know how the rest of you single middle-aged guys shop

    I don’t shop. Wife shops.

    I’m steadily swapping my wardrobe out. Most everything in good shape has been donated to the local assistance league, with new stuff coming home from the assistance league/craigslist/ebay. We can afford new stuff, but we recycle almost everything as a matter of habit. I buy shoes new. My feet are my only good quality – I need to keep them in good shape or else nobody will have any use for me.

    My clothes have suffered from two afflictions:

    1) Getting destroyed during projects. Tshirts have a lifespan of hours before a hole shows up in them from getting caught on something. Denim shorts usually go days before submitting to the same fate.
    2) I’ve lost 40 lbs and everything but shoes and socks falls off. We’re currently debating whether to drop me down another jeans size. I’m not convinced I’ll say at a smaller size for any period of time, wife thinks I will.

    Bottom line, find a woman who cares and ask her to take you shopping. Buy what she says and buy her something nice in exchange. It’s totally worth it. That was my routine before I got married. The main problem is that you’ll always buy what you’re accustomed to. She’ll buy what you should be wearing instead. Remember, other people see you all the time – you almost never see yourself.

    @eemom: Happy birthday! You look way younger than your age, btw.

  126. 126.

    kindness

    OK, since we are catagorizing….

    How many guys here window shop electronics once a year? No? You look at that stuff a bunch? Why so when you only clothes shop once a year?

    And my problem is I always want to get something half way through a season. I went looking for some Cargo Shorts the end of July and Costco already had shipped back all their summer stuff and had winter stuff out. I don’t buy things 6 months before I need them! That’s my issue.

  127. 127.

    dance around in your bones

    @Tony J:

    Music to my ears, since I turn the big four-oh in, let’s see, two hours and twenty minutes.

    ♩ ♪ Happy Happy Birthday, baby – ooo ooo OOH ooh we ooo ♫ ♬

  128. 128.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @bemused:

    I would have to go check the cover art, but I’m pretty sure the original Kingston Trio also used to wear striped button-down shirts as their “concert uniform.” I’m talking late ’50s here.

  129. 129.

    trollhattan

    @kindness:
    You’re really off your game if looking for summer stuff at Costco after, say, April. That’s just before they roll out the Halloween candy.

    I don’t know how to explain the electronics vs. clothes thing other than, “Well, duh!” Every dollar spent on a suit is a dollar unavailable for a new toy.

  130. 130.

    Maude

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    I have a Marshalls, Kohls and Burlington Coat Factory. There are two Ralph Laurens in the outlet center. One is Polo and the other is Children. The kid’s clothes are the ugliest things from the 1950s styles.
    The outlet place has other stores with stuff i wouldn’t be caught dead in.
    I have to get some teen aged boy jeans. I’ll try Marshalls first. I’ll do this before October, or November. I hate clothes shopping.

  133. 133.

    LanceThruster

    @raven:

    I grew in in the days of “muscle” shirts and those gawd-awful too tight gym shorts like a roller disco outfit.

    My collar bone’s got hardly any meat on it so I was thrilled when I switched to cutting the sleeves off a T or a sweat top. Now I look handsomely rugged (or ruggedly handsome).

    OT, I just learned on the Simpsons that Flanders calls a “wife beater” a “wife blesser.”

    LOL

    Stupid Flanders!

    (one other thing…my net conn at home went south so I’ve yet to finish that Pilger vid you linked – dying to see the rest – no YouTube at the salt mine here)

  134. 134.

    danimal

    @Violet:

    The bonus was meeting Roxanne Cooper from the Raw Story, and hopefully we will hook up…And ruin really spice up the ABLCranky love story? Noooo!YESSSS!!!

    But none of it really happens until it is thoroughly documented and sufficiently mocked.

  136. 136.

    SIA

    @J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford: Just got my husband a very handsome Ralph Lauren polo button down for $13.99 at Marshall’s. They are the best for men’s clothes.

    John, I’m married to a blue eyed blond. The electric blue shirt will work very well for you. and BTW I love how you’ve made your slow motion debut into the world. Brave man.

    Edited to respond to correct person

  137. 137.

    The Fat Kate Middleton

    I LURV Ross’s. I travel to NC for two reasons: to visit my sisters in Asheville and Raleigh, and to shop at Ross’s.

    OT – but I have had the best experience over the last two days, trying to find a family for a mama and baby kitten that adopted us out here in the country. We have severe cat allergies here, so posted pics on Craigslist (found out later that was a no-no), and offered to pay vet costs. I was overwhelmed with calls. Ended up placing them with the sweetest young family that lives just down the road. They have two kids, boy five, girl four months, and are obviously living paycheck to paycheck. Dad told me he grew up with cats, and just loved them, but they had decided they just couldn’t afford the medical costs. It was such fun to see how excited they were. I talked to the vet, and he concurred: just couldn’t find a better little family for the kitties. I love paying for this … and I am sitting here still feeling the glow.

  141. 141.

    LanceThruster

    @kindness:

    Good point. I try (but often forget) to buy seasonal at the end of season clearance (though my size and the styles I like are often picked pretty clean).

    A nice outfit can really do wonders for your attitude, but then again, having the basics keeps you covered and prevents you from exposing your shame (which makes baby jeebus cry) so it’s all win.

    Glob, I wish I had gone for a straight leg Levis and t-shirt look in the 70’s instead of jumbo cuffed bell bottoms. I cringe seeing the pics. Wimmins ain’t the only slaves to fashion.

  142. 142.

    RossInDetroit, Rational Subjectivist

    That is the only rational way to shop for clothes. I use that method myself. This afternoon I was ordered to go to Tennessee for work tomorrow. I will drive to the Army Navy store and buy cargo pants. I will drive 2 miles up the same road to Target and buy polo (though not Polo) shirts. I will remove the tags and be done.

    You are sane, John. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

    ETA: and I used to sell menswear at Saks, so I know what I’m talking about.

  143. 143.

    dance around in your bones

    @LanceThruster:

    Though in our defense, we knew to have the pants OR shorts at waist level, not hanging off our butts to “showcase” our drawers.

    Yeah, that look is for the under 25’s. I’m always wanting to pull up their pants for them, in a motherly kinda way ;)

  144. 144.

    dance around in your bones

    @LanceThruster:

    Though in our defense, we knew to have the pants OR shorts at waist level, not hanging off our butts to “showcase” our drawers.

    Yeah, that look is for the under 25’s. I’m always wanting to pull up their pants for them, in a motherly kinda way ;)

  145. 145.

    dance around in your bones

    @LanceThruster:

    Though in our defense, we knew to have the pants OR shorts at waist level, not hanging off our butts to “showcase” our drawers.

    Yeah, that look is for the under 25’s. I’m always wanting to pull up their pants for them, in a motherly kinda way ;)

  147. 147.

    Rita R.

    @Comrade Mary:

    He really is. The fact that he went out and bought new shirts after last night’s “Horizontal Stripes-gate” made me smile. They’re all nice, but that blue is my favorite. Very flattering color and “fancier” looking than the gray for Mrs. O’s speech.

  148. 148.

    Em Aych

    Long-time lurker, first-time poster. I mean this in the happiest and most positive way.

    John: your writing makes it sound like you have a crush on ABL. If she’s single, of compatible sexual orientation, and there is actual mutual attraction, the two of you should consider dating! And if none of those things work, you sure sound like you’d be good friends at least!

  149. 149.

    Anatoliĭ Lъudьvigovich Bzyp (formerly Horrendo Slapp, Jimperson Zibb, Duncan Dönitz, Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy, Mumphrey, et al.)

    @Kris:

    Yeah, I go along with the tailor thing. There’s no way I could wear a suit off the rack; I’m 6’1″, and like 130-140 pounds, and I’m all limbs. So I had a tailor in Tegucigalpa, Honduras make all my suits. Fernando Montero, Maestro Cortador. $50 each for hand-made, really well made clothes. It’s a little more if you don’t bring your own cloth. Anyway, I had these made in 1998, and I still wear them to this day.

  150. 150.

    Amir Khalid

    Is US$266 a reasonable price for a pair of Levi’s 505s? I was shopping for jeans the other day, and saw a pair in the Levi’s store tagged at a mind-bending 800 ringgit, or about three times the usual price. The sales assistant’s justification? “These are imported from the US.”

  151. 151.

    RedKitten

    @dance around in your bones:

    Yeah, that look is for the under 25’s idiots. I’m always wanting to pull up their pants for them, in a motherly kinda way ;)

    Fix’d. I’m always wanting to pull up their pants for them, in a “Pull up your goddamn pants, you dumbass” kinda way.

  152. 152.

    TooManyJens

    @Kris:

    There are few truly joyful things for humans.

    “And I’m going to tell you what you should find joyful!”

    Don’t mind me, I’m just tired of being lectured about how horrible I am for not liking to cook by people whose lives are affected not one iota by my preferences.

  154. 154.

    trollhattan

    @Amir Khalid:
    Sounds very high to me, but evidently there are a few still made in the States and I don’t know what they might go for.

    Wiki tells me this:

    Today, most Levi’s jeans are made outside the US, though a few of the higher end, more expensive styles are still made in the U.S.

  155. 155.

    RedKitten

    @TooManyJens: I agree. I get no joy out of cooking. None.

    Plus, reading wasn’t on the list. Personally, I derive great joy from being able to immerse myself into the worlds that are created by talented writers. I get a helluva lot more joy from that than from the 5:30 pm, “what the fuck do I make for dinner tonight” song-and-dance.

  156. 156.

    burnspbesq

    Casual Male XL. The closest one to you is in Greensburg, PA. You can also order on-line at rochesterclothing.com

  157. 157.

    4jkb4ia

    John, it was clear you didn’t care about clothes. As a frequent fashion police victim myself, I phrased it that you don’t like the way you look anyway so you might as well wear whatever you want. I was also going to say that my first real boyfriend taught me that if you look like a slob, no one will give you points for having no vanity. They will just say you are a slob. But eligible women will respect that you dress in a way that is flattering on some level even if you will not be in GQ any time soon.

    I am also glad you got your hair cut.

    @RossinDetroit: I stopped buying shorts for the sake of tznius, but essentially I have dressed the same way for 20 years, and I go buying whatever has worn out instead of shopping.

    @Kris: I’ll endorse custom tailoring.

    (USTA is so determined to have Roddick-Del Potro go off on time they have postponed the Sharapova match until tomorrow. The world is coming to an end.)

  160. 160.

    dance around in your bones

    @RedKitten:

    @TooManyJens: I agree. I get no joy out of cooking. None.
    __
    Plus, reading wasn’t on the list. Personally, I derive great joy from being able to immerse myself into the worlds that are created by talented writers. I get a helluva lot more joy from that than from the 5:30 pm, “what the fuck do I make for dinner tonight” song-and-dance.

    Good Gawd, do I remember what I used to call the Dead Zone hour – late afternoon to night – when I had to frantically come up with some gawd damn thing for dinner.

    Actually, I always cooked the best when I was kinda hammered. THEN, I had enthusiasm! This was most often in a party situation, in my own defense.

  161. 161.

    Linda

    @ Fat Kate: awwwwww. Bless you, the young family, and the cats joining what will be a happy ho
    E for them.

    Cole needs a nice polka dot shirt to make him catch the FLs eye.

    My son is 6′ 4″ and weighs two-mumblety and he has found pretty good Tall shirts at a MO company called Blair.

  163. 163.

    Vodkamuppet

    The Wonkette drinky thing tonight is a house party? I’m so fucking jealous right now I could choke a bag of kittens. The Detroit meet up was a great time but a house party would have been a million times more fun. Argle blargle blargle blargle blar!

  164. 164.

    Amir Khalid

    @schrodinger’s cat: @trollhattan:
    I haven’t shopped for jeans in the Hew Hess Hay since I was last there, during the Clinton administration. But I do remember that the Levi’s found in American department-store remainder bins are sold at preposterously high prices on this side of the planet. 501s for something like US$110 and up, 505s for US$85 to US$95.

  167. 167.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    @Amir Khalid: Levi’s 505s have been my favorite jeans for decades. For some ungodly reason they changed the cut and they suck. I have no idea what to do. I bought 501s last time, but I don’t want to keep doing that.

    Bastids. Why fuck up a good thing?

  168. 168.

    SmallAxe

    Good stuff Cole, like the choices, and I’m with you on the shopping for big guys, I do it pretty much once a year as well. Big & tall only carries solid colors if memory serves go figure. Looks like you are in good hands. Good luck out there.

Comments are closed.