Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Come on, man.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

White supremacy is terrorism.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

This really is a full service blog.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

Let’s finish the job.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Take your GOP plan out of the witness protection program.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

I was promised a recession.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

You are here: Home / z-Retired Categories / Site Maintenance / Post Convention Write Up, Part One

Post Convention Write Up, Part One

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I know it has been a couple days since we returned from the DNC, and I keep promising wrap-ups with my thoughts, but I really was just wiped out and then had a lot of other professional obligations I needed to deal with in the last couple of days (and I never talk about my professional obligations because I have worked hard for ten years to separate this blog from my occupation. I’ll just leave it at this- I teach at a university and run a distance learning program for our department. I’ve avoided ever talking about it publicly, because for me the separation between work and this blog is very important. I’d respectfully ask all of you to avoid speculation or sharing of details- if you have questions please email me). Now that I am all smacked up on the Tussin dealing with the cold that comes every time I run myself ragged (fever is only 100, so I will live), I figure I can do a little bit of a rundown.

First things first- I want to personally thank each and every one of you who contributed to the trip. It really was the time of my life, and I never would have gone without your support. I’m sure that Angry Black Lady feels the same way. We had an amazing time, met lots of awesome people, and hell, we met each other. My only regret is that Tim F. has been trying to get me to meet him in Pittsburgh for about 7 years, and I have always said no, I don’t leave the house. I guess that excuse is kind of shot now. So yes, Tim, the next time you have Steelers tickets, I will go, but only if I get to meet that beautiful dog of yours.

Second, and this only is peripherally related to the convention, but I have to say that the Motel 6 episode, even though we called it Murder Motel, was such a positive experience for me. I’ll be blunt. I’m white and I live in a town of a few hundred. I have no black friends in town. I did spend a couple years in the military where almost every one in my platoon was black, to the point that we called ourselves the oreo platoon (4 tanks, each with four crewman, and of those four crewman, only one was white). So I basically spend my entire life in a white cocoon. When I picked up Imani and Heather from the Pittsburgh airport, as we crossed the WV state line, I looked over and told them “I think we just doubled the black population in West Virginia.”

Back to the point (and trust me, if you ever heard me give a lecture in person, you would understand how I ramble on- I usually appoint a student in the front row to remind me what the hell I was talking about before I lost track). When I travel normally, I usually stay in a Hampton Inn when left to my own devices, or, if it is a convention, it is usually a very nice hotel, because it has to be to hold a convention. So walking into the Motel 6 was a bit of a shock initially, but I swear, after getting used to the fact it was not a Hyatt, I had the best stay ever. Normally in nice hotels, you are surrounded by pretentious self-important dicks. At the Motel 6, I would go outside to have a glass of wine, my neighbors would pop out, I’d invite them to have a drink, and we would spend the next hour chatting. It was just very laid back and a lot like what is like living here in a small town in West Virginia. Your neighbors come out, you say “heya, want a drink,” and you hang out. People were normal, and not self-important douchenozzles. It was just really, really nice.

I’ll leave with this final thought (and tomorrow I’ll post an update to this thread going into actually specifics about the convention). Maybe in some places in America there are just really bad neighborhoods, but I was told by a number of people, including the receptionist in the motel I was staying, that this was “the hood.” I just didn’t see it. Maybe it is because I am 6’0″ and look like I can handle my own, but it just seemed like anywhere else in America. No one fucked with me, and the way I was treated was directly related to the way I treated people around me.

Funny that. Tomorrow I will talk about the actual conference itself.

Also too, it took me two days to stop calling ABL by the name of ABL. She is now Imani. She also has really big breasts and is kind of hot, although there is no chance we will ever be a couple, for those of you who want to speculate. It was like travelling with my sister-

Fuck you.

No, Fuck you.

What the fuck do you want from me?

STFU.

I don’t give a shit, but we have to go now. I’ll sure shake a bitch.

I will kick you in the dick.

Could you possibly be any slower?

Fuck you.

Oh just stfu and tell me what you want to drink.

STFU, I’m tweeting.

I swear to God I will choke you out with a strap-on

Ask Imani. I’m not making this up.

Reader Interactions

96Comments

  3. 3.

    ABL

    They’re real, and they’re spectacular! The only benefit of having this tumor stuck in my brain.

    And he’s not making any of it up. I threatened to punch him in the dick on several occasions.

    I also had a blast and I too will do a write-up, I swears it. As soon as I finish writing my “I get paid for this shit” posts at RHRC and the Grio.

    For all his crankiness, Cole is charming as fuck. And the Murder Hotel was really fun. Negro clusters as far as the eye could see. And Cole didn’t once ask any of them if he could touch their hair.

  4. 4.

    trollhattan

    I put the wine away awhile ago, but now I think I’ll dig it back out and keep laughing.

    Bravo–golf claps all around.

  5. 5.

    Short Bus Bully

    Almost creepy how attached I’m becoming to the front pagers on this blog and their stories/lives, etc. The only other thing I can compare it to is the old WoW days and guild life. Bit o’ drama here and there, but this place feels like family after the last several years lurking and reading daily.

    Best part of the intertronz right here on Balloon Juice. Just sayin’…

  9. 9.

    Quaker in a Basement

    At the Motel 6, I would go outside to have a glass of wine, my neighbors would pop out, I’d invite them to have a drink, and we would spend the next hour chatting. It was just very laid back and a lot like what is like living here in a small town in West Virginia. Your neighbors come out, you say “heya, want a drink,” and you hang out. People were normal, and not self-important douchenozzles. It was just really, really nice.

    You know, this attitude has been in short supply over the last few years. The major parties (especially the GOP) have been so focused on “wedge” issues that tribalism has come to rule the day.

    My favorite lefty hero is Studs Terkel. He could sit and talk with anybody anywhere. More like that, please.

  10. 10.

    West of the Cascades

    Cole: you have the most humane blog on the internet, the most germane, and now you’re adding the human side in doses you can handle. That is awesome. If it weren’t for you and ABL and the other front pagers here and folks like Charlie Pierce and Scott Lemieux and Paul Campos and Paul Krugman I would have drunk battery acid with our current political situation. Thanks for opening up a bit this year (and I also struggle with depression, and a couple of posts you’ve made on that topic have hit home in a helpful way).

  11. 11.

    Cain

    @ABL:

    They’re real, and they’re spectacular! The only benefit of having this tumor stuck in my brain.

    pics or it didn’t happen. (and I don’t mean the tumor, although I bet that would be kind of titillating..)

    Seriously though, glad you guys had a great time.

  13. 13.

    Comrade Mary

    That post was so goddamn sweet that I may have to break into the pharmacy across the street for some insulin. I’m glad the 5 of you had such a great time. And yes, you must visit Tim and the most fabulous Dobie EVER.

    One more thing:

    I swear to God I will choke you out with a strap-on

    If I ever marry again, this is making it into the vows.

  14. 14.

    Cain

    Hope you feel better, Cole. Seriously, check out why you are getting wiped out. That sounds problematic.. we’re the same age, and I don’t think I’ve had that kind of problem. But then again I haven’t been to a conference where I’m up all night all week in awhile.

  15. 15.

    Comrade Mary

    GODDAMNIT COLE I WROTE SOMETHING HEARTFELT AND NOW I’M IN MODERATION JUST BECAUSE I REFERENCED A FEATURE OF MY NEIGHBOURHOOD (NOT LARGE BREASTS GODDAMNIT) SO PLS TAKE ME OUT OF MODERATION LIKE NOW PLS THX GBYE.

    @Cain: Did you not see the picture of her in the cut-down version of John’s blue shirt?

  17. 17.

    Ann Rynd

    More trips for you two. A whole new blog, Travels out of the cocoon. There’s a transexual/transgender convention every year in Provincetown you could cover.

  18. 18.

    Comrade Mary

    @trollhattan: Oh honey, my own personal neighbourhood has been lacking in lactation potential for, like, forever.

    I’m out of moderation now, so you can check my damning references for yourself.

    /wipes froth off mouth, blows John a kiss

  20. 20.

    dance around in your bones

    Negro clusters as far as the eye can see? I’m dyin’ here.

    I’ve always felt more comfortable in cheap motels. The worst experience I ever had was staying at a ritzy bed & breakfast in SF. NO one wanted to have a drink or even share our drugs, fer Chrissakes.

  21. 21.

    trollhattan

    @Comrade Mary:
    Well now, apparently the retail establishment at which one may obtain vigarra or soc1aIist is taboo, also, too.

    Life itself is becoming a Turing test.

  24. 24.

    Ruckus

    John and ABL

    Glad you kids got along so well. I know John was in the Marines and so have no problem understanding his ability to discuss any and all matters with swearing of the best quality but ABL, where did you learn that fine art?

  25. 25.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @amk:

    OK, you didn’t see the picture of ABL and Corey Booker from last week?

    Yes, ABL has large breasts. She also wears dresses that reveal that fact, and do so in a very becoming manner.

    She’s very attractive. The large breasts are just an extra. It’s the damn brain that makes her so attractive.

  26. 26.

    suzanne

    You two are adorable. My only regret is that I didn’t come and tag along a la Joe Pesci in the Lethal Weapon flicks. (They really do indeed fuck you at the drive-thru.)

    It’s really weird to think of you having a day job, Cole.

  28. 28.

    John Cole

    @Ruckus: I was and am a proud Army veteran, god damnit.

    Marines- don’t want them near your sister, don’t want them in the same bar, but you would give your left nut to have them ahead of you in combat.

  37. 37.

    trollhattan

    Completely O/T, I’m reading the local rag’s web page (about UC agreeing to a settlement offer to the pepper-hosing victims) and an ad appears for a “Psychic Medium” coming to the Holiday Inn.

    Why would a psychic medium need to advertise?

  40. 40.

    Ruckus

    @ABL:
    My mom was never one to shy away from the fine art but I think being raised at the time she was(mom was 94 this year) she was less inclined to use some of the more colorful words. She once was trying for about 6 months to set me up with a friend of hers daughter. Now I was about 50 at the time so didn’t really need the help. Would not stop no matter what I said. So one day I asked what the girl looked like, answer, she has a nice personality. So I had to go there. Does she fuck? Without missing a beat mom comes back with “I don’t know you’d have to ask her yourself” I seem to remember something about almost falling down laughing.

  41. 41.

    YellowJournalism

    There needs to be a reality show based around John Cole right now. ABL would frequently guest star. if Honey Boo Boo can get airtime, why can’t our lovable doggy daddy?

  42. 42.

    Narcissus

    She also has really big breasts and is kind of hot, although there is no chance we will ever be a couple,

    But the blog wants what the blog wants.

  43. 43.

    MattR

    @trollhattan:

    Why would a psychic medium need to advertise?

    Because her clients aren’t psychic.

    BTW, if anyone ever wants to stay in a truly crappy hotel may I suggest the Travelodge in Athens, GA.

  45. 45.

    Yutsano

    @John Cole:

    Marines-

    OOHRAH!!

    don’t want them near your sister

    Or your brother, or your children, or even your parents honestly.

    don’t want them in the same bar

    When it absolutely positively has to be destroyed overnight. It’s not just a slogan.

    but you would give your left nut to have them ahead of you in combat.

    A former First Lady said it best.

  48. 48.

    taylormattd

    See, that conversation is why I love this blog.

    That right there is how real people who like and know each other talk to each other.

  49. 49.

    A Humble Lurker

    Fuck you.
    __
    No, Fuck you.
    __
    What the fuck do you want from me?
    __
    STFU.
    __
    I don’t give a shit, but we have to go now. I’ll sure shake a bitch.
    __
    I will kick you in the dick.
    __
    Could you possibly be any slower?
    __
    Fuck you.
    __
    Oh just stfu and tell me what you want to drink.
    __
    STFU, I’m tweeting.
    __
    I swear to God I will choke you out with a strap-on

    I don’t know what you’re on about. Sounds like lurve to me.

    Glad you had a nice time, blog meister.

  50. 50.

    taylormattd

    @ABL:

    And Cole didn’t once ask any of them if he could touch their hair.

    LMAO. That’s only because he asked you first whether it was a good idea to ask them if he could touch their hair.

  53. 53.

    Cain

    @Hill Dweller:

    OT: Sexy Beast is currently airing on IFC. Ben Kingsley is unbelievably good.

    He sure is. It’s kind of weird that the best movie I’ve ever seen him act in was Gandhi. He was so brilliant and believable in that movie.

  55. 55.

    joel hanes

    Re: Motel 6 and road trips

    The blue highways have many remaining 50’s-vintage kitsch-themed operator-owned motels at the intersections, some with signage that’s not changed in thirty years or more. They’re all different.

    We let my friend JB (a truck driver for some years long ago) dictate lodging on road trips, and we usually end up in these classic byway edge-of-small-town motels. They’re always inexpensive, usually great, frequently patched-up, sometimes quirky, and never new — JB says to look for the gardening, and particularly to choose the ones with petunias bedded or in neat planters.

  58. 58.

    Arclite

    JC and ABL:

    I believe you guys when you say there is no way you’d ever be a couple, but that’s married folk conversation right there.

    Just sayin’

  59. 59.

    Arclite

    Also, too: Now that I have confirmation that John G. Cole teaches at a university (something I suspected for years based on little hints dropped from the horse’s mouth here and there) I will say this:

    JC in the army: Republican
    JC at University: Democrat

    UNIVERSITIES TURN PEOPLE LIBERAL!

  60. 60.

    Schlemizel

    thats funny. with the time you have to spend on this blog and how you talk about your projects I sort of figured you were living on an Army disability check!

    I live in a mixed neighborhood right next to ‘the hood’ there are regular shootings just a couple of miles way but never around here. I can’t say this is neighborly as your experience but I know the sort of thing you are talking about.

  61. 61.

    Ben Cisco

    Love the post, and I’m glad you and ABL had such a great time in my town; my only regret was not being able to meet up.

    What I want to know is, who gets to play you in the movie, Galifianakis?

  62. 62.

    Debbie(Aussie)

    Wonderful to see you have found your blogging juice again. That previous post was superlative.
    Take care of yourself, hope you’ll be over your flu/cold ASAP.

  63. 63.

    henqiguai

    Just a drive-by while scanning the morning’s postings before work consumes all.

    Fortunately there’s no-one here (almost literally no-one else in the building) because the insane out-loud laughter when I got to the end of the post was embarrassing even to me (and I’m both alone in the building and I am weird).

    Thank you.

  64. 64.

    kindness

    I was really happy to see the pictures of everyone there. It was so good to be able to identify faces to the names.

    Thank you all for going & you are welcome. We are so happy to have helped.

  65. 65.

    Josie

    Thanks for the great post, John. I’m looking forward to more on your personal take on the trip and convention. These posts are what I look forward to most on BJ. And don’t you feel better now that you wrote it? (Oh jeez, again with the mom stuff)

  66. 66.

    grishaxxx

    It was a thing of beauty (at least Imani’s contribution!), and consonant with every convention, of whatever kind, I’ve ever been to, exhausting and exhilarating in equal parts. You deserve the downtime. But I have to thank y’all for the reportage and just for being there, in our stead. This one had a glow, and I have no doubt you made the town light up, JG, you dog. <3

  68. 68.

    NorthLeft12

    the way I was treated was directly related to the way I treated people around me.

    I believe this.
    I was driving through Flint, Michigan on the way to Lake Superior Provincial Park in Ontario and had a flat tire [warm, sunny, summer day around 1000AM]. I pulled off onto an offramp, parked and left my wife and two daughters with the car and trailer while I went to find a wrench for the trailer tire [long story]. The white people we met were all horrified that we would stop in this kind of neighbourhood. The non-white people I ran into while searching for a garage were all very helpful and polite. I found a garage who lent me the proper tool, and also got a ride [and a lecture]from a cop back to my car. He was looking for me because my presence in the “hood” had been reported by an off duty cop who had stopped and spoken to my wife and daughters. Of course he told my family to get in the car and roll up the windows and lock the doors. They had been lounging and snacking on the grass by the side of the off ramp.

    I don’t doubt that the area we were in is a high crime area and would be considered dangerous, but I was just stunned by the high level of paranoia by the whites we met, particularly the two police officers. I have to wonder if these expectations are somehow self fulfilling.

  69. 69.

    Soonergrunt

    @Ruckus: Marines? Really? Does John seem illiterate to you?*
    He was a Soldier. Even if he was a DAT, he was a Soldier.

    *actually, some of the smartest guys I’ve ever known were Marines, but still.

  71. 71.

    Cassidy

    @joel hanes: Yup. Seen that move too. Doesn’t end well for the travelers.

    @NorthLeft12: Everyone in the white sections of San Antonio is scared of the [Hispanic] Southside. Personally, I thought they were the coolest groups of people I ever met. My wife worked with a lot of Hispanic women so we’d get invited to the cookouts and stuff. I always said the biggest problem with San Antonio was all the damn white people.

    Marines…well, they make great commercials. They know how to act like they’re doing something. Ya’ll know why they keep marines on the boats, right?

  73. 73.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    My only regret

    It wouldn’t have killed you to see if I wanted to go. I mighta wanted to go. But you have your black friends now.

  74. 74.

    Rafer Janders

    I swear to God I will choke you out with a strap-on

    I wouldn’t mess, Cole. Imani seems like she’d wield a pretty mean strap-on.

  75. 75.

    Rafer Janders

    Also too, it took me two days to stop calling ABL by the name of ABL. She is now Imani. She also has really big breasts and is kind of hot, although there is no chance we will ever be a couple, for those of you who want to speculate. It was like travelling with my sister-

    Why do I suddenly think this is a great idea for a TV show? “She’s an angry black lady…he’s a grumpy white dude…together, they team up to fight crime!”

    Of course, you’d have a gruff but lovable boss, who every two episodes would call you into the office to chew you out and tell you you were off the case. But you’re both mavericks (TM John McCain) so would you listen? You would not.

  76. 76.

    dexwood

    @Quaker in a Basement:
    Back in the late 80s, I was hired to take still shots of Studs Terkel being interviewed by Tony Hillerman at our local PBS affiliate. The week before, I called Terkel’s office to give him a heads up and make sure it would be ok with him. I was a bit speechless at first because he answered the phone. I was expecting an assistant to pick up. He was charming and gracious. The day of the interview, I got to the studio early, about 30 minutes or so. When I walked into the lobby, there he was, Studs Terkel, sitting alone. I walked over, introduced myself and he invited me to have seat. I had him to myself for 20 minutes of conversation. A great, unforgettable experience.

  77. 77.

    Tractarian

    John, you’ve talked about your profession before on this blog, so the cat’s out of the bag.

    By the way, isn’t this post a little sexist? I mean, what does ABL’s breast size have to do with anything?

  78. 78.

    Comrade Mary

    @Rafer Janders:

    Of course, you’d have a gruff but lovable boss, who every two episodes would call you into the office to chew you out and tell you you were off the case.

    TUUUUUUNNNNNCCCHHHH!

  80. 80.

    dance around in your bones

    @dance around in your bones: is wondering if we’re going to have to refer to our hispanic brethren as the nougat that holds our candy bar of a country together…..

    Wish I had seen this last night – I’d say our hispanic brethren are the peanut butter in our Reese’s Cups of Negro clusters :)

    ABL, you crack me up.

  81. 81.

    Rafer Janders

    @Ben Cisco:

    What I want to know is, who gets to play you in the movie, Galifianakis?

    Huh. I always thought Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

    With Beyonce as ABL.

    C’mon, admit it — it’ll make a hell of a movie.

  82. 82.

    Rafer Janders

    @Cain:

    OT: Sexy Beast is currently airing on IFC. Ben Kingsley is unbelievably good.

    Ben Kingsley is a tiny little man. Ray Winstone is a big brute of a man.

    And yet in Sexy Beast, I’m always quite afraid that Kingsley will rip Winstone into bloody little pieces. It’s astonishing how he manages to achieve that.

    One of my favorite lines, which I’ve used myself on more than one occasion:

    Gal (Winstone): I’m going to have to turn this opportunity down.
    Don (Kingsley): No, you are going to have to turn this opportunity YES!

  85. 85.

    MoXmas

    FWIW, Motel 6 is a go-to chain for dog owners, because it doesn’t charge extra to bring your pets along. My folks stay in them all the time when they travel with their two giant dogs and one cat.

  88. 88.

    Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (formerly IrishGrrrl)

    @Tractarian: In all fairness there was a bit of commenting about her attractiveness and her “ladies” as I like to call ’em. Not to mention the fact there was open speculation as to whether ABL and Cole would hook up. So he was in part he was simply answering the speculation. He was also, in part, complimenting ABL while at the same time explaining that they wouldn’t be hooking up (kind of like saying to someone, “you’re really great but we have no sexual chemistry” after the first date).

    Of course, I’m speculating here. He could have just been really, really impressed with her “ladies”. Never EVER underestimate the power of the “ladies”. Mine have been quite the blessing (and sometimes a curse).

  89. 89.

    Ruckus

    @Soonergrunt:
    actually, some of the smartest guys I’ve ever known were Marines, but still

    I do have to agree. In my defense I was after all trying to get a rise.

    Another small jarhead story. While in the navy I was assigned to the SP for a short time at NSLB. It was not unusual to hear reports on the SP radio of calls about Marines on their first leave of boot camp go into a bar and pick a fight with a white hat, having been told that they were the best fighters in the world. It invariably didn’t work out well for them as they usually picked on deck hands, a group thought to be of the same intellectual and maturity level, but with years of lowlife barroom experience.

  92. 92.

    Don

    And he’s not making any of it up. I threatened to punch him in the dick on several occasions.

    It’s adorable that you think any of us doubted that for a moment.

  94. 94.

    Heather

    I would just like to say that I can vouch for all those Imani quotes John cited above. I was there.

    John’s lack of mentioning me should serve as testament to how boring superfluous polite I was by comparison.

    Ahem.

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