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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Open Thread: Road Kill Art Edition

Open Thread: Road Kill Art Edition

by Betty Cracker|  September 26, 201212:49 pm| 59 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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Speaking of butts: it turns out they can improve art! As some of you may have heard, I am a leading Wine Foil Sculptress, which is sort of like being Ann Althouse, only with better wine and less douchebaggery.

Anyway, the other evening, I constructed an armadillo. I used a ballpoint pen (Papermate, medium point) to define the ridges:

Meh. Something wasn’t quite right. Maybe the snout was too long? Or too high up? Tail too short? Anyhoo, I walked away for awhile, leaving it on the surface of my tiki bar.

When I returned a short time later and sat down on a bar stool, I felt something under my posterior and immediately leapt up, thinking I had accidentally squished a frog or giant cockroach. But Mr. C had moved the armadillo sculpture to the seat while I was gone so he could wipe up the cabernet I’d slopped on the surface of the bar during my drunken gesticulations as I was ranting about whatever topic we were ranting about previously, and I’d sat on the armadillo.

And you know what? NOW it looked EXACTLY like the roadkill armadillos that litter our highways down here:

Butts. Is there anything they can’t do?

[X-posted at Rumproast]
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Reader Interactions

59Comments

  1. 1.

    shortstop

    September 26, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    I love this post so much I want to marry it.

  2. 2.

    WereBear

    September 26, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    It’s that extra bit of verisimilitude it was wanting. Zee sculpture, it must be in act-zion!

  3. 3.

    Amir Khalid

    September 26, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    As you might guess from my name, I know little about wine, and less about matters connected even tangentially to it. But in the field of wine-foil sculptressing, how many people are you leading? And have you tried the butt method on other wine-foil animals yet?

  4. 4.

    BGinCHI

    September 26, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Betty, have you tried sitting on lemons?

    You might have yourself a lemonade goldmine there.

  5. 5.

    Bob In Portland

    September 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Sometimes butts can’t get elected President.

  6. 6.

    gogol's wife

    September 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    @shortstop:

    Me too. It’s just what I needed between my second and third classes of the day.

  7. 7.

    Linda Featheringill

    September 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    She does some cute things with that little bit of foil, doesn’t she?

  8. 8.

    Maude

    September 26, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    You are a true artist. in both pictures I can tell what it is.
    I almost feel sorry for your daughter when she tries to get the best of you. She doesn’t have a chance.

  9. 9.

    dance around in your bones

    September 26, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Betty Cracker, you are perfectly named as your posts consistently crack me up, to the point where my family thinks I am a lunatic, cackling away in my room all by myself.

    (Gotta love the hairdo on Eric Carmen)

  10. 10.

    Violet

    September 26, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Betty, did you see this chicken house this hedge fund manager in the UK built? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/comment/citydiary/9563587/Crispin-Odeys-chickens-come-home-to-a-luxury-roost.html

    For larger plans, check here and click for PDF: http://ftalphaville.ft.com/blog/2012/09/25/1176701/crispin-odeyous/

  11. 11.

    SFAW

    September 26, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    @Bob In Portland:

    Sometimes buttholes can’t get elected President.

    Fixed

  12. 12.

    JayJohnstone

    September 26, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Gallup had a nice jump today. 50-44

    Yesterday was 48-45.

    Approval/Disapproval up a bit to 51/43, too.

  13. 13.

    JCJ

    September 26, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    I have tried to copy some of your sculptures in the past and I thought I did a pretty decent job. I am now greatly humbled. You are indeed the true master.

  14. 14.

    WarMunchkin

    September 26, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Am I being had here? I read this article below; at first glance, it’s pretty much all numbers, but it’s diametrically opposed to, say, what TPM would say.

    **WARNING** Politico link **WARNING**
    Republican poll analysis: Romney winning with middle-class families

    What gives.

  15. 15.

    Dork

    September 26, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Butts. Is there anything they can’t do?

    They get my wife laid.

  16. 16.

    Cassidy

    September 26, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    @WarMunchkin: Is it “unskewed”?

  17. 17.

    denali

    September 26, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    no

  18. 18.

    JPL

    September 26, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Am I alone in thinking this one going to be another post on the University of Tenn. students past time?

  19. 19.

    scav

    September 26, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    @Violet: Brilliant! The Guard didn’t have the pdf

  20. 20.

    hitchhiker

    September 26, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Thanks for the laughs! You’re clearly a genius & I hope you continue to exercise your multiple skills . . . by which I mean, MOAH please.

  21. 21.

    RSA

    September 26, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Genius.

  22. 22.

    Ash Can

    September 26, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    @WarMunchkin: Are those “middle-class” families as defined by Mitt Romney (i.e., income of $250k)?

  23. 23.

    MattF

    September 26, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    @WarMunchkin: I imagine it depends a lot on how you define “middle-class” and “family.”

  24. 24.

    Violet

    September 26, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    @scav: If you enlarge it enough, you can see the inscriptions on the front and back. They’re in Latin. Of course they are. Anyway, one says: “Bibete Me” and the other says “Edite Me”. Google translate gives me something along the lines of “I drink” and “I eat”. Although “Edite Me” translated as “Eat Me,” which seems fitting for a hedge fund asshat.

  25. 25.

    Face

    September 26, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Is it “unskewed”?

    I beg a FPer to please do a post about this unskewed polls site. It’s both hilarious and disturbing all at the same time. The depth of their hive mind is unsettling.

  26. 26.

    ? Martin

    September 26, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    @JayJohnstone: That’s a big jump for Gallup. Gallup has been tracking fairly closely with Rasmussen. Their methodology is overall pretty good, so I don’t know why they are so far afield of other polling outfits. My guess is that their LV model looks more like Rasmussens.

    But if you take Ras and Gallup out, almost everyone else has been showing this as a 6-8 point race for a while. Maybe Gallup changed their LV model. Maybe they’re showing Obama opening the gap even more that other pollsters haven’t seen yet.

    A lot of folks on the right only count Ras and Gallup, and declare everyone else as liberal and biased. We’ll see what this does for their view of Gallup.

  27. 27.

    kgc16

    September 26, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    I. just. love. this! Your wine foil sculptures are really nice. And I used to live in Florida, so I recognize that poor armadillo in the second pic ;)

  28. 28.

    dr. bloor

    September 26, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    And you know what? NOW it looked EXACTLY like the roadkill armadillos that litter our highways down here.

    Looks like the Romney campaign to me.

  29. 29.

    Punchy

    September 26, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    @Face: From that site, I thought I would let everyone know how much of a sad they’re going to have when Willy crushes Obama in November.

    The facts are there, folks. Deal with it.

  30. 30.

    scav

    September 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    @Violet: And “rumours” of a Humpty Dumpty-themed frieze! Does life get better?

    Pedant pause. If we go with “Eat Me” and “Drink Me” translations, could it also be a call-out to Alice’s potions and the scale change of this Palatial Coop? If the man is drinking chickens . . .

  31. 31.

    Steeplejack

    September 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    @Betty Cracker:

    Butts. Is there anything they can’t do?

    I’m beginning to wonder. I just had to put a password on my laptop because the new housecat loves to sleep on the (warm) keyboard and has managed to:
    * » Open and close various programs.

    * » Start up “accessibility” options such as Microsoft Narrator (which reads everything on the screen to you–very disconcerting).

    * » Turn off the computer.

    * » Turn on the computer (after I turned it off so she couldn’t screw up anything).

    * » Rename the “My Documents” folder to “thpj8”.

    * » Open a DOS box. (WTF?!)

     

    It was that last one that really shook me up.

    So far she hasn’t figured out the password, but she’s working on it. I shudder to think what she could do with opposable thumbs.

  32. 32.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    September 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Am I being had here?

    @WarMunchkin: Big time.

  33. 33.

    peach flavored shampoo

    September 26, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    @Punchy: From your link, this beaut:

    Romney can so decimate Obama in the debates and easily have a double-digit lead in the polls a week after the last debate. After the voters make up their minds on this race, Romney could easily be leading and looking forward to a landslide victory.

    Heh. Written on 30Aug, natch.

  34. 34.

    Thoughtcrime

    September 26, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Betty,

    So when can we expect pictures of your Romney and Ryan sculptures?

  35. 35.

    kindness

    September 26, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Oh Betty that is so unfair. Ann Althouse can’t compete with you. After all, what can you make out of a cardboard box & a plastic bag?

  36. 36.

    Cassidy

    September 26, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    @Punchy: Wow. Must have been paid by the hyperlink.

    I’m convinced. Fuck it. Who needs specifics or facts. BECAUSE THAT’S WHY, MOTHERFUCKERS!

  37. 37.

    catclub

    September 26, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    @hitchhiker: yes! A genius can make art out of _everything_ in their life.

    Shakespeare takes ugly anti-semitism and makes “The Merchant of Venice”

    Proust makes waking up from a drunken bender and trying to remember last night into 2500 pages of genius. (Likewise Joyce and Ulysses)

    Betty Cracker is really no different.

  38. 38.

    Suffern ACE

    September 26, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    @WarMunchkin: Well, they admit that this is republican analysis. If you read into it, it reads like Republican Voters are voting Republican. Which is to be expected. If they are defining middle class by income, you eliminate a lot of people who probably vote for Obama. You toss out young people who at the start of their careers don’t yet qualify for middle class status. Since they focus on the 45 and ups – well, those are the people who are middle class.

    I would not be surprised to find that like the discussion of the white working class, this varies by region such that Romney’s lead is based on a strong lead in one section of the country where he’ll recieve 80% of the middle class vote. But that will be offset in the electoral college in section of the country where he’ll recieve 50% of that vote, or even less.

  39. 39.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    September 26, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    I beg a FPer to please do a post about this unskewed polls site. It’s both hilarious and disturbing all at the same time. The depth of their hive mind is unsettling.

    @Face: From them:

    In this survey, the sampling is based on only 24 percent responding as Republicans, while Democrats were 33 percent, Independents were 36 and the remaining 7 percent responded otherwise. No serious observer of American politics or pollster believes that Republicans make up only 24 percent of the population.

    Fucking liberal numbers. Just like the goddamned liberal facts.

    The writer would probably die when he finds out that this breakdown of party affiliation is pretty much right on the money.

  40. 40.

    jibeaux

    September 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Sort of like being Ann Althouse?!? That boxed wine has teeny-tiny little foil nothings. You can’t make any serious art with those.

  41. 41.

    MaryRC

    September 26, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    @Violet: I notice that first link brings up that famous duck house charged by a Tory MP to his expenses.

    But look at that duck house. Wouldn’t you want it? I want it and I don’t even have ducks, or a house.

  42. 42.

    peach flavored shampoo

    September 26, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    That unskewed polls site has a number of additional links. Check out this electoral map.

    That’s right….Mass and CT are only a “leans” Dem, Oregon and PA are toss ups. Christ the stupid is strong.

  43. 43.

    Ash Can

    September 26, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    @kindness:

    Ann Althouse can’t compete with you. After all, what can you make out of a cardboard box & a plastic bag?

    And an enema tube.

  44. 44.

    Yutsano

    September 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    @Steeplejack: If not for sits, why is it made of warm? :)

  45. 45.

    demz taters

    September 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To show the armadillo it could be done.

  46. 46.

    Cassidy

    September 26, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    @peach flavored shampoo: Well, hell, projectinatin’ is easy if you just remove the blahs, messicans, and wimmen from the voting roles.

  47. 47.

    Steeplejack

    September 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    @Yutsano:

    True dat.

    I bought her a fleece throw from Target that sits right next to the computer, and she will sleep on that if I supervise her. But she seems to drift back to the keyboad if I go away for a while.

    I am thinking about buying a cheap heating pad for her. Either that or get a Commodore 64 for $10 on eBay and pretend that it’s my main computer until she takes it over. Then I’ll “settle” for the laptop.

  48. 48.

    Another Halocene Human

    September 26, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    @Violet: It means “all y’all drink me, all y’all eat me”

    creepy, reminds me of Sunday mass. I mean, first I was thinking of Alice in Wonderland, but wouldn’t that be singular? Ede me. Bibe me.

  49. 49.

    Violet

    September 26, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    @MaryRC: Yes, who wouldn’t want that duck house. It’s amazing. The chicken house is great too. Plenty of people who live in shacks would give plenty to live as well as those chickens or ducks.

  50. 50.

    Violet

    September 26, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    @Another Halocene Human: That is just creepy.

  51. 51.

    Yutsano

    September 26, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    @MaryRC: The Peabody ducks live pretty posh as well. But they at least work for a living.
    @Steeplejack: Lexie is all fur, so she likes cool spots. But she’s just weird anyway.

  52. 52.

    PurpleGirl

    September 26, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Oh, I love you Betty. This post is just so great. Roadkill armadillo…. LOL (in foot high letters). Thanks for a good laugh.

  53. 53.

    PurpleGirl

    September 26, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    @Steeplejack: I shudder to think what she could do with opposable thumbs.

    Did you ever see the Cravendale milk commercial…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6CcxJQq1x8

  54. 54.

    Mnemosyne

    September 26, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    @Steeplejack:

    I’m just saying, when that truck full of catnip pulls up to your door, you’ll know who ordered it.

  55. 55.

    Maude

    September 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    @Steeplejack:
    It’s the heat in the keyboard. Perhaps the heating pad would work.
    Good luck with this.

  56. 56.

    kindness

    September 26, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    @Ash Can:

    An an enema tube.

    Ha…I would say too soon but no one from that Frat House died so it’s OK in my book.

  57. 57.

    LanceThruster

    September 26, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Re: Ann Rmoney on Leno talking about Mitt being cheap as opposed to frugal discussed him turning off the water heater for their home(s) when they left.

    Considering the number of homes this family owns, and the time away from any given premises, why in the hell doesn’t he have them outfitted with tankless water heaters (though the link questions the economic aspects)?

    If Ann’s telling the truth about this, it’s just another reason to keep this neurotic fopdoodle away from the office of the president.

  58. 58.

    Steeplejack

    September 26, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    @PurpleGirl:

    Yes, that’s pretty much my nightmare right there.

  59. 59.

    Steeplejack

    September 26, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    I’ve been checking my on-line accounts for any untoward activity.

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