In the previous thread I posted, certain people were all over me for not having a life on Friday. I found this amusing, because as I was writing that post, there were 15 people in my house for our usual Friday night party and pot luck. We had lots of good eats and dozens of bottles of wine and we will rock out for a couple more hours. So I whipped up some signs that say, well, you can read them:
Click to embiggen. Y’all really need to stop worrying about me. I have a fucking great life.
BTW- my mother was standing behind me and refused to hold a sign, not because it had the word “FUCK,” but because she felt there should be a comma before haters.
*** Update ***
I am just loving this. Here are the ladies reacting to the comments on the previous picture:
The comment that got them all hysterical was “Although, the girl on the right side with the 7th grade HomeEc imitation Native American Belt and maroon faux-leather boots with tiny gold beads does intrigue me somewhat. She has a nice smile. Kind of mischievous.”
The belt is from Peru, the boots are real leather from Sweden, and the wry smile is just her being mischievous, as always. I’m just sitting here cracking up looking at them read the comments about them, thinking- “Hey, welcome to my world, when every picture is super scrutinized to death.”
I can assure you- no one here is wearing faux-leather or HomeEc belts.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
Your mother is cool.
Joseph Nobles
Marshall McLuhaning never gets old.
Also, you couldn’t have printed one with a comma for your mom?
jrg
I like the dude in the middle. He doesn’t need to kill trees to say “fuck you”. He can do it his own damn self.
Comrade Mary
Your mother is, fucking, awesome.
(Wait, I did that wrong…)
Mr Stagger Lee
COLE PWNS YOU!!!!
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
Your mother has a point. Though the sentence (and sentiment) succeeds either way.
jl
Thanks for the ‘before’ pic.
Thanks in advance for the ‘after’, which I await eagerly.
And, that snack bowl needs to be refilled. Just sayin’.
Baud
That’s very Samuel Jackson of you, Cole.
The Dangerman
Your Mom is correct; there should be a comma.
I wonder how Victor Borge would have read “Fuck You, Haters!” in his “inflationary language”?
/deep thoughts
Comrade Mary
Oh, and congratulations for having both Joseph-Gordon Levitt and Amy Mann at your shindig. Lily seems very taken with Amy.
Gravenstone
That’s our Cole. And the art of greeting via middle finger is sadly underutilized in this country.
MobiusKlein
@The Dangerman: Correct.
John, you should listen to your mother.
Comrade Javamanphil
Your mother is a Hopkins Lax supporter, right? Other than that, she’s perfect.
Bruce S
How the fuck can you live with yourself, partying like this when Conor Freidsdorf and Glenn Greenwald are busy at their computers being wrong about shit ??!!??!?!?!?!!!!
TaMara (BHF)
I love your mother.
Lurker
I agree with your mom, too.
Nancy Darling
So you’re calling your Mom a pedant, Cole? Some of us have standards.
Linda Featheringill
Underneath the protective cloak of all those Fuck You signs, our John allows a picture of himself to be taken and published.
We’re making progress. Hooray for John!
And you do need a comma there.
General Stuck
WOW. That is all.
Donut
I think the people mocking John Cole for supposedly having no life doth protesteth to mucheth.
Jade Jordan
F****ing Awesome for hillbillies.
gnomedad
@The Dangerman:
And phonetic punctuation for the comma (cluck) of course (sput)
Fuck you (cluck) hniners (fssss) (sput)
Dr. Loveless
The bearded guy on the left in the green shirt is cute. Is he single? And gay?
(Hell, I’m spending a Friday night crushing on Cole’s friends. I must REALLY have no life.)
chopper
oh, so you were busy hanging out with your mom. rock on with your rocking’ life, cole.
i kid. because i love.
raven
You need a better camera.
Tractarian
You sound like a really nice guy.
Linnaeus
Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?
Kristine
@Dr. Loveless: That’s ok–I kinda fixed on the tall guy in the North Face vest.
I freely admit to having no life.
Anatoliĭ Lъudьvigovich Bzyp (Mumphrey, et al.)
Uh, so, what the hell? People who are sitting at their computers on a Friday night reading your blog are on your ass about you “not having a life”? Something seems amiss here, but I can’t quite put my finger on it…
eemom
Actually I don’t give a shit what kind of life you have. The actual target of my comment was the SIXTH FUCKING POST on Conor fucking Jerkdorf — which by the way said exactly nothing that the other FIVE didn’t say.
I can see how the subtlety might have eluded you.
ETA: Good evening, Mrs. Cole. [waves politely]
The Dangerman
Upon further review, I call it a 9.5; a mandatory half point deduction for the percentage of women behind either signs or guys (Dude!). Would have be a Perfect 10 with extra credit if your Mom would have passed on the sign, yet given us a double barrelled salute.
Smiling Mortician
@Linnaeus: OK, now you’re just trolling the pedants.
Forum Transmitted Disease
@eemom: it is really all about you, isn’t it?
eemom
@Forum Transmitted Disease:
he linked to my comment, asshole.
dance around in your bones
Dude, I offered to be your girlfriend the other night but had to
disqualifyself-deport myself since I am old enough to be your mom. (My kid is 40).Oh well. It woulda been fun.
suzanne
Your mom’s right. And awesome. I love that she holds herself to such high standards with her profanity.
I used an app recently that analyzed every Facebook status I’ve ever written. I use longer words than 98% of people, and more profanity than 95% of people. I can just say FUUUUUUUUCK and, voila, two birds, one stone, people.
Wiley Cash
Man, I wish we were there! See you next weekend. Play on playas!
YellowJournalism
Your mom is awesome. Your friends are pretty cool, too.
My favourite is the one flipping the bird gangsta-style sideways. I also love that yellow dress the redhead is wearing. Too cute!
Wiley Cash
Man, I wish we were there! See you next weekend. Play on playas!
Steeplejack
@Linda Featheringill:
I don’t think Cole is in that picture.
Corner Stone
People throwing a dozen past their prime Hipsters into the fire probably shouldn’t talk much mess. Especially when they took the time to print out those really unique signs to hold up. That’s fucking sad.
Although, the girl on the right side with the 7th grade HomeEc imitation Native American Belt and maroon faux-leather boots with tiny gold beads does intrigue me somewhat.
She has a nice smile. Kind of mischievous.
Linnaeus
@Smiling Mortician:
It was also an opportunity to gratuitously quote Vampire Weekend lyrics.
Steeplejack
@Linnaeus:
That’s not an Oxford comma, you unlettered nitwit!
/rageaholic pedant
JPL
Tonight there will be tweets.
Jay in Oregon
Shorter John Cole:
http://is.gd/NQcEym
kwAwk
If anyone was somehow mistaken thinking Cole doesn’t have a life, I’m sure it has nothing to do with Cole being on here day after day telling us how he’s a reclusive misanthrope who hates all people and never leaves his house except to visit the People’s Republic of Madison 9 times a year.
Linnaeus
@Steeplejack:
I knew someone was going to point this out.
raven
The woman in the yellow dress isn’t Jennifer from Athens?
Corner Stone
@kwAwk: I’m just in awe he knows Natalie Maines.
Steeplejack
@Corner Stone:
That belt is from Stuckey’s!
Do you still have those? When my family was road-tripping in the ’60s we kids used to love to stop at Stuckey’s (prompted by the 200 signs leading up to it) to stock up on pralines, fake Indian bead belts, candy cigarettes and bubble-gum cigars. Good times.
shoutingattherain
So the “Twister” mat is set up just to the right in the dining room?
Corner Stone
@Linnaeus:
If there’s pedantry to be done…Steep is your man.
jl
@Steeplejack:
” I don’t think Cole is in that picture. ”
Cole’s there in spirit. Fer sher.
different-church-lady
Oh, I get it now: you run this blog just to entertain your friends. I feel used.
Corner Stone
@Steeplejack:
Isn’t that kind of like Home Ec class for people in West By God Virginia?
Forum Transmitted Disease
@eemom: proving my point.
Steeplejack
@Corner Stone:
Well, the belts must be made somewhere . . .
mcd410x
Noun of address (haters) takes a comma! As in:
Fuck you, asshole
dance around in your bones
@Steeplejack:
Oh man, we used to road-trip all over New Mexico in our family station wagon, stopped at a million ‘trading posts’ and cement tee-pees…..I remember the candy cigarettes. If you did them just right you could blow “smoke” out of them (powdered sugar) and feel very sophisticated at the same time.
Good times, indeed.
Another Halocene Human
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): I thought you haters was like you people?
///
1badbaba3
@mcd410x: Admit it, you left out the period on purpose.
kwAwk
@Corner Stone:
lmao And the skinny version of Natalie Maines to boot!
dr. bloor
I’m in love with all the women and I want to be all the men.
JR
You appear to hang out with an unreasonable number of attractive women. Good for you.
JR +pretty much a whole bottle of viognier
Steeplejack
@Corner Stone:
I must get back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.
Atticus Dogsbody
@Linnaeus: Not to be a pedant, but you left out “/rageaholic pedant” from the blockquote.
Yutsano
@Steeplejack: I was told we don’t make anything in the US anymore. So the belts must be made in China.
Corner Stone
@Steeplejack: Aww man, I would never say that represents you in any way. I’m pretty sure you don’t type left handed.
Rekster
@Anatoliĭ Lъudьvigovich Bzyp (Mumphrey, et al.): FTW!
Mr Stagger Lee
So will there be an orgy later on,just asking?
Joel
Your mom’s right, dumbass.
Ms. D. Ranged in AZ
@dance around in your bones: Well I am 42 and have considered propositioning Mr. Cole myself. Alas I am stuck in the land of
libertyloonies (AZ).Comrade Mary
Re the update: are those women casting a frosty spell on your laptop screen? And can they teach me how to do it?
Comrade Mary
@Corner Stone: Dude, read the update. I don’t think the negging is working.
jl
Nice pic. Pretty ladies. Thnx.
But…
“dozens of bottles of wine and we will rock out for a couple more hours.”
That ain’t after.
Not sure if I will be on late enough to catch the after, but you people don’t let Cole pass that off as ‘after’.
22over7
*Waves to everyone*
Go ahead, have one more drink. Somebody should be having a good time tonight, and it’s sure as hell not me.
And for the love of pete, somebody pet the dog.
slag
@Corner Stone: Now don’t you look stupid.
PsiFighter37
@Corner Stone: Someone just got TOTALLY called out by the blogmaster.
Congratulations, sir, on a job well done and on a compliment well played, sir.
PF37 +5 and almost kinda wishing I was at Cole’s shindig
Corner Stone
@slag: I’m a fool for love at first sight. She had me at mischievous.
Linnaeus
@Atticus Dogsbody:
Oh, shit, sorry.
Linnaeus +5 (vodka lemonades)
Corner Stone
@PsiFighter37: I’m glad to see you again. I wasn’t sure you survived the last go round.
Porlock Junior
Alas, though, your Mom is a less well-informed or less flexible pedant than mine was. (That one of these ladies would have used such language, while the other would not, is a mere matter of age.)
“Fuck you haters” does not require a comma unless one is insisting on a particular reading of the sentence — which differs rather microscopically from the comma-free one.
By way of illustration, “Fuck all you haters” does not require a comma, and can ill support one.(*) “Fuck you all haters” definitely wants a comma, with the choice making (again) a fine and probably uninteresting distinction.
(*) Good catch, all you who noticed that certain questions might be answered “Fuck all, you haters!” Irrelevant, however.
This posting contains three errors in composition, just to irritate the grammar-flame haters. Or am I lying?
Ms. D. Ranged in AZ
Cole, I am happy that you have a life. In contrast my night entailed having to eat my delivered wings sans ranch dressing and trying my best to ignore NickJr on the TeeVee. And the highlight of my evening is my 2year olds sense of humor. I sat down in the lazy boy and he came over to me and laid his head down on my bare thigh (it is still too damn hot in
Hellhere). Just as I started to stroke his hair thinking he was being affectionate, he put his mouth on my leg and blew a huge, spitty raspberry. He was so pleased with himself.After I get him to bed I have a very lovely bottle of Malbec to enjoy while I catch up on the Mad Men eps that I missed. I know, I am TOTALLY out of control. Somebody stop me!
PsiFighter37
@Corner Stone: I passed out drunk on the NYC subway once, covered in my own vomit.
Don’t worry, I have survived far worse inebriated circumstances…
Porlock Junior
@mcd410x: True. However, a direct object, e.g., “you assholes” does not.
Gus
Okay, you’ve proven you have a (nice!) social life. Except you’re still checking blog comments when you have a house full of guests. Fer Chrissakes, drink too much wine and enjoy some conversation with them!
dance around in your bones
@Ms. D. Ranged in AZ:
Jeez, you’d think he’d have all the wimmins begging for hisself, based on this blog!
Linnaeus
@Gus:
I suspect we’re the entertainment.
Porlock Junior
Sorry, my edit of 85 failed; but obviously a comma is missing from that. Its placement depends on US versus British convention, the latter being, oddly enough, more reasonable.
suzanne
@Ms. D. Ranged in AZ: Funny, I was trying to enjoy my delivered salad sans dressing, and I’m currently hosting a Phineas and Ferb marathon, as the Elder Little is ill. And you’re right. It’s still waaaaaay too fucking hot.
1badbaba3
Dude, it’s not hate. I think you handle being totally surrounded by West Virginians quite admirably.
Rock on, monstah.
dance around in your bones
@PsiFighter37:
Dude, we kinda expected as much, based on yer drunk-blogging the other night.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
ronin122
Ladies, if you’re still checking the comments, get John laid, and get Tunch’s fat ass on here.
No worries, half the time we just say such things just out of spite of BJ’s king.
eemom
omfg Cole, Corner Stone’s gonna be on the next plane to WV.
slag
@Corner Stone: You and every guy I know. Fun fact: “mischief” comes from “meschever,” which means “to end badly.”
EZSmikzz
Yes, John, but when they dance do your senses tingle with circumstance? –Wait, wait, that’s a Neil Young tune… Yous guys.
Mac G
I love the yellow dress, red boots and the signs obviously, bravo.
EZSmikzz
My comments do not moderate sir.
dance around in your bones
@eemom:
JG, lock the doors NOW.
PsiFighter37
@dance around in your bones: Of course there’s not. It’s almost like a rite of passage
Almost done with +6
Corner Stone
@slag: It never fucking ends “well” amigo. Or else it wouldn’t ever end.
Corner Stone
@PsiFighter37:
So it was a Tuesday, then?
dance around in your bones
@Corner Stone:
No one here gets out alive.
dance around in your bones
@Corner Stone:
Or a day that ends in ‘y’.
Ah, youth. I used to drink like that.
slag
@Corner Stone: Maybe. But that’s still a fun fact. Or, at least, I have fun whenever I relay it.
Corner Stone
Good Sweet Christ Cole. I mean, not that there’s anything wrong it or anything. But you have About Face in your den bookcase?
Ms. D. Ranged in AZ
@suzanne: @suzanne: I actually like Phineas and Ferb. So, you are in the land of the loonies too? What part? I am in Valley O Sun, NW valley.
Steeplejack
@Corner Stone:
Maybe you should accompany me to the Android’s Dungeon.
dance around in your bones
@Corner Stone: You are parsing the pictures far too intently.
And you made me google ‘About Face”. Damn you, sir.
Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (IrishGirl)
@dance around in your bones: Maybe he does and he’s fighting off the chicks but playing it all humble like
Morbo
That towel looks like it has seen better days.
Ash Can
So which one of the fellows in the photo is Conor Friedersdorf?
dance around in your bones
@Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (IrishGirl): Hmm….so he’s just goofing on us, no?
In reality, he’s a majah playa.
Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (IrishGirl)
@dance around in your bones: Yeah or he thinks all these women hitting on him are a) not serious, 2) crazy chicks, or c) both.
Seriously, I am probably not Cole’s type…I’m no one’s type (she says her voice full of self-pity). I am on Match but don’t even bother to go there anymore. I give up. I just can’t find a man who can keep a job, can communicate his feelings in a healthy way and isn’t intimidated by me (oh and doesn’t mind that I have young kids). Maybe when I’m 60 and the kids are out of the house I will start dating again. End of pity party. ;)
fuckwit
Wow, the gal in the yellow dress really is very cute.
Debbie(Aussie)
What a wonderful looking bunch of friends. Hope you continue having fun.
Sadly, I have isolated myself over the past decade and can truly say I have no friends, (close family relationships only). Depression sucks.
amk
All the wimmin are hawties. That includes your mom.
amorphous
Why, helloooooooooooooo ladies!
My name is amorphous, been commenting here for several years now, so me an John are like totes homies, and I also am not going to vote for Obama on principle: I don’t like his breed of dog.
Hit me up!
amorphous
upstate NY
living near the area with the trees
James E. Powell
For the record, I’ve never said anything about your social life. I do know that you eat better than I do.
dance around in your bones
@Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (IrishGirl): Oh honey, I can relate.
I lost my husband of 40+ years recently, and when my family suggested that maybe I could look around, I just recoiled in horror.
I mean, none of the guys my age are appealing (too many failed relationships) and the younger guys would prolly be repelled by my squashy tummy and etc – I still like to look at the young guys, however.
Ok, I am a letch. A letchess?
PurpleGirl
@amorphous: living near the area with the trees
Are the trees the right height?
JoyfulA
@Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (IrishGirl): Keep commenting on blogs, with no intent to “Match.” That’s how I met my current husband 9 years ago.
Suffern ACE
@dance around in your bones: Nah. You’re just a little boy crazy. Nuttin wrong with that.
amorphous
@PurpleGirl: About yay high. Having bark and a system of roots and whatnot.
dance around in your bones
@Suffern ACE:
They so pretty :)
P.S. I look in a discreet manner. All my kid’s friends are surfers and buffy bike riders and all.
Discreet.
Sarah, Proud and Tall
@Debbie(Aussie):
Internet friends count too, you know.
Suzan
Is that Joe the Plumber on the left?
RedKitten
@Sarah, Proud and Tall: Internet friends absolutely count. I have a close-knit group of women who I met in a mommies’ group, and we now chat on FB daily. I live in a tiny village and have very few friends within a day’s drive, and my best friend who lived in Ontario, passed away this May. So my online posse keeps me sane — we’ve been there for each other through births, deaths, divorces, job crises, bad hair days, and anything else life has thrown at us.
Hell, I considered our own Cole a friend long before I even knew what the fucker looked like.
Odie Hugh Manatee
“The belt is from Peru, the boots are real leather from Sweden…”
IOW she’s an elitist lefty who probably knows someone from Hollywood. Why is that other young lady using a choke-hold on Lady?
Violet
John, your party looks like fun and your friends have a great sense of humor. To the girl in the yellow dress: I love your dress! Looks great on you! Love that we got a bonus shot of Lily. Aww…love her.
Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (IrishGirl)
@dance around in your bones: Oh, honey letch away. I did have, for a while, a young hottie (he was 37) chasing me (he liked older and curvy). I played that up for a while when I got tired of all the play but none of the real, if you know what I mean. You could find someone to fool around with and there’s not a damn thing wrong with it. Nor is there anything wrong with just letching. Don’t let anyone pressure you.
In the long run just fooling around isn’t what I want. Such pleasures are too fleeting, like eating too much cotton candy and ice cream at the state fair. Fun for that brief time but not good for the long haul. And after you’ve been to that rodeo enough times, you kind of figure out that it’s easier and better to not even get that first cotton candy. But no matter what age a woman is, a good man is hart to find.
eemom
@dance around in your bones:
Always have wanted to be Mrs. Robinson, meself….and did manage it once, for a brief, indiscreet interlude.
Debbie(Aussie)
@Sarah, Proud and Tall: Thanks Sarah. Am working on that :) really like the people here at BJ, a complicated politically knowledgable crew with fierce liberal views. My kind of people. People who care about Others.
John Cole
@Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (IrishGirl): Don’t sell yourself short now, miss hotness.
Available is 80% of the game when you hit my age.
dance around in your bones
@Ms. D. Ranged in AZ (IrishGirl): I just had such a good thing for so long….it’s hard (heh) to think about another (real) relationship.
I expect I’ll get over that, eventually. ‘Til then, I will freely letch away.
@eemom: Jesus loves you more than you will know. Wo wo wo.
Maybe I’ll get lucky. Ho ho ho.
Violet
@dance around in your bones: No reason you need a real relationship. A casual meeting for coffee, a date, a dinner, a romp in the sack. Any or all of the above, or more are perfectly acceptable. There’s no right or wrong way to go about it.
From what you’ve said of your husband, it sounds like he’d want you to live your life and enjoy it. Don’t be afraid to honor him like that.
dance around in your bones
@John Cole:
You’se a baby at 40 whatever. I think available is 80% of the game at whatever age. All the good guys were taken LONG ago. Sigh.
Not that I’m actually looking at this point, regardless of my recent offer to be yer girlfriend.
dance around in your bones
@Violet:
Well, if he was still around, he’d fucking kill me. I don’t know what he’d think now – he hasn’t appeared to me since he died, the fucker.
But, you’re right – he was a kind and gentle man, from the first day I met him. He’d probably want me to get on with my life in whatever way makes me happy.
So, come on, excellent dudes!
Punchy
$1000 Ameros if can bed the split tail in da yellow sundress.
Yutsano
@RedKitten: Immensely less than three you too dear. :)
nellcote
@amorphous:
Aspens?
M. Bouffant
@Suzan: Beat me! Glad I checked first.
Arclite
John G Cole, hosting a parh-tay with a bunch of hotties.
Maude
I went to bed early because I have a cold. I missed all the fun.
different-church-lady
Yeah, okay, you gonna hook her up with Corner Stone or what?
Jay in Oregon
Holy crap, people read this site?
Steve
John – you should monetize your Friday pot lucks – seems like several people would pay through the nose to enjoy the company of some of your guests.
Cain
Hey it’s great that you have a bunch of friends to hang out with. Best wishes.
yeah, okay, I didn’t snark. I hope I don’t get kicked out.
Kittehs to the rescue
I actually imagined Cole’s parties were more like this: http://imgur.com/bbaAu
Corner Stone
@different-church-lady: Finally! Someone asks the tough questions!
Corner Stone
@Kittehs to the rescue: I…uhhh…umm. I’m not sure I really want to know how one comes across a picture like that.
I mean, I’m aware of Rule 34 and Sullivan and Cole’s closet and all that. But this was a level or three beyond all that.
Thanks? I guess?