Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

There is no right way to do the wrong thing.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

They are not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

You are either for trump or for democracy. Pick one.

I am pretty sure these ‘journalists’ were not always such a bootlicking sycophants.

Today in our ongoing national embarrassment…

Second rate reporter says what?

We’re watching the self-immolation of the leading world power on a level unprecedented in human history.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

Let the trolls come, and then ignore them. that’s the worst thing you can do to a troll.

People are complicated. Love is not.

The snowflake in chief appeared visibly frustrated when questioned by a reporter about egg prices.

The real work of an opposition party is to oppose.

“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

If ‘weird’ was the finish line, they ran through the tape and kept running.

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

Trump’s cabinet: like a magic 8 ball that only gives wrong answers.

No Kings: Americans standing in the way of bad history saying “Oh, Fuck No!”

One lie, alone, tears the fabric of reality.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

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64Comments

  3. 3.

    freelancer

    We can’t all be Geena Davis, Cole.

    And don’t talk to me like that Assface, I don’t work for you, yet!

  5. 5.

    piratedan

    another moment in network news history as Faux News forgets to install a delay while performing a breaking news segment where a high speed chase ends up with the driver committing suicide on live TV. Obviously these guys aren’t that great at handling anything that they don’t manufacture themselves.

  6. 6.

    Violet

    No idea what that was from. Have never seen that movie. Don’t like Chevy Chase all that much, so that’s probably why.

  10. 10.

    joeyess

    @John Cole

    what I learned is that not everyone understands what you mean when you say “Love your body, Larry” in place of goodbye.

    I can’t imagine why. What with you only in your jocks and a Peruvian belt.

  16. 16.

    different-church-lady

    Dude, a lot of older people have paid good money to have the bits of their brains that remembered Fletch surgically removed.

  20. 20.

    James E. Powell

    I get a similar response when I say “Stay gold, Ponny Boy.”

    I mean, I thought everybody read that book.

  23. 23.

    chris

    Mark Hamill is now older than Alec Guinness was when they started filming Star Wars.

    Pass me the booze, please.

  25. 25.

    karl

    Old? Aren’t you, like, 40? You could be my illegitimate son or something, not that I have one. I don’t. And even if I did he wouldn’t look like you — that’s not an insult, we just don’t look alike. But that’s not the point, the point is… What’s your question again?

  26. 26.

    JGabriel

    __
    __
    Violet:

    No idea what that was from.

    Me neither, which led me to first conclude that John’s “I hate being old” was actually a typo for “I hate being odd.”

    Erroneously, I’m guessing, but not 100% sure.

    .

  31. 31.

    Jamie

    I just went to a job interview today. The grey hairs in my goatee (yes, I’ve worn it since college since before your were born and it wasn’t cool so go card-loom a sock and shove it in your mutton hole) seemed to attract attention.

    Tech don’t like 40 year olds so much.

    Time to sell sock monkeys on eBay.

  32. 32.

    Narcissus

    I’m more of a “Sugar, Mr poon?” man myself

    Some people just don’t “do” movie quotes

    I don’t how those people live

  39. 39.

    karl

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    Is that a joke? If so, I don’t get it. Are you making fun of me? Show some respect!

    Besides, I don’t eat fast food — I make my own tasty, old-timey burgers in the privacy of my own, god-given, home. With real beef, real cheese, real mushrooms, deliciously real bacon, and non-iceberg lettuce (yeah, that’s real, too) — top that, fast food chain!

    I’m an American, dammit, so don’t make me come over there.

  40. 40.

    RossinDetroit, Rational Subjectivist

    @Jamie:

    I just went to a job interview today. The grey hairs in my goatee (yes, I’ve worn it since college since before your were born and it wasn’t cool so go card-loom a sock and shove it in your mutton hole) seemed to attract attention.
    Tech don’t like 40 year olds so much.
    Time to sell sock monkeys on eBay.

    I’m 53 and I just started probably the last tech job that will have me. And I have entirely white hair. I used my age as a selling point and it kinda worked. OTOH, it’s probably not easy to find qualified people who will travel 280 days out of the year.
    Insomnia blows. 3 hours of sleep under my belt and 15 hours of travel ahead of me. I sure hope I get out of Mexico today. It’s been groovy but I really really need my own bed & blanky very soon.
    Worn out & bumming in Puebla.

  42. 42.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @karl: If you come here, please bring a burger. They sound delicious.

    You had asked what Cole’s question was, right? I was offering a suggestion.

  43. 43.

    RossinDetroit, Rational Subjectivist

    Jesus Christ there is a goddamn earthquake happening here right now. Holy FUCK!

    eTA: and it’s over. I hope. FSM get me out of there in one piece and I will have Ramen for lunch for a month I promise.

  45. 45.

    RossinDetroit, Rational Subjectivist

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I’m in Puebla, Mexico. Apparently there was a biggie in ’09. The volcano outside town was kinda extra-smoky today so maybe that means something.

  49. 49.

    RossinDetroit, Rational Subjectivist

    Sirens, all of a sudden, but the lights are all still on and the traffic is still moving. Maybe this explains all of the very low architecture in town.

    Things got very wobbly for about 30 seconds and I heard the elevators abruptly stop. This is probably routine but my nerves are frayed and it wouldn’t take a lot of seismic activity to freak me out.

  51. 51.

    ? Martin

    USGS says there was a 5.8 about 200 mi south of Mexico City. If it was wobbly, it was far away. 200 mi is pretty far to feel a 5.8. No biggie. I bet that smoky volcano next to you hardly noticed.

  53. 53.

    dance around in your bones

    @Yutsano: Gosh, if only I HAD one!

    “You can subscribe for only $19.99 per week, plus shipping and handling ($39.99) AND get your very own refleshlight for FREE!”

  55. 55.

    Anne Laurie

    @RossinDetroit, Rational Subjectivist:

    Things got very wobbly for about 30 seconds and I heard the elevators abruptly stop.

    Hah, the only time I’ve been through an earthquake was back in Michigan! I was somewhat alarmed, because there was renovation work being done on the floor right above my office & I thought the contractors might’ve brought down a load-bearing wall. It felt as though the entire building had just been driven over a rumble strip, but a few minutes later someone burst in yelling OH MY GOSH THE NEWS SAYS THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE!…

  56. 56.

    Yutsano

    @Anne Laurie: I have yet to live through an earthquake ever. And I went to high school west of Seattle and spent some of my childhood in California. I feel cheated.

  59. 59.

    TheMightyTrowel

    @Yutsano: I went through one in CA (4.6) the only time I ever went to CA and then slept through one here in Australia about 4 months ago (but that was only like 3 or 2.9 so it was normal to sleep through it)

  60. 60.

    NotMax

    Old enough to be your father and have never once heard that expression.

    So you’d best go wash your mouth out just in case, whippersnapper.

  63. 63.

    RossinDetroit, Rational Subjectivist

    The earthquake was a big nothingburger. Apparently I was the only person with a cup of coffee right in front of his face at 2:13 am when it hit.
    I’ve made it to Monterrey, wherever that is (note to self: Google Monterrey, Mexico during 5 hour layover.)
    With luck I’ll be home in less than 8 hours!
    Cheers

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