Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

Joe Biden can go out like FDR, not by dying in office, but by crushing the fascists.

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you don’t.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

The frogs are rarely mistaken.

The republican speaker is a slippery little devil.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

Every reporter and pundit should have to declare if they ever vacationed with a billionaire.

T R E 4 5 O N

Republicans: “Abortion is murder but you can take a bus to get one.” Easy peasy.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

These days, even the boring Republicans are nuts.

Never give a known liar the benefit of the doubt.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

He really is that stupid.

A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.

GOP baffled that ‘we don’t care if you die’ is not a winning slogan.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

“Loving your country does not mean lying about it’s history.”

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Reader Interactions

112Comments

  5. 5.

    debit

    Am I the only one in Minnesota experiencing audio issues with the Vikes game? There’s either audio coming from the actual stadium announcer on top of the TV crew or the stream switches to Spanish. Annoying, and making a crappy game even crappier.

  6. 6.

    Raven

    @AT: I’m thinking with tension kind of high on the women’s issues that probably isn’t the greatest idea. How about “beg her to stay”?

  7. 7.

    S. cerevisiae

    Skol Vikings!

    But you gotta do better than this. C’mon guys, the offense has to move the ball forward

  9. 9.

    BD of MN

    Not only are the Vikes playing terribly so far, Comcast here in the Twin Cities is having audio problems with porting the NFL Network over to the local channel. We currently have both English and Spanish play by play simultaneously, with the occasional flop back and forth…

    And now that TB scored a TD as I”m typing this, I’m very disappointed that I didn’t hear GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLL on the Spanish audio…

  10. 10.

    JPL

    BTW Clemson is playing Wake Forest also. Of course, some might ask why is Clemson playing Wake Forest but that might be a discussion for another day. It’s all about the bowls right…

  13. 13.

    Randy P

    Feed a dog a Milk Bone and you feed them for five minutes. Let them learn how to get the cabinet open where you keep the Milk Bones and you’ll feed them really REALLY well for five minutes.

    My parents’ dog had that one figured out. Yet they still continued to keep the box in the floor-level cabinet.

  17. 17.

    ranchandsyrup

    You ever do beer can chicken Cole? I like everything that goes with roasting–the veg, pan drippings, etc. but the beer can chicken is much juicier.
    Your ladyfriend is cool. It’s like you’re all grownzed up.

  18. 18.

    debit

    Oh god. Vikes are doing what they always do when it’s a nationally televised game; fucking up in incredibly awful ways. Why do I do this to myself?

  21. 21.

    S. cerevisiae

    Q: What do Billy Graham and the Minnesota Vikings have in common?

    A: They can both make 60,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ!”

  22. 22.

    Raven

    @Anya: Remember the party pics he posted before the convention? A nice looking young lady had a western style belt and cowgirl boots and some dope made a comment that they were from Stuckeys. She was a little young for Cole though, undergrad I think.

  23. 23.

    Rosie Outlook

    I would like to have the wedding live-blogged on Balloon Juice. And ban that fvcking disgusting troll, please. Kthxbai.

  24. 24.

    max

    She is also spoiling my dogs rotten. They’ve had more treats in the last week than they have in six months. There’s gonna be an uprising when she leaves.

    To rise up against, said animals have to be able to *move*! I’m pretty you’ll be able to roll Tunch downhill (his tiny protruding limbs not being any hindrance to high speed), if he packs on anymore weight.

    I’m pretty excess flab is going to keep the FoxNewsNation on the couch when the Black Helicopters comes.

    max
    [”Honey! Fetch my shotgun!’ ‘Fetch it yourself!’ ‘I’m too tired!’ ‘You’re too fat!’ ‘Shit. Wonder who’s on Leno?”]

  27. 27.

    trollhattan

    She is also spoiling my dogs rotten.

    Does a spoiled dog know it’s being further spoiled? I think this is a task for Descartes.

  28. 28.

    Raven

    @max: I had some neighbors when I lived out in the country. They were from Alabama and one night the man came running over yelling for me and saying “fire, fire”. I ran next door and his wife and daughter were sitting on the couch when I ran in, “where’s Joe?” is sez. “Oh, he’s upstairs trying to put out the fire”! I swear to god.

  29. 29.

    BGinCHI

    This Thursday on Bravo: John Cole’s Girlfriend Experience.

    It’s Top Chef meets Taxicab Confessions.

  31. 31.

    trollhattan

    Sweet romping Ronnie Reagan on a Roomba, is there anything Fox can’t ruin? WTF is this, a beezbol game or a chat show?

    Beginning to think CSPAN should do sports.

  32. 32.

    BGinCHI

    @trollhattan: You just said exactly what I said to Mrs. BG. Romo is cool and all but for fuck’s sake, do they just not like baseball?

    Call the fucking game. You aren’t even very good at that, but it’s your job.

    I should have the radio broadcast on, but I’m too lazy busy.

  34. 34.

    BGinCHI

    @trollhattan: You just said exactly what I said to Mrs. BG. Romo is cool and all but for fuck’s sake, do they just not like baseball?

    Call the fucking game. You aren’t even very good at that, but it’s your job.

    I should have the radio broadcast on, but I’m too lazy busy.

  36. 36.

    Jewish Steel

    What’s worse than the Obama ad Cole’s spoiled pets is some people really like it them. We live in a fallen, depraved world destined for the fire.

  38. 38.

    BGinCHI

    Double post courtesy of WP. I only sent it once. WTF?

    For the thousands of dollars I pay for this blog every month you think the service would be better.

  39. 39.

    The Dangerman

    @Anya:

    …Cole doesn’t strike me as someone who would date a girl half his age.

    Any 36 year old (or older) Guy will date a Gal half his age in a heartbeat. Wouldn’t want to risk having the hard earned Guy Card taken away.

  41. 41.

    different-church-lady

    Wait a minute… Fister vs. Bumgarner? Who’s writing this stuff, Bevis and Butthead?

  50. 50.

    Ladyfriend

    Ya’ll are a riot.

    I’m leaving next week. Yes, I hafta. Though I will probably be back. I like it here. Cole is very nice, his family is lovely, his pets are adorable, and this part of the country reminds me that America really is beautiful in places.

    Also, it’s so great being far away from having to give a damn about anybody. Alas, I have to return to Giveafuckistan soon.

    But that day is not today! Ha HA! Or tomorrow. Tomorrow I think I will go visit Cole’s dad and see if I can distract him so he doesn’t try to do more yard work.

    Night, BJ Commentariat!

  54. 54.

    different-church-lady

    @Raven: Wait, no. Tonight? I’m only able to drop in on the game between bouts of preping for tomorrow’s 5am job.

  59. 59.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    I got intrigued by the sort of archaic (it seemed to me anyway) “lady friend”, and Googling it, found some funny entries at Urban Dictionary, for example:

    “Lady Friend: Commonly used term by men fearful of commitment to refer to the woman that they have been dating. This term is usually used to indicate that while he has no intention of being involved in a committed relationship with said woman she is off limits to all other men.”

    This was the most curious one though, possibly created by a labeling mishap but still:

    ““Lady Friend:Created in October of 2004 by an individual named Rafiki of Oregon. When a man, more notably a guy, is going out with a woman but is unwilling to give the relationship a name (e.g girlfriend), the woman is described as a lady friend.”

    So, “robot” would be a synonym, he’s saying.

    And let me just say that no man more notably a guy than JC.

    For me, somehow the term speaks of Kenny Rogers and Commodores songs from the 70s. Though there is an actual perfect song title match for the Byrds, in the 60s.

  64. 64.

    different-church-lady

    @Raven: Jeez. I will never forget the sound of the ball hitting Bryce Florie’s noggin back in 2000. The most sickening sound I’ve ever heard on a sports field.

  65. 65.

    Corner Stone

    @Raven:

    some dope made a comment that they were from Stuckeys

    I didn’t think Steeplejack meant anything negative by it.

  67. 67.

    Baud

    Now that Ladyfriend has gone to bed, anyone else frightened about the prospect of happy Cole and what it might mean for this blog?

    Shudder.

  68. 68.

    trollhattan

    @Raven:
    I cringed at the slo-mo replay. It was no glancing blow, it hit him at an angle not too far off dead square. Guy has my utmost respect, LOLtastic name nonwithstanding.

  70. 70.

    craig

    @BGinCHI: I switched to the SAP. It’s just an ambient mic mix, no announcers, you can hear the plate Ump, and sometimes the House announce system.

  73. 73.

    Raven

    @different-church-lady: I had two buddies, both really great athletes. One was playing short and the other left. Popup went up and they both went full blast for it and smashed their heads together. One shattered his jaw and the other had a severe gash in his scalp. It sounded like two bowling balls hitting each other at 59 mph. I sat in the ER with them and about every 5 minutes they’d look at me, “what happened, where are we”? Scary shit.

    Yesterday I didn’t tell my story about the guy inflating a split ring tire in a shop I was in. I looked at him and walked around a big truck. WHAM! I turned to see the tire hitting the ceiling of the shop bay. I ran around the truck and the dude was GONE. At first I thought he had disintegrated. Turned out he blew his thumb off and gashed his forearm to the bone and took off running. I caught him, dragged him back inside, called 911, stopped the bleeding, applied ice and found the thumb and iced it in a bag. We sat there waiting for the meat wagon and he kept saying “I knew the tire should have been in the cage”. When they got him out if there I started to feel kinda woozy but I held it down. They couldn’t re-attach. I didn’t want to say that when John’s dad got hurt yesterday but I figgered it was the same.

  76. 76.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @BGinCHI:

    For the thousands of dollars I pay for this blog every month you think the service would be better.

    You’re funding John’s pretend secksytime.

  77. 77.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Raven:

    That’s why I said dope and not fucking asshole, know what I mean?

    Easy there, Chief. Go yell at the clouds, get it out of yer system.

  80. 80.

    Corner Stone

    @Raven: I just think Steeplejack deserves a little more benefit there. He contributes almost as much to this blog as Yutsano does.
    Maybe you should calm it down a notch.

  81. 81.

    Ash Can

    Damn, I gotta go shopping for a dress. I can’t wear my fat-mom bluejeans and baggy old D-Bar-D Resort t-shirt to the wedding.

    Or can I?

  82. 82.

    Raven

    @Corner Stone: What the fuck are you talking about? It was an off handed comment about some funny shit that happened a month ago. You’re the one making a big deal about it.

  83. 83.

    Corner Stone

    @Raven: Ever hear about the story of “Porkenstein”? It apparently is the “true” story of The Three Little Pigs.
    It’s what kids are reading these days in school. I’ve got to tell you, it’s kinda messing me up a little.

  84. 84.

    redshirt

    @Ash Can: Since it’s going to be a West Virginia wedding, I hope the Bridegrooms wear some manner of cammo tuxedo overalls. Frilly, I trust.

    Jugband musicians I’d assume, as well. “Here done come the Bride” via jugband would be sublime.

    Also too: The jugs must have “XX’s” on them – The Cole Family Sigil.

  88. 88.

    PaulW

    Watching the Bucs, enjoying the halftime lead, but seriously Tampa’s defense has got to make those blitz attempts work better, if Ponder gets enough time to get the ball to Harvin or Peterson we’re screwed.

    Also, that almost-INT the Bucs had inside the 2:00 mark in the second quarter? GUY HAD POSSESSION AND BOTH FEET IN. DAMN that was an INT, and the Refs screwed the call…

  90. 90.

    Anya

    In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, POTUS on Ayn Rand:

    Have you ever read Ayn Rand?
    Sure.
    _____
    What do you think Paul Ryan’s obsession with her work would mean if he were vice president?
    Well, you’d have to ask Paul Ryan what that means to him. Ayn Rand is one of those things that a lot of us, when we were 17 or 18 and feeling misunderstood, we’d pick up. Then, as we get older, we realize that a world in which we’re only thinking about ourselves and not thinking about anybody else, in which we’re considering the entire project of developing ourselves as more important than our relationships to other people and making sure that everybody else has opportunity – that that’s a pretty narrow vision. It’s not one that, I think, describes what’s best in America. Unfortunately, it does seem as if sometimes that vision of a “you’re on your own” society has consumed a big chunk of the Republican Party.

    H/T: TPM

  94. 94.

    different-church-lady

    Why can’t you people play nice? It’s baseball and food and pooties. Why you gotta do a thing?

  96. 96.

    daveNYC

    Giveafuckistan

    Excellent word.

    Also, I want recipes of this food that you guys are eating. The lamb shanks, this sausage thingie. Dave wants tasty food instructions.

  104. 104.

    danielx

    @BGinCHI:

    I don’t know what you’re complaining about – I had one posted four times this morning and it wasn’t even all that great a post, just more bitching about Richard Moran…er, Mourdock, the shame of the Hoosier State. Evidently WP has gone off the reservation and off the meds. Although I take your point about the absurd amount of money involved…

  106. 106.

    Poopyman

    Dunno whether this is from OfA or is really from a supporter, but it’s a nice succinct compendium. Memorable and memorizable.

  112. 112.

    4jkb4ia

    @BGinCHI:

    Dan Shulman and Orel Hershiser did an outstanding job.

    The Lady Friend cooked, etc.

    I added Psalm 116 on the end of the Shemoneh Esrei this morning. This is an absolutely, unequivocally good thing.

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