Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

We’ll be taking my thoughts and prayers to the ballot box.

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Don’t expect peaches from an apple tree.

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

It’s a doggy dog world.

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

The words do not have to be perfect.

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114Comments

  5. 5.

    PsiFighter37

    Can’t see whatever it was that was posted.

    That said, all set up in Dayton for weekend GOTV. Loving the new polls coming out from Marist saying +6 in OH.

    Bringing it home, baby. Catch you all tomorrow night.

  6. 6.

    Democrat Partisan Asshole

    I get Giant Cole on the front page, regular Cole on this one.

    I’ve spent most of my life elbow-deep in computers, but this site does things that cannot be explained. I think maybe your server is possessed.

  7. 7.

    Jerzy Russian

    I see the picture now. All you need to do is to photoshop out the camera, and that will be a good looking picture.

    For what it is worth, I seem to have the same tiles on my bathroom wall that you have. I got them at Home Depot.

  13. 13.

    Comrade Mary

    HI JOHN! HI! HI! HI! NICE TO SEE YOU!

    (Can you tell I’ve been locked up in my home office all week?)

    Also: FOREARMS! RAWRR!

  14. 14.

    Sargeant Pepper's Spray

    ABL has a changed man on her hands I see. Soon we’ll be getting Scott Brown style spreads from Cole.

  15. 15.

    burnspbesq

    iPad mini? Full of win, AFAIC. Light, thin, fully capable. It actually fits in the pocket of the shorts I have on. I can thumb-type in portrait mode. The display is fine unless you’ve been spoiled by the retina displays (seriously, does anyone with an IQ north of 12 find the lack of HD resolution on a 7.9″ screen a deal-breaker?).

    It’s a keeper. Unless the kid puts dibs on the big one, it’ll be on Craigslist next week.

  22. 22.

    Jay C

    I think maybe your server is possessed.

    Yes: by the evil demon known only by the dread rune that no one may pronounce and still maintain their soul and sanity:

    FYWP !!!!

  26. 26.

    RinaX

    You seem slimmer. Pounds worked off with the ladyfriend? And were you wearing pants when you took this?

  27. 27.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    Ah, there you are. Dude, why do you have such a look of concern? Tunch would be sated long before he got through to the arteries in your arm.

  28. 28.

    Hill Dweller

    @PsiFighter37:

    Loving the new polls coming out from Marist saying +6 in OH.

    Willard’s poll numbers are collapsing. The Village will be despondent.

  32. 32.

    Radio One

    the look of horror on your face combined with the cell phone in the shot. I’m going to add this to one of my favorite images from this election, even if this wasn’t actually you.

  33. 33.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    @Hill Dweller: I’m looking forward to them shifting to the “it’s a blowout! Just like we said all along!” narrative in 3, 2, 1…

  34. 34.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    A beard is not a replacement for a jawline (Venture Bros. reference).

    Seriously, I’m not chivin’ you!

    OK, yes I am. :)

  35. 35.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Radio One: In Cole’s defense, I am a stunningly good looking man, but, if I do a digital self-portrait, I do not look any where near as good as I do if someone else presses the button.

  36. 36.

    Hal

    @PsiFighter37:

    Loving the new polls coming out from Marist saying +6 in OH.

    Does Wolf Blitzer still think this is a tie? I do have to say that Florida is pissing me off, and the national polls are tied, which I know, everyone in the south voting for Romney, though Kos posted a poll showing Romney at 52 Obama at 46 in Georgia. I’m guessing Atlanta is responsible mostly for those numbers.

    Oh, and poor Linda McMahon. 98 millions dollars later and she still can’t get elected. She and Meg Whitman should start a new club with old Michael Huffington.

  37. 37.

    freelancer

    You can crack yourself up all you like. I’m guessing that today was harvest day?

    Also, it’s No-shave November now, so you can’t touch that fucker til December unless you like cancer.

    You’re looking good, dude.

  38. 38.

    Fuck ALL the chickens! (né Studly Pantload, t.e.u.u.)

    Urban Dictionary is our friend:

    Chive 73 up, 61 down

    Referred to as The Chive. A visual, verbal or other means of overtly being stupid in order to gain the attention and acceptance of the opposite sex. This is often seen in males who perform acts of stupidity and loud, brash actions to gain the interest of a lady. Women can be seen doing The CHive by wearing ugly clothes, giant sunglasses and acting stupid to make guys think they are cute. This definition can be heard in detail on various podcasts (My remote Radio, Podocalypse and others)

    Hey, man, whatever works. (All seriousness aside, Cole don’t need no chive; teh wimmins [the worthwhile ones, anyhoo] look to intelligence and wits long before they fret about facial hair.)

    ETAFYWP

  40. 40.

    Scott S.

    Well, you’re better looking than I am. Last time I tried to take a picture of myself in the bathroom mirror, the camera, the mirror, *and* the bathroom all blew up. :(

  41. 41.

    JGabriel

    Checking in from NYC, power finally back after 4.2 days.

    Down: 10/30/2012 8:45 pm
    Up: 11/3/2012 1:00 am

    Did anyone even miss me?

    .

  42. 42.

    Hill Dweller

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: I’m sure some will, but Tapper, Todd, Cillizza, Halperin, Politico(who were trying to call Willard’s pathetic rally the biggest in US history), CNN, Fox, etc. will keep trying to spin the bad numbers. They’ll also look for any bad story from the Sandy aftermath, and try to pin it on the administration.

    NBC released these new polls after midnight for a reason. Hell, Cillizza was pushing a wingnut Mason-Dixon poll that had Willard up 6 in FL. He failed to mention they didn’t poll Hispanics.

    Even if/when Obama wins, the Village will continue to hold him to a ridiculous standard, and ignore the Republican insanity.

  44. 44.

    Comrade Luke

    @burnspbesq:

    Love everything about the mini, but I used to have a retina iPad 3, so I’m having trouble with the display. Not in the “I’m spoiled” kind of way, but more that I think I’m getting some legitimate eye strain trying to read for any length of time (which never happened before).

    We’ll have to see how it goes over a few more days…

  45. 45.

    Redshift

    @Hal:

    Does Wolf Blitzer still think this is a tie?

    Of course! +6 with a margin of error of, what, +/-3? That means we have no idea who’s ahead, right? #innumeracyForever

  51. 51.

    Redshift

    @JGabriel:

    Did anyone even miss me?

    It has been a little quiet around here, especially in the evenings!

    Glad to hear you got through okay. My friends in Hoboken are still without power, and continuing to feed the neighborhood with the contents of their freezer (gas stove, fortunately.)

  52. 52.

    Redshift

    @Hill Dweller:

    Hell, Cillizza was pushing a wingnut Mason-Dixon poll that had Willard up 6 in FL. He failed to mention they didn’t poll Hispanics.

    It seems awfully appropriate for Mason-Dixon to only poll white people…

  54. 54.

    patrick II

    Telegraph.co.uk
    Romney rallies GOP base in the key state of Ohio
    USA TODAY – ‎25 minutes ago
    __
    Presidential candidate Mitt Romney and his wife, Ann, arrive Friday night at a rally in West Chester, Ohio.
    __
    Related Mitt Romney »
    Romney and Ryan rally in Ohio in ‘final push’Los Angeles Times – by Maeve Reston
    __
    Romney Touts Business Background in Presidential BidVoice of America
    __
    Featured:Unemployment rate ticks up: Will it affect the election?

    My first five headlines on Google news.

  58. 58.

    Hill Dweller

    @Redshift: I’d love to see the President win Florida. There is a definite shift toward him, but will it be enough?

    OFA is certainly pushing hard in FL. Clinton, the President, First Lady and VP will all have visited multiple times in the 4 days leading up to election day.

  59. 59.

    BruceFromOhio

    No link yet, Rachel Maddow had Nate Silver on tonight. After the discussion on the obvious, she asked, “How are *you* doing?” It was such a relief from the clap-trap found just about everywhere else.

    I felt sorry for Nate, dude does not seem cut out for the spotlight. And reminded I was of how profoundly awesome is Rachel.

  60. 60.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Genine: Hetero, yes. Single, yes. All I was saying is that photos tend to look better if someone else takes it. One never gets the angles right if one does a selfy.

  66. 66.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @BruceFromOhio:

    I saw that, Silver looked tired but holding in there. I hope his appraisal of the election is right on because I want him to be in the position to serve all of the crow he can to the Village doubters and Teahadist assholes.

    That and Obama wins!

    Seriously, Nate is getting a rash of shit from a bunch of shitheads. I told my wife last night that if Nate was saying Obama was losing then, while I wouldn’t like it, I would believe it.

    With Nate it’s the numbers that matter, not the man.

  68. 68.

    JGabriel

    __
    __
    Redshift:

    Glad to hear you got through okay. My friends in Hoboken are still without power …

    Hope they get it back soon. As irritating as the lack of electricity, heat and hot water has been for the past four days (and it is entirely annoying and wearying, especially when the temps get below 50F), I always kept in mind that there were a shitload of people in flood zones who had it much worse, and people in less urban areas who would be going w/o power for much longer. I feel for them.

    .

  69. 69.

    BruceFromOhio

    @Odie Hugh Manatee: Meh, it’s Rovian to the core – hate the message, attack the messenger. Six days from now the rightfreaks will be on to other targets, hopefully lots of other targets.

    Maddow will still be awesome, and Silver will still be correct.

  70. 70.

    gwangung

    OT: GODDDAMMMMIT. These fucks are trying it EVERYWHERE.

    “”It’s been reported that King County GOP is *offering to collect and return voters’ ballots.*

    “We recommend that voters return ballots to an official King County Elections ballot drop-off location or through the US Postal Service. Voters may use the online ballot tracker to confirm that King County has received their ballot.”

    http://www.kingcounty.gov/elections.aspx

    You even mention you’re a Republican within 100 yards of me and I am running towards you to KICK YOUR ASS.

    ETA: Sorry, but I am just TIRED of these mother fucking Republicans trying to fuck us over in this mother fucking country.

  72. 72.

    JGabriel

    __
    __
    WaterGirl:

    Any good stories to tell us?

    Moderately illuminating stories, but I’m really too je ne sais quoi at the moment to do them any justice. I will do a plug for NY Sports Clubs though, who generously let people in the blackout zones use their showers. Thank you, NYSC.

    .

  75. 75.

    amk

    @BruceFromOhio:

    Looks like silver is sticking the shiv and turning it exquisitely.

    @ 9.10pm. He had the kenyan muslin usurper with 303.7 with his at 81.4%.

    Now, barely after 5 hours, it’s 305.3 and 83.7%.

  76. 76.

    Ruckus

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    I got that point, unfortunately for me, pics of me are never flattering no matter who takes them. I’ve been told that I look OK, good in fact, it just never shows in pics. At least not since I was about 12. If I let my beard and hair, when I had it, grow out, I look like Charlie Manson.

    ETA Minus the swastika on the forehead of course.

  80. 80.

    Redshift

    @Hill Dweller:

    OFA is certainly pushing hard in FL. Clinton, the President, First Lady and VP will all have visited multiple times in the 4 days leading up to election day.

    I expect they see a strong possibility, and they’re also realistic enough not to think it’s in the bag. (According to our local staffer, the plan for the campaign was to assume we’re not getting Florida, but she also may have been saying that to pump us up for how important Virginia is.)

    One thing I do trust is that OFA’s data is a lot better than the Romney campaign’s, and they’re much more likely to pay attention to what it actually says and not delude themselves. As a local politician once explained, it’s much better to know exactly where all your voters are, even if it tells you you’re going to lose, than to be in the dark and just guessing where you need to find them.

  82. 82.

    trollhattan

    @amk:
    Oh schnapp, red meat for left coasters–Willard’s chances @16.3%. Lowest I’ve seen.

    Wait…must check Unsquwed Poles.

    Whew, Willard +4.2 and hey, a bonus–Taco’s “Mitt Reagan” from yesterday is infesting this mess. Speaking of which and channeling the preznit in the last debate: the ’90s called and they want their web design back. Blecccch.

  83. 83.

    Crashman

    @amk: I love how he shook the hell out of the sports pundit world, and then just turned around and put the fear of God into our political pundit idiots.

  84. 84.

    The Other Chuck

    @burnspbesq:

    The display is fine unless you’ve been spoiled by the retina displays (seriously, does anyone with an IQ north of 12 find the lack of HD resolution on a 7.9” screen a deal-breaker?).

    Considering you not only get a denser display on a PHONE, but on the competing tablets of the same size and a hundred bucks less? Yeah lemme think about that for a sec.

  85. 85.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @JGabriel: Nope. I didn’t have power for over a week when Isabel came through here in 2003. But now that a post-tropical cyclone (not a Hurricane) hit New York, it’s like the first time a natural disaster happened anywhere.

  88. 88.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Punchy:

    Your mitts are enormous

    How he manipulates that phone with those giant banana fingers is one of the mysteries of the universe.

  91. 91.

    Mnemosyne

    @Ruckus:

    Yep. Whatever the opposite of “photogenic” is, that’s me. The only photos I look okay in are our wedding photos, and that’s because I had a hair and makeup artist and really good photographers.

  94. 94.

    YellowJournalism

    Any Grimm fans think Cole resembles the rodent/groundhog wesen guy who got kidnapped in the last episode?

    And the end of Gwangung’s post just confirms for me that Sam Jackson needs to make a sequel to his “Wake the Fuck Up” in the style of a Snakes on a Plane trailer.

  95. 95.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @YellowJournalism:

    Any Grimm fans think Cole resembles the rodent/groundhog wesen guy who got kidnapped in the last episode?

    He’s sorta got a Grover Norquistian thing going with the lifeless eyes and stoic poses. But I happen to know that he’s always animated and lively IRL, regardless of whether or not he’s getting a tax cut.

  96. 96.

    burnspbesq

    @Comrade Luke:

    I changed fonts and bumped up the size in the Kindle app. In other apps, you can push apart with two fingers to increase size. See if that helps.

  97. 97.

    elaine benes

    @gwangung:

    Gah. I shared the King 5 article warning about these fuckers on my FB feed.

    I was reading earlier about the Republican ballot shenannigans going on down in Clackamas County OR….silly me for thinking that here in solid blue, mail-in paper ballot country we were safe from these cheating scum.

    These rats are everywhere.

  98. 98.

    burnspbesq

    @Comrade Luke:

    I changed fonts and bumped up the size in the Kindle app. In other apps, you can push apart with two fingers to increase size. See if that helps.

    @ The Other Chuck:

    What’s the old line about knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing?

  101. 101.

    Narcissus

    The Chive is one of those sites that just seems to sponge up all my bandwidth as soon I open it.

    I mostly get my porn from tumblr these days

  102. 102.

    hep kitty

    Oh my, those big sthrong handthz!

    But you have a “lady friend” who likes gaming, so I don’t stand a chance.

  104. 104.

    Citizen_X

    Man, you get yourself some, and now suddenly you’re willing to post pics of yer mug. Rock on, Padawan.

  105. 105.

    Lojasmo

    Looking good, cole. You know your phone has a camera on the other side too. Taking pics in mirrors is very 2010.

  106. 106.

    donnah

    You look handsome, and I am glad to see you, John.

    I want a mini, but I just upgraded to the third iPad in March, so it doesn’t make sense to get one now. I use the iPad constantly, so it would be nice to have a smaller, lighter one to carry around with me, but it seems like I might miss the larger screen. sigh.

  108. 108.

    Lymie

    “Keep calm and carry on” from the UK in 1939?

    or, “Find the bastards then pile on?” 11th ACAV?

    I do not grock this chive thing.

  110. 110.

    Comrade Mary

    @Lojasmo: two words: focal length. Unless you are elastic man, most of us have arms too short to get the damn camera far enough away from our faces to avoid the potato nose effect.

  111. 111.

    The Other Chuck

    @burnspbesq:

    What’s the old line about knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing?

    Ah right, it was just a sub par display til it got an Apple logo on it, then ZOMG THE GENIUS OF THE STEVE LIVES ON.

  113. 113.

    FlyingToaster

    @PurpleGirl:

    JC —I like the beard.

    What she said.

    Herr Doktor’s dad once said something to me about his beard, and I said, “If the beard goes, so do I.” He was appalled. Heh.

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