Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

The real work of an opposition party is to oppose.

The Supreme Court cannot be allowed to become the ultimate, unaccountable arbiter of everything.

The unpunished coup was a training exercise.

The words do not have to be perfect.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

We will not go back.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Live so that if you miss a day of work people aren’t hoping you’re dead.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

The fundamental promise of conservatism all over the world is a return to an idealized past that never existed.

I like political parties that aren’t owned by foreign adversaries.

We need to vote them all out and restore sane Democratic government.

Everything is totally normal and fine!!!

Dear media: perhaps we ought to let Donald Trump speak for himself!

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

These are not very smart people, and things got out of hand.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

Fight for a just cause, love your fellow man, live a good life.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

You are here: Home / Organizing & Resistance / Fables Of The Reconstruction / Fun with petitions…

Fun with petitions…

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So a tiny fraction of neo-Confederate losers have directed the awesome power of their pork-rind-dust encrusted keyboards towards the White House citizen’s petition function as a way to express their great sadness at the ass kicking America gave them on Election Day. These simpletons have started petitions asking permission for their State to leave the Union. Once a petition reaches 25,000 signatures, the White House will issue a response (I expect some politely worded dismissive snark, but an amusing gif might be more appropriate).

In response, other citizens are using the tool to mock the impotent keyboard commandos of wingnutopia with petitions like:

Peacefully grant the City of Atlanta leave to withdraw from the State of Georgia and remain part of the United States

Peacefully grant the city of Austin Texas to withdraw from the state of Texas & remain part of the United States

Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America

Strip the Citizenship from Everyone who Signed a Petition to Secede and Exile Them

Somehow, I think there will be more of this stuff as neo-Confederates use social media to throw their pitiful public tantrums and others use it to make fun of them.

Still, like all social media tools, the White House petition tools offers the opportunity for moments of brilliance, like this:

<a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/59124558@N06/8186301245/” title=”punch-grover-in-the-dick by dengre.bj, on Flickr”><img src=”http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8337/8186301245_b0d135fc77.jpg” width=”500″ height=”301″ alt=”punch-grover-in-the-dick”></a>

These kind of things come down quickly as they are just too snarky, but I was glad I got to see it.

How about an open thread…

 

Reader Interactions

108Comments

  1. 1.

    Hill Dweller

    So, McCain skipped a two hour closed-door briefing on Benghazi yesterday in order to hold a press conference to demand more info on Benghazi.

  5. 5.

    hep kitty

    Coral ’em into a big ole fence in the desert, Arizona maybe (do they still have desert land)? Now, we’re not complete savages, so we will be dropping food from helicopters like y’all wanted to do with gay people.

    No federal aid, fend for yourselves while we watch you destroy each other.

    There will be surveillance cameras, not for your protection, but for our entertainment.

    YOU’RE WELCOME

  6. 6.

    Culture of Truth

    The grand two-year experiment is over – the House GOP wants to bring back earmarks. Presumably to deliver gifts to whaa people.

  12. 12.

    Raven

    The ATL better not be leaving Athens behind! In other news, Cirque du Soleil in Atlanta is TOTEM, a show devoted to evolution complete with “the scientist” who is a thinly cloaked Darwin. I sent a FB alert at intermission for someone to contact our knuckledraggin rep to send a swat team!

  14. 14.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Grover Norquist’s head would look much better on a pike than it does on his shoulders.

    Just sayin’.

  15. 15.

    sherparick

    Meanwhile, back in the various states where the Repubs rule, it appears from what I understand is happening in Ohio is that apparently the drubbing that Akins and Mourdock received on Abortion has not quite sunk in an they Teaocrats are all afire for “foetal heartbeat” legislation. Which means from Arizona to Ohio, they all want to become like Ireland. If so, they need to all own this, particularly the Zombie-eyed Granny Starver from Wisconsin. http://echidneofthesnakes.blogspot.com/2012/11/meanwhile-in-ireland-savita.html

  16. 16.

    r€nato

    @hep kitty: funny… our local weekly ‘alternative’ rag published a column on what exactly would be the consequences of Arizona seceding. Turns out a huge part of Arizona is either federal land or Indian reservations*. Basically, most of what would be seceding would be a patchwork quilt of land roughly along the Phoenix-Tucson corridor. Let’s not forget that the Central Arizona Project – a nice, fat piece of Washington pork which guarantees Arizona’s access to its oversized allocation of Colorado River water – is also Federal property.

    No idea how the AZ Legislature would handle compensating the Feds for all this federal property, even if the US government was of a mind to offer it to the secessionist government in return for compensation.

    *incidentally, our wingnut-controlled Legislature put a proposition on the ballot which asserted state sovereignty over all federal lands in AZ. It went down in flames, 2-1.

  19. 19.

    Burnspbesq

    Whaddayamean I only get to punch him once?

    I’d like to re-enact the torture scene from Braveheart with Norquist as William Wallace.

  23. 23.

    Mudge

    I enjoyed the suggestion that all of these folks who want to withdraw from the union renounce their citizenship. That’s the principled thing to do.

    I also liked the cartoon designating the new “country” AngryWhiteMenistan.

  24. 24.

    Southern Beale

    @MattF:

    Note that this, um, informative program was presented to an actual part of an actual state government of an actual state.

    Oh, hell. Not only that but Tennessee’s legislature actually PASSED an anti-Agenda 21 measure … LAST YEAR! We’re way ahead of Georgia.

  25. 25.

    LanceThruster

    These kind of things come down quickly as they are just too snarky

    If snark is outlawed, only outlaws will have snark.

  26. 26.

    Southern Beale

    How about “provide University graduates ability to trade their diplomas back for 100% tuition refunds.”

    Why? Why not:

    Because of the inability of recent college graduates to find gainful employment in order to repay their college debt, and since this college debt cannot be eliminated in bankruptcy, and most of the recent additions to the job market have been in service related industries, the Obama administration should take up the cause of reducing college debt and hold those accountable responsible.
    __
    In the name of Consumer Protection, recent college graduates should have the ability to return the diploma and not make any reference to receiving education from the college in exchange for a 100% refund of college tuition. This may be extended with a graduated (ha, get it?) reduction for the last four years, with a red line at January 20, 2008.
    __
    Courtesy of @IowaHawkBlog, great thinker of our time

  28. 28.

    PeakVT

    Why would anyone want to punch Norquist in the dick? That’s crazy talk. Everyone knows that you punch people in the neck and kick people in the junk.

    Anything else would be uncivilized.

  29. 29.

    LanceThruster

    @Mudge:

    The People’s Republic of Cockblockadoc works for me.

    Douchestainistan…

    Huffandpuffberg…

    Teabaggamaroon…

    CSA! CSA! CSA!

  31. 31.

    peorgietirebiter

    I imagine Grover is more open than ever to making sweet common cause with Jane. Once Dick Armey signs on it should be rocket to grassroots riches and loads of face time with the foxes.

  39. 39.

    Chris

    Heh. Cubano landlord was mewling about secession earlier today – they’re REALLY on about this. Did we bitch nearly as loudly about moving to Canada when Kerry lost? I sure don’t recall it.

  40. 40.

    Eric U.

    was looking for a suitably ironic Agenda 21 T-shirt, but it’s not easy to find one making fun of the true believers

  41. 41.

    LanceThruster

    We need to work on some national mottos…and the “IN GOD WE TRUST” on the $$$ seems a little noncommital.

    “…But Some Are More Equal than Others”

    “The Greatest Country on the Face of the Earth Because ‘Shut Up, That’s Why!'”

  42. 42.

    Francis

    Getting away from medieval shaming techniques, how about interesting Thanksgiving dishes. Who’s got techniques / flavors / side dishes that break the mold (ahem)?

    The best I can offer from my table is popovers instead of rolls. (Otherwise my family is pretty traditional.) Oddly enough, popovers were on the TripleD rerun I was watching last night while making dinner.

    1 tablespoon unsalted butter, plus extra for greasing the pan
    2 large eggs
    1 cup flour
    1/2 teaspoon salt
    1 1/4 cups milk

    mix lightly, add to preheated popover pan, bake till done.

  43. 43.

    The Ancient Randonneur

    @ding dong:

    BP paying 4 bilion dollar fine. Rand Paul has major sad that black man holding boot on Big Oil Corp.

    And I thought lowering gas prices at the pump just prior to the election was a plot by the liberal oil company executives to get the Kenyan Usurper reelected. I really am falling behind on all the latest conspiracy stuff.

  46. 46.

    Uncle Cosmo

    I saw that “deport ’em” petition & what came to mind was an old Phil Ochs song. No time for a full adjustment, but the chorus, suitably amended:


    Here’s to the land you tried to tear out the heart of–
    You Teabaggers, find yourself another country to be part of!

  48. 48.

    Hill Dweller

    @The Ancient Randonneur:

    And I thought lowering gas prices at the pump just prior to the election was a plot by the liberal oil company executives to get the Kenyan Usurper reelected. I really am falling behind on all the latest conspiracy stuff.

    Today’s initial jobless claims report showed a significant jump last week due to Sandy, but Fox is again saying the Labor Department was cooking the books until the election was over.

  49. 49.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @Chris:
    No, but they did much the same when Clinton won. It’s just whining, which I view as a huge improvement over the implacable ‘We will destroy you.’ rage that set in when Obama won his first term. I have strong hopes they’re giving in to despair.

  51. 51.

    JPL

    @Eric U.: Supposedly my state senator John Albers was at the meeting with Chip Rogers. My representative is Tom Price. If Atlanta secede’s from GA, I’m selling my home and moving to the big city.

  52. 52.

    The Moar You Know

    Got to hear Norquist stroking out on the radio about two days ago. He knows that Prop 30 passing in California is the beginning of the end of his goal to “drown government in a bathtub” and was such an asshole about it that even the wingnut who normally hosts finally told him tough shit, that’s what Califnornians voted for. He went into a full mental meltdown at that point, insisting that people will leave the state by the millions despite almost four hundred years of history to the contrary.

  55. 55.

    Anoniminous

    @MattF:

    Any sober analysis of the GOP has to start with the fact 68% of them thinks they can be possessed by demons. I mean, we’re not looking at a group with all their pistons firing.

  57. 57.

    fuddmain

    I suppose it’s nice these nutters can vent their frustration with a pointless petition as opposed to blowing up federal buildings.

    Chuck Woolery was on teh twitter saying people would flock to any state that secedes. I almost replied that it would also dramatically increase the IQ of the remaining states.

  61. 61.

    1badbaba3

    @Hill Dweller: Prez Walnuts prolly sent his Veep in there to bring her considerable intellectual heft and insightful foreign policy ideas to the proceedings. That is, if she wasn’t too busy gettin’ in there an’ makin’ those laws with Congress, don’tcha know, also too, you bet’cha.

    He is very lucky that Obama considers him to be nothing more than an angry, wrinkled little speck not worth the trouble of destroying. Hell, he’ll be dead soon anyway. Though, he should already have died of embarrassment for foisting Grifterella, the Tundra Turd on us. Does he really suppose he’s projecting strength here with this ginned up booshwah?

  62. 62.

    jl

    No Balloon-Juice petition for secession yet?

    It could work, if Cole got his ass in gear on those goats and generators up the holler.

  63. 63.

    LGRooney

    Dennis G.,

    I get the feeling you knew about that petition no more than second-hand. That seems like one of those that would have gone down so fast only the poster, a/o those watching the poster, would have seen it.

  64. 64.

    jl

    @Hill Dweller:

    I want Barry or Joe, or both, to chew McCain and Graham some new holes over their disgusting stunts.

    Seems to me that they are outraged that the US government did not implicitly outsource its investigation to the Libyan government in the first days after the attacks.

  70. 70.

    j

    If the vulture capitalists have their way, in 6 hours Hostess, Winder Bread, Dolly Madison and TWINKIES will cease to exist, unless the unions agree to the third slash in pay and benefits since 2004. They have been working harder and harder for less and less for over 8 years.

    Every time a contract comes up, Hostess pulls this same stunt. “Slash your own throat, or we will do it for you. A shitty paying job is better than NO job, ya dig?” (They are copying Caterpillar’ modus operandi.)

    If the striking unions don’t report to the lines by 5PM (CST) the company will lock the doors and liquidate everything.

    They will sell off the equipment, and the brands, logos, recipes, and factories.

    The management and shareholders will make out like bandits, but 18,000 families will be out of work.

    Capitalism!

  71. 71.

    Roger Moore

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Grover Norquist’s head would look much better on a pike than it does on his shoulders.

    Sorry, but it can’t be repeated often enough; the correct end for Grover Norquist is to be drowned in a bathtub. Nothing else is acceptable.

  73. 73.

    Mnemosyne

    @The Moar You Know:

    He probably also haz a sad that nonpartisan redistricting means Dems now have control of 2/3rds of the legislature and, in accordance with Prop 13, can start passing tax increases.

    Hopefully they won’t go too nuts with their newfound freedom.

  77. 77.

    ? Martin

    @Mnemosyne:

    He probably also haz a sad that nonpartisan redistricting means Dems now have control of 2/3rds of the legislature and, in accordance with Prop 13, can start passing tax increases.
    Hopefully they won’t go too nuts with their newfound freedom.

    Actually, they really should go nuts. Prop 13 and taxes is one of the biggest political issues in California, so the Dems can claim a mandate on that issue.

    If they were smart they’d use their position to reform taxes rather than push for much in the way of new revenues. For example, they now have the power to repeal Prop 13 and replace it with something similar, but more flexible. They can also trade out taxes this way – with mechanisms that will trade sales tax revenue with property tax revenue on a dollar-for-dollar basis. This is important as CA derives most of their revenue from sales tax and the internet has gutted the states ability to realize that tax revenue.

    Mainly they need to fix the tax policy in a manner that makes it more predictable and resilient, without necessarily generating more overall revenue. And they don’t have much time to do it, so they should act quickly.

  78. 78.

    Geeno

    I cannot believe that no BJer has yet suggested to amend the petition to “punch Grover Norquist in the neck”.

  79. 79.

    The Moar You Know

    Hopefully they won’t go too nuts with their newfound freedom.

    @Mnemosyne: Well, I am a bit concerned about that. The CSU system (California has two university systems and this is the shitty one) had to be bitchslapped by Brown on Tuesday for trying to jack up tuition, and is going to have to be backhanded again as they requested Wednesday for a 25% increase in state funding for the coming fiscal year. California K-12 schools and the UC have not asked for such a thing and won’t – the CSU system is run by a bunch of greedy, stupid motherfuckers who don’t understand that this shit looks REALLY bad to a public that’s trying to dig out from a horrendous recession and gives guys like Norquist all the ammo they need to put California schools right back in the fucking poorhouse.

    Brown is smart enough to not allow such horseshit, but he’s almost 75 years old. We’re not going to have him around forever to stop state institutions from doing stupid fiscal shit to easily spooked voters.

  80. 80.

    Comrade Mary

    Just in case no one’s linked Juciy Karkass yet: Punch ’em in the diiiiick

    Waaaay not safe for work.

    Sample lyrics, which obviously need more namedropping:

    Any o’ you snotty kids be talkin’ shit,
    I’ma drop a fist on your naughty bits
    I got punches a plentiful, you bet yer rear end it’ll
    Sting when I start swingin’ on ya genitals,
    Cuz then it’ll swell up, all outta proportion,
    Lookin’ like an eggplant forced in through your foreskin
    Nevermind abortion, forget vasectomy,
    I got yer birth control: POW! Nut check, homey!
    Yo, I’ll punch God in the dick, I’ll punch Mary in the dick
    I’ll punch Jesus Christ in the dick
    I’ll punch Cheney in the dick, I’ll punch Powell in his colon,
    I’ll punch George in his bush, I’ll punch Condoleeza Rice in the dick!!!

  81. 81.

    Mnemosyne

    @? Martin:

    I can’t remember if it was here or on the radio, but I remember someone pointing out that one of the biggest problems with Prop 13 is that it makes the state dependent on income and sales taxes, which by definition are not stable sources of revenue and have a lot of fluctuations, whereas property taxes tend to have less fluctuation.

  82. 82.

    trollhattan

    @ding dong:
    “Reparations! Chicago-style shakedown! Interfering with the Job Creators(tm) (pbut)! War on CoalAwhl! Kill, Baby, Kill!”

    What am I missing?

  83. 83.

    Yutsano

    @Mnemosyne: It’s time to end the commercial property exemption of Prop 13. Or else greatly modify it so that way businesses aren’t just sitting on real estate worth a fortune and paying mere pennies for the privilege. Yes there will be screams about small business and whatnot. Too bad: the state needs the cash and that budget needs fixed so you guys can get the single payer ball rolling.

  84. 84.

    trollhattan

    @Mnemosyne:
    That’s one of the problems, but it’s hard to overstate the impact of increased local dependence on state largess for basic services. The “party of local control” gravely reduced local control with Prop 13.

    Prop 98 is an attempt to maintain adequate revenue to schools, but the sad fact is California has dropped to the bottom five or so in $/student in one of the highest cost-of-living states.

  87. 87.

    danimal

    Amen to Cali reforming the tax code. I most definitely don’t want Dems to go wild with spending on new programs, but I do want Dems to go wild with reforms that will set the state up for continued fiscal stability. Destroy Prop 13 and salt the fields, but do it in a more-or-less revenue neutral fashion.

    There is a mandate for Brown’s fiscal approach, but the State Legislature (about as popular as Congress is) needs to trim their sails if they want to stay in power for more than a few years. Now is not the time to load up the state credit card.

  90. 90.

    trollhattan

    @danimal:
    Jerry watchers understand he won’t be signing any Krazy Drunk Spending Bilz. He has line item veto and is quite disposed to use it.

    The quesiton arises, though, as the budget approaches balance (w/in the next two years) about restoring the vast array of cuts over the last five years. A lot of good programs have been slashed or eliminated.

  92. 92.

    joes527

    What I don’t understand is what do the sons of liberty who are trying to free California from the tyrant of federal government think soul happen if they got what they wanted.

  93. 93.

    The Moar You Know

    @Yutsano:

    Agree with the post. The commercial exemptions are a travesty.

    Yes there will be screams about small business and whatnot

    .

    And they are horseshit and need to be repeatedly hammered as such. Small businesses can’t afford to buy in California anyway, they rent, but even if they could they pay at today’s rates – not the rates that our business landlord pays because he bought a building in 1982. He pays tax on what the building was worth…in 1982.

  96. 96.

    cursorial

    It is a shame the White House can’t get too snarky. I’d love to see them post the responses they deserve. Maybe “Texans’ petition to secede will proceed in the event negotiations to sell the state to Mexico fall through. Signed, O.”

  97. 97.

    The Moar You Know

    Jerry watchers understand he won’t be signing any Krazy Drunk Spending Bilz

    @trollhattan: Not to sound like a fanboy, but I am. Jerry Brown v.1 was pretty awesome, but v.2 is working out to be the best, most responsible politician I’ve ever seen. He knows this state inside out. He knows how government works, inside and out. He is conservative in the original meaning of the term – the “don’t do something until you’ve thought all the ramifications through” meaning, not the “burn it all down” nihilism that started under FDR and has become so virulent through the years. Voting for him is the only vote I’ve never had one shred of regret or doubt about, and I look forward to doing it again if he wants the job for another six years.

  98. 98.

    trollhattan

    @The Moar You Know:
    Well said! I think Jerry and Nancy Pelosi share a committment to public service and governance that stems from their families and life experiences. “Politician” is now a de facto perjorative but not only needn’t be, we should be striving to make it an honorable profession.

    Jerry is so at ease in his own skin and so scary smart. What V2 seems to have is a worldview the young Jerry did not and could not have. That he can run rings around folks half his age–physically and mentally–makes the prospect of getting old a little less daunting.

    It was interesting, leading up to the election, so see folks asking “Why is the governor spending so much time campaigning for Prop 30 at universities?!?” Between his hands-on approach and the adroit late advertising, it went from polling at less than 50% to winning in a couple weeks’ time.

    Dude is wicked smaht.

  99. 99.

    LanceThruster

    @catclub:

    I predict Priebus will be promoted, or get a fat raise.

    In this particular case, I’d support rewarding actions that have helped the cause of all Americans to this extent with a Medal of Freedom from President Obama himself.

    That would be one hell of a photo op. Is it proper for the prez the conclude the bestowing of the medal with a smart, crisp salute? My eyes would be welling up with tears of joy knowing that that man was recognized for just what affect he had on the future of the nation. Without this man, things could have gone so very horribly wrong and I will spend the last of my days being eternally grateful to him.

    RANCE! RANCE! RANCE! RANCE!

  101. 101.

    Brachiator

    @hep kitty:

    Coral ‘em into a big ole fence in the desert, Arizona maybe (do they still have desert land)? Now, we’re not complete savages, so we will be dropping food from helicopters like y’all wanted to do with gay people.

    As far as I am concerned, these wingnuts who don’t want to be part of the United States can self-deport to any other country that will have them. Ya know, kinda like how Mitt Romney’s ancestors did. Only they have to renounce their citizenship. They get no benefits at all of being American.

    Otherwise, this petition shit is a dead letter.

    It’s almost Friday, time to move on to something more important, like the impending stupid putdowns of the Twilight movie fans by sanctimonious boneheads.

    @trollhattan:

    It was interesting, leading up to the election, so see folks asking “Why is the governor spending so much time campaigning for Prop 30 at universities?!?” Between his hands-on approach and the adroit late advertising, it went from polling at less than 50% to winning in a couple weeks’ time. Dude is wicked smaht.

    I think he has a little bit of experience with the job.

    Totally agree with your assessment here.

  103. 103.

    Bubblegum Tate

    @Mnemosyne:

    Hopefully they won’t go too nuts with their newfound freedom.

    I’m less worried about them going too nuts and more worried about them not doing anything at all because of infighting.

  104. 104.

    Bob h

    Move the NASA space flight center and all military bases from Texas, kill the oil depletion allowance, and cancel all military contracts in that state.

  105. 105.

    jimmiraybob

    And then there’s….

    Establish new legal system of motorcycle riding “Judges” who serve as police, judge, jury, and executioner all in one.

    Only 24, 664 votes shy.

    I assume to patrol the security fences around the secessionist states. Don’t want them sneaking across stealing jobs.

    I’ll have to check with the empty chair.

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