Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“Facilitate” is an active verb, not a weasel word.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

The desire to stay informed is directly at odds with the need to not be constantly enraged.

Nothing says ‘pro-life’ like letting children go hungry.

Republicans: slavery is when you own me. freedom is when I own you.

This chaos was totally avoidable.

“But what about the lurkers?”

Sometimes the world just tells you your cat is here.

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

No one could have predicted…

So many bastards, so little time.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires.

The willow is too close to the house.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

You’re just a puppy masquerading as an old coot.

Trump’s cabinet: like a magic 8 ball that only gives wrong answers.

Hey hey, RFK, how many kids did you kill today?

Their freedom requires your slavery.

Rupert, come get your orange boy, you petrified old dinosaur turd.

The press swings at every pitch, we don’t have to.

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Reader Interactions

77Comments

  2. 2.

    Yutsano

    Meh. My licence expires in 2013. Kan I just haz renewal naow plz?

    Also: snowing like mad where I am. I might just be stuck here an extra day or two…

  5. 5.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    Watching Miami-OKC basketball. Damn Hubie Brown,there is a thing called the sun in Miami. He looks like a ghost. Damn I miss hockey.

  6. 6.

    Ted & Hellen

    I don’t get it.

    Why don’t people who bitch and moan about participating in holidays to which they attribute no validity, simply NOT observe them and, you know…shut up?

    ?

  8. 8.

    Yutsano

    @Raven: A extra day or two means until Sunday, because if I don’t leave tomorrow or Thursday might as well wait until then anyway.

  9. 9.

    Suzanne

    I am exhausted. And I probably won’t find out until next week if I passed my exam. On the plus side, I got some Christmas money to buy sheets.

  10. 10.

    gbear

    @Ted & Hellen: Why don’t people who bitch and moan about participating in holidays blog comments to which they attribute no validity, simply NOT observe them and, you know…shut up?

    You knew it had to be coming, didn’t you?

  13. 13.

    Ted & Hellen

    @gbear:

    I asked a valid question. Which is not the same as saying the comment has no validity. Of course you are too dense to comprehend that. Merry Christmas.

  16. 16.

    urlhix

    Xmas was over for me on Sunday. Had a great time at my Dad’s for a change, (only one mildly racist joke lifted from Blazing Saddles. I’m calling it progress.) My brothers fiancee really fits in with our weird family, and I mean that in the best way possible.

    I’ve spent the day pouring over my seed catalogs, making my orders for next year’s planting and watching hoops while my SO is off watching Les Mis. Best Christmas in forever.

  19. 19.

    Suzanne

    @cathyx: Did not get any Legos. My birthday is in two weeks. No worries.

    Each of my girls got a present that made them squeal. It was a joy.

  20. 20.

    Bobby Thomson

    Spent the day with my kids and my separated spouse and her kin. Despite my trepidation, the day actually went really well and much fun was had by all until the end.

  21. 21.

    Citizen_X

    For those of you who are accessing the mobile version of this site, like I am: didja notice that we finally got a working “home” button for Xmas?

    THANK YOU, TUNCH!

  23. 23.

    Rosie Outlook

    Does Balloon Juice have one of those anti-idiot pie filters and if so can someone tell me how to install it, since Santa failed to bring better trolls?

  24. 24.

    Waynski

    On the west coast as we are every year – Napa, CA this year. Watched the nieces and nephew tear through presents early, then breakfast and Mimosas, then a nap. Waiting for turkey to come out of the oven and working on a beer with the basketball on in the background. Couldn’t ask for much else. Merry Christmas all.

  27. 27.

    hamletta

    As an ex-bartender, I hate New Year’s Eve in a very special way. It was always twice the work of a normal Saturday night with only the same money.

    It’s the ultimate Amateur Night: People who don’t know how to drink, how to act, or how to tip. I got fired from one bartending job the day after Thanksgiving, which made for my fondest NYE memory: mopping the bathroom floor and realizing the stroke of midnight had just happened.

    My next bartending job involved working the day shift on NYE. It is the best. I made good money while stocking everything for the night shift. I did my job well, and was able to say to the night shift, “So long, suckers!” with a clear conscience.

  30. 30.

    Suzanne

    @hamletta: I was never a bartender, but I share your hatred for NYE drinkers. I never go out on NYE for that reason. Just cannot handle the endless parade of assholes. I slept through the millennium because I knew it would be excruciating and I thought I’d give it the biggest fuck you that I could.

  31. 31.

    Rosie Outlook

    @hamletta: I was once married to a musician. At the bar-band level, wives not otherwise occupied, like with kids, are expected to show up for big-night performances; I suppose the bar owners figure that if the musician’s wife doesn’t want to listen to him, why would anyone else? I want nothing to do with New Year’s Eve, for the reason you mentioned.

  34. 34.

    Ted & Hellen

    @Schlemizel:

    Why don’t people who bitch and moan about participating in holidays to which they attribute no validity, simply NOT observe them and, you know…shut up?

  35. 35.

    Keith G

    Raven or Sooner, I have a veteran I am trying to assist and I need suggestions. Are y’all around?

  37. 37.

    Origuy

    A story with a happy ending: Blind dog lost in Alaska found.

    FAIRBANKS, Alaska — Blind and alone in Alaska winter temperatures that dipped 40 degrees below zero, a lost 8-year-old Fairbanks dog wasn’t given much of a chance to make it home.
    __
    But after walking 10 miles to the edge of a local musher’s dog yard, Abby the brown-and-white mixed breed was found and returned to her owners, a family that includes three boys under the age of 10.

    Edit: Why do two underscores show up now?

  38. 38.

    Rosie Outlook

    I don’t get this whole troll thing. I cannot see what the big thrill is in annoying a bunch of web site readers, though I suppose it is a cheaper hobby than collecting Impressionist art or Pfaltzgraff dishes or those ridiculously expensive Longberger baskets. We used to have a lot of basket groupies where I work. The Depress–er, Recession put paid to that, unfortunately for the folks who work for the basket co., which has undergone massive layoffs.

  42. 42.

    hamletta

    @efgoldman: True. Was talking to this guy who parks in my church’s parking lot. He runs a Boy Scout troop out of a Methodist church that’s sold Christmas trees for 55 years.

    He always gets a run of Lutherans around Dec. 23, when they’re ready to start giving the trees away to the needy. Someone had to explain that Lutherans don’t decorate the tree till Christmas Eve and leave it up till Epiphany (Jan. 6) — or in my family, Mommy’s birthday (Jan. 10).

    It’s a Christmas tree, not an Advent tree!

  44. 44.

    Rosie Outlook

    @hamletta: Hee. I remember thinking “Does Mrs. Clapton have to put up with this shit?”

    Also too, our basket groupies have switched to Menard’s, a big-box chain like lowe’s or Home Depot. I am beginning to think that if you want to get rich a nd can’t get hired by a vulture capitalist firm, your next best bet is to find a product that appeals to menopausal women who are either divorced or wish they were. Although I am divorced and menopausal myself, I canOnot give you a tip because all this stuff leaves me cold; I have never understood the appeal of expensive baskets, Menard’s, or the other big thing around here, “Amish country.”. I wish I did; I have days when I feel like my co-workers and I are from different planets. (one day when I am really bored I think I will stand up and yell: “Yo! Any other Klingons here?”)

    Money-saving tip: any product sold to you as “Amish” is about as Amish as you are, or else the carpenter’s saw slipped while was working on the item. The Amish sell their good work to each other and pawn the junk off on outsiders who don’t know the difference.

  45. 45.

    Roger Moore

    @Mike in NC:

    On 1-1-2013 we can enjoy listening to the douchebags about how Obama has been a failure!

    I don’t think we need to wait until then to hear about what a failure Obama is. I’m sure some troll will be happy to tell us all about his failures in this very thread.

  46. 46.

    Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn

    I don’t get caught up in the Christmas to-do per se – do not go Christmas shopping, always spend the day in a low-key fashion – but I do like the lights that go up (we even have a small-apartment sized tree, but aren’t putting it up till our youngest kitty ages a few more years – totally best that way).
    So after when the new year is rung in, I’m slightly sad to see the lights go. I mean, hey, it’s still gonna be hella dark out for another 6 – 8 weeks. So to me, it’s a time for twiddling one’s thumbs until spring comes along. (Also, too, having one’s birthday on January 3 is practically the definition of anti-climactic.)
    =o )

    On the other hand, if the Broncos do wend their way to the Super Bowl, this year, that will make for a nice distraction.

    @Rosie Outlook:

    I don’t get this whole troll thing.

    It’s the Wet Potato Chip Principle in action, modeled after kids who, when denied dry, crunchy potato chips, come around to settling for wet, soggy ones over none at all. The troll cannot relate to people on a pleasant level, so it interacts the only way it knows how to — aiming for hostile responses (“wet potato chips”), because that’s still better for the troll than no interaction at all.

    It’s a very sad, pathetic way to get through life, but there it is.

  47. 47.

    hamletta

    @efgoldman: That is lovely!

    My church choir is…having a rebuilding year. I’m of the opinion that if we’re shrunk down to chamber choir size, we should sing more Medieval shit.

  50. 50.

    Rosie Outlook

    @hamletta: I don’t think so, but a couple of years ago they did have to lay off several hundred people, many of whom had spent entire working lives there.

  51. 51.

    Ruckus

    Just watched Bad Santa(again!) online -1channel.ch

    This movie still cracks me up. John Ritter, rip, he was a much better actor than a lot of people knew. Maybe the good do go young. Damn, what does that say about me?

  53. 53.

    Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn

    @Rosie Outlook Thing is, it’s not about ideology whatsoever. The troll simply does not have the skill set to play “nice” with other people, but it still craves some sort of interaction over none. So it will do whatever is needed – take up whatever devil’s cause it must – to get a rise out of others to help fulfill the basic, human need to interact with others.

  55. 55.

    JCT

    @Ruckus: He was actually a profoundly nice guy as well — roomed with my next door neighbor in college and was a fixture next door when I was growing up. I actually teach his medical case in my course.

    And actually, it’s the nice guys who die young, assholes live forever.

    And I just finished making smothered pork chops and yeast rolls for the gang. And I’m +2 on an excellent single malt. It all works!

  59. 59.

    Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn

    @Rosie Outlook: Thank you! And I did not know the Amish ate potato chips. I must have missed that part in “Witness.”

  62. 62.

    Keith G

    Ooops…meant to @Raven (edit)

    A Korean War combat vet has been referred to our hospice. He has begun significant decline, but has not yet entered active dying, He is becoming more demented.

    He is a sweet and kind sole. While on paper there are family connections, none have initiated contact. Not all of his paper work has caught up with him and as that happens, I am aware that time maybe very short.

    We are a non profit AIDS hospice and that latter point can make contact with the outside world sometimes problematic.

    I want to make sure that his service is recognized. Tomorrow I will be speaking with our lead nurse to see if our vet has expressed preferences. He is due certain treatment and honors before and after his passing. I want to do what I can to find his wishes, and if that is not evident, interact with closest kin, as well as have info bout what honors might be due him as a veteran. I know in the past some extended families of older vets have not given this issue a great deal of thought.

    Your ideas?

  64. 64.

    Raven

    @Keith G: Soonergrunt is much more knowledgeable that I about VA affairs but here’s the link to Burial Benefits. I’d also contact local VFW and or American Legion chapters to see if they can help. Try to find out his service number, and unit designation he may recall and any specific operations or battles he was in. Good for you for trying.

  67. 67.

    Raven

    @Keith G: Also this. If he has a Purple Heart or Bronze Star with V device he is eligible to be buried in Arlington but someone has to schedule it and get the body or remains there at their expense. My dad is in the National Cemetery in Phoenix and his beloved Black Lab Molly’s ashes are mixed with his.

  70. 70.

    onlymike

    I know this thread is dying but can anyone tell me how I find out my outgoing server – I’m trying to send an email to Anne Laurie and don’t have that info. Can’t find it at GMail – it’s been a long time since I’ve used email and it feels like I’ve never done it before. I sent the information as a sort of a re-reply to her original email yesterday – will that work? I can’t tell.

  71. 71.

    Maude

    You can click on her name on the right side of the blog. That will being up her email address.
    If you have Gmail or another email, you can write it down and put the address in the address line.
    I have Yahoo mail and all I do is put in the address, subject, write the email And click send.
    I’m not sure if this answers you question.
    When you click on the address, if it opens Outlook, that on Windows, just close outlook and use you regular email. Outlook has to be set up.
    Keep asking questions. If you sent a reply, your email address would be on it.

  72. 72.

    divF

    @Raven: Charles Durning, whose passing was noted here earlier, will be buried at Arlington. Three Purple Hearts and a Silver Star in WWII.

  73. 73.

    Porlock Junior

    @Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn: “The troll simply does not have the skill set to play “nice” with other people, but it still craves some sort of interaction over none. So it will do whatever is needed…”

    Assburger’s syndrome.
    a href=”//www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2832#comic” rel=”nofollow”

    And why did the nice “link” button that the blog so nicely offers produce nothing whatever that could be seen in Preview?

  76. 76.

    Anne Laurie

    @Ruckus: Kurt Vonnegut (what can I say, I love his essays) signed all his letters with a little doodle like an asterisk, so peple would remember what an asshole he was…

  77. 77.

    Ruckus

    @Anne Laurie:
    I used to have a job at which my main function with the public was to say no. Now this would lead to some people not appreciating my breathing.
    So a standing joke I came up with:
    “How is it that people call me ass hole? Can it be the 7 letters? My first name has 3 letters and my second has 4, none of them the same as ass hole but that’s the only explanation I’ve come up with”.

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