Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

The GOP couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

This really is a full service blog.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

The GOP is a fucking disgrace.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Come on, man.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

This fight is for everything.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

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Open Thread

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I was just sitting in the La-Z-Boy with dogs on my lap, relaxing, waiting for Kansas to destroy WVU at 9 on ESPN, when I took a paw to the head. After jumping up and dumping the dogs, I looked over, and this is what I saw:

kittyoverlord

I had no idea he was there, the stealthy fat bastard. I eagerly await one of you trying to tell me that is a look of love rather than complete contempt coming from him. To give you an idea how close to me this murderous and cantankerous feline was when he ambushed me, here is how close Tunch was to Admiral Adama’s head (that’s how I fancy myself at home, thank you very much), check this out:

damnedcat

Cat was all up in my grill and I didn’t even know, and the dogs didn’t warn me either. They are all working together, I know it.

Reader Interactions

123Comments

  5. 5.

    JGabriel

    John Cole:

    They are all working together, I know it.

    What makes you think we’re not working with them?

    .

  9. 9.

    TheMightyTrowel

    My childhood cat used to do the same thing to my dad. The cat would hide on the top bunk of my bed and as my dad walked in (or walked out) to kiss me goodnight the cat would stealthily reach out a paw and try to knock off my dad’s glasses. He succeeded nine times out of ten.

  10. 10.

    kindness

    Comfy chairs John. You really need to look out for the Monty Python Comfy Chair torture routine.

  12. 12.

    Mnemosyne

    So I survived Root Canal Part Deux today. I told the endodontist that I usually have a very sore jaw after procedures, so he gave me what he called a “tooth pillow,” which is apparently a happier-sounding euphemism for a bite block. It really did seem to help, though — my jaw is much less sore this time around.

    (Basically, a lot of people get a sore jaw if they have to keep their mouth open for a long time, so the bite block lets you switch between using your “jaw opening” muscles and your “jaw closing” muscles since you can bite down on it when you get tired of keeping your jaw open. At least, that’s how he explained it to me.)

  14. 14.

    Cacti

    Hey Cole…

    Your straight-talkin’ Republican mancrush Chris Christie just vetoed a minimum wage increase with 82% popular support.

    Good thing he’s reasonable and moderate. Otherwise, this would be the move of any old corporate GOPer.

  15. 15.

    Felonious Wench

    Have you provided the daily offerings of ahi tuna and organic catnip, picked fresh 2 hours before providing in a hand-knit yarn ball?

  18. 18.

    Joseph Nobles

    That was a cat-patented “You’re not paying attention to me, are you?” swipe. He’s helping you with basic reconnaissance skills.

  19. 19.

    Elie

    My personal preferance is nitrous oxide and good local numbing of the gums around the “worksite”. The damned rubber dam and other bulky appliances that they put in my mouth, I think, are what make things sore. The actual root canal removes the nerve from the tooth itself, so there is only the pain of the shit that they do to the surrounding tissue and teeth. I have been fortunate. I think that the wonderful relaxation brought on by the nitrous helps the perfusion of the tissues and brings on a sense of wellbeing as I hum absently through the music in my headphones..

    My husband, on the other hand, eschews all such civilizing treatments, preferring to grip the chair with white nuckled determination and a desire to remain “clear headed” throughout what can only be characterized as an “ordeal”.

    Not me. Give me hot lights, cold steel and all biochemical assistance.

  21. 21.

    Mnemosyne

    It could have been worse — he could have curled around your head and started grooming you. And digging his claws in if you try to move.

    Not that Charlotte ever does that or anything.

  26. 26.

    ulee

    If Tunch wanted to ambush you, your scalp would be hanging by a thread and the Lazy Boy would be soaked in your blood. He just wants you to know he could if he wanted to.

  27. 27.

    Elie

    BTW John, Tunch actually is showing you love and his expression is benign and indulgent of you, in my opinion. Trust me — cats that donot like you do not sit languidly and observe. They ACT on their feeling and you would not be comfortable with such a cat lazzing around on the back of your furniture.

    Tunch looks great and totally centered with your bullshit

  28. 28.

    Mnemosyne

    @Elie:

    I have to drive a long way to see this endodontist (because I trust him, not because there aren’t others closer to me) so he’s reluctant to give me nitrous without having someone there to drive me home. But I know that he’s going to pump me full of novocaine and let me wear my headphones, so it’s no problem. Seriously, it’s about 7 hours after I was injected and I’m just getting the feeling back in my right ear.

    The one time I did have nitrous, it didn’t do much for the pain of getting the novocaine injected, but it did make me not care that I was in pain. It was kinda weird.

  29. 29.

    Tim (The Other One)

    That chair says Bill O’Reilly to me. Maybe with a Hungry Man dinner while watching.

  30. 30.

    burnspbesq

    The paw-whack from Laettner generally means one of two things: either (1) “what do you mean playtime is over?” or (2) “what do you mean there’s no more cheese?” I would not rule out either possibility where Tunch is concerned.

  31. 31.

    burnspbesq

    It wasn’t all that long ago that WVU was in the Final Four.

    Huggins for Bielein was not an upgrade.

  32. 32.

    Anne Laurie

    @TheMightyTrowel: Ha, one of our childhood cats used the top bunk as a perch to pee down the back of my adolescent brother’s neck!

    She really, really liked that kid — it was a ‘stay away, this one’s mine, ladies’ move — but my brother did not take it well, for some reason.

    Cole’s probably fortunate that Tunch is a straight male…

  35. 35.

    horatius

    That’s not a cat. That’s a corporation.

    Or at least one of the corporate fat-cats the Obama campaign was warning us about.

  37. 37.

    burnspbesq

    @efgoldman:

    Isn’t it about time for the NCAA bloodhounds to start sniffing around Huggins? His shelf life has never been especially long.

    I’m the polar opposite of a Huggy-Bear fan, but it has to be said that he plays by the rules and his players mostly graduate (albeit with degress in things like Exercise and Recreation Science). The only thing he has in common with Calipari seems to be bad hair.

    The NCAA needs to sort its own shit out (allegations of impropriety by the team investigating Miami) before it gets back to sorting out others’ shit.

  38. 38.

    centerfielddj

    My most beloved kitty cat, Leona, would react to my too-frequent-for-her newspaper reading by sitting in front of my chair and punching at the back of the paper. Got the paper held out in front, digging into page 5- *punch*! *punch*! *punch*! every 10 seconds or so. Eventually, I’d raise the paper higher to stop the harassment- *hop*! into my lap, Leona would, and immediately curl up and make herself at home.

    Maybe Tunch wants sumthin’. That photo is fucking hilarious, tho.

  39. 39.

    muddy

    @efgoldman: I was saying this fall that cats are Republicans because they have no concept of consent, well the consent of others, of course their consent can be withdrawn and blood let in a fraction of a second.

  40. 40.

    Dacia Mitchell

    My cat does the exact same thing, if he knew how to feed himself without my help, I’d be long dead by now. Then after my death, he would howl and vomit all over the place out of despair.

  42. 42.

    General Stuck

    Josh Green reports that a team of top Obama donors decided to surprise Hillary Clinton — “and thank her for her loyal service” — by raising enough money to pay off her 2008 campaign bills.

    “The challenge was tougher than it may appear, since it required a particular kind of donor. In order not to run afoul of campaign finance laws, the Obama team had to find people who had not already given Clinton the 2008 maximum primary donation of $2,300 or maxed out their total federal candidate donations during the 2012 cycle ($46,200). And of course, those people also had to be warmly disposed toward Clinton and still have plenty of free cash on hand.”

    I really love this story. It is the kind of magnanimous gesture from former bitter rivals, that can help the dem party become a solid favorite of most voters well into the future. Overall, except from a few internet quarters, I don’t recall the dem party, especially in congress being more on the same page, ideologically, and with a clear sense of who the enemy is, and a degree of subjugation of individual will for the common good of the party, that has historically been uncommon for democrats. The GOP is in some deep shit all the way round.

  47. 47.

    muddy

    Don’t let Tunch sit on the foot of the recliner. My mastiff mix did that and it busted up all the works underneath. I’m imagining that Tunch and my dog are of similar weight.

  49. 49.

    The Dangerman

    I think that first look is “Catnip, motherfucker” (spoken in a Samuel L. Jackson tone).

  54. 54.

    General Stuck

    @efgoldman:

    There never was a chance of ‘whacking’ the filibuster, and for good reason. Harry was just managing the emo reactionaries of the left till the election was over. Apparently, that includes you.

  55. 55.

    Rosie Outlook

    Thinkgeek.com is selling Cthulhu in Love perfume. Ia! Shub-Niggurath! Happy Valentine’s Day!

  56. 56.

    Emma

    My kitty often tried to help me when I was using the Kindle Fire. As in “oh, so that’s how you change the page!” –SWIPE! Or, “there’s something moving in there!” –SWIPE!

  59. 59.

    Narcissus

    Every time you post about your personal life it occurs to me just how charmed an existence it is, Cole. I wonder how you’re not up to your elbows in tang, and then I read

    Admiral Adama’s head (that’s how I fancy myself at home, thank you very much

    and I stop wondering.

  61. 61.

    Rosie Outlook

    @Mnemosyne: When I looked at it, there was scattered poop, no pups, though I did hear barking off stage.

    Upon pondering the perfume, I have decided that any man who brought me Cthulhu on Love would be thanked with the best night of his life before I sacrificed him to the Great Old Ones. If anyone actually buys this, please report back on how it smells. The bottle is just too adorable.

  62. 62.

    General Stuck

    @efgoldman:

    The republicans are starting to pay a price for their abuse of built in minority rights to our system. And the voters should be the ones to reign them in. Dems breaking rules to change the rules would only shift the spotlight of wingnuts behaving badly, onto scurrilous democrats cheating. If a scotus seat comes available, and the nutters try to filibuster , then I think Reid could safely nuke the filibuster for executive session, but not for legislation. Which is what the wingers were going to do years ago when Bush was president.

  63. 63.

    jrg

    Anyone stuck in a rut playing guitar should try Rocksmith. It’s awesome.

    Also, we should add an amendment that says you have the right to drink Clorox and cut your balls off. Then people like this would finally be out of the gene pool.

  64. 64.

    Mnemosyne

    @Rosie Outlook:

    I saw a puppy in the furthest-off dog bed, but it was sleeping. :-( I’m guessing there will be more activity in the morning. And less poop on the floor.

  65. 65.

    General Stuck

    Here we go again. Brain dead republicans trying to gin up Skeetgate.

    Rep. Marsha Blackburn, R-Tennessee, joined a chorus of skeptics who questioned President Barack Obama’s recent comments about his hobby of skeet shooting, a sport where participants fire shotguns to break airborne clay disks.

    “If he is a skeet shooter, why have we not heard of this? Why have we not seen photos? Why hasn’t he referenced this at any point in time?” Blackburn said Monday on CNN’s “Erin Burnett OutFront.”

    They pivot on a dime from Obama, Chicago street thug gangtsa, to whatever it is on their pea brains with this bullshit. Gun sissy, or something.

  66. 66.

    normal liberal

    @Rosie Outlook: Cthulhu In Love sounds like your basic oriental with green notes. But I’ve never had much luck in teasing out the actual description from the atmospherics in Black Phoenix Alchemy fragrance notes.

    I’m still going to buy it, of course. They also have a large inflatable Dalek I need , for a friend.

  67. 67.

    muddy

    I love how the puppy sleeps with its front half hanging off the bed. Why do they do it? My dog is hanging upside down off the couch right now.

  69. 69.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @General Stuck: “skeet-gate” will become one more right wing talk radio/internet shibboleth that they wave around while normal people smile politely and wonder what the fuck Uncle Frank is jibbering about now.

  71. 71.

    Suzanne

    You’re lucky. My Zelda will routinely attempt to sit on my shoulders and/or head when I try to sit down on the couch and enjoy some motherfucking peace and quiet. Right now, however, she’s lurking behind Mr. Suzanne. GOOD. NOT MY PROBLEM.

    OTOH, I had a cat named Nico that I adopted as an adult, and I think she had had a hard life on the streets, and had some abuse. As a result, she would never sit ON anybody. She’d sit next to you, but never on your lap. I knew she loved me when she came up behind me and started licking my hair. She did that her whole life. That cat and I were one spirit. She died about six years ago and she set the standard for all cats for ever. Shit. Now I’m crying.

  74. 74.

    hitchhiker

    @Anne Laurie:

    one of our childhood cats used the top bunk as a perch to pee down the back of my adolescent brother’s neck!
    She really, really liked that kid — it was a ‘stay away, this one’s mine, ladies’ move — but my brother did not take it well, for some reason.

    When my main squeeze and I were dating (during Reagan’s first term, okay?) he had a darling old chubby cat who peed on whatever clothing he tossed to the floor on our merry way to the waterbed. Message clear: MINE!

  75. 75.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    hmmmm…. Lawrence O’Donnell says Deval Patrick is scheduled to appear on his show after announcing Kerry’s replacement on Wednesday. As LO’D says, if he appoints someone not named Barney Frank, that would be an ugly interview.

  77. 77.

    22over7

    @eemom:

    No doubt. On the other hand, the cat box problem (not to mention the ahi tuna problem) would bring Washington to a complete standstill. How many of those Congressmen do you think have ever emptied a litter box?

  80. 80.

    Mnemosyne

    @Comrade Dread:

    We figured that out when we realized that whenever Keaton was play-attacking us, he would go for the joints, especially knees and elbows.

    Of course, as a Maine Coon mix, Keaton is practically the size of a bobcat as it is.

  81. 81.

    jl

    @Comrade Dread: Except when he is hopped up on the nip that Cole’s friend ships every year, Tunch seems to spend a lot of time lying around semi-comatose. I suppose that is some kind of sinister surveillance on the hapless Cole?

  83. 83.

    max

    waiting for Kansas to destroy WVU at 9 on ESPN, when I took a paw to the head.

    You took a paw to the head. You poor thing.

    See, when I go down to the basement to get tools or whatever, Matthew the half-feral kitty demands I pet him and if I stop, he runs over, sinks his claws into my leg and bites my foot. (The alternative version is where he uses my foot for a launch pad – that usually leaves bloody racing stripes across the top of my foot.)

    A better version of this would be ‘Tunch batted me in the back of the head… and I TOTES FREAKED OUT.’

    max
    [‘You’ve gone and mixed up your pills again, haven’t you?’]

  84. 84.

    Mnemosyne

    @hitchhiker:

    I was thinking that you had a brave main squeeze on your hands if he was willing to have a cat and a waterbed, but then I remembered that in the Reagan years, declawing indoor cats was pretty standard and nobody really knew any better.

  85. 85.

    Comrade Dread

    @max: I used to have a kitten that would ambush me every damn morning when I woke up at 5 am to go to work. I’d stumble out of bed, head for the shower, and kitty would leap from her hiding place, sink four paws of claws into my calf and bite. It would zip off before I even finished screaming the first profanity.

    It’s other favorite means for trying to kill me involved trying to ‘show affection’ by rubbing up against my leg as I was walking, with the effect of tripping me.

    In short, I’m a dog person now.

  87. 87.

    lamh35

    Man, new job, new work schedule, new town, new apartment, old friends and family…so much going on I’m finding it harder to read and post on blogs lately. I don’t have a routine down yet, but it’s only been 3 weeks, so no big deal. I suspect once I get some furniture up in here, it’ll be better. So far, just bare bones furnishings.

    With my new earlier schedule, I’m finding that I can’t stay awake as long as I used to anymore. Either that or I’m just getting old. I’d like to think that 36 is NOT old, but my nephew (13) and my godson (16) tells me differently…LOL.

  88. 88.

    muddy

    @Mnemosyne: I used to have a waterbed, and the cats would routinely pierce it. The worst part was that they were too small to make much water come out, so I’d get into a dry bed, and then find myself growing wetter as I lay there. I always had bicycle tube patches on hand.

    Another cat was angry when I was packing boxes, so she kept peeing in my bed. In, not on. I’d only find out when I thrust my feet down to the bottom. She’d go under the covers so I didn’t see it ahead of time. Gods! They are assholes. Still, I don’t care to catch my own rodents.

  89. 89.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    This is a sick fucking country.

    When Neil Heslin, who was holding a picture of his deceased son, Jesse Lewis, during his testimony, asked the state senate why Bushmaster-type assault rifles should be legal, several gun enthusiasts in the audience reportedly shouted him down, yelling “The Second Amendment!”
    So just to repeat: the father of a six-year-old boy who died six weeks ago asked a question about the weapon that killed his son, and the the gun activists attending the testimony decided to heckle him.

  91. 91.

    geg6

    If you’re from PA, especially Western PA, there is no better show than the Janine Orie and State Supreme Court Justice Joan Orie Melvin’s criminal trial going on right now. All while sister, former state senator Jane Orie, sits in a state prison. I’ve detested these bitches for years now and watching them go down like dominoes has been so much fun that, if I actually believed in a god or a heaven, I’d be convinced I was going to hell for it.

    Always running around during campaigns, screaming about how they are the most moral of moral creatures, due to their totally Catholic educations. Of course, they probably just learned how to run a criminal conspiracy from their long education in Catholic institutions.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_Orie_Melvin

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Orie

  94. 94.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    And does this sound to anyone like someone was thinking in terms of martyrdom?

    Unidentified 22 year old man takes loaded AR-15 to local Kroger grocery store in Charlottesville to make a point about his second amendment rights.
    Charlottesville police say the man who showed up at a Kroger grocery store with a loaded gun wanted to make a point. On Sunday, an unidentified 22-year-old man carried a loaded AR-15 into the Kroger store […]
    Police say he was cooperative and did nothing illegal. Officers did find a note in his pocket spelling out his intent to express his 2nd Amendment rights. Police say they could not release man’s name because he was not arrested.

  102. 102.

    danielx

    That look is one of murderous complete contempt.

    It could be worse – a friend of mine has two male cats who, if they took a dislike to an overnight guest, expressed their dislike by peeing on the bed. While occupied by friend and guest, usually at six in the morning or thereabouts.

    Guests addressed this way never came back.

  103. 103.

    Tonal Crow

    You are completely mistaken. Tunch would take an AR-15 load for you any day. Or at least he’d arrange for Lily to take it for you.

  105. 105.

    Tonal Crow

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: The 2nd Amendment? You mean the Amendment that protects your right to possess a musket so long as you’re available for induction into the militia that protects your state from invasion?

  106. 106.

    Citizen_X

    here is how close Tunch was to Admiral Adama’s head

    Pah. Feline amateur. At least the Cylons managed to gutshoot the guy.

  110. 110.

    katie5

    There are now Valentine’s Day cards from your cat (that’s correct, not to your cat but from your cat). Hate to say that I bought one to give to SO. Remind him of the pecking order in the household.

    BTW, why not expand from BJ calendars to VD cards from Tunch et al?

  112. 112.

    asiangrrlMN

    TUNCHIEEEEEEEE! He lurves you, Cole. He really, really lurves you! He’s such a goooood boy, yes he is!

    ::skritces Tunch between the ears::

    @yutsano: WHERE WAS MY ALERT, YUTSY?!?

  113. 113.

    burnspbesq

    @22over7:

    How many of those Congressmen do you think have ever emptied a litter box?

    That job will be delegated to a minority and/or female staffer.

  114. 114.

    Closeted epistemic (formerly Lojasmo)

    @Cacti:

    He also said he would sign a bill that phased it in over three years.

    BUt since firebagging assholes don’t understand a complex story, I guess you missed that part, or are willfully ignoring it.

    Asshole.

  116. 116.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    I eagerly await one of you trying to tell me that is a look of love rather than complete contempt coming from him.

    Shit, I’ve been a cat owner most of your life. Contempt? He can’t wait to do it again and make the fat monkey dance. You’re not even his slave, you’re just there for his amusement.

  118. 118.

    jp7505a

    Obviusly you belong on the back of the sofa and HE WHO MUST BE OBEYED belongs on the recliner. Simply who rules the roost!

  119. 119.

    JustRuss

    Like all good plutocrats, Tunch realizes the help needs a good smack upside the head periodically. Don’t take it personal, Cole.

  120. 120.

    Fwiffo

    John, it’s not that he wants to kill you. It’s that he wants you to know that he knows that he could kill you, if he had the inclination.

  121. 121.

    Cacti

    @Closeted epistemic (formerly Lojasmo):

    He also said he would sign a bill that phased it in over three years.

    Sorry for not being adequately fair and balanced to BJ’s favorite Republican.

    Gov. Straight Talk supports phasing in an increase that in 3-years will still be $0.25 less per hour than the one he vetoed now.

    Funny that the definition of firebagger now extends to criticism of Republicans that Juicers like.

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