Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

In short, I come down firmly on all sides of the issue.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

We still have time to mess this up!

Let’s finish the job.

Republicans: slavery is when you own me. freedom is when I own you.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

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106Comments

  3. 3.

    scav

    Irrelevant. Lack of evolutionary pressure. Clearly that cat doesn’t need a middle finger to make his point.

  6. 6.

    The Dangerman

    Have you tried lifting him to his food dish (may require block and tackle, which only seems name appropriate)?

  7. 7.

    jibeaux

    Went to the Goathouse Refuge written up in the nyt a few weeks back. Rt here were a crap load of cats. I think at that level they could definitely be a murder of cats. There was a gorgeous hardwood play tower that had probasblky been donated, as it looked a good deal fancier than the repurposed plastic drums and baskets and boxes that were everywhere. No, there were no cats on it. I’m not a cat person, but don’t they prefer the carpety surfaces to the slick ones?

  9. 9.

    West of the Cascades

    I bought one of these for my cat five years ago, only to learn that she still preferred to climb onto the coffee table, jump onto the couch, to the top of the book case, and then onto the window sill (the cat tower would have made it four easy, carpeted jumps). Back to the store went the cat tower ….

  10. 10.

    johio

    Patience, John. He’s yanking your chain to see how long you can last before you give him a lift to the top level. To speed the processs, put the tree in front of a window.

  11. 11.

    Anne Laurie

    He’s sitting on it, Cole. Waddaya want, a good-conduct medal?

    Move his food bowl — or his favorite catnip toy — to an intermediate shelf, and give him time. Cats, like small children, are strict conservatives when it comes to the daily routine.

    P.S. Odds on Rosie getting to the top level before Tunch does?

  12. 12.

    jl

    I thought the idea was to put food up there. Did Cole add the food on the top floor?

    Or is Tunch starving himself in protest of Cole’s newfangled gimmick? That is hard to believe.

    Well, whatever, Rosie will probably love it.

  14. 14.

    RSA

    Putting stuff that Tunch values on the top tier is a good idea, but a better idea, given my experience with cats, is to put something there that you value. Ideally, it should be quickly and easily destroyable with the application of sharp claws.

  15. 15.

    jl

    @Anne Laurie: I have money on Rosie first, unless Cole puts cat food up there.

    I guess Tunch was supposed to fall in love with the damn thing at first sight, cat food on top of it or not, otherwise Cole would get his feelings all hurt to smithereens.

    Edit: I thought the whole idea was to put food up on top so poor fat old 60 cat years something Tunch wouldn’t have to jump all the way up to the counter from the floor.

    Second edit: Look at this way, Cole, the thing will make an interesting conversation piece at parties. Until a starving Tunch eats his owner in the middle of the night.

  18. 18.

    Comrade Mary

    John, that is a picture of a very happy cat, sitting all comfy and meatloafish on the bottom of the assembly.

    Put it by the window, put interesting things on the first level, then the second level shelves, and he’ll find his way up.

  20. 20.

    The Dangerman

    @RSA:

    …and easily destroyable with the application of sharp claws.

    Or “accidental” push over the edge.

    /lookoutbelow

  22. 22.

    muddy

    He would probably like it better if it were a dark color to set off his hair. Shedded hair especially.

  25. 25.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    The only toy a cat needs is a laser pointer, and some of them won’t even give a shit about those.

  27. 27.

    FlipYrWhig

    @PurpleGirl: My last cat always liked a smooth surface, though. When she was little she went crazy for the dustpan. At the vet she always walked off their little blankets and fleeces and flopped down on the stainless steel. ‘Twas nigh unpredictable.

  28. 28.

    Hypatia's Momma

    You have to keep in mind that cats are tiny little Republicans: They are opposed to any and all change until it turns out to be in their favour, in which case it was their idea all along.

    Put snacks or food or catnip on the various levels, wait one week, and he’ll be telling everyone how he had to badger you into buying it for him.

  29. 29.

    Nick

    For the past few days, when I try to access Balloon Juice, the Feb. 7 post keeps coming up on top, even if I use the “Home” link, or click on the title banner. Any ideas what that is about?

  31. 31.

    dance around in your bones

    Tunch be too floofy to navigate the tall thing.

    Must study it for a while, decide if it’s worth the effort. Meanwhile, that’s one heck of a grumpy expression.

    Be afraid, be very afraid.

  33. 33.

    Ted & Hellen

    The most awesome part of this photograph is Jerry Garcia giving you the evil eye in the background. Maybe he is giving you the finger too.

    Where did you get such an amazing and delightful work of art? Who made it, and where can I obtain one of my own.

  35. 35.

    Warren Terra

    Geez, Cole, get a better phone (or a better camera). That shot’s so fuzzy it looks like Rosie has been licking the lens.

  36. 36.

    JCT

    Whoa, now that is a broygus cat! Yikes.

    Our 3 prefer to sit in our dish drainer (they fight over it) instead of their cat tree.

  37. 37.

    Rosie Outlook

    Look on the bright side, John. With that stabilizing weight on the bottom, the thing will never fall over.

  39. 39.

    Warren Terra

    @Nick:

    For the past few days, when I try to access Balloon Juice, the Feb. 7 post keeps coming up on top, even if I use the “Home” link, or click on the title banner. Any ideas what that is about?

    There used to be a problem that “www.balloon-juice.com” would display the current page, and “balloon-juice.com” would display the page as seen at some recent point, perhaps a couple of days previously (with some page elements perhaps filled in with up-to-date data, such as comment numbers, Recent Comments, etcetera). I can’t replicate the effect with my browser, but some version of this may still be the case.

  42. 42.

    raven

    Bohdi has a big basket of toys. He never touches anything but tennis balls until our friends bring their pup over.

  43. 43.

    gbear

    At least it won’t fall over with Tunch sitting on the base.

    My cat’s favorite toy is medium sized roundish pine cones. She can run after them when you kick them around, and she can rub her face on them when they’re not moving.

  46. 46.

    leeleeFL

    I once had a cat with thumbs! He was born near a defunct nuclear power plant. He used his giift to ear pieces of melon like an apple. True story!

  50. 50.

    gravie

    Yeah, I’ve bought my cat snuggly cat beds, nice fleece blankets, kitty hidey-holes — you name it. What has he finally decided he likes? The insulated Ikea bag that I carelessly dropped on the floor outside the kitchen after unloading groceries. Now I can’t pick the darned thing up because it’s His Spot.

  52. 52.

    MomSense

    Silly Cole, cats don’t need a middle finger to say fuck you! Tunch is doing a fine job of it in that photo!

  55. 55.

    Joshua Norton

    What Tunch is actually thinking:

    “Hey, fat boy, how’s about lifting me up fer cripes sakes, you’re arm ain’t broken”.

  57. 57.

    srv

    I knew this would be a disaster. All I could think of was Towering Inferno.

    I was thinking an elevator might help, but I don’t know where you’d find a freight elevator.

  59. 59.

    BettyPageisaBlonde

    After a day full of fail, this was just the thing to get a genuine gut laugh out of me. I love cats and their total “Fuck you, dude, I’ll do what I want” attitude.

    Tunch is a national treasure. Just like Morgan Freeman. If Morgan Freeman was a cat.

  61. 61.

    Suzanne

    Are you sure he can even get up there?

    Just return it. He doesn’t need it to escape from the dogs. Tunchie can kick their asses, Methinks. Even Rosie’s.

  65. 65.

    Mnemosyne

    Dude, he’s sitting on it! What more did you expect after two days?

    Our late cat Natasha loved her tower so much that she died in it. No, seriously — the cancer had gotten into her lungs and she hadn’t had the strength to jump into the tower for several weeks, but when G found her body, it was on the third shelf of the tower. She knew her time had arrived and she wanted to be in the place she loved most, damn it!

  69. 69.

    Maude

    I’m taking bets on when we see the picture of Tunch on top of this thing. I say within a week.

    @Ash Can:
    It does brighten the day when we have posts like this.
    It’s worth the very shallow breaths.

  73. 73.

    Citizen_X

    @Ted & Hellen:

    Where did you get such an amazing and delightful work of art?

    You’re being too nice. I may have my issues with you, and I’m no fan of the Dead, but still: he’s got your artwork sitting on the fucking floor. HEY COLE, IT’S COMMISSIONED, ORIGINAL ART. HANG IT ON THE GODDAM WALL.

  74. 74.

    khead

    @Ash Can:

    Yeah, it’s been pretty good. After discovering this thing via BJ, my wife is convinced that OUR cats will love it. Even after seeing this pic. I see a future as a clothes hanging device….then the cats might be interested.

  75. 75.

    Tom S

    Hope you still have the box it came in. He’ll probably enjoy that more. Either that, or he’ll use the tower when you are not around.

  77. 77.

    danielx

    One of the biggest bits of evidence against evolution is that cats don’t have middle fingers.

    They don’t need them, they have the whole “fuck you and the horse you rode in on” message delivery system down just fine, thankyewverymuch.

  78. 78.

    Linda

    I got a self-heating bed for my arthritic old cat, but he turned up his nose. The cat that uses it is my heat-seeking kitty, who usually snuggles up at night until he burrows under my flesh.

  80. 80.

    Mark S.

    That’s why I’ve never sprung for the $100-200 cat jungle gym. I’m always afraid it will just be sitting in my living room making me seethe because my cats won’t use it.

  81. 81.

    max

    Stick him on the very highest level. Either he’ll come down on his own and be OK with it, or he’ll stay up there starving until he loses so much weight that he can get up and down easily.

    max
    [‘C’mon man, do you think the cat trusts you? Of course not.’]

  82. 82.

    Dead Ernest

    As John Cleese said to the class; “what about a Kiss boy? What’s wrong with starting with a nice kiss?”
    It’s foreplay Cole, you know, a gentle, delicate beginning, gradually developing into a …nevermind.

  83. 83.

    Mnemosyne

    @JCJ:

    I would say … it depends. Our cats use the cat beds that we bought for them, though it’s partly to compete with the other cats (“Nyah nyah! I got the bed first! Loser!”)

    They even use the one I knitted for them. (Knitted the cover, that is — the inside is a piece of foam that I bought. Pattern from Last-Minute Knitted Gifts.)

  85. 85.

    Ken J.

    This is as good a place as any to mention that I love the Tunch “FEED” totebag which my wife got for me.

    Nobody else gets the visual humor, though.

    Who created the artwork?

  87. 87.

    Anne Laurie

    @leeleeFL:

    I once had a cat with thumbs! He was born near a defunct nuclear power plant. He used his giift to ear pieces of melon like an apple. True story!

    Testify. One of our childhood cats used his thumbs to eat spaghetti — he’d pull out a strand, hold it over his head, and slurp it down.

    Apart from his digital dexterity, alas, George was one of the dumbest cats ever. We used to joke that he & his litter sister had two functional cat brains between them, but Dolly had at least 75% of the combined mental acuity.

  88. 88.

    PurpleGirl

    @Mnemosyne: That bowl is the larger bowl or Super Bowl. Yes, they like to sit in the bowl. One kitteh will often chase another out of the bowl so they get in the bowl. The live stream is addictive.

    (I fell asleep in the recliner and just woke up.)

    Your cat pillow is very nice.

  89. 89.

    Mnemosyne

    @PurpleGirl:

    At first, no one would lay on it and I was getting very annoyed. Then G said, “You need to put something on top of it so Keaton knows it’s for them to lay on.” So I put a small toy on top of it and, sure enough, Keaton immediately went and lay down on it.

    Why, I don’t know, but apparently that was the signal Keaton had been waiting for.

  93. 93.

    FlipYrWhig

    @Gwangung: If Tunch tips over the tree and breaks it, you could probably salvage the wood and canvas from that thing to make a new level.

  94. 94.

    JW

    100 bucks? No wonder Tunch is dismissive. An adequate cat tree should cost at LEAST 300 bucks and be hand made from weathered wood found on a remote beach. Stupid human.

  96. 96.

    SFAW

    “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Tunchulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn”

    I’m sorry, but with that baleful stare of his (yes, I’m anthropomorphizing, what of it?), that was the first or second thing that popped into what remains of my braims.

  98. 98.

    brantl

    One of the biggest bits of evidence against evolution is that cats don’t have middle fingers.

    It’s called a tail, they always show it when they spray your furniture.

  100. 100.

    HeartlandLiberal

    Be patient. He will discover and use the upper stories.

    We just spent $80 on a large premium cat watering station, with pump to provide a stream of flowing water into the large bowl at the front base.

    We did this because both our cats had learned to drink from the faucet in the big whirlpool bathtub, and we got tired of satisfying their demands we turn the water on for them, then wait while they took their time drinking. I also got tired of waking up to visit the bathroom at 2:00 am and discovering we had forgotten to turn the water off the night before from the last watering session.

    So naturally the cats ignored the new fountain completely.

    We turned off pump in the new water bowl. We covered the faucets on the tub with towels, and ignored their demands that we remove them. We removed other sources of water, including closing all toilet lids. Within a couple days, they accepted the new water bowl and were drinking from it without the flowing water.

    Next step later this week is to turn the water flow on intermittently. At this point, they should realize, hey, this is legit, I can drink from this just like I used to in the tub.

    They will then of course demonstrate their complete and total gratitude to us for going to all this trouble.

    Right?

    Try putting Tunch’s food on the top of the platform. Show him it is there, and tell him if he is hungry, he can climb up there and eat it.

    Please respond with pictures of his response to you.

  102. 102.

    nkb

    my grotesquely fat cat has just given up on everything altogether. I’d attach a picture if I could.

  103. 103.

    Bokonon

    Our cat doesn’t sleep in her fleece catbed. Several years ago, she adopted an old nylon backpack – complete with straps and hard plastic buckles – as her favorite thing to sleep on. That’s now her cat bed. It doesn’t look comfortable at all, but go figure.

    Tunch probably LIKES the tower (he is sitting WITH it), but he probably doesn’t want to climb all those levels unless he really has to.

  105. 105.

    MosesZD

    Two things:

    One: Cat’s do have a middle finger. Their thumb is just further back than you expect.

    Two: Cat’s say F-U with their expressions and behaviors. Flipping the bird is for juvenile girls to use against Judges…

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