Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

After roe, women are no longer free.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

This really is a full service blog.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

Republicans don’t trust women.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

You are here: Home / The Dao of Alleve

The Dao of Alleve

by | 208 Comments

This post is in: 

Getting old sucks. Being 42 is a lot like the plot line of the Dao of Steve, but with more aches and pains, less sex, more doubt, and fewer snappy one liners. Plus three four animals who refuse to listen to you but you are obligated to keep alive despite their best efforts to get killed.

Oh, and then there are YOU FUCKING PEOPLE.

Whatever. I think TBOGG and I need about six months in Jamaica.

Oh, and by the way, the first one of you fucks who suggests yoga (to the fat guy with the agility of a front porch) as a way to relax and relieve aches and pains is getting banned. You’ve been warned.

Reader Interactions

208Comments

  3. 3.

    lojasmo

    After sixteen years of marraige, I think I’m having more sex than ever.

    the trick is living with a human.

    I’m 44, and never take NSAIDS…but I’m not accident prone.

    If you ARE taking NSAIDS regularly, be sure to stay WELL
    hydrated. One of the seldom talked about problems with NSAID medications is RENAL FAILURE.

    /nurse.

  10. 10.

    General Stuck

    At 42, I still thought highly of myself, and what I didn’t have that I thought I wanted, or being a certain way that would make me joyous and happy. Looking for love in all the wrong places.

    Cheer up, the good news is, while the body falls apart, the mind is set free, unless you get dementia, then it is really set free. So many things you thought were important or stuff you missed out on, all that shit fades away to, I exist, therefore I yam.

    And not forever. You can still fuck it up with too much boozes, or self pity, or let regret float your boat all day. But when it gets to where you can see the end, shit is a lot less problematic, though with more doctor visits.

    I suppose people who were wise when they were young, are losing something more worthwhile than simple flexibility and regular bowel movements. But for us morons of wasted youth, old age is a fucking godsend.

  15. 15.

    Mnemosyne

    @Strandedvandal:

    I was about to say Pilates, too. It’s based on yoga, except that it was developed to help bedridden war veterans, so you can do it sitting or laying down.

    And it can be one hell of a workout. The first time I did a full session on the apparatus, it hurt to breathe for the whole day afterwards, because I had worked muscles in my torso that didn’t normally get worked.

    I bought this book for G, but he has trouble finding the space to do it in our tiny, cat-infested apartment.

  17. 17.

    Alison

    Aw, you know you love us.

    At least, most of us.

    My version of your “no yoga bullshit” stance is acupuncture. Get the fuck away from me with that power-of-suggestion-driven creepy ass needle malarkey. You might as well tell me to read The Secret, same type of woo, IMO. People I know who say acupuncture has actually “cured” something for them are, to a person, people who were super stressed about either that particular something or just anything, and the act of dozing off in a room with a table fountain and soft music lessened their stress, thus easing headaches/sleep troubles/gastric upset/whatthefuckever.

    I mean…if you like it, if it seems to do you good, rock on, have fun. But don’t keep pushing it on me. Not going to happen.

  20. 20.

    Emma

    ok, I won’t tell you about yoga, since I really like hanging around here. But I’m 57, recovering from cancer surgery, and obese and I do yoga six days a week for an hour *hides*

  22. 22.

    Heliopause

    Oh, and by the way, the first one of you fucks who suggests yoga

    Please, John, I would never insult your intelligence thus. I’ll just give it to you straight; there are few if any problems in life that aren’t solved simply with masturbation. Anybody who tells you otherwise is bullshitting.

  25. 25.

    Nicole

    Toddler took a bad fall tonight. His mouth was full of blood and so I and the hubby ran around like lunatics trying to get bundled up for the trip to the emergency room. Thank goodness for our Keystone Kops level of ability to handle the situation, since while we were trying to get everything together, the bleeding stopped. Impressive bite marks on the toddler’s tongue, but that’s it. We’re now curled up in bed, watching Despicable Me, which sure beats sitting in an emergency room for six hours on a Friday night.

  26. 26.

    James Gary

    F*ck it. Yoga sure as hell has kept *this* 45-year-old flexible and (reasonably) mellow and–like early Christians dying in the Coliseum for their faith–I’ll risk banning to suggest you, Cole, should accept yoga as your personal savior. (Or at least as an alternative to alcohol from time to time–a good yoga session, in my experience, can obviate the need for stress-reduction drinking for ~24 hours.)

    Bring on the lions and/or ban-hammer.

  27. 27.

    Strandedvandal

    @Mnemosyne: Yeah, people think it’s easy. “You’re just lying there…” heh. It’s like when I bring my racing buddies to a spin class with me.

  29. 29.

    Joseph Nobles

    OK, so you’re falling apart faster than the second act of “Wicked.” Start a stretching program anyway. It doesn’t have to be yoga. It can be Pilates, or even just plain old 20 minutes a day stretching out your major muscle groups. Lots of good resources out there.

    Think of it as critter entertainment. The animals deserve high quality “damnedest thing we ever saw” time.

  30. 30.

    Mnemosyne

    @Alison:

    The defense I’ll make of yoga (and Pilates) is that it does have some actual science behind it, in that even mild stretching/exercise is proven to be better for you than sitting on your ass watching TV. It has some dangers, but overall it has a net health benefit for most people.

    The only person I know who gets regular acupuncture is a recovering alcoholic, and she says it really helps with the alcohol cravings. And, hey, if that’s the placebo effect she gets from having needles stuck into her skin, I’m not gonna try to argue her out of it.

  31. 31.

    Nicole

    @Narcissus: Yowsa. My husband has a scar on his chin, too, the reminder of the time he got too close to the pan when he went to sniff the fresh-baked brownies.

  34. 34.

    aimai

    @Nicole:

    Oh, huge hugs to you all. That must have been terrifying. Mouth wounds and head wounds bleed so badly-and yet they can be nothing at all. And the scariest thing of all? Friday night in the children’s ER. I think it must be time for mommy and daddy to break out the wine and really collapse as soon as your toddler is down.

  36. 36.

    Alison

    @Mnemosyne: Well, I’m actually cool with yoga, for people who like it. I did it for a while and it can definitely help with flexibility and such. I mean, it’s an actual physical exercise.

    And yeah, I’m not going to like…demand they ban acupuncture. Like I said, if people get something from it, that’s fine. I just don’t like people who think *their* experience is what everyone else’s experience will be, or who make claims like “it’ll cure your allergies!” O RLY? Ahem.

  38. 38.

    Mnemosyne

    Whatever. I think TBOGG and I need about six months in Jamaica.

    You realize you’re making poor Ted & Hellen’s gaydar go off like an air horn, right?

  43. 43.

    Biff Longbotham

    Don’t worry, Cole. I’ve got your back. Yoga is for pussies, but have you tried guided imagery? ;-)

  44. 44.

    Cassidy

    I’ve offered in the past. Working out is easy. Making yourself go to the gym is the hard part. I suggest boxing.

  45. 45.

    MikeJ

    @lojasmo:

    After sixteen years of marraige, I think I’m having more sex than ever.
    __
    the trick is living with a human.

    I’ve met your wife. If she gets sick of you tell her to keep me in mind.

  47. 47.

    Mnemosyne

    @Alison:

    I want to go see my friend’s chiropractor because I have some neck and shoulder issues (most due to carpal tunnel) but I get really nervous about chiropractors. Is he going to be one of the guys who just focuses on strengthening and improving your body movements, or is he going to start talking about how spinal adjustments cure allergies and how vaccinations are poison? You never know until you’re on the table, unfortunately.

  48. 48.

    Hypatia's Momma

    …the agility of a front porch

    Turns out there are a couple of exercise programs that can fix that.

  51. 51.

    Yutsano

    @MikeJ: It might be hard to get her out of Minnesota considering what she does. Then again we could just sic her on the Boeing engineers or better yet the Amazon warehouses. That could be fun in fact.

  52. 52.

    CatHairEverywhere

    How about trying y-
    just kidding. My de-funkifier of choice is a nice, long jog on the trails in the foothills around here, preferably with friends, so we can complain about the hills. I feel so much better when I can get in some deep breathing outside. I am just a couple of years older than you, so I can understand the 40s feeling.
    I know your shoulder had a close encounter with ice a while back, so I can understand if you are not keen on the outdoor thing during ice season, but I can’t remember if anyone brought up YakTrax? They attach to your regular shoes and give you traction.

  53. 53.

    Lavocat

    Uh-huh. 42 ain’t no thang. Wait until you move into the 50s. Your body’s got some funny shit planned for you then. Which gets me to wonderin’: how many animals does one have to have before an intervention is required?

  54. 54.

    opie_jeanne

    @chrome agnomen: Me too. I’m 20 years older, fat, can tell I’m losing my flexibility, but life is good. I walk when the weather is good and it helps take off the extra winter poundage and I live in a beautiful place where I can choose steep hills or flat walks, walks on the road or in the woods. I only wish there was a safe path on the road, too much of my walking is worrying about whether the oncoming vehicle will pass me too close and make me jump into the ditch, not a nice thing to contemplate at my age.

    Oh, and at his age I was getting more married sex than I knew what to do with and getting hit on pretty regularly even though I’m no beauty.

    He should be glad he doesn’t discover he’s got an agressive early-onset prostate cancer because that shuts down a lot of sexy-time no matter the treatment, some of it permanently.

  59. 59.

    Mnemosyne

    @opie_jeanne:

    Oh, and at his age I was getting more married sex than I knew what to do with and getting hit on pretty regularly even though I’m no beauty.

    Heh. I got whistled at in the Target parking lot. Teenagers young enough to be my sons. It cracked me up.

  60. 60.

    Thor Heyerdahl

    @chrome agnomen: Had to think for a second to come up with Truman. I kept thinking “Hunter S Thompson as president?” What an interesting America that would have been.

  61. 61.

    Yutsano

    @Mnemosyne: The cougar phenomenon is still quite the thang. I guess it’s now a badge of honour for a high schooler to bag a much older woman.

    /guy with interest 13 years younger

  62. 62.

    Mark S.

    @opie_jeanne:

    He should be glad he doesn’t discover he’s got an agressive early-onset prostate cancer

    Well, Jesus, yes I guess it could always be worse.

  65. 65.

    khead

    @Redshift:

    Heh. Forgot about Charlestown now that Maryland Live is pimping table games. But if I can get Cole to come to Charlestown I figure another 60 miles to Arundel Mills isn’t that big of a deal.

    My wife and I have extra rooms. And cats.

  66. 66.

    Mnemosyne

    @Yutsano:

    Yeah, no. Not gonna happen. I think it was mostly a joke because I was looking particularly dowdy that day.

    Besides, I’m already a cradle-robber — my mom was very impressed when she found out that G is two years younger than I am. I had bagged a younger man!

  67. 67.

    Larkspur

    @Mnemosyne: I am so old that men and women just look like people to me. You know, like person, person, person, dog, person, snowy egret, person. I guess that’s more inclination than age, though. Still, it’s comfy.

  68. 68.

    opie_jeanne

    @Lavocat: 55 was when I discovered I had had Hepatitis C for about 20 years, because it started causing some big problems.

    The year I spent in treatment for it was interesting and difficult, and the only thing I can imagine is worse is the treatment for cancer. I don’t want to ever know as much about how my liver is doing as I knew that year. They cured me, I have tested negative for years. I was the poster child for Type 4 Hep C, but sometimes I wonder what the cost of all that Interferon will be.

    I loved the idiots who would give me advice that I really didn’t need to treat it because I could live with it for 20 years. Uh, right, already lived with it for 20 years. My favorite was the guy who tried to tell me his buddy got it from mosquitoes. I tend to yell and throw things at the tv when programs like House insist that you get it from sex. No. You get it from sharing a needle, or from someone who is infected who donated blood before they screened for it. I got 4 pints of blood after surgery in 1985, and one of the donors was infected. Type 4 is very rare in the US, almost unheard of, so my infected donor was probably sharing a needle in Marakesh back in the day but I do not hold a grudge against him because I needed every one of those pints; I was 35.

  72. 72.

    Roger Moore

    @Cassidy:

    Working out is easy. Making yourself go to the gym is the hard part.

    Damn straight. The hardest part of running five miles every morning is getting out of bed. That’s why people suggest having a workout partner; it adds social pressure to get to your workout, which is often the difference between doing it and not doing it.

    Cole @top:

    Oh, and by the way, the first one of you fucks who suggests yoga (to the fat guy with the agility of a front porch) as a way to relax and relieve aches and pains is getting banned.

    How about the second through twentieth people to suggest it?

  73. 73.

    Suffern ACE

    @General Stuck: it’s a gateway to kendo. I think cole needs to reignite an ember that only remaining calm while a screaming woman swings a stick at your head can do.

  77. 77.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @opie_jeanne: My wife had Hep-C, they never could figure out how she got it(maybe a transfusion in Korea), and went through the treatment. 3 Interfuron injections a week, I was the injector. When she picked up one of prescriptions, she asked how much it would cost w/o insurance. It was $1,100 per month in 2000. She stuck with the treatment and was cured as well. I’ve always thought one of the reasons for the low success rate for the Hep-C treatments is sticking to the treatment schedule.

  78. 78.

    JR

    Yoga is just a secret jihadist plot to indoctrinate Americans to carry around mats and all kneel while facing the same direction.

    You heard it here first.

  79. 79.

    Roger Moore

    @opie_jeanne:

    sometimes I wonder what the cost of all that Interferon will be

    If you haven’t felt it by now, it’s probably not going to do anything to you in the future. It’s just a signal that kicks your immune system into gear. The treatment shouldn’t be any worse for you long term than if your body had produced the interferon naturally in response to an infection.

    ETA: Not an immunologist, but I do work in a Department of Immunology, so I can fake it reasonably well to the uninitiated.

  83. 83.

    NotMax

    All those miles clocked with the pooches on the rails to trails (or whatever the heck it is called) is plenty of exercise.

    Hell, I get tired just thinking about you doing that.

    Another HST baby; will refrain from further sniggering at complaining while 42. 42 has little to do with it – the broken bones and assorted other abuses heaped upon the body in the teens, 20s and 30s are not without a price tag. Go out and spring for a good massage (I mean an actual massage, nothing more) once in a while. If there’s a school of massage anywhere nearby, their rates are often reasonably affordable.

    Personally, even with the various aches, twinges and pains of age moving closer to center stage, remain of the conviction that constant masking of the pain with pills is a good way to increase damage. The pain is a flashing red sign saying “Stop” and should be heeded appropriately. Not saying don’t treat the symptoms; just do the best not to always rely on medications as a palliative.

    Also too, dao? The Tao of Steve.

  84. 84.

    dance around in your bones

    @beltane:

    How about Tai Chi? My mother-in-law is in her 70s and she swears by it.

    This is what I was going to suggest. I have done yoga, and my best friend and my sister are yoga teachers and all that, but for some reason I have always been attracted to Tai Chi.

    Not that I’ve ever done it. But I wanna be one of those old Chinese people all doing it in unison in the park. For free.

    Ha. Some day. But it’s gotta be free.

  85. 85.

    Wag

    Cole
    You need a physical goal. Yoga? Boring. You need to train for a marathon. Pick one that’s pretty in the fall nice leaves and cool temps. I’d suggest the Twin Cities marathon

  86. 86.

    SG

    Everything everybody else already said — they’re mostly right.

    Plus, you need laughs, lots of laughs. Start searching Netflix for comedies. New ones, classics, stand-up videos, Aristophanes, anything that makes you go past smiling to the belly laugh. Stay away from angst-ridden dramas drenched in social or psychological significance.

    And seriously, give us some more Zsa Zsa/Tunch/Lily/Rosie pix and updates.

  87. 87.

    Southern Beale

    @opie_jeanne:

    My mother-in-law had Hep C and was on interferon. She got a blood transfusion when my husband was born, and back in the day the hospital used to get blood from the state prison up the road. She contracted Hep C and a friend of hers did as well. Both were diagnosed around the same time. She did interferon and had a bad reaction, was just exhausted and no energy. But she got over it and she hasn’t had any problems. That was maybe 15 or 20 years ago or so? Her friend never did take the treatment and she hasn’t been sick at all.

    But I guess you just never know.

  89. 89.

    The Fat Kate Middleton

    @dance around in your bones: I LURV tai chi .. but then I love yoga, too, because it cured me of my tennis elbow. But that’s not to say I practice either. Maybe tomorrow …

    ETA: mostly don’t exercise the way I should because of falling down the stairs and breaking 7 ribs and a shoulder.

  90. 90.

    handsmile

    @? Martin:

    Well-played, sir! But until the Blog Overlord* deigns to read that message, the hilarity continues on the “Velvet glove” thread, even after more than seven hours.

    *At his age, he first has to put on the damned reading glasses and where the fuck did he put them…..

  92. 92.

    Jacel

    Start preparing the household critters by having the DVD show “The Incredible Journey” on continuous repeat.

  93. 93.

    Jackie

    @Gin & Tonic:

    I agree. John, are you feeling overwhelmed with Zsa Zsa, Tunch, Lily and Rosy? Welcome to my life ;)

    And, still waiting to see how Zsa Zsa and Tunch are relating.

    Love, Jackie

  95. 95.

    David in NY

    Oh shut up Cole. As my Mom said when she was twice your age, “Wouldn’t mind being 40 again, not at all.”

  96. 96.

    dance around in your bones

    @The Fat Kate Middleton:

    Well, that’s me and my relatively recent broken hip – makes you feel kinda fragile in a way.

    Hence, the attraction to slow-moving dance like exercise.

    But – gotta be free. In the park. I’m kinda cheapo like that :)

  97. 97.

    Xboxershorts

    LOL…wait till ya hit yer 50’s ya wuss.

    You think that partially separated shoulder back in 92 hurt then? Think it hurts Now?

    HAH HAH HA HAH HA HAH HAH!

    Medical Marijuana FTW!

    Oh, crap, I live in PA…oh well…Marijuana FTW!!!!

  98. 98.

    magurakurin

    @chrome agnomen:

    too slow for a Hunter S. gag

    I hope nobody takes this the wrong way, because I mean it with total respect…and I’m 50…but it really does my heart good to know that there are so many super cool old people out there. This gang is wonderfully open minded and free spirited….for a bunch of old folks…..Harry Truman? FDR, damn y’all are old ;) I’m breathing a sigh of relief that I’m a Kennedy baby. Age truly is in the mind.

    Cole, quit your bitchin’, punk.

  100. 100.

    Opie_jeanne

    @BillinGlendaleCA: you’re right, most of the people in my program had been drug users, and the first question every time I went to see my NP was,”Are you still taking your meds?” because so many dropped out.

  101. 101.

    mainmati

    Walk a lot. Hike a lot. I know the country you live in. As a Pittsburgh boy I had a chance to visit (though more in western MD). Keep the mind and body always moving. Run with those dogs.

  103. 103.

    dance around in your bones

    @magurakurin:

    Hey, nice comment – you don’t just lose your brains and your cool as you get older, right?

    First thing I thought when I saw the HST was Hunter S. Thompson (Harry Truman never entered my mind – and I iz oldish – I think I’m going to be 60 this year, but I don’t really remember).

  104. 104.

    lojasmo

    @MikeJ:

    ve met your wife. If she gets sick of you tell her to keep me in mind

    Pretty sure if she’s as smart as I think she is, she has been sick of me for a while. Gladly, she’s sticking around. I’ll keep it in mind, though.

  105. 105.

    eemom

    Being 42

    kissed nighty-night to the Ezra Klein thread, now dragging my 5-0 ass up the stairs to join the chorus of STFU, twerp.

  106. 106.

    Mnemosyne

    @Southern Beale:

    I was in good shape until I tore my ACL. It’s 8 years later and I’ve never gotten back to where I was.

    But the change back to Daylight Saving Time happens on March 10th, which means I can start riding my bike to work again since it won’t be dark at 6:00 pm anymore. Yay!

  107. 107.

    opie_jeanne

    @BillinGlendaleCA: My husband gave me the injections too. It was a new protocol in 2005, and I saw the bills for my meds and had a heart attack. The pills plus Interferon cost over $3000 without insurance when I started but had dropped to about $1200 by the end of treatment.

  109. 109.

    opie_jeanne

    @Roger Moore: Good. The doc told me I tolerated the meds really well, as she was threatening to hospitalize me after a month on them because my anemia was severe.

    I hope I never feel my liver again.

  110. 110.

    opie_jeanne

    @Southern Beale: Yeah, you don’t know. My liver was suddenly having problems which made my Vietnamese doctor suspicious, and she had me tested for Hep C. She told me that she gets a lot of people who have moved from there and that’s the first thing she tests for because it’s pretty common in Vietnam. Shortage of goods like syringes, they reuse them several times, resharpen the needles and use them some more, and you can’t sterilize the needles with just alcohol. I was lucky that she recognized the meaning of elevated liver enzymes.

  111. 111.

    mai naem

    Please,Cole, by all means,go ahead and do the Jamaica thing with Tbogg. Just freaking well make sure he teaches you how to take pictures of animals. And, oh yeah, if you picked Jamaica for the weed thing, you can go to Colorado now and do that.

  112. 112.

    cmorenc

    @John Cole:

    Getting old sucks. Being 42 is a lot like…yadda yadda…

    Try being 63, and on the threshold of experiencing first hand the classic Beatles song: “When I’m 64”

    When will you still need me
    will you still feed me
    when I’m sixty-four

  113. 113.

    PopeRatzy

    At 42 I was still playing basketball and softball in leagues with kids less than half my age.

    At 56 (soon 57) I am looking at one hip and probably both knees replaced before I am 60.

    Cry me a river, Cole.

  114. 114.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    Even my lithe, coordinated 47-year old body says, “Fuck yoga!”

    May I be so bold as to suggest jazz dance or stuntman-ing? If I may, then I do.

  117. 117.

    SatanicPanic

    You know when you’re young and people are encouraging you to do stupid things? “Like dude, you can totally jump that on your skateboard” and try to tell you that you’ll regret it later when you’re old and you can’t do crazy stuff anymore. I don’t regret it at all. Glad my limbs don’t ache. Yet.

    Iggy Pop does yoga. I know, it hasn’t made me want to try that shit either. +2

  119. 119.

    peach flavored shampoo

    I’m not understanding the myriad Zsa Zsa refs and recs for pics….whats the backstory?

  122. 122.

    James E. Powell

    Until I read all these comments along the lines of “42 Cole? Why when I was . . .” I had no idea the crowd here was so AARP eligible.

  124. 124.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    I figured that I’d get home from St. Cloud and catch the scores from the high school tournament. Since then I’ve watched most of a hockey game as Lakeville North and Minnetonka are headed to a fourth overtime of their semifinal. Same two teams played in the semis last year; Tonka won in OT. I kind of hope North can return the favor. They played an OT game last night, too and there have been about three stretches where I decided they were finally gassed and Minnetonka was about to finish it. Each time they’ve hung on and then come back for good scoring chances.

    The bigger question is whether either of these teams is going to have anything to beat Hill-Murray tomorrow night.

  126. 126.

    Anne Laurie

    Cole, you’re too far away for these great people, but I remember you seeing a physical therapist after your shoulder surgery so there are PTs within your driving area. Swallow your pride, call the local hospital, and ask about programs for “older adults” (or get your mom to call for you, if you find your voicebox paralyzed at the thought). Look at it this way — just as in this thread — you can be the whippersnapper sexy young stud all the ladies wink at.

    Also, if you can access a pool, swimming and/or water aerobics are good for people with compromised muscular-skeletal systems. If there isn’t a YMCA near you, there should at least be a pool at the college gym… worse comes to worst, one of the local hotels might offer ‘spa passes’ with pool access.

    I am old enough to be your mother (assuming your mom started dating young), grossly overweight, and hadn’t exercised in public since the 1980s. Two or three half-hour sessions at Peoplefit each week, for coming up on a year now, haven’t turned me into a gorgeous hardbody. But they have improved my cardiac fitness, my endurance, and most important my general mood. As they say on Yelp, highly recommended!

  128. 128.

    Higgs Boson's Mate

    BBC’s “Inspector Lewis” provided a great line about getting older.

    “You reach an age where you’re invisible to beautiful women.”

  129. 129.

    Gretchen

    Yikes! I didn’t realize that I was risking getting banned by suggesting yoga! But then I’m turning 60 next week, so I’ve learned a lot about stiffness, creakiness, and joint pain since I was a half-marathon-running 42. I was a limber kid then. Now when I drop something on the floor I seriously consider leaving it there. So no, don’t do yoga.
    @Martin: What a coincidence! Ted and Helen put me up to suggesting yoga also!

  130. 130.

    Violet

    I saw this Melt Method demonstrated on the Dr. Oz show. It’s similar to what a practitioner I see does, using fascia manipulation to treat injuries and help people get back to their active lives faster. It looks like a good method. It sounds pretty simple, fairly inexpensive, doesn’t take that much time and isn’t terribly painful or challenging. Maybe something to look into.

    A family member took up yoga when I was into it for awhile. He couldn’t begin to touch his toes when he started, even though he’s got a high ape index (very long arms). After several months he could touch his toes. He hasn’t gone to a yoga class in years now, but can still touch his toes, so some of the benefits seem to have stuck. He’s older than you.

  131. 131.

    Lee

    Waaaaaay down thread hopefully you will catch this.

    We joke at work that at 40 a switch is thrown and it takes you about 5 years to adjust to the new you.

    Yeah it sucks but all it you have to do is learn to live with the new you.

    You know the same thing as you went from kid to teenager. Teenager to young adult. Young adult to adult….

  132. 132.

    dance around in your bones

    Oh, I also wanted to say that I have been living on Aleve (generic is Naproxen) ever since I broke my hip and they took me off the good stuff.

    I’d still rather be on the good stuff (Norco).

    Damn doctors.

  133. 133.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    Fourth OT in the books. They’ve now played two complete games. (They alternate half length and full length OT periods.) Every time I think Lakeville is cooked the mount another threat.

  134. 134.

    Democrat Partisan Asshole

    42 was five years ago and I’d kill to have it back again.

    And not because I was in a three-way relationship with two lovely 25-year old bisexual women, either, although if you ever get the chance to do such a thing I recommend it highly. And not because I miss the appendix that exploded without warning or pain inside me three years ago. Heh, that one shoulda killed me right there. The body starts coming apart at 40, man, and by 45 you start noticing that you’re feeling worse every year no matter what you do. You can slow down the disintegration – I know I’m in better shape and feel better than you do – but you REALLY need to make a conscious effort to work on your body, and I mean every single day and every facet of it. Diet, exercise, hydration, stretching, hygiene, thinking right, turning off the fucking TV, taking only the meds you need to – all that shit and everything else people are mentioning on this thread. Takes too much time but the alternative is dying while feeling miserable, as opposed to dying while feeling reasonably OK. Because either way you’re gonna die, might as well go out on a high note if you can.

  136. 136.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    And we’re now done with OT #5. If it goes seven minutes into the next period it becomes the longest game in Minnesota high school history, boys or girls. (Minneapolis South and Thief River Falls played 11 OT periods in 1955, but they were only 5 minutes long.)

  137. 137.

    Cain

    Christ, go get some exercise ya bum. I’m 43 and I feel great.. doing lots of exercise and I feel teh same as I did when i was in my 20s. I look better than I did in my 20s, and I get a ton more looks from women now then I did when I was in my 20s.

    You’re in a rut. Get your ass out of the house and do something.. sheesh.

  140. 140.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    Lakeville dominates the first four minutes of the 6th OT and then Tonka scores on just about their first rush up the ice.

  141. 141.

    Dead Ernest

    @lojasmo:
    A hearty ‘Second!’ for the caution of NSAID’s irritating (actually ‘pissing-off) the renal system. And, of course, the better known (right?) risk of causing GI bleeds. A problem that, near exponentially, increases as we age. So thinking one’s safe because “it never bothered my gut before”, is as reliable as “I was immortal before I died”

    /pain physician

  142. 142.

    eemom

    I propose a new rule for the site rebuild, if it ever happens: any post/comment that includes the words “I’m [age less than 50]” goes into the spam filter, and the poster/commenter gets banned forever.

    Clean. Simple. No room for whiny ass e-mails. Consider it, Cole.

  143. 143.

    wasabi gasp

    Get your ass out of the house and do something.. sheesh.

    Sheesh being the sound of slipping on ice.

  145. 145.

    srv

    Cole, you know you’re like 20+ years younger than your average commenter?

    But that’s OK, you have the heart of an old man.

  148. 148.

    Dead Ernest

    @ most All you all:

    Despite rarely commenting, I’m here daily. As this thread is revealing the wealth of folks over the age of fifty, I’m thinking part of why I like it here may be the wry wit, general humor, the burnished insight, and overall virtues that typically (though still rarely it seems) comes along with figuring out how to remain wry, clever and burnished (v. rubbed raw) as more years are survived.
    With the 58th birthday arriving in just a couple days, I guess I’m grateful to find so many of you in one place.

  149. 149.

    Yutsano

    @Cain:

    I get a ton more looks from women now then I did when I was in my 20s.

    Your wife doesn’t read this blog right? :)

  150. 150.

    Death Panel Truck

    I’ll be 50 on March 12 (My brother will be 56 on the same day – he always used to bitch and moan every year about having to share a birthday cake with me.) I’ve dealt with chronic glomerulonephritis since I was 38. I have to maintain a low-sodium, low-protein diet and it sucks. I can’t drink anymore, which to me is the worst part of it all. Although I can smoke dope legally now because I live in Washington, so there is that.

  151. 151.

    Ruckus

    @KS in MA:
    How the hell do you do roadwork at 62? I’ve only got a year on you but I’m about 5 yrs past road work. I have known 72 yr olds who do full triathlons but they were freaks, at least on the physical side.

    For John. I walk 2-4 miles a day but with your history the walking thing may not be so advisable in the winter.

  152. 152.

    karen marie

    Oh, and by the way, the first one of you fucks who suggests yoga (to the fat guy with the agility of a front porch) as a way to relax and relieve aches and pains is getting banned. You’ve been warned.

    I picture Mr. Cole wearing a fluffy bathrobe and shaking his fist.

    The amount of shit you have signed up to shovel is admirable. Once you get past two animals bigger than a bread box in the house, the pressure definitely becomes more noticeable.

    P.S. I liked Stella better for the newest inmate. It’s not too late to change your mind.

  153. 153.

    Ruckus

    @opie_jeanne:
    He should be glad he doesn’t discover he’s got an agressive early-onset prostate cancer because that shuts down a lot of sexy-time no matter the treatment, some of it permanently.
    I spent 4 months when I was in my late 40s worrying about all the fun of early onset pc before they finally figured out I had an infection. Puts life in a different perspective than just having aches and pains. Being told that for the last third to half of your life that nothing below your waist except your legs will ever work again does that.

  154. 154.

    hamletta

    Fuck you, you fucking fuck. I just turned fiddy. Five-O.

    I feel like I just took all my clothes off, and why aren’t the Ventures backing me up?

  156. 156.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    May I suggest yogurt instead of yoga? :p Old at 42? Pshaw, yer just a whiny snot-faced little kid!

    Hell, I got pubes older than you!

  157. 157.

    opie_jeanne

    @Ruckus: Yeah, sorry about posting that. I was being morbid.

    If I could go back 20 years I know exactly what I’d do differently at that moment when we had a choice between giving up our dream house and moving to the SF area, or staying in Riverside, although things might not have turned out better. The path that brought us to that moment was visible from 1980 to 1992, and while I knew it before and never voted for Reagan despite being a Republican, I haven’t voted for a Republican since because of it. It was all too apparent that the people behind them had no notion of ever making things better for the middle class. I was disgusted when Bush I knew it, pointed it out in public, and was silenced for stating the truth. Voodoo Economics. I enjoyed explaining that phrase to Republican callers trying to get me to vote for their guy.

  158. 158.

    Ruckus

    @Odie Hugh Manatee:
    Maybe we should take it easy on JC. I remember as I hit the 40s, how it seemed like things were slowing down and starting to level off, just waiting for that long downhill slide. Of course now that the speed of the train has picked up a bit of speed(OK a lot of speed) I see that hitting 40-45 was just a little glimpse of all the fun to come. John has just had that glimpse and is wondering how much worse can it get. John – lots fucking worse. But the alternative is not nearly as nice and is permanent so there is that.

  159. 159.

    Ruckus

    @opie_jeanne:
    It’s OK life can be pretty morbid some days but I think that’s what living while older is all about, passing on what little wisdom we possess. It sure isn’t about arctic exploration or running sub 4 min miles, or, shit I forgot what else being old is not about. Oh yeah what it is about is letting those coming along behind us know that life sucks but it can still be pretty good stuff if you just try a little bit.

  161. 161.

    Ruckus

    @opie_jeanne:
    I try real hard not to live in the past because there is nothing I can do to change it. What’s done is done. My mistakes? Hell, they may have been minor mistakes while the road not taken may have been a total disaster. Or having not taken the other branch of the road may have been. But I’ll never know.
    And now of course that I’ve said all that I find that as I get older, not looking back is getting harder and harder to do. Wondering where that other branch of the trail may have led to, that’s sneaking into my thoughts little by little.

  164. 164.

    Ruckus

    @wasabi gasp:
    Never ridden with concern. What’s she like as a passenger?
    I do ride with care and some days even a little trepidation. I never ride anymore with water falling out of the sky, I learned too much from racing at 150 while it was.

  165. 165.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @Ruckus:

    I was rolling along fine and then the damned 50’s came along and shit on me. As full of piss and vinegar as I am, I hope to live to be at least 80.

    But boy is it gonna hurt. :)

    @wasabi gasp:

    Got the hot car (Mustang), the hot wife and love to take naps. That and I have an old reconditioned motorcycle. The weather sucks balls so no tossing the wife on the bike and hitting the road yet but we do have plans for this spring.

    Until then, more naps!

  166. 166.

    Fred

    42 was the highlight of my life. My relationship with my swedish girlfriend/buisiness partner was settling into a real nice groove. My business was getting rolling nicely. Said girlfriend and I were living in a great old farm house with horses, dogs and my dream art studio/print shop, within 15 minute drive to beach town with great resaurants. AND it was before I messed up my knee and shoulder. Hell, I could even read without glasses. Life was grand in spite of receeding hairline.
    62 ain’t so bad either. The swedish girlfriend is now the swedish wife and we live by a lake in sweden but damn my knee hurts today and it’s cold out. Don’t think I’m gonna move any firewood this afternoon.
    Ya get up every morning, count your blessings and live within the days limits. If the sun is out that’s gravy in my book.
    So does that yoga stuff really work? I might try it if I don’t have to bend my knee too much.

  167. 167.

    Ruckus

    @Odie Hugh Manatee:
    I’m not sure that piss and vinegar isn’t a requirement to making it to 80 and beyond. Mom lived to 94 and she had lots of it the last 10 yrs. P and V may just keep the end from gaining a foothold.

  168. 168.

    Another Halocene Human

    Thank you, Cole! I’ve been warning the naive for years that yoga is not a one-size-fits-all and can actually injure you worse if you aren’t strong and flexible (and young) when you start it.

    Actually, I often suggest Tai Chi. If millions of superannuated Chinese retirees can do it, I figure it should work for middle-aged overweight guy with the wonky back and various other critters I work with.

  169. 169.

    raven

    At 43 I hit the wall, trashed my marriage and lost it all. Now I’ve been sober for 20 years last week, married for 13 years, getting ready to put a big addition on the house, swim a mile a day and hang around this joint too much. Fuck it and drive one and quit fucking whining.

  170. 170.

    WereBear

    My late Grandma’s pinochle club (over 500 years of human experience!) say 80 is when the wheels start to come off. And this is from hard-working farm wives who fed threshing crews and had lots of kids.

    Myself, I’m early fifties, and actually seeing the results of years of Egoscue exercises putting my tweaked hip & shoulder back into shape. Man’s a genius: my pain started to lessen as soon as I started.

    I do 20 flights of stairs a day. That’s about it for formal exercise.

  171. 171.

    Mary from Ohio

    All of your talk about 42 makes me want to reread “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” so I thank you all for this entertaining open thread.

  172. 172.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @efgoldman:

    I thought I was — pretty sure I’m at least a couple of years older than you — but Felonius Monk has even me beat by a year.

    Felonius Monk wins!

  173. 173.

    HeartlandLiberal

    Having just celebrated my 67th birthday this past Tuesday, and still hurting up and down my entire left leg after surgery to repair three tears in the meniscus in the knee four weeks ago, I am having to struggle mightily to sympathize with Mr. Cole this morning.

    But I always look at it this way, when I remember stuff like my father died at age 62: despite all the aches and pains, this still beats the alternative by one very long shot.

    Despite all this, I am in fact going on a visit to a nature preserve, Goose Pond, in Linton, IN, today, carrying camera bag. I will be using my camera support monopole not just to steady the camera, but my aging, aching body. I hope the birds hear I am coming and show up in force.

  174. 174.

    HeartlandLiberal

    Skimming through all the other comments, just one word of advice. Wherever you are on the age curve of life, start exercising NOW, and never stop. The best thing in my undergrad career was the PE class in which the instructor, who was father of a famous football coach in TN in the 1970’s, looked us young men straight in the eye, and proceeded to explain how at 19 – 22 we were in the prime of our life, but from 26 on, for men it was a downhill struggle with no relief. Either we understand that, and start a regime of physical exercise now, or we would suffer the consequences later. My best friend and I played tennis and racketball at least four times a week throughout college. In grad school, I started jogging, and this was in 1969, before jogging shoes had even been invented. I cannot jog now, age and joints see to that, but my wife and I still walk one hour every day. And in warm weather I plant and maintain a vegetable garden that has grown to 2,000 square feet.

    So whatever you do, no matter how much it hurts, keep moving. Because if you do not, when you hit the 60’s, your body will just lock up, and you won’t be able to.

  176. 176.

    Lurking Canadian

    I will not use the y-word. I will instead make two suggestions. The first is to read a book called “Younger Next Year”. It doesn’t have any bullshit woo, as far as I can tell, just solid advice.

    The second is one that, strangely, nobody had mentioned yet. Start lifting weights. Like tomorrow. Join a gym, have one of the personal trainers make you a plan, then do it three days a week every week.

    You and I are about the same age. About three years ago, I was getting paunchy and stiff and I couldn’t keep up with my son. Three years of weight trainig later, I am in better condition than at any time since high school. Better in some ways. I was always a scrawny kid as a teenager.

    Don’t expect to look like the dude in the birdies ads, but you will experience certain pleasant morphological changes as well.

  178. 178.

    lojasmo

    @Fred:

    So does that yoga stuff really work? I might try it if I don’t have to bend my knee too much.

    Yoga REALLY works. Also, you’re not supposed to do anything that hurts, so by definition, you should never bend your leg TOO much while doing yoga. ETA: SEcond to lifting weights. Just don’t do too much…no more than your body weight. I blew a disc deadlifting 440 (or squatting 220) the disc didn’t go when I was actually lifting. Also, inguinal hernia. But the lifting certainly did make me feel better in general.

  180. 180.

    the lost puppy

    I felt absolutely nothing about being 40 or 42. I didn’t feel old.

    There are worse things than being 42.

    You want to know something that really sucks? Try 50. Seriously, try it and get back to me.

    Oh, and did I mention I’m a woman? That’s a second strike when you’re 50. Just saying.

  181. 181.

    MoZeu

    Actually, being overweight and lacking in agility is a good reason to DO yoga, not a good reason to NOT do it. You’re a silly kid. BTW, you do know there are things like Gentle Yoga, Restorative Yoga, Yin Yoga and other practices that are well suited to people who are not looking for a workout per se. Wouldn’t do you any harm to check it out.

    Go ahead and ban me now. I can take it.

  182. 182.

    jake the snake

    @Higgs Boson’s Mate:

    BBC’s “Inspector Lewis” provided a great line about getting older.

    “You reach an age where you’re invisible to beautiful women.”

    I think I hit that age at 13.

  186. 186.

    Larkspur

    You like TV and movies. Get a treadmill of some sort. Not too many bells and whistles, just a good basic treadmill with a view of the TV. The animals will be mightily amused, and during the non-snow season you can drape their leashes over it to remind you to walk them in the out-of-doors.

  187. 187.

    Roy Greene

    Pilates, less meat cheese more veggies and whole grains, probiotic daily stay away from all processed industrial foods easy to spot as they come in wrappers boxes and bags.

  189. 189.

    brendancalling

    Sounds like you gotta change yer way of living. I’m also 42, and after hitting a 34″ waistline and 165 pounds (most of it beer belly), I took up running. Best decision I ever made: don’t hate, but yesterday for the first time in 5 years, my waist is back to 32″.

    I also recommmend reiki for mind/body/energy work.

  190. 190.

    22over7

    Way late to this thread, but what a great one it is. I love all of you.

    I can feel my 53-year-old body falling apart on me as I sit here, but yesterday I blew the budget and had an hour therapeutic massage followed by a chiropractic adjustment. Heaven.

    John, for the love of christ go find yourself a licensed massage therapist. Get a guy, so you don’t feel funny about it. Every couple of weeks, spend an hour getting rubbed on by somebody who knows what they’re doing, and you’ll feel much better about life. He’ll work on your bad shoulder, you’ll go home and drink a gallon of water and some alleve, and the next morning it will be better.

  191. 191.

    grandpa john

    Shit you are in the prime of life, add 33 more to and see if that sucks.
    My wife just inherited a half million dollars and we are both so medically incipacitated that we can’t do the traveling we always wanted to do. that sucks a hell of lot more than it did when I turned 42 I can tell you.
    Of course our grandchildren all have volunteered to help with the disposal with it via paying off college loans, paying off cars, paying for needed dental work, and such

  192. 192.

    handsmile

    Checking back this morning on this wonderful and wise thread.

    The topic seems to have permitted many to offer frank and wistful admissions/declarations of frailty, compromise, indignation, and determination. I’m especially appreciative of the openness of quite a few here whose commentary on this blog I most value. Perhaps another illustration of that venerable relation of age and wisdom.

    A pleasure to be a part of this crowd. (Me: 56, with a jalopy of mind and body that keeps sputtering along; I walk a lot and I walk fast, a benefit perhaps a necessity of life in the urban hellhole.)

    @Fred:

    The life you’ve sketched seems a letter-perfect description of what bliss would be for me. Congratulations and good luck on its sustenance.

  193. 193.

    danielx

    Woke up dreaming this morning with an Iggy Pop song in the dream – can’t remember what song, but it was pretty good and it was definitely Iggy Pop. Trying to decide what message my subconscious is delivering to me.

  197. 197.

    hhbkln

    also late to the party, just had foot surgery yesterday to have a bone spur removed that has been killing me for two years, thought it was arthritis. I’m trying to avoid feeling like a moron, iow, go to the damn doctor/therapist, etc. Looking forward to being if not sprightly again, at least without that particular pain.

  199. 199.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    @grandpa john:

    I’m sure the recent Carnival disaster probably put you off the idea, but cruises are pretty much made for people with limited mobility. They even have dialysis cruises now — my mom was trying to talk my dad into one before he passed so they could have a vacation with the extended family.

  200. 200.

    Ron

    @Mnemosyne: you’ve captured my fear of going to a chiropractor. I think it makes sense that they can help with joint/muscle issues,maybe even some nerve stuff. But the “chiropracty will cure all disease” people are nucking futs

  202. 202.

    Mark Lass

    Don’t want to be banned and suggest yoga but how about straight to the Hinduism and 42 is so young grasshopper

  204. 204.

    phil

    @Ron: I’ve been to plenty of chiropractors over the years and not one has said that they can cure any disease. I found reading between the lines of their ads or websites can give you all the info you need about their views. Check out the website of the school they went too as well. Review websites are usually not worth looking at.

    @John…if you feel bad at the young age of 42, how do you think you’ll feel in ten years; 20 years; 30 years?? Get off your butt, eat less, and try something, anything, to get you moving again.

  208. 208.

    poptartacus

    Your problem is easy availibility of food. If you had to spend most of your time hunting and gathering, you’d have a lot less time to navel-gaze. So your problem is getting old and life anit turned out quite the way you thought it would. Boo-Fucking-Hoo.

Comments are closed.