Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President.

Let there be snark.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

I really should read my own blog.

No one could have predicted…

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

The words do not have to be perfect.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

You can’t love your country only when you win.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Americans barely caring about Afghanistan is so last month.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Ratz All, Folks! (Open Thread)

Reader Interactions

99Comments

  1. 1.

    aimai

    I’m so upset about Alabama’s new law outlawing abortion after “fetal heartbeat” that I could just spit. Even knowing the Pope has left the building isn’t sufficient to lift my spirits.

  3. 3.

    LGRooney

    Tim Minchin

    So fuck the motherfucker and fuck you motherfucker
    If you’re still a motherfucking papist (fucking motherfucker)
    If you covered for a single motherfucker who’s a kiddie fucker,
    Fuck the motherfucker he’s as evil as the rapist
    And if you look into your motherfucking heart and tell me true
    If this motherfucking stupid fucking song offended you
    With its filthy fucking language and its fucking disrespect
    If it made you feel angry go ahead and write a letter

    But if you find me more offensive than the fucking possibility
    The pope protected priests when they were getting fucking fiddly
    Then listen to me motherfucker, this here is a fact
    You are just as morally misguided as that motherfucking
    Power-hungry, self-aggrandised bigot in the stupid fucking hat

  6. 6.

    Rosalita

    Actually it reminded me more of when King Bush II lifted off from the White House… as someone who grew up Catholic, I find all of this pope drama by the news ridiculous.

  7. 7.

    gbear

    Did everyone sing Sha Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye! like they did when Bush & Cheney’s helecopter left after Obama’s first inauguration? That was such a super super sweet moment. The crowd was so damned happy to watch them go away.

  11. 11.

    beltane

    By choosing to go out in this way, Ratzinger has inadvertently diminished the status of the papacy far more effectively than any critics of the church could ever have done.

  14. 14.

    SFAW

    @Thoughtcrime:

    My sources tell me Father Guido Sarducci has the inside track.

    Well, MY sources tell me that the next Pope will be one L. Westminster “Plucky” Purcell. Especially because he already knows the innards of the Vatican so well.

  15. 15.

    kindness

    Let me guess….The ex-Pope flew off to the Dominican Republic to relax and enjoy the underage sex workers view?

  17. 17.

    Hill Dweller

    Aside from attending Baptist church services in my childhood/adolescence, I’ve never had much use for religion. But what seeped through my thick skull tells me all that opulence seems to run counter to the religion they’re espousing/teaching.

    Also, too, the child molesting can’t help.

  18. 18.

    Felonius Monk

    Better that the College of Cardinals Pedophiles elects a woman as Pope because the House of God needs a good cleaning!

  24. 24.

    YellowJournalism

    Helicopter? Aw, I was hoping he’d fly away in the Popemobile like Danny and Sandy at the end of Grease.

    I don’t know if he was the creepiest-looking Pope ever, but he was up there. We went from Everybody’s Grandpa to Senator Palpatine.

  29. 29.

    TaMara (BHF)

    When I stepped into the shower, the world had pope when I stepped out, the world was pope-less.

    See, now was that so hard. Take your time finding a aged old guy replacement.

  33. 33.

    Roger Moore

    @TaMara (BHF):

    When I stepped into the shower, the world had pope when I stepped out, the world was pope-less.

    I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
    I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
    I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
    And send him on his way.

  34. 34.

    ? Martin

    @aimai: California and New York should pass laws requiring people planning to move to Alabama to have an ultrasound taken of their head and have to listen to a little speech from their physician about possible health risks associated with living there.

  35. 35.

    Tom Levenson

    Gotta say. Make fun of the Swiss Guard unit all you want, but I’ve been up close and I can tell you that there is nothing medieval about the submachine guns they carry.

  39. 39.

    Betty Cracker

    @Tom Levenson: I’ve never seen the Swiss Guard in person, but I figured some of them had to be carrying a weapon besides a pike. Personally, I wish all military uniforms were similarly whimsical.

  40. 40.

    Summer

    I’m willing to highly recommend this guy “As your website notes, the role of Pope includes “Guiding the College of Cardinals, and the masses.” Through my participation in the Freshman Buddy Program, I have helped many younger students through difficult situations, including homesickness and mono.I feel like it is important to give back, a value I believe any organization would appreciate in their Pope.” I think he definitely has the right spirit.

    Posted this in an earlier thread but I don’t think anyone saw it.

  41. 41.

    Culture of Truth

    Michelangelo designed those uniforms!

    And apparently they do carry weapons and must be trained. and Swiss, catholic and single.

  42. 42.

    Schlemizel

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

    The employee from the Van Independent School District had stayed for one-on-one training after class with the concealed handgun license training instructor on Tuesday when a mechanical malfunction with his weapon caused his gun to misfire. The bullet ricocheted, striking the employee

    http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/02/28/17131868-report-school-employee-accidentally-shot-during-concealed-weapons-class?lite

    Feel safer yet?

  45. 45.

    beltane

    @Culture of Truth: The uniforms are quite lovely. The history of Swiss mercenary troops in southern Italy is somewhat less cute and cuddly than most people realize.

    I recommend the movie “We Have a Pope”. It is on Netflix and is very timely and funny.

  47. 47.

    Trollhattan

    Yet more evidence we’re in a post-racial America.

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/moneybox/2013/02/28/racist_businessweek_cover_bloomberg_businessweek_misfires_badly.html

    Am still rubbing my eyes and uttering “holy shit.”

    Also, too, what’s the commie version of Godwin’s Law, because Dana Perino went there.

    Somewhere in Moscow tonight, Vladimir Putin saw that Bob Woodward was sent a threatening message from the White House…and he smiled.

    Yes, because Putin murders journalists, lots of journalists, the White House is JUST LIKE HIM.

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/02/28/1190439/-In-which-the-Obama-administration-threatened-to-send-Bob-Woodward-to-a-gulag-for-thought-crimes#20130228064224

  49. 49.

    patroclus

    In the Presbyterian Church of the USA, we change moderators of the General Assembly every two years and we do it democratically on the basis of one-person one-vote and we don’t get nearly the amount of coverage the Papist child molesters get.

  51. 51.

    geg6

    Ex-Catholic here and I think the whole fucking church could fly off and disappear and the world would be a better place. The only thing I find strange is that this bastard is flying off to live in luxury until he croaks (and hopefully, that will happen slowly and painfully) when he should be rotting in prison for the rest of his miserable life.

  53. 53.

    beltane

    @Trollhattan: I had to check the date of that cover because it looks like something from the 1870s. Also, didn’t Dana Peroxide’s boss peer into Putin’s eyes and declare him a good man? She is but a sad, stupid hack.

  55. 55.

    JenJen

    Open thread?? COOL! I get to post again that the Montreal Canadiens are LEADING THE EAST!

    Not sure how much longer I’ll be able to post my exuberant joy, so please tolerate me.

  57. 57.

    Trollhattan

    @Schlemizel:

    Oh yeah, really supah safe. From (you can’t make this shit up) Galt, California.

    Galt elementary district OKs gun safety course for teachers, staff
    Thursday, February 28, 2013 at 12:00 AM
    Teachers and school staff in the Galt Joint Union Elementary School District will be offered training in how to handle and fire a gun through a partnership with the Galt Police Department.

    http://www.sacbee.com/search_results?q=galt&aff=1100#storylink=cpy

    If I lived there, I’d pull my kid until they knocked this nonsense off.

  60. 60.

    ThatLeftTurnInABQ

    @Trollhattan:

    Am still rubbing my eyes and uttering “holy shit.”

    Don’t despair. In the box at the bottom titled “Slate’s most viral” there are two other articles:

    Supermassive Black Hole Found Spinning Nearly at the Speed of Light
    and
    Woodward Goes Wingnut

    Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

  64. 64.

    Ben Franklin

    Two weeks ago, Wal-Mart stunned the world when a leaked memo discloses that February sales had been a “total disaster” and the company was facing the worst February start since 2006. Today, Bloomberg’s deep throat in Bentonville strikes again, as a new leak emerges. “Wal-Mart Stores Inc (WMT), already struggling to woo shoppers constrained by higher taxes, is “”getting worse” at keeping shelves stocked, the retailer’s U.S. chief told executives, according to minutes of an officers’ meeting obtained by Bloomberg News. “We run out quickly and the new stuff doesn’t come in,” U.S. Chief Executive Officer Bill Simon said, according to the minutes of the Feb. 1 meeting. Simon called “self-inflicted wounds” Wal-Mart’s “biggest risk” and said an executive vice president had been appointed to fix the restocking problem, according to the minutes.”

    http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-02-27/wal-mart-situation-getting-worse-new-leaks-reveal

    The cover story is silly. Wal-Mart has had auto-replenishment of inventory for more than a decade.

  66. 66.

    Betty Cracker

    @ranchandsyrup: “Stand Your Ground” has turned FL into the Wild West. I’d find it hilarious if I didn’t have to live among yahoos with hand-cannons in every shopping center.

  68. 68.

    Trollhattan

    @Roger Moore:

    Hey now, I have hardly any problem correcting her 5th grade math, so there’s that going for me.

    Because schools lose $ every day a kid is out it would be pretty easy for parents to put a halt to this lunacy, but knowing Galt I’m not sure there will be much of an outcry.

  69. 69.

    Calouste

    @Roger Moore:

    Also, most people when they have the time and sight to fire a shot at a car, would be able to identify some of the car’s characteristics, like color, make, type and possibly model.

  72. 72.

    Schlemizel

    @JenJen:

    The undefeated Gopher hockey team begins league play offs Tomorrow. I have my fingers crossed that the last 42 games are not setting us up for the Patriot season. They just need to win 7 in a row now.

  74. 74.

    Mnemosyne

    @ranchandsyrup:

    As with so many of the Florida stories, the guy’s mistake was not killing the shoplifter. If he had, he would have walked free.

    That’s what’s so fucked up about Florida’s SYG law in particular — you can walk away with no charges if you kill the person, but if you only wound them or damage their property, you’re a felon.

  75. 75.

    LanceThruster

    I awoke with MSNBC on this AM to the sight of pope-once-was choppering to his Fortress of Solitude (why does a guy whose very life is spent cut off from the real world need so much “me” time?).

    I am an ex-Catholic-turned-atheist and I still try to wrap my head around that whole ‘vow of poverty’ thing.

  77. 77.

    jayjaybear

    Apparently, Blizzard forced the resignation of the Pope. They found out through player feedback that raid groups were getting bored of “Vault of the Pedophiles” because the last boss fight (Joe the Rat) was too easy. So they retired him and are apparently going to unveil the new boss sometime in late March. I’ve heard rumors they’re revamping the Rat fight and making him the penultimate boss, under the new name “Emeritus”. No rumors about who the new final boss is going to be, though.

  88. 88.

    Maude

    @Ben Franklin:
    Wall Mart cut down on products that they sell. They are having problems restocking some shelves. Some shelves have no product.
    Wall Mart is not as powerful as it once was back when.

  90. 90.

    JenJen

    @SiubhanDuinne: Merci!

    @Yutsano: Squeeeeee! Les Habitants!! I seriously can’t believe this is happening. I might just go taunt a Bruins fan. Too soon?

    In other news, I just ordered a copy of “The Obamacare Survival Guide” from that commercial on the teevee (not really). We’ll have to share. I’m not sure what I will learn, except TYRANNY of course.

  92. 92.

    SFAW

    @JenJen:

    Careful. My daughter is a heavy-duty Bruins fan, it would be unwise to taunt Happy Fun Ball her. (Not sure why, though.)

    Of course, she’s not such a blind follower that she wasn’t blazingly pissed at Timmy Thomas when he snubbed the Kenyan Mooslim Usurper. (My daughter, FSM bless her, is also a raging liberal.)

  93. 93.

    Brachiator

    @LanceThruster:

    I awoke with MSNBC on this AM to the sight of pope-once-was choppering to his Fortress of Solitude (why does a guy whose very life is spent cut off from the real world need so much “me” time?).

    I get the impression that Benedict will be subject to a kind of living death with benefits. There can be only one pope, with all the authority, etc. Even as an Emeritus, Benedict cannot have any influence, cannot offer substantive advice on any church matters, and cannot deflect any of the popularity and stuff that will attend the new pope. Even the little stuff like his being unable to wear the red shoes is meant not to diminish him (he cannot become a mere cardinal again), but to set him apart from power, but still somehow maintain the idea that he still retains some papal honor.

    I’m not a Catholic or religious in the least, but I find it fascinating how they are trying to juggle status and irrelevancy for Benny.

    Yoda, eh? Well, it would be interesting to have a younger pope for once.

    It will never happen, but it would be wild if the new pope selected the name Pope Obi Wan.

    And Yoda would screw with people by electing to become Pope Jar Jar I.

  94. 94.

    JenJen

    @SFAW: Hey, I’m all about the Original Six. Just not the Bruins, or the Maple Leafs.

    I like your daughter already, Bruins fanship aside. :-) This is hard for me.

  95. 95.

    SFAW

    @JenJen:

    I like your daughter already, Bruins fanship aside

    Me, too. (Although I’m a Rangers/Isles/Devils-with-Marty kind of guy.)

  96. 96.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @beltane:

    Didn’t Dana Peroxide’s boss peer into Putin’s eyes and declare him a good man?

    Why, yes. Yes he did.

    At the same time that Putin stared into her boss’s eyes & saw– whatever was behind the back of aforementioned boss’s head.

  97. 97.

    Uncle Cosmo

    BTW, has anyone seen a betting line on the next guy to plant his tukhis on Pete’s throne?

    If the odds are favorable on Odilo Pedro Scherer of São Paulo I would be sorely tempted to put down a few quid. And I’m not normally a wagering kinda guy. OPS just checks off too many good-PR boxes while having neither background nor chops to threaten anyone involved in the systemic depravity at the heart of the Church.

  98. 98.

    SFAW

    @Uncle Cosmo:

    I’d put down a few bucks on Fred Phelps. With the odds I’d get, I could probably retire if he gets in.

    Of course, his reign would probably be shorter than JP1’s was. Seems like a win-win scenario!

  99. 99.

    rikyrah

    it’s like the Pope just said ‘ DEUCES’ to the church.

    I still can’t believe you can just up and give God a ‘two week notice’.

Comments are closed.