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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Getting a Tattoo

Reader Interactions

178Comments

  8. 8.

    PurpleGirl

    Where are you going to get the tat? On the upper arm, by the wrist, at the ankle… or on your neck/face? That’s an important part of what tattoo you get.

    Can we agree that Cole is having a mid-life crisis: gets another animal, initiates a RL meet-up, tells us he’s met a woman and now, he talks of getting a tattoo. Sounds like a mid-life crisis to me.

  11. 11.

    maya

    Shouldn’t you be required to get an untrasound on your brain first?
    Tatts = Herd branding.

  14. 14.

    Mark S.

    Tattoos? Meeting up with commenters? Who the fuck hacked into Balloon Juice and is posting as Cole?

  16. 16.

    NotMax

    Can’t decide between MamaSpatula Tried or MamaTed & Hellen Didn’t Love Me

    Sometimes it’s just too easy…

    Also too: what, not a balloon?

  19. 19.

    Mnemosyne

    Butterfly or hummingbird.

    At a minimum, don’t do what my idiot brother did while drunk and get a swastika on your chest that will be seen 15 years later by the Jewish doctor doing your heart surgery. That was … embarrassing.

  22. 22.

    Strandedvandal

    I dunno what to get, but I know where. The only tattoo I’ll have was done by Dart @ Dart’s Aloha Tattoo. 160 W Slaughter Ln in Austin. His brother wrote the blood borne pathogen policy for the hospitals in KC, and did the same for Dart’s. I trust him, and says quite a bit since I trust no one for the most part.

  23. 23.

    drainflake77

    get a tattoo of a man getting a tattoo. then stand in the middle of two opposing mirrors. you’ll thank me later.

  27. 27.

    ? Martin

    Swastika. Forehead. If crying is your goal…

    Or someone skull fucking a kitten. But who?

  28. 28.

    PeakVT

    Come on, Cole. If you’re trying to tease the commentariat, posts on the theme of “I MET A GIRL” will get a lot more reaction.

  35. 35.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @? Martin: Or someone skull fucking a kitten. But who?

    Pat Robertson? Pope Benedict? Ann Romney? Tim Russert? Brorder’s not recognizable enough.

  36. 36.

    dance around in your bones

    If you’re going to get a gawdamn tat, I strongly suggest you put in in a place where you don’t see it every day. You will swiftly get sick of looking at it.

    I got one on my right butt cheek (by Ed Hardy) waaaaay back in the day, and I hardly remember it’s even there, unless the grandkids see me changing clothes and say “Hey Grandma, why do you have a bird on your butt?”

    Really, only put a tattoo in a place where you can choose who you show it to.

    I really feel sorry for all these kids with tats all over the place who are going to have to live with them into their 80’s.

  38. 38.

    Sandia Blanca

    All of us who come to the meet-up can sign your arm, then you can have our names tattooed on.

  40. 40.

    Suffern ACE

    You could get a steelers logo. But honestly I don’t think that will help identify the body. Maybe the pirates. Who would get a pirates tattoo. A headline of “man with pirates tattoo found” would definitely be noticed.

  41. 41.

    MikeJ

    @cg:

    Realize you can’t give blood for 12 months after getting a tattoo.

    I lived in Engerland. They won’t let me give anyway. It’s like they’ve got something against mad horse disease.

  45. 45.

    Gin & Tonic

    @dance around in your bones: I’ve been hunting for several years for a good investment opportunity in tattoo removal, but there isn’t (yet) a good patented-and-licensed technology like Lasik, and there’s not (yet) any franchise opportunity, but shit, 10-15 years from now tat removal will be a huge business.

  47. 47.

    jl

    Cole’s pets already know that they were not his first choice for his first tats.

    Yes, somehow, some way, they just know.

    And when Cole gets home, well, all I can say is good luck to him.

    Cole should make an executive decision quick fast like a bunny. Lily and the new cat on his left pec (above his heart, how sweet).

    Where Tunch and Rosie should go, that is above my pay grade.

    Edit; and no ‘West, By God, Virginia’?

  48. 48.

    Gin & Tonic

    Yeah, and Cole, if you made it through your Army stint without getting any tats, you can make it through a (business?) trip to Austin without getting one. Don’t be a fucking moron.

  49. 49.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Mnemosyne:

    dont do what my idiot brother did while drunk and get a swastika on your chest that will be seen 15 years later by the Jewish doctor doing your heart surgery.

    Yeah but I bet it made it easier for the surgeon to carve in a nice straight line. Now me, I have no tats, and my heart surgery scar wanders all the hell over the place. And just because there was no nice pattern for the doctor to follow.

  51. 51.

    joel hanes

    On forehead.

    “Poor Impulse Control”

    Step 2: obtain a supply of bamboo spears and obsidian knives.

  56. 56.

    dance around in your bones

    @SatanicPanic: Well, that would be a good thing.

    At this time, it costs a hella lotta money and time to remove tattoos. I mean, I think some tats are great, but the vast majority are just shitty and will most likely be regretted as the kids age.

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Really! I got my tattoo back in the mid-70’s but I think I was smart enough to put it where nobody could see it unless I showed it to them. Have never regretted that.

    If I had something tattooed around my neck or upper arm or ankle or god forbid my FACE I think I’d feel like an utter fool in my old age.

    Think about it, folks!

    (I realize body art is a big thing with some people – like those goofy ear plugs – when you take them out later do you have a huge hole in your ear that lasts forever?)

    eta: I can STILL see the little hole on the side of my nose where I got it pierced in India, wearing a diamond and ruby little star.

  64. 64.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Culture of Truth: THREE STRIKES AND WE’RE IN

    Hah! His flip on immigration suggests he’s going for it, or at least is waiting to see what Hillary does. I’d like to think the country would elect Bernie Sanders before they’d elect another Bush, but I’d also like to think my hair isn’t really thinning.

  65. 65.

    wuzzat

    I vote for Mama, Just Killed A Man or Mama’s Got A Squeeze Box.

    Why settle for making her cry when you can confuse the hell out of her first? You know we’re all going to laugh at you when you bitch about your tat itching, but we laugh because we love. Truly. Also, I’m siding with everyone who said to make sure they put it somewhere we’re not going to see unless we buy you dinner first, ’cause I can tell you from 2nd-hand experience that getting those suckers removed is a major pain in the ass.

  67. 67.

    Debbie(aussie)

    Today has been one of the best days for luaghs around here. I want to second the comments’ what the hell has happened to JGC. Could it be the ‘girl’?

  68. 68.

    jl

    What is with Cole reading his own blog all of a sudden?

    Bored in Austin or what? It’s only 10:30 there.

    IMVHO, Cole needs to get out and do something, and come back with some pics as ‘proof of life in Austin’, as it were.

  70. 70.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    Go with the Merle-inspired tat.

    If I was forced to get one, it would be Woody Woodpecker smoking a cigar- because Taxi, that’s why.

  72. 72.

    MikeJ

    Get a tat that says, “Both sides do it”. Your ass would probably be the appropriate place, but people are going to read more into it there.

  73. 73.

    Donut

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    Lately, when I see him he gives off this weird vibe, like molester-ish and psychopath-y. Is that just me or does anyone else pick up that feeling. Jeb really sets off my creep-radar.

  74. 74.

    Omnes Omnibus

    I know a girl who has “Deus ego sum” on the base of her neck. Of course, she is in her early 20s and stunning. It might not work for Cole.

  75. 75.

    eemom

    omg, look at you people. Can’t you see the man needs an intervention??

    And for heavens sake, get him out of Texas before….before……

    well, ok, maybe even Cole can’t fuck up Texas.

  76. 76.

    James E. Powell

    I would say Rule One of getting a tattoo is not to ask other people what your tattoo should look like. After all, it’s a symbol of your individuality and your belief in personal freedom.

  78. 78.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @eemom:

    omg, look at you people. Can’t you see the man needs an intervention??

    I am trying to point him at the brick and encourage him to step on the gas. G&T tried to be reasonable earlier, and Cole objected.

    Damn the torpedoes. Full speed ahead.

  79. 79.

    dance around in your bones

    @wuzzat:

    Mama’s Got A Squeeze Box

    Well, that would be an awesome tattoo. On your dick!

    I actually knew a guy who had a rat tattooed on his dick that……uh, grew bigger at times. That must have been one painful tattoo.

    Oh, one more thing – the more fat you have in the area being tattooed (like on your butt cheek)the less painful the procedure is. This is good advice, don’t cost nothing and it’s worth the price.

  81. 81.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    @eemom:

    And for heavens sake, get him out of Texas before….before……

    Before he gets a “Tupac Lives” tat?

  82. 82.

    eemom

    I would like to know how many of you avid suggesterators actually sport your OWN, um, “ink”.

    As T says, I’ll wait.

  85. 85.

    Culture of Truth

    how about “Balloon Juice”?

    Failing that, “Nuclear Football Alligator”

  86. 86.

    dance around in your bones

    @eemom: Well, I copped to mine.

    And I never admitted it on a passport form. Only on this nutty blog.

  90. 90.

    Suzanne

    @eemom:

    I would like to know how many of you avid suggesterators actually sport your OWN, um, “ink”.

    Egging drunk people into bad decisions is just another kind of sport, aye?

  92. 92.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @eemom: Oh, hell no. I have way too much sense to do that. When I need to disappear and get to a country with an extradition treaty, the last thing I need is some fucking ink that the feds can recognize. Some of us think ahead even when drunk in foreign climes.

    I am just a bad influence.

  95. 95.

    Sandia Blanca

    Surely someone else has noticed the tag on this post:

    notintendedtobeafactualstatement

  96. 96.

    SatanicPanic

    @dance around in your bones: Yeah, there are a lot of people sporting unfortunate ones whenever I visit Sea World. Kinda sad really. I waited until I was in my 30s to get one, and it’s been a few years since then. I do have another lined up. I’m too careful to just go out and get tons all over the place.

    On the bright side, people still appreciate visual arts.

  99. 99.

    Cassidy

    @SatanicPanic: I’ve got a few, a couple of them just flash. I love it when people ask what they mean and I tell them it meant I thought it looked pretty cool hanging on the wall. I’ve already got my next one planned. The last one was a shoulder piece.

  101. 101.

    Soonergrunt

    @eemom: I have ink. I was young and stupid and had a full paycheck that weekend.
    It is not in a location view-able under normal circumstances. It fits my personality, but not as well as it did when I was 21.

    If John wants ink (which the category tag makes somewhat less likely) he should get ink. Hopefully he will make a better choice than I did.

  102. 102.

    Cassidy

    @eemom: I do. One of them is visible at all times unless I wear a long sleeve shirt. Eventually, I intend to grow it into a sleeve, but I think my wife has other ideas.

  105. 105.

    Roger Moore

    @jrg:

    I think you should go with a Tunch belly button anus tattoo.

    Goatse, man. That would make any sane person cry.

    On a more serious vein, how about an ACR tat. The black horse would look good as a tat.

  106. 106.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Cassidy: I had a friend from OCS who had been an 11B E-6 in the 82d and then got pulled to be cadre when they re-formed the 10th Mountain (yeah, I’m old) who had wings with US Paratrooper under them as a tat. The problem was the bottom of the U had faded so it looked like 11S and people kept asking him what an Eleven Sierra MOS was.

  107. 107.

    Cassidy

    If you really want to get a cool tat, it has to be with tigers and dragons and wolves, etc. The more predators you can fit into it, the more women who will flock to it and throw their panties at you. The Jarhead from Action Figure Therapy says that works for shirts and I imagine it’s times eleven for tattoos.

  109. 109.

    Cassidy

    @Omnes Omnibus: Sweet. I got the one on my shoulder, last year, of my unit’s symbol: the 3ID patch with a cyclone holding a sabot round on it and 4 dog tags for the guys we lost. It was custom drawn and very cathartic.

  115. 115.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q):

    A tramp stamp of a magical pony, or a unicorn.

    Both, facing one another.

    @Cassidy: I considered a Delta Tau Delta when I was in college, but thought better of it. I considered wings after I got them, but I had done my five jumps and was going to a heavy artillery unit in Germany, so I thought doing it was a poseur move. So no art. When I need to disappear, it is only the scars as identifying marks.

  116. 116.

    dance around in your bones

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Although most of your post was incomprehensible to me (never in the military) I remember seeing one of those ‘America’s Worst Tattoos” shows on TLC, and there was a vet who was getting a truly execrable military tattoo updated to reflect his pride in his unit and some of his buddies who died.

    It came out really nice (not muddy and hard to read anymore) and he literally broke down in tears when he saw it. This big, tough, muscly guy crying like a baby and hugging the tattooist.

    It made me cry, too.

  117. 117.

    Culture of Truth

    if you don’t get Jesus riding a dinosaur observed by adoring cats, I really don’t see the point

  119. 119.

    SatanicPanic

    @Cassidy: I got my son’s name. It’s not the most rock and roll tattoo, but I figured he’s the most important thing in the world to me and I won’t regret that one, right? I told that to my friend who was doing the tattoo and he says “actually… I had a guy come in who got his son’s name blacked out, said ‘I hate that fucking guy'”

  122. 122.

    Cassidy

    @SatanicPanic: Wow. The one on my forearm is of a key, like the old antique keys. My wife got one in the same spot but if a locket. The top of the key and locket are the same shape. No names, but it says “mine” which is something my wife always says to me. I love getting tattooed. I just need more money. lol

  123. 123.

    Cassidy

    And if anyone is interestes, there is speculation that Bale could come back as Batman for the Justice League movie…which is dependent on how well the new Superman movie does. So, everyone sack up and go watch the Superman movie, because If I don’t get to see the Justice League on the big screen some time before I’m too old to enjoy going to the movies, I’m going to be pissed.

  124. 124.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @dance around in your bones: Everyone in the military has a military occupational specialty (MOS): it is your job description. It consists of a tow digit number and and a letter. The number is a broad classification 11 for infantry, 13 for artillery. The letter indicates your type of job within the broad category. 11A is an infantry officer, 11B is an enlisted infantryman. Etc., with other letters as things get more esoteric. Then one can add other numbers and letters to indicate other qualifications. Thus I was a 13A05P, which means I was a qualified field artillery officer with a parachute badge.

  125. 125.

    SatanicPanic

    @Cassidy: Those suckers aren’t cheap and I don’t really have whole afternoons to block off to get them done either. I asked for one for Xmas and I still haven’t got around to it.

    I asked my wife if she wanted me to get her name tattooed- she said “DON’T DO IT!”

  126. 126.

    YellowJournalism

    Aren’t you a Deadhead, John? Shouldn’t you already have a tat of Jerry Garcia or one of those messed-up bears? Or a peace sign above your butt crack?

  128. 128.

    seaboogie

    Hey Cole – noticed the tag-line you posted this under…you got a bar bet going on the number of comments any given subject will generate? Kudos for a great subject!

  130. 130.

    srv

    The problem doing one with Tunch is that he’s just too fat, even for John,

    Perhaps a Jackalope.

  132. 132.

    Mike in NC

    Wife is addicted to shitty reality TV shows where all the white trash scumbags are covered with fucking tattoos. Don’t do it.

  133. 133.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Citizen_X: H

    oney, I’m sorry, but nobody gets a fucking swastika tattoo “because they were drunk.”

    The inclination is there. The drunkeness lowers the inhibitions enough to let it out.

  134. 134.

    dance around in your bones

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Thanks for all the info, which I most likely will forget by tomorrow (no slur on you, I’m just kinda like that). I had a friend in the British Army who would explain stuff like that to me for hours (he was a big fan of the SAS) and I swear I do not retain a bit of it today even though I read a whole book about the SAS that he insisted I read. (They are bad motherfuckers!)

    Anyway, all that I wrote above was a total non sequitur. I was just so moved by the big military guy breaking down in tears.

    But, thanks again.

  135. 135.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @dance around in your bones: ‘s okay. Don’t worry about it. Tears are weird. People do them so differently. I’ll cry at a sappy movie, but not at a funeral (well, not in public) Others have their own thing. If someone stabbed my arm with inky needles, I might well cry as well.

  136. 136.

    Origuy

    I’m surprised nobody has suggested this one: FYWP. In that fake Gothic blackletter script.

  139. 139.

    Paddy

    Be careful John. I was in a grocery store a few years back and saw a woman in a black Harley tank top. She was probably in her 50’s and looked as if it had been a hard life. Her single rose tat on her left boob had extended with the natural gravity of age into a very surreal image. Things will change.

  144. 144.

    Mnemosyne

    @Citizen_X:

    They do if they’re major assholes who think it’s funny to offend people. See also what OO said about alcohol lowering inhibitions. Being 20 years at the time did not help.

    Note I did not say this was one of my brothers that I get along with. He at least was embarrassed when he had the surgery and apologized to the doctor ahead of time.

  145. 145.

    PIGL

    @joel hanes:

    the stars my destination.

    Yeah, yeah, you mean Snow Crash, but the ultimate badass tat meme is almost two generations older.

  147. 147.

    different-church-lady

    Wasn’t it like 24 hours ago you were mocking hipsters? And now you’re about to become one?

  149. 149.

    dance around in your bones

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I have a picture of my kid wiping my tears away as I was getting tattooed back in the day. Despite what I said about getting tattooed on the fatty parts of the body, it still hurts like hell.

    The vet was crying for joy at the outcome of his newly refurbished tattoo. It was quite moving.

    I agree, tears are weird things. They break out at the most unexpected things and the most unexpected times.

  151. 151.

    pattonbt

    @eemom: I have 9 tattoo’s (of varying size and styles). The only rule I followed was they can’t be seen “at work”. Though out of work (shorts / t-shirts) some can be seen – and I truthfully don’t care who sees them then. It is interesting to see the reactions of people who have only known me through work when they see them and the breadth because “at work” I’m such a “button down shirt guy”.

    But tattoos are so ubiquitous these days (not implying that since Ive had my tattos for 2 decades that they are less fadish – just an observation) it’s almost more of a statement not to have one (if statements are important to you).

    My only advice to Cole is, remember, its permanent, so stay away from names, pop culture related items, trendy (tramp stamp) looks, etc. Choose something that is important to you and run with it. You’ve got to own it, so make sure you can.

  153. 153.

    dance around in your bones

    @Argo: Well, thanks.

    I’ve been all over the place and I’ve seen all kinda things.

    I like to think of myself as the girl from The Waitresses – except I’ve got different hair.

    “Since when is it a disaster if the S on your cape gets a little frayed?”

  155. 155.

    dance around in your bones

    Ok, Argo – my comment to you is inexplicably in moderation. FYWP.

    I’d also like to warn people away from Chinese/Japanese language tattoos, because they often don’t mean what you think they say. Just sayin’.

  158. 158.

    dance around in your bones

    @Soonergrunt:

    Thanks, soonergrunt! Quick draw McGraw!

    @Yutsano:

    heh. I’ve got my grandkids trained on the “Danger danger Will Robinson!” phrase.

    Generally when they are around the hot stove or doing something exceedingly foolish/dangerous.

    Of course, they have no idea of the context.

  159. 159.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    In the last couple of months I got my first tats(3 of em) on my ankle. The funniest thing was the reaction of the tattoo artist to my piercings, especially my tongue.

  160. 160.

    dance around in your bones

    @BillinGlendaleCA:

    No offense, but all the people I’ve known with studs in their tongues have a weird kind of lisp.

    I don’t even want to know about those piercings in intimate places.

  162. 162.

    dance around in your bones

    @PurpleGirl:

    The daughter of a friend of mine has two Chinese characters tattooed on the back of her neck. Gawd only knows what they really say. Supposedly it’s her name, which is a very unusual one (ok, I suggested the name way back in the day and which I will not spill to protect her privacy) so I doubt it means what she thinks it does.

    Back in MY day, the trendy thing to do was to get an aum sign tattooed on the web between your thumb and first finger. Thank gawd I never succumbed to that fad.

  163. 163.

    Anne Laurie

    @seaboogie: I think people are worried it might be a form of “So, guys, how much mockery would getting a tattoo elicit?” and are eager to ensure that the answer is “Lots, you idiot.”

    Besides, if Cole did intend to get flash as part of his mid-life crisis, he’d go straight to the Five Most Dangerous Words (Redneck Version):

    Hold My Beer
    &
    Watch This
  165. 165.

    Cacti

    Also too, avoid any shop with the words EZ, cheap, discount, or bargain as part of the name.

  166. 166.

    Anne Laurie

    Also too, one of Jeff Foxworthy’s very first “You Know You’re A Redneck If… ” ended “Your mama genuinely admires your girlfriend’s tattoos.”

    Complete with Paul Coker cartoon, IIRC.

  167. 167.

    dance around in your bones

    @Anne Laurie:

    Did you read my “Watch this!” story the other night? The only part that didn’t happen was the Hold My Beer part. Ok, since I don’t grok how to link to that post, I’mma copy/paste:

    Ok, here’s my ‘Watch this!’ story….my sister and I were hitchiking to LA after we got stranded in San Fran (after a long cross-Canada trip with 5 girls in a VW bug) and got picked up by a truck driver. We were cruising along at night (sister asleep in trucker’s little bed in the back) when trucker said “Hey, have you ever seen the phosphorous on the ocean?”

    “No, sez I”, dumb little 15 yr old grrl. He pulls over and we walk along the low little sea wall, looking at the glow on the waves. Then – “Watch this!” he sez, and does a one-handed jump over the sea wall.

    I hear nothing, and nothing and nothing, then a terrible moan way far away. I look over the wall and it’s about 80 feet down to the sand. Run back to the truck and wake up my sister, saying “I think the truck driver is dead or something!” We stand in the highway waving down cars to no effect until a CHP comes along.

    Trip to the hospital, where truck driver has a broken back and the cop tells us trucker had about 3 different ID’s on him. “You girls were lucky! sez cop. “He prolly would have raped you”.

    Cop takes us to an all-night coffee shop where he tells the waitress to keep an eye on us and that he will be checking in every hour until dawn. He did.

    Next morning he took us to the bus station where we scratched up enough dough for tickets to LA. And then there’s a whole ‘nother part to the story about our week in LA at an old guys’ SRO hotel.

    Oh, and I had a handful of acid tabs in my pocket, so I was really glad cop didn’t search us.

    “Watch this!” It’s really real.

    eta: I really might have to try to get to bed by midnight tonight out here on the left coast.

  170. 170.

    JGabriel

    John Cole @ Top:

    Can’t decide between Mama Tried or Mama Didn’t Love Me … Because let’s be real, your first tat should make your mom cry.

    I don’t think I’m ever getting a tat, but if I do, it will probably say, “I Used To Have Potential”.

  171. 171.

    max

    @lojasmo:
    #Bqhatevwr, mom.

    Yeah, but ‘BQHATEVWR!’ (‘What does it mean?’ ‘What do you think it means?’)

    The best one would to get ‘JOE SCARBOROUGH’ done in a circle around Cole’s anus.

    max
    [‘And no one ever sees it!’]

  172. 172.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    I’d go with a classic: “Mother Was Wrong”

    Son’s first tat was a surprise, second one makes me cry. Really? Across your whole upper back?

  174. 174.

    Uncle Ebeneezer

    How about a sweet portrait of you and ABL with “I’ll punch you in the dick” beneath it. Should meet the Mom requirement.

    Whatever you do stay away from the Steelers logo! I’m a life-long fan, but everyone I have ever met with a team-affiliated tattoo is undeniably douchey.

  175. 175.

    kdaug

    @eemom:

    even Cole can’t fuck up Texas

    But, evidently, Texas can fuck up Cole.

    You could go for nostalgia: “m_c was here. cudlips.”

  177. 177.

    rea

    don’t do what my idiot brother did while drunk and get a swastika on your chest that will be seen 15 years later by the Jewish doctor doing your heart surgery.

    Reminds me of the Jean Baptiste Bernadotte story. As a young man, he joined the French Revolution. Later, he rose to the rank of general, then Marshal of France–then quarrelled with Napoleon, and through an improbable series of events, got himself adopted by the childless King of Sweden. When he died at age 81 in 1844 as King Charles XIV of Sweden, horrifed courtiers discovered the tattoo he’d gotten in his youth. It said, “Death to Kings!”

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