Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I really should read my own blog.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

The willow is too close to the house.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President.

In my day, never was longer.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

You are here: Home / Civil Rights / Women's Rights / Vagina Outrage / Woman Arrested With Loaded Gun in Her Vagina — So That Happened.

Woman Arrested With Loaded Gun in Her Vagina — So That Happened.

by | 90 Comments

This post is in: 

This takes “vagina dentata” to a whole ‘nother level:

MARCH 6–An Oklahoma woman arrested Monday on drug charges had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina, according to police.

The weapon was discovered during a search of Christie Dawn Harris, 28, by a female officer with the Ada Police Department. According to a police report, the cop spotted the handle of the five-shot revolver “sticking out from” inside Harris, who is seen at right.

In a less shocking find, investigators also discovered plastic baggies containing methamphetamine lodged in the crack of Harris’s buttocks.

The Freedom Arms .22-caliber handgun was loaded with three live rounds and one spent shell, cops reported. As to where the weapon was recovered, the police report noted, “gun located in suspect vagina.”

First, any vagina with a gun in it — loaded or not — automatically qualifies as a “suspect” vagina. (Grammar is important, guys.)

Second, there was one spent shell? She must have been doing her Kegel exercises.

Third, SHE HAD A LOADED GUN IN HER VAGINA, YOU GUYS.

[via The Smoking Gun]

[cross-posted at ABLC]

Reader Interactions

90Comments

  2. 2.

    Egypt Steve

    Reminds me of a joke that was going around my elementary school when I was like, in the fifth grade. Let’s just say the punchline was: “Better yet, help me find my car and we can drive out.”

  5. 5.

    The Moar You Know

    That’s not a small gun and not a cheap one either. Freedom does competition-grade firearms, the .22 lists for over $2000.

    And…hooo boy I cringe to even type this – all the five-shot .22 caliber versions have ten-inch barrels.

  10. 10.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    Impressive. Dangerous. Expensive weapon. Possibly indicative of (psycho)pathology, also too.

    Tl;dr: Scary

  12. 12.

    kc

    Second, there was one spent shell? She must have been doing her Kegel exercises.

    Bwahahaha!

  14. 14.

    Baud

    If a vaginal gun goes off and kills a fetus, is it a crime or the exercise of a constitutional right? #wingnutthoughtpuzzles

  15. 15.

    YellowJournalism

    Add “Person Who Cleans Confiscated Weapons” to my list of jobs I never want to have, just above “Wal-Mart Greeter” and below “Any Job Featured on Dirty Jobs.”

  23. 23.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Women with guns in their cooters have a way of shuttin that whole thing down.

  27. 27.

    eclecticbrotha

    Let’s see.

    1. Its a good thing the safety was on.
    2. I’ve heard of “snappers” but now we have “cappers” too?
    3. Is that what you’d refer to as an “ammo toe?”
    4. Her favorite sexual position must be “reverse ‘kapow!’ girl.”

    OK, I’m done.

  28. 28.

    Schlemizel

    as a younger man I once saw a show where a woman fired ping pong balls out of her vagina. The was impressive but this act would be killer

  31. 31.

    Poopyman

    @The Moar You Know: The Smoking Gun (heh!) has a picture of the “item”, and I’m relieved (?) to see that it’s a snub nose.

    “I observed at that time a wooden and metal item sticking out from her vagina area,” reported Officer Kathy Unbewust, who added that she “pulled the item from her vagina, and found it to be a 5 shot revolver with rounds in the chamber.

    Adds new meaning to “whipping it out”.

  32. 32.

    pacem appellant

    I wish to point out, rather pedantically, that the gun could not have been sticking out her vagina, but rather her vulva. Most people have never seen a vagina, and never will.

  33. 33.

    danimal

    Sheldon Adelson can update his aspirin joke now… This is taking birth control to a whole new level… She’s armed and ready. What’s the NRA position, anyway?

  35. 35.

    Mnemosyne

    @pacem appellant:

    To get super-pedantic: it was inside her vagina, but was visible sticking out of the vulva.

    Still eewwww for whoever had to check that into evidence.

  40. 40.

    Tara the Antisocial Social Worker

    @Baud:

    If a vaginal gun goes off and kills a fetus, is it a crime or the exercise of a constitutional right? #wingnutthoughtpuzzles

    I was gonna try for a Sex Pistols joke, but this is way better.

    Also, single best use of the “Vagina Outrage” tag on Balloon Juice.

  46. 46.

    AxelFoley

    @The Moar You Know:

    That’s not a small gun and not a cheap one either. Freedom does competition-grade firearms, the .22 lists for over $2000.

    And…hooo boy I cringe to even type this – all the five-shot .22 caliber versions have ten-inch barrels.

    Five posts in and I can tell this thread is gonna be one for the ages in the annals–I said “annals”, not “anal”–of Balloon Juice history.

  56. 56.

    Roger Moore

    @Mnemosyne:

    Still eewwww for whoever had to check that into evidence.

    If they do body cavity searches, the cleaning requirements are going to be nothing new. This may be one of the stranger things they’ve found in a body cavity*, but the rest of the business is probably old hat.

    *ETA: or maybe not. I’m sure the stuff the police find in body cavity searches would shock the average civilian.

  58. 58.

    1badbaba3

    Okay, “gun nuts”? Nah?
    “She really gets off on guns?” Nah.
    “Hey, is that a gun in your hoo-hah or are you just glad to see me?”

    Man, this is harder than it looks.

    Damn, I did it again.

  63. 63.

    Gin & Tonic

    @Roger Moore: An old friend worked the ER in the now-defunct St. Vincent’s Hospital in the West Village (NYC) in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s. All sorts of cringe-inducing body cavity stories, if you get my drift.

  64. 64.

    OldBean

    @pacem appellant:

    I wish to point out, rather pedantically, that the gun could not have been sticking out her vagina, but rather her vulva. Most people have never seen a vagina, and never will.

    What version of the internet are you using? It must be a lot less fun than the one I’m on…

  67. 67.

    RedKitten

    She was just being proactive and trying to keep the Republicans out of her uterus. I see this becoming a trend.

  69. 69.

    OldBean

    I’ve always maintained that those who feel they need a handgun for defense are total pussies.

  70. 70.

    gbear

    I just got back from hearing my vet tell me about the incredibly giant abscess that they just removed from my cat’s ass, and this story grosses me out worse than that. It hasn’t been a good day…

  74. 74.

    1badbaba3

    Pulling the trigger never felt so good. How long before this gets turned into a sex aide or porn?

    Good gravy, I shudder to think of all the wingunut fapping going on over this. There’s so much for them here.

  76. 76.

    opie jeanne

    @gbear: It freaked me out when someone in the comments under the article said that this little pistol DOESN’T HAVE A SAFETY!

    That just adds to the horror I feel for the officer who removed that thing.

  81. 81.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    Ships sail in and ships sail out…

    Not impressed, get back to me when they find a rifle in one. ;p

  82. 82.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    Redneck birth control. I heard that the police found a few million baby makers in a corner of her cooter, cowering in fear.

  83. 83.

    smike

    “First, any vagina with a gun in it — loaded or not — automatically qualifies as a “suspect” vagina.”

    I haven’t had such a good laugh in a long while. Thank you.

  84. 84.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    Nah, they also make itty-bitty holdout revolvers like this one.

    @BruceJ: I knew someone would bring that up. I own one. It’s not made by Freedom but rather North American Arms.

  85. 85.

    danielx

    The crime that launched a thousand jokes…gives a whole new meaning to “concealed carry”, don’t it now? I’m trying to come up with one that plays on the old “this is a stickup!” line but so far no joy.

Comments are closed.