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rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

The republican caucus is already covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

T R E 4 5 O N

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Second rate reporter says what?

Optimism opens the door to great things.

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

They’re not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

We still have time to mess this up!

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

If you are still in the GOP, you are an extremist.

You are here: Home / Politics / Religion / Religious Nuts / Adopt a Cardinal

Reader Interactions

52Comments

  1. 1.

    me

    You should use the latin title “Praefectus Congregatio de Cultu Divino et Disciplina Sacramentorum”.

  2. 2.

    max

    You can’t link it. Darn. I got:

    Name: Norberto Rivera Carrera – Country: Mexico – Day of birth: 1942-6-6 – Cardinal since: 1998-2-21 – Function: Archbishop of Mexico (City), Mexico

    ¡Viva Mexico!

    max
    [‘I wonder how many R’s would shit bricks if the guy was picked?’]

  6. 6.

    Petorado

    Put a fedora on the guy and he’d be perfect for the Sopranos.

    What’s with that angelic smile and beatific look in his eyes? He’s truly thinking of doing the Lord’s work in that picture.

  8. 8.

    scav

    Name: George Pell
    Country: Australia
    Day of birth: 1941-6-8
    Cardinal since: 2003-10-21
    Function: Archbishop of Sydney, Australia

    I’m wondering if one might get a little lonely though (especially as I was selfishly hoping for a more exciting one).

  9. 9.

    burnspbesq

    Now that you’re in league with the Crusaders, when bin Laden’s son-in-law busts out of the MDC and brings Jihad to the heart of the Great Satan, y’all will be the first to go. I pray that your deaths will be quick and painless.

  15. 15.

    maya

    @Petorado:

    What’s with that angelic smile and beatific look in his eyes? He’s truly thinking of doing the Lord’s work in that picture

    Or, a magnificent hunk of alterboy just happened by.

  17. 17.

    handsmile

    @maya:

    Disappointed to see that Tony Scalia was not yet part of PaddyPower’s “Next Pope” list.

    Might have to be a punter there myself to add him.

    ETA: While there, I just might put in a wager as to “How Julian Assange will leave the Ecuadorean Embassy” and whether the giant pandas at the Edinburgh Zoo will have offspring this year.

  19. 19.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Wonder why all these fuckers look maniacally evil instead of wise and beatific?

  20. 20.

    joeyess

    the only cardinals I’ll be adopting are the ones around my bird feeder.

    Until baseball begins.

    GO ROYALS!

  21. 21.

    maya

    @handsmile: Sorry, Supreme Cardinal Scalia is not eligible. To wit:

    How do you solve a problem like Scalia?
    How do you grab a fart and pin it down?
    How do you find a word that describes Scalia?
    A flabby-fasciste’! A wall of a w*p! A clown!

  22. 22.

    BGinCHI

    I got this dude:

    Name: Edwin Frederick O’Brien OESSH
    Country: USA
    Day of birth: 1939-4-8
    Cardinal since: 2012-2-18
    Function: Grand Master of the Equestrian Order of the Holy Sepulchre of Jerusalem

    Horse Cardinal!!!!

  23. 23.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    I’m vaguely interested in Vatican politics, because I always wonder what American influence is, how much of Catholic financing comes from that Domino’s pizza guy and people like my parents’ grade school class mates who “did well,” as we say, while their numbers increasingly come from Africa, the Philippines and South and Central America. I know the aging members of my clan who still go to Mass will shit bricks if the Pope is non-white. And how many Europeans east of the German-Polish border really give a fuck.

  24. 24.

    the Conster

    There’s an interesting little Italian movie called Habemus Papam that begins with a conclave with the cardinals all praying separately that please please lord let it not be them. After the favorites all split the vote, they settle on the French cardinal Melville who never sees it coming, and at the last second before greeting the throngs in St. Peter’s square, can’t handle it and goes AWOL. The conclave can’t disband and hilarity ensues. It has a whiff of prescience about it. Doesn’t the Malachy prophecy say this will be the last pope?

  28. 28.

    AA+ Bonds

    Gay marriage support up among Catholic voters:

    A new poll from Quinnipiac University finds that support for same-sex marriages among American voters is up, at 47-43 percent, and is additionally up among Catholic voters, by a margin of 54-28 percent. . . .

    “Catholic voters are leading American voters toward support for same-sex marriage,” Peter A. Brown, the assistant director of the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute, wrote in a statement.

  29. 29.

    handsmile

    From the “Adopt-a-Cardinal” website (which appears not to be the spoof I imagined) seeking on behalf of “the Cardinal assigned to you…your prayers and intercession during the coming weeks before and during the conclave”:

    “We deliberately have not defined what or how to pray or fast. Everyone is free to intercede according to one’s capacity and inclination.”

    mistermix et al: care to disclose the nature of your own intercession?

  32. 32.

    dance around in your bones

    I should probably wait for an open thread (because I do not give a shit who the pope will be) but – has the site rebuild happened yet?

    I keep getting weird stuff like text overlaid on text, no headers, where the fuck are the rotating tag lines!!? and no funny alt text on photos (particularly by Cole, which used to crack me up), and gawdamn, where are the previous/next links at the bottom of the thread?

    Maybe I should send Cole an email. Rant over.

  34. 34.

    handsmile

    @maya:

    Many a thing you know you’d like to tell him
    Many a thing he ought to understand….

    Oh, how do you solve a problem like Scalia?
    How do you kick a mooncalf in the ‘nads?

  36. 36.

    beltane

    Philippe Barbarin, Archbishop of Lyon.

    If my cardinal is the one chosen do I win a prize?

  37. 37.

    dmsilev

    Remember folks, it’s important to get your new cardinal neutered right away. Wouldn’t want any accidents, would we?

  47. 47.

    scav

    @quannlace: Don’t go out on a limb or anything. Scarey old Catholic white guy with issues has similar odds.

    Alas! Joan is right below putting the tiara on an actual feathered follower of St. Francis and way below Mohammed al-Papa Ist. Sigh.

  48. 48.

    TEL

    I got one we’ve all heard of:

    Name: Timothy Dolan
    Country: USA
    Day of birth: 1950-2-6
    Cardinal since: 2012-2-18
    Function: Archbishop of New York, United States

  50. 50.

    Greg

    Thank you for this! I and all of my friends have adopted a Cardinal. I got Paolo Romero, from Italy. We are going to treat it like Derby Week, but without mint juleps.

  51. 51.

    HeartlandLiberal

    I clicked the link, but apparently Slashdot effect has become the Balloon-Juice effect, and the site seems to be overwhelmed with traffic and cannot respond now. I gave up after a couple minutes waiting for it to load.

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