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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Scent of an Imaginary Woman

Scent of an Imaginary Woman

by $8 blue check mistermix|  March 10, 20132:14 pm| 64 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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Smells Like Teen Spirit
I saw this poster through a window and first assumed that some fragrance genius had been able to bottle the smell of a vacuum, but that can’t be right, so what do you suppose this smells like? Open thread.

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Reader Interactions

64Comments

  1. 1.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    March 10, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    Other than awful, not a clue.

  2. 2.

    Yutsano

    March 10, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    Do. Not. Care. To. Find. Out.

    Also too: isn’t he all Tebow Jeebusy? Why is he out there selling sex?

  3. 3.

    Irish Steel

    March 10, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    Back bacon, eh?

  4. 4.

    Corner Stone

    March 10, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    Are you kidding me? That dude gets more action than Pete Rose’s bookie.

  5. 5.

    Lynn Dee

    March 10, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    Bubblegum?

  6. 6.

    TGC

    March 10, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    @Yutsano:

    No, I think that’s his mom. He did say we Americans were evil for not having universal health care like they do in Canada. So there is that.

  7. 7.

    AnonPhenom

    March 10, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    smells like teen spirit

    Oh shut up, is too funny!

  8. 8.

    K488

    March 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    It’s the smell of imagination! (Said in that SpongeBob sort of way…)

  9. 9.

    aimai

    March 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    That is hysterical. If ever a picture was worth a thousand words. It should be titled

    “Hope Springs Eternal In the Female Breast”

    or

    “No Deposit/No Return.”

    He couldn’t look more bewildered and disinterested if he were a cardboard cutout being nuzzled by that girl.

  10. 10.

    Yutsano

    March 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    @TGC: I thought he gave several Jeebusy interviews to a couple of Christian teen mags. Oh well doesn’t matter, he’s fast approaching his drug-induced burn-out date.

  11. 11.

    FlipYrWhig

    March 10, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    @Yutsano: I think that was the early days. But he’s been simultaneously cultivating an image as a horndog since the beginning, hasn’t he?

  12. 12.

    FlipYrWhig

    March 10, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    @aimai: I think it’s supposed to be “This girl’s all up on me, but I’d rather be with you.” That’s why he looks vaguely troubled while meeting the viewer’s gaze.

  13. 13.

    pamelabrown53

    March 10, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    Smells like “He’s Just(in) Not Into You” or She smells musk and He smells himself.

  14. 14.

    Mo

    March 10, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    Aftershave?

    Apologies. I’m just annoyed that I couldn’t find the shampoo I’ve been using, bought what I thought was similar from the same brand (cough*Loreal*cough). Didn’t pay attention to the scent, which turns out to be Rosemary Mint. My hair looks great but I smell like I’m wearing a nasty aftershave and have been sucking on too many breath mints, I think I’m going to start calling it “Justin Bieber’s Girlfriend.”

  15. 15.

    Hill Dweller

    March 10, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    The late, great Bill Hicks on pop stars/boy bands.(NSFW)

  16. 16.

    AnonPhenom

    March 10, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    @FlipYrWhig:

    Yeah, yer right! I’ve seen Tom Cruise with that same look.

  17. 17.

    different-church-lady

    March 10, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    “Cecily Tyson’s Toothbrush“

  18. 18.

    danielx

    March 10, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    Lately it seems that every time I think I’m seeing something that’s a parody, it turns out to be real. Here’s another:

    Charlie Sheen wants to be Lindsay Lohan’s mentor.

    I thought he already was.

    I’m thinking of a new line of tshirts – instead of WWJD, it will say WWCD on the front. Or WWLD, I can’t quite make up my mind…

  19. 19.

    pamelabrown53

    March 10, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    @danielx:

    OR…WWCPS (What would Charles Pierce Say)? Tiger Beat on the Potomac?

  20. 20.

    sm*t cl*de

    March 10, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    Homeopathy enters the perfume industry.

  21. 21.

    gogol's wife

    March 10, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    Could you dog owners please tell me why my next-door neighbors think it’s okay to leave their dog out all beautiful Sunday afternoon to bark loudly at everyone who comes down the street? And our street leads to the nice woods, so lots of people come down the street on a beautiful Sunday afternoon? So I’m being driven round the bend by barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark. I just do not get this sociopathic behavior. Why don’t they take their own dog for a walk so he stops barking at everyone else’s dogs?

    ETA: And don’t tell me to have a word with them. They’re sociopaths. The last time I tried it, they complained that I play the piano (which happens for no more than an hour at a time, 5:00 to 6:00 PM, by no means every day, and it’s INSIDE MY HOUSE WITH THE WINDOWS CLOSED).

  22. 22.

    Petorado

    March 10, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    Shouldn’t you be going by “Mister Cardinal Mix” to follow red beanie protocol?

  23. 23.

    Biff Longbotham

    March 10, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    The way the bottle in the Bieber ad is drawn reminds me of the doohickey in the annoying “Power Companies Hate This” web ad on this site.

  24. 24.

    Bob In Portland

    March 10, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    Does the “FEMA coffins revealed” video have anything to do with the scent?

  25. 25.

    Amir Khalid

    March 10, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    @danielx:
    I’m not seeing how Lindsay Lohan could become any more of a train wreck than she is now. But you have to admit this: if there’s anyone qualified to coach her, it’s Charlie Sheen.

  26. 26.

    Schlemizel

    March 10, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    I’m guessing it smells like glove.

  27. 27.

    handsmile

    March 10, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    @gogol’s wife:

    Why you dog-hating, elitist Russkie-o-phile! That patriotic pooch is keeping the neighborhood safe from moochers and looters, ‘cuz I just know you’re the type trying to keep every homeowner from proudly bearing a firearm.

    And I just bet you’re bangin’ away at Rachmaninoff or Mussorgsky or some other proto-Commie. What decent American wouldn’t complain?

    Thank our Lord and Savior JC (or JB) that FX television now has an expose (“The Americans”) on people like you.

  28. 28.

    HelpThe99ers

    March 10, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    I’m not sure what it would smell like, but essence of bubblegum, cotton candy and My Little Pony have to be in the mix somehow.

    Is it me, or does he look like he’s channeling Derek Zoolander’s Blue Steel look?

    And why isn’t it called “Justin Bieber’s Spin The Bottle”?

  29. 29.

    WereBear

    March 10, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    @gogol’s wife: I’d see if the dog could be placed with a shelter who could get him a real home. The kind of behavior you describe is that of a dog desperate for company. That’s what he’s asking for.

    They’re ignoring him. They always ignore him.

  30. 30.

    Mystical Chick

    March 10, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    Biebs always has that “huh?” look on his face. Just a vapid dolt, IMO. I, not being a 13 year old girl any longer, do not get the allure.

    Back in my day, we had the still effeminate looking David Cassidy but at least looked like there were a few thoughts going on in his head. Biebs? Not so much.

  31. 31.

    gogol's wife

    March 10, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    @WereBear:

    You don’t know how close to the mark you are. Their last dog had to be put down by court order because it kept “getting loose” and killing other dogs and biting children (the same girl twice). Their reaction? To bring home two new dogs, put up an ugly chicken-wire fence in the backyard, and leave them out there all day. I called Animal Control (which in our town consists of one woman), and she spent the whole call telling me what a wonderful, concerned dog owner my neighbor is. It’s bizarro world around here.

  32. 32.

    gogol's wife

    March 10, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    @handsmile:

    When I attempt to play Rachmaninoff or Mussorgsky it really is cause for complaint!

  33. 33.

    Goblue72

    March 10, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    Smells like a closet.

  34. 34.

    Jamey

    March 10, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    Astroglide.

  35. 35.

    eclecticbrotha

    March 10, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    I will never understand grown folks’ obsession with teen idols.

  36. 36.

    eclecticbrotha

    March 10, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    I will never understand grown folks’ obsession with teen idols.

  37. 37.

    Gian

    March 10, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    Couldn’t see the picture had to scroll through comments to see it wasn’t the flower than the heisman hyper linebacker from ND

  38. 38.

    Southern Beale

    March 10, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    We just saw “Les Miserables,” because it was the only mildly interesting movie at the multiplex. Good grief what a fucking ordeal that was. By the end I just wanted everyone to DIE ALREADY so I get go the fuck to lunch.

  39. 39.

    Woodrowfan

    March 10, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    Old Spice

  40. 40.

    gnomedad

    March 10, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    The stupid, it burns!
    Gabby Giffords’s Husband Buys AR-15 to Make a Point: #Wingnuts Seethe With Rage

  41. 41.

    gogol's wife

    March 10, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    @gnomedad:

    That’s so interesting and so sad.

  42. 42.

    WereBear

    March 10, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    @gogol’s wife: Ack. Couple of sociopaths. The dangerous kind; the charming ones.

  43. 43.

    gnomedad

    March 10, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    @sm*t cl*de:

    Homeopathy enters the perfume industry.

    Now that there is an intriguing concept. If you dilute it enough, it should be overpowering, and the skeptics will be vanquished.

  44. 44.

    Yutsano

    March 10, 2013 at 5:34 pm

    @gnomedad: I just…wow. Just wow.

  45. 45.

    YellowJournalism

    March 10, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    @gnomedad: My favorite part of the story is how they act like there was serious journalism and investigations going on to find out he bought the gun when anyone could access the info on Mark’s Facebook page!

  46. 46.

    ranchandsyrup

    March 10, 2013 at 5:48 pm

    Last week was a rough week. Last minute trip to east coast involved sprinting through Minneapolis airport to catch a connection. Nothing is funnier than a grown man in a suit running so I made some other people’s night. They held the flight for me and announced that I made it which earned me some mad dogging from my fellow passengers while I was sweating profusely.

    Got a flat tire and figured out that I didn’t have all of the parts necessary to change the tire. Crept the car to the tire place and waited a couple of hours. While I was there our cattle dog knocked over a box (in the pantry which we usually lock) that had a bunch of baking supplies. The dingo ate 2 bags of chocolate and a half container of oats. When I got home he looked like a stuffed sausage and wasn’t walking right. Headed to the vet and he spent the night. He’s still on the mend but is doing much better. Scared the hell out of us and we gave tightened protocols.
    End of venting.

  47. 47.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2013 at 5:53 pm

    @gnomedad:

    I’m guessing part of what they’re pissed off about is that he took an AR-15 off the market and will be turning it in to the gubbmint so a Real True Patriot can’t use it to shoot up his local elementary school.

  48. 48.

    HE Pennypacker, Wealthy Industrialist

    March 10, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Clearly it smells like Justin Bieber’s girlfriend.

  49. 49.

    Southern Beale

    March 10, 2013 at 5:55 pm

    @gnomedad:

    They aren’t being stupid. They’re misinforming their readers, on purpose, because you have to keep their minions in a state of high dudgeon to keep the donations flowing in.

  50. 50.

    gnomedad

    March 10, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    @Southern Beale:

    They aren’t being stupid. They’re misinforming their readers, on purpose, because you have to keep their minions in a state of high dudgeon to keep the donations flowing in.

    Completely agree. Strategic stupidity, if you please. And check out the comments at Capt. Kelly’s Facebook post. Some of the nicer ones imply that he violated the law (hypocrite!) by buying the gun with the intention of giving to the police.

  51. 51.

    1badbaba3

    March 10, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    Do holograms have a smell?

  52. 52.

    Nutella

    March 10, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    The girl on the poster doesn’t seem to be his girlfriend or even an acquaintance. They photoshopped two images together and just deleted her nose.

  53. 53.

    Cygil

    March 10, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    Bieber’s Girlfriend smells like beard, silly.

  54. 54.

    grandpa john

    March 10, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    @HE Pennypacker, Wealthy Industrialist: Bieber’s on/off girl friend , Selena Gomez. And while he may not be interested I would be more than willing to let her sniff on me any time she wants to.

  55. 55.

    Patricia Kayden

    March 10, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    “smell of a vacuum”

    How mean! I’m sure the tweens will be buying it by the gallon.

  56. 56.

    Misterpuff

    March 10, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    Rainbows and Unicorn Sweat

  57. 57.

    Heliopause

    March 10, 2013 at 7:41 pm

    what do you suppose this smells like?

    Wow, you’re just begging for some extremely crude jokes here, aren’t you.

  58. 58.

    Allen

    March 10, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    Like the vast majority of celebrity scents, it probably smells terrible, like every other “blue” scent out there.

    One exception to that rule, by the way, surprisingly is Paris Hilton for Men, which is unusual and pleasant. It is the only one of my many scents that repeatedly gets compliments whenever I wear it.

  59. 59.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    Okay, I finally broke down and looked it up on Sephora:

    Sparkling Pear, Crisp Mandarin, Rich Blackberry, Mara Strawberry, Pink Freesia, Star Jasmine, Apricot Nectar, Orange Blossom, Vanilla Orchid, Luminous Musk

    So, your basic fruity floral, suitable for a teenager or pre-teen.

  60. 60.

    aimai

    March 10, 2013 at 9:17 pm

    @pamelabrown53:

    Perfect.

  61. 61.

    aimai

    March 10, 2013 at 9:18 pm

    @pamelabrown53:

    Perfect.

  62. 62.

    Librarian

    March 10, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    There used to be a Soviet perfume which Russians called “Stalin’s Breath”, so maybe this could be nicknamed “Justin Beiber’s Breath.”

  63. 63.

    marshall

    March 10, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    What I wonder is who they think is going to buy it. I see his perfume (and ugly mug) advertised all over the place in department store perfume counters here in Virginia, and the clientele there does not look very teenager.

  64. 64.

    Jebediah

    March 11, 2013 at 10:43 am

    @marshall:
    Maybe they expect moms to be buying it for their tweens?

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