Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

All your base are belong to Tunch.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Not all heroes wear capes.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

I really should read my own blog.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

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Reader Interactions

64Comments

  2. 2.

    Yutsano

    Do. Not. Care. To. Find. Out.

    Also too: isn’t he all Tebow Jeebusy? Why is he out there selling sex?

  6. 6.

    TGC

    @Yutsano:

    No, I think that’s his mom. He did say we Americans were evil for not having universal health care like they do in Canada. So there is that.

  9. 9.

    aimai

    That is hysterical. If ever a picture was worth a thousand words. It should be titled

    “Hope Springs Eternal In the Female Breast”

    or

    “No Deposit/No Return.”

    He couldn’t look more bewildered and disinterested if he were a cardboard cutout being nuzzled by that girl.

  10. 10.

    Yutsano

    @TGC: I thought he gave several Jeebusy interviews to a couple of Christian teen mags. Oh well doesn’t matter, he’s fast approaching his drug-induced burn-out date.

  11. 11.

    FlipYrWhig

    @Yutsano: I think that was the early days. But he’s been simultaneously cultivating an image as a horndog since the beginning, hasn’t he?

  12. 12.

    FlipYrWhig

    @aimai: I think it’s supposed to be “This girl’s all up on me, but I’d rather be with you.” That’s why he looks vaguely troubled while meeting the viewer’s gaze.

  13. 13.

    pamelabrown53

    Smells like “He’s Just(in) Not Into You” or She smells musk and He smells himself.

  14. 14.

    Mo

    Aftershave?

    Apologies. I’m just annoyed that I couldn’t find the shampoo I’ve been using, bought what I thought was similar from the same brand (cough*Loreal*cough). Didn’t pay attention to the scent, which turns out to be Rosemary Mint. My hair looks great but I smell like I’m wearing a nasty aftershave and have been sucking on too many breath mints, I think I’m going to start calling it “Justin Bieber’s Girlfriend.”

  21. 21.

    gogol's wife

    Could you dog owners please tell me why my next-door neighbors think it’s okay to leave their dog out all beautiful Sunday afternoon to bark loudly at everyone who comes down the street? And our street leads to the nice woods, so lots of people come down the street on a beautiful Sunday afternoon? So I’m being driven round the bend by barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark. I just do not get this sociopathic behavior. Why don’t they take their own dog for a walk so he stops barking at everyone else’s dogs?

    ETA: And don’t tell me to have a word with them. They’re sociopaths. The last time I tried it, they complained that I play the piano (which happens for no more than an hour at a time, 5:00 to 6:00 PM, by no means every day, and it’s INSIDE MY HOUSE WITH THE WINDOWS CLOSED).

  22. 22.

    Petorado

    Shouldn’t you be going by “Mister Cardinal Mix” to follow red beanie protocol?

  23. 23.

    Biff Longbotham

    The way the bottle in the Bieber ad is drawn reminds me of the doohickey in the annoying “Power Companies Hate This” web ad on this site.

  25. 25.

    Amir Khalid

    @danielx:
    I’m not seeing how Lindsay Lohan could become any more of a train wreck than she is now. But you have to admit this: if there’s anyone qualified to coach her, it’s Charlie Sheen.

  27. 27.

    handsmile

    @gogol’s wife:

    Why you dog-hating, elitist Russkie-o-phile! That patriotic pooch is keeping the neighborhood safe from moochers and looters, ‘cuz I just know you’re the type trying to keep every homeowner from proudly bearing a firearm.

    And I just bet you’re bangin’ away at Rachmaninoff or Mussorgsky or some other proto-Commie. What decent American wouldn’t complain?

    Thank our Lord and Savior JC (or JB) that FX television now has an expose (“The Americans”) on people like you.

  28. 28.

    HelpThe99ers

    I’m not sure what it would smell like, but essence of bubblegum, cotton candy and My Little Pony have to be in the mix somehow.

    Is it me, or does he look like he’s channeling Derek Zoolander’s Blue Steel look?

    And why isn’t it called “Justin Bieber’s Spin The Bottle”?

  29. 29.

    WereBear

    @gogol’s wife: I’d see if the dog could be placed with a shelter who could get him a real home. The kind of behavior you describe is that of a dog desperate for company. That’s what he’s asking for.

    They’re ignoring him. They always ignore him.

  30. 30.

    Mystical Chick

    Biebs always has that “huh?” look on his face. Just a vapid dolt, IMO. I, not being a 13 year old girl any longer, do not get the allure.

    Back in my day, we had the still effeminate looking David Cassidy but at least looked like there were a few thoughts going on in his head. Biebs? Not so much.

  31. 31.

    gogol's wife

    @WereBear:

    You don’t know how close to the mark you are. Their last dog had to be put down by court order because it kept “getting loose” and killing other dogs and biting children (the same girl twice). Their reaction? To bring home two new dogs, put up an ugly chicken-wire fence in the backyard, and leave them out there all day. I called Animal Control (which in our town consists of one woman), and she spent the whole call telling me what a wonderful, concerned dog owner my neighbor is. It’s bizarro world around here.

  37. 37.

    Gian

    Couldn’t see the picture had to scroll through comments to see it wasn’t the flower than the heisman hyper linebacker from ND

  38. 38.

    Southern Beale

    We just saw “Les Miserables,” because it was the only mildly interesting movie at the multiplex. Good grief what a fucking ordeal that was. By the end I just wanted everyone to DIE ALREADY so I get go the fuck to lunch.

  43. 43.

    gnomedad

    @sm*t cl*de:

    Homeopathy enters the perfume industry.

    Now that there is an intriguing concept. If you dilute it enough, it should be overpowering, and the skeptics will be vanquished.

  45. 45.

    YellowJournalism

    @gnomedad: My favorite part of the story is how they act like there was serious journalism and investigations going on to find out he bought the gun when anyone could access the info on Mark’s Facebook page!

  46. 46.

    ranchandsyrup

    Last week was a rough week. Last minute trip to east coast involved sprinting through Minneapolis airport to catch a connection. Nothing is funnier than a grown man in a suit running so I made some other people’s night. They held the flight for me and announced that I made it which earned me some mad dogging from my fellow passengers while I was sweating profusely.

    Got a flat tire and figured out that I didn’t have all of the parts necessary to change the tire. Crept the car to the tire place and waited a couple of hours. While I was there our cattle dog knocked over a box (in the pantry which we usually lock) that had a bunch of baking supplies. The dingo ate 2 bags of chocolate and a half container of oats. When I got home he looked like a stuffed sausage and wasn’t walking right. Headed to the vet and he spent the night. He’s still on the mend but is doing much better. Scared the hell out of us and we gave tightened protocols.
    End of venting.

  47. 47.

    Mnemosyne

    @gnomedad:

    I’m guessing part of what they’re pissed off about is that he took an AR-15 off the market and will be turning it in to the gubbmint so a Real True Patriot can’t use it to shoot up his local elementary school.

  49. 49.

    Southern Beale

    @gnomedad:

    They aren’t being stupid. They’re misinforming their readers, on purpose, because you have to keep their minions in a state of high dudgeon to keep the donations flowing in.

  50. 50.

    gnomedad

    @Southern Beale:

    They aren’t being stupid. They’re misinforming their readers, on purpose, because you have to keep their minions in a state of high dudgeon to keep the donations flowing in.

    Completely agree. Strategic stupidity, if you please. And check out the comments at Capt. Kelly’s Facebook post. Some of the nicer ones imply that he violated the law (hypocrite!) by buying the gun with the intention of giving to the police.

  52. 52.

    Nutella

    The girl on the poster doesn’t seem to be his girlfriend or even an acquaintance. They photoshopped two images together and just deleted her nose.

  55. 55.

    Patricia Kayden

    “smell of a vacuum”

    How mean! I’m sure the tweens will be buying it by the gallon.

  57. 57.

    Heliopause

    what do you suppose this smells like?

    Wow, you’re just begging for some extremely crude jokes here, aren’t you.

  58. 58.

    Allen

    Like the vast majority of celebrity scents, it probably smells terrible, like every other “blue” scent out there.

    One exception to that rule, by the way, surprisingly is Paris Hilton for Men, which is unusual and pleasant. It is the only one of my many scents that repeatedly gets compliments whenever I wear it.

  59. 59.

    Mnemosyne

    Okay, I finally broke down and looked it up on Sephora:

    Sparkling Pear, Crisp Mandarin, Rich Blackberry, Mara Strawberry, Pink Freesia, Star Jasmine, Apricot Nectar, Orange Blossom, Vanilla Orchid, Luminous Musk

    So, your basic fruity floral, suitable for a teenager or pre-teen.

  62. 62.

    Librarian

    There used to be a Soviet perfume which Russians called “Stalin’s Breath”, so maybe this could be nicknamed “Justin Beiber’s Breath.”

  63. 63.

    marshall

    What I wonder is who they think is going to buy it. I see his perfume (and ugly mug) advertised all over the place in department store perfume counters here in Virginia, and the clientele there does not look very teenager.

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