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You are here: Home / Politics / Media / Katie at Townhall White-Splains It All to You People

Katie at Townhall White-Splains It All to You People

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Thers at Whiskey Fire introduces readers to a typing cream cheese sculpture over at Townhall: Columnist Katie Kieffer (a name which is surely the “Shaniqua Washington” of my tribe) presents three “brilliant black leaders” who are a credit to their race and hopes that “the black community starts listening to brilliant black leaders who can and will help them succeed.”

From one cream cheese sculpture to another, please shut up, Katie. You’re embarrassing us!

Reader Interactions

152Comments

  5. 5.

    Patricia Kayden

    And what makes Ms. Thang think we Black folks are interested in her opinion on which Blacks we should be emulating?

    Perhaps ABL should write a post on which White folks should be emulated by other White folks. Just saying.

  7. 7.

    eric

    @Patricia Kayden: yo yo yo…homie, check it out….us whiteys know how to roll, dog. Cause cos, we all that….you feel me. we know how y’all talk and shit and get all up in our grills when talking about your rims and shot. for realz. so dig our sound when we preaching the Gospel according to Rand. i am out of here. (throws down mic)

  9. 9.

    Zam

    Clearly black people are too dumb to make these decisions for themselves, that or too greedy for government handouts to think for themselves. It’s not racist how else could you possibly explain why Obama won?

  10. 10.

    rikyrah

    I actually clicked on the link because I did have to know which Black folk I should be listening to.

    The clown listed there was a paid stooge of Dubya. Got paid a half million. and if President Obama had given him a half a million, he’d say that POTUS was wonderful.

    stop shoving slave catching sambos in our face, like we don’t recognize them from a mile away.

  11. 11.

    The Moar You Know

    Katie is super-cute. That’s the last nice thing I’ll say about her.

    She thinks:

    1. Giving black people more guns is a great idea. That probably won’t fly with most of her racist conservative fellow travelers.

    2. Dismantle Medicaid.

    3. something something socialism

    This seems more like a program for eliminating the black population, not making their lives better. But then again, I’m pretty sure that’s the conservative agenda anyhow.

  13. 13.

    Highway Rob

    Can we have a reverse Racial Draft (tm Dave Chappelle) where the various races and ethnicities take it in turns to kick folks the fuck out? I think this young lady would make an excellent late round hick pick for us crackers to show the door.

  14. 14.

    scav

    Does their dictionary define outreach as “Reaching out and slapping someone while saying Listen dummy, do what I tell you to?”

  16. 16.

    NonyNony

    Who is this idiot and why do should I care what she thinks?

    Her biography at ClownHall is fluff, and she’s not important enough to have her own Wikipedia entry yet.

    (And she posts at ClownHall, which is sufficient for me to write her off as an idiot nobody should be listening to. Still she may be the next Megan McArdle, so i suppose I should be ready to recognize her name in the future or something.)

  17. 17.

    schrodinger's cat

    Katie has nice hair, unfortunately, there is nothing under the nice head of hair.

  18. 18.

    schrodinger's cat

    Minority outreach, GOP style. And they wonder why any one with a brain won’t vote for the GOP.

  19. 19.

    Southern Beale

    The Paul Ryan Budget, now with electrolytes!

    So, now that we all know the Republicans aren’t planning to be serious on fiscal issues, can we tell them to go outside and play with their Atlas Shrugged action figures and leave the budget balancing to the grown-ups?

  21. 21.

    Jay C

    So I wonder if Ms. Katie. K. Kieffer has ever bothered to ask any of her black friends or acquaintances (assuming for sake of arguments that she actually has any) exactly why it is they might prefer President Obama’s “leadership” to that of Mr. Harry Alford, “the CEO and co-founder of the Black Chamber of Commerce.”? Maybe some simple factors like:

    1. Mr. Obama is President of United States, and Mr. Alford isn’t?
    2. No one (Black or White) knows WTF the “Black Chamber of Commerce” is (or could care less)?
    3. Black people can actually read and think for themselves, and dismiss characterizations of Barack Obama as “an anti-business tyrant” for the nonsense they are?

    Or are these concepts too subtle for Ms. Kieffer to grasp?

  23. 23.

    kc

    Shorter Katie Kieffer: “A black person who tunes out Obama is a brilliant black person, but a black person who doesn’t is just a . . . “

  24. 24.

    jl

    @The Moar You Know: Not sure whether the Townhall piece was better or worse than I expected. I guess pitch that best way to improve disadvantaged communities is to embrace three apparently randomly chosen wingnut mindless policy obsessions is candid, honest and brainless enough to be ‘better’ in some sense.

  26. 26.

    scav

    It also provides at least one side of the “Obama won by offering those moochers goodies!” and “What has Obama ever done for them?” disconnect to provide the Seal of Republican Logic Approval.

  28. 28.

    ? Martin

    Holy shit, there are photos. She IS Katie with a K.

    Boy, there is nothing that black people like better than the perky blonde princess laying in her hipster loft telling them what they’re doing wrong.

  29. 29.

    Schlemizel

    @Patricia Kayden:

    Well, see you people just are not bright enough to choose who to follow. You people need help from your betters in identifying people acceptable for you to follow.

    Left to your own devices you people would probably revert to swinging from trees again.

    UGH! is it possible to renounce my skin color?

  30. 30.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Another Else Koch wannabe steps into the spotlight.

    We’ve seen this before.

  31. 31.

    Bubblegum Tate

    Is it terrible of me to just absolutely fucking love wingnut efforts at minority outreach? The ineptitude is just dazzling, but it does end up being offensive to minorities, which is not cool.

  33. 33.

    Citizen_X

    hopes that “the black community starts listening to brilliant black leaders

    And not listening to shiftless losers who accomplish nothing but, I don’t know, getting elected President twice.

  34. 34.

    kc

    @Jay C:

    Mr. Harry Alford, “the CEO and co-founder of the Black Chamber of Commerce.”?

    How come there’s no WHITE Chamber of Commerce? Huh? Huh? Answer that, Ms. KKK!

  36. 36.

    jl

    I was thinking that I ran into a Leninist-Maoist white hipster at a party a couple of weeks ago. The tip off was the tattoos of Lenin and Mao on his forearms. I think the cream cheese sculpture and Orange-American communities could improve themselves if they listened to that hipster’s policy ideas on legalization of pot, nationalization of the banks, and resistance to monopoly and imperialistic capitalism through a reawakening of working class consciousness.

  37. 37.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Southern Beale:

    So, now that we all know the Republicans aren’t planning to be serious on fiscal issues, can we tell them to go outside and play on the freeway with their Atlas Shrugged action figures and leave the budget balancing to the grown-ups?

    Addition to help along your thought.

  38. 38.

    Gin & Tonic

    @? Martin: Wish I knew what the book is she’s pretending to read in that photo. It must be Important, because it looks old.

  40. 40.

    Opie_jeanne

    @? Martin: excuse me, is the objection to the spelling of her name or is it that this is a white spelling which is incidental to her being a presumptuous white twit?
    Because, it’s a bit late to change my daughter’s name if the spelling is objectionable. Sorry to sound snippy but I gave my kids solid boring names with traditional spelling, because I’m boring and traditional. Katie is short for Katherine.

    Never mind. The silly twit needs to give my girl’s name back, with a refund.

  44. 44.

    danah gaz

    I’m ashamed to say that I got out of the boat.

    I should probably get some therapy now.

  45. 45.

    scav

    @Gin & Tonic: Oakshottian Hottian? Or Burkean Belle?

    ETA. Should probably explain I’m thinking along the lines of Money Honey, to my shame, mea maxima.

  46. 46.

    catclub

    @? Martin: That is no hipster loft. I suspect a church (or other gothic building) that has been converted to a library on an expensive college.
    Very looong sofa.

  49. 49.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Black smoke from the conclave, indicating a black pope, I think. White smoke indicates a white pope.

  50. 50.

    Tonal Crow

    @Jay C:

    3. Black people can actually read and think for themselves, and dismiss characterizations of Barack Obama as “an anti-business tyrant” for the nonsense they are?

    Awesome. Is there something about his birth certificate in there, too?

  52. 52.

    Another Halocene Human

    @scav: Oakshottian Hottian? Or Burkean Belle?

    Considering it’s Andy we’re talking about, the only woman who ever gave him a woody was Margaret Thatcher. Katie’s charms would be quite lost on him.

    Andy would be more about the pictorials of the fratty stars of Ivy league lacrosse.

  53. 53.

    Svensker

    “Not all black people are stupid except for those who voted for Obumma.”

    Minority outreach at its finest!

  55. 55.

    Sad_Dem

    @ Martin: Martin Says:

    Holy shit See, there are photos.

    First cardinals, now a young blonde pretending to read while lying on a couch…is BJ feeling shecksy today?

  57. 57.

    Anonymous37

    and hopes that “the black community starts listening to brilliant black leaders who can and will help them succeed.”

    After you, whitey. I distinctly remember Alan Keyes and Herman Cain running for President and I also distinctly remember them not coming close to winning the nomination. When you actually put a black leader up for the presidency, or vice-presidency, or even a winnable Senate race, the rest of us can start to consider taking anything you have to say seriously.

  63. 63.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    @Patricia Kayden: Actually, I would find that rather interesting. I have always been at a loss as to which white leaders I should be emulating. I always thought Hugh Hefner would be one of the best, but I got the impression is was frowned upon when I was 16.

  64. 64.

    kc

    Jesus, get a load of the comments on Ms. KKK’s column.

    An exemplar:

    Why does obama have 88% of the black vote? Because 88% of them are low information voters or they vote skin color or sadly they think that obama cares. Most are too stupid to realize of all the people that this administration is hurting, it is crushing black americans

    Shorter All Clown Hall Commenters: “Black people are too sputid to realize how stupid they are!”

  65. 65.

    MoeLarryAndJesus

    Here’s the management team at the Black Chamber of Commerce:

    Harry C. Alford
    President & CEO

    Kay DeBow Alford
    Senior Vice President & Co-Founder

    That’s it.

    Awesome, huh?

  66. 66.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    OT, but this belongs on the front page somewhere here:

    From Paul Ryan, ht dk:

    This to us is something that we’re not going to give up on, because we’re not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people.

  67. 67.

    Booger

    @eric: Oh! Oh! I know what you meant! ‘You come at the King, you best not miss.’

    Did I say that right?

  68. 68.

    Jay C

    BTW, the “National Black Chamber of Commerce” actually does exist (since 1993 – it had the odor of astroturf about it, but I guess I was wrong) and it looks to be about the usual business-promoting org: however, reading some of Mr. Alford’s screeds (he blames “unions” for all of Detroit’s woes, frex), I still fail to see why this guy is supposed to be some sort of shining beacon of inspiration to anybody…

    Except maybe for the Katie Kieffers of the Internet….

  69. 69.

    Jay C

    @kc:

    Most are too stupid to realize of all the people that this administration is hurting, it is crushing black americans

    I don’t suppose this commenter might have provided any sort of clarification as to exactly HOW the Obama Administration is “crushing black americans [sic]”? Or is that just considered a given that needs no explaining??

  71. 71.

    Mandalay

    @? Martin:

    She IS Katie with a K.

    She is dumber than an ashtray. I swear I am not making this up, but here is a direct quote from a promotional video of hers:

    If individuals and individual businesses aren’t secure in their persons or their property then there is no right for the Constitution, for the government, to use a drone to inspect them.

    That’s the future of the GOP right there.

  73. 73.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    To paraphrase Wanda Sykes, “Katie, the non-white people are looking at us!”

    @? Martin: ? Martin Says:
    Holy shit, there are photos. She IS Katie with a K.

    That’s the look Meghan McCain has always wanted to pull off. Was it really just a year ago Meghan was offering her services to the Republican campaign that wanted to “kick Obama’s ass”? I wonder if she’s still staring at her un-ringing telephone with the same confused and sad look my dog used to give his empty food dish if I were god help me five minutes late.

  74. 74.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent):

    This to us is something that we’re not going to give up on, because we’re not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people.

    I watched the clip. This is not a misquote. It is what he said. Oops.

  75. 75.

    Woodrowfan

    nice detail about Mr. Alford in Wikipedia.

    In an interview reported in Human Events, Mr. Alford identifies with the Booker T. Washington approach to African American self empowerment and sees the approach of W.E.B. DuBois and the NAACP (whom he calls enemies of Washington) as primarily political.

    oh my.

  76. 76.

    ? Martin

    @Opie_jeanne:

    is the objection to the spelling of her name or is it that this is a white spelling which is incidental to her being a presumptuous white twit?

    Relax, my daughter has a name with a white spelling too and is every bit and cute and perky as Ms. Katie above.

    But she at least has a sense of her place in this world.

  78. 78.

    ricky

    @MoeLarryAndJesus:
    Yet another white liberal mocking blacks engaging in traditional family values. Thanks to your death taxes
    they may not be able to pass this non-profit business they creatd down to their Lacrosse playing offspring.

  80. 80.

    ArchPundit

    Checking out her site–is this more Republican performance art? I mean, she talks about her sister coming up with great Halloween costumes

    Every year, my talented sister, Amie, develops a cartoon showcasing a fun Halloween costume idea that sends a free-markets message and reflects current events. Amie’s previous costumes include the Sexy Acorn (to draw attention to ACORN’s child sex scandal) and the Hot Teapot (to laud the everyday Americans fighting for Constitutional principles within the Tea Party movement).

    This year, we chose to honor the entrepreneurial spirit of the late Steve Jobs with the Unbelievable Apple. (Jobs frequently used the word “unbelievable” to describe Apple products.)

  83. 83.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @ArchPundit: Amie’s previous costumes include the Sexy Acorn (to draw attention to ACORN’s child sex scandal)

    If I didn’t already know how stupid this child was, that would be really offensive. As things stand, I imagine two pretty and sort of creepily happy children-of-the-corn blondes trying to explain that costume to a lot of very confused normals.

  85. 85.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    As things stand, I imagine two pretty and sort of creepily happy children-of-the-corn blondes trying to explain that costume to a lot of very confused normals.

    What makes you think the children of the corn would be happy, even creepily so?

  87. 87.

    Bubblegum Tate

    @kc:

    Shorter All Clown Hall Commenters: “Black people are too stupid to realize how stupid they are!”

    Yeah, that’s pretty much the default wingnut excuse for why blacks don’t tend to vote Republican. Well, that and/or “Black people are the real racists!” with a nice garnish of “Black people are easily bought with free stuff!”

    And then, in the next post, they wonder why the Republican “message” isn’t resonating with minorities.

  90. 90.

    scav

    @ArchPundit: What is it with these people with donning costumes to express political propaganda? Do they think of they’ll grain invulnerability and gravitas by putting on the capes, fake-beards and underwear (when they’re not suggesting kids dress up as sexy hot things to proselytize about sex-scandals and free-market principles while scrounging candy from random grown-ups)?

  91. 91.

    max

    @? Martin:
    Holy shit, there are photos. She IS Katie with a K.

    So very very… if she was Katie Krystal (Kieffer) not only would she be KKK but she’d have a great porn star name. (She looks like the sort of lady who moves from HS cheerleader (middle of the pack) to porn star to being dedicated to Walmart Jesus.)

    (Does she have a Brazilian to go with her purity ring?)

    max
    [‘Whiter than white.’]

  92. 92.

    kc

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent):

    Hahaha, that brings back fond memories . . .


    “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

  93. 93.

    kc

    @Jay C:

    I don’t suppose this commenter might have provided any sort of clarification as to exactly HOW the Obama Administration is “crushing black americans [sic]“?

    No, of course not. But if pressed, he probably could have blathered something about the “Democrat plantation.”

  95. 95.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @scav: Well, they can’t dress up as a sexy nurse without tacitly endorsing Obamacare, they can’t dress up as a sexy vampire without tacitly endorsing European-style socialism, and they can’t dress up as a sexy construction worker without tacitly endorsing unions, either labor or civil. It’s a hard life.

  97. 97.

    gocart mozart

    From the black chamber of comerce website

    Under the Clinton Administration the environmentalists started an outrageous claim. They accused corporate America of seeking Black communities to dump their waste, poison the water and render the land toxic. They summed it up by calling the mythical activity “Environmental Racism” and persuaded (funded) local civil rights groups to join in the fight and demand “Environmental Justice”. This died down after about ten years.

    http://www.nationalbcc.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1673:the-evil-ways-of-environmentalists&catid=63:beyond-the-rhetoric&Itemid=8

  98. 98.

    handsmile

    Where does one even begin?

    The “Ladies of Liberty TV” video that Mandalay linked to above (#71) is a word salad of epic proportions. So many choice morsels but one of my favorites is:

    “…And I think we should require that Congress has probable cause and a warrant before they ever survey private business owners because that’s what the Fourth Amendment requires…”

    As Mandalay refers, Ms. Kieffer is a fierce opponent of domestic drones (particularly concerned about ranchers in this regard).

    Her wide-ranging intellect is evidenced by her list of favorite books (“Katie Recommends” at her website) which includes Ayn (natch!), St. Augustine’s Confessions, Civil Disobedience by Thoreau and Trump Card by Ivanka Trump.

    Laugh while you can monkey boys and girls, but this right-wing Valkyrie is going places!

  100. 100.

    gocart mozart

    Also, why isn’t a black chamber of commerce racist like BET or the congressional black caucus? Also too, how come the Nabisco company can get away with calling their products “Crackers” (a racist hate term!) Can you imagine some company calling their product “chocolate covered N**ger Snaps”? Liberal hypocrosy!

    p.s. I am not a crank.

  102. 102.

    Mandalay

    @muddy:

    This song is fucking timeless.

    Funny that you came up with that since there is another Zappa song that captures Katie nicely

    Come to think of it, you could probably come up with something appropriate by Zappa for every BJ thread.

  104. 104.

    PIGL

    @jl:

    I think the cream cheese sculpture and Orange-American communities could improve themselves if they listened to that hipster…[propsing to legalise pot, nationalise banks, and raise class consciousness]

    well, yes, they really would.

  111. 111.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    I get the impression this person, if confronted with actually having to converse with an African-American, would say things like “That Joe Louis, he was a hell of a fighter. A real credit to your race”.

  112. 112.

    Snarla

    Wow, she really does have a photo gallery. So her site is kind of a mash up of a junior political bloggie thingy and an OK Cupid profile.

  113. 113.

    Ivan Ivanovich Renko

    Holy fuck, why did I get outta the boat?

    The comments over there are horrifying.

  114. 114.

    handsmile

    @gocart mozart:

    Not so soon, you enthusiast! KATIE! needs to be seasoned with a bit more gravitas. Methinks a primary challenge to Michelle Bachmann (a fellow Minnesotan) would be just the (far)right thing for her. She’s already got the necessary ideology and Stepford affect. KATIE! could be “This Year’s Girl” in 2014!

  115. 115.

    catclub

    @Omnes Omnibus: It weren’t the pitchers, it were the prose.

    …the story of founding a (conservative?) newspaper on campus and the great struggles therein.

  116. 116.

    Mike G

    She’s cute, and vacuous enough to be non-threatening to the Fox dullwitted proles. No doubt she’ll have her own show soon.

  117. 117.

    Ariel

    OT whatever happened to Zsa Zsa? Why no pics? Cole claims she is in his home, but where are the pics? We want proof of life! Or at least proof of pussy.

  121. 121.

    Death Panel Truck

    This reminds me of the All In The Family episode with Sammy Davis Jr. Archie tells Sammy that he’s a great credit to his race, and Sammy says, “I’m sure you’ve done well by yours, too.”

  123. 123.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @ranchandsyrup: I will presume without reading it that this theory means that straight people who have AIDS got it from having sex in a way that was not on the approved list consisting as it does solely of vaginal intercourse in the missionary position no more than once and week and only involving married couples who are seeking to procreate. Am I correct?

  124. 124.

    ranchandsyrup

    @Omnes Omnibus: I think that’s baked in there, Omnes. He goes with a physiological argument about the sponginess of the rectum compared to the “barrier” to the bloodstream a vagina supplies via “cellular” tissue.

  125. 125.

    scav

    @Omnes Omnibus: i’d think that theory would be one in favor of gay marriage as monogamy is more needed in those circs while vaginally based interactions can just frolic happily and risk-minimized.

  126. 126.

    Mandalay

    @The prophet Nostradumbass:

    I get the impression this person, if confronted with actually having to converse with an African-American, would say things like “That Joe Louis, he was a hell of a fighter. A real credit to your race”.

    You are perfectly describing Mitt Romney’s approach in one of the most cringe inducing videos of all time:
    “Who let the dogs out?” – CHECK!
    “Bling” – CHECK!
    “Whas happenin’?” – CHECK!
    “Michael Jordan” – CHECK!

  129. 129.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @scav: I think I see your problem; you are looking for logical consistency. The thing is, you have the incorrect starting place. If you start from the idea that anything other than procreative sex undertaken from sense of duty and not out of any desire for pleasure is simply wrong, then the rest follows much more easily.

  134. 134.

    johnny aquitard

    @Omnes Omnibus: Homeschooled. Color me unsurprised. And Atlas Shrugged tops her reading list. Conservatives really love Rand’s polemic at making socially and morally unacceptable selfishness into a virtue, don’t they? Bless their hearts!

    Reminds me, I didn’t see a mention of jebus on her site but it’s got the lingering smell of it, like a room with a bunch of old polyester suits stashed in the closet. Mentioning ‘freedom of speech’ and ‘culture and morals’ as among her reasons to homeschool is akin to Atwater’s use of taxes and busing to replace direct references to ‘nigger’. To paraphrase Atwater:

    They start out saying vouchers for homeschool because jebus jebus jebus. Soon that hurts them. Backfires. So they say stuff like vouchers for homeschool because freedom of speech, culture and morals, and all that stuff. And the byproduct is, gubmint still pays for jebus. It’s abstract, it’s coded. It’s doing away with the religion problem. Because sitting around saying ‘we want to homeschool because 1st amendment’ is a hell of a lot more abstract than saying ‘jebus jebus jebus’.

  135. 135.

    1badbaba3

    I’m sorry, but I believe her ‘cos she is seriously hawt, y’all. I officially renounce Obama. Now, where the white wimmins at?

    C’mon, she is cute. Vapid, but cute.

  136. 136.

    different-church-lady

    @Patricia Kayden:

    And what makes Ms. Thang think we Black folks are interested in her opinion on which Blacks we should be emulating?

    Wait… you thought her intended audience was black people?

  138. 138.

    Jay C

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    BTW, it’s K.T. Kieffer.

    Yeah, I saw that on her photo. Dunno why, but I would have expected the “i’s” to be dotted with little hearts – or smiley-faces….

  140. 140.

    Phoenix_rising

    I’m afraid the premise of this post is all wrong.

    “Scout McManus-Feldman” is the white version of ‘Shannika Washington’.

    Think about it: This person could be male, female or none-of-the-above, Jewish, Christian or pagan, tall, short, fat, skinny, whatevs…but you KNOW s/he is white. Just off the name.

    I wanted to name our (not white at all) kid Scout, and my wife cut me off with, ‘She will never in her life be able to write a check without photo ID.’

  143. 143.

    polyorchnid octopunch

    @ArchPundit: I think I have it figured out. She wants to replace Malkin once her eyes permanently roll back and she’s no good on TV anymore.

  146. 146.

    Opie_jeanne

    @? Martin: I realized I was over-reacting and went back to add that last comment. Mine is also the personification of perky but she, like yours, is not clueless and insensitive.

  148. 148.

    ruemara

    I have always welcomed the feedback of white people to encourage me to being the best black person I can be. Just as I enjoy the criticism by males to improve my femininity.

    At times I have no idea why I am not a mass murderer.

  150. 150.

    Interrobang

    @Phoenix_rising: McManus-Feldman? I can’t see that marriage producing a “Scout,” sorry. “Feldman” isn’t a WASPy enough name for that sort of thing. A person with a last name like that’s gonna wind up with a first name straight out of the Bible. Solid. Traditional. Not going to offend the relatives on either side of the family.

    I was raised by hardcore self-identified WASPs (and I’m still working to undo the damage), and those racist pieces of human toilet paper would say, “Since when are Those People (IYKWIMAIKYD) white?”

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