This mustard. This mustard was on your daddy’s wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured, put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew if the gooks ever saw the mustard it’d be confiscated, taken away. The way your dad looked at it, that mustard was your birthright. He’d be damned if any slopes were gonna put their greasy yellow hands on his boy’s birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this mustard up his ass. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the mustard. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of condiment up my ass two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the mustard to you.
This is how I felt today when I went to the grocery and bought another container of mustard. The cashier thought I was insane when I grabbed it before they could bag it and I threw it in my shirt pocket so I would feel it close to my chest until I delivered it safely to my fridge. I treated this mustard like the damned crown jewels.
Also too, bonus pick of Ellie, my brothers dog, who he dropped off stinking to high heaven and in desperate need of a bath. I bathed her, brushed her, and did a little trim on her overgrown eyebrows so she could see better:
She is so much happier now that she smells good, feels good, and had a little trim and a solid brushing. Look at her smile!
Currently watching the Pens who are playing the hated caps, but I really just want to watch the Hobbit (which I apparently pre-ordered three copies of, because I was so excited), but I know if the Pens lose when I am not watching it will be my fault.
I wish I liked mustard, a low-cal condiment. But I’m a mayonnaise girl, a high cal condiment.
I would suggesting pre-ordering three bottles of brandy for medicinal purposes if you seriously intend to sit through the ever-extending tedium of Jackson’s butchery of the Hobbit.
I do not want to know where John is storing the mustard now. Ouch.
So now you’re guaranteed to find the missing mustard as soon as you open the new bottle.
Somewhere nearby Zsa Zsa plots to take the new mustard outside to her secret lair.
Good God. That’s not even very good stone ground mustard. This just gets sadder and sadder.
Now that you’ve bought more mustard, you will, within 24 hours, find the original bottle. That is how the universe works.
Ellie looks adorable & quite happy. Is it a girl dog thing? When we give our Pom a bath, he sulks & guilts at us for the rest of the day. He would rather be stinky & matted.
Re: The Hobbit. FF through the scene with Radagast the Brown. If not, there’s 20 minutes of your life you won’t get back.
My bet is it’s in his cleveland.
And she won’t let the jars clink together to give herself away.
WOW! Both pics are mostly in focus! Progress!
@Corner Stone: he’s been to Madison. He had the chance to attend a course on mustard connoisseurship at Poupon U. I don’t know where he went wrong.
I have to say I rather enjoy Michael Eric Dyson doing the hosting gig instead of Ed Schultz.
Ted & Hellen
She’s not smiling. She’s annoyed.
Ellie is cute. Seeing her reminds me that it’s been a good long time since we’ve had any updates on Boghan (do I have the name right?), and your folks’ JR Terrorists, Ginny and Guesly. You used to post videos of them tearing around the house. I just mention.
Oh, nevermind. Shitstain is still here.
It’s easy to make mustard:
1/3 c brown mustard seeds
1/4 c white vinegar
1/4 t salt
Grind the seeds in a mortar and pestle (takes 3-7 minutes) or a spice grinder.
Mix in the rest of the ingredients.
Refrigerate for about a day.
Makes 3/4 cup.
1/4 c mustard powder
1/4 c dark beer
1 T grain vinegar
1 t sugar
1/4 t salt
Follow directions above.
Finished Starcraft II: Heart of the Swarm last night. It becomes pretty nostalgic playing these new set of Starcraft games, given I was in middle school when the first series came out. I play for the campaigns more than anything, since I am a huge fan of how the story has developed along the way…but I think one huge difference with how the series has developed is that the first one did a much better balance when it came to balancing the epic nature of the story it was telling with the personal tales of each of the characters. That said, you only got hints of things like the attraction of Raynor to Kerrigan in the first one that has been much more fleshed out this time around. While there is a ‘big bad’ in SC2, it’s only been vaguely hinted at…if anything, the first two installments of SC2 have really been centered around Raynor and Kerrigan. It’s been much more about the forces of the individual heroic personalities who survived from Starcraft + Brood War – I don’t really remember or care much about the newer ones that have been introduced…and I do wish that the writers had thought about this a little more before jumping in. At this point, it almost feels like the ‘big bad’ is needed to a) justify one of the main plot points around Kerrigan, and b) justify any reason at all for including the Protoss this time around. I would have been totally okay if the focus of SC2 was about redeeming Kerrigan…although, to be fair, the secret mission in Brood War kind of meant they had to include the ‘big bad’ this time around.
That said, the driver of the larger story (Zeratul and whatever he’s been up to) is likely coming to the fore in the last installment, which, if Blizzard’s track record is any indication, will come out when I’m 30. Jesus, I’m getting old. But it’s still nice to pop in a game and lose myself in a universe that I first encountered as a wide-eyed kid of 11/12ish. And I’m a sucker for cheese, so the last scene of the recent one was bittersweet. I won’t spoil anything, so I won’t say anything more.
Oh, and I do hope they make a movie of this someday. It would be epic…just as long as Blizzard has a proper writer who can right better dialogue, as well as someone who has a really deep understanding of the universe. Probably too much to ask, but a fanboy manboy can dream, right?
Tunch hid the video camera. It’s out in the yard with the mustard.
Atrios offered to buy one of the DVDs. I tweeted that he could donate to the animal fund and John would give him a copy.
How long does it take to get stuff from Cafe Press?
I miss the floppy one ear on Ellie, but she looks as beautiful as ever. And if you brother finds the responsibility of caring for her too much, I’ve got a spot open for her. ;-) I’ve been crushing on her since she wandered into your lives.
“I grabbed it before they could bag it and I threw it in my shirt pocket “
John, have you checked the pockets of the cloths you were wearing yesterday?
Often people may spend a while desperately searching for say their car keys only to forget they already found them and they are in a hand or pocket.
@cathyx: what? All mustards? I used to think we had a future. But now I know that if I have a pretzel, you’ve got nothing to offer me.
Have you checked near the candlestick in the conservatory?
Thread needs moar pix of DACHSHUND PUPPIES WITH ADOPTIVE CAPYBARA MOMMY NAMED CHEESECAKE oh my God
dance around in your bones
Wow, you never thought to look up your ass for the mustard?
I like him too but he does need to work a little on his delivery. He’s a little hesitant when speaking sometimes, but maybe that’s just from lack of doing the gig every day. I like Ezra Klein also but he’s a little stiff in the delivery department.
Ellie is so silky and beautiful.
I agree with Corner Stone for once. I was picturing some really deluxe gourmet mustard in a ceramic crock.
When the pens play the caps, I root for…..injuries (nothing too bad though)
Gazprom is the Russian oil company.
I am crying I am laughing so hard…
West of the Rockies
Can I gripe for a minute? (That never really happens here I know…) Do any of you ever get tired of people who — I think the term is “claim social space” — by blasting music out of their vehicle or some other such obnoxious behavior? I was putting a few bucks worth of gas in the tank today when a couple of 40-something guys on Harley Davidson’s came rumbling in. Okay, fine, you’ve got a really expensive bike and everyone needs to know about it, but do you have to gun the damn throttle fifteen times until everyone within six parsecs is staring at you? Of course, they were wearing the leathers, had shaved heads, ugly-ass goatees, and looked like they belonged at CPAC. I’m becoming more misanthropic by the damn day I guess. Shit, next I’ll be yelling, “Get off my lawn” or talking to an empty chair.
Seriously though, I really hate flamboyantly rude behavior. There… done venting.
@gogol’s wife: This was the backup mustard from the bad Kroger.
@TaMara (BHF): Email me. I found that damned DAG cd I was supposed to send you a year ago.
dance around in your bones
Comment editor seems to have gone off the rails.
I was going to say I have known many dogs with hair all over their eyes that somehow seem to see perfectly well.
I have grandkids with the same issue (little white-blond gnomes with hair hanging down to their cheekbones. The one time I tried to trim the middle kid’s bangs I was mocked mercilessly, and the image got spread all around the social media. Never again. They can have their damn hair hanging down to their butt for all I care).
But those are Whosgobel Wabbits!
Those of you advising that John practice safe storage should note that while that bottle is nicely rounded, it lacks a flange. Learn from this guy’s experience.
@cckids: This is indeed the way of the universe. After weeks of not finding my corgi’s Wooba binky (a large rubber pacifier that holds a treat) I broke down and bought a new one. Two days later, there were two binkies in his pen. Thank goodness, as the Wooba toys are the only things he is unable to destroy.
Also, Ellie looks very pretty and very happy. You are a good man, John Cole.
I think that’s it. He’s getting better, IMO, but he’s obviously used to speaking off the cuff normally.
What I like most about him is he isn’t yet too comfortable, so he asks a little windy question but then lets his guest actually answer. It’s like a miracle!
dance around in your bones
Oh gawd, I know. Our dogs would always look at us like “why did you remove my good smell? I am now very mad at you!” Sometimes they would run around the yard like they could re-acquire the stinky.
Why TF is everyone ragging on Inglehoffer? Inglehoffer’s the shizz. It bums me out that I can only find the big bottles in Sturgeon Bay. We go through the whole thing while we’re up there for two weeks in the summer. It makes for the best ham sammiches on the peninsula.
Sunday while cleaning a garden bed, a thing went rolling past me. After jumping in horror, I discovered it was a baby bunny. His eyes were still closed and I found the nest and let him burrow back in. The asshole son mentioned that I wanted to kill the adult garden stealing bunnies so why protect the yougins..
Today he had the nerve to send me an article about folks in Dunwoody, GA with 77 bunnies in their house. He figured that would be me in a year. I gave him permission to commit me and bring me home after he cleaned the house, if that happened.
Feh, those of you whining on the Hobbit. All things considered I liked it. I admit in part I liked it for raising the (absurdly low) bar set by Rankin, but I still enjoyed it for the most part when taken as a movie based on Tolkien’s The Hobbit.
in ye olden days you had to do a few years in West Bumfuck, SD on the radio before you moved up to a bigger market, then TV, then a bigger market, then network. Of course back then you only had to know how to be good on the air, and nothing about the subject.
For bragging rights only (most of us are heavily leveraged on NCAA brackets): time till Cole sheepishly admits to finding his mustard in the fridge crisper.
I have 24 hours (6 pm Pacific, March 20)
West of the Rockies
@Kirk: Haven’t seen it yet — is it out on DVD now? I don’t suppose Netflix will have it anytime soon…. I loved the LOTR. I’m not saying they were perfect, and I know we’ve all offered various opinions in various threads over the years. For me, I did get a little weary of Legolas prancing over rampaging oliphants and using shields as skateboards (and similar excesses).
Culture of Truth
She reads your blog, does she?
@West of the Rockies:
I wonder about the bikes with straight pipes: how are they even legal. They have to be violating both noise and emissions rules. Why don’t those assholes ever get pulled over and given a ticket?
I’ve had things disappear into mid-air before, like one sock every time I do the laundry, but I also have things appearing out of nowhere as well. I have 8 Phillips head screwdrivers in my tool drawer and I’ve never bought a single one. I have no idea where any of them came from. And every damned time I need a regular slot screwdriver, all I can find is got damned Phillips heads.
I haven’t looked in that drawer in a while, maybe it’s up to a dozen by now.
@Anoniminous: Cyprus was once a British colony (really, is there any place that wasn’t?) and the British still have a couple of naval bases there. Adding a Russian base there could prove… interesting. Oh, did I mention Turkey’s still occupying the northern third of the country?
@West of the Rockies:
With you 100%.
As to this specific example, I ride (two motorcycles, no car) and I loathe absurdly loud pipes.
West of the Rockies
@Roger Moore: I’ve wondered why gross noise-pollution violators are not pulled over more often, too. I appreciate a nice ride and all, and I get that some people really like the throaty rumble of the H.D., but it does seem to be the bike of choice of narcissists who demand public attention.
Good God, don’t leave them alone in a drawer. They’ll reproduce!
LET’S GO CAPS!!!
@West of the Rockies:
I’ve read bikers claim that it’s a safety thing. They’re afraid that somebody driving a car won’t see them, so they make their bike loud enough that they’re sure to be heard. I don’t buy it, since they could be about 10 dB quieter and still be easily heard by a legally deaf person, but that’s the justification.
Yeah, most places have a maximum decibel level, and theoretically you can get ticketed for it, but I never see that happen.
As for emissions, here in CA bikes don’t get smog-tested, but most new bikes do have catalytic converters because they are required in Europe. The converter does introduce a little extra baffling, which should quiet the exhaust note a bit. I don’t know if Harleys have them or not (I ride Japanese bikes.)
Yeah, that “loud pipes save lives” bullshit. Riding attentively and carefully, however, actually does make one safer.
ETA: it does seem that bikes can be legitimately hard to see, even for people trying to drive carefully. I have seen kits to make your headlights flicker, the theory being that will draw the eye. They look more noticeable to me, but I don’t know if they have been proven to be safer.
West of the Rockies
@Jebediah: Thanks for the reply… Honestly, I was sort of expecting to get some heat for dissing on hogs. My “bike” is a 1993 Bianchi Osprey 21-speed mountain bike. My car is the ’95 Volvo wagon I inherited from my late father (he passed away five years ago on the 21st, and then my mother passed away two days to the very minute after… damn, that dark anniversary came up suddenly on me)….
You are absolutely correct. I feel like I might be approaching cute overload…
The phrase “based on” is now understood to mean “having a very tenuous connection to”?
Still, I suppose it is 10 years since we invaded Iraq “based on” “solid evidence”.
Ellie is so cute. You know you’re going to find that mustard in the next few days. It’ll be somewhere obvious.
@West of the Rockies:
One of my other bikes is a ’94 Specialized Stumpjumper. It has been neglected for long enough now that not all of my wardrobe fits properly. (I did just switch from a fifty hour job to a nominally forty hour job – maybe that bike and I will get re-acquainted…)
Also, I didn’t feel you were dissing all hogs, just the ones ridden by immature, rude attention whores. A harley with a proper muffler has a nice sound, even though they aren’t really my thing. It’s the uneven spacing of the ignition timing that gives it that “loping” sound.
ETA: Condolences on the dark anniversary. Lost my dad in ’96 but it doesn’t seem like it was that long ago at all.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Culture of Truth:
Cat ladies have that special gleam in their eye.
It is very annoying to have migraine headaches that are trigged by things that are completely out of your control, like the goddamned fucking humidity level. If it drops too quickly, bam! Migraine.
I have to go lie down in a dark room for a while now. Fuck.
You made me laugh out loud. I could just imagine you saying all of that monologue, in your best Christopher Walken impersonation, perhaps with a freakish eye-tic.
@West of the Rockies: This. My personal version of “Get off my lawn!” is “Put a %$^!ing muffler on that piece of $%#%!”
It’s hard reading that Pulp Fiction speech these days. Racism against Asians is still too much blithely acceptable even today. Sorry to be a buzzkill. My wife is Chinese and this kind of shit just makes me cringe.
@jamus4: For bragging rights only (most of us are heavily leveraged on NCAA brackets): time till Cole sheepishly admits to finding his mustard in the fridge crisper. I have 24 hours (6 pm Pacific, March 20)
It won’t work. He bought the same mustard. If he finds the one he lost (or possibly ‘lost’ as in ‘never had’) he won’t be able to tell. At best, at some point, he’ll notice he’s got TWO bottles of mustard and how the fuck did that happen?
West of the Rockies: I’ve wondered why gross noise-pollution violators are not pulled over more often, too. I appreciate a nice ride and all, and I get that some people really like the throaty rumble of the H.D., but it does seem to be the bike of choice of narcissists who demand public attention.
Well, I was thinking that these are people putting ‘loud’ pipes on. The equivalent of putting a noise maker on the bike – and they sell them as not necessarily street legal check your regs and the people pay no mind. The fed regs say 84 db is the max, but most of the ones I’ve heard sound like at least 100 db. (Jet engine is around 110 db.)
Goes with Hummers and monster trucks.
[‘Pave the earth… chrome the moon!’]
West of the Rockies
@Jebediah: Thank you for the kind words… yeah, five years sometimes feels like five weeks… on other days it feels like fifteen years.
I still sometimes will think, “Hey, I ought to give my dad a call…” Does that still happen to you?
@Kirk: It’s a fine version and much of the whining about being too much interpretation seems to be from people who’ve never read the LotR appendices. I practically worship the books and I was satisfied.
So, Christopher Walken has your mustard. This is true – he lives in my town from time to time, owns a nice, little house near the university. The friend of a friend lives next door to his house. When she had to leave town unexpectedly for a family emergency, he offered to take care of her cat, which he did very well. Can you imagine, though, having Christopher Walken cat sit for you?
I wish to the merciful FSM I could unread this comment.
@West of the Rockies:
Yup. Not as often as it used too, though.
@Corner Stone: Why?
@John Cole: I have done as instructed. If a puppy comes with each CD, I will not be disappointed.
@Alison: As I said when I posted your link to my FB page, “OMG, the cute it burns. And who knew capybaras were social. Oversized, cute and social, I am doomed.”
@dexwood: My first though is how awesome to have Walken as a neighbour, one who even cat sits. My next thought is how every night that he was in town, i would sleep with a baseball bat, because he is a little fucking scary sometimes.
It would all be worth it as long as I caught him dancing around his back yard in a way like “Weapon of Choice.”
A lot of stuff from pulp fiction makes you cringe – “What am I a dead N— storage locker?”
I think that’s kinda the point.
However I do agree that we are more tuned to N=Clang than to other ethnic references.
Don’t get too excited about the hobbit. I was and kept falling asleep during. Only the third movie I have ever fallen asleep watching in a movie theatre. I was soooooo disappointed.
No one to care about …..except Gollum.
We hate your guys, too, so it all balances out.
/sends you a cold pack
@Joshua Norton: Speaking of screwdrivers…..well really screws, why do they even produce standard flat head screws anymore? Is there an actual purpose for them, because they seem to be a crappy design when compared to the functionality of the alternatives. Is it just out of habit, or do some companies just not want to have to buy a new machine, or re-tool an old one? I can’t see any advantages in using them.
Oi! Stuff that nonsense!
Oh, by the way Cole, I feel the same way about watching the Blackhawks, ……….of course this year they damn near never lose. I hate it when people say (about a team when it is having a great season) that if they don’t win it will be a big disappointment. Any season that my team has even an outside chance of winning it all, and doesn’t is a big disappointment. That; however, has no bearing on how I feel about the season as a whole. Years like this are special, and should be enjoyed and appreciated. If they don’t win the championship it will suck, but it will suck the same amount as most other years when they had a good team. It still won’t take away all the joy that the season, up to that point, has doled out. It won’t wipe out the memories of things like that sick spin-o-rama goal Kane scored the other night, and it can’t take away all the fun I’ve had watching
@Mnemosyne: Changes in weather and other people’s colognes, body sprays or perfumes get me. Axe body spray is a huge migraine trigger for me. I also can’t go near a Yankee Candle store. Don’t get me started on things I can’t eat that will trigger a migraine. You have my sympathy. The weather has changed here, and I just took some more drugs. I’m going to go back to bed and try not to make any sudden moves.
Woeber also makes that same kind of mustard, if Inglehoffer isn’t available.