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You are here: Home / Open Threads / How Many Feet Must a Man Wash Down?

How Many Feet Must a Man Wash Down?

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Judging from the media response to Pope Francis washing the feet of actual poor and downtrodden people, including a couple of women, instead of the usual group of bishops, it looks like footwashing is a pretty effective way to clean up a bad reputation.  In the past couple of days, Don Young called Mexicans “wetbacks”, and Ben Carson mentioned NAMBLA and bestiality as reasons for not wanting to support gay marriage. So, obviously, Don and Ben should be grabbing buckets and rags and scrubbing away some toejam to make up for their medieval attitudes.

But how many Mexican pies should Don be wetting to make up for calling them “wetbacks”? And how many homosexual toes should Ben be lathering to keep from being heckled and/or glittered the next time he’s brave enough to show his face in front of some non-Republicans? Just what is the optimal douchebag-to-toe ratio? 1:50? 1:500? This whole thing is new to me, and I need your help.

Reader Interactions

83Comments

  1. 1.

    peach flavored shampoo

    Perhaps Don Young only saw those helpers after rainstorms. Or on very humid afternoons. Typical lie-brawl media to defame such a good man.

  2. 2.

    Mustang Bobby

    In order to perform an act of penitence, you have to acknowledge that you did something wrong. Mr. Young and Dr. Carson aren’t admitting they did anything wrong, so the point is moot.

  3. 3.

    Villago Delenda Est

    I think Don Young should give the Sarah Palin answer to the question of how many Mexican feet he should wash in atonement.

    “All of them.”

  4. 4.

    shortstop

    I remember an Episcopal priest in a very conservative Chicago parish (Ascension, if anyone local’s watching) announcing about 20 years ago that he was going to wash the feet of some well-groomed society dame at the Maundy. Pandemonium ensued, with a parishioner who looked remarkably like Ginny Sacramoni huffing, “Over my dead body, Father!” The rector responded in icy fury, “You do not run this parish, madam!” I don’t know what was funnier — this ridiculous woman upset at the idea that a female foot would be washed, turning “tradition” on its head, or the priest, who was vehemently anti-women’s ordination and horribly misogynistic in general, believing he was boldly trailblazing by including women in the Maundy, something that other parishes had been doing for eons.

  5. 5.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Oh, and clever reference, too.

    But, as Mustang Bobby indicates, the answer is blowin’ in the wind.

  6. 6.

    MattF

    Shows how lucky we are here in the Land of the Free, where there’s a high correlation among ‘conservative’, ‘heartless’, ‘stupid’, and ‘wrong’, so it’s easy and fun to scoff. This pope might be determined to take away some of our rhetorical toys.

  8. 8.

    The Moar You Know

    They should have to do this for the rest of their lives.

    Five sick days a year, of course.

  11. 11.

    Cacti

    Wake me up when Pope Frank makes his first public acknowledgement of that whole decades-long child sex abuse thingy.

  12. 12.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    So one of Pope Francis’s first acts is to actually acknowledge that the poor and women exist. Good on him. If other things fall from this, then he will actually change the Catholic church from being about how tall your hat is.

    If the other two you mentioned did it, it would be a purely political act, though it would be better than a “sorry I offended you” apology. Now, if the party truly wanted to fix things, they would force these two into small boxes and lose them at sea and hire some Republicans that helped the poor. Ain’t gonna happen.

  16. 16.

    gratuitous

    Consider this a standing invitation to pop by Peace Church in Portland on Maundy Thursday or the first Sunday in Advent for Love Feast and foot-washing. Be warned, though: It’s been known to change a person’s perspective, sometimes in ways that nincompoops and weisenheimers alike find alarming.

  17. 17.

    gussie

    This is about the ordination of women, not about their feet,” wrote the Rev. John Zuhlsdorf, a traditionalist blogger. Liberals “only care about the washing of the feet of women, because ultimately they want women to do the washing.”

  18. 18.

    Cassidy

    It’s going to be one of those days is it? When bored with Obot v. dumbass firebagger or Apple v. Quality, we bring out “Fuck Catholics” day.

  19. 19.

    catclub

    @shortstop: I don’t know the details of that parish, but in many cases, “The rector responded in icy fury, “You do not run this parish, madam!””

    The rector is wrong and actually that lady _does_ run the parish.

    I also like the folks who introduce themselves to the new priest as the ‘B’ group. The priest later asks what the ‘B’ group is, since he does not find it on any chart.

    “We be here before you got here, we be here after you’re gone.”

  22. 22.

    Ben Franklin

    He’s so different. He cares about the little guy. It’s a new Catholic Church.

    When does he get to the pedophiles?

  24. 24.

    raven

    Need I put Pat Lang’s pedophile reference up or do you want to go to the handy link right here on BJ?

  25. 25.

    Omnes Omnibus

    This new pope fella has made some positive symbolic gestures. It is very early days in the his papacy; the gestures may turn out to be indicative of a change in focus or they may be purely symbolic gestures. I suppose there is no chance of people withholding judgment until he has had a chance to do or not do things?

  30. 30.

    Ben Franklin

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I suppose there is no chance of people withholding judgment until he has had a chance to do or not do things?

    Is it responsible to speculate?

  31. 31.

    Bruce S

    This shouldn’t be seen – from the Biblical Christian perspective – as an act of penance but an expression of humility and acknowledgement of equality. So Young and Carson have a lot more to clean up than some stinky feet. Actual foot-washing in the 21st Century also pretty much misses the point and tends to turn true recognition of equality into empty ritual. If the Pope wanted to put the Vatican in service of the poor, there are more meaningful ways he could do it than this photo-op.

  33. 33.

    Suffern ACE

    Hmmmm. I think we’re kind of missing the ceremony’s meaning when we make it an act of pennance. I do not want Ben Carson washing my feat. He is not my leader, nor do I want him to be my leader, even if he starts to say nice things. I think Ben could start by washing the feet of pretty much everyone who works for him. If his voicemail greeting is really 8 minutes long, I’m sure he’s a pain in the ass to work for an acknowledgement that as a leader he’s supposed to lift up those around him would probably do him some good.

  34. 34.

    Redshirt

    @Omnes Omnibus: Hater. Follow the Pope’s Holy example! Get to scrubbin’!

    Odds are there’s dirty feet near all of us. Surely we could all follow the blessed Holy example of the Pope’s foot washin’ fetish?

  36. 36.

    Cassidy

    I prefer the Korean or Vietnamese ladies. Nothing personal Frankie, but experience always trumps earnestness.

  37. 37.

    shortstop

    @Chyron HR: Right! And is it Portland, Oregon, or Portland, Maine? We need more details before “Love Feast” goes on my calendar.

  38. 38.

    Ben Franklin

    Does the Pope remember Matthew Chapter 6?

    1 Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.

    2 Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

    3 But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:
    4 That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.

    5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

    ————————————————
    Public demonstrations of piety do not a holy man, make.

  41. 41.

    Cassidy

    @raven: It’s bad in TDC. I never partook, but I was married when I went over. We had no idea about the human slavery aspect. Unfortunately, I imagine it wouldn’t have made much of a difference.

    I’ve had one pedicure here in the states, though. It was an odd experience.

  43. 43.

    Suffern ACE

    @Ben Franklin: Well to be fair, the Pope at this stage has about as much chance doing the footwashing privately as Kim Kardashian would have walking down 5th avenue in a thong. He might as well let the press in. It was kind of important for the whole thing that he was going where the prisoners were, rather than having the prisoners be sent to him at the vatican.

  44. 44.

    Chyron HR

    @Ben Franklin:

    And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men.

    Bazinga! I bet Pope Fake-cis is going to start going to secular blogs and ostentatiously quoting scripture at them next.

  45. 45.

    jon

    Don Young missed his true calling: Governor of Arizona.

    “I’ve got black friends. I employ black people. I don’t employ them because they are black; I employ them because they are the best people who applied for the cotton-picking job.”

  46. 46.

    Anya

    Ben Carson is such a disappointment. He just sounds like a high-status dumb ass. He’s a scientist for fuck’s sake, shouldn’t he have more sense than he’s showing. He should be smart enough to know that maintaining institution is not a good argument. He should be sensible enough to recognize that he is where he is because others before him challenged those institutions. What a disappointing fuckwit. He sounds so unimpressive. How can he a scientist and yet question scientific evidence? I am baffled by him.

  48. 48.

    the Conster

    @Anya:

    Maybe he’s just an attention whore who can supplement income with that sweet sweet wingnut welfare? Democratic liberal black men are a dime a dozen.

  49. 49.

    butler

    Good thing the Pope didn’t do this in Tennesse, where muslim footwashing is such a menance that lawmakers this week were terrified of a mop sink.

    Given this clear connection between Sharia and clean feet, I doubt Carson or anyone in the GOP will be doing it anytime soon.

  51. 51.

    max

    @Omnes Omnibus: I suppose there is no chance of people withholding judgment until he has had a chance to do or not do things?

    No. After all there’s a critical race to the bottom going on here.

    max
    [‘If no one outstupids the Republicans how will we ever escape the DRONES?1?!’]

  53. 53.

    Ben Franklin

    This guy did the advance work for ‘washing feet’…http://justus.anglican.org/resources/bio/203.html

    Moctezuma was grateful for all the good he did for early Mexicans.

    With Las Casas we may remember Bartolomeo de Olmedo, priest and friar of Mercy, who was chaplain of Cortez’s expedition to Mexico City, and who appears in the records of that expedition as a moderating force, denouncing atrocities and conquest, talking Cortez out of forcibly destroying idol temples, telling him instead to set the Indians an example of Christian love, and wait for them to destroy the idols by their own decision. (Some readers will remember him from Samuel Shellabarger’s historical novel, Captain From Castille.) According to the Britannica article on pre-Columbian American cultures (see vol. 26 p. 25 of the 15th edition), the clergy accompanying the Spanish conquistadors were consistently more disposed than the commanders to respect the native civilizations and undertake to preserve their records, and whatever aspects of native culture were not clearly inconsistent with Christianity.

  54. 54.

    scav

    How endearing, as though the Pope / Pontiff doesn’t do Politics or PR. Please.

    Definitely in the crowd waiting for Practice, Preferably Prolonged. At least this one’s protective coloration seems a little better. But the dodgy company he’s associated with (and apparently got on well enough with, see current position) aren’t the ones currently sporting clean toes.

  55. 55.

    Anya

    @Omnes Omnibus: What? A neurosurgeon is not a scientists?

    @the Conster: He’s a huge name in his field. He does not lack status or money. Why does he want to lose his integrity for little wingnut welfare? He also sounds really dumb when he speaks. Not impressive at all.

  56. 56.

    Redshirt

    @SatanicPanic:

    Vincent: I ain’t saying it’s right. But you’re saying a foot massage don’t mean nothin’, and I’m saying it does. Now look, I’ve given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. But we act like they don’t, but they do, and that’s what’s so fucking cool about them. There’s a sensuous thing going on where you don’t talk about it, but you know it, she knows it, fucking Marsellus knew it, and Antwan should have fucking better known better. I mean, that’s his fucking wife, man. He ain’t gonna have a sense of humor about this shit. You know what I’m saying?

  57. 57.

    MattR

    @Anya:

    @Omnes Omnibus: What? A neurosurgeon is not a scientists?

    Correct. A surgeon is a very skilled technician who understands how a particular system works. It does not mean that he has any training of the scientific method or in doing research.

    (ETA – One of the main reasons Republicans love Carson, along with his skin color, is that the public is likely to conflate surgeon with scientist and they love the idea of a real scientist advocating for Republican beliefs.)

  58. 58.

    raven

    @Cassidy: I think it was a lot different in 67-68. At that time Casey was the 7th ID HQ and we were arty in the 7th but way the fuck over in Munsan as support for them Indian Heads. We had ti drive all the way to TDC for ammo and it was all dirt and gravel roads. The girls in the Turkey Farm were Korean but I think it amounted to slavery because I knew a couple of lifers that bought them out of the brothels and set up house in the Ville outside our little compound. Some of those guys extended over and over. Strange place for a 17 year old to cut his teeth. Did you guys call the NK’s Joe Chink or had PC stopped that?

  61. 61.

    NonyNony

    @Anya:

    What? A neurosurgeon is not a scientists?

    No. A surgeon is not a scientist. Much like engineers are not scientists, though both surgeons and engineers need to know a lot about science in order to do their jobs.

    Also too – just because someone is a scientist that doesn’t mean crap. Scientists are specialists and they have an extremely detailed amount of insight into their area of specialization, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are smart. So even if Carson were a neurobiologist I wouldn’t trust his opinion on anything outside of his narrow specialty, and even there I’d want some indication that he’s working within the scientific consensus on the topic he’s speaking on rather than just some out-there idea that he has himself that may or may not be supported by reality.

  62. 62.

    handsmile

    “Nasty, petty, and ill-informed,” a riposte to Dr. Carson from a Johns Hopkins colleague (via Media Matters):

    http://mediamatters.org/blog/2013/03/28/nasty-petty-and-ill-informed-ben-carsons-john-h/193337

    A fuller quotation from the statement by Professor Todd Shepard:

    “I don’t think most people at Hopkins think what he says on this subject matters. They make him look nasty, petty, and ill-informed. It doesn’t tell us anything about his amazing abilities as a surgeon. It does remind us, however, that those abilities do not mean we should listen to what he says in any other domain.”

    Do read the entire final paragraph of Shepard’s statement; it is a thing of beauty.

  64. 64.

    ? Martin

    @Anya:

    What? A neurosurgeon is not a scientists?

    Not necessarily. Medical schools do not require a bachelors degree for admission, and they do admit a certain (small) percentage of students without one. They require roughly 2 years of math, a year of physics, and two years of chemistry and biology. But these are all intro-level courses. Plenty of humanities majors go to medical school with no more scientific background than that. They’ll learn anatomy and a bunch of other stuff in med school, but it’s not terribly scientific in nature. It’s much more practical.

    Now, I’m not sure how many of those two categories would go on to neurosurgery. My guess is relatively few (every neurosurgeon I know also has a PhD in a scientific/engineering discipline), but you cannot assume that any M.D. has more than an associates degree worth of scientific background.

  65. 65.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Anya: No. His profession requires scientific knowledge, but he is not a scientist. Also, an MD is a professional, not an academic, doctorate. There are significant differences.

  66. 66.

    ? Martin

    And I should add that I know a number of PhDs in the sciences and engineering disciplines that are fucking retards on all manner of topics – particularly around the social sciences and what motivates people. Quite a number of them have a drive and focus on their particular specialty that can only be described as abnormal, and they cannot understand why everyone else doesn’t have the same drive and focus toward their interest as well (they will routinely turn on each other as being idiots for being a renowned expert in some other field that they deem uninteresting or unworthy). Makes them really easy targets for conservative/libertarian dogma.

  68. 68.

    handsmile

    @? Martin:

    Your second sentence here leads me to surmise that the BJ commentariat is replete with holders of “PhDs in the sciences and engineering disciplines.” Who knew?

  69. 69.

    shortstop

    @raven: These days you’re more into imitating in print what you think a Japanese accent sounds like, which is sooooo much better.

  71. 71.

    Elie

    @Anya:

    He is a narcissist. He can’t help his point of view. His certainty about being the center of the universe probably helped him study hard and focus on his needs during the long climb up the education and medical ladder. He could throw his weight around the subordinates and lackeys because being good at what he did did not particularly require high emotional IQ or empathy. Now that that period of his life is over, he still wants to be the top dog in another sphere – politics. Unfortunately, he has NONE of the skills for that and is probably without much insight on how to acquire them. My guess is that he is psychologically unable to put in place what has never been there, this late in his life. He has zero shot of doing anything except making a further fool of himself and making his promoters cringe. He will never ever see what he is missing…

  72. 72.

    Roger Moore

    @Anya:

    What? A neurosurgeon is not a scientists?

    No, a neurosurgeon is not (necessarily) a scientist. He may use scientific discoveries, but his main job is cutting on people’s nervous systems. He’s only a scientist if he does research on top of his clinical work. And, FWIW, relatively few of the MDs who do any science are actually competent at it. Doing good science is hard, and most doctors have neither the training nor the interest to do anything but play around pretending to do science.

  74. 74.

    Anya

    I actually assumed Dr. Carson had a PhD so, I stand corrected. My larger point was that while Dr. Carson is an accomplished and a brilliant medical practitioner, he’s intellectually lacking when it comes to basic issues like equality, income equality and tax. He’s also devoid of empathy and basic human decency. On top of that when he speaks, he’s not impressive. There are plenty of people who can make their nonsense sound intelligent. He’s not one of them.

  75. 75.

    Anya

    @Elie: He also lacks self awareness. Here’s what he said in response to people complaining about his comment comparing gays to pedophiles and bestiality:

    “My goal is to help move our country in the right direction. My goal is to get people to be able to have discussions about things about which they disagree in a civil way, not call each other names and get into all kinds of infantile type of discussions,”

  76. 76.

    GregB

    I gotta say I am no fan of the Catholic Church but the new Pope is scoring some serious points by eschewing all of the pomp and glitter and by pissing off the conservatives. He better hire a taste tester if he keeps it up.

    Dr. Ben Carson is a phony creep. Mild mannered and faux conciliatory while barking out the usual worst of the worst GOP con babble.

  77. 77.

    muddy

    @Anya: He was on Andrea Mitchell a little while ago, she challenged him on the gay=nambla=bestiality bullshit and he said that he was taken out of context (I don’t know what context could possibly change that sentence), but what was important was that this is GOD’S LAW.

    I’m so sick of these people who don’t understand the concept of religious freedom that the country was founded on, for the christ’s sake. God didn’t write the book, people did, and even if god did write it, it’s not the rule of America. FFS

    There are a lot of doctors that are complete imbeciles, and some of them are in Congress. I guess this ass thinks he will fit right in.

  78. 78.

    Roger Moore

    @Anya:
    I think this points out an important point in getting advice from scientists or any other kind of technical specialist: their technical advice has to be the start, not the end, of making policy decisions. A technical expert may be able to make predictions about what will happen with various policies, but deciding between them is a value judgment that can and should involve the ordinary policy making process. There is real danger in depending too heavily on technical experts for policy advice because they can’t help but have their own policy positions that may color their technical judgments. The more contentious the issue, the more carefully you have to vet the technical judgments to make sure that they’re based on valid, well grounded technical positions rather than the personal preferences of the advice givers.

  79. 79.

    gratuitous

    @Chyron HR: Participate to the level of your comfort, but you get your feet washed, then in turn wash the feet of someone else. There are often hugs involved.

    For the Google-challenged, it’s the big Portland, in Oregon.

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