Judging from the media response to Pope Francis washing the feet of actual poor and downtrodden people, including a couple of women, instead of the usual group of bishops, it looks like footwashing is a pretty effective way to clean up a bad reputation. In the past couple of days, Don Young called Mexicans “wetbacks”, and Ben Carson mentioned NAMBLA and bestiality as reasons for not wanting to support gay marriage. So, obviously, Don and Ben should be grabbing buckets and rags and scrubbing away some toejam to make up for their medieval attitudes.
But how many Mexican pies should Don be wetting to make up for calling them “wetbacks”? And how many homosexual toes should Ben be lathering to keep from being heckled and/or glittered the next time he’s brave enough to show his face in front of some non-Republicans? Just what is the optimal douchebag-to-toe ratio? 1:50? 1:500? This whole thing is new to me, and I need your help.