Proof that Murphy the Trickster God loves us political cyinics & wants us to be happy, via Gail Collins:
…After skulking around in political exile for several years, Sanford staged a sort of a comeback on Tuesday, winning the Republican nomination for his old House seat. It was a triumph of sorts, although one that only required defeating a former county legislator who did not live in the district, in a race that attracted the excited participation of about 10 percent of eligible citizens…
“There are too many people in politics who think that they know it all. And I think that they project this whole image of perfection,” he told Jake Tapper on CNN.
Not a problem here.
Since we last had Sanford to kick around, he’s been divorced and gotten engaged to the Argentinian squeeze. He virtually never mentions her and she barely got a shout-out on primary victory night. (“She completely surprised me,” claimed Sanford, who told Tapper that he just turned the corner on his way into the ballroom and there she was.)
His ex-wife, Jenny, has written a book about her marriage, and now South Carolinians know that Sanford is not just fiscally conservative; he’s also so personally cheap that he once gave his spouse a $25 used bicycle as a combined birthday-Christmas present. Also, there’s the revelation that he excused some of his mysterious absences from home by saying he needed to go off and relieve the stress he felt due to thinning hair.
Sanford has always had a terrible case of chronic self-absorption. Now that he’s talking about his feelings so much, it’s turned into a creepy New Age egomania. It began with his post-Appalachian-Trail press conference, when he rambled on and on about his love life as if the assembled reporters were best pals who’d invited him out for a drink. (“It was interesting how this thing has gone down. …”) More recently, according to New York magazine, he went to visit Jenny, who used to run his campaigns, and asked his still deeply estranged ex-spouse if she’d do another. “I could pay you this time,” he added empathetically.
Her refusal was probably a surprise. Like the victory night fiancée.
Schlemizel
I believe there are some great commercials to be made from that post hick presser! the great news is his win means there is a good chance of a D pick up in a pretty ignorant, backwards district (Rmoney 58-Obama 40).
The teabag crowd may save the nation yet!
c u n d gulag
I wonder what he’ll do when he loses the election?
Become a Tour Guide on the Appalachian Trail?
Will his new “squeeze” let him?
Oh, who am I kidding?
We’re talking SC, here!
Of course he’ll win!
Jesus personally forgave him, so will the rubes in that district.
JPL
@c u n d gulag: IOKIYR
Karmus
He’s clearly on a one-man mission to prove that SC is NOT too large to be an insane asylum.
Todd
We were sitting in a restaurant here in Key West a couple of nights ago, close to a table of animated Carolinians, so we could overhear their conversation. They were pasty faced, puffy, business class Carolinians, and their conversation was all about drinking, screwing and naughty tattoos that they wanted, and then in the blink of an eye, they’re talking earnestly about people in their prayer group.
I guess the deal is that you get away and get your freak on, but around home, you put on a mask of piety in order to scorn and tut-tut people who engage in the behavior you secretly enjoy. As my wife said when we left, “God, I hate those fucking people. They all put on an act.”
Higgs Boson's Mate
No sin too great for a Republican to be forgiven and elected.
No greater sin than being an elected Democrat.
That’s how they roll.
Schlemizel
@Todd:
I don’t think that is unusual. Minneapolis is the vacation spot of choice for a lot of fine people from the gawd-fearin’ decent types from rural Minnesota, the Dakotas and Western Wisconsin. These moral, upstanding, folks come here to drink and screw people not their spouses free from the judgment of their peers back home. You run into them downtown drunk, looking for hookers or a friendly gay bar and discussing how they have to get home in time for services Sunday.
Oh, and I almost forgot – complaining about what a degenerate place the big city is!
NonyNony
@Todd:
That pretty much describes the rural areas I lived in when I was younger. I don’t think it’s really a “Southern” thing so much as a “small town” thing. In bigger population areas you can find friends (and jobs!) that align with your real personal preferences. Small towns don’t offer that opportunity.
Suffern ACE
@Schlemizel: I always wondered who went to all of those health clubs on lake street.
amk
why is this woman attracted to this self-absorbed, dishonest pos prick again?
Karmus
@NonyNony:
I was born and grew up in a small town in the South, so I can’t say which it is, but, yeah. What you said. No place to go if you don’t run with the
herdflock.Schlemizel
@Suffern ACE:
I do feel bad in one way for some of them (particularly the gay men and women who could not hide their orientation and had to move to the big city) because they can’t unwind at home. What I deeply resent is when they look down their noses at those of us who live in the city or try to pretend that they are somehow more pure, more moral then the rest of us.
Tone in DC
This guy makes Dick Morris and David Vitter look good by comparison. Shit, he makes Nixon look good by comparison.
Mino
OT, but this is an open thread and I thought the many gardeners here might want to know that Scott-Miracle Grow has pleaded guilty in US court to knowingly selling poisoned birdseed products for 2 years.
The story is in the Guardian. guardian.co.uk/science/grrlscientist/2012/mar/21/2?INTCMP=SRCH
rikyrah
you get what you vote for
Scott S.
Unfortunately, he’s guaranteed to win. I suspect there’s literally nothing he could do that would keep him from winning. Murder? Can’t arrest him, he’s gonna be in Congress. Baby eating? Can’t arrest him, he’s gonna be in Congress. Dropping his fiancee for a mail-order Russian mafia bride? Ha ha, boys will be boys.
On the bright side, he’ll be a one-man freakshow for the foreseeable future.
...now I try to be amused
I wish Jenny had accepted the job and his money, then sabotaged his campaign.
IowaOldLady
If he wants to marry this woman, why hasn’t he done it? Do adults really have long engagements?
Schlemizel
@Scott S.:
He is behind in both polls taken so far – that in itself is a miracle. THe non-insane don’t like him, he has very large negative numbers while his opponent has good positive numbers.
He may win but it will be a slog – expect a lot of dirt from him
Schlemizel
@IowaOldLady:
Maybe she told him he had to have a job before she would marry him!
geg6
That column today is a gift from the FSM for me. So much about our polity is a depressing nightmare that any chance to laugh at it all is welcome relief. And I have found Sanford to be a source of comic relief for the last few years. Now, a few more months of it amid the life-sucking pit of American politics seems more necessity than frivolous side show.
1badbaba3
How long before we discover that he’s stepping out on Miss Argentina? What ever Massa wants, amirite?
Morans.
Higgs Boson's Mate
@IowaOldLady:
Why buy the cow…
Hyuk! Hyuk!
feebog
Let’s remember that this self absorbed asshole was on the short list as a 2012 Presidential nominee before he literally stepped on his dick. The fact that he is even running for political office again is pretty amazing.
Elizabeth Colbert Busch v. Sanford
Note, she will be running against Sanford. Send some $ her way if you can!
dance around in your bones
When I heard Sanford going on about what a great and wonderful
OzGawd he had because of His forgivnessyness I just wanted to puke.Nothing like shaping your Gawd in your own image. “Why, I’d forgive myself! Therefore, My Gawd would, too!”
Trollhattan
Tell you what, if Colbert-Busch could convince the ex to join her campaign, she’d be a shoo-in.
Sanford reminds me a lot of and-have-I-mentioned-recently-what-a-colossal-dick-he-is? Rick Santorum. They both throw that oily self-importance vibe.
Redshift
That’s probably the only true thing he said during the entire episode…
GregB
@Elizabeth Colbert Busch v. Sanford:
Sure thing Steve!
JustRuss
Sanford would make a great TV show. The episode where he asked his ex-wife to be his campaign manager, and even offered to pay her, would be a hoot.
The $25 bicycle gift says so much about him. I’m kind of a cheap bastard, but mostly because we’re trying to claw our way out of debt. Back when we were getting into debt, I spent some fairly large coin on gifts for my wife, and I wish I still could.
grandpa john
The born again branch of the republican party is what makes this passage from the Bible one of my favorites
grandpa john
@feebog: You forget, this is SC and as a resident I am well familiar with our states ability to forgive trangressions if you have the right family , political and party connections
grandpa john
@…now I try to be amused: Jenny was always the brains behind his political success, she ran his campaigns and also furnished much of the money
Another Halocene Human
@grandpa john: He thought the partnership could continue on as before, but he didn’t get that she had lost face with the ladies who lunch. Humiliated. And now she wants revenge.
I think Sanford is trying to distance himself from his girlf–fee-ON-say–‘scuse me, forgot it’s the South and anti-cohabitation laws are still on the book–now that he has grokked how personally embarrassing this whole incident is, after the love rush has worn off. SC is very clannish, and she’s a furrin gal. Unless she has money+steel ovaries to pull off some Ms. Jeb Bush/Imelda Marcos act, fuggedaboudit. Well, it would help if Mark had a job, also, too.
Julia Grey
I used to care about the length of other people’s noses and how much they looked down them.
I don’t so much now that I’m old enough to know better.
(It only took a few decades.)
buskertype
Senator Sanford of South Carolina
Was felled by a fondness for foreign vagina